All language subtitles for Mister Ed S1E07 - Ed The Lover

Hello.

I'm Mr. Ed.

♪♪

- Hello, Mrs. Post.
- Hello, Henry.

- Mind signing this, please?
- Thank you.

There you are. Thank you.

Oh, would you please
put the hay in the back?

- Hello, Carol.
- That horse.

Oh, hi, Kay.

Say, would you like
some coffee and cake?

No, sweetie. I just
started a new diet,

and I'll have to cut
down on some things.

So, uh, just make it cake.

You know, when I'm on
a diet, I eat like a horse.

Not as much as our horse.

Do you know that's the fourth
load of hay this week for Mr. Ed?

Your horse has it pretty soft.

He doesn't work,
he takes naps all day,

and he never stops eating.

And I thought being a
wife was the best racket.

Well, love and learn.

Honey, I'm on a diet,
not a hunger strike.

Carol! Carol... Oh, hi.

- Hi, Kay.
- Hi, Wilbur.

Did I get a call from Fred
Briggs while I was gone?

No, honey.

That's funny. He said he'd call.

- The plans for his
beach house are ready.
- Fred Briggs.

Isn't he the man who directs
all those Western movies?

That's right. When you meet him,

you don't know whether
to shake hands or draw.

Honey, I noticed a
truckload of hay outside.

Did you order that?

Me? I thought you did.

No, I didn't order it.

Then the horse
must have ordered it.

You know, I wouldn't
put it past Ed.

I mean, I did
order it. I forgot.

Excuse me.

Carol, I read that Fred Briggs
is starting another picture.

Maybe you can get
him to hire Mr. Ed.

Hire Mr. Ed?

That's a wonderful idea.

That way your horse
can earn his keep.

Can he do any tricks?

Well, he has two specialties:

eating and sleeping.

You phoned the feed
store again, didn't you, Ed?

I thought I told you that I was the
one to give the orders around here.

That's the fourth load of hay
we had delivered this week.

Well, I'm hungry.

How come other horses
don't eat as much as you do?

'Cause they can't
phone the feed store.

I'm not trying to starve you.

I would just like to know
what is going on around here.

Oh, please, Wilbur.

Do I yell when you eat?

Wilbur, Kay just had
the most marvelous idea.

When Mr. Briggs comes over,

why don't you ask him if he'll
hire Mr. Ed for his new Western?

Gee, honey, I don't know.

But we have nothing to lose.

Honey, at least that way he'll
be helping to pay his own way.

All that hay he eats
is costing us a fortune.

I don't know, honey.

Mr. Briggs is coming over
to take a look at these plans

for his new beach house.

It doesn't seem
ethical to ask him

for a personal favor.

Well, think about
it, Wilbur, huh?

- Hello, neighbor.
- Hi, Roger.

What do you think?

- The Briggs beach house?
- Yeah.

Oh, boy. Fine. Yeah, great.

Hey, that's quite a racket
you got there, you know that?

Build a man a house and rent
him a horse at the same time.

Oh, that? Oh, no, no.

I told Carol to forget
about Kay's idea.

Kay's idea?

Don't tell me
my dear little wife

has been interfering
in your life again.

Take it easy, Roger.
She meant well.

The road to Reno is
paved with good intentions.

It's time that wife
of mine learned...

Don't start any arguments
with Kay on my account.

I told Carol that I am
not sending Ed to work,

and that is that.

- Honey?
- Hello, Fred.

Hi, Wilbur.

Fred, this is my
neighbor, Roger Addison.

- This is Fred Briggs.
- How do you do?

Honey, guess what.

Mr. Briggs said he'd use
Mr. Ed in his new movie.

I'm afraid my horse will not be
available for your picture, Fred.

Okay. Anything you say.

Now about these plans...

Wilbur, I think I'll run along.

Mr. Briggs, nice to meet you.

Yes. My pleasure.

And I'll see you folks
tonight for bridge?

My wife needs a few tips first.

She needs some instructions
on how to be a dummy.

- Bye, Roger.
- Bye.

Say, I like what you've
done with the rumpus room.

Thanks. But my idea
carried further along...

Mm-hmm.

Please get us
some coffee, Carol.

Yes.

And a carload of hay for Mr. Ed.

As I was saying about
the rumpus room...

Wilbur, will you
stop harping on Kay?

I think her idea was very good
about putting Mr. Ed to work.

Now please open
that bridge table.

The Addisons will
be here any minute.

You know, the next time
we agree on something,

I wish you would stick to it.

I thought I was
doing you a favor.

Well, you weren't.

Honey, I still say
there's nothing wrong

in Mr. Ed paying his way.

Fine. Ed makes a few dollars

and Briggs knocks a few
hundred off the price of my plans.

You're just being stubborn.

I don't think so.

Before we were
married, you agreed

that I would make
all the decisions

about money in this family.

All right, from now on you can.

Fine.

Would you put that in writing?

No.

I knew you didn't mean it.

Wilbur, you're just
being impossible tonight.

You started it.

You're always listening to Kay.

Ooh!

You and your arguments.

This is all your fault.

