All language subtitles for One_Night_Only_2026_1080p_WEBRip_10Bit_DDP5_1_x265-NeoNoir.eng

Yo, yo. What do we got?

- Allie M. Allie M.
- Yeah, we got one right here.

Let me see that. $50 tip?

Whoo! Everyone's in
a good mood tonight.

$50!

- Have a good one.
- Good night.

Ah.

- Let me get you another one.
- No, no, no, no,

we're just trying to eat it
real quick. -No, it's fine.

- It's...
- Everything matters.

To start the night...

off right.

You wouldn't want to join us,
would you?

Nah, but you guys have fun.
Have a great night.

- Appreciate it. Thank you.
- Bye.

Make it count.

Yo, Owen.

It's 4:45, bro.
You're killing us.

Yeah, come on, boss.

Yeah, you're right.
The rush is over.

Ed, Ana, you're up.

- Let's get out of here.
- Finally.

- Let's go, boys.
- Let's fucking go!

Thank you for working tonight.

Ah, we're old married
fuddy-duddies.

This is your day.

You go out there, and
you leave it all on the field.

He's got a girlfriend.

I know. But it's a long night.

Just be careful, yeah?

Of course.

But try many, many things.

You don't want to wake up
staring at a year

of what-could-have-beens.

- Have fun tonight.
- Thank you.

Good job today. Thanks for
working today, boys.

Lucky bastards.

No seas sucio.

- Hey, Will.
- Yo.

- Good luck, all right?
- You, too, man.

We got to get a year's worth
in 12 hours. -

- Hey, Owen.
- I got you a pie.

See you later. Have fun.

Great. Let's just really
make sure we hear "psoriasis."

That is a very hard word
to sing.

Allie, it's a very hard thing
to have.

"Pso-ri-a-sis."

Okay, yes, happily.

But, um, I do think that there
could be something fun there

if we change the melody
a little bit.

Just to subvert expectations.
I think...

The clients have
different expectations:

to make it easy for people
to understand and remember

when they're talking
to their doctors.

Yeah, but we could play with it
and have fun with it.

We're shooting this tomorrow,
Allie.

Let's just do it the way
they're paying you to.

I really want to get out of
here before the night starts.

- You do, too, right?
- I'll give you a series.

Side effects
may include dizziness,

internal bleeding,
hallucinations, sweaty hands

and sometimes death.

- Hey. Hey.
- Oh. Hi.

Mwah.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- You look amazing.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You look great.
- Well, so do you.

I-I haven't seen that shirt
since Brittany's

- engagement party.
- That's... Yeah.

It's your favorite,
so I put it on.

Uh, this is so fancy.

I really thought we were gonna
do something more casual.

I'm full of surprises.

No, you're not.
You're, like, super programmed.

No, I'm not.

- All right.
- Oh.

Bluefin tuna and mackerel.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

No soy sauce.

Wha...

Omakase.

Set menu.

- Exciting.
- Yeah. Very.

This night's gotten out of hand.

Really? Like, there can still
be love involved, huh?

Uh-huh.

No mandate can take that away
from me and you.

I'm going to sleep
with someone else tonight.

Sorry.

Hey-oh.

- Hi, honey.
- What is happening?

What's wrong?

We said tasteful and elegant.

This is a tea-length.

Okay, well, this is a V-length
because the boots go up...

- Jacinta, come on.
- What?

We were gonna take
our time tonight.

And we were gonna find
a good one. -We are.

No mandate meat for us.

This is about
finding our prince.

Or just, like, a good guy.

We're gonna stick together.
We're gonna make good choices.

Unlike last year.

We both took L's last year.

Yeah.

You had Sebastian, the ghoster.

I had Carl, the backpack guy.

He slept in a backpack.

Wait, wait, wait.

To finding true love

on the least romantic night
of the year.

Just 'cause we failed
the other 364

doesn't mean we need to lower
our standards for...

For some dusty dick.

Honestly, the chance
of having great sex

on a one-night stand
is like 2.8%.

Actually, Eileen met
her boyfriend last year.

And Sammy two years ago.

All right, I'm gonna pee.
You scout.

But look.

- Don't touch.
- Okay.

Where is this coming from?

In this new world,

in this government-decreed
sexual climate,

it's hard to figure out
how to navigate.

We're all in the same boat,
Malika.

I'm navigating, too.

I owe it to myself
to explore this.

Explore?
You hate trying new things.

I had to beg you
to come to this restaurant.

If I have to eat
one more Little Gem salad,

my head is gonna explode.

Monkfish liver, sweet shrimp.

No soy sauce.

Thank you.

Chef recommends
you eat right away.

- Thank you.
- Does the chef also recommend

that my girlfriend have sex
with someone else tonight?

- I will check.
- Okay, great. Thank you.

Salvatore Schulhoffer-Lopez.

What?

- That guy from our building.
- Yeah, I know who

Salvatore Schulhoffer-Lopez is.

I told him about the apartment
for rent in our building.

I wasn't looking for anything.

I just kept running into him.

I keep running into Vladimir,

but I don't plan on fucking
our super in 54 minutes.

This is an abnormal request,

but it's under
abnormal circumstances.

It's not you.

I know. It's Salvatore
Schulhoffer-Lopez.

You can explore, too.

I trust you, and... and I think
it will be good for you.

I-I think that
you need something

to help you get out of your box.

I also need
the apartment tonight.

Why? He lives in the building.

Yeah, I just...
I think it would be weird

knowing you're so close by.

Oh, that's the weird part
of this?

You know what this means, right?

I choose to believe that

if we're supposed to work
through this, we will.

I'm sorry, Owen.

Um, sea eel.

Uh, Hokkaido scallop.

And the chef doesn't recommend
that your girlfriend

sleep with somebody else
tonight.

Thank you.

Allie?

Oh, my God, it is you.

Sebastian?

I-I know you're not
gonna believe this,

but I've been looking
for you all year.

I, uh...

- I could not forget you.
- Oh.

All I had was your first name.

I thought you blew me off.

Never, mi amor.

Allie?

She's daydreaming.

Oh, yeah, she does this.
She's a creative.

Allie?

- This is Tejan.
- Hello.

We met in line for the bathroom.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

- I'm Tejan.
- Don't kill me.

- Please don't kill me.
- Oh, Jacinta, no.

It's not even 7:00.

- Mm-mm.
- You're screwing me.

