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1
00:00:07,964 --> 00:00:09,051
When I was a kid,
2
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,487
I wanted to be Clark Kent,
3
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,054
saving the world,
by working at a newspaper.
4
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,361
- Have you read this paper?
- Uh-huh. It sucks.
5
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:15,753
You--
6
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,320
We are going to make it better.
7
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,713
Why don't we talk after you
meet your new boss, though.
8
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:21,672
My name is Esmeralda Grand,
managing editor.
9
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:24,197
I'm also in charge of
TTT Online.
10
00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:25,763
They hired me to be
the editor-in-chief.
11
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,330
Above Esmeralda? -Ned:
12
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,375
Ned has cockroach DNA.
13
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:33,032
You try to smash it, but then
it doesn't die? That's Ned.
14
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,556
Outstanding print coverage,
Toledo Truth Teller.
15
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,992
Yeah!
16
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:39,212
Oh, my God! Thank you so much.
17
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,474
And the winner is Mare Pritti.
18
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:41,779
Oh, my God.
19
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:46,175
Oscar Martinez for Mr. Digit.
20
00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:49,352
Ah, for-- Goddamn it.
21
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:52,181
- I think we need to break up.
- We aren't in
that kind of a relationship.
22
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:54,314
I kind of was, though.
23
00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,403
- You don't think
I wanna kiss you?
- I have no--
24
00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,579
I wanna kiss you.
This would be the classic,
25
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,277
fastest way
to mess everything up.
26
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,366
God.
27
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:04,716
Oh, shit.
28
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,979
What
do you do when
you get everything
29
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:10,069
you ever wanted in one night?
30
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,158
You ask for more.
31
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,681
It's called momentum.
32
00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:17,424
Two nights ago, we swept
the Ohio Journalism Awards.
33
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,731
And so now is the perfect time
to get what we need from Marv.
34
00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:24,431
I have a wish list, right?
Of a hundred thousand dollars.
35
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,955
And today I am gonna get it.
36
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:29,175
Woo, woo.
37
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:30,524
Oh.
38
00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,701
- Hey. The light's red.
- All right.
39
00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:36,486
The important thing
is picking the right moment...
40
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:37,661
I'm talking to you, you ginger
f--
41
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,880
...to ask Marv.
42
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:40,447
My main man Gabe.
43
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:43,363
May I present to you
the award-winning staff
44
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,799
of the Toledo Truth Teller?
45
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,757
Oscar, tell the man
what you won for.
46
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:50,326
Oh, Mr. Digit.
Maybe you're familiar?
47
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:52,154
We are having
some celebratory drinks
48
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,764
this afternoon
at the Macaroni Barn.
49
00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,375
Best ziti in that neighborhood.
50
00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,290
For floor nine
from a Marv Putnam.
51
00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:59,814
- Oh, my God,
Marv got us flowers.
Whoa.
52
00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:01,555
I haven't gotten flowers
since prom.
53
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:03,774
Shoot.
I should have thought of that.
54
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:06,734
What's...
What's better than flowers?
55
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:08,083
Edible arrangements?
Oh.
56
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:09,954
Balloons.
57
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,220
Hold it up, hold it up.
58
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,399
Ha!
59
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,271
♪ Had to have high, high hopes
For a living ♪
60
00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:25,056
♪ Shooting for the stars when
I couldn't make a killing ♪
61
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,363
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
62
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:30,279
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Good God, Ned, turn that off!
63
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,500
♪ Had to have high, high hopes
For a living ♪
64
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:36,155
- What's going on?
- Use your eyes, pal.
65
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,547
A man is dead.
66
00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:40,333
Siri, turn down.
67
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,249
Playing "Turn Down for
What" by DJ Snake and Lil Jon.
68
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,207
No. Turn it off, turn it off.
69
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:48,079
- Ned!
- Siri, I-- Siri! Turn off!
70
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,693
Who--? Who died?
71
00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:53,998
Bill Patterson is dead.
72
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,308
One of the Softees guys.
73
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:02,311
One of the human beings you've
been working with for months.
74
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,141
Bill!
75
00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:08,404
Oh, no! Why?
76
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:11,102
Oh, Bill!
77
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:13,845
Who turned off the music?
78
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:51,187
Mare [chuckling]:
Yeah, it was a magical weekend.
