Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,020 --> 00:00:03,780
Pass me the er...
2
00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:05,820
Half Hollenback?
3
00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:07,860
Yes, thank you.
4
00:00:10,540 --> 00:00:13,260
Oh, doing it like that, are you?
5
00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:17,860
Yes, I'm doing it like that,
because that's the way I do it.
6
00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:22,180
It's just that I tend to favour
the Ward Carver, myself.
7
00:00:22,180 --> 00:00:24,220
PHONE RINGS
8
00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,380
Are you going to answer that?
9
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:33,660
I suppose so.
10
00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:37,500
What's up with him?
11
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:39,540
Well, let me put it this way.
12
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,940
Imagine you want to be a dentist.
13
00:00:41,940 --> 00:00:45,500
You spend five years at
dental school, fail your exams,
14
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:49,140
and thus harbour a deep resentment
against dentists.
15
00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:52,900
Where's the last place
you would like to work? Oh.
16
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,820
Hm. I see.
17
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:04,540
Would you mind not standing
so close? I'm sorry.
18
00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:08,140
I wanted to see
if some of the magic would rub off.
19
00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:10,180
Find out the big secret.
20
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,140
Oh, right.
21
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,260
I see.
22
00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:18,660
Going to do it like that, are you?
23
00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:34,460
Hello, Nick. How was your day?
24
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:36,780
The usual. Got up, went to work,
25
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:38,820
got sacked.
26
00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:41,660
You seem depressed. I got sacked.
27
00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,700
You weren't depressed last time.
28
00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:45,740
That was yesterday.
29
00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:50,260
Sacked twice in two days. People
will say I'm a useless layabout.
30
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:54,700
Why hasn't that useless layabout
got a job? That IS his job.
31
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,740
God, this new assistant!
32
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,580
He's the most annoying man
I've ever met.
33
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:02,500
Is this the Bulgarian?
Susan, keep up.
34
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:06,100
I've had three assistants
since the Bulgarian.
35
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,620
Never employ a frustrated dentist.
36
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,660
Or marry one.
37
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,940
She doesn't mean that.
38
00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:17,020
Did you mean it
about the useless... Yes.
39
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,860
Can I have some?
No, it's 15 years old.
40
00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:21,900
I don't mind.
41
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:29,900
If this man annoys you so much,
sack him. Are you kidding?
42
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,660
Don't you realise,
43
00:02:31,660 --> 00:02:35,820
this is the first time in my life
someone's jealous of me.
44
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:38,020
Don't you see? I have arrived.
45
00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:40,300
It's too delicious.
46
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,060
But he's got to go.
47
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:46,300
I know. Resentment can lose
its glitter. I dread to think
48
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:51,660
who that agency will send me next.
A cleptomaniac with Tourette's.
49
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:54,580
You could try the agency
I've been using.
50
00:02:54,580 --> 00:03:00,300
I don't REALLY want a cleptomaniac
with Tourette's.
They're very thorough.
51
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,780
How would you know? They fired me.
52
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:05,140
I'm "chronically unemployable".
53
00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,100
They're perceptive, then.
54
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:10,020
Ben, his self-esteem
is at rock bottom.
55
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:13,100
Then it's matching reality.
56
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,780
PHONE CONTINUES RINGING
57
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:26,100
If that's stupid Brian,
I don't want to talk to him. Hello.
58
00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:28,140
Hello?
59
00:03:29,380 --> 00:03:32,100
I know you're there,
I heard a clunk.
60
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:35,700
That's stupid Brian.
He always drops his mobile.
61
00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:38,300
Oh, yes, she's here. I'll get her.
62
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,580
It's Brian.
63
00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:44,060
No. No? I broke up with him
yesterday. He must have forgotten.
64
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:46,660
Tell him again!
No, Dad. You tell him.
65
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,100
I'm not...
66
00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:54,660
Er hello? Brian?
67
00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:58,380
No, it's not Janey, it's, it's um...
68
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,540
it's her dad. Yeah.
69
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,140
She said she broke up with you
yesterday.
70
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:11,100
Yes, I'm afraid it IS serious.
71
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:14,100
Oh, look, don't cry, Brian.
72
00:04:16,660 --> 00:04:20,620
Er...look, Brian, I really think
this is for the best.
73
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,660
For both of us.
74
00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:28,060
Yes, look, yes, of course
we can still be friends.
75
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,740
Of course, Brian.
