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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:04,370 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 2 00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:08,139 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪ 3 00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,141 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 4 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:16,381 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪ 5 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:18,617 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 6 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,620 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 7 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,667 ♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪ 8 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,735 ♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪ 9 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,671 - ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪ - HI-YAH! 10 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,127 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 11 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,797 ♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪ 12 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,843 ♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪ 13 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,035 ♪ AND ALL MANKIND DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪ 14 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,571 ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪ 15 00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:43,108 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪ 16 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,243 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 17 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,813 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 18 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,416 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 19 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:55,754 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 20 00:00:55,822 --> 00:01:00,525 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 21 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:04,530 ♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN... WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪ 22 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,531 ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪ 23 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:16,408 ♪♪ THIS IS DIRTY DOZENS. 24 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,410 NOW ENTERING OUR STUDIO, 25 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:21,146 A VIDEO STORE CLERK FROM HOUSTON'S FIFTH WARD... 26 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:23,147 AMFENY CLARK. 27 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,755 A BICYCLE MESSENGER FROM UPTOWN NEW YORK... 28 00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,891 T-DOG JENKINS. 29 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:38,496 AND A HOUSEWIFE FROM CLEARWATER, FLORIDA... 30 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,699 KATIE CORELL. 31 00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,870 AND NOW THE HOST OF DIRTY DOZENS... 32 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,473 STU DUNFEY! 33 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:52,610 OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH. HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE DIRTY DOZENS, 34 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,247 WHERE TALKIN' TRASH CAN GET YOU CASH. 35 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,415 SO, IF YOU LISTEN, YOU'LL HEAR SOME DISSIN'. 36 00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,664 ALL RIGHTY. LET'S LOOK AT OUR CATEGORIES. 37 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,621 YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID. 38 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,458 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT. 39 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,460 YOUR MAMA'S SO OLD. 40 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,463 AND POT LUCK. 41 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,532 T-DOG, START US OFF. 42 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:18,003 I'LL TAKE YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID, UH, FOR A HUNDRED, STU. 43 00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:20,538 ALL RIGHTY. YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID... 44 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:24,643 YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID, SHE JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW, AND THE HO WENT UP. 45 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:28,713 YES. 46 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,715 T-DOG GETS A HUNDRED. 47 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:34,118 SO LET'S REVEAL THE FIRST PIECE OF TONIGHT'S MYSTERY DIS. 48 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,556 CARE TO TAKE A GUESS, T-DOG? 49 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:42,393 UH, YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, UH, THEY HAD TO BAPTIZE HER AT SEA WORLD? 