79
00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,102
Whoa, heh, magical?
80
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,539
Who am I, Minnie Mouse? Uh...
81
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,150
I just mean professionally.
82
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:03,111
I was excited for Sunday to end
and Monday to begin.
83
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,679
That's never happened before.
84
00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:08,551
But, um, sad for Bill.
85
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,336
Whenever they make a sale,
the Softees guys
86
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:12,729
ring this gong
right behind Adelola.
87
00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,470
Oh!
88
00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:17,256
Bill was one of the ones
that loved to surprise you.
89
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,953
Bill loved to ring that gong.
90
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,520
I will think of him every time
91
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,261
I hear a loud surprising noise.
92
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,481
We could focus on this
last weekend and who won awards,
93
00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:29,006
or who was tricked into drinking
more than she should have,
94
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:34,273
but I think that Marv wants us
to be focused on Bill.
95
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,450
- Do we know what happened?
- It sounds like it was a fire.
96
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,278
That's awful.
97
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,758
Poor Bill.
Bill, Bill, Bill.
98
00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:44,805
Bill-- Bill was the one
with the birthmark, right?
99
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:45,850
No.
100
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:52,378
He's dead? Our Bill gone?
101
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,684
No, no, no.
102
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:59,603
He's dead. Our Bill. Gone.
103
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,562
Yes, eccolo. Brava.
104
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,041
He's dead.
105
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,521
Our Bill.
106
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,306
Gone.
107
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,657
Marv, I just wanted to apologize
108
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,485
for the music
and dancing earlier.
109
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,225
- It's all right, buddy.
- I did not know. I didn't know.
110
00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:17,707
- You were in shock.
- Sweet Bill.
111
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:19,840
Where does the soul go,
I wonder?
112
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:23,060
I know the salary is
funneled back into the company
113
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:25,106
to be repurposed for the living,
114
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:28,501
who knows, maybe even some
to his beloved Truth Teller.
115
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:33,157
No, because that would be
spitting on his grave.
116
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:36,596
To be honest,
he had no respect for you, Ned.
117
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,033
- He thought you were all nerds.
- It's true.
118
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:40,469
You know, uh, Esmeralda,
119
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:44,386
I was unaware that you and Bill
were so close?
120
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,953
Yes, we were.
121
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:48,172
Esmeralda made out once
with Bill.
122
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:51,262
In his car
outside the Macaroni Barn.
123
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:54,178
I don't think she made
eye contact with him after that.
124
00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:57,094
Are you guys
able to continue today?
125
00:05:57,095 --> 00:05:59,532
Of course.
The Truth must be told.
126
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:02,622
Even if it's difficult
or expensive.
127
00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:06,103
Well, for me, I might
need paid leave.
128
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,018
Details can be discussed later.
129
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:12,153
But to be honest
I fear to be alone right now.
130
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:15,678
You know, look, I'm shaking.
131
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,332
- You're only human.
- I can't.
132
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:18,333
We're all in this together.
133
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:19,813
I can't.
Yeah.
134
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,380
You know, we should write up
something nice for Bill.
135
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,773
- I mean, he really was the best
of us.
- Mmm.
136
00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:25,253
You know what?
137
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:27,951
We can put it
on TTT Online immediately.
138
00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,911
Instead of their worst night,
headline,
139
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:35,176
"He really was the best of us,
from Marv Putnam."
140
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:38,092
The headline's gonna read,
"from Marv Putnam"?
141
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,876
The most important part, yeah.
142
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,835
The biggest part. Shut up.
143
00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:43,663
- That's great, Esmeralda.
- Yeah.
144
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,926
Maybe, Ned,
you can get your team together?
145
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,667
Write up something special.
146
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,582
You know,
something his family can frame.
147
00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:53,237
- For Bill.
- For Bill.
148
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,675
No, no, no.
149
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:56,676
That's-- It's--
150
00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,330
Thank you so much.
151
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,636
I really appreciate it.
152
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,333
- It's gonna be okay.
- It won't.
153
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,161
It's gonna be okay.
154
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:05,206
It's all right.
155
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,252
Ned, nice touch, bud.
156
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,778
Bill will be sorely missed.
157
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:15,303
There is a huge void
around here.
158
00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:17,610
If you could choose one person
to die on this floor,
159
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,438
it would not be Bill.
