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1
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,158
[elevator bell dings]
2
00:00:09,159 --> 00:00:10,719
[doors open]
3
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,180
[pushes button]
4
00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:15,915
Ken:
Hold up!
5
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:19,085
{\an8}Yeah, how--? Smooth as an eel.
6
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:21,003
{\an8}- Good morning.
- Morning.
7
00:00:21,004 --> 00:00:22,272
{\an8}Something smells nice.
8
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:26,384
{\an8}What is this? "Polish Gals"?
Yeah.
9
00:00:26,385 --> 00:00:29,220
{\an8}The best sausage sandwich
in Lucas County.
10
00:00:29,221 --> 00:00:30,346
{\an8}Are we celebrating?
11
00:00:30,347 --> 00:00:31,973
{\an8}- Might be.
- Might be.
12
00:00:31,974 --> 00:00:34,350
{\an8}- Something to do
with the billboard? - Could be.
13
00:00:34,351 --> 00:00:37,061
{\an8}- Oh, it's a lovely billboard.
- It certainly is.
14
00:00:37,062 --> 00:00:39,855
Ned: I tried to talk Marv
into putting up a billboard
15
00:00:39,856 --> 00:00:42,942
congratulating us
on the awards, and he did it.
16
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,570
And we've got the number
for new subscriptions up there,
17
00:00:45,571 --> 00:00:46,862
so-so...
18
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:48,948
Oh, man.
She's calling right now.
19
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,158
I feel like
I'm in Times Square!
20
00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:53,035
[Ned whoops]
21
00:00:53,036 --> 00:00:54,221
{\an8}Apparently, though...
22
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,791
{\an8}- Yes?
- It's backfired. Badly.
23
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:02,503
{\an8}Marv put the number for
subscriptions on the billboard.
24
00:01:02,504 --> 00:01:05,006
{\an8}So people who forgot
to cancel their subscriptions,
25
00:01:05,007 --> 00:01:09,135
have been phoning,
in droves, to cancel.
26
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,196
{\an8}- [elevator bell dings]
- Oh, here I am.
27
00:01:13,890 --> 00:01:16,058
Oh-- Ned? Word to the wise.
28
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,393
Marv would hate to do it,
29
00:01:17,394 --> 00:01:19,729
but just purely
in terms of making savings,
30
00:01:19,730 --> 00:01:22,582
he might cut a couple of pages
from the paper.
31
00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:24,734
{\an8}[Ken groans]
32
00:01:24,735 --> 00:01:26,444
{\an8}Aerobics Instructor:
We got this.
33
00:01:26,445 --> 00:01:31,174
{\an8}[The Scrantone's "Song
From The Ninth Floor" playing]
34
00:01:56,099 --> 00:01:59,143
{\an8}[inhales deeply, sighs]
35
00:01:59,144 --> 00:02:01,270
{\an8}Ned:
Guys, a recent horrible irony
36
00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:03,272
{\an8}has caused us
to lose subscribers.
37
00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:05,441
{\an8}We need more
award-winning stories.
38
00:02:05,442 --> 00:02:07,777
So please. Come on.
Ideas, please.
39
00:02:07,778 --> 00:02:10,946
You can't have great ideas
every single day.
40
00:02:10,947 --> 00:02:12,615
- Take Mr. Digit.
- Oh, my God.
41
00:02:12,616 --> 00:02:15,618
No. Now, that germinated
for a long time.
42
00:02:15,619 --> 00:02:17,828
Yeah, Toledo isn't big enough
for great news
43
00:02:17,829 --> 00:02:20,581
- to happen every single day.
- You're so right, Nicole.
44
00:02:20,582 --> 00:02:22,375
Our readers out there,
they're punishing us
45
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,543
by not being interesting,
even to themselves.
46
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:26,962
Uh... We could put high school
sports on the front page.
47
00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:28,339
- Desperate.
- All right.
48
00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:30,383
Do you know the show
Is It Cake?
49
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:33,469
Where people make cakes
that are so lifelike
50
00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:35,805
that you can't tell them apart
from real things.
51
00:02:35,806 --> 00:02:36,806
Yes.
52
00:02:36,807 --> 00:02:38,766
We say that
53
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:41,268
we are doing that
with the paper.
54
00:02:41,269 --> 00:02:44,373
If they bite into it,
they have to buy it.
55
00:02:45,649 --> 00:02:47,858
- That's actually a good idea.
- [laughs] Yeah.
56
00:02:47,859 --> 00:02:50,486
Not what you said.
I was talking to myself.
57
00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:52,321
We start a crusade.
58
00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:54,990
We create a journalistic
crusade, right?
59
00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:57,535
We pick an issue, and we just
hammer away at it every day
60
00:02:57,536 --> 00:03:00,913
from every different angle,
like noble knights.
61
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,707
- [sighing] Oh...
- Sorry. Devil's advocate.
62
00:03:02,708 --> 00:03:04,792
Isn't that kind of
yellow journalism?
63
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,877
Making news
instead of reporting it?
64
00:03:06,878 --> 00:03:09,171
I mean, who are you? The next
William Randolph Hearst?
65
00:03:09,172 --> 00:03:12,258
No, no. Hearst played
fast and loose with the truth.