No, I'm screwing him.

I'm sorry.

What happened to taking our time

and finding our prince?

No offense, Tejan.

I actually am a prince.

From Wakanda.

- I'm kidding.
- He's so funny.

I'm from Sierra Leone,
and I live in Brooklyn now.

But I am a prince.

Soup dumplings.

- What? No.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, he's a prince.
Soup dumplings.

- No, not soup dumplings.
- Is that your code word?

It was, Your Highness. It was.

I'm sorry. Come here.

Oh, my God,
I am so pissed at you.

- Is your location on?
- Yeah. Is yours?

- Yeah.
- Okay. All right.

- I love you.
- Yeah, I love you, too.

- It was very nice meeting you.
- Mm.

And I truly do hope tonight
you find your 2.8%.

You told him that?

In line for the bathroom?

It was a long line.
We talked a lot.

So lovely meeting you.

- What is... Oh.
- Oh, wow.

God, he smells good.

Yeah. He smells great.

- All right.
- Let's go.

The American people
wanted this mandate.

We wanted to go back
to a time when sex was reserved

for the sanctity of marriage.

Since our resolution passed,
teen pregnancy is near zero,

STIs are at record lows,

and now it's a badge of honor
to be an incel.

When the mandate

passed three years ago,
your enforcement technology

proved to be faulty.

How have you rectified this?

As you know,
the good folks at Rexton Labs,

a proud American company,

have helped us reestablish
our values around intimacy

by outfitting every American
with a biosensor.

Green if you're married,
red if you're not.

Are you ready
for your special drink?

- I'll bring them over.
- No, no, no.

I'll just... I'll take them.

- You sure?
- Yeah. Thank you.

Good luck.

You're gonna have
a busy first year.

Right now in America,

people are counting down
the seconds until it is legal

for nonmarried adults
to have sex.

Why do you have an exception
for this one night?

I guess that's what sets us
apart from... other places.

Here, politics require
compromise.

But on this night, we have made

the use of protection mandatory.

Xièxiè.

FLAVOR FLAV
Flavor Flav says,

let's go, New York!

Yeah, boy. Ten...

...nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one.

Jesus, Owen.

You look like shit.

Hey, Ma.

" by
Rocks & Pearls playing quietly)

What are you doing home?

Oh, Jacinta met a prince.

- Mm.
- Literally.

Of course she did.

What are you doing home?

Babysitting.

- What?
- Nothing baby about me.

And the only sitting
that needs to be done

is on my face.

No. Give me this.

Uh, uh, how old are you?

He's 12, and he doesn't
understand a word he's saying.

My name's Troy,
but you can call me Tea Bag.

Sit.

Who?

He lives across the street.

His mom lost her sitter,

so she offered me $5,000
to watch him.

- $5,000?
- Period.

Surge pricing, babe.

What about your night?

Tonight is for the straights.

We've been dancing
around your laws

since before the Bible. Hey!

- Put it down.
- Okay.

But both of you will look
much hotter with this.

I hate this kid.

He sucks.

I never really liked her,
if I'm being honest.

You don't have to say that.
You're always being honest.

I just don't think
she appreciated you

for all that you are.

You have to say that.
You're my mom.

That's not true.

Your brother's
kind of an asshole.

If I'm being honest.

I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, Christ,
your hand is freezing.

And it's all red.

Have you been checked
for Raynaud's syndrome?

You know it runs on your
father's side of the family.

That and having a girlfriend
on Long Island.

I had it all planned out.

Yeah, I know you did, baby.

Life doesn't work that way.

Really think you should
get out there tonight.

Nah, I think
I'm just gonna stay here.

No, you should go out.
Just call your friends.

Call Devin, Luis, whoever.

But they're all married now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Since when?

Since they couldn't take
the mandate anymore.

Goddamn mandate.

Well, you can't stay here, Owen.

Why?

I'm gonna be having sex
with Rick tonight.

Rick?

Hey, pal.

You know, I didn't even know
you were here.

- Right back at you.
- Yeah, Owen's just leaving.

Sorry to overhear
about your girlfriend.

He's gonna get back
out there tonight.

It's the perfect night for it.

A million fish in the barrel,
ready to get shot.

It's a blessing.
She blessed you with this.

She's gonna be getting pipe,

- so you might as well lay some.
- Rick.

That's what this night
is. Don't shoot the messenger.

I didn't vote for the mandate.

No one voted for it.
It was passed by Congress.

Which is a group
of representatives

- that we all vote for.
- See, that's what happens

- with one-issue voters.
- Nobody keeps their

- campaign promises anymore.
- It's passed by old men...

- Besides, Big Tech...
- It's... No, Big Tech has

- nothing to do with it.
- ...has its thumbs on vote--

It was an ideological grenade
thrown by old men

- who are not affected by it!
- Women voted for it, too,

Gloria Steinem!

You got to go, honey.

Ooh, yeah, you got to go.

Yep.

Love potion, ten dollar.

White boy,
love potion for tonight.

- No, no, I'm okay, thank you.
- Five dollar for you.

Five dollar.
White boy, white boy.

Oh, no, no.

No, no, no. Stop.

No sad songs.

No "woe is me."

Woe is not you.

- Woe is kind of me.
- Oh, get over it.

- Let's go. Come on.
- I...

Get up. If you're gonna be
doing this by yourself,

you need to look
like a shiny object,

something that screams, "Hey,
everybody, I'm down to clown."

I'm neither down nor a clown.

Wait, I know. Wait there.

Blow that out.

My ex left this.

Suzanne?

Mm-mm. Francesca.

- Oh. But...
- Uh... no.

Come on, get up.
The night's already started.

Cuffing season's almost over.

Put your arms up.

- Let's go!
- Oh, wow.

- Come on.
- But Francesca was, like,

cool and confident and...

- And?
- Hot.

Hey, so are you.
Step into that.

This is tiny.

You just got to find someone
creative and-and smart,

and someone who's not afraid
to get a little...

Wait. Shoes.

Are you sure this isn't a top?

I feel like everything's out.

- You got to wear these.
- Whose were those?

- Meghan's.
- What happened to Meghan?

You know, she was acting,
and then she met the guy.

I mean, she's always been
a princess anyway.

- I mean, the shoes fit...
- It's a lot of this.

No, no, if there's
one night for it,

- it's tonight.
- Ooh.

- You sure?
- Yes. Let it.

