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All language subtitles for In Living Color S05E19 Dirty Dozens Tournament of Champions.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.20FOX

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,669 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 2 00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:08,373 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪ 3 00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:10,141 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 4 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:16,381 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪ 5 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:18,617 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 6 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,619 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 7 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,667 ♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪ 8 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,735 ♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪ 9 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,670 - ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪ - HI-YAH! 10 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,128 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 11 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,797 ♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪ 12 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,844 ♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪ 13 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,035 ♪ AND ALL MANKIND DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪ 14 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,571 ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪ 15 00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:43,107 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪ 16 00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,243 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 17 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,812 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 18 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,416 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 19 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:55,753 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 20 00:00:55,822 --> 00:01:00,526 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 21 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:04,530 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 22 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,531 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪ 23 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,019 ALL RIGHT, MR. HARRIS. ARE YOU READY TO MAKE YOUR OPENING STATEMENT? 24 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,976 YES, I AM, YOUR HONOR. 25 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,767 MY CLIENT HAS FILED A PATERNITY SUIT TO OBTAIN 26 00:01:19,791 --> 00:01:21,424 CHILD SUPPORT FROM THE FATHER OF THE CHILD. 27 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,393 AND WHERE IS THE ALLEGED FATHER OF THE CHILD? 28 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,284 I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THAT, YOUR HONOR, BUT... 29 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:37,596 YOUR HONOR, THIS IS THE DEFENDANT, CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS. 30 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,731 MR. WILLIAMS, IS THIS YOUR ATTORNEY? 31 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,400 NO, HE JUST HANGIN'. 32 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,949 - THEN ARE YOU HANDLING YOURSELF? - NOT RIGHT NOW. 33 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:47,684 IT'S KIND OF HARD TO GET TO IT, YOU KNOW, WITH THE GLOVES. 34 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:51,443 MR. WILLIAMS, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, WILL YOU BE ACTING AS YOUR OWN LAWYER? 35 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:54,513 WELL, AS THE FAMOUS SCHOLAR LEON SPINKS HAS SAID, 36 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:58,450 "ANY BOXER WHO REPRESENTS HIMSELF HAS A FOOL FOR A CLIENT." 37 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:01,686 - SO YOU WILL BE REPRESENTING YOURSELF. - BASICALLY. 38 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:05,090 YOUR HONOR, I'D LIKE TO CALL CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS TO THE STAND... 39 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,092 WITHOUT JABBA THE HUT. 40 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,595 UH, PLEASE. 41 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,664 RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND. 42 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:22,808 - UH... - MR. WILLIAMS! 43 00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:26,178 PLEASE RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND! 44 00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:29,081 OH. IT'S GREAT. IT'S GREAT. 45 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,650 YOUR OTHER RIGHT. 