Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:07,660
Good morning.
You're HALF right. It IS morning.
This is delicious.
2
00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:12,420
What's for breakfast, darling?
Tuscan omelette, honey-bunch!
3
00:00:12,420 --> 00:00:18,140
Someone hide your medication?
I'm practising for a chef job.
4
00:00:18,140 --> 00:00:21,300
You obviously didn't get
Mum's cooking gene!
5
00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:27,780
Want me to make you one?
I've survived your mother's cooking,
I'm not risking it by eating YOURS!
6
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:31,060
Good! More for me! Eh? What IS this?
7
00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:38,620
Tastes like something I remember.
8
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,380
Eggs?
9
00:00:40,380 --> 00:00:43,860
Yes. That's what it is.
It's like eggs.
10
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:50,140
I'll regret saying this, but,
good work. I'll make you one. Good.
11
00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:58,300
What are you doing? Following
the recipe. It's from Naked Chef.
12
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:06,100
The Naked Chef isn't actually naked,
it's the name of the programme.
13
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,060
I'm willing to go that extra mile!
14
00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:15,580
Did you have your kit off when you
cooked this? I wore an oven glove!
Nick, that's disgusting!
15
00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:27,820
How are you doing?
16
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:32,060
Stupid Brian's good at this.
Don't call him Stupid Brian!
17
00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:37,220
Sorry. It stuck. Don't know why.
18
00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:37,220
In your hand.
19
00:01:38,740 --> 00:01:43,860
OK! But he is very...kind.
Well, you always wanted a pet.
20
00:01:43,860 --> 00:01:46,700
Would you like some tea or coffee?
21
00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:53,140
Well done - you've confused him!
Sorry! I'll make tea.
22
00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:57,020
There!
You could put a donkey on that!
23
00:01:57,020 --> 00:01:59,780
I was thinking of cookbooks.
24
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:04,380
What do I owe you?
25
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:08,180
No wonder they call you
Stupid Brian.
26
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:11,060
PIANO IS BADLY OUT OF TUNE
27
00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:21,020
What in the name of Satan
are you doing?
28
00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:25,060
I'm tuning the piano.
Why don't I go back to bed,
29
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:29,060
and, when I wake up,
you WON'T be tuning the piano?!
30
00:02:29,060 --> 00:02:33,460
Carry on like that, Dad,
and you'll wish your life away!
31
00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:36,300
I tried wishing. It doesn't work.
32
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:37,540
See...
33
00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:42,380
I met a bloke in a pub who sold me
this piano-tuning gear. 80 quid.
34
00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:45,460
Said I could make a lot of money
with this.
35
00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:51,660
Well, HE certainly has! It's like
Jack selling the family cow
for a handful of beans.
36
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:56,540
Those were MAGIC beans. So,
this is a magic piano-tuning kit(!)
37
00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:59,220
Early days yet! Now, hush!
38
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:01,060
DONG!
39
00:03:03,020 --> 00:03:06,020
DONG!
40
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:10,140
DONG!
41
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:14,980
I sometimes wonder
if Nick's all there.
42
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:18,540
Then, sadly, I find...he IS.
43
00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:25,140
He's having fun. He's young.
He's older than my bank manager.
Look what Brian's done.
44
00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:29,220
Knocked all the books off the shelf?
No. FIXED the shelf!
45
00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:36,460
The shelf that I was going to fix?
No. The shelf that I ASKED you to
fix two months ago! I was preparing.
46
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:39,300
It's not a round-the-world
yacht race!
47
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:43,620
When will you learn you can't fix
a shelf just like that?
48
00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:47,980
Brian did! "Brian did"(!)
Let's have a look!
49
00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:51,460
Look at this. Ha! This won't last...
50
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,180
OK!
51
00:03:57,180 --> 00:04:04,580
It'll stay a while. You were right -
52
00:03:57,180 --> 00:04:04,580
Chosen a colour yet?
53
00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:11,060
It needs careful thought. Choosing
a colour needs careful thought,
but... WHAT colour?