66
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:14,343
The only thing he had
good taste in was women.
67
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:15,553
His mistress, Marion Davies,
68
00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:17,179
was one of
the coolest women ever.
69
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:21,308
Probably cooler than any woman
of today, it sounds like.
70
00:03:21,309 --> 00:03:23,894
No, I know someone
as cool as her.
71
00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:26,272
It's just Marion had
a certain sort of a quality
72
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:27,857
that has never been duplicated.
73
00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:32,236
She could be gritty, plucky,
witty, alluring, beautiful.
74
00:03:32,237 --> 00:03:33,946
She was a piece of ass too.
75
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,032
Yeah, okay.
She was old-timey hot at best.
76
00:03:37,033 --> 00:03:38,951
She's like what pretty was
77
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:41,579
- before the polio vaccine
and sunblock. - Ned: No.
78
00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:44,540
She just came from a time when
sexuality was more restrained.
79
00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:46,208
Mare:
That was a little weird.
80
00:03:46,209 --> 00:03:49,086
Whoever ends up with Ned
is a lucky girl.
81
00:03:49,087 --> 00:03:51,922
Because it looks like
his hall pass died in 1936.
82
00:03:51,923 --> 00:03:56,051
Just picture Ned with this
old lady of his dreams,
83
00:03:56,052 --> 00:03:57,803
lifting her skirt,
84
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,514
then finding another skirt
under that.
85
00:04:00,515 --> 00:04:02,933
[shuddering] Ooh...!
Another layer.
86
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:04,560
[moaning]
87
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:05,895
[laughs]
88
00:04:05,896 --> 00:04:07,855
[snorting]
89
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:09,123
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
90
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:14,236
I just do that in here to get
the mockery out of my system.
91
00:04:14,237 --> 00:04:15,738
...and then there is
another skirt.
92
00:04:15,739 --> 00:04:18,073
And then there
is another skirt.
93
00:04:18,074 --> 00:04:21,702
- Oh, Marion. So many layers.
- [laughter]
94
00:04:21,703 --> 00:04:23,496
I don't even know
what I'm looking for.
95
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,414
- [laughter]
- Yeah.
96
00:04:25,415 --> 00:04:29,126
- I feel better now.
- Yes, very funny. That's very funny.
97
00:04:29,127 --> 00:04:31,879
Let's get back to the crusade,
okay? Let's think big.
98
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,924
What about a crusade
against injustice?
99
00:04:34,925 --> 00:04:37,968
- Ned: Mm-hm. That's a bit vague.
- [groaning]
100
00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:40,179
Mare: What about something
a little more specific?
101
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,972
Like, I don't know. Potholes?
102
00:04:41,973 --> 00:04:45,267
- Potholes. Yes, I like that.
- Adelola: Ooh, yeah.
103
00:04:45,268 --> 00:04:46,644
Potholes is good.
104
00:04:46,645 --> 00:04:48,729
Love that. Love potholes.
105
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:51,732
Because everyone cares
about potholes. Right guys?
106
00:04:51,733 --> 00:04:54,026
You know, there's a huge one
near where I live.
107
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,402
It's so big it looks infected.
108
00:04:55,403 --> 00:04:57,321
- Why don't we check it out?
- Yeah.
109
00:04:57,322 --> 00:04:58,656
- Great. Let's do it.
- Cool.
110
00:04:58,657 --> 00:05:00,991
- What are we checking out?
- Mare's pothole.
111
00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:03,536
- It's infected.
- I realized I have a meeting right now.
112
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,788
- Let's pick it up in like
half an hour. - Sweet.
113
00:05:05,789 --> 00:05:08,517
- Cleared mine right up.
- Oh, thank you.
114
00:05:10,126 --> 00:05:12,711
Ned: I just, uh, remembered
from your training session
115
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:16,298
that if anything happens
romantically, uh, at work,
116
00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:17,883
- that I have to report it.
- Yes.
117
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,927
Yes, that's right.
You have to report it to me.
118
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:22,137
You have to tell me all
the details of what happened.
119
00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:25,182
- It's my job to listen
and to hear all the details. - Okay.
120
00:05:25,183 --> 00:05:27,268
So don't skip any.
121
00:05:27,269 --> 00:05:31,814
All right, um, well, uh,
I have started
122
00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:34,191
what I think might be
a relationship, uh,
123
00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:38,195
recently with, um,
someone who works beneath me.
124
00:05:38,196 --> 00:05:40,072
- Oh my God.
- Yeah.
125
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,741
Okay. Okay.
126
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:45,995
- That's insane. Okay. Um...
- I know.
127
00:05:45,996 --> 00:05:49,665
- Was it consensual?
I have to ask. - Yes, very consensual.
128
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:52,459
Says it was consensual.
Awesome.
129
00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:54,521
I'm so happy for you.
Does she have a name?
130
00:05:55,797 --> 00:05:57,214
Mare.
131
00:05:57,215 --> 00:05:58,674
Is that the Chinese one?
132
00:05:58,675 --> 00:06:03,178
No. She is, uh, white.
White lady, blonde hair.
133
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:05,014
- Oh, oh, oh. Yes!
- She's got blue eyes.
134
00:06:05,015 --> 00:06:08,017
I know who you're talking about.
