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1
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:58,232
WOMEN: ♪ ...are comin',
their sails are in sight ♪
2
00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:02,236
♪ Shrimp boats are a-comin',
there's dancin' tonight ♪
3
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,238
♪ Why don't you hurry,
hurry, hurry home ♪
4
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,110
♪ Why don't you hurry,
hurry, hurry home ♪
5
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:11,767
♪ Shrimp boats are a-comin',
there's dancin' tonight ♪
6
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:14,161
Marina, you gotta have
somebody look at that.
7
00:01:14,204 --> 00:01:16,076
I'm fine, Brandy.
The aspirins are helping.
8
00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:18,339
Me, I was drafted
in the last war.
9
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,732
They assigned me
to the enemy.
10
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:24,823
-WOMEN : Hey! Whoo!
-MEN: Hey!
11
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:29,480
Hey! Whoo! All right!
12
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,228
DRIVER:
Mortars! Get down!
13
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,802
-Are you hit?
-No. I'm okay.
14
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,065
It's her stomach.
She's been having pains.
15
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,590
-Let's check it out.
- Ow.
16
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,075
Battalion Aid asked me
to give these to you.
17
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,990
-What are they?
-The casualty reports.
18
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,992
Never thought I'd wind up
as a carrier pigeon.
19
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,823
Bad belly wound. Looks
like he stopped their
MiG with his stomach.
20
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,259
You'd better set up
some plasma.
21
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:14,264
Well, well. Since when did they
put a stewardess on this run?
22
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:17,180
She's with the U.S.O. Medic
thinks it's her appendix.
23
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,269
Right down my alley.
I wrote the book
on the appendix.
24
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,445
I even wrote the appendix,
but they took that out.
25
00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,752
Oh, it's okay. I'm fine.
26
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,884
-Oh! Oh!
-Ah ha ha!
27
00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:28,670
You showbiz folks, always
with the funny walks.
28
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,454
Direct me
to the nearest threshold.
29
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:33,762
How long have you
had these pains?
30
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,633
Just for a few days.
31
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,809
It wasn't too bad at first,
but now it hurts like heck.
32
00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,898
You can say "hell" here.
This is Korea.
33
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,204
If you can't
say "hell" in hell,
34
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,119
where in hell can you say it?
35
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,729
Now, before I take out
your appendix,
36
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,427
there's one question
I always like to ask.
37
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,429
Have you had
your appendix out before?
38
00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,605
Uh-uh. Will there be
a bad scar?
39
00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:53,956
Are you kidding?
You're talking to Al Capone's
personal plastic surgeon.
40
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,479
CHARLES: I must say, Pierce,
41
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:57,220
I certainly do envy
your surgical assignment.
42
00:02:57,264 --> 00:03:00,484
How I'd love to sink
my scalpel once again
43
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:01,703
into a simple appendix.
44
00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:03,487
It's such a useless
45
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,402
yet highly lucrative
little organ.
46
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,099
Yeah, well, this
useless little organ
47
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:09,319
should've been registered
as a concealed weapon.
48
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:12,192
Another couple of hours,
and it could've ruptured.
49
00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:14,977
You wanna snip that,
and then let's close.
50
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,414
I'm gonna do
a running subcuticular.
51
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:19,590
I promised her the scar
wouldn't be too noticeable.
52
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:22,767
Professional reasons.
She's with the U.S.O.
53
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,682
Margaret, I need another hand
with some retraction here.
54
00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:25,683
Pam?
55
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,121
-How's he doin'?
-Not too well.
56
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,123
It's gonna be touch-and-go.
57
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:33,169
Miss Ryan, I believe
you had a reservation
58
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,215
for a single with a view
of the other singles.
59
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:36,955
Hey, it's a gal.
60
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,697
I've seen her before.
She's a singer with U.S.O.
61
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,526
I caught her act at Kimpo.
Hey, Miss. Saw your show.
62
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,006
You're terrific.
63
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,182
Please, this is no time
to take a bow.
64
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,792
Frank, get us a screen
over here, will you?
65
00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:49,446
Could she
do a song later?
66
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:50,795
Nah. 'Fraid not.
67
00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:52,754
She opened and closed
in one night.