I didn't know what I was
doing, and you made me do it.

I'm blamed for
everything around here.

Look, now,

let's try to be civil while
the Addisons are here.

Let's not show them
how happy we are.

Yes, dear.

Now, Kay, I want
you to promise me

that you won't interfere
in their lives again.

I did not interfere.

Why do you have to make
the whole world miserable?

I'm married to you.
Let's keep it in the family.

Boy, are you stuffy.

- Oh, hello, Carol.
- Hi. Come on in.

Come, darling.

Hello, Kay.

Hello, Wilbur.
Bridge, bridge, bridge.

- You look beautiful.
- Well, thank you.

Roger. Well, what
would you like?

What would I like? The usual.

What would you like, sweetheart?

Nothing for me, darling.

Nothing for me,
either, sweetheart.

Wilbur, why are you limping?

Oh, it's not easy to
open a bridge table.

Is it, honey?

No, sweetheart.

Addison, one leg
is a little crooked.

I knew that when I married you.

Nut.

What did you say, dear?

Have a nut?

No, thank you, sweetheart.

I'll fix the table, Kay.

- Roger?
- Thank you.

Magazines ought to balance it.

- There we are.
- Pardon me.

Oh, Roger,

why don't you sit
here facing your wife,

and I'll sit here
facing my wife?

There we are.

Cut for deal?

Darling, the table
is still wobbly.

Addison, will you fix it?

Your wish is my
command, dear heart.

- Shall we cut?
- Yes.

Thank you.

Look what you've
done, you clumsy... doll.

It was an accident, sweetheart.

Don't blame him, Kay.

I told Wilbur the
table was still wobbly.

Oh, I'd better change.

Maybe we could
play some other night.

Yes, perhaps tomorrow night.

Darling, be careful.

I don't want you to
catch cold outside.

You spilled that drink
on purpose, you lummox!

What a stupid remark to make.

Are you calling me stupid?

You called me a nut in
there, and I warn you...

You'd better put
on my coat, darling.

Kay, you forgot your bag.

Oh. Thank you, Wilbur.

Well, good night again.

- Good night.
- Good night, Wilbur.

Good night, Roger.

I hope you're satisfied.

You ruined my whole evening.

If it weren't for
that darn horse,

we wouldn't even be arguing.

Honey, what's happening to us?

What are we arguing about?

Don't you know that I love you?

Don't you know that I love you?

Then what are we arguing about?

A silly thing like
putting Mr. Ed to work.

That's silly.

He doesn't have to work.

And give me one good
reason why he shouldn't.

Because I make enough money

to support a wife and a horse.

When we got married, it should
have been a three-ring ceremony.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

A horse wearing a ring.

Hello. Information?

I'd like the number of
Fred Briggs in Beverly Hills.

Whatever happened
to "Good morning"?

Oh. Carol and I had a
few words again last night.

- Well...
- Excuse me, Ed.

Hello.

Wilbur, my secretary just
gave me your message.

We'll pick up your horse
tomorrow morning at 6.

My horse?

But... listen, Fred...

No, don't bother
to thank me, Wilbur.

It was a pleasure.

I must get back on
the set. Good-bye.

That was Fred Briggs.

Carol went behind my back again.

She didn't call.

I called.

You?

That's right.

But I thought you
didn't want to go to work.

Changed my mind.

You're just trying to keep
peace in the family, aren't you?

Please, don't slobber over me.

I'm going to tell Carol.

Honey.

Honey, I've decided
to send Ed to work.

Oh, Wilbur!

You're such a wonderful husband!

Hey. Honey.

Don't talk. Just kiss me.

I will if you'll stop
sponging me.

Uhh!

Now I know how Kay felt

when Roger spilled
the drink on her.

I feel so terrible about that.

Here we've made up,
and they're still not talking

all on account of us.

Maybe we should go and
try to get them together.

Oh, let's! Honey,
you're so thoughtful.

No!

Lucky for me we didn't make
up while you were slicing bread.

Is this the only dirty spot in
the house... under my legs?

Don't talk to me.

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Do you intend to strike me?

I sneezed.

You could've said "Gesundheit."

But you just gave me specific
instructions not to talk to you.

Still, you could be civil.

When one of us sneezes,

the other should
say "Gesundheit."

Forgive me, my dear.

I've forgotten the rules of war.

In the nine years
we've been married, I...

19 years.

I don't count the ten
years we weren't speaking.

Now, paper, please.

Well, I see the rules
have just been amended.

Aren't you going
to answer the door?

Not until you gesundheit me.

Good morning.

Well, this is a
pleasant surprise.

Hi, Carol. Hello, Wilbur.

Hello, Kay.

Hi, Roger.

Have you made up yet?

Nice to see a friendly
face around here.

Well, we just dropped by to
tell you Ed's going to work.

- Well.
- He starts that picture
tomorrow.

- Good.
- What made you
change your mind?

I didn't want Carol
to be unhappy.

We just feel awful
when we're not talking.

Gesundheit, my dear.

And gesundheit to you, doll.

All right, this is a
run-through, everybody.

Get set, Brannigan.