I can see it in my mind's eye.
135
00:06:08,018 --> 00:06:10,311
- She doesn't know that I'm here,
though, so... - Oh...
136
00:06:10,312 --> 00:06:13,355
Why? What now, she's
threatening you? Is she crazy?
137
00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:16,609
'Cause she-- she is the one that
was in the military, right?
138
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,694
Or the army, was it?
'Cause she could be violent.
139
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:20,487
A lot of those people
have concealed weapons
140
00:06:20,488 --> 00:06:21,822
and they wear it
around their ankle
141
00:06:21,823 --> 00:06:23,407
so you would never know
it's a woman with a gun.
142
00:06:23,408 --> 00:06:27,536
It's not really a case of being
worried about her behavior.
143
00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:29,705
I think everything
is-is-is good there.
144
00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:31,373
But i-if I'm being honest,
145
00:06:31,374 --> 00:06:33,083
I worry that we both love
what we do,
146
00:06:33,084 --> 00:06:36,545
but what if we don't have
enough in common beyond that?
147
00:06:36,546 --> 00:06:37,963
We have
very different backgrounds
148
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,965
and different tastes and--
Could this be a mistake
149
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,217
if we don't actually share
those things?
150
00:06:42,218 --> 00:06:44,762
Anything you wanna know?
You can look, if you want.
151
00:06:44,763 --> 00:06:47,806
- Uh-- no-- I'm--
- That's employment history, allergies.
152
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:50,017
Hey, don't give that girl
any eggplant.
153
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:52,311
- Except for that eggplant.
- Ugh.
154
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,980
I thought that maybe you could
put it in your secure file
155
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:58,692
that I came in and told you and
that everything's above board.
156
00:06:58,693 --> 00:07:01,737
Just so Mare and I are both,
you know, protected.
157
00:07:01,738 --> 00:07:05,115
Okay. Above board,
I'll put it everywhere.
158
00:07:05,116 --> 00:07:08,077
- [both chuckling]
- No, I really-- I'll write it down later.
159
00:07:08,078 --> 00:07:09,870
But, okay.
Come back and let me know
160
00:07:09,871 --> 00:07:12,790
how it progresses
and what happens and...
161
00:07:12,791 --> 00:07:14,833
If and when you guys
have sex and how it is,
162
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,627
and what is the positions
or whatever.
163
00:07:16,628 --> 00:07:18,420
- There's--
- Do I need to tell you that?
164
00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:20,005
Oh! No, not officially.
165
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,049
I just mean as friends.
How friends go,
166
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,759
"We did it doggy,
and we did it regular,
167
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,344
and we did it front
facing," or...
168
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,888
If you want. I think it'd be
fun, come hang out with me.
169
00:07:27,889 --> 00:07:29,682
I feel like we never hang.
170
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,684
We actually started
front facing.
171
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:32,935
Good, that's romantic.
172
00:07:32,936 --> 00:07:34,770
We're the only mammals
that do that.
173
00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:36,730
- Is that true?
- Mm-hm.
174
00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:39,793
Yeah, I've never done it
that way, but...
175
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:44,613
I need to bring Oscar
down below for a quick word
176
00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:47,008
with the all powerful
lord of darkness.
177
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,077
I'm talking about Marv,
but, um...
178
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:52,538
Adam believes that Satan
is actually real,
179
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,182
and it's fun to trigger him.
180
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:58,585
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
181
00:07:58,586 --> 00:08:00,146
Oscar, no.
182
00:08:03,925 --> 00:08:05,259
Oscar, Enervate would like
183
00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:07,428
to buy Mr. Digit
to run in our other newspapers.
184
00:08:07,429 --> 00:08:11,306
I think we will both find
this very lucrative.
185
00:08:11,307 --> 00:08:12,683
As one man to another,
186
00:08:12,684 --> 00:08:15,227
do you think lake boats
are worth the trouble?
187
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,687
I do love to float.
188
00:08:16,688 --> 00:08:19,565
[chuckles]
How does $10,000 sound?
189
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,085
- Monthly?
- As the full amount.
190
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:26,613
Okay, so not boat money.
191
00:08:26,614 --> 00:08:28,866
I think it's
an interesting first step
192
00:08:28,867 --> 00:08:33,370
in what is sure to be
a lively negotiation.
193
00:08:33,371 --> 00:08:35,456
And I do love to haggle.
194
00:08:35,457 --> 00:08:36,707
The dance of it.
195
00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:41,104
So I will see you later
at the ball.
196
00:08:46,217 --> 00:08:47,944
[car doors close]
197
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,113
[Mare chuckles]
198
00:08:51,222 --> 00:08:53,140
- Hey.
- Ah...
199
00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:54,558
Phil.
200
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:56,769
You're coming along.
That's great.
201
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,562
It's important to document.
202
00:08:58,563 --> 00:08:59,855
[seatbelt clicks]
203
00:08:59,856 --> 00:09:01,249
[Ned clears throat]
204
00:09:04,235 --> 00:09:07,321
Bro, this piece.
The one you did yesterday.
205
00:09:07,322 --> 00:09:10,407
"Construction workers building
a factory for automated labor."
206
00:09:10,408 --> 00:09:12,576
- That's fire.