76
00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:33,500
Bye-bye, Brian.
77
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:37,780
Anyone else want anything?
Nick, want me to sign on for you?
78
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:39,820
Oh, would you, Dad?
79
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:42,660
Would you rub cream on my rash?
80
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,700
PHONE RINGS
81
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:47,900
What! Yes? Hello?
82
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,860
Janey! Someone called Mark!
83
00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:53,540
Any messages you want passing on?
84
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:57,220
It's over, or you're pregnant?
Sorry, Mark. Joke.
85
00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:59,060
I was just thinking of you.
86
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:01,260
Listen, I've just had an idea.
87
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:04,060
Nick needs a job,
you need an assistant...
88
00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:05,980
Both things are true.
89
00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:09,140
Well? Sorry, what was the idea?
90
00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:10,940
What she's saying is...
91
00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:13,140
The answer is, in your dreams,
92
00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:16,060
on the moon,
or when hell freezes over.
93
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:18,700
Thanks for being so supportive(!)
94
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:21,220
That's being insane.
95
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:25,220
You're undermining Nick's
confidence. He's not. I am.
96
00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:27,780
You're just too flaky to notice.
97
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,900
There you go again. Dig, dig.
98
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:33,580
Ever wondered why
he's flaky, incompetent and lazy?
99
00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:36,820
Mum, that DOES undermine
my confidence.
100
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:41,300
You don't trust him.
Give him a job, you'll be surprised.
101
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,420
Oh, yeah, I'll be surprised.
102
00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:46,140
There'll be bats
flying out my arse.
103
00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:49,540
If you're so concerned, Susan,
104
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:51,900
why don't YOU give him a job?
105
00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:56,180
Because that's different.
106
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:58,100
Why is it different?
107
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:02,620
HE CHUCKLES
108
00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,780
No, that was just the warm-up.
109
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:08,460
Would you like to work for me?
What are the hours like?
110
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:12,940
See? He doesn't want the job.
Yes, I do. What?
111
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,100
When do I start?
112
00:06:20,740 --> 00:06:24,100
Nick, please pay attention.
Sorry, Mum.
113
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:29,100
But it's the first badge
with my name on
since that McDonald's job.
114
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:30,900
It's good to be back.
115
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,940
Please, concentrate.
116
00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:36,820
We're taking a party of 40
on a London Heritage walk.
117
00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:38,860
Stick close to me, do as I do,
118
00:06:38,860 --> 00:06:41,780
and if you're unsure...
I'll just wing it.
119
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,820
No, no. Just ask. Now...
120
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,980
Here's your umbrella.
121
00:06:48,980 --> 00:06:53,380
Your staff of office, your
tour guide sceptre, if you like.
122
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:57,300
I have a question.
If Buzz Lightyear doesn't know
he's a toy,
123
00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:01,340
why doesn't he speak to humans?
What?!
124
00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:04,260
You said to ask
if I wasn't sure of anything.
125
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:06,900
Be serious. If you do this properly,
126
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:10,020
keep your nose clean,
and hold down a job,
127
00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:13,140
it'll really annoy your father.
128
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:14,980
Gotcha, Mum.
129
00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:17,020
Nick!
130
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:20,020
Nick!
Oh, hi, Mum. We're just studying.
131
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:23,540
I know, dear. Have you seen Nick?
132
00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:26,020
He's not home yet. This is awful!
133
00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:29,020
No, Mum,
you're thinking of Nick IS home.
134
00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:32,780
Hello, Mark. No, I'm Tom.
135
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:39,340
So you're not the one who called...
I'll leave it at that.
136
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:42,860
Oh, thank God!
137
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:42,860
Glad somebody's glad to see me.
138
00:07:42,860 --> 00:07:46,700
I thought you were Nick.
That's not funny, Susan.
139
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,820
Who's that? That's Tom. Tom?
140
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:56,140
We're studying.
141
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:58,180
Ah, right.
142
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:07,980
I may have slipped
into a parallel universe.
143
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:12,620
You thought I was Nick, and
Janey's studying. You're so naive.
144
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:16,180
It was a cover story.
They were smooching.
145
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,220
What?!
146
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:21,500
Hang on, this is called Tom.
147
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:25,260
Yesterday it was Mark,
the day before it was Brian.
148
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:29,020
She's young. She'll grow out of it.
I should hope so.
149
00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:31,220
I did. I should BLOODY hope so!