'Cause maybe if it had a snap?

Wait. Let me see.

I mean, you look...

deserving.

But you need a purse.

Oh.

Do you have a condom?

- Girl.
- Right. Sorry.

Jacinta took our stash.

If you want to holla
at your boy, I'm holdin'.

- Get out!
- Hey.

Jesus. Here.

"Wide fit"?

How you like me now, auntie?

5,000 isn't enough.

Uh-uh. You got duped.

- Oh, God.
- Oh, I-I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?

- Yeah, no, it's okay.
- Are you? Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah. You?

Yeah. I'll make it.

I was...

Uh, yeah.

You headed out for the...

Uh, yeah.

You?

Yeah. Yeah.

I guess so.

Someone in particular or...?

Or.

Or.

I'm Owen.

Allie.

Oh, my...

- God. Ugh.
- I'm so sorry.

I ate two omakases,
chef's choice sushi.

It was really expensive.
I had to eat 'em.

- What?
- My girlfriend left,

and I'd already ordered them.

Ugh.

She's not my girlfriend, actually.

She was meant to be my fiancée,
but now she's neither.

Get it together, dude.

I'm sorry.

Get the... Get off!

Let go!

Help! Somebody help me!

Get off! My bag!

Hey, man, stop.

- Let go!
- Hey! -MUGGER: Let go!

What are you doing, man?
Stop. -

- NYPD!
- Police!

- Freeze!
- Freeze!

- Hey.
- Cut, cut, cut.

What do you mean "cut"?

- What?
- Why are we cutting?

- Who said cut? -Why?
- Got to go again.

- Who are you?
- What?

What are you doing here?
You didn't see all the cameras?

- What do you mean?
- Cameras everywhere, bro.

We're shooting a movie.

You couldn't wait
30 fucking seconds?

Now we got to redo
the whole thing, dude.

- My girl's waiting for me.
- I thought there was a robbery.

You know what? I think
we got it. We got it, right?

We paint this mook out
VFX, right?

- We good?
- Nope. Got to go again.

- What? -No!
- Going again.

Ugh! -Why would you make
a movie today?

- Today's the night.
- Yeah, dude. No paparazzi.

Yeah. -Right? No kids
with the fucking TikTok, right?

Everybody's in their houses,
right, getting it done.

- It's nice to meet you.
- Hi. I know. Thank you.

Well, I mean,
you got to have someone, right?

Look at you. Fucking face.

No.

- Really?
- What's wrong with you?

There's nothing wrong with me.

- I'm sorry, man. That sucks.
- Yeah, sorry.

- It'll be okay.
- Nothing wrong with me.

- I just... um...
- I'm sorry. -Sorry.

- Sir, sir.
- Yeah, sorry, man.

- Good luck.
- Yeah, come with me.

I can't believe
he doesn't have anybody.

- It's weird, right?
- Yeah.

He's so hot, I thought...

I mean, I-I'd fuck that guy,
you know?

You waiting on someone?

No.

Just taking a break?

Something like that.

So, what can I get you?

Something to help me forget

about the last three years
of my life,

- in a dirty glass.
- I get it.

Single bitches be crazy tonight.

Could always be worse.

Why do you think
she would do this tonight?

I mean, that picture
you showed me of the guy...

he's pretty good-looking.

It was on LinkedIn.

Those are all
bullshit headshots.

Look. Is he really
that much better than me?

Mm.

Look, sometimes you just want
something different, okay?

And tonight's the night
to explore.

See all these Doras?

They're all just looking
for their Diegos.

They're cousins.

- Really?
- Yeah. Their moms are sisters.

If anything, Diego would be
getting with the map.

Or maybe Backpack,
but later in college.

You know what? I bet you
she thinks I can't do it.

That I'll be too upset.

Too upset. Yeah.

Yeah, that's her plan.

She gets with that bus driver...

I think it said
that he's a pilot.

Right, she gets to have
her one night

thinking I'm gonna be
all by myself,

too upset to do anything,
she gets her little fix

and then comes
running back to me.

Well, fuck that.
This dog's gonna hunt.

- Go off, king.
- You know what she called me?

She called me a nice guy.

Do I look like a nice guy?

Is... is she okay?

- I think she needs some water.
- Listen.

You do seem like a nice guy.

- No, no, no, no.
- But I swear it's a good thing.

No woman wants to be
with a nice guy.

If you were single, would you
want to have sex with me?

What makes you think
I'm not single?

'Cause you're working tonight.

Until my shift ends
in 30 minutes.

That mean you want to hang out?

God, you really have been
out of the game, haven't you?

See you in 30 minutes.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Cool.
- Cool.

You have protection, right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I'm just gonna get some air.

Okay.

See you in a bit.

Hey.

Hey, you should drink that.

Just drink it.

Great. Now I'm getting roofied.

Hey, buddy.
You have any condoms?

- That's it?
- Nah.

- None?
- Ain't got none.

Hi.

Hi.

Crazy night.

Andrew.

Allie.

I got a 1:40 available.

It's only a 20-minute block,

but your dress should
save us some time.

Uh, no, thank you, Andrew.

So, my firm was one of the
first angels in on Rexton Labs.

Every sensor on a wrist,

that's five boodles
in our pocket.

There are 266 million people
in this country over 18.

You do the math.

1.3 billion.

Mama!

I'm bringing someone home
for Thanksgiving!

- Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!
- Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

- Make your one night smooth!
- Try it. Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

- Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!
- Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

Yeah! Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

Yippee-ay-oh, K-Y!

It tracks dopamine, oxytocin
and testosterone levels.

So if it spikes
when it's close to another one

with elevated levels, bam!

It flashes red, and the
authorities are alerted via 5G.

So we're developing a pill
that masks dopamine.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but couldn't that also lead

to the cure for Parkinson's?

There's no money in that shit.

- Wow.
- Enough small talk.

We swiping right,
or what's the dilly?

I can palm that card
in my hand like so,

and all I have to do is blow.

And the card dissolves...

...and disappears completely.

That's amazing.

I think you have
something in your...

No.

You have something in your...

Hi.

Do you have any more?

All gone.

MAN
Ay, mi pinga.

Be safe tonight.

I have to be honest, I've met
a lot of crazy people tonight.

I have met lunatics.

It's like they all come out
on this one night.

And they're like zombies,
just preying on all of us.

- It's a literal nightmare.
- Right?

