subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for My Family, Series 2, 11 The Last Supper 720p WEB-DL HEVC x265 BONE

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,180 --> 00:00:20,740 Have you done something with your hair? 2 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:24,460 I'm happy one of us is enjoying my humiliation! 3 00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:27,500 I'm happy if you're happy. I'm not! 4 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,180 Making us wear these costumes! 5 00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:35,060 It's not so bad. Yesterday, I was a beefeater! Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away! 6 00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:37,420 I'm being serious, Ben! 7 00:00:37,420 --> 00:00:42,180 Ever since that American company took over, it's been miserable! Oh... 8 00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:46,500 I'm cramming in more tours, hawking souvenirs, working longer hours! 9 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:49,300 Working eight days a week...! 10 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:52,060 It's not fair. 11 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:55,660 Don't do that again. No, I'll let it... 12 00:00:56,660 --> 00:00:58,220 ..drop. 13 00:00:58,220 --> 00:00:59,500 Thank you. 14 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:04,420 I'm late. I've got to meet a group of Germans in Abbey Rd in 20 minutes. 15 00:01:04,420 --> 00:01:06,020 Hang on. 16 00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:09,620 Morning. 17 00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:18,940 I'm having the weirdest dream. Dad's kissing a Beatle. 18 00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:23,700 Can you just say good morning like a normal person? I think it's Ringo. 19 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:30,180 Obviously not. I'll go back to bed and wake up. Earth to idiot! You're not dreaming. Right... 20 00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,700 If I was awake, could I do this? 21 00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:37,740 I'm awake, aren't I? 22 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:48,820 Do you have to watch TV in here? Am I bothering you? 23 00:01:48,820 --> 00:01:52,100 Yes. Then, that answers your question. 24 00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:05,140 I'll give it an 8.5. More like a 3. 25 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:08,260 3? Perfect form, flawless extension. 26 00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:11,060 5-point deduction. Mum saw you. 27 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:17,580 Warming up for the arse-kicking finals? That's what you'll get! 28 00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:21,540 My boss is coming for dinner, so I want some cleaning up around here. 29 00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:26,540 It looks OK. Which is why you wear glasses! This place is a mess. 30 00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:29,420 It looks lived in. By goats. 31 00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:31,860 That was just the one weekend. 32 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:35,180 You heard her. Michael, start cleaning. 33 00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:39,380 She said all of us. Don't forget to vacuum. 34 00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:41,980 Hi, Mikey! I hate this house! 35 00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:44,980 Good talking to you too, son! 36 00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:49,500 Good, you're home. For me?! I didn't know you cared! 37 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:54,100 Clean the guest toilet. We only clean the guest toilet when there's a gu... 38 00:02:54,100 --> 00:03:00,980 We've got a guest. Scott phoned from the airport. I invited him for dinner. Does it have to be tonight? 39 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:05,620 Couldn't Scott come another... Who's Scott? Scott Tailor, my new boss. 40 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:08,340 I know him as "that cretinous toad". 41 00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:12,620 He wants to eat in a typical English home with typical English food. 42 00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:14,780 Why's he coming here, then? 43 00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:20,220 I'd love to engage in witty repartee, but I don't have the time and you don't have the wit! 44 00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:24,460 Has it occurred to you I may have plans that I can't cancel? 45 00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:29,420 Which are? Watching the footie... and cleaning the guest toilet. 46 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:32,500 < Nick! 47 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:36,260 Love to help, Mum, but I've got this fake limp. 48 00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:38,740 Fake limp? 49 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:41,460 I'm a bad liar. Why waste time? 50 00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:44,780 Get £20 from my purse. Take Janey and Michael out for dinner. 51 00:03:44,780 --> 00:03:47,300 Do you think 20 will do it? 52 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,980 All right - 30. 53 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,660 What about about my fake disability? 54 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:54,900 40! 