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The Bowery, the Bowery.

They say such things and they do such things.

On the Bowery, the Bowery

I'll never go there any more.

My Daddy's on the engine.

But don't you be afraid.

Daddy knows what he's doing.

Replied the little maid.

We'll soon be out of danger.

Oh, don't you ever fear.

Everyone is safe because.

My Dad's the engineer.

Hey, hey, gimme a match, will you, please?

You're coming to the right place!

You're all right!

Say, listen, there's the finest table in the city!

I am a stylist,

and I'm gonna make you look like a Beau Brummell.

And here I have a some solid gold collar buttons.

- All that gold? - Better than gold.

- Who's next! Who's next? - We're all there.

Here we are, folks.

I've got a genuine fireproof celluloid collar!

Genuine fireproof celluloid...

Hey, get that guy!

When Irish eyes are smiling...

Hello, Chuck!

Hello, there, Ike. Hi.

In the lilt of Irish laughter.

How do you like that, Mr. Connors?

Perfect, me lad, perfect.

When Irish eyes are happy.

All the world seems bright and gay...

Give me the derby, sir.

I takes care of that meself personally.

when Irish eyes are smiling.

Thank you very much, Mr. Connors.

Thank you very much.

For they steal your heart away.

Swipesy!

Swipes!

Now wait a minute. Hold your horses.

What's this all about?

Aw, go on, go on, go on.

Go on. I'll take care of this guy.

Now listen here, Swipesy,

you gotta stop throwing them rocks

at them Chinamen's windows

or I'm gonna have to throw you out.

You can go right back to the gutter

where I picked you up at,

eating out of them garbage cans

and sleeping in the gutters

and hiding in the cellars

from them orphan asylum coppers.

But, Chuck, it was only a chink's window.

I know, but a window's a window.

You know, when I picked you up,

you told me that you'd be the right kind of a guy with me.

I got a reputation down here.

Me friends don't want to see me be followed about

by a little punk that's always throwing rocks through windows.

It ain't refined.

Now stop it and be a good boy.

Come on.

Hey, who done that?

Steve Brodie was passing by here,

and the guys dared him

to heave a rotten mushmelon at your name.

You know, Steve Brodie never takes a dare.

He did, did he?

Well, someday that four-flusher will take a dare

that'll land him in the morgue with a lily on his chest.

He might.

- Hey, Chuck. - Yeah?

- Stake me? - Sure.

Half a buck.

Thanks, pal.

Hi, Mr. Connors.

Could I talk to you?

See me later, Bo.

See me later. Later.

- Hello, Chuck! - Oh! Hi! Hi!

Hello, gang. Oh, hi!

How you doing?

Come on! The drinks are on the house!

Come on, everybody.

Hey!

Hi, Chuck!

A sweet tuxedo girl you see.

A queen of swell society.

Fond of fun as fond can be.

When it's on the strict Q.T.

I'm not too old, I'm not too young.

Not too timid, not too bold.

Just the kind you'd like to hold.

Just the kind for sport I'm told.

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Lookit, Chuck.

I traded cigarette pictures with the Guinea kids.

I gave 'em Maggie Kline and P.T. Barnum

for Frankie, Billy and Lillian Russell.

- Yeah? - Ain't they pips?

Aw, you're too young to be lookin' at those things.

Why don't you get pictures of Buffalo Bill and Jake Kilrain

and Phil Muldoon and those boys, huh?

Aw, they ain't good-looking like the skirts.

Yeah, get your mind off the skirts.

They're worse than the booze is.

They fill you full of hot air,

and all they want is your spondoolicks.

Remember what I always tells you?

This is a man's world.

This is a man's world.

Never believe in women.

There's none of 'em on the up and up.

Am I right?

- Right. - Right.

Why, there's Chuck.

Hey, Chuck!

Hey, Chucksy!

Come on. You and me is gonna done

what we left off last night.

Hey, get outta here.

Can't you see I'm busy, you gas bag?

Get outta here.

Say, you can't get rid of me, you big bull moose.

Ain't you the sweet one?

I could just eat you alive, you big bear, you.

Tryin' to high-hat me

after what you done to me in Tony Pastor's gallery.

And maybe you don't remember that day at Fort George.

See? What did I tell you about them crows?

They're all just the same.

They're as nutty as fruitcake.

You get me?

Sure thing, Chuck.

Go on. Time for you to go on home.

Now your time's up.

And don't go roamin' around, you understand?

Oh, but, Chuck, I promised to stop by Nigger Joe's.

What have I told you about that coon?

And no throwing any more rocks at that Chinese laundry.

Them chinks are me friends. 23-skidoo.

Aw, I won't stop at Joe's, Chuck,

but, please, just once

let me throw just one little rock at the chinks.

Aw, come on, please.

Just one little one. Come on.

All right, just one.

Heave just one. That's all.

Gee, Chuck, you're all mustard!

Oh, stop that!

People'll think I'm your mother.

Now go on home and straighten up the joint.

It looked crummy this morning.

And throw them cats outta there, too.

That's my kid, hmm?

Thanks.

Can I speak to you a minute, Chuck?

Certainly, if you're not tongue-tied.

I was thinking I'd like to join your fire brigade.

Yeah?

I wanna get on the right brigade.

I looked 'em all over and picked yours.

You did? Well, say, listen,

everybody wants to get on the Chuck Connors' fire brigade.

Why, we've got a waiting list as high as that Brooklyn Bridge.

Well, if you ain't taking nobody,

I could join Steve Brodie's outfit.

Hey, listen. Don't mention that pot's name around here.