50 00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,395 HOO, HOO, HOO. 51 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:48,066 NICE DIS, BUT NO. 52 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,368 YOU STILL HAVE CONTROL OF THE BOARD, T-DOG. 53 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,837 I THINK I WILL STICK WITH STUPID, STU. 54 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,606 AND STUPID YOU GET. 55 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,409 YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID... 56 00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:01,713 UH, YEAH. YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID, IT TAKES HER TWO HOURS TO WATCH 60 MINUTES. 57 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,715 CORRECT. 58 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,950 AMFENY IN THE HOUSE WITH 200. 59 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,086 - AMFENY, WHAT'LL IT BE? - STUPID FOR 300. 60 00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:12,791 OKAY. YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID... 61 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:17,295 YOUR MOTHER'S SO STUPID, SHE SCORED BELOW AVERAGE ON A RECENT I.Q. TEST. 62 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,531 OOH. 63 00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,633 NO. I'M SORRY. ANYBODY? 64 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,068 YEAH. YOUR MAMA'S SO STUPID, 65 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:27,105 SHE ASKED FOR A PRICE CHECK AT THE 99-CENT STORE. 66 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,341 YES. 67 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,543 NOW, THAT'S ONE STUPID MAMA. 68 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,479 AMFENY CONTROLS THE BOARD. 69 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,482 UH, STU, I'LL TAKE POT LUCK FOR 100. 70 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,218 WILD CARD CATEGORY. LET'S GET THE 411. 71 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,353 YOUR MAMA'S SO SHORT. 72 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,457 YOUR MAMA'S SO SHORT, SHE POSES FOR TROPHIES. 73 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,831 CASTING ASPERSIONS ON YOUR MAMA. WHAT'S NEXT, T-DOG? 74 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,034 I WILL STICK WITH POT LUCK, FOR 200, STU. 75 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,969 AND THIS ONE IS... OOH. 76 00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,405 YOUR MAMA'S SO STANK. 77 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:03,653 YOUR MAMA'S SO STANK, SHE'S REALLY UNPLEASANT TO BE AROUND. 78 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,711 NO. UP FOR GRABS. 79 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,749 YOUR MAMA'S SO UGLY, WHEN SHE SITS IN THE SAND, THE CAT TRIES TO BURY HER. 80 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,751 OH. JUDGES? 81 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,753 NO. 82 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:18,222 I'M SORRY. WE CAN'T ACCEPT THAT. THE CATEGORY WAS MAMA'S SO STANK. 83 00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,725 NOT MAMA'S SO UGLY. STANK. 84 00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:24,040 BUT YOU STILL HAVE CONTROL OF THE BOARD, AMFENY. 85 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,231 YEAH, UH, LET'S GO TO FAT FOR A HUNDRED. 86 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,067 OKAY. YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT... 87 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,147 YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE SAT ON A QUARTER... 88 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,872 AND SQUEEZED A BOOGER OUT OF GEORGE WASHINGTON'S NOSE. 89 00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:46,118 WHOOT. THERE IT IS. 90 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:51,989 I THINK I WILL STICK WITH YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, FOR 200, STU. 91 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,058 ALL RIGHTY. YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT... 92 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,061 UH, YEAH. YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT, WHEN SHE SITS AROUND THE HOUSE, 93 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,063 I MEAN SHE REALLY SITS AROUND THE HOUSE. 94 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,434 I'M DOWN WITH THAT. PICK AGAIN. 95 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,003 UH, LET'S GO TO POT LUCK FOR 300. 96 00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:08,707 LAST IN THE CATEGORY. YOUR MAMA'S SO NASTY. 97 00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:12,477 YOUR MAMA'S SO NASTY, THE PUNK BITCH... 98 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,413 ONLY CHANGES HER STANKY, FUNKY DRAWERS... 99 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,415 EVERY 10,000 MILES. 100 00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,455 WORD TO YOUR MAMA. 101 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,990 LOOKS LIKE KATIE'S DOWN WITH O.P.P. 102 00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:29,427 AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ON THE BOARD WITH 300. 