50 if you leave now. 55 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:59,620 Another week's work done! 56 00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:06,900 Who's winning? Winning? What? 57 00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:09,820 The game? My god! It's on! 58 00:04:09,820 --> 00:04:15,300 Oh, dear! Must've accidentally turned it on when I was dusting... 59 00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:17,620 I don't know why I'm so nervous. 60 00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:20,100 I just want everything to be perfect. 61 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:26,180 How do I look? You look great! You look so great! 62 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:30,180 Dinner's going to be great, everything's going to be great, 63 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:33,660 and if Scott doesn't realise that, he's a bigger fool than you say. 64 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:37,460 How lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband! 65 00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:40,780 SHE PUTS TV OFF 66 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:44,300 You can't throw us out! Where are we supposed to eat for £20? 67 00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:47,980 I gave Nick £50. What? 68 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,820 - Don't take Michael to a pub! - I know better than to do that! 69 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:56,940 Last time, you tried to pass him off as a midget! That's why I know better. 70 00:04:56,940 --> 00:05:03,820 Just go! Have a lovely time. I love you. Don't come back before 10.00. Do as your mother says. 71 00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:06,740 Let's go! Everybody out! 72 00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:17,740 Ben, this evening is very important to me. 73 00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:23,740 You could try to put on a happy face. Remember who you're talking to. This IS my happy face. 74 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:27,300 Do this for me and tonight... 75 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:29,700 I'll do the thing. 76 00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,780 Which thing? 77 00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:36,540 The THING...or the "thing"? 78 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,540 Both. 79 00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:41,180 You're bluffing. 80 00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:43,900 Can you afford to take that chance? 81 00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:49,660 That's better. 82 00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:52,340 DOORBELL 83 00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:55,820 Remember - he's cheap, priggish and ruining company morale. 84 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:58,060 So be nice to him! Happy face! 85 00:05:58,060 --> 00:05:59,540 Happy face! 86 00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:02,460 Scott! Welcome to London! 87 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:06,300 Susan, thank you so much for inviting me to dinner. 88 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,780 I brought a little something. 89 00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:12,900 Oh, tiny little airline soaps! These will come in handy! 90 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,420 Yes, when we move to Lilliput! 91 00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:18,340 This is my husband Ben. 92 00:06:18,340 --> 00:06:20,340 Ben - Scott Tailor. 93 00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:24,980 Heard a lot about you! All good, I hope. Well, I enjoyed them! 94 00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:27,180 TOOT! 95 00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:31,300 That'll be my taxi. Listen, I never got round to changing my money... 96 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,820 Could you take care of it for me? 97 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:37,820 Of course! Ben will look after it, won't you, Ben? (Happy face!) 98 00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:44,100 While you're at it, could you bring in my bags? Yes. Thanks, old chap. 99 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,580 Not at all, guvnor! Plinky, plonky, blimey, guvnor! 100 00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,660 What a great house! 101 00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:54,900 I just love English decor! 102 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:57,140 Thank you. I did it myself. 103 00:06:57,140 --> 00:07:03,260 Nothing matches with anything - it's so garish and simple at the same time. 104 00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:05,740 You should feel right at home(!) 105 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,820 So, Scott, how was your flight? Cheap. 106 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:15,140 I traded my first-class ticket in on one in economy and made $2,300... 107 00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:16,900 Ching! Ching! 108 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:22,860 Imagine if you flew cargo! If they threw in Bonus Miles, I would! 109 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:25,780 Excuse me! That cab was £50! 