Anybody can get into Steve Brodie's fire brigade.

Chuck Connors picks his men personally.

Sure, I know, I know.

That's why I wanna hook up with you, Chuck.

Well, have you got the $200 for the joiner?

I can pay me way.

I know you're pretty fast with your dukes,

but can you take it?

Can I? Say, I been knuckle-dusting for years.

So you can stand the gaff, huh?

Any time.

Stick it out.

Perfect, me lad, perfect!

Go on over to the fire headquarters

and get your helmet.

Hey, Chuck, Steve Brodie's on his way up here.

Yeah?

Well, let him come.

His mazuma's just the same as anybody else's.

Jack is the king of the deep blue sea

Jack is as brave as the brave can be.

He's the boy the girls adore.

Oh, what fun when Jack's ashore.

For he is the fellow makes things hum.

Oh, how they sigh when they see him come.

Loaded down with gold so bright.

Welcome home, Jack, you're all right.

Strike up the band, here comes the sailor.

Cash in his hand just off the whaler.

Stand in a row, don't let him go

Jack's a cinch, but every inch a sailor.

Strike up the band, here comes the sailor.

Cash in his hand just off the whaler.

Stand in a row, don't let him go

Jack's a cinch, but every inch a sailor.

Hi, kids.

Hiya. Hiya, pal.

Evening, Mr. Connors.

Pleasure to see your happy smiling face again.

None of your lip or I'll...

What's eating you, Chuck?

So you're goin' back to your kindergarten days again,

throwing mushmelons.

I had to do it, Chuck.

A gink dares me to hit the "o" in Connors

on your front window.

You know me.

I couldn't take a dare, could I?

So I takes the mushmelon?

And I wins the bet.

Two Nelly Blyes. Here's your share.

Don't ever say I never give you nothin'.

Let's sashay, Trixie.

I got you, Steve.

You devil, you.

There's a big fire on Mount Street!

There's a big fire on Mount Street!

All members of the Chuck Connors fire brigade

report to headquarters at once!

Steve Brodie volunteers, come on!

Here you are.

Come on, Connors! You better get going!

Yeah? I bet you $100 I throw the first hose on that fire!

You're on!

What started the fire?

Some guy threw a rock through the chink's window

and busted the lamp.

Up she goes.

Here comes Steve Brodie's brigade, boys.

Here comes Steve Brodie!

- Steve Brodie wins! - Steve Brodie's boys!

- Here comes Steve! - Three cheers for Steve!

Hooray! Hooray!

Come on, you guys!

Chuck, come here!

Hey! I thought I told you to go home, you hoodlum!

I'm saving a hydrant for you!

Where? Get off of it!

Come on! Let's get on this tie-up here!

Go on! Get on there! Let's go!

Hey, you lay off that! I got here first!

Yeah? Well, put out that fire!

In the name of the law, stop!

Hi, Steve.

Hiya, Slick.

I got something rich for you, Steve.

Yeah?

I know a guy that hates Chuck Connors

the same way you do.

Yeah?

This guy has got a little pill, see.

And for the right mazuma,

he'll slip it into Chuck's coffee.

- Where is he? - He's waiting. Come on.

This is Googy Cochran from Jersey City.

Hiya.

I told him about the pills, Googy.

How much you gonna nick me for the job?

500 bucks.

You sure it'll work?

Guaranteed.

Wait a minute. I wanna be sure there's nobody listening.

It's a cinch.

You got the junk with you?

This is stuff we makes ourselves.

Now let me get this straight.

For 500 bucks,

you're willing to put Connors under the daisies?

- That's it. - Why, you...

Don't ever say I never give you nothin'.

Here, look at that.

Oh...

Read it, read it, read it.

Read all about me. Me eyes are tired.

Yeah?

Well, if it ain't Little Boy Blue.

Where's your horn?

I'm here on business.

I got another match for your Bloody Butch.

Yeah, well, any time, any place, anybody.

500 bucks says I got the boy

that can wipe up the floor with him.

It's a bet, it's a bet.

Just name the time and place.

How about right here Saturday night?

Swell. You can bury your man on Sunday.

Give me the cash.

Here's the bet.

Witness here 500 a side.

Chuck Connors' Bloody Butch against Steve Brodie's...

Who's your man, Steve?

You can call him the Masked Marvel.

The Masked Marvel?

What's the matter, is he ashamed to show his face?

Not at all, not at all.

Here you are, Chuck.

Don't ever say I never give you nothin'.

Thanks, Brodie.

I'll smoke me own.

Here you are, Chuck.

Remember, don't ever say I never give you nothin'.

Quiet...!

Quiet!

Gentlemen of the Fourth Ward and their friends,

in this corner,

we have the well-known Fourth Ward boy,

Chuck Connors!

Attaboy, Chuck!

Presenting his undefeated protégé, Bloody Butch!

Knock him out, Butch.

And in this corner,

another well-known Fourth Ward boy,

Steve Brodie!

Presenting a man we know nothin' about,

but who looks like a worthy contestant

known as the Masked Marvel!

Here you go.

I warn youse punks, no hitting below the belt

and no biting or kicking in the clinches.

Butch, if you so much as sink a tooth in his ear,

I'll lay you out myself.

Are you ready?

Come on, get in there.

Come on there, Butch.

Come on, get up! Get up!

One, two, three,

four, five, six...

Get up, you big lummox!

No use counting no more! He's out for the night!

Hey, who is this guy?

Pull off his mask and I'll fight him meself!

Allow me to introduce the Boston strong boy,

John L. Sullivan!

What's your name?

Lucy Calhoun.