150
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,940
Hang on, why did you think
I was Nick?
151
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:35,980
No reason.
152
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,860
How did it go today? Oh, fine. Fine.
153
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:45,900
No disasters, catastrophes,
or things like that.
Oh, that's... very good, yes.
154
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:49,580
In fact, it went so well, I...
It went so well, I...
155
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,620
sent Nick off by himself.
156
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:57,580
You sent Nick off by himself?
157
00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:01,060
HE CHUCKLES
158
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:04,260
Course you did!
159
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:06,020
All right, I lost him.
160
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:08,060
30-love!
161
00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:10,820
You wouldn't listen.
He's unemployable!
162
00:09:10,820 --> 00:09:15,460
It's early days. He needs care,
love, and tenderness.
163
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:19,180
Hiya, Mum.
YELLS: Where the hell have you been?
164
00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:24,500
Hey, don't ask me what sort of day
I've had. Where's that beer?
165
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,540
OK, OK, so you got lost.
166
00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:31,020
Fine. But did you have to take
my entire tour group with you?
167
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:34,700
There goes another job.
Oh, you led a little tour!
168
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:38,420
Your mother will be proud.
What was it called?
169
00:09:38,420 --> 00:09:42,740
Pub Crawl of London Town,
or Shops You Can't Go Into Again?
170
00:09:42,740 --> 00:09:47,820
It was Dylan Thomas' London. Oh,
the pub crawl. Don't encourage him.
171
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,900
I only asked. I was talking to Nick.
172
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:52,740
What have you done
with your umbrella?
173
00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:57,100
It's probably still at
the police station. And your badge?
174
00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:59,020
I think I left it in casualty.
175
00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:02,500
And your clipboard?
A baboon ran off with it.
176
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,340
Well, at least
you took them to the zoo.
177
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:07,140
No.
178
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,820
Shut up, you!
This is all your fault.
179
00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:12,700
Me?!
You've been willing him to fail.
180
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:16,620
Beaming failure rays at him?
I wouldn't put it past you.
181
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:19,580
No beer, you've got work tomorrow.
Eh? Eh?
182
00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:21,340
I've still got the job? Yes.
183
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:24,340
Wow! I've never had
a second day before.
184
00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:26,620
What do I do?
185
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,580
The same as you did on the...
No, scrub that.
186
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:33,660
You really don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
187
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:38,740
He's the only one who knows
where he left the tour group.
188
00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:41,300
Well, that old filling's cracked,
189
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,340
and allowed decay to set in.
190
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:48,300
I'll drill it out and give you
a new one. OK, you're the expert.
191
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,700
What's going on?
192
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:56,180
Oh, Mr Davis was telling me
what he's going to do.
193
00:10:56,180 --> 00:10:58,220
Oh, really?
194
00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:00,260
What Mr Davis is going to do
195
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:04,460
is answer the phone, make coffee,
and book appointments.
196
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:07,140
If that's the way you want to do it.
197
00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:10,820
I thought HE was the dentist.
No, I'M the dentist!
198
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:15,980
Although I did spend five years
at Bristol University dental school.
199
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:19,660
You've got a cracked filling,
and decay's set in.
200
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:22,220
That's what HE said. I'M saying it!
201
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:23,940
I thought you were on holiday.
202
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:28,780
I left the room for five minutes,
though it SEEMED like a holiday.
203
00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:30,340
Let's get cracking.
204
00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:32,380
Er...actually,
205
00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:35,700
I think I'll cancel my appointment.
206
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,220
Let me know when you qualify.
207
00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:40,740
Oh, great(!)
208
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,420
I know, Ben. I know.
209
00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:46,940
It's a horrible thing, rejection.
210
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,700
I'll pack my things. Mm-hm.
211
00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:55,780
And then he just left.
212
00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:58,180
I managed to sack him with a look.
213
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,140
HE CACKLES
214
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:03,380
God, I was good!
215
00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:05,420
Amazing.
216
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,340
Don't go over the top.
No, this letter.
217
00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:10,540
From the school, about Janey.
218
00:12:10,540 --> 00:12:15,100
Send them a letter of apology
and a cheque to cover the damage.
219
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:20,940
They want her to go to Oxbridge.
What's that? Code for
youth detention centre?
220
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:25,940
Her grades have gone through the
ceiling. Was she on the floor above?
221
00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:27,980
Oh, my God. Look.