46 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,186 S... SKIP IT. 47 00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,531 YOU PROMISE TO TELL THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH 48 00:02:36,555 --> 00:02:38,756 AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP YOU, GOD? 49 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,825 IT'S ALL GOOD. 50 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:48,200 YOUR HONOR, I WILL PROVE THAT THIS MAN WAS INTIMATE WITH MY CLIENT... 51 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:50,388 THE NIGHT OF MAY THE EIGHTH... 52 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,572 AT THE SNOOTY FOX MOTEL ON CRENSHAW. 53 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,609 AH, SEE, THAT'S A LIE 'CAUSE, SEE, THE SNOOTY FOX IS ON WESTERN. 54 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,144 NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S ON VERMONT. PLEASE CONTINUE. 55 00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:03,014 - I THOUGHT I SAW... - CONTINUE. 56 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:07,351 UH, MR. WILLIAMS, MY CLIENT WAS THE CARD GIRL AT YOUR BOUT... 57 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,188 AGAINST RAZOR RUDDOCK. 58 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,190 DO YOU RECOGNIZE HER? UH, LOOK, MAN. 59 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:15,226 SOMETIME WITHIN THAT WHOLE ROUND, I WAS KNOCKED INTO A COMA, 60 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,295 SO, YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY... YOU KNOW. 61 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,110 AND WHEN DID YOU COME OUT OF THAT COMA? 62 00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:22,533 UH, VERY SOON, HOPEFULLY. 63 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,272 OKAY! 64 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:34,846 IF IT PLEASES THE COURT, I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU EXHIBIT "A." 65 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,484 "A" IS FOR APPLE, "J" IS FOR JACK. 66 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,553 CINNAMON-TOASTED APPLE JACKS. 67 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:44,022 ORDER! GET TO THE POINT, PLEASE. 68 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,992 YOU NEED A GOOD BREAKFAST, AND THAT WHERE IT'S AT. MR. HARRIS. 69 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,127 ALL RIGHT. IT STARTED OFF WITH APPLE JACKS. 70 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,229 ALL RIGHT, NOW, LOOK. 71 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:55,300 THIS BRA WAS FOUND ON THE FLOOR IN YOUR HOTEL ROOM. 72 00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,914 EXPLAIN THAT TO US. CAN YOU DO THAT? WELL, AFTER... 73 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:01,807 EXPLAIN IT, MAN! HEY, BROTHER. IT'S ALL GOOD. 74 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:05,877 WELL, BASICALLY, SEE, WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS IS THAT WE RAN OUT OF COFFEE FILTERS, 75 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:10,014 AND I SAID, "HEY, LOOK. WHAT YOU DOING WITH THAT AROUND YOUR CHEST, MIRIAM?" 76 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,049 SO WE USED THAT. 77 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:16,053 AND THEN I HAD TOLD HER THAT MY NIPPLES HAD DILATED. 78 00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:19,291 AND I NEEDED, UH... 79 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,126 I NEEDED... I NEEDED... 80 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,429 I NEEDED SOME CIRCUMFERENCE. 81 00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,870 I WANT THE TRUTH! 82 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,773 YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH! 83 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:44,249 YOU WEEP FOR SANTIAGO BECAUSE HE HAD NO CODE, HE HAD NO HONOR. 84 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,885 NOW, CAN I GO NOW? 85 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,755 MR. HARRIS, GET ON TRACK, PLEASE. 86 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,336 IF IT PLEASES THE COURT, I'D LIKE TO RE-CREATE... 87 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,128 THE EVENTS OF THAT EVENING. 88 00:04:56,196 --> 00:05:00,198 IF IT PLEASE ME, I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO "COLIFERATE"... 89 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:03,401 THE SAME, UH, "CRUSTINATION." 90 00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,306 WILL THE PLAINTIFF PLEASE APPROACH THE BENCH, PLEASE? 91 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,876 COME ON. YOU'RE ALL RIGHT. 92 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:14,212 LIKE, IT'S ALL RIGHT. 93 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:17,381 IT'S THE NIGHT OF MAY THE EIGHTH, 1992. 94 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,619 DAMN! I'M STILL WRITING CHECKS AND PUTTIN' 1977 ON 'EM. 95 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,722 I KNEW THEY WERE SENDING THE CHECKS BACK FOR SOME... 96 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,559 THE TWO OF YOU CHECK IN TO THE SNOOTY FOX MOTEL. 97 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,228 - ANYWAY, URKEL. - YOU WENT INTO THE... 98 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:40,371 YOUR HONOR, I WILL ADMIT THAT URKEL IS ABOUT MY AGE NOW. 99 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:46,778 YOU WENT INTO THE SNOOTY FOX UNDER THE NAME CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS. 100 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:51,315 AS YOU HAD MENTIONED, THAT IS RIDICULOUS! WHY WOULD I MAKE UP A NAME LIKE THAT? 101 00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:55,219 SIR, THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. 