54
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:15,180
You've forgotten? How can I forget
something I never knew?
55
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:20,420
Are you suggesting
I'd decorate without consulting YOU?
What did I say?
56
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:27,900
You said nothing. I was asleep,
wasn't I? I've got enough to do
without checking if you're awake!
57
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:35,140
Excuse me. Had I been awake,
what I would have said is this -
that we don't need to decorate.
58
00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:39,580
NICK SCREAMS
59
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,380
I don't believe you sometimes!
60
00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:45,540
That's better!
You haven't even chosen a colour.
61
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:50,460
Make up your mind!
I HAVE made up my mind! Look.
62
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:54,540
You can sit here, lie here,
watch telly...
63
00:04:54,540 --> 00:04:58,700
Why change it? You've got to keep it
fresh - like a marriage.
64
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:04,780
I don't want my marriage
to be fresh. I said A marriage.
If you want ME to do it,
65
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:10,140
I've got free time in...a couple of
years. That's why Brian's doing it.
HIM?!
66
00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:13,580
Oh, hello! He's an imbecile!
67
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:19,660
Maybe. But he's good at decorating.
His dad's a decorator. Oh, cool.
So's MY dad!
68
00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:24,740
If Brian's not doing it
and YOU'RE not going to do it,
what's the alternative?
69
00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:30,620
Anyone got a tuning fork?
70
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:34,220
Or any sort of fork, really.
..A spoon?
71
00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:37,060
Brian, you can start tomorrow.
72
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:57,140
Hoi!
73
00:05:57,140 --> 00:06:03,500
What's the big idea? Quantum
mechanics. Thanks for the toast.
I'll toast you...
74
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:09,700
You'll be sorry when I'm dead!
Morning! I'm glad to see
YOU'RE making an early start.
75
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:15,820
I can't start until Mrs Harper's
chosen the paint.
Wait - have you been here all night?
76
00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:19,020
No. I've been in Janey's bedroom.
77
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:22,780
Sorry?
78
00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:27,460
I've been in Janey's bedroom.
It's just that I'm a bit...
79
00:06:27,460 --> 00:06:29,020
Deaf?
80
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:31,540
No. Uh...
81
00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:34,300
What I'm trying to say is...
82
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:37,700
have you been here all night?
83
00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:39,060
Yes.
84
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:43,460
In Janey's bedroom? Yes.
With Janey?
85
00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:45,700
Hope so.
86
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,900
Look, eh...Brian...
there are a number of issues here.
87
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,700
I know. Numbers. No.
88
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:54,980
Brian!
89
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:57,700
Oh, right, the tea! Thanks!
90
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,500
Susan! SUSAN!
91
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:07,780
Mm? Something rather disturbing
has happened.
92
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:12,860
You've made the tea, but you've
forgotten to pour it into the cups.
93
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:18,060
I'm upset! Did the postman not push
the letters all the way through(?)
94
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:22,740
No! Stupid Brian...
has spent the night with Janey.
95
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,540
What?!
96
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:30,900
In her bedroom. With...? Yeah.
In her...? Yeah. That IS disturbing!
97
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:35,540
Puts the tea business
in perspective, doesn't it? Yes.
98
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:38,020
You gonna deal with this?
99
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:43,060
ME?! I deal with the boys.
You've done a great job(!) Thanks.
100
00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:47,020
Well, I need your support.
You've got it.
101
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:53,060
I'm as unhappy about this
as you are. Good. Although...
Don't weaken now!
102
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:58,540
But it's not as if Janey's a child.
It's not as if she's not had
boyfriends.
103
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:03,300
But we have to tell her
it's a matter of parental respect.
104
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:10,060
We feel her behaviour inappropriate
and we want her to consider
our feelings. That is SO good!
105
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:16,580
Agreed? Yeah. We ARE agreed,
aren't we? Of course.
So what should we do?
106
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:19,260
Pack up and leave! Ben!
107
00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:25,780
It's vital we present
a united front. I'm with you.
No backing down. No.
108
00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:28,300
Together, yeah?