Lucy Calhoun. That's a pretty name.

You have everything you need?

We'll take her down to Macy's

and buy her up.

- Hello, Connors. - Hello, Chuck.

Hey, were you ever in this joint before?

No. No, sir.

Go on and roll your hoop someplace else!

- Oh, what's the big idea? - Aw, sit down.

Come on, get outta there. Get outta there. Come on.

I haven't done anything wrong.

These gentlemen said they were gonna help me find a job.

Help you?

Yeah. Go on.

Roll your hoop. Roll your hoop.

Well, I didn't know.

- Go on, lady. - I'm sorry.

Go on, sit down! Now stay where you are!

You're gonna stay right there until she gets in the clear.

And, listen, it's all right

for you to spend your mazuma around here,

but don't go trying to hook no new girls outta this joint.

I know what your traffic is and what you're up to.

I don't wanna get mixed with the law, see?

Drink your slops. It's paid for.

Hi, baby.

I love you as I never loved before.

Never loved before.

When first I met you on the village green.

On the village green...

- Hey, Chuck? - Yeah?

Oh, here's a half a yard for you.

Oh, it's you, huh?

Mr. Connors, I want to thank you.

I've been waiting all night to thank you.

That's nothin', that's nothin'.

But it meant a great deal to me.

You see, I was looking for work,

and those men said they had a job for me.

Yeah, what a job.

You're the only one that's been really kind.

I wonder if you'd help me?

Oh, no. I ain't got no time for the girls.

Can you dance?

Let's see your shape.

I can't dance, but I'll scrub floors.

I'll do anything.

You see me tomorrow. See me tomorrow.

Please, Mr. Connors.

You don't know what this means to me.

Hey, have you got any place to flop?

- Flop? - Yeah, sleep.

Oh. I'm ashamed to say so, but I haven't.

Well, your story sounds phony to me,

but I'll take a chance that you're on the up and up.

Come on, skirt.

Rye or bourbon?

No, thank you. I don't drink.

That's me spare boudoir for the guests.

You'll find a lot of blankets in the bottom drawer there.

Be sure and turn out that gas,

or the joint will go up like a firecracker.

Gee, I been looking for that thing for a month.

Hey, there's a strange skirt out there.

Oh...

What's the idea

of crashing in on me in the middle of the night?

A skirt?

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

Some dame without dough,

and I dragged her in for the night.

Yeah? Well, we don't want no hairpins here.

The way she's walkin' around our dig,

you'd think she owned the joint.

Oh, don't worry.

Forget about it, forget about it.

We'll slip her a buck and give her the breeze.

Say, the place looks perfect.

I didn't recognize it.

I hope you don't mind.

I got your breakfast too.

Swell.

Go get some duds on.

You know better than to come in here like that.

Go on! Get 'em on.

I'll be right back in a minute.

Oh, those cats go outta here today.

Here, you're drowning yourself in that sausage.

Stop that! Don't do that when she's around, yeah?

Ain't you got no manners?

What's your name?

- Lucy Calhoun. - Lucy Calhoun.

Say, Chuck, ain't you forgot something?

How about that buck and the breeze?

Eat your mush.

That's my buck, and I'll do with it what I wants to.

Yeah, too much, too.

Where you from?

Albany.

Albany. Mm-mm.

And what you doin' here?

Well, you see, my family had an idea

that I ought to teach school.

I wanted to get someplace in the world, be somebody.

I always wanted to write.

Be a novelist, you know.

When I first came here, I worked in a book shop.

Then it closed.

My money ran out.

The night before last, I slept in Union Square.

Then yesterday I met those two men.

They offered me something to eat,

so I didn't realize what they were until you...

I can't let it lick me like this.

I got to get a job someplace today.

Oh, that's all right.

You got a job already.

Oh, rats!

You mean you'll let me work here?

- Sure. Why not? - Oh.

That's all right.

We got a landlady.

She comes up about once a week,

but her cooking ain't no Delmonico's.

And the joint always looks crummy... looks fierce always.

Why, Mr. Connors, I hardly know what to say.

How about that buck and the breeze?

Pipe down, pipe down.

We'll pay you what it's worth,

and you can have your eats here with us.

Well, I gotta fix you up now.

I know.

Swipesy, you move your trash out of the bedroom there

and you can sleep in here on the sofa.

But his room? I couldn't...

Oh, think nothin' of it.

Think nothin' of it!

Why, he likes to sleep in here on the sofa.

He's always asking me if he can.

Ain't you, Swipes?

You know, Chuck, you're a great guy,

and you knows I'm your pal.

But sometimes you sound like you're full of hop.

What kind of talk is that? What kind of talk is that?

Are you going to be a gentleman to this lady or ain't you?

Don't pay no attention to him, miss.

Just go ahead and make yourself to home

and clean up the... well, you know what to do.

I gotta go over to Brooklyn to the brewery.

I got to see a guy.

You don't need to get any supper

until you hear from me, huh?

Goodbye, Mr. Connors.

You don't need to call me Mr. Connors, Lucy.

Just call me Chuck.

Uh-oh.

Oh!

Hello, Swipes.

Hey, lamp this.

Aw, I seen that.

Hey, what about the eats?

I don't know.

You don't know? Where's Lucy?

I don't know.

Hey, I'm asking you, where is she?

Maybe she flew the coop.

What?

I ain't seen her around.

Why, that's funny.

Maybe she threw down the job.

You know, skirts don't like dish-washing for a steady thing.

Yeah, but she wouldn't go away without saying something.

You said never to trust a skirt.

They're never on the up and up.