160
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,701
Purely in terms of earnings
and how much he'd be missed,
161
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,877
Alexander's gotta be
in the conversation.
162
00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,487
But God has chosen to take Bill.
163
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:28,621
And you can't argue with God.
Al might be next.
164
00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:31,015
So I've stepped up to
the plate, is what I've done.
165
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,930
In a sales capacity.
166
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,715
For Bill.
167
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:38,327
And he left some bloody
big shoes to fill.
168
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,880
Is Bill's death really
a front page event, Ned?
169
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:14,014
Yes. Fragility of life.
It's universal.
170
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:15,798
It's the tightrope
we're all walking.
171
00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,800
You could be murdered tonight.
172
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,149
- Wow.
- Mm-hm.
173
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,629
It's usually someone you know.
174
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,413
- Hey.
- How's it going team?
175
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,893
Well, one of the boys
176
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:26,505
at the toilet paper company
died today, Marvin.
177
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,550
That's right, Barry.
178
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:31,379
Uh, Mare, could you shrink
the part about the awards down?
179
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,599
- No boasting today.
- Sure thing.
180
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,689
- Oh.
- More.
181
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,038
- Oh.
- More.
182
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,518
Smaller. A little more.
183
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,650
Smaller.
184
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,783
- Oh...
- Yep, that'll do.
185
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,176
Now bring it down
to the bottom. Yep.
186
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,265
- Are we sure?
- It's tone-deaf.
187
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:51,530
Now, who's working on the life
and death of Bill today?
188
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,272
- Uh... Nicole. Nicole's on it.
- I want them all on it.
189
00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,057
Team, I want you to write
190
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:59,668
the best article
you've ever written.
191
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,931
Research the hell
out of our guy.
192
00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:04,325
I wanna send him to Valhalla
with our words.
193
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,327
- Everyone, come on! Let's do it.
- Bill!
194
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,808
- For Bill! For Bill!
- Yeah.
195
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,026
- Okay.
- Fart!
196
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:11,202
Where's Valhalla?
197
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:17,513
Hey, what's up?
198
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,779
I'm doing amazing.
199
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:24,825
Why?
200
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,871
So were you guys friends?
201
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,569
We were more like comrades.
202
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,571
We saw a lot of crazy shit
together.
203
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,530
- Selling toilet paper?
- Exactly.
204
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:38,707
- Did he have any hobbies?
- I think he liked to cook.
205
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,970
Every time I asked him
what he did over the weekend,
206
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:44,017
he was like "cooking"
or "I cooked"
207
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,149
or "I spent my time cooking."
208
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:49,065
It's kind of fitting
that he loved to cook,
209
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,458
and then he was cooked.
210
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:51,720
Yeah.
211
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:56,943
Was anyone else killed?
212
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,466
No. He was the only fatality.
213
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,337
The fire was limited
to that apartment.
214
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:03,427
Do you know if he like, warned
everybody else in the building?
215
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:06,474
Or I don't know, sacrificed
himself to save others?
216
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,171
- Anything heroic?
- No, no.
217
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,477
It looks like
he just panicked in there
218
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:10,783
and died like an animal.
219
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,436
You can see fingernail scratches
on the door.
220
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,396
Do you think he was in pain?
221
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:16,398
Yeah.
222
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,487
That guy sucked.
223
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,402
He showed his guns to my kids.
224
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,404
Well, maybe he was
a veteran, sir?
225
00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,580
Hey!
226
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:29,192
We keep our mouths shut
on this block.
227
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,368
Let me handle this.
Hey, what's up, OG.
228
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:33,980
- Look, we ain't trying to get
you to snitch.
- Move along, young brothers.
229
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:35,546
We're not the police.
I just wanna get--
230
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:37,374
I know you heard what I said.
231
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:38,767
- I think we should go.
- Yeah.
232
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,421
- Yeah, let's go.
- Sorry.
233
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,815
I'm about to ask Marv
for a $100,000,
234
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,643
and these are the best
quotes you could get?
235
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,688
You couldn't find anything
even remotely positive?
236
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,299
Ned, something
was really up with this guy.
237
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,040
Nah.
We did not get good vibes, man.
238
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,260
Well, what are we supposed
to write then?
239
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:57,656
That he showed guns to kids
and burned slowly in a fire?
240
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,875
Uh...