110 00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:28,700 50?! Boy, you got ripped off! 111 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:31,460 (Happy face!) 112 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:39,220 Shall I open a bottle of wine? I think I'll need something stronger! 113 00:07:39,220 --> 00:07:43,460 I mean for our guest! Yeah... That'll do fine. 114 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:48,380 I think you'll like this one, sir. 115 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,940 It's the Chateau Margaux. 116 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:55,500 Please...I brought the wine. Ah, really? 117 00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:02,740 You can never go wrong with British Air cabernet! No, no! 118 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:07,580 Susan, bring some smaller glasses and a tiny corkscrew. 119 00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:11,780 Don't be silly! Why, they twist right off! Oh, I see! 120 00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:14,820 Mark of a fine wine. Allow me, sir. 121 00:08:21,740 --> 00:08:24,220 Here we are. 122 00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:27,620 My famous shepherd's pie. I could eat a horse! 123 00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:29,900 Well, this is your lucky day! 124 00:08:36,260 --> 00:08:40,060 Mmm! That is delicious! 125 00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:43,580 Really(?) Some people appreciate fine cuisine, Ben! 126 00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:47,180 I haven't had a meal this tasty since a chicken supreme on easyJet! 127 00:08:50,740 --> 00:08:53,420 Remember, Susan, happy face! 128 00:08:55,060 --> 00:08:59,740 So, Scott, I was hoping we could discuss the company's direction. 129 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,900 I have a few suggestions. 130 00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:04,700 I love hearing fresh ideas! 131 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:11,260 Note to myself. Susan may have some interesting ideas for the company. 132 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:16,500 Well, I was thinking we should consider getting rid of the costumes. 133 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:23,220 While they are novel, I feel they distract tourists from the things they should be experiencing. 134 00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:25,860 Interesting. Hold that thought. 135 00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:29,180 Note to myself. Cancel that last note. 136 00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:31,780 Ben, dear, where's the coffee? 137 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,220 Coming up. Won't be a minute. 138 00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:39,780 Take your International London Tour, for instance. 139 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,980 What about it? Look at the itinerary. 140 00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:45,980 The Gap store, lunch at McDonald's, Niketown, 141 00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:48,220 followed up by Planet Hollywood. 142 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,460 They don't even know they're in London! 143 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:55,060 That's why you're dressed as a beefeater! 144 00:09:55,060 --> 00:10:00,940 History isn't just stupid costumes! Sue, history is old news! 145 00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:04,060 Note to self. This man is an idiot. 146 00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:07,420 Sue, it's a fact. We've done the studies. 147 00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:14,020 People don't come to England for the history. People come to England to see where Diana died. 148 00:10:14,020 --> 00:10:15,500 That was Paris. 149 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:20,500 You see? That's that British can't-do attitude I'm talking about! 150 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:24,060 As opposed to the American will-do-anything-for-a-buck attitude? 151 00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:26,340 Do I have to remind you who I am? 152 00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:28,460 No, I have an attention span(!) 153 00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:33,260 What does that mean? Perhaps I should put on my sarcastic outfit! 154 00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:34,380 I...I... 155 00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,420 What sort of argument is that? 156 00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:38,820 You... Don't turn it on me! 157 00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:45,380 Coffee? To make you feel at home, yours has been stewed, reheated and served in a plastic cup. 158 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,860 No coffee for me. 159 00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:51,100 I feel sick! 160 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:56,140 Your wife has triggered my acid reflux. Isn't she marvellous? 161 00:10:56,140 --> 00:10:58,180 I've got to lie down. 162 00:10:58,180 --> 00:11:00,100 About those ridiculous costumes... 163 00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:04,380 Doesn't she ever stop? Only to reload. 