109
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,860
Maybe we could leave her a note.
110
00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:36,900
I know what this is about.
111
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:41,460
Good. Tell Brian he's not to stay
the night in your room.
112
00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:48,140
Oh, that! Is that all? "All"?!
Nothing! ..Eh...why can't he stay
in my room?
113
00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:53,100
Why can't...? Eh...
It's perfectly simple.
114
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:57,180
Liberal parents wake up to reality
and turn heavy!
115
00:08:57,180 --> 00:09:00,060
No! No. No. It's...eh...
116
00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:03,700
It's a matter of parental respect.
117
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:09,140
We feel your behaviour
is inappropriate and we would...
118
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:11,780
like you to consider our feelings.
119
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:16,860
It's not as if Janey's a child!
I mean, we know she's had boyfriends.
120
00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:22,060
What?! I think you're being
a little pompous.
121
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:26,940
Susan! It IS the 21st century.
I mean, chill out!
122
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:33,380
"Chill out"?
Like, "Get in the groove, daddy-o"?
123
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:40,460
If you're so cool about it,
why are you here? Thank you!
..Why ARE you here? I...
124
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:45,220
I don't have a problem with it,
it's...Michael. Michael?!
125
00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:50,540
It's just not appropriate while
there's a 13-year-old living here.
126
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:56,060
Michael! Yes? Do you mind
Brian staying the night in my room?
127
00:09:56,060 --> 00:10:00,220
Do you think
I'm the least bit interested?
128
00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:02,660
See? Janey...
129
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:05,940
I'm 17. I can do what I like.
130
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:12,140
You can't vote, drive a mini-bus,
work in an off-licence
or pilot a civil airliner.
131
00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:16,020
Thanks.
Run along and count your spots.
132
00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:19,340
At least MY spots are on my face!
133
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:21,980
Can I go now? No!
134
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:27,740
Yes! No! This discussion is not
over. Oh, Let's face it, Ben...
135
00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:35,060
whatever they're doing during the
night, they can do during the day
when we're out. Cool! Thanks, Mum!
136
00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:42,820
Well?
137
00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:45,500
I changed my mind.
138
00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:53,460
So, oatmeal or barley white?
You're not dragging me into this.
139
00:10:53,460 --> 00:11:00,060
Why did you change your mind?
If you don't help me choose
the colour, you'll complain later.
140
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,860
I'm complaining NOW. Come on!
141
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,540
We're down to the last five.
142
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:09,460
Oatmeal, barley white, taupe,
cream or ecru.
143
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:14,300
There's no difference between
any of them! Maybe not to YOUR eye.
144
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:18,820
They paid someone to come up with
five names for beige!
145
00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,460
Oh.
146
00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:26,540
You're right. It IS beige.
Look, Susan...
147
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:34,420
next time you change your mind,
we're going to have to work out
a secret signal. I'm sorry.
148
00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:38,580
It's just...
I don't want to turn into my mother.
149
00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:41,620
I don't want you
to turn into your mother!
150
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:47,900
When I was Janey's age,
my mother was always telling me
what to do. No wonder I rebelled.
151
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:50,540
You rebelled? Yes. I married YOU.
152
00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:55,620
At least I've got something
to thank your mother for!
153
00:11:55,620 --> 00:12:00,540
So the whole ghastly cycle
will start all over again!
154
00:12:00,540 --> 00:12:06,700
I don't care! You said present
a united front - and what happens?
You disappear!
155
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:11,420
Beige is boring.
I wash my hands of both of you!
156
00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:17,380
I was choosing my moment. A battle
isn't won until the last bullet
is fired.
157
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:19,780
It IS if you get shot in the head!
158
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:24,620
If Janey's too much for you,
I'LL handle her. Fine!
159
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,860
DONG! DONG!
You deal with the boys. No problem.
160
00:12:27,860 --> 00:12:30,620
NICK IS TRYING TO TUNE PIANO
161
00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:34,980
SLAM!
162
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,980
Hello, Stu.