68
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:55,800
Just some light roadwork,
and stay off the heavy bag.
69
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:57,062
I'll see you
in the morning.
70
00:03:57,106 --> 00:03:58,499
Can you stay for a while?
71
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,240
No. You'd better
get some rest.
72
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,067
Besides, I have to get
over to the mess tent.
73
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:03,939
I'm working my way through
busboy school as a doctor.
74
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:12,600
If he improves, he's gonna
be a very sick young man.
75
00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,515
Yeah. It wouldn't hurt
76
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,168
to get Father Mulcahy to put
in a little overtime, huh?
77
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:17,561
B.J.:
Right.
78
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,307
That must be
Marina's troupe.
79
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,831
Hello. Anybody home?
80
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,398
Unless I'm mistaken,
81
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:30,444
that's Brandy Doyle,
the stripper.
82
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:31,967
How would you know?
83
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,143
Well, I saw her picture
in Lifemagazine.
84
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,753
Uh, fully clothed.
85
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,407
Oh, it can't be her.
86
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,801
The U.S.O. wouldn't send
a burlesque queen to Korea.
87
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,106
-Hello.
-Hello.
88
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,804
Oh, hello, Father.
89
00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:43,979
-Hiya, honey.
-Hi.
90
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,110
I'm Brandy Doyle.
91
00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:48,592
Oh, well,
how nice to meet you.
92
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,551
-Hi. I'm Sarah Miller.
-Hello.
93
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:51,987
And I'm Ellie Carlyle.
94
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,597
We were told
that Marina Ryan is here.
95
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,556
She sure is, and she's
doing real fine.
96
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:56,861
Oh, glad to hear it.
97
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,472
Say, nice place
you got here,
98
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,778
but once a week, you gotta
get someone in to dust.
99
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:04,173
You can do it, Rev.
You're a man of the cloth.
100
00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:05,740
You're very jocular.
101
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:08,743
This is our emcee--
Fast Freddie Nichols.
102
00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:10,222
Say,
as long as you're here,
103
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,659
maybe you could do a show
for our wounded?
104
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,182
Oh, as spokesman
for the group,
105
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,706
we'd love to, but our
schedule is very tight.
106
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,708
In fact, we're all drunk.
Ha ha ha!
107
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,144
Now, where's Marina?
108
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:20,494
Oh, this way. Come on.
I'll take you.
109
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,147
-Come along.
-Uh, Father,
110
00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:24,846
may I have a word
with you in private?
111
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:28,589
Of course. Of course.
This way.
112
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:33,594
Hey! Hiya, guys!
Yep. You are not dreaming.
113
00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:36,988
It is me in the flesh,
so to speak.
114
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,384
-Who is that?
-I don't know.
115
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:42,994
Great to be here in Korea,
116
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,866
-the country with a Seoul.
117
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,476
ELLIE:
How are you feeling?
118
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,392
Oh, much better. I had
to have an appendectomy.
119
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,394
I had trouble
with my appendix once,
120
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:52,830
but I couldn't
afford the operation,
121
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,615
so I had the doctor
touch up the X-ray.
122
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,704
Hey, these cookies are dirty.
Listen to this.
123
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,880
"Confucius say man
who chase woman in dark
124
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:00,055
often end up with"--
125
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,839
Ha ha ha! That's lovely.
126
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,624
-I got one about
a traveling salesman.
-Please. Fellas.
127
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:05,930
There are women present.
128
00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:08,803
Speak up so we can hear ya.
129
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,413
-That's the way.
130
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,023
What's all the laughing?
131
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:15,026
Oh, Doc, these are my U.S.O.
friends: Eleanor and Brandy.
132
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,376
Hi, Eleanor.
133
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:17,507
This is the wonderful man
who saved my life.
134
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,988
Oh, I just cut
along the dotted line.
135
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,424
MARINA: Fast Freddie,
meet Captain Pierce.
136
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,252
-Captain Pierce.
-Hawkeye.
137
00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:24,427
Suture self, doc.
138
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,428
Ha ha!
139
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,520
Oh, I don't believe
we've met.
140
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,566
Uh, Major Charles
Winchester. Hiya.
141
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,176
Winchester, huh?
142
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:36,483
You must be the big gun
around here.