102 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,289 IN THIS COUNTRY. 103 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:03,294 BESIDES THE FACT THAT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN CHEWING ON BLACK JELLY BEANS, 104 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,997 WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? 105 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,066 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED. 106 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,947 HE TOOK ME UP TO MY ROOM, AND EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO QUICKLY. 107 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,149 I MEAN, THE WHOLE THING LASTED MAYBE TWO MINUTES. 108 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:16,541 I WENT DOWN FOR A QUICK COUNT! 109 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,555 AFTER THE FIGHT IS WHAT THE HELL WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT HERE. 110 00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,157 IS THAT WHAT WE TALKIN' ABOUT? THAT'S WHAT WE TALKIN' ABOUT. 111 00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:24,382 WELL, STEP ON. AT THE HOTEL! 112 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:28,153 WELL, AFTER THE FIGHT, YOU KNOW, SHE WAS COMING AT ME PRETTY HARD. 113 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,388 SHE WAS HITTIN' BELOW THE BELT. 114 00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:33,924 BUT I STUCK WITH MY "SCRAGEDY." I WAS STICKIN' AND MOVIN', STICKIN' AND MOVIN'! 115 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:35,927 YEAH! 116 00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,310 SO, FROM WHAT I CAN TELL, 117 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:44,536 HE IS ADMITTING THAT HE HAD RELATIONS WITH MY CLIENT. 118 00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:47,305 NO. WE JUST HAD SEX. 119 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,518 YOUR HONOR, I REST MY CASE. 120 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:53,044 ANYBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CAN SEE THAT THIS CHILD... 121 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,280 WAS FATHERED BY THE TOOTH. 122 00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,886 OH, NO. SEE, THIS CAN'T BE MY CHILD 'CAUSE HIS JHERI CURL AIN'T WETTED DOWN. 123 00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:04,889 IT'S ALL DRIED UP. HE AIN'T GOT NO TEETH IN HIS HEAD. WHAT'S GOING ON? 124 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:08,059 HEY! COME ON, TOOTH! 125 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,840 I THINK HE GOT ME WITH A SUCKER PUNCH, MAN. I NEED A REMATCH. 126 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,231 THIS IS RIDICULOUS! COME ON! 127 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,906 FROM THE MAKERS OF PHILADELPHIA, 128 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:25,677 THE STORY OF ONE MAN'S STRUGGLE TO STAY OUT OF THE CLOSET... 129 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:28,112 SAN FRANCISCO. 130 00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:33,918 MR. BECKETT, WE USED TO CONSIDER YOU A TOP-FLIGHT ATTORNEY AT THIS FIRM. 131 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,588 WE'D GIVE YOU A JOB, AND YOU'D GET RIGHT ON IT. 132 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:39,891 - BUT LATELY YOU'VE BEEN CARELESS AND SLOPPY. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 133 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,593 YOU MISPLACED THE FILES FOR THE LIBERACE ESTATE! 134 00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:46,798 LAST NIGHT YOU CLAIMED THAT YOU WERE WITH A CLIENT, AND WE GOT PHOTOS OF YOU. 135 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,100 YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT? 136 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:53,204 THAT'S MY FRIEND FRANK! HE LOOKS GREAT IN A DRESS. 137 00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,020 OH, REALLY? MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN 138 00:07:55,044 --> 00:07:57,041 THAT LITTLE WHITE MARK THERE ON YOUR FINGER! 139 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,510 THAT'S WHERE I WEAR MY COLLEGE RING. 140 00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:02,780 ISN'T THAT THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING RING FINGER OF A BREEDER? 141 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,828 BREEDER? BREEDER. 142 00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:07,197 BREEDER, BREEDER. BREEDER, BREEDER, BREEDER! 143 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:10,054 SING US THE FIRST-ACT FINALE FROM PHANTOM! 144 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:13,358 - I CAN'T REMEMBER! - OF COURSE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER 'CAUSE YOU NEVER SAW IT! 145 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:16,827 HOW MANY HETEROSEXUALS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB? 146 00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,798 - THAT'S NOT FUNNY! - I TOLD YOU HE WAS STRAIGHT! 