You said so, didn't you?

Why, that's her hat and coat.

Say...

Come on now. Where is she?

How do I know?

I don't worry about girls.

This is a man's world.

Skirts is all nutty like a fruitcake.

You said so yourself.

Where's that key?

Hey! What...

What the...

Why, you...

So that's the kind of a kid you are, huh?

The minute me back is turned,

you pull a dirty trick, don't you?

Yeah, and I'd do it again with pleasure.

You would, would you?

Oh, he didn't mean anything wrong.

He was just playing. All boys are like that.

You keep outta this. We don't want you here.

You might as well put that in your pipe and smoke it.

You stop that!

You want me to tan your little hide for you?

Now you go ahead and apologize to the lady.

Take it back now.

I ain't gonna apologize

to no skirt you picked off the corner.

Well, that's the finish.

- You come here. - Chuck!

You know better than to say that to her, don't you?

Oh, Chuck!

Chuck, stop it!

Are you going to do that anymore? Huh?

Now what do you got to say for yourself?

The whipping didn't hurt, Chuck.

You couldn't hurt nobody.

It's just that you had to go and do it in front of her.

Please go and tell him you're sorry.

Oh, no. He'll be all right.

I'll let him throw a couple of rocks at the chinks, that's all.

I wouldn't for the world come between you two.

You're such good friends.

Aw, don't you worry.

He and me's had fights before.

Sure. You know, I ain't gonna let him

get fresh with no lady like you, Lucy.

I gotta make him toe the mark.

I want him to grow up to be a great guy,

and I got to teach him his manners

or he'll grow up to be a bum.

Then everybody'll say that Chuck Connors is no good

because the kid ain't no gentleman.

I got a reputation to think about,

and that means a lot down here on this Bowery.

And I want that kid to mean a lot, too, see?

I want him to be a big, fine...

Hey, Swipes, what's the idea?

Chuck! Go get him, quick!

Aw, that's all right.

He's my boy.

He's my Swipesy. He'll be back.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

Thanks.

Hey, wait a minute! Where you going?

Come on, Trixie, be a good little girl.

It's getting late in the morning.

You have to go home. Come on.

- No, no, no. - Come on. Come on.

Why don't you be a lady and go home?

Whee!

How do you like that? Hey!

Come on, get in the cab there!

Come on, I've had enough of this.

Come on, get in there.

Do you love me?

Sure, I love you. Certainly I love you.

Drive around the block until she sobers up,

then drop her off at the Aquarium.

- Ain't she got a husband? - That's your worry.

Ta-ra-ra Boom de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!

Ta-ra-ra...

Well, well, if it ain't Swipes.

What are you doin' around here?

Oh, hello, Steve.

I didn't know this was your joint.

I had to sleep somewheres.

I thought you were living with Chuck.

Oh, him and me are still friends,

but we had a little argument.

Hmm, you don't tell me.

Yeah. He kicked me out for a skirt.

Hmm, one of the girls from the joint?

No. This is one he picked up off the street.

Oh.

Well, there's no sense in sleeping around here.

Come on. You can move in with me.

I got plenty of room.

Oh, no, thanks, Steve. I couldn't do that.

Come on. I got a nice feather bed,

and it's nice and warm.

Well, can I bring me cat?

Sure thing. Say, I'm crazy about cats.

And I always liked you too, Swipes,

even if you was Chuck's pal.

Come on, let's hit the hay, huh?

I just dropped by to see Chuck.

I'm sorry, but he's not here.

Oh, that's all right. I'll wait.

But he might be gone until evening.

Well, if he don't come back soon,

I can leave a note, can't I?

You know, me and Chuck's old pals.

Funny I ain't never seen you before.

Well, I've only been working for Mr. Connors a short while.

Working?

Oh, yeah.

They calls it by another name in my neighborhood.

You said you wanted to write a note?

Sure.

I got to hand it to Chuck.

He's got better taste than I thought.

- Please! - Aw, don't get sore.

I just wanna be good friends with you, that's all.

You're Chuck's girl, and Chuck is my pal.

There's no harm in that, is there?

You let me go.

Come on. Slip Stevie a little kiss.

You dirty, little...

You got teeth like a tiger.

What's the big rush?

We're even, ain't we?

You bit me and I took a sock at you.

There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

Let me alone! Let me out of here!

Calm down, calm down.

I promise I won't hit you again.

That is, if you don't bite me.

I wouldn't hit a girl like you,

but I thought you were the other kind.

How is a guy supposed to know?

They almost look alike sometimes.

And now I'm gonna tell you the truth.

I didn't come up here to see Connors.

I wanted to see you.

I thought you and Chuck was...

Well, you know.

And Chuck and me ain't the pals like I said.

When I can put something over on him, I does.

I figured if I could move in on him with you,

I could give him the big horse laugh.

Gee, I'm sorry, lady.

Whew.

You know, that's the longest speech

I ever made in my life.

I'm sorry about your hand.

Oh, forget about it. That's nothin'.

I can fix it right up.

All over the floor. Can you beat it?

Look, if you only got a job here

and you ain't stuck on Chuck,

there's no reason why you and I

can't be good friends, is there?

Sure, there ain't.

Hold still, please.

We could go out sometime, couldn't we?

Just you and me?

You'd better go.

Right now, if you please.

But I'm gonna see you again, ain't I?

I'm sure I don't know.

Well, then I'll call you up on the telephone.

I wouldn't even know your name.

Pardon me. I forgot.

Why, I'm Steve Brodie.

You heard of me, ain't you?

No.

Gee.

Well, anyway, I'll call you up, lady.

