Original subtitles

340.

Bang on.

Next.

Storm damage.

External security not renewed.

Go.

I think you might have put a little bit of weight on in the intervening years.

It's my shoes.

They've got very heavy soles. Yeah, right.

Nice stroke.

You never lose it.

Not to worry.

There isn't a car I can't drive, or an alarm I can't silence.

It always comes down to two wires without fail.

Which one?

That's where all the years of experience come from, Maurice.

Go on, that's it.

All right.

Eeny, meeny, miny. No!

Moe.

I can do this with me eyes shut.

See, that's why you and I are different, Modis.

You always expect the worst, where... You're a pathological optimist.

I'm bored, Mo. You're taking ages.

The torch.

Sorry.

Bit rusty, Mo.

Sorry.

Go and wait somewhere.

Where? Somewhere else.

It beats Spain, don't it?

What have we done?

I like it.

You have to give things a chance. No, you don't. That's not my experience.

Says the man who famously greeted mad Frankie Fraser with, I bet your bark's

worse than your bite.

How long did the bruising take to go down?

Surprisingly quickly, actually.

And it still sends a Christmas card to my autographs every year.

Witchy autographs, I'll find you and I'll kill you.

Read the signs, Sid.

Occasionally they're there for our benefit.

You alright?

Oh, it's wheelchair-friendly.

The lift.

I'm not in a wheelchair.

No, I know, but...

You ever are so inclined what is

I can't find a space for a steak dish.

I'm not sure that's the biggest storage issue we've got.

Before the day is out, I intend to have a proper cup of tea and a trip round

Marks and Spencer's.

Thank you for making the right decision.

Well, there's only so much sun, sea and sand Rio one can manage in one's

lifetime, isn't there?

It's the one Thora Heard used to lie underneath.

What is?

That. That alarm thing.

It was in the Sunday mags, I can remember.

But she couldn't reach it, so she used to press the bloody pendant job round

her neck.

We don't get one of those.

I don't want one.

Bottom line is, you knew what it'd be like.

Barbara's right. You don't want to die in a foreign country.

That's not exactly what she said, Sid.

Never mind how old we're there. Any drugs you get, they shove straight up

your... Sidney, the issue here is one of harsh reality, as opposed to a quick

deco at some plans over tapas.

Hello?

Excuse me, we've come a long way, if you don't mind.

Yes, I'm coming.

Two pints of lager and a bottle of brandy.

I can only sell it by the measure.

Still up. Oh, God, this country.

All right.

I'll have 25 shots each, please.

I never thought you'd go through with it.

Well, I was just being a supportive husband.

You're being negative. I feel negative.

25 shots?

Gentlemen, forgive me.

Get them down, you Gregory Peck.

They're on the house.

Cheers.

You'll be in need of a warm welcome after the journey you've made, eh?

I saw the van earlier.

Outside the view.

Welcome to the Hooglemont. Or the Hoogie, as the locals call it.

Name's Edley.

And I'm the landlord of this fine establishment.

Morris. Sid.

You're always more than welcome in here.

Particularly on a Friday night.

And we're usually graced with the presence of one PC White who does her

cracking line in counterfeit designer gear.

Oh, this.

I've got this for him.

20 quid.

Boss,

three S's. It's the only difference.

Is that illegal?

Well... Depends where you draw the line, don't it, Maurice?

Come in.

We get all sorts in here.

That's what I'm saying.

Hedley? Hedley, have you seen my pen? Helen, here.

Here.

Helen, let me introduce you.

Morris, Sid.

Just in from the Costa.

This is Ellen.

It's me lovely wife.

I'm very pleased to meet you both.

Hedley, come and kick the cooker, will you? There's an element gone.

All right.

Well, enjoy, lads. Great to have you back.

And finally, the local boozer, run apparently by a bloke on some

local weekend, a community day release game.

Nice.

Keep an eye on him, will you?

Well, I'm... He's way too interested in us, isn't he?