222
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:31,580
Mm, the signature looks genuine.
Good for Janey.
223
00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:33,620
Just think,
224
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,660
university.
225
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:39,260
Our little girl,
226
00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:43,460
who we've watched growing up,
nurtured, and cared for...
227
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:45,500
gone.
228
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:50,300
Our little girl
passing her exams, and...
229
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,780
going.
230
00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:57,340
I knew she could do it
if she applied herself.
231
00:12:57,340 --> 00:13:01,100
The only thing Janey's
applied herself to is boys.
232
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:04,140
And there's a different one here
every day.
233
00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:09,460
She's obviously giving them dates
in exchange for private coaching.
234
00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:14,500
Do you know what that sounds like
in MY book?
235
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:17,300
A very clever plan?
236
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,940
Later, Kev. When?
237
00:13:19,940 --> 00:13:24,540
After you explain the theory
of value in relation to economics.
238
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:27,140
God, Janey,
239
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,580
you're insatiable. What?! Ben! Ben!
240
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:32,700
Er...hi, Janey.
241
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:35,740
And you are? Kev.
242
00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:38,580
Kev. What happened to Tom?
243
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:40,420
Tom's history.
244
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,020
We're so sorry.
245
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:45,300
No, Tom's history, Kev's economics.
246
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,540
And Mark?
247
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:55,020
French conversation. So, it's
a different boy for every subject.
248
00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:56,300
So?
249
00:13:56,300 --> 00:14:02,780
So? So, I suppose the reason
stupid Brian got the elbow
was because he's... Stupid.
250
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:07,260
Shame, really. He was so kind, sweet,
good-looking and sexy.
251
00:14:07,260 --> 00:14:09,900
Yeah, but I'm a better kisser.
252
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:12,020
Actually, no.
253
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:17,020
You mean
you only want me for my mind?
What sort of boy do you think I am?
254
00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:19,020
An economist.
255
00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:20,740
You've used me, Janey!
256
00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:22,540
You'll get used to it.
257
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:27,780
There's only one other boy who's
good at economics, and he's gay!
258
00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:33,420
Mike! What do you know
about economics?
259
00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:37,860
Supply and demand. If you want
information, you give me money.
260
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:42,220
Why is everyone making it
so hard to get a simple education?
261
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:44,500
Why go to university anyway?
262
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:47,220
It's a way out
without getting a job.
263
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,420
There's prison. There's death.
264
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:53,580
It doesn't make sense,
you at university.
265
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:56,180
Have you even thought which one?
266
00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,700
Course I have! I'm not an airhead.
267
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:01,860
(SIGHS) What's the one
with all the clubs?
268
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,060
Enjoying that?
269
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:08,100
Yes, thank you.
270
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:14,260
Got to the bit where the
secretary finds it's his gun? BEN.
271
00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:17,780
How can you read,
at a time like this? Let's see.
272
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,260
That was easy.
273
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:26,540
Think what our daughter is doing!
Getting good marks.
274
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:28,580
Yes, and Toms and Kevs.
275
00:15:31,740 --> 00:15:35,300
Sleeping with the boss?
Smart move, Dad.
276
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:38,780
Hercules returns from his labours.
277
00:15:38,780 --> 00:15:41,100
How was Day Two at the coalface?
278
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:44,540
Good one, Dad. Mum told me
not to come in today.
279
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:50,140
Did she indeed? Yes. Staff training.
He was reading up on background.
280
00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:51,780
And watching telly.
281
00:15:51,780 --> 00:15:56,300
Funny sort of job, loafing.
It's hardly employment at all?
282
00:15:56,300 --> 00:16:00,420
Sorry, Mum. Did I drop you in it?
I did, didn't I?
283
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,820
I'll be in my room, if you need me.
284
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,940
You don't need me, do you?
285
00:16:05,940 --> 00:16:08,580
Just get out.
286
00:16:08,580 --> 00:16:10,380
Advantage Ben Harper.
287
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:13,700
OK. You win. I'll sack him.
Now can I read?
288
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,540
What page are you on?
289
00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:21,580
I'm not going to finish
the chapter, am I?
290
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,820
Playing the field is one thing.
291
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:27,260
Doing it to get into university
is quite wrong.
292
00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:30,140
Will you talk to her,
or sit and stew?
293
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,900
Sit here and stew. It's less
trouble. For you, maybe.
294
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,940
What am I going to say to her?