- Thank you, man. I appreciate it.
207
00:09:12,577 --> 00:09:15,204
How are you able to talk to
so many people that work there?
208
00:09:15,205 --> 00:09:17,331
Usually I can get maybe,
like, one good quote.
209
00:09:17,332 --> 00:09:20,250
So, like, what's your technique
to get people to talk?
210
00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:24,296
So basically it starts
with a look, right? Eye contact.
211
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,924
And then we enter a flow state
of conversation.
212
00:09:26,925 --> 00:09:30,028
- Hm...
- Just talking. And then, uh...
213
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,556
Nah, nah.
I-I'm making up quotes, man.
214
00:09:34,557 --> 00:09:38,477
- What?
- Hey! No screaming, please.
215
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,312
People are working here.
216
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,232
I hate getting quotes. You got
to steer the conversation
217
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:45,359
so people say this one thing
you want them to say.
218
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,028
It's disgusting. It's
manipulation. I won't do it.
219
00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:50,239
You can't make up quotes.
You wanna get fired?
220
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,384
[sighs]
Man. I don't deserve this.
221
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,830
Don't stress, man. We'll figure
it out. I'm gonna help you out.
222
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,974
- Yeah? Okay.
- Yeah, we'll work on it.
223
00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:08,298
- Oh, my God, it's beautiful.
- [laughs] Right?
224
00:10:08,299 --> 00:10:10,509
{\an8}Can't you see this
on the front page?
225
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:13,011
{\an8}It's just so huge
and infuriating.
226
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:15,472
{\an8}Totally. It's like--
It's like a meteor hit.
227
00:10:15,473 --> 00:10:17,641
Don't fall in there.
You might end up in China.
228
00:10:17,642 --> 00:10:20,394
Yes. Or, like, how deep
is your pothole?
229
00:10:20,395 --> 00:10:22,020
Or we could, like,
run a whole thing
230
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,647
where we hammer away
at it for months.
231
00:10:23,648 --> 00:10:27,043
- Yeah.
- Like "Pothole Watch." You know? "Day 26." I...
232
00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:32,030
- What's going on?
Whoa, are you okay? - Yeah, I'm all right.
233
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,282
I threw out my breakfast.
234
00:10:33,283 --> 00:10:35,284
My blood sugar's dipping
a little bit.
235
00:10:35,285 --> 00:10:36,385
Okay. Um...
236
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,328
Is there something good
around here I could get...?
237
00:10:38,329 --> 00:10:41,206
I'm sorry. There's
literally nothing, but...
238
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,125
I mean, my apartment's
right up there.
239
00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:46,044
I have, like, five quarts
of curry I made last night.
240
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:48,338
We can go have a break
and have lunch.
241
00:10:48,339 --> 00:10:50,007
Uh-huh.
242
00:10:50,008 --> 00:10:52,819
Oh, come on, you guys can find
a place to go, right?
243
00:10:54,596 --> 00:10:56,263
It's all right.
244
00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:58,807
- Lunch with the doc crew.
- Yeah.
245
00:10:58,808 --> 00:11:00,726
- At Mare's. Work lunch.
- Yeah.
246
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:02,352
- Yeah. Let's go.
- Okay. Let's go.
247
00:11:02,353 --> 00:11:04,021
Perry:
...hard to measure the value
248
00:11:04,022 --> 00:11:05,522
financially of what a newspaper...
249
00:11:05,523 --> 00:11:06,982
I'm on with Perry Kronk,
250
00:11:06,983 --> 00:11:09,318
Wall Street Journal
crossword editor.
251
00:11:09,319 --> 00:11:11,153
Perry:
It depends on a lot of factors,
252
00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:12,863
but an award-winning
syndicate game
253
00:11:12,864 --> 00:11:14,114
can range from
a few hundred bucks
254
00:11:14,115 --> 00:11:16,742
all the way to two million.
255
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:19,703
- Really? Is that so?
- [mouthing] Oh, my God!
256
00:11:19,704 --> 00:11:23,141
Perry: Let me check some stats
to see the latest trends in...
257
00:11:24,042 --> 00:11:26,501
No. Marv, I am so sorry.
258
00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:28,253
I don't know
what's gotten into Oscar.
259
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:30,005
Oscar:
I did my homework, Marv.
260
00:11:30,006 --> 00:11:31,840
And I'm willing
to sell Mr. Digit
261
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:34,885
to Enervate
for $1.2 million.
262
00:11:34,886 --> 00:11:36,803
What do you think of me now?
263
00:11:36,804 --> 00:11:39,449
- Okay, Oscar, I'll consider it.
- Okay.
264
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,394
Here we are.
265
00:11:44,395 --> 00:11:45,371
Should be...
266
00:11:46,731 --> 00:11:48,899
Bolt's kind of stuck.
267
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:50,835
The lock doesn't work.
268
00:11:52,070 --> 00:11:53,755
Super's supposed to fix it.
269
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,782
- Homey.
- Um... Act-- Sorry.
270
00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:58,700
Can you guys wait out here
for a second?
271
00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:02,079
I just wanna tidy up.
One second.
272
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,163
Oh--
273
00:12:03,164 --> 00:12:05,249
- [clattering, vacuuming]
- Mare: Ow!