Scotland Yard's most wanted this scene.

And Interpol.

The men's are still going to be looking for us.

Remember that?

Yeah, of course.

What?

That's more like it.

What is?

You. The Morris I know.

Suspicious.

Untrusting.

Cantankerous, foul-mouthed, misanthroped, but always on the front

foot.

We will overcome, because that's what we do, me and you. You're right.

We're the good blokes here.

If I said anything... I hope your ferry sinks and you drown.

I never meant it.

It's good to have you around.

Well, lend us 18 grand, then, will you?

Eighteen grand. That's why I was a bit... I just got the call with New

King. I'm getting back to you as soon as I can.

Maurice?

Oh, I thought I heard you crashing about.

Have you had a lot to drink?

Jet lag.

You came by boat, Sid.

And Bacardi.

We have celebrated a bit.

Was there something?

Can you give me a hand with the curtains?

I can't reach.

Of course.

Two seconds.

What have you done? What have you done? It's not anything.

I mean, it's not even me.

It's Joe.

Don't. Don't go like that. Why?

It's always Joe. Even abroad, there wasn't a week went by when you weren't

sending him money or calling in favors. It's me son.

What am I supposed to do?

And actually, he's managing all right.

Got himself a job a while back.

Only had an accident with it. What sort of an accident?

Are you familiar with ornamental carp?

About a month ago, he's got this delivery to make.

Only it's dinner time.

So he parks up for some snapping.

And I suppose, if you're being hypocritical, you could say that he

should have checked whether the level of cooling they was providing for these

fish allowed for a second cuppa.

and a slice of Bakewell tart.

Because while it does keep them lovely and fresh, it turns out that freezing

fish doesn't necessarily keep them alive.

18 grand for goldfish?

They're like horses, Maurice.

You get different types.

Thoroughbreds. In any case, the fish only come to five, which is paid off.

The rest is admin charges.

What are you talking about?

Off of the people that bought the debt.

18,000, Sid!

Oh, flippin' heck, Maurice, I know.

I haven't got that sort of money.

You could still help me, though, couldn't you?

Get hold of it.

Oh, no, no, Sid. No.

We've hung up our boots, so don't even think that. No!

Sorry. Yes.

What?

When?

No, no, no, of course, of course.

I told you he was serious.

I saw his blog and his mates.

I broke three of my ribs.

I did my best.

I swear.

What's done's done, innit?

You can't let him come back after me, Dad.

Not now you're back home.

You can't let me down again.

Maurice didn't... didn't see you there.

Jo.

Sorry you're... not so good.

Sid, can I have a private word with Jo?

Your father loves you.

He adores you.

And if I ever hear you talk to him like that again, I'll break every other bone

in your body that's not already broken.

He didn't let you down.

I did.

Safes on the ground floor. What?

Locks on the upper windows.

Two for seven quid. I'll do it all.

Nothing worth nicking out there.

What? The invisibles.

We're back.

Remember the last time I had this spirit level out?

George sank in Paris.

We was glamour.

We was glitz.

What?

You're my best friend in the whole world, Maurice. No one else would have

done this for me. I know that.

First time in 18 years, eh?

Let's get to business.

What are you doing?

I'm bored, Mo. You're taking ages.

Bit rusty, Mo.

Sorry.

Go and wait somewhere.

Where? Somewhere else.

Nice one.

Sid!

What?

Have you got a hanky?

Huh? No worries, no worries. I'll use me sleeve.

What are you doing?

Here.

Hold on.

We'll take this.

Yes.

Come on.

Cook it with gas.

Just a drive, Santa.

Like riding a bike, Moe. You'll never forget how.

They're still there, see?

God, what was I thinking?

When Barbara finds out.

Just stop. Just pull over before you kill us both.

I've lost them.

No, you haven't. You just can't see because your eyesight's so bad.

Bloody hell. I wonder you were bumping into things.

I either need them or my eyes are tired.

Sid, what are you doing?

Sidney!