103 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,764 KATIE... OH, BUT LOOK AT THAT. WE'RE OUT OF TIME. 104 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,412 HEY, WE'LL HAVE TO REVEAL THE MISSING PIECES AND HAVE A LOOK AT THE MYSTERY DIS. 105 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,670 THE CATEGORY IS... MAMA'S SO FAT. 106 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,906 T-DOG. 107 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,908 UH. YOUR MAMA'S BUTT IS SO BIG, 108 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,344 IT LOOKS LIKE TWO PIGS FIGHTIN' OVER A MILK DUD. 109 00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:50,081 CORRECT! AND THAT GIVES T-DOG THE GAME! 110 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,283 SO COME ON OVER FOR THE LIGHTNING ROUND. 111 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,986 OH! 112 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:58,056 NICELY DONE, SIR. LET'S MEET... 113 00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:00,358 LET'S MEET... YOUR CHALLENGER. 114 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,527 THE REIGNING FOUR-TIME DIRTY DOZENS CHAMPION, 115 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,096 AND MY MAIN MAN... SCOTTY J.! 116 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,899 ♪♪ 117 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:13,939 AH, THE TERMINATOR IN THE HOUSE. 118 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,474 YOU BOTH KNOW THE RULES. THIS IS THE LIGHTNING ROUND. 119 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,577 DOZENS FROM ANY CATEGORY ARE ACCEPTED. 120 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,579 THE FIRST MAN TO FLINCH IS ELIMINATED. 121 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:23,081 ALL RIGHT. ON YOUR MARKS... AND GO. 122 00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,784 YOUR MAMA GUMS IS SO BLACK, SHE SPITS YOO-HOO. 123 00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,786 OUCH. 124 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,638 YOUR MOTHER'S TEETH SO ROTTEN, WHEN SHE SMILE, 125 00:06:29,662 --> 00:06:31,234 IT LOOK LIKE SHE GOT A MOUTHFUL OF DICE. 126 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,992 FRESH. 127 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,406 YOUR MOTHER'S SO OLD, WHEN GOD SAID, "LET THERE BE LIGHT," 128 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,730 SHE HIT THE SWITCH. 129 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,367 T-DOG. DOPE. 130 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:45,603 LIKE, YOUR MOTHER'S SO FAT, SHE EATS BISCUITS LIKE TIC TACS. 131 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:48,072 FRESH. 132 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,686 COME ON. YOUR MAMA SO BLACK, THE POLICE SHOT AT HER, 133 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,670 AND THE BULLETS CAME BACK FOR FLASHLIGHTS. 134 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,459 WHAT'S UP? YOUR MOTHER GOT A MOUTH IN THE BACK OF HER NECK. 135 00:06:57,483 --> 00:07:00,718 THE WITCH CHEW LIKE THIS. BACK TO YOU. 136 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,266 YOUR MAMA GOT A LEG RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT THERE. 137 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,269 THE WITCH WALK LIKE THIS. PROPER. 138 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,093 YOUR MAMA'S SO UGLY... YOUR MAMA UGLY! 139 00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:10,362 MAMA SO UGLY, WHEN A PERSON COME UP TO HER WITH A CAT... 140 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,999 AND THAT AIN'T THE CAT. 141 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:18,202 - FRESH. - COME ON! COME ON! COME ON! 142 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,249 YOUR MAMA GOT A EAR RIGHT HERE. SHE TALKIN' ABOUT... 143 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,802 I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. 144 00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,877 TO YOU. WHAT'S UP? 145 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,147 ♪♪ 146 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,018 WOW. 147 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,153 FOLKS. FOLKS. 148 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,155 THERE YOU HAVE IT. 149 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,224 T-DOG IS OUR CHAMPION. 150 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,637 JOIN US TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF THE DIRTY DOZENS. 151 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,594 GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. 152 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,775 SOME CONTESTANTS ON THE DIRTY DOZENS WILL RECEIVE... 153 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,732 DRY NOTION ANTIPERSPIRANT... 154 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,869 MADE FOR A MAN, BUT STRONG ENOUGH FOR YOUR MAMA. 155 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,704 ♪♪ ♪ ROCKS I DON'T GOT 'CAUSE I WORK LAST ♪ 156 00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:55,974 ♪ PLATINUM FRONTS, MAN I JUST LET THAT PASS ♪ 157 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,309 ♪ GOT CASH, NOPE BUT I WANT IT WHILE I ♪ 158 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,778 ♪ GOTTA PAY RENT AND BILLS SO I TRY ♪ 159 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,780 ♪ 'CAUSE I HAVE TO PAY FOR MINOR OR MAJOR ♪ 160 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:05,250 ♪ YEAH, I WANNA PLACE MINE ON MY FAMES ♪ 161 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,418 ♪ I WANT TO CHILL IT GIVE ME ALL THE DOUGH, YO ♪ 162 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,653 ♪ MY OWN HOUSE AND FINANCIAL PORTFOLIO ♪ 163 00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:11,990 ♪ OH, NO, THAT AIN'T WHAT I NEED TO SURVIVE ♪ 164 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,292 ♪ A BROTHER GOTTA BE BAD FOR A MOTHER TO THRIVE ♪ 165 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,339 ♪ EARLY IN THE MORNIN' WITH THAT HALF-DAY'S FACE ♪ 166 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:19,364 ♪ SOMETHIN' WEIGHIN' ON MY MIND WITH THAT NASTY TASTE IN MY MOUTH ♪ 167 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,366 ♪ KNOWIN' THAT I HAVE NO LUCK GOT NO MONEY ♪ 168 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,868 ♪ NEED SOME GAS FOR THIS BROKE-ASS TRUCK ♪♪ 169 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,207 I HATE GOIN' TO THE BEACH, 170 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,710 'CAUSE I'M FLATTER THAN A MICHAEL BOLTON HIGH NOTE. 171 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:36,714 OH. I USED TO HATE IT, TOO, BEFORE I DISCOVERED THESE. 172 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:39,350 OKAY, SUN, DO YOUR THING. 173 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,823 LAURIE, YOU GOT BREAST IMPLANTS? 174 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,825 YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THOSE ARE? 175 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,827 OH, CALM DOWN, SERENA. 176 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:53,931 THEY'RE BALL PARK BREAST IMPLANTS. 177 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,103 - BALL PARK BREAST IMPLANTS? - YEAH. THEY PLUMP WHEN YOU COOK 'EM. 178 00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:02,674 JUST APPLY HEAT, AND OUT THEY POP... TENDER, PERKY, JUICY. 179 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,942 AND THEY'RE GREAT BETWEEN A BUN. 180 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,281 SEE? 181 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,482 YEAH, BUT ARE THEY SAFE? 182 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:15,219 IS A HOT DOG SAFE? THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 183 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:18,923 BALL PARK BREAST IMPLANTS ARE MADE OF 100% NATURAL ANIMAL LIPS, 184 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,626 TONGUES, EARS AND ENTRAILS. 185 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,464 EXACTLY WHAT HOT DOGS ARE MADE OUT OF. 186 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:29,534 YEAH, BUT WHAT IF YOU WANT TO, YOU KNOW, TAKE THEM OUT? 187 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,070 OH, SERENA, THAT'S EASY. 188 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,505 ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS EAT THEM. 189 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,475 JUST MAKE SURE YOU HEAT THEM THOROUGHLY. 190 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,846 AH! 191 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:45,016 - OH! - THEY'RE STILL PLUMPING. 192 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:49,020 THIS IS AMAZING. MAYBE I SHOULD GET BALL PARK IMPLANTS TOO. 193 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,056 WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU MOVED UP FROM THE MINORS. 194 00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:59,431 HEY, LADIES. GOT SOME MUSTARD FOR THESE BUNS? 195 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,433 OOH! 196 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:04,202 NOW THAT I'VE GOT A BALL PARK BUTT ENHANCER, 197 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,637 I CAN HANG WITH THE HOMEBOYS ANYTIME. 198 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:09,007 HEY, ARSENIO! HOOH! HOOH! HOOH! 199 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:13,110 BETTER MOVE ON. YOU ARE BLOCKIN' MY SUN. 200 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:18,349 BALL PARK BREAST IMPLANTS AND BALL PARK BUTT ENHANCER. 201 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:22,053 AVAILABLE IN CHICKEN, TURKEY AND NEW "LITE" VARIETIES. 202 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,488 THEY PLUMP WHEN YOU COOK 'EM. 203 00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:27,925 ♪♪ 204 00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,142 WELCOME TO THE FINAL ROUND OF THE 12th ANNUAL... 205 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,311 AFRICAN-AMERICAN REVIVAL COMPETITION. 206 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:39,003 HELLO. I'M HARV FIRESTONE, AND I'M HERE WITH A MAN WHO HAS NO TROUBLE BEING HEARD. 207 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,640 OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT COMMENTATOR JOHN "SUPER BOWL" MADDEN. 208 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:46,010 THANK YOU, HARV. TONIGHT, IN ADDITION TO SOME EXCITING PERFORMANCES, 209 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,346 WE'RE GONNA GET SOME OF THAT REAL GOOD PEACH COBBLER. 210 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,614 SISTER SADIE'S GONNA BE SELLIN' IT DOWNSTAIRS 211 00:10:50,638 --> 00:10:52,417 IN THE LOCKER ROOM RIGHT AFTERWARDS. 212 00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,464 SO LET'S MOVE ON, SHALL WE? 213 00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,421 IT LOOKS LIKE OUR JUDGES ARE IN PLACE. 214 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,468 LET'S GO TO THE COMPETITION. 