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Last February, the stars of Married With Children...

...TV's longest-running original comedy...

...celebrated their 200th episode.

Tonight, you're invited to go backstage and hang out with Ed O'Neill...

...Katey Sagal, Christina Applegate, David Faustino...

...Amanda Bearse and Ted McGinley...

...as they look back at all-time greatest moments on "My Favorite Married..."

Hi, I'm Ed O'Neill here with the cast of Married With Children.

The question people ask us most about the show is...

...what are our favorite episodes from the last nine years?

Stick around because tonight you'll find out.

-What's your favorite, Ed? -Yeah?

I like the one where we-- The workbench.

-That's a great one. -When Ted and I--

We had the workbench that came in the mail and neither of us--

-Yes. -That made me laugh.

Wow, you can almost hear the Looney Tunes theme, can't you?

All right, let me know when I get all the way through.

Okey-dokey.

Plug us in, buddy.

Al, don't you have too many things plugged in already?

Peg, the only experience you have are with things that use batteries.

Men know plugs.

Plug us in, pal.

Photo op.

Wow, he hasn't moved like that in years.

Do you think Jefferson is stupid enough to try and unplug him now?

I'll save you, buddy.

I guess he is.

-I like the ones where I'm electrocuted. -Me too.

The other one I liked was the security guard one, where I--

-Bubba Smith. -With Bubba Smith.

-I play the security guard. -The first with Bubba.

The first one with Bubba was, I think-- For me, it was one of the best shows...

...where, you know, Bubba had been my rival in high school...

...and we ended up going at each other in the hallway of the school.

There's the line, Bundy.

The only way you're taking this trophy...

...is by getting past me.

Come on, Bundy. On the count of three.

Three.

Let's rock.

I'm hurt real bad, you know.

We will return to "My Favorite Married..." in a moment.

But first, it's time to test your Bundy I.Q.

The Bundys live in Chicago, Illinois.

But do you know what their address is?

We'll be back with the answer after this.

TV fans know the Bundys live in Chicago, Illinois...

...but only a true Bundyphile knows their address.

The answer is 9764 Jeopardy Lane.

And now back to "My Favorite Married..."

And now back to "My Favorite Married..."

-What was your favorite episode? -Well, I like the foodies.

Actually, that was a two-parter where we were in the grocery store.

-The Bundys-- -You got run over.

Yes. The Bundys move into the grocery store in the summer...

...because they don't have air conditioning.

Miss, excuse me. I think you dropped something.

Thank you, market dweller.

Daddy?

-What? -Do you want anything?

Yes, I have a strange yearning for some melons.

-And then they have the contest. -The cart of death.

Going through the aisles, ripping out stuff.

See, that's a fantasy, to be able to go and destroy.

-That was funny. -The Beav was in that one.

-The Beav was in that one. -Right.

Now for the rules. Whoever gets $1000 worth of food first, gets to keep it.

Which, by the way, is more than I'm getting for this gig.

On your mark, get set, go.

Come on, Peg. Come on, Peg.

-Too cheap, honey, we don't need it. -I know.

Jefferson.

Oh, my, God. My contact. I've lost my contact.

The problem with you, Al, is you're just playing too much...

…with Jefferson and Marcie to pay attention to what you're doing.

I'll just have to pay attention for the both of us.

Jefferson, I've fallen and I can't get up.

Marcie, where are you?

What was your favorite, Dave?

"Johnny Be Gone," which was a real-time episode.

-Before your time. -Before your time, Ted.

The "Johnny Be Gone" was the real-time show.

We did it. It was 22 minutes. It was act one, act two.

And Al and Peggy are trying to get to a restaurant.

It was funny because it was quick and moving.

Give me the batteries. I'm done with the car.

-What are all those extra parts? -Well, they're extra parts.

You know, for Koreans or something.

So typical.

Over there, solving the male child's problems...

...while your daughter takes the back seat.

You should be used to that, Kel.

I know there was a mix-up in the maternity ward.

Somewhere in a game preserve...

...two orangutans are picking lice off the head of my real baby brother.

Al, talk to Kelly.

How was your day? You're standing in my light, Kelly.

Daddy.

You wanted advice, I gave you advice.

You didn't want any advice, I left you alone.

Now you want advice again. Okay, here it is.