How are you?

Gee, you ain't still sore at me, are you?

Oh, we ain't gonna let nothin' come between you and me.

She's a swell girl, Swipes.

Honest, she is.

Oh, by the way, your cat's got kittens again.

Four he's and seven she's.

That's...

Me friends and me's gonna give a picnic,

and we're goin' down to the beach.

You come on and go along, and then we'll go back home,

you and me together, huh?

Gee, it's wonderful here, ain't it?

Mm-hmm.

You know, I been battin' around

with all the tramps and good time Charlies so long,

it seems like a dream being out with anybody like you, Lucy.

And it sure took a lot of nerve

telling you I loved you

and expecting you to believe it.

You do believe it, don't you?

Yes, Steve.

And you love me, too?

Of course I do.

Then what's worrying you, honey bunch?

You know.

- Chuck, eh? - Mm-hmm.

What are you worried about a guy like that for?

Well, I wouldn't want to hurt him.

He's been so good to me.

Well, you gotta think of yourself, too.

Are we gonna go on like this forever,

always going places so people can't see us?

- Steve? - Yeah.

You don't mind if I ask you something, do you?

No.

How do you make your money?

Gambling.

But isn't that against the law?

Sure, but what of it?

Maybe the law's wrong.

You don't think keeping a saloon is better.

It's honest.

Well, I'll be keeping a saloon one of these days.

A big one, too. Bigger than Connors'.

Why is it that you two are such great enemies?

Because we both want the same things.

You, for instance.

You know, I believe if Chuck knew I was in love with you,

he'd kill us both.

Yeah? What do you think I'd be doing?

- How does it fit, Chuck? - Perfect, me lad, perfect!

Look it over, will ya?

All right. Wait a second here.

Let's go down where the bathing beauties are! Come on!

Okay! Gentlemen of the Fourth Ward, line up!

All right!

Brodie. Steve.

Well, well, if it ain't Mr. Herman.

How is the big brewer from uptown?

Say, we was looking all over for you.

Oh, this is my partner, Mr. Rummel.

Let's take a little walk down the stem.

We'd like to have a few words with you on the Q.T., huh?

Sure.

You see, the problem with the brewery...

That is what bothers us.

Our beer is not represented on the Bowery.

We are closed out on all sides.

You see, Mr. Brodie,

we brew the best lager beer in the United States,

but the Ace Brewery people have everything rolled up tight.

Now, next to Chuck Connors,

you are the most popular man on the street.

What do you mean, next to Connors?

Say, I can put it over on that hooligan

at anything from women to vinegar.

If you could only do something

that would bring your name into prominence.

Say, I've been in the Police Gazette, ain't I?

Yes, yes, yes, but we mean something important.

Headlines in the papers.

The whole town talking about you.

Something that would make people run to patronize

any place that had your name over the door.

You see, Mr. Brodie, if you could build yourself up,

we would open up a saloon with your name

in letters you could read from here over to Brooklyn.

Brooklyn?

Brooklyn Bridge.

Yes, but it would have to be something spectacular.

Something sensational.

That's just what I been waiting for.

You see that bridge?

Yeah.

Well, I thought about it lots of times

looking at it out of my window.

They calls it the eighth wonder of the world.

People come from everywhere just to look at it.

If a guy jumped off that bridge,

the whole world would know about it.

You mean, you'll jump off from the Brooklyn Bridge?

Why not? You said you wanted

something spectacular, didn't you?

Yes, but you couldn't do that and live, could you?

Well, you can't name a saloon after a dead man, can you?

We want to get our lager planted down here,

but it isn't worth killing a man to do it.

Leave it to me, Mr. Herman.

I'll take the chance.

Now let's get this thing straight.

I bet you that you ain't got the nerve

to go through with your boast

and jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, right?

Right. And if I makes the jump,

I become the sole owner and proprietor

of this saloon, right?

It's a bet.

And if you croak, we'll bury you free.

Come on, boys. Let's get outta this joint.

I'm beginning to itch.

Don't get personal.

No hard feelings, Chuck.

Here. Don't ever say I never give you nothin'.

Still trying to be funny, ain't you, huh?

Oh!

Steve Brodie, he gonna jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Aw, he'll kill himself.

Steve's gonna jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

All right, champ, let's go!

- I bet he does. - I'll bet he don't!

- I bet he does. - Put up or shut up!

It's agin' the law!

Get a statement from Brodie.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

He ain't got a Chinaman's chance.

I got a hunch he'll make it.

I'll bet you the devil breaks his neck.

Brodie should make the jump, not me.

Brooklyn Bridge!

Just a bozo, but I hope he makes it.

If he makes it, he's famous!

I'm telling you, it's the talk of the town!

Please, Steve, please.

If you really love me, don't do it.

Everybody says you'll be killed.

Why, if I thought it would hurt you in the least,

I wouldn't even think of it.

Now be a good girl and promise me not to worry.

I loves you more than ever,

and it won't be long

before we're treading the light fantastic together

right in the open

with no Connors to worry about.

Well, of course, Steve,

if you're perfectly sure everything will be all right.

Yes, of course, I do.

I miss you, too.

Did you get that, honey?

Don't ever say I never give you nothin'.

Bye.

Hey, Steve Brodie, take a look at yourself.

Now get this in your bean.

Nobody knows about this but us three.

It's a good thing you can't talk, Mumbo.

And if anything goes wrong,

you won't be able to hear, neither.

I'll cut off your ears and make you eat 'em.

Well, what's gonna happen to... well, you know who I mean.

After you wins the bet and takes his joint away from him?