Is there no normal person who
hasn't found their person yet?

So, want to do him first,
then me,

or me, then him, or maybe
surprise us?

Or both of us at the same time?

- Oh, that's fun.
- Yeah.

Sort of
a human Jenga situation.

His top, my bottom.

Or we could do it
hangman style.

- Or we could switch it up.
- Both of us from under.

- With a little tickle.
- The tickle thing?

Tickle from the back
and front at the same time?

That sounds good, right?

On your side
or on your back or...

- Side. Side.
- Side.

That is sad.

Like, really sad, like...

You win the gold medal
at the Sad Song Olympics.

Would you mind if I...

toss my hat into the ring?

Sure.

It's very sad.

Thanks.

My parents are German.

This is a sad song.

This is the saddest part.

You know the song, right?

- You know
what I'm gonna do, right?

- No. Oh, wow.
- Key change. Higher but sadder.

It's a sad song.

So sad. Wow.

Have I heard you sing before?
Your voice is so familiar.

Uh, n-no.

Probably not.

Well, I should have.

You're kind of amazing.

No, you're amazing.

No, I'm serious.

- I'm serious.
- No.

I'm serious.

- Are you sure this is okay?
- What?

I feel like we don't
have to do this now.

You know, I don't think
of you as just...

Mandate meat?

Oh, that term is disgusting,
but, well, yeah.

God, you're sweet.

I have a condom.

I'll be right back.

You got to be kidding me.

Anyone here?

Yeah. Uh, what can I do for you?

- Do you have any more condoms?
- Uh, sorry.

Um, we're all out.

Condoms.

Yes!

I will take it.

Thank you.

- 200.
- What? That's gouging.

I feel awful about it.

Fine.

Cash only.

ATM in the back.

But somebody already
beat you to it.

- That's crazy.
- Uh...

Look, I'm-I'm really sorry
about what happened earlier.

It's all good.

No, I-I want to explain.

I went for dinner
with my girlfriend.

I'd ordered two omakases.

You vomit words, too?

Like I said, I'm really sorry.

Glad you found someone, though.

Looks like
we both found our "or."

Is that him?

I like that jacket.
Is that Buck Mason?

That is my PIN.

Hey, Tits McGee.

Sorry.

Let me see if mine works.

Oh, so you can get it? No.

- Well,
it looks like you've been here

a while now, and you don't
seem to be yielding much fruit.

- They got 'em.
- $200, cash only,

- ATM in the back.
- Okay, look.

- I really need this.
- So do I.

I have a window, and it's gonna
close if I don't get back

in eight and three-quarter
minutes.

I actually have a real
connection with somebody, okay?

You're in a bodega
trying to buy a condom.

What does he get on his pizza?

What?

Well, if you have
a real connection with someone,

you know what kind of pizza
they like.

It's coffee, not pizza.

It's how they take
their coffee. -Okay, okay.

How does he take
his coffee, then?

He likes it how I like it:
black with three sugars.

Well, that's gross.

He thinks it's adorable.

I'm sure you'll end up
at the top

of the Empire State Building
at sunrise,

pledging your undying love.

I would love that for us.

May I?

Just...

Ah.

Thank you.

I want to go now.

So hot.

No, no, no.

That's not right.

- Ah, I just did payroll.
- This sucks.

- Hey, my guy. Can I use that?
- My God!

You guys have been here
for a minute.

Aren't you guys
a little old, too?

- What?
- What?

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, literally.

Mwah.

I hate this night.

Sucks.

Got to get the key.

So hot.

What are you doing?

Making it happen.

Go.

Oh!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Oh!

Oh, my God,
you are a crazy person.

- Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, God.
- Oh!

- Bro.
- Film it. Film it.

Oh!

What? How?

Hey! Stop!

Uh-oh.

- Every goddamn year.
- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- One of us should get it.

- Come on.
- Motherfuckers!

- Go, go, go, go, go!
- You fucking animals!

They're chasing us!

When that one condom
gets stolen on Fuck Night!

Bro!

Oh! -Oh, my God.

Hey. In here, here,
here, here, here. -What?

- You can't just go backwards.
- Go back, back, back, back.

- Down, down, down.
- Oh, my God.

Okay, wait.

I know I just met the guy,

but I actually think
he could be someone special.

I really need to get back
out there tonight.

Flip for it.

Durex or warnings
and instructions?

Warnings and instructions.

- Okay.
- No.

Durex.

Okay.

Warnings and instructions.

You're warnings
and instructions, I'm Durex.

I'm gonna change my mind.

Durex.

- One...
- No, warnings and instructions.

- I can't... I can't...
- Okay, how about I'm Durex?

You have to take in
the conditions of the wind and,

like, how heavy this is
and how long it was in the box.

- Fuck are you talking about?
- This is a big moment.

And I've got someone waiting
for me back at the bar.

She's gonna leave soon.

Durex,
warnings and instructions.

No, no, no, no, no. Warnings
and instructions, Durex.

- I can't look.
- Oh, my God.

- One...
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, go a little lower.

A little lower.

Yep.

- Don't look.
- I'm not looking.

Ow! Look a little.

- I'm sorry.
- Okay, little farther.

Little farther.

I got it.

- Got it?
- Yep.

Ow!

I'm sorry.

Oh, my God. Whoa.

You okay?

Yeah. And I got it.

It was warnings
and instructions.

Thanks.

Did you get it?

Sorry.

Do you live here?

Yeah. My spot.

- Is that a...
- I know. It's a bit much.

He's an old friend.

And nothing says housewarming
like a silhouette

of an old-timey boy
holding a balloon duck.

Want something to drink?

I make a mean glass of wine.

- Yeah, I would love something.
- All right.

- Is that a...
- Fake Basquiat?

No.

Go, make yourself comfortable.

To the girl who's made my night.

How do you take your pizza?

What?

I'm, um...

Nothing.

Ah, fuck.

Go! We'll take
the back! -Yeah, fuck.

Wha... Hey.

NYPD!

We know
you're in there!

We followed your motorcycle!

It was just one condom!

Open up, or we're gonna knock
your door down!

Where are we going?

Max?

Max?

This way, this way.

Here!

- I see somebody!
- Hey!

You!

You there!

Stop! Wait!

Damn it.

Stop!

Get...

Hey! Stop right there!

- Wait!
- Wait, wait, wait. Whoa.

Whoa.