215 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:02,193 OUR FIRST COMPETITOR IS A MEMBER OF THAT GREATER MOUNT OLIVE ADULT CHOIR. 216 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,908 THAT'S A REAL GOOD BUNCH THERE. AND WHEN YOU 217 00:11:03,932 --> 00:11:05,641 HEAR "REVIVAL," YOU JUST THINK OF ONE NAME... 218 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,599 MS. ROSETTA McKEE. 219 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,601 HOW RIGHT YOU ARE. IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE MS. ROSETTA AGAIN. 220 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,448 I'M A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF HER HUSBAND'S... A GREAT JAI ALAI PLAYER. 221 00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:16,674 A TWO-TIME GOLD MEDALIST, SHE CERTAINLY IS A FAVORITE HERE. 222 00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:20,744 - MY LORD! MY LORD! - MY LORD! 223 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,915 OH, MERCY! MERCY! MERCY! MERCY! 224 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:26,684 MERCY! OHH! MERCY! 225 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:30,188 MERCY! MERCY! 226 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:33,291 OH, MERCY! MERCY! MERCY! MERCY! 227 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,027 WELL, THAT'S INCREDIBLE. THAT'S JUST SMASH-MOUTH. 228 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:39,430 THAT'S FLAT OUT. SHE BROUGHT THE WHOLE LOAD THERE. 229 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,866 SHE GOES INTO WHAT THEY CALL THE "STOMPIN' SAINT SHUFFLE." 230 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:45,502 BUT THAT VIBRATIN' MIGHT COST. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE INSTANT REPLAY. 231 00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:48,006 SHE... BOOM! SHE NAILS THE TRIPLE "MY LORD," 232 00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,052 BUT THEN SHE STARTS RUNNIN' INTO A LITTLE INTERFERENCE RIGHT HERE... 233 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,010 WITH THE DOUBLE-REVERSE "MERCY, MERCY." 234 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,189 RIGHT, HARV. STOP IT RIGHT THERE. NOW, YOU SEE THAT? 235 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:57,360 SHE IS CLEARLY CABBAGE PATCHING. DEFINITE VIOLATION. 236 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,361 THAT'S RIGHT. LET'S SEE IF THE JUDGES ARE GONNA BE MERCIFUL. 237 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,953 OH! A 5.0. 238 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:05,322 OH! TOUGH BREAK FOR SISTER ROSETTA. 239 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,536 NEXT UP IS A DEACONESS FROM LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY... 240 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,660 MRS. DARLINE WHITTIKER. 241 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:13,330 NOW, TO ME, DARLINE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE REAL CLASS OF THE COMPETITION. 242 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:17,001 A WELL-KNOWN AGNOSTIC. HO! HO! HO! 243 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,236 GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! 244 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,306 HI! BATTER, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER! 245 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,819 - DIGGETY-DIG! DIGGETY-DIG! - I DON'T BELIEVE IT! 246 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,821 SHE'S TALKIN' IN TONGUES, AND SHE'S DOWN! 247 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,823 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AMAZING. LOOK AT... 248 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:30,414 OH, AND SHE'S BACK UP! 249 00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,117 WOO WOO WOO! NYUK, NYUK! 250 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:37,054 DOWN AGAIN. THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE HER AN EIGHT COUNT. 251 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:40,157 - THAT'S RIGHT. - LET'S SEE WHAT THE JUDGES SAY. 252 00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,027 A 10, A 9.5. 253 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:47,564 ANOTHER 10. THAT GIVES HER A 9.75. 254 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:51,202 NOW HERE'S THE REIGNING CHAMPION... MS. SARAH MAE BROWN. 255 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,349 I TELL YOU, SARAH'S SUCH A JOY TO BE AROUND... 256 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,351 'CAUSE SHE'S SO DOWN TO EARTH. 257 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,652 SHE'S LIKE A "'ROUND THE WAY" BANSHEE GIRL. 258 00:12:57,676 --> 00:13:00,022 SHE USED TO SPAR WITH MIKE TYSON. 259 00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:02,091 AND IS BIOLOGICALLY A MAN. A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THAT. 260 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,893 TWO-TIME GOLDEN GLOVE WINNER. 261 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,328 THIS IS HER FOURTH CONSECUTIVE APPEARANCE AT THE SHOUTING OLYMPICS. 262 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,192 SHE'S JUST READY TO GO. LET'S WATCH THE ACTION. 263 00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:11,033 AS YOU SEE, THE SPIT BUCKET FROM HER YEARS IN THE RING. 264 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:14,926 IN THE OLD DAYS, SHE WOULD'VE SPIT RIGHT ON THE FLOOR, BUT TIMES HAVE CHANGED. 