Sid!

Four of them. All dead.

Jesus.

Dead. As in breathing.

Bloody annoyed.

that are bound to arrest us.

You... rat!

20 year olds, of course they catch him.

Come on in.

I

feel

terrible, Mo.

It's not your fault, Nick.

Make it as authentic as possible. That's what we said. That's what we meant.

See if there'd been any slippage.

Don't look at me.

Here's Sid.

There was one thing, actually.

You did the infrared and the motion stuff lovely getting in there. Only

there were two tremor points that you missed.

What? Little thing.

Device.

Came out a couple of years ago.

A couple of others in there you might not be too familiar with.

I mean, generally, bang on.

Thank you.

Thank you, Nick.

And you got some nice new stuff and all, eh?

Yeah. Books and, er, that pen was lovely.

400 quid a piece they are, Sid.

Incidentally, you, uh... You signed your name when you were, uh, you

know... It's just a small point, like, you know.

I... I wanted to see how it rolled.

Rehearsal.

Well, I'd never do it on the night.

It could happen to anyone.

Who wants another Scotch top-up? You'd better be making tracks.

Yeah.

It's been lovely seeing you again, Nick.

Thanks again.

It's been most... informative.

Has it?

I mean, you ain't actually said more.

You know how it all went.

How it went?

Aside from us... demolishing your front room.

and becoming involved in a near-fatal car chase with the police.

And one of a select band signing his name at the scene of the crime, not to

mention leaving fingerprints of a quality that a forensics expert would

struggle to mock up!

Aside from that, A1, I should say.

Oh, come on, Morris, it wasn't all that bad.

Crazy. Once it's over, it's over.

I suppose I better put this back.

You cracked the safe.

Ah, yeah.

So?

You cracked the safe.

You cracked it.

Oh!

What time did you get off this morning?

Don't you play the innocent with me, Maurice Riley.

Oh, God, what?

Hardly unpacked and already it's started.

I've left a note.

In he rolls, 5am. It was two and I explained quite clearly. Let him out of

breath. I had a can of curry.

Really? The kind that makes you take double glucosamine as soon as you walk

through the door.

I've checked, so don't deny it.

Bit of wear and tear on the joints, was there? Knees giving you a chip.

For heaven's sake, I was out with Sid.

Well, why didn't you tell me you were out with him?

Because... Because you know how you get when I have a mogul butter chicken or a

lamb passanda with extra cream. You start bandying the C word around.

Cholesterol this and cholesterol that.

I just fancied a blowout.

You promised me, Maurice, you'd never ever go back to work. No more crime.

And I meant it.

Then you're having an affair.

How? What's her name?

Sid Woolsey. We were at the Taj Mahal, just next to Tesco's. Worried about it.

Bring them.

Clara, honestly, do you really think that I'm mucking about on the side?

I'd have an affair with you.

Well, that's because you're a person of questionable morality.

Unlike me.

Did it make you hanker?

All that wild indulgence, did you pine for the good old days?

Last night, me and Sid.

I'm not joking. I couldn't wait to get back here. This is the good life now.

Hello. Nick. Boris.

What's wrong? I need an intercept.

Double quick from my home line. Yeah, okay.

Doing it. Who am I? Where am I? Taj Mahal. Local curry house.

You're the owner.

Punjabi or what?

Oh, whatever you like. Just sound convincing.

You served me and Sid last night.

Something unhealthy.

Masala. Pillar rice.

Shed loads of brandy. What's that?

Trust in marriage is a wonderful thing, Nick.

Lack of trust, however, makes for longevity.

I'm parked on nautical double yellows here.

Rabid, you know.

River police, they catch you.

I know that you'll be aware.

You can moor here if you want.

It's all included in the price.

I've got a parker upstream.

How inconvenient for you.

Well, better having a boat off the beaten track than no boat at all, eh,

Morris?

Hey, Sid, what are you baiting me there?

Dynamite?

Mind you, good energy giver, innit, fish?