274
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:07,501
- Need a hand? All right.
- Nope! All good.
275
00:12:07,502 --> 00:12:11,505
Hey, could I get a snack
or something to tide me over?
276
00:12:11,506 --> 00:12:14,216
- I'm kind of a little bit
queasy here. - Yeah.
277
00:12:14,217 --> 00:12:15,151
Yeah?
278
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:18,279
Hi.
279
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,557
- Well...
- Hey.
280
00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:24,977
- You know Oscar's
little Mr. Digit? - Yes.
281
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,187
Well, that little worm
never reminded me
282
00:12:27,188 --> 00:12:28,730
to force him to sign a contract.
283
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:31,817
- So now he's milking Marv
for 1.2 million. - No.
284
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:35,153
Yeah. When really it should be
us who's milking Marv.
285
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:38,031
Totally. We are the milkers.
286
00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:41,535
- So how do we milk?
- Well, we create our own game.
287
00:12:41,536 --> 00:12:43,203
We come in a few bucks cheaper.
288
00:12:43,204 --> 00:12:46,456
- Oh...
- We are both very creative. This will be easy.
289
00:12:46,457 --> 00:12:49,751
- Oh... Child's play.
- I'm a child, you know.
290
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:51,878
Mmm... Sort of.
291
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:54,107
This is it. Sorry for the mess.
292
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,014
Wow! I've always wanted
to sit in one of these. Can I?
293
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,849
- Oh, please.
- What do I do? Pull this?
294
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:06,310
You better. Yeah.
295
00:13:06,311 --> 00:13:08,145
- Oh, man.
- [laughing]
296
00:13:08,146 --> 00:13:10,689
- That was my granny's La-Z-Boy.
- Oh, that's nice.
297
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,232
She died in it.
298
00:13:12,233 --> 00:13:13,209
Cool.
299
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:18,405
Okay. I'll go heat up
some curry.
300
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:20,198
- Don't snoop.
- I won't.
301
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,034
Oh, my God, is that you?
302
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,744
- [trap snaps]
- Ned: Aah!
303
00:13:23,745 --> 00:13:25,162
- What was that?
- Nothing.
304
00:13:25,163 --> 00:13:27,331
- You okay?
- Yep.
305
00:13:27,332 --> 00:13:28,641
[winces]
306
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,961
You read all these books?
307
00:13:32,962 --> 00:13:34,897
- Mare: Most of them.
- Uh-huh.
308
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:36,923
Cool.
309
00:13:36,924 --> 00:13:38,383
[rattling]
310
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:41,386
What's in this box?
Is it a secret?
311
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,889
No, no, no, don't touch that.
Don't touch that.
312
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,182
No, no, no, that's my gun.
313
00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:46,391
- What?
- That's my gun.
314
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,910
- Don't touch that.
- Okay.
315
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:54,466
Ah...
316
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:57,819
This is it, it's the place
that scammed my niece.
317
00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:59,613
"The Jurassic Immersive
Experience Park,
318
00:13:59,614 --> 00:14:02,407
where science and fun meet
without refunds."
319
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,493
- No, this is sketchy, man.
- Exactly.
320
00:14:04,494 --> 00:14:06,745
- Sketchy.
- Let's get out of sight.
321
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:09,956
- So we're gonna write an article
and expose this scam. - Okay.
322
00:14:09,957 --> 00:14:11,416
- I need you to go inside...
- Yeah?
323
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,710
- ...get some quotes.
- You mean like, by myself?
324
00:14:13,711 --> 00:14:16,046
- I thought we were gonna be
a team, dude. - Yeah.
325
00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:18,256
You would lie and deceive,
and I would watch,
326
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:20,050
- and just try to be okay--
- No, no, no.
327
00:14:20,051 --> 00:14:21,277
You can do this.
328
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:24,763
Can't believe this
is happening.
329
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,599
Citizen Kane. Yes.
330
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,519
Oh, yeah, no. My dad
is big into physical media.
331
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,522
Gave me all these VHS tapes
and a tape player.
332
00:14:33,523 --> 00:14:35,023
Nice.
333
00:14:35,024 --> 00:14:37,043
Xanadu!
334
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,361
I don't...
335
00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:41,655
Have you've not seen
Citizen Kane?
336
00:14:41,656 --> 00:14:43,865
Never seen it.
337
00:14:43,866 --> 00:14:45,409
- We should watch it.
- Sure.
338
00:14:45,410 --> 00:14:48,286
As research for William
Randolph Hearst.
339
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:50,163
Yes. Yes, that would be great.
340
00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:51,790
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
341
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:54,543
I am thinking of a game.
342
00:14:54,544 --> 00:14:57,462
- Good on you.
- And the game is...
343
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,648
Here it comes.
344
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:04,136
- I lost it.
- Wall framed pictures.
345
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,972
Ceiling tiles, smoke alarm.
346
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:08,473
Chair. Too much makeup.
347
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,768
- Don't look at me for ideas.
- Go on then. Slap me.
348
00:15:11,769 --> 00:15:13,228
- What?
- Slap me.
349
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:15,313
Let's jar something loose.
350
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,982
- I like that.
- Mm-hm.
351
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,192
Ay! Yes! Wow.