164 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:10,380 I was...this close! What - to losing your job? 165 00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:14,780 To winning him over. I've got him on the ropes. Got him in our bed! 166 00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:19,540 With acid reflux - whatever that is! There is a bright side to all this! 167 00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:26,540 He's wearing my bathrobe, using my toothbrush, sleeping on my pillow! That is the fires of hell! 168 00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:31,460 Meanwhile, the longer he stays here, the more time I have to convince him 169 00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:35,420 that his outlook is misguided and his attitude is simply wrong. 170 00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:38,380 He's your boss, not your husband. 171 00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:42,860 I know what'll cheer you up. 172 00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:44,500 What? 173 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,700 The thing that you promised? 174 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,420 No, the sofa's too small. Oh, OK. 175 00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:55,900 Let's pretend that we're camping, you and I, alone with nature. 176 00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:01,100 Look, Ben! Look... 177 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:04,740 all the stars are out. Isn't it romantic? 178 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,340 Yeah! 179 00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:10,020 Look! You can see a crack in the ceiling... 180 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:14,180 made by the weight of a man sleeping in my bed! 181 00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:18,940 No point in cheering you up! I was about to sing a campfire song! 182 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:22,660 Don't sing me a campfire song...! # Ging-gang gooly... # 183 00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:27,740 Stop it, Susan! Stop singing and I'll stop complaining! Make me stop! 184 00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:31,500 # Hey la, hey la shela 185 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,340 # Hey la shela 186 00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:34,860 # Hey la... # 187 00:12:34,860 --> 00:12:36,940 BOTH: Ooh! 188 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:39,780 # Shally wally, shally wally 189 00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:42,980 # Oompah, oompah, oompah... # 190 00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:47,260 DOOR CLOSES 191 00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:58,260 Ben, a little to the right. What? 192 00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:00,660 She said to the right. 193 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:05,260 What the hell are you doing here? 194 00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:07,140 Watching telly. You? 195 00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:13,820 Nick, your mother's boss is upstairs in our bed. 196 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:17,020 Is that in her job description? 197 00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:19,540 I'm here, you idiot! 198 00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:22,820 Scott didn't feel well, so he stayed the night. 199 00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,940 What do you want to watch? 200 00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:28,180 Shouldn't you, like, be somewhere else? 201 00:13:28,180 --> 00:13:30,820 I'm not sleeping with him! 202 00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:33,780 Nick, we're trying to... 203 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:36,100 sleep. Yeah, that's right. 204 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:39,260 It's OK. You won't bother me. Out! 205 00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:41,860 OK. I can take a hint. 206 00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:45,820 You want me to leave? 207 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:56,180 Has he left or has he booked in for another night? 208 00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:58,860 Why don't you go and wake him? 209 00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:02,420 Me? Well, if I go, he might not be dressed. 210 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:09,340 Janey, go and wake your mother's boss. Ben! Why am I always the one to wake the fat, naked man? 211 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:19,220 KNOCKING 212 00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:21,900 Scott? Are you decent? 213 00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,580 If that's at all possible? 214 00:14:24,580 --> 00:14:26,740 Oh, Scott... 215 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:29,140 Scott, can you hear me? 216 00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:33,900 You crude, loud, beached narwhal! 217 00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:43,540 Oh, I see! What's this, then, huh? 218 00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:47,860 Didn't exchange our money?! 219 00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:50,180 Thanks, old chap(!) 220 00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:53,220 Scott? 221 00:14:57,060 --> 00:15:01,380 How'd you get home? Like you care? I don't. I'm just curious. 222 00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:06,740 Susan! Susan! I'm cooking! How does he want his bacon? 223 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,180 I don't think it matters. 224 00:15:09,180 --> 00:15:12,460 Looks like he's seen a ghost! 225 00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,460 Oh, God! He was naked! 