147 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,602 MR. BECKETT, YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED! 148 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,372 - ARE YOU SAYING I'M FIRED? - BITCH, DID I STUTTER? 149 00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:32,807 I NEED AN ATTORNEY. I'VE BEEN FIRED BY MY LAW 150 00:08:32,831 --> 00:08:35,246 FIRM... NELSON, TENDERLOIN AND SUGARSTEIN. 151 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:39,684 I NEED SOMEONE WHO CAN THINK LIKE THEM, GET INSIDE THEIR HEADS, PLAY THEIR GAMES. 152 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,685 SOMEONE LIKE YOU, RuPAUL. 153 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:48,726 - AM I THAT OBVIOUS? - WELL, YEAH, KIND OF. 154 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:52,297 WELL, YOU'RE CUTE. I'LL TAKE YOUR CASE. 155 00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,299 THANK YOU. 156 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:57,601 LISTEN, WHAT WAS THE REAL REASON WHY YOU THINK YOU GOT FIRED? 157 00:08:57,670 --> 00:09:01,506 WELL, THEY FOUND OUT I WAS STRAIGHT. 158 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:17,088 TOM HANKS AND RuPAUL STARRING IN SAN FRANCISCO, 159 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:19,891 COMING OUT TO A THEATER NEAR YOU. 160 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:24,062 ♪♪ COME ON! 161 00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,267 COME ON! 162 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,369 C-C-C-COME ON! 163 00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,810 THIS... IS... 164 00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:42,947 THE DIRTY DOZENS TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS! 165 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,016 NOW ENTERING OUR STUDIO, 166 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,252 A FIVE-TIME CHAMPION FROM UPTOWN NEW YORK, 167 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,321 T-DOG JENKINS! 168 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:55,393 ANOTHER FIVE-TIME CHAMPION FROM HOUSTON'S FIFTH WARD, 169 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,462 AMFENY CLARK. 170 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:02,467 AND LAST YEAR'S DIRTY DOZENS TOURNAMENT CHAMPION, 171 00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:07,539 FROM COMPTON, CALIFORNIA, DAMIAN "FOOSBALL" FRANKLIN! 172 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,641 FOOSBALL RULES! 173 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:16,481 AND NOW THE HOST OF DIRTY DOZENS, STU DUNFEY! 174 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,716 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 175 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,220 HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE DIRTY DOZENS TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS. 176 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,323 WHAT'S UP, STU? T-DOG IN THE HOUSE. HOW ARE YOU, MY FRIEND? 177 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,470 I JUST SEENS YOU LAST WEEK. 178 00:10:26,494 --> 00:10:28,204 WE SEE YOU HERE EVERY WEEK. HOW'S YOUR MOM? 179 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,228 SHE DOING FINE. HOW'S THE COLITIS? 180 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,097 - HE ALL RIGHT. - ALL RIGHTY. 181 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,741 WE ARE PRESENT AT THE DIRTY DOZENS GAME 182 00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:36,568 BOARD, WHERE TALKIN' TRASH CAN GET YOU CASH, 183 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:40,938 AND YOU MIGHT BE THE CHAMP IF YOUR MAMA'S A TRAMP. 184 00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,340 NOW, LET'S LOOK AT OUR CATEGORIES. 185 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:46,155 "YOUR MAMA'S SO BALD," "YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT," 186 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:49,380 "MAMA'S SO STUPID" AND "AMERICAN AUTHORS". 187 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,649 T-DOG, YOU WON THE COIN TOSS. START US OFF. 188 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:54,718 I THINK I WILL TAKE "YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID" FOR 100. 189 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,921 LET'S HAVE A LOOK. "YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID." 190 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,457 AMFENY. 191 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,760 YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID, SHE TRIPPED OVER A CORDLESS PHONE. 192 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,699 AND YOU'RE ON THE BOARD. PICK AGAIN. 193 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,802 HOW ABOUT "MAMA'S SO FAT" FOR A HUNDRED, STU? 194 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:14,672 CLASSIC CATEGORY. "YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT." T-DOG? 195 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:17,742 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE LOOK LIKE SHE'S SMUGGLIN' VOLKSWAGONS. 196 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,182 MAMA'S A BIG OLD GREASY HO! 197 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,517 ALL RIGHTY, T-DOG, NEED A CATEGORY. 