352
00:15:19,193 --> 00:15:21,111
Number slaps. Number bungalow.
353
00:15:21,112 --> 00:15:22,529
Number wack-a. Number thack-a.
354
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:24,489
Number. Number. Number Dash.
Number Dash.
355
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,826
Oh, my gosh. I like that.
Number Dash.
356
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,495
- We made it. Number Dash.
- Number Dash.
357
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,913
[phone chimes]
358
00:15:31,914 --> 00:15:35,834
There are 45 other
Number Dashes already out there.
359
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,729
Come on, Kenneth. Think, man!
360
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,569
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
361
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,019
Mmm...
362
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,104
- Yeah?
- That is delicious.
363
00:15:56,105 --> 00:15:58,565
- Oh, good. Good.
- Thank you.
364
00:15:58,566 --> 00:15:59,566
Wow!
365
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,026
[Mare laughs]
366
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:02,360
Wow.
367
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:05,322
I'm in. Confirm visual.
368
00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:06,615
Yep, I can see you.
369
00:16:06,616 --> 00:16:08,283
Tuck your phone
in your jacket pocket
370
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:09,534
so the camera's facing out.
371
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,453
Walk and see
who you can talk to.
372
00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:12,829
I'm right there with you.
373
00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:16,041
This is pretty underwhelming,
man.
374
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,376
You see this, right?
Dinosaur with the giant teeth?
375
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,003
That's not realistic even.
376
00:16:20,004 --> 00:16:21,630
- Terrible, man.
- Yeah, it is.
377
00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:22,565
No effort.
378
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:27,469
Wait, what's happening?
I lost visual.
379
00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:28,929
I'm just getting
a couple pics.
380
00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:32,057
Hey. It's 20 bucks
to ride the dinosaur.
381
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,767
This place sucks.
382
00:16:33,768 --> 00:16:36,394
Whoo. Is there
cayenne pepper in this?
383
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:37,938
- It's hot in here, right?
- Mm.
384
00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:40,857
- It's a little hot.
- Yeah. All good. I, um...
385
00:16:40,858 --> 00:16:43,235
- I like it. It's delicious.
- The heat in this building is so janky.
386
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,070
I'm gonna get the super.
I know he's--
387
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:46,446
I do this literally
all the time.
388
00:16:46,447 --> 00:16:49,950
- Okay. Thank you.
- [door opens, closes]
389
00:16:49,951 --> 00:16:51,427
[sighs]
390
00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:04,130
- Hey.
- I'm Jeff.
391
00:17:04,131 --> 00:17:08,218
Hey. How's it going? I'm Ned.
Uh-- Radiator's over there.
392
00:17:08,219 --> 00:17:10,488
Yeah, it is. I see it.
393
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:18,103
Uh... That's the refrigerator,
Jeff.
394
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,604
I think the fridge is fine.
395
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,606
How's the curry?
396
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:22,307
Yeah.
397
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,900
- [chuckles]
- [bottle opens]
398
00:17:23,901 --> 00:17:26,278
Maybe you can have some
when you're done.
399
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,547
- With my beer?
- With your work.
400
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,635
Maybe don't drink
other people's beers, buddy.
401
00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:35,787
Seriously, how many have
you had today?
402
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:36,788
Excuse me?
403
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,308
I don't know,
it just keeps, like, clanging.
404
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,311
- Dad.
- Dad?
405
00:17:44,755 --> 00:17:47,299
It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
406
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,277
I'm Ned. Mare's, uh...
407
00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:51,487
boss.
408
00:17:58,352 --> 00:17:59,352
Esmaralda: Hi, Marv.
409
00:17:59,353 --> 00:18:00,520
Ken: Hello, Marv.
410
00:18:00,521 --> 00:18:01,789
Now.
411
00:18:02,857 --> 00:18:04,399
Uh-huh.
412
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,210
Marv:
"Se�or Number."
413
00:18:07,194 --> 00:18:08,570
Why not numero?
414
00:18:08,571 --> 00:18:10,697
Well, we thought it had
broader appeal this way.
415
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:12,240
- Yeah.
- Something for everybody.
416
00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:13,658
But you're absolutely right.
417
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:16,244
Go hard or go home,
it should be numero.
418
00:18:16,245 --> 00:18:18,246
Well, it feels to me--
419
00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:22,351
And I hate to use this term,
but, uh, racist.
420
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:26,796
How so exactly?
I'm not seeing it, Marv.
421
00:18:26,797 --> 00:18:33,720
Well, see, what we have here
is Mr. Digit by Oscar Martinez.
422
00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:37,057
- Yes.
- And then we have a very similar concept,
423
00:18:37,058 --> 00:18:41,394
"Se�or Number"
and he has on a sombrero.
424
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:44,022
- Ken: Yeah.
- A big mustache.
425
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:47,108
- Mm-hm.
- I mean, I wouldn't say racism per se.
426
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:51,404
I mean, racism, on the whole
is supposed to be negative.
427
00:18:51,405 --> 00:18:55,116
And this is more
sort of pandering.
428
00:18:55,117 --> 00:18:56,868
- Mm.
- Exactly, exactly.
429
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:59,746
We are showing respect
for this culture
430
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:03,083
by bothering
to trick them into liking this.