Goddamn it, honey,
why are you running?

We're not after you.
We're after him.

He's on parole.

He ain't allowed
to have sex tonight.

Okay, how would you
characterize your relationship

with Mr. McGuinness?

Uh, relatively new.

The officers reported that
you were in your undergarments.

Your goons kicked down a door
and violated our privacy.

I can't believe you expend
all these resources on this.

Did he mention he spent time in
jail for violating the mandate?

So, what, what,
he had consensual sex

that the government
didn't want him to?

He violated it 14 times.

- 14?
- In eight days.

Eight?

You think we really want
to be dealing with this shit?

Seeing who's playing
slap-and-tickle

without a ring on their finger?

Then why do you? Seriously,
just because we're living

in these crazy times
does not mean

that you need to be
on the wrong side of history.

Where's your conscience?

With my pension.

Give me your wrist.

We just need to confirm the
integrity of your biosensor,

and then you can be on your way.

The data center's pretty busy.

You can wait outside.

- Really great work.
- Mm.

Thank you for keeping
our streets safe.

Just so you know,
your relatively new boyfriend

is also being charged
with real estate fraud,

property trespass,
grand theft motorcycle,

stealing various wine and art,
including a silhouette of a boy

holding a duck balloon,
and a fake Basquiat.

I knew it was fake.

The bastards got me again.

I don't care how many times
you arrest me.

I ain't wearing no love glove.

I'm down by the water.

Make a left when you get
to the clearing.

Right on the grass.

- Keep going.
- Okay.

You're getting warmer.

Much warmer.

Getting hot.

Oh, my God.

- You're hot.
- So are you.

It's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you, too.

You want to go here?

That's the one good thing
about this stupid night.

No wasted time.

Y-You're right.

Okay, Felix.

It's Owen. I lied about my name.

I did, too.

I'm Sophie.

- Sophie.
- Mm-hmm.

All right, well, you want to...

How do we...

Well, I-I think,

traditionally,
it starts with a kiss.

There's nothing traditional
about this night.

I still think you should start
with a kiss.

I think you're right.

What...

All right.

Uh-uh.

I've never really
done that before, but okay.

I don't remember seeing this
on your bio.

- Ooh.
- Shh.

Okay, okay.

Not too tight.

'Cause I'm into it,
but I'm not that...

All right, I'm into it.

What are you doing?

Hey.

Are you robbing me?

No, don't rob me!

It's really too bad.
You are so cute.

I wish we hadn't met at work.

At work?!

Hey, handsome.

MAN
Hey, where are you?

I'm almost at the bridge.

Okay, meet me there in 15.

Don't do it, buddy!
She's a honeypot!

Fuck.

Are you following me?

- Am I following you?
- Yeah.

It's a big city, so...

this feels a little convenient.

For who?

You stole my condom.

It wasn't my best moment.
I'm sorry.

You didn't use it?

Oh, my...

After all that,
you didn't use it.

Much ado about nothing,
as the kids say.

Kids don't say that.

They say it.
They say it all the time.

No Empire State Building
sunrise for you.

It's a tired reference anyway.

Have you ever been
to the Empire State Building?

You ride an escalator forever,
and then you get up there

and you stare at a fence.

It's not romantic at all.

It's the worst place for it.

Where would you go?

I know exactly where I would go.

Where?

Why are you here?

Jaywalking.

They got me for jaywalking.

They took your clothes for that?

I, too, thought
it seemed unorthodox.

Hmm. -OFFICER:
It's your lucky day, Romeo.

This never happens,
but we found your stuff.

Great. Thank you.

Apparently, your sex worker
was trying to pawn it.

She was not a sex worker.
I told you.

- She was not a sex worker.
- No judgment.

A lot of guys
get conned tonight.

I mean, little bit
of a judgment.

I was just surprised that
you were trying to pay for it.

You know what I mean?
Like, it's just out there.

Like, why buy the milk

when the cows are free
and there are tons of 'em

and there's milk everywhere?

It's like,
why are you paying for it?

- I was not paying for it.
- Hey, take the win, buddy.

What'd you get into there?

- Thank you.
- We're gonna need

that jacket back
for the next john.

Wow.

Yeah. You came to party.

Respect.

Glad you're enjoying this.

I'm not not enjoying it.

Uh, yeah.
You came back clean.

We might need you to testify.

I'll, uh... I'll let you know.

Testify?

How romantic.

The universe is obviously
telling us something.

Maybe we shouldn't
overthink this.

Overthink what?

You and me.

- Oh, God. Wow. Um...
- What?

No.

Dude, you just want to stick
your thing somewhere.

What do you want to do
with your thing?

Or things or whatever.

Things?

What exactly do you think
I have going on down there?

I don't know yet.

I'm not changing who I am

- for this mandate.
- Come on.

No part of you
just wants to have sex?

Of course, but not...

not sex that just leaves me
feeling empty.

Well, how do you know
that's what

it's gonna be like with me?

Years of anecdotal evidence.

I'm objectively good-looking.

You did not just say that.

I've been told
a fair number of times

I'm squarely in the sevens.

Oh, by who? Your boy mom?

Nah. She thinks I'm a ten.

Well, you're not.

Your ears look like car doors.

Well, your nose... your nose is
way too small for your face.

Your chin could plow a field.

Your legs don't make any sense.

Your hairline doesn't make
any sense.

So we're two hideous people.

Let's lie together
in our mutual revulsion.

We keep meeting up.
Maybe that means something.

It-it might have, until I saw
your P. Diddy party swag bag.

Good luck tonight.

This party's gonna be sick!

I know.

- Last year, it was wild.
- All the Knicks were there.

Mm-hmm. Some random billionaire
puts it on.

Oh, is that where Mafalda
met her fiancé?

Yeah, and Mafalda
put us on the list.

Yeah.

- I need a drink.
- Yeah, I need a drink, too.

I know. We need a billionaire
and a drink.

You want to meet a husband?

I need a man!

Go, go, go, go.

Stand clear
of the closing doors, please.

Oh, yeah. That'll work.

They won't see you like that.

We're not doing this together.

I'm doing this.

You're doing this.
Parallel tracks.

Also, you're
a little underdressed.

What are you talking about?
This is Buck Mason.

Bro, I don't know
what choke hold Buck Mason has

on all you boys,
but they're not all hitters.

What about this?

- Here.
- What?

