Original subtitles

Hi there, kiddo.

Hey, don't you look snazzy there. Where you been?

Amy Bloom's bat mitzvah.

I always thought it was bar mitzvah. That's for boys.

Bat mitzvah's for girls.

It's like confirmation, isn't it?

Sort of.

According to Jewish law, it means you've become an adult.

Yeah, well, I don't care what the Jews say. By me, you're still the kids.

Did you have a nice time?

Oh, it was a beautiful ceremony.

Amy ran from the Torah.

And there was so much food at the reception.

You should have seen the parting of the Red Sea in Jell-O.

What are we going to do for my bat mitzvah?

Hey, they got Fat Frieda on there. She's fighting the elephant lady. This here's

a grudge match there.

We got to plan my reception.

It's only two weeks away.

Come on, kid. Give me a break. I can't figure out them Jewish affairs.

You got to ask somebody else that's been poised to do it. There it is, Mrs.

Cannon.

Go, go, go. Don't, Freda, there. Look at that knee.

Hey,

Freda's pulling sack off the elephant lady's head there. Look at that. What a

face. Look at this.

You missed it, see? This is one of your unforgettable moments in sports.

Why did you do that?

We don't even know where my reception's going to be.

We could hold it at the bar.

No, no, no. You can't hold a thing like that at a bar.

Well, then you'll have to rent a place.

Yeah, well, I guess you could hold it at the bar. I don't want to have to chase

you. What about the guest list?

Invite whoever you want.

Only I don't want a bunch of boys hanging around.

If she wants to invite some boys, I'm sure they'll be well behaved.

It's not exactly a pajama party.

All your friends will be there, too.

We'll all pitch in to help. It'll be fun.

Of course, I gotta invite Grandma.

Oh, what? Hold it, hold it. What do you mean?

Your Grandma Harris?

Why do you want her?

Why? Because she's my grandmother and she's Jewish.

Oh, you gotta come up with some better reasons than that.

Archie, her grandmother has to be included.

All right, we'll have a photographer, right? We'll take a lot of beautiful

pictures and send her some.

I want her to be in the pictures.

Oh, God.

That woman, she talks to me like I got no class and no taste.

Give me that, will you? I want to see the Korean midgets.

All right, then she's coming.

Oh, gee, all right, all right.

Well, tell her tomorrow. She's coming by to take Stephanie shopping.

Tomorrow?

She's coming again so soon?

She was just here six months ago.

Go, go, go, you little gooks.

Hey, this, uh, this thing for Steffi, this, uh, ceremony, what you call it,

uh, the... Bat Mitzvah.

I thought that was for baby boys.

Oh, no, that's, that's something else.

A bat mitzvah, it's like a confirmation, you know, confirmation.

Oh, oh, everybody gets their presents.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, well, for that I got my little niece a gold cross at

Alexander's.

Jose, a gold cross is not exactly one of your top bat mitzvah gifts.

It's not?

It's not.

Well, then what am I going to get her?

Hey, when you were Steffi's age, what did you want?

Cleavage.

Can I get this cleavage at Alexander's?

Listen, you know what I thought? I thought maybe we'd all sort of go in

together on something.

Yeah. In fact, I got a couple of good ideas.

What do you think, huh?

It's prettier.

Looks like Jimmy Durante's sister.

Hey, leave the radishes to me till you graduate in remedial chopping.

Pick up!

Well, the fact is I've been kind of planning this whole thing for the last

couple of months. I even thought it'd be lovely to invite the kid's grandmother.

It's a great idea to have it here. It's like Steffi's second home.

Oh, sure.

By you.

Thank you. I'd love to volunteer.

What are you worried about? It ain't going to be hard.

All you got to do is get a batch of ham sandwiches.

You get yourself a load of them little weenies wrapped with the bacon, you

know. And some lovely cocktail shrimps.

This is a bat mitzvah, not a luau.

None of that stuff you mention is kosher.

So can't you get in something kosher there?

Half platters of them?

Crackers, you know, that only the Jews can eat? The Mazdas?

You ask Steffi what she wants to serve, huh?

Hey, where is the kid anyhow? She didn't come in for lunch.

Well, as you might know, out shopping with the grandmother.

The woman limos in here a couple of times a year from Manhattan.

And she trots the kids around the most expensive stores in New York and is

spending all that moolah that her unfortunate husband slaved for her

before he croaked and she cashed in.

That's right.

Why don't you say something?

Well, you know, when you creep up on a conversation, you're liable to hear

anything, huh, Stella?

Estelle. Yeah, whatever.

You all remember my grandmother.

Sure, sure, they all remember her.

They was all with me in the courtroom, you know, cheering me on the day that I

won the custody of you, Ma.

I'm glad to see you all under happier circumstances.

Well, shopping all day in only one bag, huh? Oh, the rest is in the linen.

Something I can get you, Mrs. Harris?

A little white wine might be nice. Thank you.

Oh, yeah, no charge on this, Harry.