226 00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:20,740 Susan...Scott has, er...moved on. 227 00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:25,540 He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye! He might. 228 00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:31,380 Why send a boy to do a man's job? Michael, go and wake him. No! I don't want anyone up there. 229 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:34,140 What's going on? He's, er... 230 00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:36,420 he's...he's... 231 00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:37,660 he's... 232 00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:39,940 Superman? He's... 233 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,940 For God's sake! He's dead! What? 234 00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:45,580 - Scratch Superman! - Oh, my God! 235 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:51,780 I didn't want to say in front of the kids. A dead body?! That's so awful and sad... 236 00:15:51,780 --> 00:15:55,140 Where are you going? To tell my friends! 237 00:15:56,860 --> 00:15:58,820 Can I have his bacon? 238 00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:06,180 I know what he's writing. 239 00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:08,500 "She did it". What? 240 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,380 What on earth are you talking about? 241 00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:16,500 If I hadn't argued with him, he'd still be alive. I feel so guilty. 242 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:22,380 You argue with me all the time and don't feel guilty. You're not dead...yet! 243 00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:26,140 Susan, you didn't do anything. But I had a motive. 244 00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:29,740 Anyone who ever met Scott had a motive! 245 00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:33,140 The key to this is to act rationally. 246 00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:35,980 Right, rational. Rational... 247 00:16:37,060 --> 00:16:39,620 I'm going to confess! Susan... 248 00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:43,060 let's go over the key part again. Yes, you're right. 249 00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:45,100 We've just about finished. 250 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,740 I did it! 251 00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:52,900 My wife has a psychological disorder. She won't listen. 252 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:57,740 We had a disagreement and then...I killed him. See? 253 00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:59,860 What did you kill him with? 254 00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:02,820 My argument. A blunt instrument. 255 00:17:02,820 --> 00:17:08,780 Relax, Mum. I'll handle this. I've advised my client not to talk without her lawyer present. 256 00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,620 Who are you? 257 00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:16,700 So she can talk now? 258 00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:20,060 He's my son. 259 00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:24,660 Nick, go away. I'd give you my card, but I don't have one. 260 00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:31,940 Michael gets all the attention, Nick's an idiot, Mum and Dad never listen... 261 00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:35,380 Why are you telling me all this? You asked for a statement. 262 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:45,180 Who's the fit bird? Don't be stupid! She's a police officer! 263 00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:48,340 Me want! As if you have a chance! 264 00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:50,420 You're on. 265 00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:57,860 Mum...one dead guy and you've gone Goth! 266 00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:02,860 Does everything, no matter how awful, come down to fashion? Well, yeah! 267 00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:16,940 Michael, I thought your mother told you to stay downstairs. 268 00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:22,580 But the body's upstairs. My preliminary investigation indicates cardiopulmonary attack. 269 00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:25,380 Death was between 2.25 and 3.45. 270 00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:29,540 Let the officers do their job. Actually, he's spot-on! 271 00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,380 FOOTBALL ON TV 272 00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:36,140 Her name's Stephanie. You got her number? What did you say to her? 273 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:40,540 Told her I'd a bomb in my trousers. That's pathetic! 274 00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:45,220 Yeah, but it worked. Our first date and she felt me up! 275 00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:51,020 Susan, you didn't do anything. 276 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:54,340 He had a heart attack. Which I gave him. 277 00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:58,940 If you could argue someone to death, I'd have snuffed it years ago. 278 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,700 Come on! How tragic... 279 00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:05,980 that he went to his grave still believing he was right. 