431
00:19:03,084 --> 00:19:04,584
- Pass.
- Yeah, it's a pass.
432
00:19:04,585 --> 00:19:06,503
That's a hard pass, I'm afraid.
433
00:19:06,504 --> 00:19:08,004
That's awful.
434
00:19:08,005 --> 00:19:09,422
You can't do--
435
00:19:09,423 --> 00:19:11,883
In this day and age,
you can't really do that.
436
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:15,613
I'm-- I'm so sorry, I just--
I thought you were him.
437
00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:19,349
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
438
00:19:19,350 --> 00:19:20,600
I'm sure you were just on edge,
439
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,936
having to defend
a woman's fridge.
440
00:19:22,937 --> 00:19:25,980
You can always blame it
on the "mleh" curry.
441
00:19:25,981 --> 00:19:27,691
Hey.
442
00:19:27,692 --> 00:19:33,113
Citizen Kane.
Such a classic, right? Rosebud.
443
00:19:33,114 --> 00:19:34,548
So...
444
00:19:35,324 --> 00:19:36,783
See you later, slugger.
445
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:37,760
Love you.
446
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,623
[Mare sighs]
447
00:19:43,624 --> 00:19:45,083
Nice to meet you.
448
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,811
[door opens, closes]
449
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:52,257
All right. See that guy?
I want you to go over to him.
450
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:53,758
I want you to talk to him, okay?
451
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:54,968
I want you to get him to say,
452
00:19:54,969 --> 00:19:56,845
"This is not
an acceptable museum."
453
00:19:56,846 --> 00:20:00,181
Okay. But I don't think
he's gonna wanna say that.
454
00:20:00,182 --> 00:20:04,018
Hey, man. That's an awesome
dinosaur mask you got on.
455
00:20:04,019 --> 00:20:06,789
I'm really excited
to talk to you.
456
00:20:09,984 --> 00:20:13,236
Bro, what are you doing?
That was a great opening.
457
00:20:13,237 --> 00:20:14,612
That was
the most pathetic thing
458
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,156
I've ever seen
in my entire life.
459
00:20:16,157 --> 00:20:17,907
You got me out here
without a parachute, man.
460
00:20:17,908 --> 00:20:19,951
What are you doing to me?
Jeez.
461
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,244
Travis. Travis.
462
00:20:21,245 --> 00:20:22,680
- Tr--
- [call ends]
463
00:20:23,873 --> 00:20:25,623
Ned:
If I was acting weird...
464
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,459
- I've never met a dad before.
- I could strangle him.
465
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,835
Ned: My college girlfriend
had two moms.
466
00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,503
Mare: It's all I talk about
in therapy.
467
00:20:30,504 --> 00:20:31,638
We are so codependent.
468
00:20:31,639 --> 00:20:33,590
Ned: I was gonna watch Roseanne
to prepare.
469
00:20:33,591 --> 00:20:35,175
- That's really sweet.
- I know.
470
00:20:35,176 --> 00:20:36,509
[sighs]
471
00:20:36,510 --> 00:20:38,362
- Mare: Look.
- Ned: What?
472
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:42,575
- Those bastards.
They filled it in. - Yeah.
473
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:47,687
- It's filled in.
- And they did a good job.
474
00:20:47,688 --> 00:20:49,522
Well, there goes the crusade.
475
00:20:49,523 --> 00:20:52,776
- You misspoke how?
- Perry: I did a bit more research.
476
00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:54,861
The market is saturated
with sudoku puzzles.
477
00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:56,696
Technically, Mr. Digit is not--
478
00:20:56,697 --> 00:20:59,550
You're looking at the lower end
of my previous estimate.
479
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,994
So like 500k?
480
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,788
[scoffs]
Like a few free weekends
481
00:21:04,789 --> 00:21:06,039
at a Courtyard Marriott.
482
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,373
- All right.
- The market--
483
00:21:07,374 --> 00:21:09,059
[phone rings]
484
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:16,525
Mr. Putnam.
485
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:20,094
Marv. I love this company.
486
00:21:20,095 --> 00:21:24,724
And you've been a very good
partner to me and Mr. Digit.
487
00:21:24,725 --> 00:21:27,560
So... [sighs]
let's just call it 500k.
488
00:21:27,561 --> 00:21:29,354
I know I'm leaving money
on the table,
489
00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:31,123
but I'd rather sleep at night.
490
00:21:38,072 --> 00:21:39,781
I hear you, I hear you.
491
00:21:39,782 --> 00:21:42,242
500k may be a little steep
for friends.
492
00:21:42,243 --> 00:21:43,594
100k even.
493
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,180
100k.
494
00:21:47,414 --> 00:21:49,707
You pay me, good sir, or I'm...
495
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:51,417
- 25k.
- Done.
496
00:21:51,418 --> 00:21:53,461
- Okay.
- Thank you.
497
00:21:53,462 --> 00:21:54,772
Oscar.
498
00:21:55,965 --> 00:21:56,756
You're good.
499
00:21:56,757 --> 00:21:58,132
Oscar:
All right then.
500
00:21:58,133 --> 00:22:01,636
Ned: Cool. You live
right next to a park.
501
00:22:01,637 --> 00:22:04,764
No, no, that's
the Glass Club golf course.