265 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:18,262 SHE'S OFF AND RUNNING. SPEAKING OF RUNNING, SHE JUST LEFT THE AUDITORIUM. 266 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,297 HERE SHE COMES. OH! SHE LOST HER WIG. 267 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,911 I THINK SHE'S GONNA PULL IT OFF. OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 268 00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:25,069 PRAISE HIM! PRAISE THE LORD! 269 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,005 YES, O MIGHTY! OH, SHE'S NOT DONE YET. 270 00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:32,643 MIGHTY! MIGHTY! MIGHTY! MIGHTY! SARAH SAID THAT HER COMPETITION BETTER BE HERE TODAY. 271 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,625 THERE SHE GOES WITH THE SOFT SHOE. 272 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,316 A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW SHE WAS IN THE CHORUS... 273 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,586 OF THE ORIGINAL PRODUCTION OF THE WIZ. 274 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,128 NOW, LORD! 275 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,477 MS. SARAH MAE BROWN, FOLKS. 276 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,846 MS. SARAH MAE BROWN BRINGS IT ON HOME... 277 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,670 WITH A SPECTACULAR "GONE TO GLORY" GAINER. 278 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,717 AND, YOU KNOW, JOHN, THE ONLY THING WRONG... 279 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:05,153 WITH DOING A WONDERFUL ROUTINE LIKE THIS IS YOU CAN ONLY DO IT ONCE. 280 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,277 RIGHT YOU ARE, HARV. THIS IS HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE. 281 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,279 SHE HAD THE HOLY SPIRIT SHOOTIN' OUT OF HER EARS. 282 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,116 THE FIRE, THE BRIMSTONE... BOOM, BANG... FLYIN' ALL OVER THE PLACE. 283 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,052 THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE SEEN SINCE DAVID MET GOLIATH. 284 00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,756 THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS. THIS IS HARV FIRESTONE WITH JOHN MADDEN SAYING... 285 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:22,393 STAY TUNED FOR HEAVYWEIGHT COLLECTION PLATE LIFTING AND SYNCHRONIZED BAPTISMS. 286 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:25,429 GOOD NIGHT AND HAPPY TO YOU. 287 00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:31,102 THIS MUST HAVE BEEN ONE HELL OF A FIRE. 288 00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:33,804 MAN, I CAN'T TELL IF THOSE ARE HIS LUNGS OR BEEF JERKY. 289 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,309 WE'VE LOST HIM. 290 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,310 4:16 P.M. 291 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,813 NURSE, CALL THE CORONER. 292 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,817 DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL, MARY TYLER MORGUE. 293 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,319 IT'S A ZOMBIE! 294 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:53,423 NOT QUITE, SON, BUT I DO APPRECIATE THE HAITIAN CULTURE. 295 00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:57,461 I AM FIRE MARSHAL BILL BURNS, AND NOBODY LIKES A QUITTER. 296 00:14:57,529 --> 00:15:00,664 SCALPEL. SCALPEL. 297 00:15:06,371 --> 00:15:09,173 ♪ HAPPY ENTRAILS TO YOU ♪ 298 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:14,211 RIB SPREADER. RIB SPREADER. 299 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,314 OH! 300 00:15:17,382 --> 00:15:19,483 AH. OH! 301 00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:21,530 SO THAT'S WHERE MY TV CLICKER WENT. 302 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:24,722 STAPLE GUN! STAPLE GUN! 303 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:31,995 BAND-AID WITH COLORFUL FLINTSTONE CHARACTERS. BAND-AID. 304 00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:37,435 VOILÀ. THANKSGIVING AT JEFFREY DAHMER'S HOUSE. 305 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,541 BOY, THIS HOSPITAL IS AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN. 306 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,543 LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHIN'! 307 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,989 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? 308 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:50,314 SAY YOU'VE GOT BEN VEREEN ON THE TABLE. 309 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:56,287 HE'S BEEN ON THE HIGHWAY PLAYING CHICKEN GEORGE WITH A WINNEBAGO. 310 00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:58,522 YOU'RE TRYING TO PUT THE PUZZLE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, 311 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:02,292 WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS, "HEY, LOOK. THERE'S WHOOPI GOLDBERG WITH A BLACK GUY." 312 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:06,496 YOU SPIN AROUND TO GET A GANDER, 313 00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:09,833 WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY KNOCK OPEN THE VALVE ON THIS GAS. 314 00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,002 LIKE SO. 315 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,983 NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE DENNIS HOPPER FROM BLUE VELVET. 