295
00:16:35,940 --> 00:16:40,100
She doesn't respect me.
She never listens to me.
296
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,340
Sometimes I'm not sure
if she even likes me.
297
00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:45,580
Well, there you are then.
298
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,620
You've got nothing to lose.
299
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:56,380
The cop's wife did it.
300
00:17:03,380 --> 00:17:06,860
Hi.
Working, Dad. Yeah, yeah.
301
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:13,580
Yeah. Yeah. I thought we'd have
a little chat about work. And boys.
302
00:17:13,580 --> 00:17:16,100
You didn't. I did. You didn't.
303
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:19,700
I - all right, I didn't.
But I'm, I'm here now, OK?
304
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:23,380
God, she's got you whipped.
She hasn't.
305
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:25,420
She has not.
306
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:29,980
This is all my idea, OK?
307
00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:35,420
I think your private tuition scheme
308
00:17:35,420 --> 00:17:38,500
not to be dismissive or judgemental,
309
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:42,140
I mean, entirely appropriate.
310
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:44,940
Yeah, that does
sound like your idea.
311
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:50,260
It's not nice to be seeing
three blokes and getting something
in return.
312
00:17:50,260 --> 00:17:54,580
Seven, actually. What?
How many A-levels are you taking?
313
00:17:55,380 --> 00:18:00,220
There's various papers. Language,
literature, medieval, modern.
314
00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:02,180
What do you mean, not nice?
315
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:04,220
You - uff - well, love,
316
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:10,980
love is something special.
Not to be shared.
317
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:13,220
I mean, it is to be shared,
318
00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:15,420
but not for commercial ends.
319
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:18,660
Do you know
where you're going here? Yeah.
320
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:22,620
Yeah, yeah.
In the grand scheme of things,
321
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:24,660
once I get my bearings.
322
00:18:25,820 --> 00:18:27,940
What I'm trying to say is,
323
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,380
there are women
in the world who...
324
00:18:30,380 --> 00:18:34,140
who in return for payment
offer certain services.
325
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,900
Are you calling me a prostitute?
326
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,420
No.
327
00:18:42,420 --> 00:18:46,620
You're calling me a prostitute.
No, Janey, I didn't mean -
328
00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:49,380
It's what you meant. Thanks, Dad!
329
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,420
HE GROANS
330
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:58,500
That went rather well.
331
00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:03,660
I heard shouting.
332
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:07,300
There was a lot of plain speaking
on both sides.
333
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,940
What have you done?
334
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,260
I may have to go away for a while.
335
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,420
Why?
336
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:22,260
I might have called Janey
a prostitute.
337
00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:23,900
How did you manage that?
338
00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:26,380
It's a metaphor. I should hope so!
339
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:31,180
I'm not going to apologise.
That's best. You might offend her.
340
00:19:31,180 --> 00:19:34,620
This is all your fault. My fault?
341
00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:37,820
You're the one
who wanted to talk to her.
342
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:57,340
"Hi, Dad."
343
00:19:57,340 --> 00:19:59,740
It's all right. She's at school.
344
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,900
You scared me. It's good
to even things up.
345
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,620
Oh, God,
Susan, what am I going to do?
346
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:08,620
You could skulk about
in a dressing gown.
347
00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:12,700
But after that. How do I face
shame and embarrassment?
348
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,900
That's never bothered you.
349
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:17,020
Have you told him yet?
What?
350
00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:18,180
That you're sacking him?
351
00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:21,900
That was just a ruse to make
you happy. Huh. I'm not.
352
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:26,460
And I'm not sacking him.
353
00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:29,820
Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
354
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,540
Oh, hello, Janey.
355
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:33,580
Ha, ha, ha!
356
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:36,060
Game and set.
357
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:40,700
PHONE RINGS
358
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:49,740
Hello?
359
00:20:49,740 --> 00:20:52,820
Is that you, Brian? I heard a clunk.
360
00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:55,620
Oh! Yeah. Hello, Dad.
361
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:58,220
Did you say Dad?
Isn't it your name?
362
00:20:58,220 --> 00:21:00,220
No!
363
00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,180
That's what Janey calls you.
364
00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:04,860
Janey's at school at the moment.
365
00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:07,660
Oh, right! So am I!
366
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:09,740
Why are you calling here?
367
00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:13,740
I want to talk to you. Me? Why me?
368
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:18,900
I feel we've bonded. I've...