163
00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:07,380
I didn't see you there!
164
00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:10,420
That was me.
Why didn't you say anything?
165
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:14,460
I thought you were tucking me in!
166
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,380
So, Stu, how's the decorating going?
167
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:21,740
Not much happening, is there?
168
00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:24,660
Why do you keep calling me Stu?
169
00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:27,540
Well, it's short for...eh...
170
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,820
For...eh...Stupid!
171
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,700
Cool!
172
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:46,380
What the hell
do you think you're doing?
173
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:49,060
Just vacuuming. Vacuuming.
174
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:55,860
You've been doing the same spot
for 20 minutes. I'm being thorough.
It's obsessive compulsive disorder!
175
00:13:55,860 --> 00:14:00,700
It's 10am and Janey and Brian aren't
up yet! Ah. I'll be downstairs.
176
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:03,740
Wait! Remember - united front?
177
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:06,620
I didn't forget! Sssh!
178
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:09,700
What do you think they're doing
in there?
179
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:14,060
Thanks to you,
I'm going to be wondering all day!
180
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:19,220
Sssh! What? I heard something.
What sort of thing? I don't know.
181
00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:21,300
A creak.
182
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,860
A floorboard, maybe.
183
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:26,540
Perhaps a spring! Oh, God!
184
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:36,660
Something interesting going on?
What are YOU doing here?
185
00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:42,740
You mean, why aren't I in there
having sex with Brian? No. Yes. Yes!
Sorry to disappoint you!
186
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,020
So, then...chosen that colour yet?
187
00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:10,700
Morning, guv,
what can I do you for?
188
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:16,460
Great Caesar's ghost!
189
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:22,060
Hello, Dad. What are you doing here?
I asked YOU first. No, you didn't.
190
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:25,660
You didn't tell me
you were working here.
191
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:33,820
If I told you every time I got
a new job, I'd never have time
to work! ..See the game last night?
192
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:38,460
What game?
There was no game last night.
193
00:15:38,460 --> 00:15:41,220
Work with me - I'm in character!
194
00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:44,060
NICK WHISTLES
195
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:49,780
Want some paint, then? Ohhh! Hold on,
squire, where are you off to?
196
00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:56,100
To find another paint shop.
If I'm quick, I might find
that YOU'RE not there! Oh, OK.
197
00:15:56,100 --> 00:16:01,460
I need 15 litres of paint mixed,
and I can't afford to screw up.
198
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:05,540
I'm wiv you, guv.
Little lady got you under the thumb?
199
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:07,220
Cheers!
200
00:16:07,220 --> 00:16:12,060
Dad, come on. It's 15 litres.
That'll look really good for me.
201
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:17,100
If I don't keep this job...
Well, there's always piano tuning!
202
00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:23,940
Honestly, I won't screw up. I can't
screw up - it's all done on computer.
203
00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,220
Plus...
204
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:27,860
I'll give you 10% staff discount.
205
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:31,460
All right.
What's the worst that can happen?
206
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:35,260
200 quid down the drain!
Only kidding!
207
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,860
I type in the code...
208
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:46,140
What are we doing? ..Oh, yeah, paint.
Screw this up, and I'll be
scraping you off the wall.
209
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:49,900
Cool. Grumpy customer!
Nice character, Dad!
210
00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:58,060
Are you sure that's the colour?
Looks like a tart's boudoir.
211
00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:00,700
It'll be different when it's on.
212
00:17:06,180 --> 00:17:09,060
Looks like a tart's boudoir.
213
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:12,580
I quite like it.
It's like Janey's bedroom.
214
00:17:14,020 --> 00:17:19,060
I knew it. Nick, paint, computers...
I should have seen it coming.
215
00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:21,700
I'll take it back tomorrow morning.
216
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:25,780
Well, I suppose
you can go home now, Brian.
217
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:31,860
Or you can spend the rest of the day
with me and the evening
and whatever.
218
00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:34,580
I'll just finish up here, then.
219
00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:37,780
Janey! What? A word - in the kitchen.