316 00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,707 DON'T LOOK AT ME. 317 00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:22,145 DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME! 318 00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:24,147 YOU'RE GROOVY. YOU'RE HAPPENIN'. 319 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:27,317 YOU'RE OUTTA SIGHT, DADDY-O. YOU ARE STARDUST. YOU ARE GOLDEN. 320 00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:29,337 THEN THE TELEPHONE RINGS, AND YOU 321 00:16:29,361 --> 00:16:32,055 ACCIDENTALLY ANSWER THE HEART ZAPPER INSTEAD. 322 00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:34,964 BOY, THIS NEW SPRINT LINE IS REALLY... CLEAR! 323 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:43,333 THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS. ANY QUESTIONS? 324 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:50,140 NOW, JUST FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, 325 00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:52,810 LET'S JUST SAY... 326 00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:55,245 A BARRACUDA HAS BEEN SNACKIN' ON YOUR PATIENT'S LEG. 327 00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,050 THIS IS NO BOATING ACCIDENT. 328 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,854 THIS LEG IS MORE MESSED UP THAN A CHILD ACTOR ON DIFF'RENT STROKES. 329 00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,225 WHAT TIME IS IT? 330 00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:10,727 AMPUTATION TIME! 331 00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:13,129 YOU PUT YOUR LEG UP HERE TO GET A LITTLE LEVERAGE, 332 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:17,501 WHEN SOME WACKY RESIDENT DECIDES TO PLAY JEDI KNIGHT WITH A SURGICAL LASER. 333 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,503 LOOK OUT. 334 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,205 ♪ I KNOWS A SECRET ♪ HEY, FELLA. WATCH IT. 335 00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:24,319 YOU CAN TAKE SOMEBODY'S EYE OUT WITH THAT THING. 336 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:35,519 OH, YEAH! 337 00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:41,691 YOU REACH IN FOR THE GUY'S LEG LIKE RAY CHARLES LOOKIN' FOR THE UH-HUH GIRLS. 338 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,760 NEXT THING YOU KNOW... 339 00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:48,532 OH! 340 00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,970 I THINK I JUST HIT MARROW. 341 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,874 THERE WE GO. 342 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,013 BOY, THEY'RE RIGHT. 343 00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:05,721 IT DOES FEEL LIKE IT'S STILL THERE. 344 00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:09,486 OH, MY GOD. GET A TRAUMA UNIT IN HERE. 345 00:18:09,554 --> 00:18:13,190 ♪ DON'T CRY FOR ME IKE AND TINA ♪ 346 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,793 ♪ IT'S YOU WHO IS IN GRAVE DANGER ♪♪ 347 00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,708 ♪ LET ME SHOW YA SHOW YA SOMETHIN' SHOW YA SOMETHIN' ♪ 348 00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:23,567 ♪ LET ME SHOW YA SHOW YA SOME-OM-THIN' ♪♪ 349 00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:25,569 NOW. 350 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,706 LET'S SAY YOU'VE GOT A PATIENT... 351 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:33,610 WHOSE BOWELS HAVEN'T MOVED SINCE MICHAEL JACKSON HAD LIPS. 352 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:37,281 SO YOU JUST PRESCRIBE HIM A LITTLE ENEMA. 353 00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:41,484 SIR, ENEMAS, THOUGH THE SUBJECT OF TASTELESS HUMOR, ARE PERFECTLY SAFE. 354 00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:46,089 NOT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY REPLACE THE WARM, SOAPY LIQUID WITH HIGHLY VOLATILE... 355 00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:49,526 NITROGLYCERIN. 356 00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:53,463 WHY WOULD I DO THAT? MAYBE YOU'RE ALL OUT OF SNAPPLE, SON. 357 00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,265 OH, NURSE. 358 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,545 WOULD YOU PULL MY FINGER? NO! NO! 359 00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,536 OKAY. 360 00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:02,038 NOW A SCENE FROM BACKDRAFT. 361 00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:10,874 MY CHILDREN WERE BORN IN THAT HOSPITAL. 362 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:14,017 THE DESPERATE CRIES OF THE SICK AND INJURED WILL NOW GO UNANSWERED. 363 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:20,724 OH, WELL. I GUESS I'M JUST A SPLASH IN THE PAN. 364 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:27,430 ♪ LET ME SHOW YA SHOW YA SOMETHIN' SHOW YA SOMETHIN' ♪ 365 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:32,202 ♪ LET ME SHOW YA SHOW YA SOME-OM-THIN' ♪♪ 366 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:37,975 ♪♪ HEY, HEY, HEY! YO! 367 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,288 THAT'S THE WAY WE GO. THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT. THANKS FOR HANGIN'. 368 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:42,290 WE'LL SEE YA. PEACE! 369 00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:33,730 ♪♪ 28437