You'll be needing plenty of that after last night.

I beg your pardon.

I'm just saying, some adventure that must have been.

What time did you get in at?

I don't remember seeing you there.

No, but I was.

One of my insomniac walks.

And there you lads are, staggering in in the wee hours.

What was it, a strip joint or something?

Must have been, the way you both look. Bloody exhausted.

Or was it something better than that?

What do you mean?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Nothing.

See you around, lads.

He's on to us. No, he's not. Yeah, but if he's sniffing about the place, how

are we going to help Joe? Sid, there is no helping Joe. Don't you understand

that? Last night wasn't a dream. It was real.

There is no way back.

Yeah, hello.

Listen, I'm... I need a health check.

Everything you've got.

There's a landlord with a Pougamont pub.

I'll send it to you now.

Yeah, OK, Mo.

OK. Cheers.

Here, have this and all.

Port and brandy.

Nature's amoxicillin.

Thank you.

And that robe, well, it's all right, isn't it?

Yeah, it's fine.

I could just as easily have gone back to my flat, you know. No, I feel

responsible.

And anyway, you're all on your own over there.

Oh, I mean... Oh, I didn't mean that... Oh, it's just Hedley's told us and...

No, it's fine.

Has he, um...

Has he talked about us much, then?

No.

Really. Well, a couple of things.

Oh, no. Oh, we haven't been gossiping, I promise.

Keeps his friends to himself, Hedley does.

Right, then.

Can I just say, I think it's lovely how you've got it in here.

Aw, thanks.

I always try, you know, whenever we get a new tenancy.

Make me mark.

Oh, you've certainly done that.

Any road.

Better get me clothes and get off.

Oh, yeah, I'll go and get them.

Oh, if there's ever anything I can do, return the favour, you know.

Just ask.

That's really nice.

That's it.

Are you going to answer that bloody thing?

Hello?

No.

No, that's fine.

Thank you.

Who was it?

Claude.

On the front desk.

It's just like Joey.

He's on his way up. Joe is?

I blow Collins.

Came to see us again in hospital.

I have to pay him back by Friday.

Can't stop here for a bit.

I need a bottle, Dad.

Come on, one last job. No.

Hello, Sid.

No, I told you. I know what you told me. And I'm telling you, I don't accept it.

I'll see you downstairs.

Don't keep him, Sid.

It's our party tomorrow night at the Hoogie. And he's promised to hold my

basket whilst I run wild at the cold meats counter.

Sid, don't make it any worse.

You got the necklace.

All right.

There were problems.

And they were mostly my doing, I know that. But the main thing, you got the

jewels. I didn't.

What?

I ran out of time.

But I saw it. You put it on the table. That was Barbara's.

They were a pair.

The crown prince of Austria's twin daughters. We gave one to Nick and

Barbara had the other one. Which is what I took with me.

What I showed you.

Nick's wife's chores never left the vault.

I don't understand. We were the best.

We're not anymore.

We were always going to fail, Sid.

There, I've said it.

I couldn't face coming home empty-handed.

Not me.

It's just our little thank you for making us so welcome. Oh, yes, looking

forward to it.

You all set?

Actually, Babs, I feel a bit ropey.

You all right? It's a bit tight, that's all. I've got a little light down.

You go on ahead, all right?

Mm.

I'm the best safe-cracker this country has ever produced. I am William

Shakespeare, Bobby Moore and the Beatles.

And once, blood ran through my veins.

We were the best.

We're not anymore.

We were always going to fail, Sid.

I'm the best safe-cracker this country has ever produced.

I am William Shakespeare.

Bobby Moore and the Beatles.

And once, blood ran through my veins.

It's a little rusty, that's all.

Are you in there?

What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just, um... Hadley's got some photos of us breaking into young

Nick's place.

Don't believe anything was stolen?

Any complaints, mate?

You were practicing.

You're back in.

I've no idea what you're talking about.

Come on, Morris.

You're Morris Riley.