I've only spoken to you once.
369
00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:20,940
I know. Amazing, isn't it?
370
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:24,940
Brian, please - I'm a very busy man.
371
00:21:25,020 --> 00:21:29,340
I just want Janey back. I know
I'm not as clever as those guys,
372
00:21:29,340 --> 00:21:31,380
but I really love her.
373
00:21:31,380 --> 00:21:35,140
Brian, it really isn't clever
to go out with Janey.
374
00:21:36,220 --> 00:21:38,540
OK? Quite the reverse, in fact.
375
00:21:38,540 --> 00:21:42,140
How do I win her back?
You're a man who knows women.
376
00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:44,180
Ah, well...
377
00:21:44,180 --> 00:21:47,620
Yeah, well...get her flowers
or something.
378
00:21:47,620 --> 00:21:50,140
OK. Well, how much do I spend?
379
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:52,660
I don't know, Brian. Ten quid.
380
00:21:52,660 --> 00:21:55,460
Cor. Top idea.
381
00:21:55,460 --> 00:21:57,500
Thanks, Dad.
382
00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,060
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
383
00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:05,700
HE SIGHS
384
00:22:11,620 --> 00:22:13,660
Oh, yes.
385
00:22:16,380 --> 00:22:18,420
Puh, puh, puh, puh.
386
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:39,020
HE INHALES DEEPLY
387
00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:07,700
What is this?
388
00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:09,980
The Truman Show?
389
00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:11,900
If you'd come this way...
390
00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:19,460
There's a lot to get through. Right.
391
00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:24,020
Here we have a typical
English home, the family seat
392
00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:26,060
of the Harper dynasty.
393
00:23:26,060 --> 00:23:30,580
Here we have a typical English man.
Hi, Dad! Hi, er, Nick.
394
00:23:30,580 --> 00:23:33,660
He's slobbing about
in a dressing gown.
395
00:23:33,660 --> 00:23:37,300
There's the telly.
There's his banana sandwich.
396
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:39,420
Nick! Pretend we're not here.
397
00:23:39,420 --> 00:23:43,980
You may be intrigued to know
he's fallen out with his daughter
398
00:23:43,980 --> 00:23:46,580
after calling her a prostitute.
Please!
399
00:23:46,580 --> 00:23:49,220
The repercussions of this incident
400
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:51,300
are with us today.
NICK!
401
00:23:51,300 --> 00:23:53,460
OK, folks. Time for a break.
402
00:23:53,460 --> 00:23:55,460
Do use the facilities.
403
00:23:56,660 --> 00:24:00,860
Snacks are in the kitchen.
Not the yoghurt. I spat in it.
404
00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:06,060
What are you doing?
Touring a typical English home.
405
00:24:06,060 --> 00:24:09,740
What the hell for? Mum said
to go off and use my head.
406
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,780
In those exact words?
407
00:24:11,940 --> 00:24:14,900
Well, she told me to go off. Sort of.
Nick.
408
00:24:14,900 --> 00:24:17,140
What are these people doing?
409
00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:21,860
I ran out of historical sites.
410
00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:24,180
Oh, good idea. Tower of London.
411
00:24:25,780 --> 00:24:27,820
Please...thank you.
412
00:24:27,820 --> 00:24:29,420
Would you put that down?
413
00:24:29,420 --> 00:24:33,540
Nick! I was looking for you.
Thank goodness.
414
00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:37,060
You're fired. Oh. OK.
415
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:39,780
Happy now?
416
00:24:39,780 --> 00:24:43,740
Nick? Nick, please get
all these people out, now.
417
00:24:43,740 --> 00:24:46,260
Sorry, mate. Not my job any more.
418
00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:53,500
"Can you hold, please?"
No, I will not hold!
419
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:57,380
You were supposed to send
a temporary dental assistant!
420
00:24:57,380 --> 00:24:59,580
"He's eminently qualified."
421
00:24:59,580 --> 00:25:04,100
I know. I'm looking at his CV.
But I'm not looking at HIM!
422
00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:09,500
"Who?" Ramon Manlucas,
for the fifth time! Ramon Manlucas!
423
00:25:13,060 --> 00:25:15,700
Hello. I am Ramon Manlucas.
424
00:25:20,740 --> 00:25:22,780
Merciful heavens.
425
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:29,260
I am qualified,
with many recommendations
from dentists in Spain.