198 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:30,522 I THINK I WILL GO WITH "AMERICAN AUTHORS" FOR 100, STUNESS. 199 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:35,093 NEW CATEGORY. BORN IN 1804, NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE WROTE SUCH CLASSIC FICTION... 200 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,895 AS THE SCARLET LETTER AND THE HOUSE OF THE SEVEN GABLES. 201 00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:42,233 FOR $100, HOW STANK WAS HIS MAMA? FOOSBALL. 202 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:46,537 NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE'S MOTHER WAS SO STANK, SHE SWEATED BLACK FLAG. 203 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,273 CORRECT! 204 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,243 ALL EVEN AT A C-SPOT! FOOSBALL, PICK A SQUARE! 205 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:56,047 I'LL TAKE "YOUR MOTHER'S SO FAT" FOR 200, STU. 206 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:59,150 "YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT." T-DOG! 207 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,153 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE WAKES UP IN SECTIONS. 208 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:06,124 THE UNDERGROUND DON'T STOP FOR HO'S. 209 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,861 LET'S GO WITH "YOUR MAMA'S SO BALD" THEN. 210 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,864 FOR 200, "YOUR MAMA'S SO BALD." FOOSBALL! 211 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:16,067 YOUR MOTHER'S SO BALD, SHE BLOW-DRY HAIR LIKE THAT. 212 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:23,541 YES! FOOSBALL, PICK A CATEGORY! 213 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:28,479 UH, I'LL TAKE "AMERICAN AUTHORS" FOR 200, STU. 214 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,681 ALL RIGHTY. LISTEN CAREFULLY, FOOSBALL. 215 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,790 AUTHOR AND HUMORIST SAMUEL CLEMENS WROTE THE CLASSIC TOM SAWYER... 216 00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,853 UNDER HIS BETTER-KNOWN PSEUDONYM. 217 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:39,323 WHAT WAS THAT PSEUDONYM, AND HOW BIG WAS HIS MAMA'S BUTT? 218 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,725 AMFENY. YEAH. 219 00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:44,173 MARK TWAIN, AND HIS MAMA'S BUTT WAS SO BIG, 220 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:47,098 IF YOU PUT YOUR EAR UP TO IT, YOU CAN HEAR THE OCEAN. 221 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,934 AND YOU HAVE CONTROL OF THE BOARD. 222 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:53,504 I'LL TAKE "MAMA'S SO FAT" FOR 300, STU! 223 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,575 T-DOG! BREAK 'EM OFF SOMETHIN'. 224 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,812 YOU TOO MUCH, MAN. 225 00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:04,927 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE GOT STRETCH MARKS ON HER CLOTHES. 226 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,286 YES! 227 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,454 PICK ANOTHER! 228 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,589 OH! AND THAT'S THE END OF THE FIRST ROUND. 229 00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:15,093 LET'S REVEAL THE FINAL SQUARES OF TONIGHT'S MYSTERY DIS. 230 00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:18,462 GENTLEMEN, PEEP THIS! 231 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:21,032 FOOSBALL. 232 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,402 YOUR MOTHER'S SO FAT, THE BACK OF HER NECK LOOK LIKE A PACK OF HOT DOGS. 233 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,337 YES, FOR 300! 234 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:29,674 FOOSBALL, YOU AND T-DOG ARE TIED. 235 00:13:29,743 --> 00:13:32,376 AMFENY, WE'LL SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU. 236 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:36,080 IT'S TIME FOR "YOUR MAMA'S WHEEL OF SUDDEN DEATH." 237 00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,786 IT'S TIME FOR "YOUR MAMA'S WHEEL OF SUDDEN DEATH." 238 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,888 YOU KNOW THE RULES. I SPIN THE WHEEL. 239 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:48,826 WHATEVER BODY PART IT LANDS ON, THAT'S WHERE YOU HAVE TO DIRECT YOUR DIS. T-DOG! 240 00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,731 "TEETH." 241 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,735 YOUR MAMA SO TOOTHLESS, IT TAKES HER A HOUR TO EAT MINUTE RICE. 242 00:13:57,803 --> 00:14:01,072 FOOSBALL, YOUR TURN! 243 00:14:04,745 --> 00:14:06,677 "EYES." 244 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:11,115 YOUR MAMA'S SO BLIND, SHE GOT EYES ON HER BUTT AND STILL CAN'T SEE SQUAT. 245 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,618 NO! I'M SORRY, FOOSBALL. 246 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,553 YOU USED THE WORD "EYES," BUT TECHNICALLY THAT'S A BUTT DIS. 247 00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:19,790 AND THAT MAKES T-DOG OUR WINNER! 248 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:26,664 CONGRATULATIONS, T-DOG. YOU'VE CERTAINLY COME A LONG WAY. 249 00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,234 NOW, YOU CAN STOP HERE AND TAKE HOME YOUR WINNINGS... 