Uh-oh.

Ready, Charles?

All right. Roll 'em.

Roll 'em!

Okay... action.

Okay, action.

Well, where's the horse?

Hmm.

Get that horse back
where he belongs.

Right away, Mr. Briggs.

All right, let's try it again.

Okay. Ready, Brannigan?

- Ready!
- Charles?

- All right, roll 'em.
- Roll 'em!

- Okay, action.
- Action.

Cut! Cut! Cut! What's
with that horse?

Maybe those gunshots
are scaring him, Mr. Briggs.

Well, they could
be. Bring him back.

- Yes, sir.
- Brannigan...

don't fire your gun this time.

We can put in the shots later.

- That's very good
thinking, Mr. Briggs.
- Thank you.

Don't mention it, sir.

All right, let's go!

Charles?

- All right, roll 'em.
- Roll 'em!

- Action.
- Action.

Lunch, everybody.

Who told you to call lunch?

I didn't say
anything, Mr. Briggs.

It must've been that
same wise guy again.

All right, everybody.
Take a five-minute break.

All right, everybody!
Five minutes!

Five minutes, everybody!

Hi, Fred. How's my horse doing?

Well, we've had
our share of trouble.

What's he doing over there?

I'll get him away.

Come on, Ed.

How's it going, Ed?

I'm quitting.

Get my unemployment insurance.

What's the matter?

They want me to carry

a 250-pound cowboy on my back.

I'll be bowlegged in two days.

Uh-oh. Here
comes hot lips again.

Isn't this Daphne,
the star of this picture?

Blow, honey. I'm not interested.

Well, Ed. easy.

She's worth a fortune.

When I marry...

it'll be for love, not money.

Oh. Is Daphne here
with this horse again?

George, I thought I
told you to get her ready.

I'm sorry, Mr. Briggs.
Come on, Daphne.

Now, uh...

Fred, maybe Ed isn't
cut out for movies.

- You want me
to take him home?
- I'm glad you asked me.

Frankly, I don't think
your animal is too bright.

Now, he's a little bit nervous.

You see, this is his first
time in front of a camera.

Incidentally, I have
the revised sketches

- for the beach house
whenever you have time.
- Oh, good.

I'll drop around when I'm free.

Okay, everybody, let's go!

Lunch!

Here you are. Fresh coffee.

Thanks. Sweetie, how long
will Mr. Ed be in that picture?

Mmm, about six weeks.

Wouldn't it be wonderful
if he became famous?

Oh, I can see your horse now,

walking down
Hollywood Boulevard,

wearing dark glasses,
signing autographs.

Hmm. What an imagination.

Carol, honey, do you think

it would be possible for Wilbur to get
us passes to watch him at the studio?

Why go to all that trouble?
Just turn your head and look.

Wilbur, what's he doing home?

Honey, it just didn't work out.

Excuse me.

Well, why? What...
What happened?

Well, they were
working him pretty hard,

and Ed was unhappy.

Unhappy?

If you ask me, you
never wanted that horse

to go to work
in the first place.

Uh, look, I never
butt in, but I...

- Gesundheit, sweetheart.
- I didn't sneeze.

You can do it in
the house. Come on.

So, you went back on your word.

Honey.

Come in.

- Oh.
- Hello, Wilbur.

Fred. Come on in.

Thanks.

Sit down, Fred.

No. No, thank you.

What's the matter?

I may have to cancel my plans

for the beach house.

Oh? Why? What happened?

It looks as though I may have
to stop production on my picture.

Daphne suddenly got sick.

Sick? Oh, that's funny.

She seemed all right yesterday.

That's just it.

The vet can't seem to find
anything wrong with her.

She just mopes around.

Fred, I... I have a hunch what
might be wrong with Daphne.

You have? What?

I think she's got a
crush on my horse.

Is that possible?

I mean with horses?

You heard about the
birds and the bees.

Well, the horses
are in on it, too.

Wait a minute.

Daphne was hanging around
your horse all day yesterday.

Maybe you're right.

Can I get him
back on the picture?

Well, uh... do I
finish my plans?

Well, yeah. Sure. You
got yourself a house.

You got yourself a horse.

Oh, may I use your phone?

Right behind you.

Hello, Mabel. Is George around?

Yes, I'll wait.

Uh, Fred, there are
a few little conditions

that you'll have to meet.

- You want more money?
- No, no, no.

It's about that 6 a.m. schedule.

My horse likes to sleep late.

Okay. We'll make it 7.

- Better make it 8.
- 8?

I mean 9.

Okay. 9.

And no heavy cowboys on Ed.

Maybe up to... oh, 110 pounds?

But no heavier.

About lunches... He
likes plenty of carrots.

Not the green
part. Cut that off.

Wilbur, doesn't Mr. Ed look
handsome standing there?

- He sure does.
- Okay, Charles.

Excuse me, honey.

All right. Places, everybody.

Places, everybody!

Fred, did you make
that little change

in the script the
way we discussed?

Yes. Yes.

Okay, let's have a run-through.

Run-through!

Places, everybody!

- Action.
- Action.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪♪

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Television presentation.