220
00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:42,820
Mum wants a word with us. Alone.
You can talk in front of Brian.
221
00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:45,860
Are you still waxing your lip? Mum!
222
00:17:47,420 --> 00:17:54,100
You know I don't wax my lip. And you
know I don't like that attitude.
What's your problem? Brian staying?
223
00:17:54,100 --> 00:18:00,460
I don't have a problem with that.
It's...it's your father. Yes.
It makes him grumpy.
224
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:03,540
He's grumpy anyway,
why change things?
225
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:10,060
YOU don't like Brian spending
the night here and you're thinking
of reasons to justify it.
226
00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:13,860
I don't need a reason.
I'm your mother!
227
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:20,540
You can't invite a boy to stay
without checking with us.
Can Brian stay tonight? No. Why not?
228
00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:23,020
Because! That's not a reason!
229
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:28,060
It's a very good reason. Why?
Because we didn't do it in OUR day.
230
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:33,660
You did. You're just jealous
because you felt guilty about it
and I don't.
231
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:38,980
So, did you tell her? Yes.
WHAT did you tell her?
232
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:43,540
I said YOU were very unhappy
with the Brian situation.
233
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:50,300
Oh, that's great. Why are you
always turning ME into the pompous
fart? Because it's so easy.
234
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:55,060
Stop playing the kind, enlightened
child of the sixties.
235
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:59,860
Well, I am. No. You WERE.
Wake up, hippy, Woodstock's over.
236
00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:06,700
I'm sorry. But when I was talking
to Janey, I heard my mother's voice
coming out of my mouth.
237
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:12,500
It was like The Exorcist! You can't
do this! You can't wear that!
238
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:20,540
Where are you going? You'll never
be popular if you don't brush
your HAAAAAAIIIRRR!
239
00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:28,180
So, did you use that voice?
How did she take it?
240
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:31,060
I don't know and I don't care.
241
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:35,700
Never mind your mother,
you're beginning to sound like ME!
242
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:43,060
COME ON!
243
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:46,500
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!
HURRY UP...
244
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,540
you useless idiot! Excuse me?
245
00:19:49,540 --> 00:19:52,860
Sorry.
I was expecting a useless idiot.
246
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:58,060
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
Sorry. Where's Nick? Hm?
247
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:03,100
Nick Harper, the bloke working here
yesterday. I'm still not with you.
248
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:05,780
He sold me this revolting paint.
249
00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:11,380
He managed to produce something
the colour of a meerkat's vomit.
250
00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:15,460
I don't think so, sir.
I'd like my money back, please.
251
00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:22,060
I don't think so, sir. I'd like
my money back. I... We could go on
like this for some time...
252
00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:25,420
and I'd rather be here
than at home.
253
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:32,140
It's very simple, there was no
Nick Harper working here yesterday.
Six-foot-two, reddish hair.
254
00:20:32,140 --> 00:20:36,420
Oh, you mean Cliff Challenger.
Cliff Challenger?
255
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:41,060
Why didn't you say so before, sir?
Because he... Yeah.
256
00:20:41,060 --> 00:20:44,180
So, I'd like my money back, please.
257
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:50,220
It couldn't have been Cliff
who mixed this paint.
He's been our best worker ever. What?
258
00:20:50,220 --> 00:20:53,380
He's been promoted to head office.
259
00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:59,020
You're lying, aren't you? Yes. You
know how I know you're lying? No.
260
00:20:59,020 --> 00:21:05,380
Because "Cliff Challenger" is my son
and his talents do NOT lie
in the executive area.
261
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:10,580
Your son? Then perhaps you'd write
your full name and address here.
262
00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:15,900
So glad we're seeing sense.
So we know where to send the bill.
What bill?
263
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:22,780
For offering random staff discounts
to his friends, family
and busloads of complete strangers,
264
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:25,860
for instituting
an all-day happy hour...
265
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:32,300
and for wasting 22 litres of paint
on a mural of Britney Spears
on the wall outside.