250 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:33,605 OR FACE THE FINAL TEST AND BECOME A TRUE DIRTY DOZENS GRAND MASTER. 251 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,642 ARE YOU WILLING TO RISK IT ALL, DOUBLE OR NOTHING, AND GO FOR GREATNESS? 252 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:48,119 I THINK I'LL GO IT. HE'LL GO FOR IT! ALL RIGHT! 253 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,585 THAT MEANS YOU'LL BE FACING OFF WITH THE 254 00:14:54,609 --> 00:14:57,195 ALL-TIME DIRTY DOZENS HALL OF FAME CHAMPION, 255 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,463 ED O'NEILL! 256 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,210 DOWN! 257 00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,950 WHO IS THIS LOSER? 258 00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,519 OH, YOU TRYIN' TO STEP TO ME, HUH? 259 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,588 HEY, I HAVE A GIRL WHO DOES THAT FOR ME. 260 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,293 YEAH, COME ON, CHRISTY LOVE. WHOA! 261 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:33,264 BACK OFF, NITRO! T-DOG, CHILL! U-N-I-T-Y. 262 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,701 LOVED YOU IN COFFEE. 263 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,702 SHES A ROUGH CHICK. 264 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:42,373 YOU'LL HAVE TO SETTLE YOUR DIFFERENCES ON THE FIELD OF DOZENS. 265 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:46,710 T-DOG, YOU'VE GOT 60 SECONDS TO DIS OUR CHAMPION'S MAMA SO BADLY, 266 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,847 HE GETS HIS BUTT OUT OF THE ROYAL BARCALOUNGER CHAIR. 267 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:53,117 THIS IS FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP. SIXTY SECONDS ON THE CLOCK. 268 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,119 READY? BEGIN. 269 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:59,691 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE GOT A JOB AT MAGIC MOUNTAIN PUSHIN' THE BUCCANEER. 270 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:17,775 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, AFTER SEX SHE SMOKES TURKEYS. 271 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,582 SHE'S SO FAT, AFTER MAKING LOVE TO HER, 272 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,151 I ROLL OVER TWICE AND I'M STILL ON HER. 273 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,894 YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID, SHE WAS FILLIN' OUT A JOB APPLICATION THAT SAID "SIGN HERE," 274 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,263 AND SHE PUT "SAGITTARIUS." 275 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,442 WELL, YOUR MAMA'S SO UGLY, TED DANSON WOULDN'T DATE HER. 276 00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:58,049 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE PLAYS HOPSCOTCH LIKE THIS... 277 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:01,452 L.A., CHICAGO, DETROIT, HOP. 278 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:14,198 YOUR MAMA IS SO STUPID, 279 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:17,568 SHE GAVE YOUR UNCLE... 280 00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:21,105 'CAUSE HE SAID IT WOULD HELP HIS UNEMPLOYMENT. 281 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:30,348 YEAH? YOUR MAMA'S GLASSES SO THICK, 282 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,083 WHEN SHE LOOKS AT A MAP, SHE CAN SEE PEOPLE WAVING! 283 00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:43,828 AND YOUR MAMA'S NOSE IS SO BIG, YOU CAN GO BOWLING WITH HER BOOGERS. 284 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:50,167 AND YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, BEFORE GOD SAID, "LET THERE BE LIGHT," 285 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:53,838 HE TOLD HER, "MOVE YOUR BIG BUTT OUT OF THE WAY!" 286 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,207 I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THAT ONE, MAN. 287 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,446 LADIES AND 288 00:17:58,470 --> 00:18:01,212 GENTLEMEN, THE CHAMPION MAINTAINS HIS THRONE! 289 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,214 CONGRATULATIONS! 290 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:10,788 LADIES, SEND HIM HOME TO HIS BIG, FAT, STINKIN' MAMA. 291 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,691 WE DON'T LOVE THEM HO'S. 292 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,467 THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TONIGHT. 293 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:27,004 JOIN US NEXT TIME ON THE DIRTY DOZENS! 294 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,979 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES WE LIKE TO DO THESE CLOSINGS... 295 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,981 AND DO JOKES AND BE CRAZY, MAN. 296 00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:40,284 I JUST WANT TO SAY, I LOVE YOU GUYS. THANKS FOR SUPPORTIN' ME. 297 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:43,854 I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. GOOD NIGHT! 298 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:48,292 ♪♪ 299 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:17,421 ♪♪ 300 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:45,516 ♪♪ 23575