And here's a woman who always demands the best, you know, so unscrew a new

gallon.

How about it, Steffi? I got some fresh apple pie.

Great. I'm starving after all that shopping. Oh, geez, yeah.

It's a tough life there, huh, kid?

We had a great time.

Stephanie got some shoes and some jeans and an overcoat and a few little things

she really needed.

I'm glad you said a few, because I know you wouldn't want to spoil the kid.

Oh, I'd love to. It's such fun.

We were just talking about Stephanie's bat mitzvah. It's going to be a first

for this place.

Oh, yeah.

May we sit down?

Yeah, sure.

Park it over there, if you want.

George?

Last of this for you?

Are you kidding? Drum the beer.

Oh, well.

I'll get right to the point.

It's this place.

What about this place?

It's not suitable.

Oh, come on. What are you talking about?

I mean, this is fine here.

We got all this room here. We got a kitchen over there. You got your

restaurant in here. In behind you there, you got your separate talents.

Archie, this ceremony has a religious meaning.

It's a sacred rite, deeply rooted in tradition, and it requires a dignified

setting, like my country club.

Oh, country club.

We have a beautiful ballroom for dancing and a sit-down dinner.

A magnificent five-course meal with capon and prime ribs and a gorgeous

dessert buffet and strolling violins?

Violins. Now, listen there, Estelle. You know, we really don't need none of that

stuff.

Well, I was going to say, I'm going to pay for everything.

I don't care.

The point is, I don't want you pushing a nice, normal kid like Stephanie into the

middle of all that high-class refinery.

Why? Because you wouldn't be comfortable?

Because your pride is getting in the way.

Oh, I ain't got no pride.

What I mean is, I just don't like you coming in here and telling me what to

do.

Archie, would you please think of Stephanie for one minute?

Her mother gone, her father abandoning her, and now she has a wonderful chance

to shine.

Please, can't we make the most of it?

Well, sure, that's exactly what I want to do.

I mean, I want to do it right here, you know. I know why you want to take her

out to that country club. There you want to show the kid off to all of your la-di

-da friends.

There's no reasoning with you.

Do you have to argue?

I ain't arguing, kid. I'm just telling your grandmother we have to have the bar

mitzvah reception here. You don't want to go way out in Long Island there, 30,

60, 90 miles away to some country club.

Where the waiters dress better than the guests.

Archie, it's not fitting to hold a religious event in a saloon.

Hey, listen, all religions come in here looking for money.

I don't want it here or in a country club.

I want it home.

How?

In that house?

Yeah. Why not?

Oh, well, listen, kid.

Ah, the house wouldn't be too good. I mean, you don't want a whole lot of

strangers traipsing in and out of there. You know, walking around the place,

poking into the closets, trying on our clothes.

Please, can we have it at the house?

That's where I really want it.

Yeah, but I don't think we can handle something like that at the house.

We can if I cater it.

Then it's settled.

Now, can I go home and try on my new jeans?

Come on, I mean, it ain't 100% settled there. I mean, it's okay, but listen,

you gotta promise to play the game by my rules.

Such as?

That you won't go overboard, as usual.

Moi?

No, you.

I'll never get the speech memorized by 10 o'clock.

Don't be nervous, honey. Just relax and start from the beginning.

Friends, relatives, honored rabbi, I want to thank all of you. Who is Archie?

Well, I guess I could always put it on index cards.

If you want him, he's at the bar getting some extra liquor.

No, no, I just hope he stays there. Have you seen what they're doing out there?

Where's Maurice?

Outside unloading the truck.

Would you tell him the forest isn't here yet? And ask him if he ordered the extra

salmon. Sure, I'll go tell him right now.

Now, let me see.

Are there any loose ends?

Hey, hey, where are you taking my furniture?

That's the last loose end.

What the hell is going on? Do you see what's happening out there? There's two

Puerto Rican guys in a truck. They're ripping off my sofa.

They'll bring it back.

They're just storing the furniture while I'm setting up for the party. Hey, watch

your head, buddy.

I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. I knew you was going to go overboard

on me. Archie, it's going to be lovely.

You know I hate lovely.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What do you do with the chair?

Maurice says everything's got to go.

Who the hell is Maurice?

Our caterer from the club. Good.

Hey, look, do I leave it or move it? You leave it.

Make up your mind, will you? I get paid to move.

Move your bus.

Well, then, just take the table and that'll be all for now.

Why can't you cooperate?

That's another word I hate, you know, cooperate.

Hey, come on, we've got to get ready for Temple.

Sure, I know, but who moved the brown pants to the suit I was going to wear?

I know nothing about your brown pants.

Mrs. Harris, I... Why is that revolting chair still here?

Because it happens to be supporting a gentleman who's the head of this

household, and here it will stay.

And you can tell that to your fair caterer, Maurice.

He just did.

You're a color guy.

Hey,

listen, no intense offender there.

I just wanted to tell you that the florist is on his way over, and in the

meantime, I'll be out back.

Flitting about?

