Original subtitles

[man over speakers] What is "myth" today?

The answer is very simple.

Myth is a type of speech.

Everything can be a myth,

provided it is conveyed by the proper discourse.

Myth is not defined by the object with message

but by the way it assumes its message.

[grunts, then gasps]

So I'll bet you think you're pretty smart, don't you?

[screaming]

[theme music playing]

♪ If there's something strange In your neighborhood ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ If there's something weird And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ I ain't 'fraid of no ghost ♪

♪ If you're seeing things Running through your head ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

♪ I ain't 'fraid of no ghost ♪

♪ You know busting Makes me feel good ♪

♪ I ain't 'fraid of no ghost ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

[lilting music playing]

[video game beeping]

Hey, look what I found.

1001 Riddles For All Occasions.

"What does a man do standing up,

a woman sitting down, and a dog on three legs"?

What?

"Shakes hands."

[laughs sarcastically] Oh, my sides.

Oh. Ow. Ow!

[Egon groans]

Egon, what's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing, I'm perfectly all right.

Oh! [grunts]

[groans]

Maybe you better sit down.

-[whimsical music playing] -[snoring]

[yells]

[yells]

[Slimer groans]

You've been running around keeping up quite a pace

for the past two weeks.

Don't you think it's time you settle down?

Let the kids do the legwork?

Why? You don't think I can keep up with them, do you?

I'm over the hill, I'm past my prime?

One foot in the grave.

No, no, no.

I just think it's time you gave up field work

and devoted yourself more to...

research.

And I'm more than willing to help.

We could spend all our time in the basement.

Together.

Look, just because my hair is turning gray

and I'm getting flabby...

My eyesight and hearing have diminished,

my metabolic rate has slowed down,

and I'm no longer producing brain cells,

doesn't mean I'm getting old.

[alarm blaring]

Egon, we just got a call from a janitor at the university.

-You coming? -I'm way ahead of you.

That's not what I was saying.

[engine starts, then rumbles]

[siren blaring]

Egon, slow down!

That was a red light.

Maybe you should let me drive.

Oh, now there's a good idea.

Boy, this place sure brings back memories.

Ray and I were kicked out of here back in '82

for trying to reanimate the dead.

I was only 3 years old back then.

Ah! Look out!

-[gasps] -[tires screech]

[all yelling]

What the heck?

You ran over the parking lot spikes.

-I just rotated the tires this morning. -Shut up.

Well, they should make these signs a lot bigger.

[ominous music playing]

Cool. Department of Philosophy.

I wonder what these guys think about all day.

-Probably how to get a date. -Step aside.

Let me show you how we did this in the old days.

Hm.

-[grunts] -[gasps]

[yelling]

Sorry about that. Sorry. My mistake.

I thought you were a demon.

[gasps]

Say, Egon, could you go a little easy?

I'd like to transfer to this school someday.

Hm...

Egon, over here.

[ominous music playing]

[Barthes gibbering]

Roland, Kylie, search for tangible evidence.

Garrett, take some readings.

Eduardo, check the computer for any anomalies.

Come on, come on, come on. Snap to it, people.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -[Kylie] Man, what's with him?

"Everything can be a myth,

provided it is conveyed by the proper discourse.”

[scoffs] I hate this kind of egghead bull.

A-ha.

Just as I suspected.

What? What is it?

-[Egon] Drool. -Ugh!

Looks like at least a Class 6.

I found some very strange fibers.

Let's take the professor back to the lab for further testing.

[whimsical music playing]

Hm!

[sighs]

[Slimer humming]

Hm. [gasps]

[belches, then gibbers]

[whining]

Huh? Hm...

-[ominous music playing] -[gibbering]

He's not showing any brainwave pattern.

Sounds like something wiped out all his theta waves.

"Theta waves"?

The cosmic waves emitted by the inner recesses of the mind's eye.

[whirring, then droning]

[Egon] Hm.

Fascinating.

Incredible.

-What is it? -What you got?

Among the physical samples you found

are a dog hair, a lion hair, a shake scale,

and a strand from a bird wing.

What are you saying?

Barnum and Bailey's ran amuck?

I still haven't been able to identify this gray hair.

[Garrett] Uh...

It's from your head.

[clears throat] We're dealing with a composite creature.

A creature made out of several different animals,

like a griffin or a basilisk.

Or even a sphinx.

Oh, like the sphinx-in-Egypt sphinx.

[sighs]

Don't any of you know your classical mythology?

I saw Clash of the Titans when I was a kid.

Oh...

The ancient Greeks also had a sphinx.

It asked everyone it met a riddle.

If you didn't know the answer, you were in big trouble.

Could you elaborate on "big trouble"?

It systematically wiped out half the entire population of Thebes,

leaving pestilence, plague, and horror in its wake.

[ominous music playing]

They are the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

"What is death?"

-War. -Famine.

Plague.

And that ends the round.

Stay with us for Double Jeopardy, where anything can happen.

[all gasping]

So I'll bet you guys think you're pretty smart, don't you?

What are you?

It, uh, looks like a griffin.

No, I think it's a basilisk. A basilisk.

[Sphinx] A sphinx.

I'm a sphinx.

Don't you guys know anything?

What do you want from us?

[Sphinx] I only wish to pose a simple riddle.

-Mm-hm. A riddle? -Hm. That shouldn't be too hard.

Do we have to phrase our response in the form of a question?

[Sphinx] What walks on four legs in the morning,

two in the afternoon,

and three at night?

[chattering]

[Sphinx] Come on, think fast.

And I thought you guys were smart.

I know. A dancing bear.

[groans]

[roaring]

[screaming]

[all gibbering]

Wrong.

[ominous music playing]

[beeping and whirring]

I was delivering a sausage-and-mushroom pizza

when this thing just flew off the roof.

It was horrible.

Well, hey, no point in wasting that pizza.

Who's gonna pay?

Um... he is.

[groans] We just missed it by like 20 minutes.

I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat.

Twenty minutes, huh?

They must've been watching Jeopardy! Geeks love that show.

-Oh! Ow. -Hey, uh, Egon, what's with your leg?

Nothing, I, um-- I injured it playing football.

Football?

Aren't you a little old for football?

Step aside. I'll handle this.

If you saw this thing again,

do you think you could identify it?

Uh, yeah, I suppose.

[ominous music playing]

You recognize any of these creatures?

That's the guy! That's the one I saw!

Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a sphinx on our hands.

[siren blaring]

[woman on TV] Several of the city's most prominent scientists and educators

have been stricken by an unexplained illness.

Health authorities assure the public that there is no cause for alarm.

Mm!

[yelps]

[eerie music playing]

[Kylie] This is the New York headquarters for Mensa.

Why'd the sphinx hit this place?

These guys don't look so smart.

You gotta have an IQ of, like, 132 to get in.

I used to be in Mensa.

They kicked me out

after I was disbarred by the American Science Association.

One-thirty-two, huh?

Now they probably have a collective IQ of 10.

Maybe the sphinx is absorbing all their intellectual energy,

so it can become some kind of super-intelligent being.

The key to this has got to be the riddle.

Hey, Egon, what is the riddle of the sphinx?

I don't know. Nobody knows!

Oh! Egon, I noticed you've been having a little trouble with your leg,

so I got you something.

What am I supposed to do with that?

It's a cane.

I know what a cane is.

There's nothing wrong with my leg.

Roland, what do you think you're doing?

Modifying my blaster to increase the power flow.

Give me that!

There, just take out the surge inhibitor.

It'll more than double the firepower.

Didn't you put that inhibitor in there for a reason?

Yeah, and I just took it out for a reason.

Whoa, easy, boys. Break it up.

There's a beast out there taking out every brain in the city.

And we still don't know where it's gonna strike next.

[woman on TV] Tonight, leading intellectuals from around the world

will meet at the U.N. building for a conference on world peace.

-[siren blaring] -[ominous music playing]

I suppose you've been kicked out of the U.N. too?

Actually, I've never been to the UN.

Now, remember, if you run into the sphinx,

do not let it ask you the riddle.

Just stall it and play dumb.

Ought to be easy for you, Eddie.

-[whimsical music playing] -[grunts]

Halt! Where do you think you're going?

I'll handle this.

We're the Ghostbusters.

So?

We're on a mission of international importance.

Have you seen anyone who looks like this?

[yelling]

Way to go, Egon.

Now you've been kicked out of the UN. too.

[suspenseful music playing]

Halt.

Where do you think you're going?

Uh, we're here to repair the air-conditioning system.

Something about mysterious fumes.

[sniffing]

Don't you smell that?

-[whimsical music playing] -[sniffing]

-No. -Uh-oh.

That is one of the advanced symptoms.

[beeping]

Ooh, this is bad.

You better check in to a hospital

before your brain crystalizes completely.

[yells]

We gotta hurry. It's already inside the building.

-Sixth floor. -Let's move.

Hey, why don't you take the stairs? It'll be faster.

[suspenseful music playing]

Um, Egon, maybe you should go with Garrett.

Good idea.

Uh, Garrett and I can provide backup.

[Sphinx growling]

-[shrieks] -[ominous music playing]

[tense music playing]

-[Proton packs energizing] -Okay, everyone. Spread out.

On three.

Three!

Where'd it go?

[Kylie] Remember what Egon said.

"Play dumb, and whatever you do, don't let it ask the riddle.”

[Sphinx] So you tracked me down.

And you think you can outwit me?

Hm. [laughs]

You guys must think you're pretty smart, don't you?

-Don't look at me. -I can't even find the U.S. on a map.

[Proton packs energizing]

[Sphinx] Oh, no. No.

I know your type.

You think you know everything.

You are vain and arrogant.

But only I know the truth.

They're the ones you want, not me.

They think they're smarter than me.

They think they're smarter than everybody.

Really now?

Is that right?

Now!

[dramatic music playing]

-I can't control it! -[Kylie grunts]

You guys okay?

Yeah.

Luckily, my brain took the brunt of it.

Well, these are toasted.

Now I know why Egon put the surge inhibitor in there

in the first place.

-[whirring] -[ominous music playing]

Oh, come on, you gotta be kidding.

Uh, that's not gonna do any good.

[grunting]

Let me do that.

Get out of my way!

I can handle this, Ray.

I am not Ray!

What is your problem?

I was just trying to help.

Why?

You don't think I can handle myself because I'm disabled?

Thanks, Egon. Thanks a lot.

-No, it's... -[poignant music playing]

Oh, I'm the one who's disabled.

It's called...

old age.

Old? [laughs] No way!

You're what, 50, 55?

I'm 39.

I'm a wash-up. A has-been. A failure.

No one cares what I have to say anymore.

You kids, you're young, and bright and energetic.

I'm killing myself just trying to keep up with you.

Hey.

We care what you have to say.

We don't need you running around like Rambo,

kicking in the doors and barking out orders.

We can handle the legwork.

It's your experience, and knowledge and wisdom that we rely on.

That's what we really need from you.

Now... [grunts]

...let's get this show on the road.

[grunting]

Be honest.

Aren't you dying to know what the riddle of the sphinx is?

It could be an enlightening experience.

To be honest, no.

Hey, the emergency power system must've kicked in.

At least now we can see where we're going.

-[both] What? -[Kylie] Whoa!

[Sphinx] Do you like riddles?

I have a riddle.

1, uh...

I change my mind.

-What's a riddle? -[Egon clearing throat]

[tense music playing]

Step aside.

I'll handle this.

[Sphinx] Well...

What walks on four legs in the morning,

two in the afternoon,

and three in the evening?

Hm.

[Sphinx] Come on, come on!

I haven't got all night.

Time's up.

Man.

"Man"?

Yes.

You see, man crawls on all fours during the infancy of his life,

on two legs during his prime,

and walks with a cane in his old age.

In case you didn't know,

the cane is an ancient symbol of wisdom.

[Sphinx] Well...

Well?

[Sphinx] That's right.

-All right! -Way to go, Egon.

[Sphinx] I... I don't believe this.

This never happened before.

There's gotta be a mistake.

Okay, I've got another one.

-What a rip! -Foul!

-No way! -[Garrett] Not so fast.

I've got a little riddle for you.

What goes on four wheels and kicks sphinx butt?

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

[music fades]

[woman on TV] Local health authorities

attribute last night's outbreak at the United Nations

to mysterious fumes from the air-conditioning system.

Ah! Stupid bipeds.

Whatever happened to giving credit where credit is due?

-[pensive music playing] -[Slimer gibbering]

Janine...

do you think I should dye my hair?

Egon, I think you look very distinguished.

[alarm blaring]

Yo, Egon, we just got a call. You coming?

No, I've got some research to catch up on.

I think you guys can handle yourselves.

[chuckles]

You know, Egon, we could be stuck here all night.

I ordered sandwiches.

Ooh!

Slimer, your usual.

[panting, then gasps]

-[whimsical music playing] -[whimpers]

I think I've learned something today.

With age comes experience and wisdom.

It's okay to grow old. It's what's up here that counts.

[Slimer] Mm-hm!

[belches]

[theme music playing]

♪ When the things that slither In the shadows ♪

♪ Keep you up late at night ♪

♪ When there's something lurking In your closet ♪

♪ Who can make you feel all right? ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh! ♪