You told me you were finished with him, didn't you?

You told me you didn't like him no more.

Well, I was just wondering, that's all.

Well, tomorrow, I'll be in Chuck's shoes

and he'll be in mine,

and, boy, how they'll pinch him.

Yeah, come on. Let's get outta here.

Get that blanket.

All right. Come on, boys.

We only got a half an hour.

Let's get this funeral over with, huh?

Suppose he don't jump?

Aw, we'll bury him anyway.

Here's your spyglass, chief.

Come on!

Get right in those carriages. Sit right down.

Thank you.

Get right in. Let's get to going here.

Chuck! Chuck!

What's eating on you?

Carrie Nation is on the warpath.

She just made mincemeat outta McGurk's saloon

and she's headed this way.

Aw, she won't bother me.

She knows enough not to fool with Chuck Connors.

That's where you're all wrong.

She said she was gonna chop up Suicide Hall

and then come down here.

Better stay right here, Chuck.

It'll take kid gloves to handle that old battleax.

All right. You go ahead.

And when he jumps, hand him that and an anchor.

Go ahead.

Go on.

Holy gee! I been waiting five years

to see that mulligan cook in his own stew,

and now I has to miss it.

I'll be waiting under that first pillar.

Now, don't take any chances.

Stay in the bottom of the cab

until you get to the place where I showed you.

Then throw the dummy with all your might.

The coppers are watching both ends of the bridge,

and if anybody asks you where you're going,

tell 'em your grandmother is sick in Canarsie.

Here. You take care of my derby.

- Good luck, Steve. - All right, Swipes.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

Hey, Steve, Steve! The dummy's gone!

What do you mean?

Somebody's copped it! We can't find it!

Mumbo's been looking all over the warehouse for it.

What?

What did you do with it, you rat?

Spit it out, or I'll kill you!

He didn't know, Steve, honest. There was somebody else!

Somebody got hip to us and copped it!

We're for you, Steve.

Congratulations, Steve.

We know you can do it alive.

Get on your ted, dummy. We're on our way.

Steve, you can't do it! You wouldn't dare!

Dare? Listen, Swipes,

nobody could ever say that Steve Brodie never took a dare.

But the cops will stop you!

You'll get pinched!

I gotta take the chance.

Tack yourself onto the end of that procession,

and step on it.

Supposin' he doesn't get killed, Papa?

Then we wasted the whole day for nothing.

Eh.

Jump, Steve!

Jump so we can bury you!

Hey, if I wanted to commit suicide,

I'd pick something easier than that.

- How many? - Three, including the hearse.

A dollar and a quarter.

Go ahead.

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

All right, go ahead, go ahead.

Aw, poor fella. Go ahead.

How many carriages did he say?

Three carriages including the hearse.

I counted four.

- You sure? - Yeah.

It's a frame-up! It's Brodie!

There he is now.

He made it! He made it!

What's all the whistles?

You ain't heard nothin' yet!

Look! Here comes Carrie Nation!

Stand aside, you son of Satan!

Hey, listen, this place is on the level.

This is a working man's club.

This ain't no saloon.

Oh, out of my way, you viper.

He done it! He made the jump!

Ladies, you're absolutely right.

I'm converted. I'm a hypocrite.

Down with demon rum!

Down with liquor!

Do your duty!

Help yourselves, ladies! Help yourselves!

Ah, she's finished!

You like, eh, Steve?

The bridge is all right, but how about me?

Make me bigger. Make me bigger.

But it would make you all out of perspective.

Well, who made the jump, me or perspective?

And what is your name, my good little man?

Buster Brown.

Well, if it ain't John L.

Wait a minute.

A toast, everybody,

to Steve Brodie, the king of the Bowery!

- Speech! - Speech!

-Speech! -Speech!

Give a speech.

Ladies and gents, I ain't much on the gab,

but all I want to say is this.

The next time, instead of jumping off the bridge,

I'm gonna jump over it!

Hey, Steve! Lookit, Steve!

The battleship "Maine"

has just been blown up in Havana Harbor!

Hey, extra's out! Hey, extra, extra!

Army regulars leave for Cuba! Extra!

A special extra here!

McKinley asks for volunteers!

I can get me feet on the ground

if you just give me a chance.

We depended on you to put over our beer,

and you failed.

Brodie made a fool out of you.

Oh, I can come back. I know I can.

You can't draw flies. You're through.

Aw, listen, you can't let me down like that.

Why, all I own is just the clothes on me back.

If you had one-tenth of the money that you lost gambling,

you could own your own saloon.

Hey, that guy is some junkie, ain't he?

10 to one for our dough.

Hi, fellas. How's you doing, huh?

All right.

Extra! Read all about it!

War declared with Spain! Extra! Extra!

Extra! Extra! McKinley asks for volunteers.

Extra! Extra!

Oh, there's no use crying over spilt milk, Lucy.

I'm through. I know it.

I got to keep moving.

If I stick around here, why, I'd go loony.

Oh, Chuck, don't talk like that.

You make me feel as if I brought you bad luck.

Nobody ever brought me bad luck but meself.

I'm sorry for one thing, that I can't leave you fixed right.

But a bloke like me never saves nothin'.

But this'll kind of take care of you.

Oh, no, Chuck.

Oh, that's all right, Lucy. That's all right.

Chuck, I can't let you go like this.

I can't.

Lucy, never tie yourself

to a guy that's on the downgrade.

Extra edition! Extra!

Volunteers needed to go to Cuba!

Sign your name on that line in full.

That's me mark.

Me name's Chuck Connors,

but everybody knows me by that mark.