You're Sid Woolsey.

You're the Invisibles.

And how would you know that?

Because you were friends with me dad.

We were friends with a lot of people.

Hotel Samaritz.

Big society wedding.

He broke the strongbox, but he had all the gifts in.

Only there's a problem getting away, so he went to ground.

And my dad got frostbite in his big toe and he had to take it off with a Swiss

Army knife.

Vernon.

Vernon Hathaway.

My dad.

The third invisible.

Sit down, fellas.

Sit down.

I have waited so long, so long to hook up with you lads.

Every job you pulled, every move you made, I knew every last detail.

And even when Dad died and you packed in, I was religious

in the papers on the net. The slightest mention, I devoured it.

Because I'm in the same line as you.

You're a publican. No, I'm not.

I'm not, Sid. That's a cover, isn't it? The tenancies.

The tenancies, they allow me to drift around the country, you know, nice and

easy. No questions.

But it ain't the main job.

I was the man behind the Rotherham Seven.

You've probably heard of us.

Something of a reputation for top-end jobs.

Yeah, well, it's smaller up north and you can't afford to stand out too much.

Anyway, the point being...

Everything I did, you, you two were my guiding light.

So when I heard you were coming back to England to here, contact's on the

custer.

I got myself through the doors at the Oogie double quick, and here I am. I'm

in who you are, and it's bloody perfect.

What are you talking about?

Us, Maurice.

The Invisibles reformed.

It makes sense.

I mean, you've got skills that the kids, the kids today, they just haven't got.

And I've got the legs.

And I mean, they say that, you know, about great boxers. That's what goes.

Never the punch.

Well, I can take care of all that side of things and all you've got to do is

use your God-given gift.

You little prat.

To do what, eh?

Is that what these are about?

Hmm?

Showing us what a smooth operator you are. No.

Well, the thing is, you haven't been entirely straight with us, have you?

Hedley Alan Huthwaite, arrested at 23, 26, 34.

See, I know all about you already.

You knew he was Vernon's lad. And all the top-end jobs you've been pulling,

electrifying the upper echelons of British crime. What is that? What is

that you're looking at?

Petty theft, benefit fraud, handling stolen goods.

Oh.

The theft of 78 wheelchairs and six artificial limbs from Humberside Health

Authority. Nice.

What happens? Does Helen get a pub somewhere near the prison? I don't know

what you're talking about.

Your dad was a gentleman and a thoroughbred, and he would never have

pulled a stunt like this because he was top end.

Now, haven't you got some glasses to wash?

We've got work to do.

What do you mean, we've got work to do?

Sort your Joe out.

Pay those loan sharks a visit.

Holland?

Tonight.

It's a 1973 Meridian.

Comes with a haywain or the first intemaria, tugged to his last breath to

be broken up.

I've got a blue flashing light on the one.

Harold's running a bank business, Sid.

Disinclined to use the local bank.

Who

the

hell are you?

Kreets!

I want to know why you were trying to rob me.

I want to know before I call the police why you broke into my office and

tried to clear me out.

We actually weren't very good.

Hey! He's got his hands tied!

I'm sorry.

Does that break some prehistoric code of honor or something?

What?!

Let's try again, you thieving boy. You're calling us thieves?

The five grand debt already paid. You charge 18 in interest.

The fish, ma?

My lad.

Oh, Christ.

Is it any wonder he turned out to be such a high achiever?

You said leave, leave. Who the hell are you, eh?

We did you.

Tis you good and proper.

And we can do you every day in a week and a half.

No matter what security you put in here, you just got lucky coming back when you

did.

But we stuffed you.

And don't you forget it.

He's not wrong, you know.

You boys, you're actually in the presence of greatness.

And who may you be?

I'm the hardest man you've ever met in your life.

All debt's paid.

So, now just imagine his lads stood here handing this over.

I think that was the plan.

Pay you off with your own cash.

Classic.

Always.

Done.

So back off.

Otherwise, they'll just come visit you again and they'll just rob you again.

Because they weren't making you up, you know.

You boys, you're just not good enough to keep them out.

Yeah?

If you don't take me seriously, I'll be back and all.

Only next time, I'll be angry.

You don't want to see that.

You're just missing a third man.

I don't know whether to wait, Joe.

He's had a tough few days.

I'll tell him later over tea and toast.

Speaking of which,

I'm not fast asleep without Barbara before she wakes up.

This century may be somewhat peric.

We did it, Mo.

Did the job. Yes, we did.

Laughing boy was a big help.

But we did it.

You'd never lose it. You'd never lose it.

Just wanted to say hello properly.

Oh, look.

Sid.

Lovely. Hi.

Hello, Boris.

Oh, sorry, mate.

Boris. Just wanted to say thanks, you know.

Don't mention it.

I really am. Don't mention it.

Ladies and gentlemen, if I could just get your attention, I would like to

announce that the hot tub is now up and running.

Yeah, and I've just lobbed a bucket of disinfectant in so there's no worry of

catching communicable diseases.

I did hear a whisper.

Would you like a drink?

Maurice.

Hey. The hot tub.

I need someone to lead the charge.

I spent a bloody fortune on that thing.

Huh? Give it five minutes and then dive in. Well, you know, make a big splash so

they can all hear.

You weren't there, were you?

No. I'm arcyzing.

I told Ellen it was the garage door.

How about you?

Well, I fell on the pull-down seat in the shower.

Did give me a chance to take a hammer to it and smash a thing off the wall.

Fair do, sir.

Five minutes, yeah?

Ed Lee.

Thanks.

Very much.

You know, I wasn't lying.

I mean, all that stuff you found out about me, you know, even if it is true

and it was a bit shabby the way it turned out, I meant it about you and

Sid. You know, I'd be lying there in my cell when I'd been sent down for forging

OAP's pension books or selling three and a half tons of condemned chicken to a

school in Motherwell and I'd think, it don't have to be like this.

There's another way that's... that's clean somehow.

That's got style.

And I still think that today, Maurice.

Good evening.

Boris.

What are you doing?

Leap of faith.

This is

for you.

shoulder. What?

Last night.

I keep getting cramp.

Tell me about it, eh? Have a look at that.

Go on, turn it off. I'll keep it blocking myself the way I'm feeling.

Come on. Yeah, I get like that at all.

I'll not sleep tonight.

That makes it 72 hours.

Hey, lads, lads.

Isn't it great, eh?

The feeling.

Yeah.

I mean, Hadley's right, Mo.

We're three.

Always have been.

But if we are gonna start again, we need one more to remain invisible.

Not really breaking a promise, Mo.

Not if Barbara doesn't find out.

Oh, right.

Eh?

It was fun, though.

Ghost, you'll have to get fit. You won't. Well, you were glowing when we

ran from Batmolta.

Struggling, was he? Me? He had double-vision nausea.

Quote, it's total body cramp. I said we could do with a ramp. To vault the wall?

Exactly. Oh, dream on.

Hello, Morris.

I thought he was dead. So is he, copper. So what?

I can send you down for the Heathrow bullying job.

What do you want? You're going to do a job for me, Morris.

Do the job.

Without friction, there's no heat. Grace doesn't know about the past.

that he was a thief. In our heat, there's no flame.

Here.

Firebottle cider.

Don't hang about in the market square.

I'm 21, Dad.

You'd throw me to the lion.

It's a sad fact, but we're friends.

You unbelievable cretin!

Have you even got out of the flat yet?

Well, Ed Lee was, for a minute.

Then he staggered back in and collapsed.

Tell him I stonched it!

You're gonna rob a boat.

Redside marina.

No more mistakes.

All right.

I brushed your blacks.

You only have blacks at night.

This boat's more than a marina. It's twice the size of anything else there.

You're enjoying this. And I'm not going to let Mo down.

Without a flame, there's no fire.