280 00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:08,220 Poor Scott! 281 00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:10,220 Poor Scott?! 282 00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:14,620 What about poor me? I found him! I'm going through the trauma. 283 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,100 If this is a competition, Scott won. 284 00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:24,060 He's just getting some rest. You don't think he'd...come back, do you? 285 00:19:24,060 --> 00:19:26,820 So you can argue some more? 286 00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:34,140 He had unfinished business. No, you have. Scott's fine. He's in heaven, dressing the angels as beefeaters. 287 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:38,340 Don't joke! I get this strange feeling... 288 00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:42,700 There's someone else here. Yes - me! And I want to go to bed. 289 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:48,140 Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi! 290 00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:53,260 That's my side. I'm not going in my side. That's where Scott... 291 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:57,060 No, when I found him, he was on my side. 292 00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,500 You're lying. 293 00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:03,180 I'm not. 294 00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:05,820 OK. 295 00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:09,340 You can sleep on that side. Hop in, Ben. 296 00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:14,020 Yeah, OK. 297 00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:22,460 Don't be silly! Just get into bed. 298 00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:25,980 So, being afraid of ghosts is the height of rationality, 299 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:32,180 but being slightly squeamish about sleeping on the death side is silly? We're both overwrought. 300 00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:38,580 It's been a long day. Let's just calm down and behave like two rational adults. Right. 301 00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:40,900 It's stupid, yeah. 302 00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:47,540 I'm going to sleep on the couch. OK? 303 00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:52,180 I'll just leave you two alone. 304 00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:59,660 Woooo! No, Ben! 305 00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:06,740 ORGAN PLAYS 306 00:21:18,220 --> 00:21:20,540 It's so small in here. 307 00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:27,860 You would think if you were confessing your sins, they'd make it a bit more comfortable. 308 00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:34,500 Welcome. Oh! Hello. 309 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,020 How are you? 310 00:21:37,020 --> 00:21:40,140 I'm fine. When was your last confession? 311 00:21:40,140 --> 00:21:43,660 I'm a little new to this. Forgive me. 312 00:21:43,660 --> 00:21:46,100 All right. Well, that was easy. 313 00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:52,780 Shall we just get right to the confessions? Right, right... 314 00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:56,300 To be honest, I'm not sure how this works. 315 00:21:56,300 --> 00:22:00,540 I've seen films... You tell me your sins. I give you a penance. 316 00:22:00,540 --> 00:22:06,020 Have you taken the Lord's name in vain or had impure thoughts? 317 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:09,540 Of course, but that's not why I'm here. 318 00:22:09,540 --> 00:22:11,180 I... 319 00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:14,820 I killed a man. Really?! 320 00:22:15,820 --> 00:22:19,020 That is a sin, right? Yes! 321 00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:21,980 One of the biggies! 322 00:22:21,980 --> 00:22:24,820 I didn't mean it. Of course not. 323 00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,420 My boss and I were having this... 324 00:22:27,420 --> 00:22:32,940 healthy debate about his new company policies... Yes? All of them idiotic! 325 00:22:32,940 --> 00:22:36,300 Anyway, things got out of hand... Ooh! 326 00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:38,660 We had an argument and... And? 327 00:22:38,660 --> 00:22:41,220 He had a heart attack. 328 00:22:41,220 --> 00:22:45,020 That's it? Isn't that enough? 329 00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:50,780 So you didn't really kill anyone? Yes, I did - the full force of my argument was too much for him. 330 00:22:50,780 --> 00:22:56,980 You can't argue someone to death. Yes, you can. No, you can't. That's your opinion. Yes, it is. 331 00:22:56,980 --> 00:23:01,140 You're wrong. In God's eyes, you're not guilty. 332 00:23:01,140 --> 00:23:03,580 What does he know? 333 00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:08,580 If I hadn't mentioned the costumes, if we'd talked about the weather, 334 00:23:08,580 --> 00:23:13,980 his heart wouldn't have given out. Surely you can see I'm right? 335 00:23:15,740 --> 00:23:17,580 Father? 336 00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:24,100 Oh, my God! I just can't stop killing! 337 00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:25,460 Father! 338 00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:28,780 Have you tried the Methodists? 