Do you wanna go to Cuba?

Oh, I wanna go anyplace but the Bowery.

You're in the Army now.

Report here tomorrow morning at 10 A.M.

for your uniform and equipment.

- Right here? - Right here.

What's your name?

Lou Keel.

Sign this line here, right here.

- Did you enlist? - Yeah.

So did I. Boy, we'll clean 'em up!

They can't get away with sinking the "Maine."

We'll teach 'em a lesson they'll never forget, won't we?

Who's we fightin'?

Be forgot.

And never brought to mind.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot.

And days of auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear.

For auld lang syne.

We'll take a cup of kindness yet.

For auld lang syne.

Holy gee.

Swipesy.

Swipesy.

Chuck, how's we doing?

Perfect, me lad. Perfect, perfect.

Is you back with me now?

Oh, Chuck, I was never really mad at you,

not for keeps anyway.

I ain't got much of a place here.

It ain't no palace.

But with you with me, why, it's swell.

Oh, we won't be here long, Chuck.

Why, we're goin' right back up on top of the ladder.

They could never...

Yeah, but what about that Steve Brodie

that you was with?

He's the tops of the Bowery now.

Oh, he's a good guy, but you know how fellas are.

When you and I were just alone and we was doing good,

well, it didn't make much difference then.

But now that you're sort of down and out

and you ain't the big boss no more,

it didn't seem fair to me to stay away from you.

Oh, gee whiz.

It's like I'm going right back.

I can get right back up on top now that you're with me.

They think they've got me licked,

but they're all wrong.

Aw, I can help you in a lot of ways, lots of ways.

Now that war's declared,

I been selling more papers than I can carry.

Swipes, I done gone and done it.

Done what?

I joined the Army! I'm a soldier!

I got a war on me hands!

Maybe they'll make you general or something, huh?

Yeah, but I can't do that now that we're back together

and I'm just gonna start climbing for the top.

Me luck has changed.

You stay here, Swipesy. I'll go back down there,

and I'll tell 'em what they can do with this thing.

You clean up the joint.

I'll be right back, son.

So long.

Hey, Chuck, we've been looking for you...

- Wait a minute! - I have some big news for you.

Yeah? Well, I ain't got no time to waste with you guys.

Step on the brakes. This is important.

Yeah. Steve Brodie took your saloon away from you, didn't he?

Yeah, well, what of it?

What if we was to tell you

he never jumped off that bridge at all?

Well, I'd tell you that you had rats in your belfry.

All right. Did you see him jump?

No, but all me friends, they saw him jump.

Well, you come with us,

and we'll show you something that'll make your hair stand up.

Yeah, but they saw him all standing on that bridge...

Yeah, but all the gang, they saw him in the water.

Honest Mike and all of those guys, they wouldn't lie.

Seeing him in the water ain't seeing him go off the bridge.

What do you mean?

This is what made the jump.

And that guy took the dummy in his cab

and threw it off the bridge.

Why, that guy framed me.

Why, the yellow-bellied double-crosser!

I'll get even with him for this!

Why, I'll kill that guy!

And that is the end of Mr. Steve Brodie.

- Get him outta here! - Take him!

What's going on here?

What's going on here?

You dirty thief!

You welcher!

You stole this place from me,

and now you're going to give it back!

Aw, you're crazy.

You didn't jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

You didn't jump off of nothin'.

I'll show you what jumped off of Brooklyn Bridge.

This is what jumped off of Brooklyn Bridge.

Don't believe him, boys. It's a lie.

You know I made the jump. You seen me, didn't you?

Yeah, right.

You guys keep outta this.

Me and Brodie will settle this alone.

Any time, any place. Name it.

The sooner, the better.

Tonight at 12:30 on Grogan's Barge at the river.

I'll be there.

We're with you, Steve.

All right. Come on. Let's break it up.

Eight to five, eight to five, eight to five on Steve Brodie!

Now, boys, I've seen him fight. I know what he can do.

He uses his head. He uses his right.

He uses his left. He uses his feet.

He uses everything but his teeth.

Now who's gonna place a bet, eh, gentlemen?

- 30 smackers on Steve. - 30 smackers on Steve.

- What's your name? - John Baron.

John Baron, 30 smackers on Steve.

Who's gonna place a bet?

I know the other guy. He's a big hunk of meat.

He's got the brawns, but he ain't got the brains.

Here's a pair of brass knucks.

Chuck won't know the difference.

I won't need 'em.

I can lick him fair and square.

The poor chump's all in. He's through.

I got it on him in the speed, the wind and the noodle.

A few socks and it'll be all over.

Here he comes.

How are you, has-been?

I'll see you when I get back.

Don't do it, Chuck. Please, don't.

That wasn't no fake. I seen him do it! Don't.

I'm fixing him for good this time.

I'll show him. The welcher.

Come on, come on.

Watch my derby. I'll be right back.

Sure, Steve.

Somebody's comin' in the boat!

Who is it?

- It's Steve! - No, it ain't. It's Chuck.

You're wrong, it's Steve. It's Steve Brodie.

It's Chuck!

Chuck?

Anyone wants to know who the toughest guy is on the Bowery,

you tell him to see Chuck Connors.

Three cheers for Chuck Connors!

- Chuck, old boy. - Hey, Chuck.

All the way down the hatch!

I won't be wearing this private's uniform very long.

I'll bet that next week I'm an admiral.

Here's to the Admiral!

Oh, look what somebody sent me.

Nice new box of cigars, huh?

Hey, Souza, play us a tune, will you?

I'm the belle they say of Avenue A.