266
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:35,980
Look,
whatever my son has or hasn't done,
267
00:21:35,980 --> 00:21:39,900
I'd just like my money back.
It's YOUR fault.
268
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:44,860
What do you mean? You knew
he was an idiot when you bought it!
269
00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:47,740
My son is not an idiot.
270
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:52,860
Yeah. OK. How much do you want?
271
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,260
NICK!
272
00:22:02,260 --> 00:22:04,140
Yes?
273
00:22:04,140 --> 00:22:05,620
Nothing.
274
00:22:05,620 --> 00:22:12,300
If there's one thing I've learned
in life, it's once a piano tuner,
always a piano tuner.
275
00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:15,380
Best to stick to what you're good at.
276
00:22:15,380 --> 00:22:17,060
CLANG!
277
00:22:17,060 --> 00:22:18,860
Oh, dear.
278
00:22:20,020 --> 00:22:22,700
Did you get the paint?
279
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:27,540
Don't push me. I'm too tired
for sarcasm. You angel.
280
00:22:29,020 --> 00:22:31,780
And it's the right colour, too!
281
00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:34,300
Are you sure?
282
00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:36,060
Maybe.
283
00:22:36,060 --> 00:22:39,220
Maybe we should
go for bolder colours.
284
00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:42,300
How about dried blood?!
285
00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:43,940
Oooh!
286
00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:46,260
Ben.
287
00:22:46,260 --> 00:22:49,340
How about soap stone?
288
00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:54,420
Soap stone? Soap stone?
You LIKE soap stone?
289
00:22:54,420 --> 00:22:56,060
Hmm!
290
00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:58,340
Y...nah...
291
00:22:58,340 --> 00:23:03,060
Soap stone's good. It's warm.
It goes with the furniture.
292
00:23:03,060 --> 00:23:06,140
Come on, Susan, choose soap stone.
Mmm... Y...
293
00:23:06,140 --> 00:23:08,860
Brian, are you coming to bed?
294
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:15,780
Are you determined to defy me?
I haven't given it much thought.
Janey! Enough is enough. Thank you.
295
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:21,860
She was about to make a decision
and you distract her
with your infernal teenage lusts!
296
00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:27,460
"So, you like soap stone?
297
00:23:27,460 --> 00:23:30,060
"Y... N...
298
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:32,700
"Oooh, I don't know."
299
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:37,060
Is it all right if I wait in here?
Yeah. Come in.
300
00:23:37,060 --> 00:23:42,140
There's always room for two
in my personal hell! Cheers.
301
00:23:43,260 --> 00:23:44,900
So...
302
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:52,220
what do you do if someone you respect
asks you to do something that you
don't think is right in the bedroom?
303
00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:58,660
What?! Or the toilet.
304
00:23:58,660 --> 00:24:04,500
I'm sorry. Too much information.
I'm not saying I'm not up for it.
305
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:09,380
Brian, whatever you and my...
Janey get up to is...
306
00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:13,580
is...and...
I just don't wanna know about it.
307
00:24:13,580 --> 00:24:16,820
It's not Janey. It's your wife.
308
00:24:19,020 --> 00:24:24,060
What?! She wants me to decorate
your bedroom and the toilet.
309
00:24:26,020 --> 00:24:30,420
Is that all?
So you're happy about it, then?
310
00:24:30,420 --> 00:24:36,140
A lot happier
than the thing I thought...
Can we talk about Janey now?
311
00:24:36,140 --> 00:24:42,700
No! She's doing my nut in!
Welcome to the family! If I stay,
I'll upset your missus, if I don't,
312
00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:49,540
I'm gonna upset Janey. Whatever I do,
I'm gonna upset somebody.
Welcome to the family!
313
00:24:49,540 --> 00:24:52,060
You know, Brian...
314
00:24:52,060 --> 00:24:54,540
I don't care.
315
00:24:54,540 --> 00:25:00,100
I'm tired - mentally, physically,
emotionally. I just wanna go to bed.
316
00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:02,780
So do I. But where?