I am not a monkey.

We know, son.

-Is my dress ready yet? -For your body? No.

I'll go check on it.

Kelly, there were plenty of parties I wasn't invited to when I was a kid.

There's a mystery.

Here's another one. What the hell's holding that towel up?

My other favorite is the one where Santa Claus...

...is supposed to parachute down into the mall.

There's the Piper Cub, coming out of the clouds now...

...and Santa just made the jump.

What a beautiful free fall.

Wow, look at him fly.

Why is he flapping his arms like that?

Santa's chute doesn't seem to be opening.

Oh, he's being blown off course.

Our cameras have lost him.

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't know where he is.

-They have sex, I get electrocuted. -The roof show.

-"Who'll Stop The Rain." -I said, "It smells like ham in here."

-That was fun. -We electrocute you.

How many more holes did you put in the roof...

...by walking on it in spiked golf shoes?

Oh, and by the way, honey, this time on your way down...

...you took out our TV antenna.

I'm sorry, Peg, but I needed something to break my fall.

Since there was no live wire or your neck handy...

...I grabbed the first thing that hit my face.

-You know, our reception is shot to hell. -Well, I'm sorry, Peg.

Had I known you wanted to watch Dallas tonight...

...I'd have put my hands behind my back...

...and slalomed headfirst onto the patio.

-Are you ready to give up yet? -I am not.

It so happens that I have three unbroken bones yet.

I'll see you all-- I'll see you all drown before I quit.

-Good night, Peg. -Good night, honey.

Turn out the light.

Oh, and be careful, Al.

God, it smells like ham in here.

"My Favorite Married..." will continue in a moment.

It's time once again to test your Bundy I.Q.

Peg met Al Bundy while attending Polk High.

But what's the name of the county where she grew up?

We'll have the answer after this.

Question: What's the name of the county where Peg grew up?

The correct answer is good old Wanker County, Wisconsin.

And now, back to "My Favorite Married..."

And now, back to "My Favorite Married..."

-Best job on television. -Christina, you're very quiet.

-What's your favorite show? -Well, you guys are so entertaining.

-Aren't we? -What's your favorite?

I have a lot of them, but one of my favorites...

...was "Kelly Does Hollywood: Part 1," when I had all my girlfriends there.

That was a good one.

Am I on yet? Am I on yet? Is that me?

Today's topic: Cute butts and the men they're attached to.

Cyndy?

Who do you think has the cutest butt?

I do.

No, we're talking about men's butts.

Mel Gibson.

Lethal Weapon, oh, my God!

Okay, okay, okay. Girls, now, let's get serious.

Two, three, four.

Serious.

Okay. Now it's time for my favorite part of the show.

We're gonna talk about girls that we don't like.

The Vital Social Issues 'N Stuff with Kelly slut of the week is--

Two, three, four.

Slut.

Thank you. --is Vicki.

Now, not only is Vicki too cheap to give $1.50 to be on the show...

...but she also borrows clothes and doesn't give them back.

And if she does, she doesn't give them back with the hanger.

-She's trash. -She's dirt.

She gave me this perm.

So for all these things...

...we all give you, Vicki, a big get-a-yeast-infection salute.

So, what do you think?

I liked the pirate show. That was, by far, my favorite one.

It was so much fun. Best set we've had, don't you think, so far?

Hey, Fluvio.

Boy, I sure would like some of that.

What is it?

'Tis the cabin boy-girl, sir.

Oh, I am smitten by that boyish kitten.

Ahoy, cabin boy.

I am strangely attracted to you and your dubious sexuality.

And I to you and your easy, pretty-boy manner.

So let me remove all doubt and prove to you that I'm no boy.

How?

I like the other one, where you were with the aliens.

That was the one where Al, actually...

...really almost won at the very end, didn't he?

-Yeah. -Become a winner--

But there was no film when he's shooting the aliens.

You guys mind if I take your picture?

Say "millions."

Whoa, aliens!

Guys, just one more thing.

You sure you don't want the redhead for your intergalactic zoo?

I don't blame you. Well, live long and prosper.

I know I will.

It's fun when you get the giggles really bad.

The network doesn't appreciate it...

...because the tape's rolling and it's costing money.

You know, they raised the Christmas platter at Denny's 50 cents...