Your biosensor--
what's the story?

What?

Look at mine. It's a bat.

They gave us a week to decide.
I panicked, and I got this.

I don't even like bats.

Mine's a lighthouse.

I know. Why?

- You really want to know?
- Yeah, I want to know.

It's just a kids' book
my mom used to read to me.

Okay.

"Little Red Lighthouse
and the Great Gray Bridge."

Well, usually, it's red, so...

There's this
little red lighthouse

on the Hudson River, and...

It's actually real. It is there.

- Mm-hmm.
- But, um, in the story,

it feels overshadowed
because they built

the George Washington Bridge
over it, and...

Anyway, one night,
this tugboat comes along,

it's foggy, and it-it needs
the light from the lighthouse

to help it pass.

So it has worth after all.

Yeah, it's sweet.

Kind of cheesy, but when
I first moved to New York,

all the talent here,
it was just...

Yeah, and you're
the lighthouse. I get it.

It's nice. -SIMON: Oh, my God,
I can't wait to go to this

- party you guys talked about.
- Yeah, I'm really excited.

I love going there.

And it just grounds me
when I have to sing.

Are you a singer?

Uh... yeah.

That's cool.
Would I have heard anything?

Not anything I'm proud of.

As long as you love it,
that's all that matters.

Kind of. There is
this component where, like,

someone's supposed to sing,

then people are supposed
to hear, and then you connect,

but, you know, I, uh...

What?

I'm afraid to get up
in front of crowds.

- I know.
- That's a problem.

Yeah, yeah, it's a big problem.

- It's a big problem.
- He doesn't have that problem.

Ezra Strong?

You don't get to play Radio City

unless you make people
feel something.

And look at him.

He's a five.

- Six.
- Oh, no, no, no.

- Yes, yes, yes.
- He's a ten.

Girl, you got it bad.

What?

You need to put that
back in your pants.

I would dump it all out
of my pants for Ezra Strong.

- Trust us.
- I've done that before.

Okay, well, this is gonna
be amazing, so just believe.

So you're telling me
that if Ezra Strong

went to your high school but
was just really good at math,

you would be dumping everything
out of your pants for him?

Maybe. Geometry's pretty hot.

Well, I'm really great
at making a pizza.

Does that change anything?

Yeah, Claremont.
I saw it on your key chain.

Is that your family's spot
or something?

No, no, no, no, no.
All mine. No.

I always liked pizza.

I saved up. I opened a shop.

If A equals B and B equals C,
then A equals C.

Transitive property of geometry.

How you like me now?

Last year, I hooked up
in like five minutes.

What took you so long?

Where is this party?

I think I bought a lamp off
Facebook Marketplace here once.

Oh, uh...

Wait. No, no. No.

Come on.

To the party, right?

- Yeah.
- All right. Let's go.

Come on.

Get...

Just come on, come on, come on.

- Let's go, let's go.
- Thank you. Sorry.

- Don't do that. D-Don't bow.
- Sorry.

Don't bow. It's weird. Okay.

Thank you.

You're cute when you're nervous.

I'm not nervous.

Ah, so then you're just cute.

It's not gonna happen, dude.

Oh.

I know. I know that.

How many times
you want to tell me that?

Okay? And you know what?

I'm emotionally unavailable
toward you now.

Right. -I don't want
to have sex with you.

No, I can't... Oh, no.

That's-that's out. That's done.

Nothing you could say

would convince me
to have sex with you.

Nothing. Not one thing.

Not a secret word. Nothing.

Nothing you could say

would convince me
to have sex with you.

Hey.

God, you're good.

Thank you very much.

What? What?

How are we gonna get in?

And the McGees.

Just act like you belong.

- I'm bad at that.
- Then be good at it.

Hey, gorgeouses.
How's your night going?

Name?

Uh, Owen.

Nice to meet you.

What's your name?

I don't see your name on here.

Could it be under
something different?

No. O-W-E-N.

Um, someone put us on...

Mafalda put us on the list.

And what's her last name?

She only has one name,
like a Brazilian.

Like Neymar or Pelé.

Xuxa.

- Xuxo. Xuxa.
- Xu... That's a name.

- No.
- No? -Wha...

- But you're good. She's good.
- She's good?

- I'm good?
- I'm not? Why?

Because she's not thirsty
like you.

I'm not thirsty.

Well, we came together.

Oh, we're singles only
tonight, guys.

You're together?

- Well, not together-together.
- We're not...

- We came together.
- Not, like, together.

- We just came here.
- We are both single.

- We arrived now together.
- Newly.

I'm sorry, guys. We're gonna
need, like, a clear answer.

Together or not together?

Nah, we're just on
parallel tracks.

Right?

- Yeah.
- I'll see you around.

- Get in there, babe.
- Come on. Yeah.

- Okay. Thank you.
- Have fun.

She's wearing that,
and you're in a polo shirt.

Woof.

Sorry.

Oh. Excuse me.

I just...

Excuse me.

Thank you, New York!

Have a killer night.

See you guys
at the benefit tomorrow.

And fuck each other!

And fuck the mandate.

Yeah, fuck the mandate.

Fuck the mandate.

Fuck the mandate!
Fuck the mandate!

Hey.

Hey. Lost your sheep?

You heading in?

Yeah, I just got
a phone call and...

Find me.

Sure. Sure.

Guys, come on.

You got to let me in here.

- Sorry.
- Please.

- It's a private party.
- You just let my friend in.

It's not up to us.

It seems like
it's very much up to you.

Oi, ladies.

He's good.

- Great show, dude.
- Hey.

Allie. Allie.

Hey.

- Whoa.
- I got in.

Hi. You did.

How you doing?

Uh, good. Hi.

You are gorgeous.

Thanks. So are you.

He said my legs
don't make any sense.

This is Allie.

She ditched me at the door.

Oh, are you two together?

I don't want to kitty-block you.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

He just wants
to stick it somewhere.

In a nice way.

She's looking for
a real connection tonight.

You're a romantic.

Well... -Oh, how cute.
I could spread you

with marmalade
and eat you up for brekkie.

- Thank you?
- Did you see who was singing?

- Ezra.
- I... Yes.

- Ezra!
- Yes, Ezra.

Darling, can you come here?

- Hi, darling.
- Oh, my God.

- Killer party.
- Thank you for doing tonight.

- Keep it in your pants.
- I appreciate it.