339 00:23:33,140 --> 00:23:36,620 Janey...a little help. 340 00:23:36,620 --> 00:23:43,220 I don't see why you get a new bed and I don't. Next time someone dies in your bed, you'll get a new one! 341 00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:45,620 I want to get this mattress down. 342 00:23:45,620 --> 00:23:49,500 What's the magic word? I haven't got time for this! 343 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:54,860 I want to get rid of this one. Magic word! Please. 344 00:23:54,860 --> 00:23:59,180 That's not it. Try again. There's about to be someone else dead here! 345 00:23:59,180 --> 00:24:04,620 The magic word is money! Yeah, right! Mikey, give us a hand. 346 00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:08,180 She's got a point. We can't work without compensation. 347 00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:12,180 Very funny. After three. Ready? This isn't a sweatshop. One... 348 00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:15,860 Child labour laws. I'm your father, not your boss! 349 00:24:15,860 --> 00:24:22,060 That's just semantics. If you don't help now, I'm going to ground you for a month! 350 00:24:22,060 --> 00:24:25,980 The last thing you want is us hanging around you for a month! 351 00:24:25,980 --> 00:24:28,540 Yeah! Right! 352 00:24:28,540 --> 00:24:30,420 Just try me! 353 00:24:33,260 --> 00:24:35,220 Fine. OK, £5 each. 354 00:24:37,220 --> 00:24:40,140 Careful, Janey. I've got it. 355 00:24:40,140 --> 00:24:43,500 We're almost there. I've got it. Just go. 356 00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:46,420 Steady...steady... Oh, my God! 357 00:24:46,420 --> 00:24:48,780 What? I broke a nail! 358 00:24:52,460 --> 00:24:54,780 I spent an hour doing these. 359 00:24:57,260 --> 00:25:01,380 Don't worry about me - I'm fine...Janey... 360 00:25:01,380 --> 00:25:03,100 Janey! 361 00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:06,500 You OK? Yeah. Hi, Mikey. 362 00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:10,340 Fancy giving your old dad a little hand? Sure. 363 00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:20,220 Seems like a good time to renegotiate terms... Michael...! 364 00:25:20,220 --> 00:25:26,100 I'll give you a few minutes to consider my offer... Mi... Michael! 365 00:25:31,460 --> 00:25:35,900 I don't know 366 00:25:31,460 --> 00:25:35,900 A million reasons! 367 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:40,460 No... There's something in your eyes that says... 368 00:25:40,460 --> 00:25:42,100 Amore? 369 00:25:42,100 --> 00:25:43,940 Danger. 370 00:25:43,940 --> 00:25:48,940 I get that a lot. 371 00:25:48,940 --> 00:25:52,540 I've always liked danger too. That's why I got into... 372 00:25:52,540 --> 00:25:54,820 whatever it is I'm going to get into. 373 00:25:54,820 --> 00:25:59,380 Can I ask you something? 374 00:25:59,380 --> 00:26:02,780 Why has your mum got this urge to confess? 375 00:26:02,780 --> 00:26:07,260 Mum thinks she talked him to death. Janey thinks it was the food. 376 00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:09,780 I think you're not wearing a bra. 377 00:26:11,660 --> 00:26:15,500 I thought I'd feel better after confession, but I don't. 378 00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:22,260 Maybe that's because you've nothing to confess. I'd argue that point, but I don't want to kill you. 379 00:26:22,260 --> 00:26:26,140 Susan, you want me to be supportive and I am. 380 00:26:26,140 --> 00:26:31,500 So, here goes. You are a very small person in a very big universe 381 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:38,860 and in your wonderful, but insignificant life, things happen, whatever you say, wish or do. 382 00:26:38,860 --> 00:26:43,100 When does the support part begin? That was it. 383 00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:46,620 I may be be a very small person, but I have very big ideas. 384 00:26:46,620 --> 00:26:49,100 And a mouth to match! 385 00:26:50,740 --> 00:26:54,340 That was said with great love! Really? Really. 386 00:26:58,540 --> 00:27:01,860 So, nothing I do matters? 387 00:27:03,420 --> 00:27:06,260 Well, there is one thing... 388 00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:18,220 I was right! Course you were! You're not saying that to agree with me? 389 00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:21,220 No, I'm saying it to get my leg over! 390 00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:26,140 No, wait! What now? 391 00:27:26,140 --> 00:27:30,020 I just felt something. I should bloody well hope so! 392 00:27:30,020 --> 00:27:31,820 Not that! 393 00:27:32,820 --> 00:27:35,940 Something...something otherwordly... 394 00:27:35,940 --> 00:27:38,060 Well, if... 395 00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:42,380 I do my best. 396 00:27:42,380 --> 00:27:45,780 No, something else. What? Oh, God, not him again! 397 00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:49,740 It's as if he was still here... Yeah, yeah! Whatever... 398 00:27:49,740 --> 00:27:53,140 No, it's no good! I can't do this with someone watching! 399 00:27:53,140 --> 00:27:55,780 I can! You'll have to do it alone! 400 00:27:55,780 --> 00:27:57,940 All right! OK! 401 00:27:57,940 --> 00:28:00,300 I've got a solution to this. 402 00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:03,260 Exorcism. No... 403 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:08,500 I still feel someone's watching. 404 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:11,300 Hello, Mum. Hello, Dad. 405 00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:12,900 Have you seen the tool box? 406 00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:16,180 MUFFLED: In the tool shed. Tool shed! 407 00:28:16,180 --> 00:28:17,780 Cheers. 32676