While he's flitting about there, why don't he just close the door, huh?

The heat is escaping.

It costs us money.

Hi, Art.

Oh, my God.

Floyd Mills.

Dad.

Well, all right, Floyd. Come on in there for a moment or two here. But listen, I

got to warn you right up front that we ain't got to drop a booze in the house.

It's no problem, Arch. I'm dry.

I heard that song before.

Nice to see you, Mrs. Harris.

There's Archie. We ought to get ready to go.

What's going on?

Well, um... Oh, Mrs. Canby, Billy.

This is my father.

My real father.

Oh, it's nice to meet you.

Same here.

Well, excuse me. I'm going to go upstairs and get dressed.

Me too. I'll see you all later at the temple.

You see, Floyd, everybody is displaced, and so maybe you can take a hint at it.

What do you mean, Arch? I'm here for my daughter's bat mitzvah.

How did you find out about that?

Cousin Sophie.

She saw the invitation you sent to Aunt Louise.

Oh, well, this is your doing. You and your fancy and brave invitations. You

couldn't use a phone.

Believe me, Floyd was not on my guest list.

Yeah, well, I can see I'm not welcome here. I guess I came all the way up from

Miami for nothing, huh?

No, you didn't.

Right, Uncle Archie?

Well, listen, kiddo, you know, the whole thing has been planned out there and

everything's accounted for down to the last hunk of locks.

And I just don't think we can handle one more uninvited guest.

I wanted to invite him. I told you, we didn't know where he was.

This time, your Uncle Archie is right.

Seffi, Archie and your grandma have good reasons to resent me. You've done some

rotten things, Floyd.

Yeah, well, I was hoping that we could put all that behind us now because I'm

beginning to turn my life around. Morris, come on, will you? We're having

a family crisis here.

Why does it have to be a crisis?

Why can't he just stay?

Archie, we need the flowers.

All right, all right, all right.

Come on, then. Hurry up. I can't leave the door open. We're losing heat.

Oh, my goodness.

What?

Are you prepared to meet your maker? Absolutely not.

Why can't he stay?

Stephanie, I think it's time you got ready.

Yes, yes. It's time you got ready to do that, huh? And we'll talk to Floyd here.

Okay.

I'm really glad you're here. And don't go away.

Oh, boy, she's really grown. I hardly recognize her.

That happens when you haven't been around for four years.

Yeah, well, maybe I haven't been around for four years.

But I'm here now, and my daughter wants me to stay.

There's too much going on in here. Yeah, there's too much going on in here,

Floyd. We can't talk, so why don't you go into the kitchen there? Oh, Maurice

there.

If you're touching that chair, please don't. Leave it where it is.

Now, this is a very special date with a kid, and I ain't gonna have you do

anything to ruin it.

Archie, I'm not here to ruin anything. Why can't you believe that?

Did you always ruin everything else?

My daughter's life, when you ran off with her?

Yeah, well, I've changed now. I'm staying dry.

Yeah, well, what are you working at?

Well, I'm packing meat during the day and sweeping out a bus depot at night.

I mean, sometimes 15, 20 hours a day.

Why couldn't you have found one moment to call us on the phone and ask if you

could come?

Because I knew the answer would be no.

And I wanted to be here. I mean, I'm Steffi's father.

Well, listen, I'm her custodian, you know, according to a court of law.

Tell him you was there, you remember.

I'm on your side, Archie. Don't press your luck.

Where do you want the band to set up?

In the alcove under the stairs.

Oh, look, if you need any help around here, I'd be glad to... You could stay

away.

Leave us alone.

Oh, he'll leave us alone, all right.

After he gets what he comes for. Right, Floyd?

Archie, I'm here for Steffi's bat mitzvah, that's all.

Get out of here. You never went out of your way for anybody in your life but

yourself.

You want the same thing you wanted here the last time, the long green.

If it's really cash you're after, how much would it take to get rid of you?

Why are you treating him like this?

Honey, honey, I taught you never to listen behind closed doors.

It's the only way I learned anything around here.

I know what my father's done, and I don't really care.

I want him here today.

Archie?

I think you're going to have to let him stay.

Yeah, well, all right, kid, all right, all right, all right.

All right, Floyd, you can stay.

But listen, if I catch you sampling even one glass of the Manischewitz...

If I miss anything?

Quiet, Steffi's going to sing again.

Steffi's been singing real pretty.

What happened to you?

The king has lost my suit.

This is a loner.

She's doing very well. You must be very proud of her. Yeah.

talking to me, Floyd, not you.

Can't we both be proud?

I can be proud. You could be elsewhere.

The rabbi is staring at you.

I don't care.

Floyd ain't gonna write to say nothing because he ain't gonna write to be here.

This is neither a time nor a place. We would like to continue if we could have

everyone's attention, please.

Don't. Talk, Estelle, will you?

Stephanie Mills stands before us today thanks to the love and guidance imparted

by those closest to her.

In recognition of that, I now ask that Stephanie's father please come forward.