502
00:22:04,765 --> 00:22:07,016
Nearest park's,
like, 20 minutes away.
503
00:22:07,017 --> 00:22:09,227
Ned:
There must be hundreds of acres.
504
00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:10,979
- That's all private?
- Mm-hm.
505
00:22:10,980 --> 00:22:13,314
Oh, yeah. I think they'd
try and tackle any non-member
506
00:22:13,315 --> 00:22:14,691
who tried to use it.
507
00:22:14,692 --> 00:22:16,609
That's ridiculous.
It's so unfair.
508
00:22:16,610 --> 00:22:20,864
Mare: Glass Club bought
200 acres for $200 in 1910
509
00:22:20,865 --> 00:22:22,842
and pay zero property taxes.
510
00:22:24,118 --> 00:22:26,762
I think we've found
a new crusade.
511
00:22:27,863 --> 00:22:33,668
[The Scrantone's "Song
From The Ninth Floor" plays]
512
00:22:33,669 --> 00:22:35,962
Ned:
Released in 1941, Citizen Kane
513
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:39,132
tops every critic's list
for greatest film ever made.
514
00:22:39,133 --> 00:22:41,634
Feast your eyes.
515
00:22:41,635 --> 00:22:42,969
Travis:
What are we watching, guys?
516
00:22:42,970 --> 00:22:45,763
- What do you guys want?
- Ned: Oh, great.
517
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:48,641
Sorry, chief. Couldn't find
anybody to go on record.
518
00:22:48,642 --> 00:22:53,980
Oh. Oh, but this
picture's amazing.
519
00:22:53,981 --> 00:22:55,481
- Yeah, this is--
- Can I see?
520
00:22:55,482 --> 00:22:56,625
This is great.
521
00:22:57,693 --> 00:22:59,193
- Mare: Hey.
- Ned: Good job, guys.
522
00:22:59,194 --> 00:23:01,529
Well, um, I'm so glad
you like it,
523
00:23:01,530 --> 00:23:02,989
but I will now be resigning
524
00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:04,866
as a reportorial-style
journalist,
525
00:23:04,867 --> 00:23:06,784
effective immediately
for moral reasons.
526
00:23:06,785 --> 00:23:08,786
Here's my press pass, homemade.
527
00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:10,538
Thought I took that already.
528
00:23:10,539 --> 00:23:12,790
Yeah, well
they're pretty easy to make.
529
00:23:12,791 --> 00:23:16,294
I mean, Ned, it's pretty great.
530
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:20,048
Yeah. I don't wanna lose you
from the team, Travis.
531
00:23:20,049 --> 00:23:22,800
Would you consider staying on
and taking photos?
532
00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:24,677
I think you would make
a great photojournalist
533
00:23:24,678 --> 00:23:25,720
for the paper.
534
00:23:25,721 --> 00:23:26,846
Yes. I accept.
535
00:23:26,847 --> 00:23:28,306
- Yeah.
- Yes? Fantastic.
536
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:30,183
Thank you. Take that from you.
537
00:23:30,184 --> 00:23:31,935
Okay.
We will miss your articles.
538
00:23:31,936 --> 00:23:33,811
No one on the team
got better quotes.
539
00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:36,040
That's right.
Okay, see you guys.
540
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:44,864
{\an8}Please tell me you're not gonna
watch me the entire time.
541
00:23:44,865 --> 00:23:47,283
{\an8}- [Mare laughs]
- No.
542
00:23:47,284 --> 00:23:49,869
{\an8}Our good old friend
William Randolph Hearst,
543
00:23:49,870 --> 00:23:51,537
{\an8}he ordered all of his newspapers
544
00:23:51,538 --> 00:23:53,331
{\an8}to pretend
that this didn't exist.
545
00:23:53,332 --> 00:23:55,667
{\an8}- Really? Dang.
- Mm-hm.
546
00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:57,543
{\an8}Jeff: Come on slugger,
nice and loud.
547
00:23:57,544 --> 00:24:00,797
{\an8}- Oh, my God. No. No, no, no.
- [Young Mare singing]
548
00:24:00,798 --> 00:24:02,715
{\an8}[laughing]
You don't wanna watch this.
549
00:24:02,716 --> 00:24:05,385
{\an8}I-I absolutely do.
550
00:24:05,386 --> 00:24:06,928
{\an8}- That's me.
- Wow.
551
00:24:06,929 --> 00:24:08,554
{\an8}I can't believe
my dad taped over
552
00:24:08,555 --> 00:24:09,764
{\an8}an American classic for this.
553
00:24:09,765 --> 00:24:12,242
{\an8}I... I can believe it.
554
00:24:13,644 --> 00:24:16,896
{\an8}? Consider yourself well in ?
555
00:24:16,897 --> 00:24:19,065
{\an8}I think your dad
made the right choice.
556
00:24:19,066 --> 00:24:21,192
{\an8}This is perfect.
557
00:24:21,193 --> 00:24:24,570
{\an8}? There isn't a lot to spare ?
558
00:24:24,571 --> 00:24:25,905
{\an8}? Who cares ?
559
00:24:25,906 --> 00:24:28,634
{\an8}? Whatever we got we share ?
560
00:24:28,684 --> 00:24:33,234
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