- Shut up.
- Anytime.

- This is Owen.
- Dude, pleasure, man.

The boy I'm gonna fuck tonight.

- Congrats.
- Thank you, man.

I'm Ezra.
It-it's nice to meet you.

I know.
It's nice to meet you, too.

I didn't know
that it was nice to meet me.

That's cool. I, um...

I-I know. I know who you are.

Okay. I-I thought I saw you
out there, right?

- You did?
- Yeah.

Her name's Allie.

You have to say your name.

My name's not Allie.
It's Allison.

I don't know why I said that.
My name's Allie.

Um, I go... I go by Allie.

She's a singer, too,
just like you.

- Can you stop?
- Well, you are.

No way.
Is Viv putting you onstage?

- You sing?
- No.

- Yeah, you're a singer.
- No.

- She's a singer. You are.
- I'm not. No. No.

Do you or don't you sing?

She does.

- No.
- No?

No. Yes, I sing.

I'm a singer. Yeah.

- I do that for a living, and...
- Yes?

It's...

on a small basis.

Uh, just... the occasional...

Um, but not in front of people.

I don't do the-the stage thing.

That's a lot of people
and absolutely terrifying.

And certainly not half naked.

Although there was
this one time in...

in kindergarten, um...

You're hilarious.

You're going to sing tonight.

It's been decreed.
Come on. Come sing. -No.

- No. No, no, no. -Yes.
- Oh, it's been decreed.

- No. Oh, God, no, no, no.
- Come with me.

- I-I get what I want.
- I can't. I can't.

- Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- I don't like it.

Think of those tugboats.
Go, go, go... -I don't want to.

I wasn't being cute about it.
I really don't like it.

I really don't like it. I
really don't... -Just go sing.

It's a feeling
you can get used to.

It's all just butterflies, darling.

- Yes.
- Oh, but I...

Oh, look at us.
We both... we match.

Uh, do you know "Only You"?

Yeah.

I can't do it.

- I can't do it. I can't do it.
- Darling.

That's a bad idea.

I am rapidly losing
my fairy godmother buzz.

I just think, um...

- I just think maybe if-if...
- Shh.

Just... Shh.

Whew. Thanks.

Thank you, New York.

- Bye, babe.
- I will see you soon.

Have a good night. Have fun.

Oh, I will. I will.

In you get.

Just a quick... Okay, great.

Let's go.

Whew! Thank you.

Oh.

Thank you.

Wow.

The organizers of the benefit

rented it for me
for the weekend.

I thought the pro-mandate side
had all the money.

Sure would be easier
to believe that.

- This is crazy.
- I know.

Jimi Hendrix, Patti Smith,
Taylor Swift.

- Well, yeah, the place, but...
- "Fireflies."

Owl City.

- Yeah, the...
- Right here!

I'm sorry to nerd out,
but I think you're amazing.

- Stop it.
- I'm serious.

- You really inspire me.
- No.

You inspire me.

I really thought this whole
thing was gonna ruin sex.

Right? It-it kind of did,

but at the same time,
it-it gave it new meaning.

You know, who do you choose
to be with for this one night?

Yeah.

The choice itself is,
like, romantic.

Just maybe the fascists
were right about this one.

I'm really glad
I'm here with you tonight.

Can I use the bathroom?

Yeah.

Down the hall, next to
Adam Levine's pay phone.

Cool.

Mm. Oh, let's go back to yours.

I find it easier to orgasm
in unfamiliar places.

Tell Victor where you live.

Um, well, why don't we just
go back to yours

and we can do it in the...
in the... in the...

on the bathroom floor?

I said unfamiliar.

Shh. Not a duet.

Oh. Sorry.

Whoa!

Oh, my God.

- Oh.
- This is it.

All right. Wait here.

Okay. Ooh, I like this.

Now I can add
"boy from the Bronx"

to my fucket list.

It's Upper Manhattan, and, uh...

Be back in a sec.

My shoes, my shoes, my shoes.

Get 'em off. Get 'em off.

- Could you help me?
- Yes.

- Yeah.
- Take it off, take it off.

Take it...

Whoo!

- Let me get my sock off.
- Your sock?

- My sock. Sock, sock, sock.
- Boxers off.

- Ow!
- What? What now?

I don't know,
something's underneath me.

Oh, what, that?

Ugh.

The fuck?

Jesus Christ, Owen!

- Hiya, buddy.
- What are you doing?

It's my house!

Mom!

No. Move.

This is weird, even for me.

I mean... bubbles?

- God, I'm out.
- Who is that?

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...

I don't have time for
this weird shit tonight, mate.

Owen?

Colleen Hoover
signed that book!

Mom.

What are you doing?!

Across the country
tonight, the window is closing

for unmarried Americans during
this year's exemption period.

In just under three hours,

the nationwide chastity mandate
will take effect once...

I'm hungry.

Huh?

- I'm hungry.
- Huh?

So hungry.

We're closed.

I know the owner.

What are you doing
all the way up here?

Ordering a pizza,
with extra cheese.

Hold the K-Y.

That's what we're known for.

Come on.

Put the flour down
so nothing sticks.

This is how you make the crust.

Try that.

Thanks.

Ooh.

So?

So?

What happened to Ezra?

Didn't really click.

Does that hospital name tag
have anything to do with it?

What happened
with Beatrix Potter?

Just didn't feel right.

Try that.

Mmm.

Oh, my God, this is
the best pizza I've ever had.

Truly.

I think it's better than sex.

No. Come on.

I mean it.

But I honestly don't remember.

What's your favorite part?

- The cheese.
- No.

Of sex.

The buildup.

What? -That's just
a typical lady answer.

- What? Oh, okay.
- It is.

What's yours? Hmm?

Boobs?

Cowgirl? You like to jackhammer?

- Just fucking...
- You're not gonna believe me,

but it's about the after for me.

- Mm-mm. No.
- It is.

That moment after.

You're laying there, two people.

It's like
you're sharing a secret.

It's never really about the sex.

It's kind of a good answer.

You were incredible
at the party tonight.

No one was listening.

I was.

Uh, it's her.

My, uh... my girlfriend.

What do I do?

Um...

What?

What do I do?

You should answer it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, one second.

Malika.

Yeah.

Yep, I'm at the shop.

MALIKA
I couldn't go through with it.

- Come home.
- Okay.

All right, bye.

Uh...

she wants to see me.