426
00:25:29,260 --> 00:25:33,260
Are you insane?
No, I am Ramon Manlucas.
427
00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:38,540
I am born in Portabuenos
and educated in Madrid.
428
00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:42,140
I am looking much forward
to working in England.
429
00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:45,980
I'm looking much forward
to booting you up the backside.
430
00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:48,540
Get out, Nick. Who is Nick?
431
00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:50,740
Drop it! I know it's you.
432
00:25:50,740 --> 00:25:52,620
Yes, it is me,
433
00:25:52,620 --> 00:25:55,940
Ramon Manlucas.
434
00:25:56,260 --> 00:25:58,980
It's the moustache, isn't it?
435
00:26:00,820 --> 00:26:03,020
It...it was going so well.
436
00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:06,740
What have you done
with the real Ramon Manlucas?
437
00:26:06,740 --> 00:26:10,260
There isn't one!
That's the brilliant part!
438
00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:12,300
Can I have a job?
439
00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:15,380
Just close the door,
440
00:26:15,380 --> 00:26:17,060
on your way out.
441
00:26:17,060 --> 00:26:20,300
No, you're right.
I mean, what's the point?
442
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:26,340
I can't work for you.
I can't work for Mum.
443
00:26:26,340 --> 00:26:28,740
Whenever I get a job, I get fired.
444
00:26:29,860 --> 00:26:31,900
Might as well forget work.
445
00:26:31,900 --> 00:26:34,740
It's just embarrassing for everyone.
446
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:36,780
Thank you. Excuse me.
447
00:26:36,780 --> 00:26:39,180
Yeah. It is embarrassing, Nick.
448
00:26:40,420 --> 00:26:42,460
You are incompetent.
449
00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:47,620
But there are people
all over the world
450
00:26:47,620 --> 00:26:51,380
who are incompetent, many of whom
have had jobs for years
451
00:26:51,380 --> 00:26:56,380
because they've never been found
out. Er...maybe you're the same.
452
00:26:56,380 --> 00:27:00,100
You've just got to find
an incompetent boss.
453
00:27:03,860 --> 00:27:05,900
When do I start?
454
00:27:07,900 --> 00:27:09,940
OK. Stand right there.
455
00:27:09,940 --> 00:27:14,140
Don't do anything. Don't touch
anything. Just watch. OK?
456
00:27:17,500 --> 00:27:19,700
Here we go.
457
00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:22,620
Ah. You're doing it like that,
are you?
458
00:27:33,420 --> 00:27:36,940
Hello, everyone. Hello.
459
00:27:38,380 --> 00:27:40,420
Hi, Janey.
460
00:27:42,460 --> 00:27:46,140
Just going to the kitchen.
Anyone want anything?
461
00:27:47,860 --> 00:27:49,900
No, thank you.
462
00:27:49,940 --> 00:27:52,060
Janey?
463
00:27:52,060 --> 00:27:54,900
Tea. Good. Good.
464
00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:57,940
Still haven't forgiven him, then ?
465
00:27:57,940 --> 00:27:59,700
Yeah.
466
00:27:59,700 --> 00:28:03,300
I've thought about it.
I was wrong. He was right.
467
00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:05,340
In a way.
468
00:28:05,340 --> 00:28:07,260
Are you going to tell him?
469
00:28:07,260 --> 00:28:09,300
Sugar? Two.
470
00:28:10,260 --> 00:28:12,420
Why would I want to do that?
471
00:28:12,420 --> 00:28:14,660
DOORBELL RINGS
472
00:28:18,180 --> 00:28:20,220
Hi!
473
00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:22,700
Janey! It's Stupid Brian. Cool.
474
00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:26,740
Hi, Janey!
475
00:28:26,740 --> 00:28:29,420
Hi, Brian!
476
00:28:29,420 --> 00:28:31,220
What have you got there?
477
00:28:31,220 --> 00:28:33,260
Flowers.
478
00:28:33,260 --> 00:28:37,660
Well, I was going to buy you flowers,
but I sort of...forgot.
479
00:28:37,700 --> 00:28:42,340
Oh!
480
00:28:44,340 --> 00:28:46,780
It was your dad's idea.
481
00:28:46,780 --> 00:28:49,060
Here you are. A nice cup of tea.
482
00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:51,100
I hate you!
483
00:28:51,100 --> 00:28:54,460
Subtitles by ITFC
for BBC Subtitling, 2001
35520
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof