Original subtitles

Can anyone tell me what I'm holding?

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Chris?

An egg?

No, Chris.

For the next week, this is not an egg.

These will be your children.

Each and every one of you will be paired

with a member of the opposite gender,

and the two of you will be the proud parents

of a brand new baby boy or girl.

Make my baby sunny-side up.

You'll have to care for the child,

and at the end of the week,

you'll give a report on your experience as parents.

When you say "care for the egg..."

Uh-- you mean the baby.

The baby. How do you mean?

You have to treat your egg like it's a real baby.

They were a lot more advanced on this subject

in my old school.

So the assignment is to treat your egg

like it's a real baby.

Do we have to do this?

You have to name it, feed it,

watch it at all times, and plan its future.

What if we break it?

This is worth 25% of your grade,

so if you crack, break, lose or eat your baby,

it's an automatic F.

Okay, but if our egg misbehaves, can we beat it?

What's CJH?

Is that my egg's initials?

No, that's my Corleone Junior High stamp,

so I'll know you don't switch eggs.

Now, look inside your baskets and you'll see

see the name of your partner for the week.

Chris, we have an uneven number of boys and girls,

so I thought I'd make you a single father.

I know it's something you can relate to

with your childhood and all.

I have a father.

Oh, I know, Chris.

If only your mom knew his name.

Just so you

embrace this project to the fullest,

I brought something special for you.

If it's my baby's mama, I hope she doesn't have feathers,

A brown egg?

They're all the same... on the inside.

Except my egg's gonna get pulled over by the police more.

Oh... a brown egg.

Stop! Ah! What?

That egg is my school project.

What are you talking about?

The egg is my baby.

I'm supposed to take care of it for a week

and then give a report on what it's like to be a father.

So what's it doing in my refrigerator?

Just chillin'.

You're not funny.

I'm just gonna leave it in there until it was time

to turn it in and give the report.

I already know what I'm gonna say.

It's an easy "A."

An easy "A"?

So you think that taking care of a baby is easy?

No, but it's not a baby.

It's an egg.

But your assignment is to take care of this egg

as if it were a baby.

Do you think I left you in the refrigerator

whenever I had something else to do?

Is it bad?

Not if you got a thousand dollars.

Ain't that right, baby?

(whistle blowing)

Break time, baby.

Break time.

You are gonna do this assignment,

and you're gonna do it right.

Damn!

We have a new addition to the family.

What? You having a baby?

He ain't sleeping in my room.

I'm not having a baby.

Chris did.

I thought you said if we bring home a baby,

you'd slap the Similac out of us.

It's not a real baby; it's an egg.

It's Chris's new school project.

Oh, cool. So what's the baby's name?

I didn't really name it.

Can we call him Junebug?

Junebug?

What kind of name is Junebug?

It's better than what I was thinking of--

The Incredible Edible Baby.

I'm going to show you just how hard it is to raise a baby,

Chris, wake up. The baby's crying.

What's wrong?

You got to change his diaper.

Chris, wake up. The baby's crying.

What's wrong? He's hungry.

Chris? Huh?

The baby's crying.

Is it hungry? No.

Is it wet?

No. What's wrong with it?

He's got gas.

(grunts)

Chris.

(sighs)

ROCHELLE: Hey, sweetie.

You ready for your big report?

No, I was ready to have egg on my face.

I lost my egg.

Oh. That's not your egg?

No, this is the one I took from the refrigerator

when I lost the other one.

Wait a minute.

You got me here like Columbo trying to figure

how my food is disappearing,

and it's right there in your hand?

I was scared to tell you what happened.

I didn't want you to get mad.

See, Chris? That's my point.

If your real child was missing, would you hide it from me?

Yes. No.

Would you steal a white kid and paint him brown?

Yes. No, sir.

See, you thinking about the wrong thing.

The hardest thing about being a father

is not learning how to care for somebody;

it's learning how to quit thinking so much about yourself.

You know, I can't

let you go to class with a fake egg.

But I'm going to get an "F."

No, you're not.

Junebug? What...?

Monk brought it over.

Apparently, when you weren't paying attention,

it got mixed in with another customer's groceries.

Well, why didn't you tell me you had it?

Why didn't you tell me you lost it?

Here.

And the next time you bring a baby in my house,

you better bring his mother, and she better be your wife.

What I thought would be an easy "A"

ended up being one of the hardest grades

I've ever earned.

You know, I made fun of you

for taking this project so seriously,

but I actually learned something.

Me, too: women are nuts and private school's expensive.

Yeah, I don't want to be father any time soon.

MORELLO: All right, class, take your seats

so we can get started.

I can't wait to hear all your reports.

(crunching) Junebug!