And you can bet your stuff

I'm mad at myself.

It makes me smile.

To think of me style.

'Cause I'm the belle they say.

Of Avenue A.

You'll see me spill.

With Billy McTill.

He's the bouncer.

And he's loaded with style

I may be gay, what say?

Well, out of me way.

'Cause I'm the belle of Avenue A

I'm the belle they say of Avenue A.

And you can bet your stuff

I'm mad at myself.

It makes me smile.

To think of me style.

'Cause I'm the belle they say of Avenue A.

You'll saw me spill with Billy McTill.

He's the bouncer and he's loaded with style

I may be gay, but say, stay out of his way.

'Cause I'm the belle of Avenue A.

Ladies and gentlemen!

A toast to Chuck Connors!

Ever and ever and ever!

Just a moment.

Now, when the Chuck Connors comes back from Cuba,

me and my partner over here,

we are going to have a big surprise for him.

We are going to build him

the biggest saloon in the world!

A bar 200 feet long

with 40 bartenders

and with gold-plated spittoons!

- Speech, Chuck! - Speech! Speech!

Ladies and gents, this is a pleasure.

This is what I calls perfect.

We're looking for Chuck Connors.

Which one of you is him?

That's me. Pin it on me.

Well, you're under arrest.

For what?

Assault and battery with intent to kill.

Assaulting who?

Steve Brodie.

He was picked up on Grogan's Barge last night half dead.

What?

Why, that rat went and squealed to the coppers.

Come on, you can tell that to the judge.

Oh, what are you giving me?

Come on!

That's all right.

They can't do nothin' with me. I'm in the Army now.

Yeah? Well, you'll be in jail in a couple of hours. Come on.

Pipe down, you fresh guys, or I'll pinch all of you.

Are you sure you're all right?

Of course, I'm all right.

Say, you don't think that guy really licked me, do you?

Well, Steve, I don't know.

What do you mean, you don't know?

Say, I got it on him in the wind, the speed and the noodle.

I was knocking him all over the place.

Steve! Steve!

And if I hadn't slipped, they'd be burying him today.

Oh, Steve, you mustn't get yourself excited. Be quiet.

Why, for a plugged nickel, I'd go out right now

and knock his teeth out.

- Why? No. - Here, here!

You must be quiet, Mr. Brodie.

The doctor hasn't completed his diagnosis yet.

This may be more serious than you realize.

The officers are here now

to have you identify the man that hit you.

Tell 'em to bring him in.

Oh, Steve!

This stuff's the bunk.

Listen, honey, you better wait outside,

and I'll see you in a little while.

Oh, but, please, Steve.

Promise me you won't start it all over again.

You never can tell what I'll do.

Go on. Wait outside.

Run along.

All right.

We haven't finished our examination yet.

He may be suffering from a concussion,

and it'd be dangerous for you people

to go in there and agitate him.

Listen, Doc, I don't know nothin' about agitating.

We're the law,

and he's got to identify this man as his assailant.

Why, suppose he should die?

And if we didn't have identification,

we couldn't hang you, could we?

No, no.

Well, if you insist, go ahead,

but I warn you not to excite him.

Come on, let's get it over with.

Mr. Brodie, the State of New York

has issued a warrant against this man

for assault with intent to kill.

Now, before we can proceed with the indictment,

it'll be necessary for you to identify him as your assailant.

Well, what you waiting for?

Come on. We haven't got all day.

I've never seen the big bag of bologna before in my life.

He don't look strong enough to assault a horsefly.

Are you sure this ain't the guy that beat you up?

Nobody beat me up.

I slipped and fell down.

And I don't know nothin' about no warrants.

Kelsey, what's the matter with you?

I thought you said he did it.

Come on. Get outta here before the both of us go daffy, too.

Why didn't you tell the truth?

You know I beat the tan right off of you.

Why, you big hooligan, if I hadn't fell down,

you'd be in the morgue by now.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stop fighting! Cut it out!

You guys gotta be friends.

I wouldn't be friends with that guy

if he was George Washington.

And that goes for me, too!

Yeah. Get out of there! Come on!

Stop it!

Come on.

Now, what's the use of fighting?

The Bowery's big enough for both of you.

Come on, shake hands.

Chuck is going to Cuba,

and you might never see him again.

Come on, shake hands.

All right, Chuck.

Gee, that was a great scrap, wasn't it, Steve?

It sure was. The best I ever had.

Yeah?

I was unconscious for three hours.

You were? I got three teeth knocked off there

and three teeth knocked... Oh, it was swell.

Hey, Chuck, you're gonna be late.

They'll be waiting for you at the Armory.

Oh, that's right. I gotta go.

I'm goin' to Cuba, Steve.

Gee, I wish you was going along.

With a couple of guys like you and me,

why, we could cut that war down

from three weeks to three days.

Gee, I wish I could go with you.

Well, so long, Chuck, and good luck.

Thanks, Steve.

Hey, Steve?

Why don't you come and go along with me?

I dare you to.

What's that?

I dare you to come and go with me.

Can you walk?

What's the difference? I'm going, ain't I?

What's the matter here? You get right back to bed!

Get outta the way! The Army's coming through!

Get out!

Aw, go on and kiss him.

I know how you feel, Lucy.

I can see it written all over your face. Go on.

I'll be back, honey. Don't worry.

Go ahead.

Thanks, Lucy.

Don't ever say I never gave you nothin'.

All aboard!

Come on!

Tough we missed saying goodbye to Swipe, isn't it?

Oh, yeah?

How's we doin', Chuck?

Perfect, me lad, perfect.