241
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:04,793
I didn't know how,
but now I know how.
242
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,012
Why, Ned?
243
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,841
- Insensitive.
- I-- I'm sorry.
244
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:12,671
So, what have we learned
about my Bill?
245
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,412
We've... We've learned a lot,
actually, Marv.
246
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,110
- It's gonna be great.
- Good.
247
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:18,589
Macaroni Barn's gonna be
248
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,548
a celebration of life
for Bill now.
249
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:23,377
What about our party,
for the Academy Award?
250
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:25,248
No, that's-that's a great idea.
251
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,859
It's very,
very appropriate, yes.
252
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,817
We need to turn
the Victory Vermouth
253
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,558
into Bill on the Rocks then.
254
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,083
I'll make sure
there's no Fireball in it.
255
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,738
She's really on it.
256
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,740
Is your piece
gonna be ready in time?
257
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:41,177
- Yes. Yes, of course.
- Okay, good.
258
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:44,267
I am going to read it
out loud today at the memorial.
259
00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,705
And Bill's sister and mother
are gonna be there.
260
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,184
Oh...
261
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:50,317
Great. Will do, sir.
262
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:54,625
It's gonna be the best summation
of a wonderful life ever.
263
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,453
Keep it up, guys.
264
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:57,499
Thank you.
265
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,544
Hey, uh, interesting Photoshop.
266
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,851
Oh.
267
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:06,682
- Yeah, huh?
- This weekend was pretty great, right?
268
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,292
Yeah, it was great.
269
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,120
I think everyone
had a good time.
270
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,732
Hey, could you gather everyone
in the conference room?
271
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,475
- We have to finish Bill's piece.
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
272
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,740
Okay, so everything
on this guy's
273
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,654
start paperwork
seems to be false.
274
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:26,396
His home phone number
starts with 5-5-5,
275
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:28,355
and he spelled Illinois wrong.
276
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:29,748
No, that's right.
277
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,098
But I'm not seeing
any school records.
278
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,795
At least not by the name
we knew him by.
279
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,623
I found this in his desk.
280
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:37,799
Do you think
he was in the army, Mare?
281
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,236
It's no U.S.
branch that I know of.
282
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,108
Wait, but you can see
his last name.
283
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,372
- Egorov.
- Egorov?
284
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,244
What military
has a skull as their insignia?
285
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:50,856
Okay,
I just found Bill
Egorov's SoundCloud.
286
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:54,381
He has one song called
"Morphine and Ice Cream."
287
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:56,775
I regret every moment
288
00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,387
that I let hate win in my life.
289
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:03,912
I was judging people just by
the color of their skin.
290
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:06,480
That's called being racist.
291
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:10,571
♪ And then I met
This beautiful girl ♪
292
00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:16,795
♪ She was a Peruvian and she
Changed my whole world ♪
293
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,449
Travis,
can you please turn it off?
294
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,712
Not everybody
should have a creative outlet.
295
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:25,194
Okay, the flag they're holding?
It's the Wagner Group.
296
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,066
- It's mercenaries.
- What?
297
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,850
Who the hell is this guy?
298
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,548
See?
299
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,681
Yeah. Hello?
300
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:36,858
Yes, we can be there
in 10 minutes. Great, thank you.
301
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,425
- Who was that?
- It's the morgue.
302
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,948
They have Bill's remains.
303
00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:41,602
They said we could
come ask some questions.
304
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:44,475
- Mare, let's go.
- Sure. Love the morgue.
305
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:46,781
Oh, and also Travis.
306
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:48,652
Travis, you come too, buddy.
307
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,045
We'll take your truck.
308
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,612
I don't drive a truck.
309
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,092
I find that kind of offensive.
310
00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:56,923
I drive a regular car,
it's small. Two doors.
311
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,317
The fire started at 1 a.m.
in his kitchen.
312
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:02,841
What was he cooking at 1 a.m.?
313
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,278
- A roast?
- For the homeless, maybe?
314
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,410
Show us the body, sir.
Let's see him.
315
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,412
Oh.
316
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:10,674
Bill.
317
00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:12,720
Which end is which?
318
00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:15,723
- My God, what's that long thing?
- Is that his penis?
319
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,464
Oh, no, his penis is long gone.
320
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:21,816
What we thought was Bill's penis
turned out to be his tailbone.