143
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,963
I rarely get to meet
a man of your caliber.
144
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:41,401
Marina?
145
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:42,750
Marina?
146
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,665
Sarah, hi.
147
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,188
I want you to meet Dr. Pierce.
148
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:47,972
-This is Sarah Miller.
-Hi. How are you?
149
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:50,584
Nice to meet you.
Thanks for taking such
good care of Marina.
150
00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:52,237
Well, I'll tell you
how you can pay me back.
151
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,196
We can turn post-op
into a barn
152
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,111
so you can turn it
into a theater
and put on a show for us.
153
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,723
You can stay
with us for the night
and leave in the morning.
154
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,551
-No, they can't.
-Why?
155
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,640
We've gotta be on the road
to the 121st evac hospital.
156
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,207
It's not that far,
and the roads are good.
157
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,687
They haven't gotten around
to potholing them yet.
158
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,166
I'm sorry. We just have time
159
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,690
to grab a bite and move on.
160
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,518
I'll have the mess tent
prepare some food for you.
161
00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:12,693
SARAH: Thanks.
162
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,303
Just make sure
it's not chicken.
163
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,044
You know how the last base
killed their chickens?
164
00:07:16,087 --> 00:07:18,916
They fed 'em
the French toast.
165
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,875
Hey, these guys
know comedy.
166
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,529
Freddie, they love you.
167
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,313
Why don't we stay
and do the show?
168
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:25,662
Oh, I don't know.
169
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,403
-Oh, come on.
-ALL: Come on, Freddie.
170
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,883
You wanna talk
about army food?
171
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:31,015
Those chickens
were classified 4-F:
172
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:33,148
fowl, fowl, fowl, fowl.
173
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:38,283
-Oh, we'll do a show.
174
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:43,288
Don't tell me you think
that guy is funny?
175
00:07:43,332 --> 00:07:45,769
He's the worst comedian
I ever heard in my life.
176
00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:48,511
Then why are you laughing?
177
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:49,773
I don't know.
178
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,345
I don't believe it.
179
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:01,524
Hey, what do two drunks
do when they meet?
180
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:02,873
BOTH: They shake!
181
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,443
It is you!
Fast Freddie Nichols,
182
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,532
the funniest man ever
to set foot on his ankles!
183
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,536
Oh, he also does
cerebral humor.
184
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,060
No. For cerebral humor,
he walks on his head.
185
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:18,236
I'm Corporal Max Klinger.
You won't believe this,
186
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,717
but once, I drove six hours
to catch your act.
187
00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:22,240
And your nose
made it in five.
188
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,636
Nose made it in five!
Is the man a genius?
189
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,551
He finds one insignificant
little trait
190
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,379
and instantly
turns it into comedy.
191
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,250
Yes, ma'am, I'm prouder
than a peacock
192
00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:34,383
to have a star
of your magnitude
193
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,254
right here in our midst.
194
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:38,213
Well, aren't you
the little charmer?
195
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:39,257
Ha ha ha!
196
00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:40,694
Many's the time
197
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:43,087
you've beguiled this
wide-eyed young doughboy
198
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,568
back in K.C. in the old
Gaiety Theater.
199
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,570
You caught my act?
200
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,877
Heck, one time
I caught your garter.
201
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,271
To this day,
every time I watch
a C-42 revvin' up,
202
00:08:53,315 --> 00:08:55,752
I think about how you used
to spin those tassels.
203
00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:58,494
Well, there's more
than one way to use
a runway, Colonel.
204
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,453
Wonderful news, everybody.
205
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:02,890
We've cleared out
a space in post-op
206
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,108
so you can
set up for your show.
207
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,457
HAWKEYE: Terrific!
208
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,590
We got a bunkhouse
for these gypsies?
209
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,287
We've prepared
the VIP tent.
210
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,202
Sarah and Eleanor, we've
put your things in there.
211
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,074
Well, that takes care
of the young 'uns.
212
00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:15,903
Now, Brandy, why don't you
and Margaret buddy up?
213
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:16,904
Oh.
214
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,734
Yes. That would be nice.
215
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,303
Good evening,
ladies and germs.
216
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,003
I planned to have you
laying in the aisles,
217
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,439
but I see someone
beat me to it.