Great.

She wants to see me now.

- Um...
- Oh. Okay.

- I'll, um...
- No. No, no, stay.

Please, um...

grab a drink, finish the pie.

- Um...
- I don't...

I'm really sorry. Uh...

Would you mind...

...locking up?

Just throw the keys
under the door.

Uh, is that okay?

- Uh, sure.
- Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah.

Uh, yeah.

I hope you get
your Empire State Building...

or wherever moment tonight.

Yeah. You, too.

You're here.

I'm here.

I was wrong.

Damn it.

Let me close this.

I got to close this.

Sorry, I keep telling Vladimir
to fix that.

Come on.

We only have like an hour left.

I need to go.

What?

I need to go.

- Is this about Sal?
- Sal?

Salvatore Schulhoffer-Lopez.

I told you on the phone,
nothing happened.

It's not about him at all, actually.

Do you want to get married?

Then we can have sex
whenever we want.

It's never really been
about the sex.

Well, we've only had it
like two times.

- Thanks, Obama.
- Obama?

This thing started
like three years ago.

Yeah, well,
y-you know what I mean.

The-the pendulum.

I...

I'm sorry for what I did,

but if you did something,
I'm honestly proud of you.

No, you-you...

you needed to get out
of your box.

I should never have come.

I'm sorry.

Owen? Owen.

D-Did I mess things up?

No.

But I might have.

- Sorry, sorry.
- Whoa.

Taxi, taxi! Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Uh, Seventh, between First
and, uh, Second.

And can you make it
fast as possible?

Trying to squeeze some more
juice out of the lemon, huh?

Yeah, some-something like that.

Here. Thanks.

- Hello?
- Hey, I'm looking for Allie.

- It's Owen.
- Hello?

- Does Allie live here?
- Hello?

- Who?
- Hello?

- Allie. Allie.
- Who?

- What?
- Allie.

- Yo! Hey, yo!
- Who is this?

It's O... Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- There's no Allie here.
- It's 6:00 a.m., man.

- Get out of here.
- I-I know. I'm so sorry.

But I-I'm just looking
for Allie.

You know Allie?

She's tall, uh, brunette.

She's got big eyes.

Legs don't make any sense.

She also loves lighthouses,
especially a little red one.

Get the hell out of here, man.

Allie!

Allie!

Allie!

Hey.

Look, I-I'm sorry about
that Bubble Wrap thing.

Your mom and I were looking at

ASMR videos
on the YouTubes, and...

Okay. Good to see you, Rick.

Did you, um, patch things up
with that tall,

British glass of water
from last night?

Actually, I met someone else.

Okay, Mr. Swing Dick.

Nah, it wasn't like that.
It was...

We just talked a lot,

and I just left like an asshole.

And now I have no idea
how to find her.

Owen, when your mom and I...

- Nope.
- Okay.

My two men bonding.

Warms my heart.

- He met somebody.
- Oh, yeah?

But he can't find her.

Who is she?

Her name's Allie.

And, uh...

she's fun, and she's smart.

She's weird, and she can sing.

She got a great voice.

She got this big smile.
I don't know.

I've never met anyone
like her before.

What's the last thing
she said to you?

"Good luck."

What's the last thing
you said to her?

"I hope you get your Empire
State Building moment tonight."

JACINTA
Allie, you have to come get me.

I don't know where I am.

Tejan took me and swept me
off my motherfucking feet.

- That's right.
- I found my prince!

I'm in love
with your friend, Allison.

He took me
to the Empire State Building

at sunrise. -And now
we're gonna get married.

- We're getting married.
- Oh, my God. Okay, I love you.

Ooh, sorry.

- Did I wake you?
- No.

Got to drop off the kid
sometime soon.

How was your night?

Uh...

pretty wild.

I met someone.

- Oh?
- And then he went away.

And I took a long walk.

Well, did you get with him
at least?

No.

Still some time left, shawty.

Ever been someone's first?

Aah!

All right.

I'm gonna go sleep for a week.

Listen, I'm sorry, Allie.

- Thanks.
- Wait.

Your name is Allie?

- Yep.
- There was some guy

calling your name,
looking for you.

- What?
- Yeah.

Some weird guy
with elephant ears

whining all about your legs
and leghouses.

It was sad.

I was like,
"Yo, bro, sack the fuck up."

- When was this?
- A little while ago.

He's not gonna be there.

Probably not.

So, why am I doing this?

'Cause you never know.

We missed the sunrise.

Black, three sugars.

I hear it's adorable.

You're still following me.

Or are you following me?

I can't believe you're here.

Well, this is
the only place for this.

Nothing can overshadow.

I'm sorry. I-I...

I shouldn't have left.

Nah. I shouldn't have
let you go.

We still have time.

I might... I might know a place.

Come on.

You know, I'm not even gonna
need the whole 11 minutes.

Oh, yeah. Me, neither, son.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing's wrong.

Just, you know...

seems like this whole night...

I don't want it to dictate...

us, what we do.

We can't let the mandate win.

Maybe we should wait.

Get to know each other.

I think you're right.

Without the-the pressure.

Without the pressure,
without all the noise.

A whole year.
It's your favorite part.

The buildup.

Yeah, but what about the after?

It's gonna be hard,
but I can wait.

Try to keep it in my pants.

Ah. Good luck.

I just don't want
this moment to end.

Do... do you hear that?

Oh, my God.

Yeah, they're filming
all over the city tonight

'cause there's no paparazzi.

- You didn't know that?
- No.

No, no, no.
Wow, that is my voice.

- This is you?
- Yeah.

- Wow.
- It's my day job.

It seems to me you sang,

they're hearing,
you're connecting.

Shut up.

Hey, guys! Guys!

Can you crouch down?
We're filming.

- What?
- Crouch down?

Oh, too late!
We've already seen you kissing!

You have to keep doing it!

- Kissing?
- Yes!

Okay.

You two, yeah.
You're established.

- We're kissing.
- I guess.

Now you have to dance.

- What?
- Dance!

Eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one!

Oh, wow.

- We did it.
- Wasn't even that hard.

Ooh.

Mwah.

Wow.

- Oh, what should we do?
- So...

I don't know.
You want to get food?

- Yeah. Let's get dinner.
- Chinese? Italian?

I'm not eating pizza.

Pizza? I didn't say pizza.

Omakase?

Wasn't even that hard.

So rude.

Finally.