317
00:25:04,020 --> 00:25:07,060
Brian,
haven't you got any initiative?
318
00:25:07,060 --> 00:25:08,540
No.
319
00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:11,380
So, when you go home tonight...
320
00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:16,340
put your ladder up against
Janey's bedroom, and, bingo!
321
00:25:16,340 --> 00:25:20,300
Bingo! I don't think
that's what she's got in mind.
322
00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:26,300
Look, Brian, uh...
323
00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:31,140
people don't mind things when
they don't know that it's happening.
324
00:25:31,140 --> 00:25:36,580
OK. But don't you think the whole
thing's a bit... What's the word?
325
00:25:36,580 --> 00:25:38,540
Hypocritical.
326
00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:40,620
No. Difficult.
327
00:25:41,580 --> 00:25:46,700
We've got to do something about that
girl. It's... ..All sorted out.
328
00:25:46,700 --> 00:25:51,060
What? If you want something done,
get a man to do it.
329
00:25:51,060 --> 00:25:56,260
Brian's going home. What did you
say? Put my foot down. ..OK, Brian?
330
00:25:56,260 --> 00:25:58,780
Mr H. Mrs.
331
00:25:58,780 --> 00:26:01,580
Safe journey home. OK?
332
00:26:01,580 --> 00:26:04,860
I'm not going home... Oh, yeah.
Good night!
333
00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:18,980
What did you do? I deal with
the boys, OK? Now, you do me the
courtesy of picking a bloody colour!
334
00:26:18,980 --> 00:26:24,460
I'm beginning to think
the room was better the way it was.
335
00:26:27,020 --> 00:26:28,260
What?
336
00:26:28,260 --> 00:26:31,060
I mean, the living room's fine.
337
00:26:31,060 --> 00:26:39,060
You can sit in it,
watch telly in it, it's cosy enough,
comfortable... Not any more!
338
00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:43,820
I can't take the stress..
and you haven't been much help.
339
00:26:46,020 --> 00:26:48,540
I haven't been much...?
340
00:26:48,540 --> 00:26:51,620
Listen, you. You listen to me.
341
00:26:51,620 --> 00:26:56,460
I've been back and forth
to the paint shop eight times,
342
00:26:56,460 --> 00:27:02,540
while you make up your mind
between cuttlefish, salmon pink
and squid!
343
00:27:02,540 --> 00:27:07,380
I've spent £600 on paint,
£200 on Nick's staff discount,
344
00:27:07,380 --> 00:27:12,460
not to mention the small fortune
it'll cost to repair that piano!
345
00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:19,580
Stress? You don't know the meaning
of the word! And now you've got
the bloody gall to say I'm no help!
346
00:27:19,580 --> 00:27:22,100
That's it! That's the colour!
347
00:27:23,580 --> 00:27:27,620
Sorry! Just getting Janey
a glass of water.
348
00:27:39,020 --> 00:27:40,540
DONG!
349
00:27:40,540 --> 00:27:42,060
DONG!
350
00:27:42,060 --> 00:27:44,060
DONG!
351
00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:46,700
ALL KEYS SOUND THE SAME
352
00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:58,100
Pretty good, eh?
353
00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:04,180
Nick, you've managed to tune
the whole piano to the same note.
That's right.
354
00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:07,060
Middle C.
355
00:28:07,060 --> 00:28:08,780
Perfect.
356
00:28:08,780 --> 00:28:15,540
What in the name of all the gods
is the point of that?
What is the point of a sunset?
357
00:28:15,540 --> 00:28:20,980
What is the point of a snowflake?
What is the point
of a butterfly's wing?
358
00:28:20,980 --> 00:28:23,860
You're right. What is the point?
359
00:28:25,580 --> 00:28:28,060
What is the point?
360
00:28:28,060 --> 00:28:33,140
As long as that bloody row
is over and done with.
361
00:28:33,140 --> 00:28:35,100
DONG!
362
00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:38,380
Hold on. That's not middle C.
363
00:28:39,340 --> 00:28:41,940
I'd better start again.
31214
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof