Original subtitles

It's the best part.

I know.

Oh. Can't you find some place else to meditate?

Hi, Drew.

Hello. Hello.

Steph,

do you have any nail polish?

Nah. Are you sure you want some more popcorn, girl?

Yeah.

Oh, good.

When did Brad ask you to the dance? Wednesday at lunch. Then yesterday,

Chuck and Phil. And today, Arnie. I can't believe four boys asked me. Gee,

Heather, it must be your personality.

Brad's cute, but not as cute as Eric.

And we all know who Eric's going to ask. Yes, baby.

Come on, guys.

I don't care who asks me to the dance as long as I go.

Uh-oh, Barney's dog is growling.

That means my uncle must be coming.

Hey, guys, remember the plan.

Get out of here.

Get out of here. Get out of here.

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

Wouldn't somebody take the turn on the lights?

Surprise!

What's going on there?

It's my slumber party.

Isn't this fun?

No.

Why didn't you tell me about this?

But you knew all about it. We discussed it last week.

Last week? But that's so long ago. I mean, I...

What is this piece of obscene in our walls?

It's Scott Barrow!

You mean Scott Barrow?

He's got next to nothing on him here.

Ah, come on, come on.

This is a slumber party. You're supposed to be slumbered. It's one o'clock in the

morning.

sleeps at a slumber party.

Which one of Charlie's angels is this here?

That's Heather Winfield. She's in my class.

You're in her class?

Did they hold this kid back three or four years?

This is an early bloomer.

My God, I hope it ain't catching.

I mean... Ah, that's okay there, my feather.

It's Heather.

Whatever.

I wasn't talking about you over here.

And look at you with all the grease paint on you. This ain't Halloween.

I was just trying on some makeup.

Girls your age ain't supposed to touch that stuff. Look at the whole lot of

them. Come on, Arch.

What's the harm in a little makeup?

What is the harm?

I had a daughter who was one day playing with makeup and next day she brings me a

son-in-law. Can you think of anything worse than that?

That ain't funny, having a son-in-law living on top of you.

He's going through my head like nails. Come on in the kitchen. I've got some

tea brewing. Give me something, huh?

Well, don't be looking at me, girl. Just go back to what you was doing there. I

mean, for God's sakes, keep it down.

Your uncle's funny, Steph.

He gets a lot funnier than that.

Gee, it's too bad Penny isn't here to meet him.

Why? Because her father's just like him. And she thought she had the only one.

They've been jumping around like that and they're all nice.

No. They spend most of their time just talking.

Talking?

Aren't you little girls? What the hell are they talking about? I mean, they

don't know nothing.

All girls their age talk about boys, clothes,

boys, music, boys.

I hope you've done your duty and you've squashed that kind of talk.

Why? It's natural. They learn about sex at school.

Oh, you don't have to tell me that. I know damn well the schools are shoving

sex on the kids.

Ah, will they let them pray a little?

No, not that.

Oh, God.

Boy, would you look at this place?

Yeah, this looks great, doesn't it? You know, we would have won that popcorn

fight if we hadn't eaten all our ammunition.

God, he was cheering all night. I felt like I was sleeping on a 50-yard line.

Sorry, we had to do something. We were starting to doze off down here.

Well, why didn't you just do that?

Because we didn't want to. We were telling knock-knock jokes.

Okay, say knock-knock. Oh, come on. Say knock-knock. Oh, gee, knock-knock. Who's

there? Wait a minute, I... Oh,

leave me alone or two of you, son. Hey, hey, where's my early American table

belongs in here? It's right here. All right, don't be moving furniture around.

Come on.

Who owns the plastic porcupine?

Yeah, do something.

How's that fast?

I'm opening the door.

Oh, God, Bloom.

Hi, Arch.

Where's my kid?

Kid's in the kitchen.

Hey, Bunker, how do you do it?

How do I do what?

Greet each day with a smile on your face.

Don't be a wise guy, huh, Bloom?

You wouldn't be smiling either.

I could have heard your kid and the rest of them gaggling geese all night. I was

laying up there for six hours of musical torture.

Who told you to have a slumber party at your house? Oh, come on. Oh, don't

complain. Girls are terrific at this age. No, they ain't.

If anything, they're a little treacherous.

You're nuts.

No, I ain't. You should have seen them here. Playing around with all the makeup

like a bunch of... I don't want to say. What?

Yes, yes.

I'm talking a whole night long about boys.

Well, what do you want to talk about?

Dolls? Look at them. They're adolescents.

You know what that is?

Yes, I know what that is. And let me tell you something about adolescents,

Bloom.

It's like gas.

It ought to be held back as long as is decently possible.

Don't be ridiculous. You've got to give them room to grow.

You've got to treat them like adults.

How's my little muffin? I missed you so much.

Hi, Daddy.

Listen, my name Jeffrey called. Something about a dance?

Exciting, huh, Arch? Oh, yeah, look at me. I'm all over goosebumps.

Come on, honey. We gotta run some errands for your mom.

Okay.

Steph, I'll bet you anything Eric calls today.

See you later, Arch.

Do you have to?

See you, Amy.

What's this I hear? Who is Eric?

Just a boy that's gonna call me.

Hey, listen, kiddo, you know, something just flashed through my mind.

Today's the day we gotta go down to Moises Hardware Store.

Why? Well, do you remember them shelves you want up there in your room?

We gotta pick them up today.

Uncle Archer asked for those shelves four months ago.

I know that, but that's why we get them today, because they're probably on sale,

see? And then after that, we'll go through the market, and then after that,

I'll take you in the ice cream parlor.

Uncle Archie, I don't want to go. I'm expecting a phone call. Hey, hey, come

on, will you?

You're the one that's always bugging me to spend time with you, and now I'm

taking off something special to do that.

But, Uncle Archie... I'm taking off work.

Yeah.

Well, we had a pretty good day, huh, kiddo?

Long day.

Did we have to spend three hours in MRSA hardware?

You can't go to a hardware just to buy the shelves, you know. You gotta buy

some of the tools it takes to put the shelves up, right?

Here, I'll tell you what.

I'll put the shelves up in your room and you put the rest of groceries away, huh?

I'll get the door, too.

Okay, I'm coming to the door.

Okay,

I'm opening the door for you.

Hi, Mr. Bunker.

I'm Eric Carlson.

Oh, yeah, what do you want?

I'm here to see Stephanie.

Well, before you just pop over, wouldn't you think to call?

I tried six times.

Well, when you found out we wasn't in, why'd you come then?

Hi, Eric. Come on in.

Thanks. Yeah, yeah.

We just got home and, uh... So then, uh... What are we all gonna do now?

Um, would you like a drink?

Sure, thanks.

I tried to call you six times today. We spent the day at the hardware store.

What did you think of that substitute teacher yesterday?

Kind of weird, wasn't she?

Yeah.

I really came over here to ask you something.

Boy, I just got...

I need a snack, you know.

I'll tell you why.

Because I've been out shopping the whole day, you know. And nothing makes you

more hungry than rushing around in stores.

You know what I mean? You go ahead, talk, do whatever you want. Don't pay no

attention to me.

One of the dancers is coming up this Tuesday.

And since you're one of the best dancers in the class, I was wondering... Did you

study for the Spanish test Monday?

Yeah. Why?

I'm going to flunk. Everybody should be studying for it right now. So, adios,

Stephanie. I mean, goodbye.

Yeah, yeah, goodbye, goodbye.

Arrivederci there, kid.

Strange, huh?

Eric's one of the neatest boys in the school.

Really? What did you do?

What do you mean? I'm getting ready to eat over here. Can't a man break bread

in his own kitchen?

He did something to scare Mom.

Did you see me do anything?

Well, I'll tell you something. Even if a person was to do something there, I

mean, you don't want to go to that dance.

Of course I do.

All the other girls are going.

Oh, well, if it was all the girls going, you know, I wouldn't mind. But, I mean,

it's the boys.

Don't get me wrong. It's just that I know boys at that age, when they get to

dance, you see, they, uh, they sweat.

And they're...

Feet, boys, you know that there? Did you see the feet on that kid there? A couple

of canal boats.

Gee, I mean, if he stepped on your little dogs there, he'd cripple you.

You understand.

What did I do?

I don't know.

What did you do?

I didn't do nothing.

God, you come in all quiet, don't you?

We just come home from a lovely day shopping, that's all. The kid and me, we

had a lot of fun. Don't pay no attention to that. She's happy as a lark.

Thanks, Mrs. Canby. Great pot roast. You're welcome, honey.

Do you and Amy want any dessert?

Maybe a little later after we finish our homework.

Oh, hi there, kid.

Oh, you'll never believe. I'm walking right past by... his dog and I'm talking

to her and then she ain't there.

Dinner's almost ready.

What is this? She ain't gonna eat with us again tonight?

What do you expect?

Come on, it's just one dance. It ain't her whole life. It is to her.

I wish you'd get over it.

Don't look at me like I'm a nice murderer.

I done what I did because, you know, I felt it was the right thing.

Listen, hey, it isn't easy, you know, all along. trying to raise a 12-year-old

pain in the neck.

I've done it myself twice.

But, Stephen, you're a woman. You was born to do that.

Listen to me, Archie. You're handling this all wrong.

Just let me handle it my way, huh? It's gonna be all right. I'll bring this kid

around.

Oh, hey, kid, kid. Come on, huh?

Let's bury the hatchet. Come on over, give the old man a kiss. We may drop,

huh? Do I have to?

Oh, geez, the bloom child.

What are you doing here?

Steph and I are studying upstairs.

She just sent me down to get some paper.

Well, Liz, listen, I want to ask you something.

Come here.

You and me, we know each other pretty good, huh, Mammy?

Amy. Yeah, what? I mean, you've been here a lot.

You have a good time here? You chow down a lot?

You broke a glass? I never said nothing.

How about do me a little favor?

What?

Do you think you could get this kid, Eric, to ask her to the dance again?

Eric's already asked Melanie Sanders.

Her father's nice.

What did he do for him?

Are there any other kids around, huh?

Well, it's... It's kind of late. Let's see.

There's Robert Reynolds.

What kind of a guy is he?

Six feet in shaves. No, no, no. Nobody in shaves.

Who else is around?

You know who's a good dancer?

Now who?

Tony Rodriguez.

Rodriguez. Remember?

From uptown?

If we come back to Rodriguez, who else?

Wait, I know. Larry Burton.

Larry Burton.

The name sounds pretty kosher.

What does he look like?

Well, short, wears glasses.

No, I don't mean that. I mean, is he... Well, let me put it to you this way. If

he was to go down to the beach someday and spend a whole day under the sun

there, would he turn...

Very red.

You mean, is he white?

Did I ask you that?

No, but he is.

Who cares?

Could you get him for her?

Well, I don't know if Steffi's going to go for him. I mean, he's kind of

nervous. Hey, Nibus.

Nibus is good. I love Nibus in the movie.

Shows he's got a little decent fear.

Okay, I'll try.

Nervous like sent from heaven.

What'd you do, find money there?

No, I was tying my shoe.

Oh, very good. Always tie your shoe. Come on then.

Yeah, well, nice to see you.

Larry Burton. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Larry Burton, yeah.

You must be Stephanie's grandfather.

No, kiddo, no. No, I'm kind of a noble, huh?

What a lovely place you have here.

Yeah, you're right.

Well, come on in, come on in. Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Not in my chair, little me.

What about this weather?

What about it?

Is your business being affected by today's inflationary spiral?

You didn't pick that up on Captain Kangaroo, did you? Sir?

Oh, tell me there, Larry. You got any plans for the future?

Well, I'm buying new gym shoes on Saturday, and then on Sunday we're...

Hi,

Larry.

Good evening, Stephanie.

You look very lovely.

You really do.

Thank you.

Where's your sweater?

Mrs. Mills.

I can certainly see where Stephanie gets her good looks.

Thanks, Larry, but I'm Mrs. Canby. I just work here. Sorry about that. Do you

think the dance is gonna be any fun, Larry?

Well, uh, I don't know.

Check your cards.

That's my mom. We gotta go.

Oh, good.

Gee, I'm sorry. I gotta watch my feet.

Better watch his feet, too.

There, kiddo, ain't you kind of forgetting something?

Uh-uh.

realized Amy forgot something.

What'd she forget?

Her hanky.

What a lie.

Please, Bloom. I mean, you're the guy that's telling me you want to give the

kids room to grow up.

And here you are, hoovering around like an old hen.

Me? What about you?

This is a special case with me, Bloom. My little girl is in there with a very

dangerous youth.

Would you let me take a look?

With the blonde kid with the big feet.

The first dance.

Gee, Stephanie's beautiful.

Let me look.

Oh, boy, she's a knockout.

Hey, look, your little girl ain't no mashed potatoes neither.

Such a good time. You should have seen me.

Ah, well, you know, I ain't interested in them things.

You know, Larry was a lot of fun once you threw out those index cards.

You know, he can burp just melodies somewhere over the rainbow.

I can hardly wait to hear that.

We even got to dance once with Eric.

I think he likes me.

Yeah.

Well, maybe you could go out with him sometime.

You know, maybe three, four years from now.

You going to be going to more of these here dances?

I hope so.

I'm going to go soak my feet.

Well, you can't say I didn't warn you about that.

Good night.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, kid.

Yeah?

Well, I didn't tell you before, but you look pretty nice tonight.

Good night.