321
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,383
The penis
is actually quite fragile.
322
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:24,732
It's all sponge.
323
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,386
It's the first thing
to go up in a fire.
324
00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:30,564
And Bill's bladder was
unfortunately full of alcohol.
325
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:31,957
So in this case,
326
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,436
his penis was almost like
327
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,830
the wick to a Molotov cocktail.
328
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,701
I've actually seen
a couple of cases like this.
329
00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,790
Looks like he was working
with some type of accelerant.
330
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:42,228
Accelerant?
Well, he loved to cook.
331
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:44,230
Maybe he was trying
some sort of gourmet dish?
332
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,885
If you consider high-quality
meth a gourmet dish.
333
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,104
He was a [bleep] meth dealer?
334
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:51,411
- I mean...
- Goddamn it.
335
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,676
Oh, man.
336
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:04,468
Ken speaking.
337
00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:09,820
No, Bill has, um, stepped out
momentarily.
338
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,910
So you are in my safe hands now.
339
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,521
How can I help you?
340
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,131
Right.
341
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:20,222
And what sort of quantity
for the order would that be?
342
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,876
Twenty grams?
343
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:25,271
You have correctly identified me
344
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,491
as being a man
from a metric country.
345
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,974
Yeah, I've been going
through it the last few days.
346
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,542
Just been ruminating
on the shortness of life.
347
00:15:35,543 --> 00:15:37,457
But also, how long
it always feels
348
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:38,937
between breakfast and lunch.
349
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,373
From what I've deduced,
350
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,027
I think Detrick
developed a little hole
351
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,767
in his love life
over the weekend.
352
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:46,292
And that is a hole
that I'm looking to fill.
353
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:50,036
I'm about
to stuff myself all up in there.
Mm.
354
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,080
Um...
355
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,561
Platonically speaking,
of course.
356
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:57,172
Just with some
classic friendship.
357
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,305
Uh...
358
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,263
Could we do take two, actually?
Please?
359
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:05,093
- Pretty insane, huh?
- This shit is crazy, bro.
360
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,400
- Were you guys tight?
- No, not really.
361
00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:10,055
- It's hard to be tight with
people you intimidate.
- Mm.
362
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,709
Hey question for you,
after Macaroni Barn tonight,
363
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,669
do you want to go get
up with me?
364
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:17,497
- It's a Monday.
- Exactly.
365
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,586
It's Margarita Mondays
at O'Shays.
366
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:21,457
Which means affordable liquor
367
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:23,590
and at least five fine-as-hell
urgent care nurses
368
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,157
who just got
off shift next door.
369
00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:26,289
What do you think?
370
00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:29,596
- Let's do it. Yup.
- You down? Bro.
371
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,641
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Boys' night out?
372
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:35,385
- What's up?
- You got-- You got room for
another boy?
373
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,170
- Um...
- I mean, it was maybe--
374
00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:40,824
- We had planned--
- I can get the drinks.
375
00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:42,000
- Okay.
- Yeah?
376
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,697
- Yeah.
- Cool. -Ned:
377
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,220
- Yeah, raise the roof.
- Absolutely.
378
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:48,180
I didn't know Ned
liked margaritas that much.
379
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,226
Or the whole urgent care crowd.
380
00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:54,404
It's just interesting,
that's all.
381
00:16:56,624 --> 00:17:00,410
Right. So that is one 12-pack.
382
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,630
For the special price.
383
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:05,980
And how much is that again?
384
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:07,330
Bloody hell.
385
00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:11,551
That's how much Bill
was charging for a 12-pack?
386
00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:12,595
That's fantastic.
387
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:13,988
I knew Bill was all salesman,
388
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,511
but, uh, my goodness.
389
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,123
You can't teach that.
The up-charging on that.
390
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,733
Fantastic.
391
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,387
I'll say this,
I hope the angels
392
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,258
are watching their wallets
up there.
393
00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:26,131
Because Bill
was an absolute shark.
394
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,568
What are we gonna do?
We have to get this out by 6.
395
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,005
I know. I'm just-- This is...
396
00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:32,876
Oh, man. My head hurts.
397
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,053
I've got you, boss.
398
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:36,837
It's all right, Barry.
399
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:39,666
Oh.
400
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,059
- Relax.
- Oh, wow. It's--
401
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,845
- Relax.