218
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:33,660
I'd like to thank
Colonel Potter
219
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,139
for this wonderful reception.
220
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,794
Even though we didn't
get married.
221
00:09:38,969 --> 00:09:40,580
But seriously, folks,
222
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:42,451
Colonel Potter is really,
really a great guy.
223
00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:43,670
A military genius.
224
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:44,975
First thing he said to me
225
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,847
was "Gotta get those Krauts."
226
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,718
It's pretty noisy
in here.
227
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,154
Do you think we should
move Nowicki?
228
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:52,635
No. Leave him alone.
Might do him some good.
229
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:53,897
So I bit him.
230
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:54,985
On the other hand,
231
00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:56,857
But enough of my bits.
232
00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:00,643
Here's someone who you could
really sink your teeth into.
233
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:03,559
A hell of a girl,
Miss Brandy Doyle!
234
00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:17,355
♪ Cuddle, cuddle up
a little closer ♪
235
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:21,011
♪ Love-lovey mine
236
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:22,883
♪ Cuddle, cuddle up
237
00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:24,841
♪ And be my little ♪
238
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:28,540
♪ Clinging vine
239
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:32,240
♪ Like to see your
cheeks so rosy ♪
240
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:36,244
♪ Like to make you
comfy-cozy ♪
241
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:40,465
♪ 'Cause I love
from head to toesie ♪
242
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:42,467
♪ Love-lovey mine
243
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:45,514
It hurts when I do this.
It hurts when I do this.
244
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:46,689
SOLDIER:
What'd you say?
245
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,430
Shh. I'm rehearsing.
246
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:51,215
♪ Love-lovey mine
247
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,304
It hurts when I do this.
248
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,745
♪ Clinging vine
249
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:11,322
♪ 'Cause I love
from head to toesie ♪
250
00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:15,326
♪ Love-lovey mine ♪
251
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:18,982
♪Like to see
your cheeks so rosy ♪
252
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:22,986
♪ Like to make you
comfy-cozy ♪
253
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:26,686
♪'Cause I love
from hea to toesie ♪
254
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,426
♪ Love ♪
255
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:31,778
♪ Love-lovey mine
256
00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:41,222
And now here is something
for all you music buffs.
257
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,137
And I oughta know
258
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,313
because many a times I've
worked to music in the buff.
259
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:50,927
Miss Ellie Carlyle
and her squeezable Steinway!
260
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,195
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
261
00:11:58,239 --> 00:12:00,720
I would like to dedicate
this next tune
262
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:03,897
to a really swell guy
with a head to match.
263
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:06,551
Thank you very much.
264
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,654
I'll always be grateful
to you for saving my life.
265
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:25,353
Oh, it's nothing.
The only tricky part
266
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:28,356
was remembering if the appendix
was on the right or the left.
267
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:31,011
Oh, Oh, Please.
It hurts when I laugh.
268
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,577
Then take two
Fast Freddie jokes.
269
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:33,883
You'll feel better
in no time.
270
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:41,673
Here we are
at the doctor place!
271
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,501
The horse-pistol.
272
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:45,982
First I need my nurse.
273
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,202
Nurse! Where's the nurse?
274
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:54,599
Is there something
I can do for you, doctor?
275
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:58,865
Oh, ja.I'll talk
about that later
in your pup tent.
276
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:00,910
But first, bring me
the talcum powder.
277
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,085
Where's
the talcum power?
278
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,913
Yes, doctor.
Walk this way.
279
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,306
If I could walk that way,
280
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,655
I wouldn't need
the talcum powder.
281
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,354
I need a patient.
Where's the patient?
282
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,182
Oh, sir?
283
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:15,011
Oh, here you are.
You look like a heel.
284
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:18,188
Dr. Kinderspiel
will see you now.
285
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:29,765
Now, young man,
what seems to be
the probl-bl-blem?
286
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:32,463
My arm hurts.
287
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,291
Well, don't-- What?
288
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:36,990
My arm hurts.
289
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,992
Uh, well, uh, Dummkopf,
290
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:41,559
don't you mean
it hurts when I do this?
291
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,300
Then don't do that.
292
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,916
You got the wrong line.