...and so we had to go to The Spud Hut for--

The giggles are when you-- We're trying to do something...

...just do our stuff, and we can't stop laughing.

And we can't get past a certain point. You just can't stop laughing.

-Remember when J.J.--? -J.J. with Joe Piscopo?

Oh, yeah, that was so funny.

It's a real show-business sound stage.

Daddy, a real show-business security guard.

I'll handle it, pumpkin.

Sorry, folks, this set is off-limits.

How did you get by the guard at the gate?

Well, they were busy frisking Joe Piscopo.

What? Piscopo's here again?

Now what are we gonna do?

Sorry, folks, this set is off-limits.

How did you get by?

Daddy, a real show-business security guard.

I'll handle it, pumpkin.

Sorry, folks, this set is off-limits.

How'd you get by the guard at the gate?

There's more to come on "My Favorite Married..."

Get ready for our final Bundy I.Q. test.

Everyone knows Al Bundy is a shoe salesman.

Do you know the name of his store?

For bonus points, name the mall where the store is located.

We'll return with the answers after these messages.

Okay, Married with Children fans.

What's the name of the shoe store where Al works?

The answer is Gary's Shoes & Accessories.

And the bonus question, what mall is the store located in?

The answer, the New Market Mall.

And now we return to "My Favorite Married..."

And now we return to "My Favorite Married..."

It's crazy when you think how many guest stars have been on our show.

What's your favorite guest star so far?

-Who's the funniest? -I liked Vanna White.

-Vanna was really sweet. -Vanna was so nice.

Hi, beautiful.

Hi, baby.

Just soda. It'll dry soon and leave a little stain.

God, you're a pig.

I love it. I want you, Al.

Travel the world with me.

Make love to me the way that only you can.

-Excuse me, I-- -Get out!

-You have a lovely home. -Yeah, right.

Enough meaningless girl small-talk.

Tell her about the legend of Al Bundy.

Tell them about O.C.D.

One Cool Dude.

Al, you have a disgusting piece of cheese on your chin.

Everything tastes better from Al's mouth.

Catch me, Bud, I think I'm gonna faint.

Okay, Kel.

I'll put this as plainly as I can.

I've still got the hots for the big lug...

...and I want to buy him from you.

It was fun having Sam. Sam was fun.

Sam Kinison. He was great. That was fun.

Remember the day--? He didn't arrive one day?

So the next day, he felt so bad he sent...

-Belly dancers. -...belly dancers and had lunch catered.

Yeah. He gave us all nightsticks, didn't he?

Yeah. And that was my first episode.

I thought it was always like that around here.

Hey, buddy, you all right?

Come on, let's get up.

There you are.

You're okay.

You're gonna be fine.

Well, thanks, buddy.

-Who are you? -I'm a guardian angel.

Matter of fact, I'm looking for an Al Bundy.

-Do you know an Al Bundy? -I'm Al Bundy.

No!

What are you doing to me?

Just gotta give me a minute with this, Bundy.

I thought I was here to save a human soul.

Make a wish. Anything off the top of your head. Just say it.

Make my Christmas lights work.

Hey, that's amazing.

You are an angel.

Can I have another? You're supposed to get three, aren't you?

Hey, don't be a wish pig, Bundy, all right?

-You wanted three wishes, get a genie. -Just give me one more.

Turn the lights back off and give me the Hee Haw girls.

I've been-- I've been sitting around waiting for them to die myself.

Bundy, we're gonna take a little trip.

Just like you wondered, I'll show you what it would be like...

...if you'd never been born. Let's party.

Peg, it's me...

...and my angel.

She doesn't know you're there, Bundy. Just like when you're having sex.

It's Daddy.

-Oh, family. -Oh, Daddy.

Dear heart.

Well, how about joining me in a "Whoa, Jablonski"?

Whoa, Jablonski.

What do we do next?

Go back in time to the day I should have been conceived...

...and watch my father invent the condom?

I'm sorry, Bundy, I failed you.

I was supposed to show you why you should live and I can't think of one darn reason.

I guess I'll never get my wings now.

God, I'm depressed.

Well, that's better.

Well, there you have it. Our favorite episodes.

We hope you had as much fun watching them as we did making them.

-Good night, everybody. -Good night.