- Oh, this feels amazing.
402
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,197
Okay. Ned.
403
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,198
Ned?
404
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,460
Are we going to be able
405
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,288
to put the awards
on the front page?
406
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,725
Not that it's the only thing
I care about.
407
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,771
I just told my mom already.
408
00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,642
At this point, absolutely not.
409
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:00,948
- Okay.
- Sorry.
410
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:03,994
Barry. I love you.
411
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:07,303
It's kind of like
the awards night never happened.
412
00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:09,522
It's kind of like
413
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,785
the awards night never happened.
414
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,400
Esmeralda, thank you
415
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,749
for enlarging
this beautiful photo.
416
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,577
And I showed Bill's mom
what you posted.
417
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:25,538
So nice to see Bill in
that light.
418
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,931
No one ever spoke about him
that way.
419
00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:30,544
I did. I did, mama.
420
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,937
So sorry for your loss.
421
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,202
I remember seeing Bill...
422
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,510
Ned's team runs
the Toledo Truth Teller.
423
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,512
They've worked up
a wonderful profile
424
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,862
on your Bill
that's gonna run tomorrow.
425
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:49,301
- Oh.
- I thought I'd have Ned read it,
if that's okay with you?
426
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:54,784
Maybe after Ned,
I could read my piece.
427
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,134
To headline.
428
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,657
And for closure.
429
00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:58,962
Whatever you need.
430
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:00,007
Thank you.
431
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:02,227
Marv, could I have a moment?
432
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,011
- Sure.
- Nice to meet you.
433
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:07,362
Jesus on a merry-go-round!
The Wagner Group?
434
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:08,711
The headline on TTT
435
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:11,714
has me saying
he's the best guy I know.
436
00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:14,500
- I can't believe this.
- Yeah, it's bad.
437
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,850
Hey, could the paper
have a hundred thousand dollars
438
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,288
- for overtime and new laptops?
- What?
439
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,681
No.
440
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,378
Ned, is this true?
441
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:27,077
Yes, yes. Unfortunately, yes.
442
00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,167
Well, I don't know what to say.
443
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,170
I guess
I really can't pick them.
444
00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,520
So I-- I shouldn't read it?
445
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,958
Ned, what's the name
of our paper?
446
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:39,525
All right.
447
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,571
Bill was a complicated man.
448
00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:46,227
He kept to himself,
he sold toilet paper.
449
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:48,055
He loved to wear
the Enervate "E"
450
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,926
at our company
Christmas can drive
451
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,537
where he delighted
many children,
452
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,845
although he probably delighted
more teenagers...
453
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:59,109
because he also made
and distributed methamphetamine.
454
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,110
- What?
- -Ned:
455
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,329
What else?
456
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:04,027
He had 47 confirmed kills
as a mercenary.
457
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:06,856
I just verified that
with an old--
458
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:08,684
I wanna say army buddy of his.
459
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:09,946
Mm-hm.
460
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:12,079
He was a world traveler.
461
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:18,041
He traveled everywhere,
the Congo, Syria, Darfur.
462
00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:21,567
That's our Bill.
Total piece of shit.
463
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:24,309
- Remember when he robbed...
- Hey, Esmeralda,
464
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,659
I think you said you wanted
to speak last, right?
465
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:29,052
- Yeah.
But I might be good, actually.
- Everybody!
466
00:20:29,053 --> 00:20:32,447
Everybody, Bill's girlfriend,
Esmeralda.
467
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:33,883
You know her here.
468
00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:36,930
She'd like to say
a few words about her boo.
469
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,627
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
470
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,412
Give it up for Esmeralda Grand, everybody.
471
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,201
Allora, uh...
472
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:49,725
Yes, we are all here
to remember Bill, sure.
473
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,553
But let's not forget
474
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:55,340
the original purpose
of this celebration.
475
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:59,822
The many awards
for the Toledo Truth Teller!
476
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,781
Three awards!
477
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:04,000
Let's have a round of applause.
478
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:08,440
I really appreciate
all the hard work today, guys.
479
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,093
- Sure.
- It's good.
480
00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:13,227
Mare, what did we end up
going with for the front page?
481
00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:15,316
There it is.
482
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:17,666
Ooh. Well, better than nothing.
483
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,451
- I guess.
- All right, 6 p.m.
484
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,279
Good work today.