293
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:52,309
Oh, what a lovely
jacket you're wearing.
294
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,181
Somewhere a horse
is freezing.
295
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:57,271
I can't find the line.
What do I do?
296
00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:58,402
Get out.
297
00:13:58,446 --> 00:13:59,882
-But--
-Get out!
298
00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:05,932
There is only one cure
for such an illness:
299
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,281
a young lady will come out
300
00:14:07,324 --> 00:14:09,326
and sing us all back
to good health.
301
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,894
Give her a big hand--
Miss Sarah Miller!
302
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,553
Thank you. I'd like
to sing you a song
303
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,207
that's very special to me.
304
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,817
My brother taught it to me.
305
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,558
It's called
"Sweet Molly Malone."
306
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:29,303
♪In Dublin's fair city ♪
307
00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:31,958
♪ Where the girls
are so pretty ♪
308
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:37,746
♪ I first set my eyes
on sweet Molly Malone ♪
309
00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:40,880
♪ She wheeled a wheelbarrow
310
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:43,578
♪ Through streets
broad and narrow ♪
311
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:46,929
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
312
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:50,715
♪ A-live-a-live-o
313
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:53,936
Everybody knows this song.
Why don't you join in with me?
314
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,939
♪ A-live-a-live-o
315
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,681
♪ A-live-a-live-o
316
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:02,945
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
317
00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:06,949
♪ A-live-a-live-o
318
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,777
My usual singing partner
319
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:10,648
is not able to be
on stage with me tonight,
320
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,737
but she is, however,
in the audience,
321
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,131
and maybe we could all
persuade her to join me.
322
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:27,491
♪ She was a fishmonger,
and that was no wonder ♪
323
00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:32,757
♪ For so were her father
and mother before ♪
324
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,023
Does anybody else
know this song?
325
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,285
I do.
326
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:39,939
Hey! Margaret!
327
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,157
NURSE: Major!
328
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,463
Come on up.
329
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,987
Major Houlihan. All right.
330
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,858
Ahem.
331
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:51,428
♪ She was a fishmonger
332
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:54,127
♪ And that was no wonder
333
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:59,132
♪ For so were her father
and mother before ♪
334
00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:01,786
♪ They each wheeled
their barrows ♪
335
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,528
♪ Through streets
broad and narrow ♪
336
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,401
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
337
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:11,796
♪ A-live-a-live-o
338
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,364
♪ A-live-a-live-o
339
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,758
♪ A-live-a-live-o
340
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:19,326
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
341
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:24,418
♪ A-live-a-live-o
342
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:32,513
You wanna know
something, honey?
343
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:35,211
I get the feeling I make
you kind of nervous.
344
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:36,734
No. No.
345
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:39,999
Well, you and I are
not all that different.
346
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:43,350
I mean, I'm just
like any other woman.
347
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:44,655
No, you're not.
348
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:46,831
We all take our pants off
349
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:48,398
one leg at a time.
350
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,707
You know, I'd give anything
351
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,057
to have a gorgeous
head of hair like yours.
352
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,538
Ah! Thank you!
353
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,148
I was just thinking
the same thing
354
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,715
about your lovely
head of hair.
355
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,717
How do you manage
to keep it so beautiful?
356
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,545
Oh, simple.
357
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:06,851
I give it the night off.
358
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:10,855
I never would've guessed.
359
00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:14,685
My ex-husband gave me that
for our third anniversary.
360
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:17,862
Right after that, we split up.
361
00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:22,345
Oh, but those were three
beautiful months.
362
00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:24,608
I learned to get
the anniversaries in
363
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:26,219
as fast as I could.
364
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:28,351
That's just about as long
as I was married.
365
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,266
I see I'm not the only
one in this tent
366
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,094
who knows what it's
like to be lonely.
367
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:34,053
The nights
can get sort of empty
368
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,185
when all you've got
to curl up with is a pillow.
369
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:40,624
At least with the people here,
they're like your family.
370
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,105
But they're mostly just kids.
371
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,238
Oh, not that Colonel Potter.
372
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,804
Ha ha ha ha.
373
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:49,807
Oh, he's a real doll.
374
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:53,985
I got a good mind
to sashay right over
to his tent
375
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:56,988
and make his experience
at the Gaiety Theater
376
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:59,643
seem like a church social.
