Original subtitles

My name is... My name is...

Well, my name isn't important.

It's important that this is clear.

I'm sure my name will be out there, but you didn't hear it from me.

You didn't hear it from me.

I didn't start doing this to be known, to be famous or infamous.

I didn't start out doing this for any reason, really.

It just sort of happened.

He was.

He was.

He was nothing.

No family.

No friends.

Alone.

Lonely.

Looking for something.

looking for something he would never find.

I kept him intact.

He would be someone known for something.

He was the first.

I went a bit overboard.

Can't be too careful.

The killing was the easy part.

Anticlimactic in so many ways.

Which is not there anymore.

I think I was preoccupied with the cleanup the whole time.

I couldn't... I couldn't be there in the moment with him.

I'm sorry about that.

That I wasn't there with him in the end.

From the beginning I filmed them.

I wanted a record, evident,

of all of them.

I don't trust my memories, or rather I...

They were not reliable.

Relatable.

Not scientific.

Or specific enough.

A moment.

Just a moment.

Of them really alive.

A record playing over and over again.

When you travel a lot and get used to it,

get used to the lulling and numbness of being flung about,

get

used to the differences so much.

Get used to the differences so much that you can see through them to the sameness

of everything and everyone.

It's perfect.

And all the talk, no matter what language it is, you just talk,

talk, talk, talk.

Blah, blah, blah.

you can see the special ones.

And I don't mean special like touched or mental.

More otherworldly.

They come out at you through the mud and fog.

They barely touch the ground.

I just dropped here with little regard for gravity.

ready to ascend or descend at any moment.

Like God, work that through to us.

Thank you.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

It's 10 minutes past 9.

Our train is 35 minutes delayed. We arrive

Paris at 10 o'clock.

Yeah, but I didn't notice you were climbing. Really?

Yeah, you were on the canals. Don't pull the bottle, it's going to fall.

You were on the canals, it's funny.

What? You were on the canals. Yeah.

That's how you climb.

There, we're going to put... Can you see the bars?

Yeah. We're going to put them at the top level. There, we're going to... There,

we're going to put them at the top level.

And there, we're going to... I can't do this with a trampoline.

having a locked box, a beautifully smooth

carved box with everything locked inside,

having it with me, knowing it was always

there in the back of my mind, tucked away inside.

Shutting out the outside world.

I could shut my eyes and see it floating there in the darkness.

Safely waiting.

The relief I would feel.

The incredible release when I took hold of it.

if only for a moment, for one person, just a moment.

Then gather them back all in, carefully, meticulously,

before snapping it shut again.

Control and release.

Control and release.

animal instincts.

The calm that comes with control.

The white heat that overtakes us when we let it all go.

Thank you.

Don't go looking for reasons or incidents from my childhood that

might have led to this.

Whatever you might dig up, whatever motivations

or meanings you might think you find,

whatever comfort you might get in figuring it all out,

I'm telling you right now, you're wrong.

There is no motivation, no meaning, no

reason, and no comfort.

I take full responsibility for my actions.

But there was no master plan.

I know looking back, there seems to have been.

And it's always tempting to connect the dots.

To create some kind of order.

Say yes.

Yes.

Okay, say no.

No.

I should destroy these tapes.

I sound like that terrible author who always writes about killing young boys

and having sex with their bodies, of getting under their skin,

of how profound it all is,

or some such nonsense.

It is so obvious that he has never killed anyone.

Never even come close.

It's all pretend.

I made it all up.

It's not real.

Feel better?

I was getting careless, or just not caring anymore.

I taunted the belief, dared them to find me.

But they continued to be inept.

He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't...

I want to warn you. I want to warn you. I want to warn you.

No, no, no, no, no.

Thank you.

Thank you.