485
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,238
Thank you very much.
I'll send that to the printers.
486
00:21:24,239 --> 00:21:25,457
Sweet.
487
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,024
I'll see you tomorrow?
488
00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:29,199
Yeah.
489
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,071
- See you tomorrow, everybody!
- Good night, Ned.
490
00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:32,291
- Night.
- Good night.
491
00:21:48,872 --> 00:21:50,047
Whoa.
492
00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:05,584
What the [bleep]?
493
00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:07,890
I can't believe
we got away with it all day.
494
00:22:07,891 --> 00:22:09,588
We totally--
We totally fooled them.
495
00:22:09,589 --> 00:22:12,678
- Yeah, you fooled everybody.
- You were so amazing.
496
00:22:12,679 --> 00:22:14,854
At one point I thought
you were really scowling at me.
497
00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:16,986
Well, yeah, you've barely
looked at me all day.
498
00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:18,814
I know, I know.
It was such a long day.
499
00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:20,861
But at least now we know
we can do it, right?
500
00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,733
And at 6:01...
501
00:22:25,169 --> 00:22:26,909
- off the clock.
- Okay. Okay.
502
00:22:26,910 --> 00:22:30,391
But, um, just because
we have to keep this a secret,
503
00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:32,655
doesn't mean you need
to keep it a secret from me.
504
00:22:34,483 --> 00:22:36,745
- You didn't know?
- No.
505
00:22:36,746 --> 00:22:38,443
I thought you knew. I'm sorry.
506
00:22:38,444 --> 00:22:40,880
You are a psychopath.
507
00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:42,316
But I get it.
508
00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:44,100
Okay, what are you
doing tonight?
509
00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:45,406
Oh, you know what?
510
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:48,148
I'm chasing tail
with the fellas.
511
00:22:48,149 --> 00:22:51,020
Just to provide cover for us,
so...
512
00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:53,458
- Thank you?
- You're welcome.
513
00:22:53,459 --> 00:22:55,155
Tomorrow night?
514
00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:58,985
- No, I'm interviewing the
lottery lady.
- All right.
515
00:22:58,986 --> 00:23:01,640
Okay. Well,
we can do the weekend maybe.
516
00:23:01,641 --> 00:23:03,381
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
517
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,295
- I'll take you somewhere.
- Okay.
518
00:23:05,296 --> 00:23:06,688
Yeah?
519
00:23:06,689 --> 00:23:08,081
Please, um...
520
00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:09,952
Forgive me for what
you're about to hear.
521
00:23:09,953 --> 00:23:10,998
Okay.
522
00:23:13,174 --> 00:23:14,957
Where are my MILF hunters at?
523
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:16,829
Uh-oh.
524
00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:18,613
Whoo!
525
00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:20,789
Hey! You ready to get laid?
526
00:23:20,790 --> 00:23:22,443
We're gonna put it
in some nurses?
527
00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:23,966
I'm gonna have to call you
on that.
528
00:23:23,967 --> 00:23:25,881
- Those nurses are heroes, okay?
- Absolutely.
529
00:23:25,882 --> 00:23:27,100
- Be careful.
- I agree.
530
00:23:27,101 --> 00:23:28,971
I support all our heroes
531
00:23:28,972 --> 00:23:30,451
in and out of uniform.
532
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:31,844
Who wants to bang a coward?
533
00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:35,325
- Three guys out on the town?
- I know.
534
00:23:35,326 --> 00:23:39,155
- When was the last time you guys
were in love?
Mm.
535
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,035
Oh, showtime.
536
00:23:49,036 --> 00:23:50,428
Come on, Ken.
537
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,822
One 12-pack of toilet roll
for you.
538
00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:56,216
And I wouldn't mind seeing
the $10,000, if you please.
539
00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:57,913
- Pure.
- Pure, yep.
540
00:23:57,914 --> 00:24:00,699
Pretty good. Two-ply, the best.
541
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:04,094
- It's uncut?
- Well, it's perforated,
which is useful.
542
00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:09,316
But it's, uh, meth, right?
543
00:24:09,317 --> 00:24:11,013
Meth...
544
00:24:11,014 --> 00:24:12,624
amphetamine?
545
00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:14,843
Yeah, cheerio then. Off we go.
546
00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:16,454
Let's get you home, Ken.
39669
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