377
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,559
Colonel Potter is
a very happily married man.
378
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:05,736
So were my five husbands
till they met me.
379
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:08,870
Oh, don't worry.
380
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,828
I'm leaving first thing
in the morning.
381
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:14,528
So tonight
it's just you and me, kid.
382
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:16,225
And the old pillow.
383
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:20,751
How'd you sleep?
384
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,013
Wonderfully.
385
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:24,407
-I envy you.
-Didn't you sleep well?
386
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:27,149
A cup of coffee would've
gotten a better night's sleep.
387
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,412
That's one
of Freddie's jokes.
388
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,371
I knew
I heard that somewhere!
389
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:34,809
Must've been
around 4:30 this morning.
390
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,898
-How you feeling?
-Great.
391
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:41,163
Thanks to a, certain
wonderful doctor I know.
392
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:43,731
Oh, I'll bet you say that
393
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,036
to all the wonderful
doctors you know.
394
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,953
Oh, no. I mean it.
You're special.
395
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,045
Um...
396
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:56,178
regulations.
These hands are on duty.
397
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:01,227
He's finally started
to show some improvement.
398
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:04,404
Vital signs are stable.
Temperature's down.
399
00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:06,841
He seems to be much better.
He's awake now.
400
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,018
How you doin', Nowicki?
401
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:13,848
How you feelin'?
402
00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:16,372
I know it's hard to talk,
403
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:19,549
but you're comin' along
just fine.
404
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,072
Watch out for Nurse Kellye,
though.
405
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,031
She likes the weak,
silent type.
406
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,949
Keep him on the D-5
and half saline solution
407
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:30,299
-at 125 CC's per hour.
-Right.
408
00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:32,083
Nunzio's Chez Paris,
Hoboken, New Jersey.
409
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,302
-You guys gonna come?
410
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:34,999
Sure. It's the least we can do
411
00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,523
for the man who put plastic
doggie doo in our bunks.
412
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:39,003
Klinger,
you'd better get that.
413
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:40,701
Okay, but first
a quick good-bye.
414
00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:43,051
Freddie, I just wanna say
what an indescribable thrill
415
00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:44,400
it's been for me
to have the pleasure--
416
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:45,532
-Klinger!
417
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:46,620
Yeah, so long, everybody!
418
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,230
Hoboken, New Jersey.
419
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,623
Say, is that anywhere
near Princeton?
420
00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:50,798
-KLINGER: So long!
421
00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:52,713
Bye. Yeah. Come on. And--
422
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,106
BOTH: 1, 2, 3, 4.
423
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,238
Terrific!
424
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:59,067
-I got it!
425
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,764
Ho, ho, ho!
426
00:20:00,808 --> 00:20:03,550
-You're terrific.
-Oh, that goes double for me.
427
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:06,248
Miss Doyle, it's been
a real hoot and a holler.
428
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:09,120
Anybody who can bring a little
sunshine to this gloomy place
429
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:11,297
gets an eternal
graciasfrom me.
430
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,037
Oh, thank you.
You know, Sherm,
431
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,257
we'll probably never
see one another again,
432
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:18,173
and I'd hate myself
if I didn't do this.
433
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,787
Come on, folks. It's just
a handshake with lips.
434
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:27,965
Good-bye, Father.
Thanks again for your help.
435
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:30,925
Good-bye, Sarah. I wish you
good luck in your search.
436
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:32,013
So do I.
437
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:33,362
-All right.
-Bye-bye.
438
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,016
Everybody on the truck.
We're moving out.
439
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:37,932
KLINGER: Wait! Wait!
Don't anybody move!
440
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:40,369
-Klinger, one good-bye
to a customer.
-No, no, no.
441
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,806
That was G-2 on the phone.
There's an all-out offensive.
442
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:44,982
All roads are restricted
to troop convoys only.
443
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:47,420
-Nobody can leave.
You've been held over.
444
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:50,292
Hey, Freddie. Shake!
445
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:56,559
FREDDIE:
So the guy with the shovel
446
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,257
walks up to the streetcar
conductor and says,
447
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,520
"Mother-in-law? I thought
that was your cat!"
32854
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