Original subtitles

So tonight we're on patrol, you know, sort of keeping an eye out on things,

making sure no one's misbehaving, stuff like that.

But it's pretty uneventful here in this town, I'm going to be honest.

But the people still managed to keep us busy somehow.

Overall, it's pretty quiet.

And that's what I like about it. And that's what my mom likes about it too.

Otherwise I wouldn't have this job.

Because she was like, no son of mine is becoming a cop.

I got her to come around to the idea eventually.

I was like, Mom, the craziest thing I've seen was like two hobos pissing in a

bucket.

Do you ever wish to get real action?

I thought the cameraman weren't supposed to talk.

Well, yeah, but we'll edit that out later. The first thing you're going to

learn about being a cop is a lot of just sitting around waiting for something to

come up.

Why are we pulling in here?

Because sometimes drug deals go down here in this parking lot.

but mostly because I wanted someone to stop and eat.

Looks like you got the cops' essentials right there.

Yeah. Not breaking the stereotype, am I?

Could have gotten anything, like a muffin or something.

So there I was, downtown.

I just glance over, and I see two hobos pissing directly into a bucket.

Copy that.

10-4 en route now.

Remind me to tell you the rest of the story later.

It looks like we're going to be investigating a possible break in

entering, which is a first for me, so this could be interesting.

10-23 arrived on scene.

Just remember, when we get in there, stay close to me.

Police department!

Police department!

Can you go in?

Possible homicide at 65 Radisson Avenue.

Stay close to me.

That's it.

Try that light.

Police department!

If anyone is here, make yourself known!

The hell?

Officer? Officer?

Hello?

Ma'am?

You okay?

What the hell?

Officer!

Officer!

Help!

Officer!

What the hell are you doing in here? I said to stay close to me. I swear

there's someone in that closet.

In this closet?

Yes.

I swear there is someone in this room.

You don't believe me? I didn't say that.

But if there is someone in this house, we have to find them.

So stay close to me this time.

Come in, dispatch.

We have a possible homicide at 625 Radisson Avenue.

1078, requesting assistance.

Can we please just get the hell out of here?

I repeat, possible homicide at 625 Radisson Avenue.

I swear, we just need to get the hell out of here.

Oh, shit!

The hell was that?

Where did he go?

I don't know. What the hell is even happening? I don't know.

Can we please, for the love of God, just get the hell out of here?

What?

That.

Man, I don't get paid enough for this.

Listen, there's someone down there and they need our help.

This isn't worth dying for.

Listen.

What if that was you down there, and I just said screw it and left?

Hmm? Now we're all that she has.

So stay close, stop wasting time, and follow me.

Fine.

what happens, stay close to me.

Holy shit.

Drop the weapon.

Put the knife down.

Get on your knees.

Hands behind your head.

Get on your knees.

Shit. Turn it back on. I can't. Turn it back on. Dude, I'm trying.

Shit. Why don't you try yours?

What do you think I'm doing?

Where the hell did they go? I don't know Ma

'am

if you're in here

Let us know now.

Ma'am?

Ma'am?

Oh shit!

The hell was that?

What do you think's on it?

What the hell was that?

Oh shit!

Shots fired, shots fired, suspect down.

Are you okay?

No, he bit me.

Keep your hand here.

Keep pressure on it.

Can you stand?

Yeah, I think so.

Can we please get the

hell out of here?

Where the hell did he go?

Okay.

Okay, here's what we're going to do.

We're going to get outside and radio for dispatch.

Can you walk?

Yeah.

Stay behind me.

You hear that?

We're almost out of here.

What? What the hell was that?

Son of a bitch!

We'll use the other door.

Just move, just move, just move!

Get to the door!

Look out!

Just go, just go, just go!

Set the camera down.

I'll call dispatch.

Come in, dispatch. We need immediate assistance.

Send an ambulance to 65 Radisson Avenue.

Just hold on.

We have Willie here.

He was bitten in the neck.

And, uh... I had to open fire on the suspect.

Hey, what the hell are you...

Baby, are you there?

What is that?

What's that noise?

Are you okay?

Is someone with you?

Okay, I don't like this. I'm calling the police.

Oh yeah, there's the light.

Alright everyone, so this is just a little behind the scenes of this adult

film we're doing.

Yet unnamed, gonna figure it out.

But I've got this girl coming over.

She's like, I think she's a goth. Her name's Victoria.

And we were just in an e-chat room on AOL.

And yeah, I just got to know her a little bit, got some pictures, and it

looks like she's gonna be a perfect fit for the movie.

Since she's like...

you know got off or into you know that kind of crazy like metal music stuff uh

i figured i'd maybe try to learn a song for her i think i think she might like

that maybe that'll impress her i think that might even uh you know get her in

the mood for uh love making let me see if i can i thought i know how to

play this i was just learning wait no that's not it

I don't think that's it.

Damn it, I can't remember how to play this.

Oh, I think she's here.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Victoria. You don't talk much, I guess. A lot better at typing.

But it's nice to meet you.

Are you ready?

Alright.

Unnamed hit adult film. Take one.

Hey.

Hmm. Yeah.

Scene two.

Ow! What the fuck?

Ow! Get off me!

We didn't say anything about fighting. Oh my god.

Don't come in.

Why the fuck did you bite me?

I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm a vampire.

Those aren't real.

Fuck are you talking about? Are you insane?

No.

You'll find out what I'm talking about.

It will be fine.

And you'll become one as well.

You see, the reason I date you is I love you and I want to keep you in my life

forever.

And I know that the only way is by turning you into my client.

I didn't ever mean to hurt you.

Okay. But this is the only way that I can keep you forever.

Okay, well, will you at least help patch me up?

Okay, can I come in?

Yeah, just a second. I'm going to let you in in just a minute, but know that

I'm going to keep recording.

Because, well, I mean, you did attack me.

I'm kind of fucked up.

So I just, I want to keep this in case.

Do you do anything else? I don't mean that in any mean way. I just don't want

to, you know, not have this recorded.

Okay,

I'm going to let you in. The camera pointed at you, okay?

Okay, I'm trusting you.

I have no reason to, but I'm going to.

I'm very sorry.

I just didn't understand that I love you.

And I just don't want to say it.

I'm sorry.

I wasn't going to tell you this. I didn't want to say it all.

Mine, I probably wouldn't have believed it anyway.

I didn't think vampires existed.

So this is new.

Am I going to become a vampire?

So, we just got cleaned up together from the awesome shower scene. So I thought,

I mean, like, I forgot to... Here, of course, please give me a second. I'm not

feeling well.

I don't know, like, why.

Why is this happening? Why do I feel like I'm burning? It's like I'm going to

throw up my entire gut.

You're turning into a vampire.

Are you okay?

Yeah, this hand is holding down. It's just like any other system. It's like

waddling rats.

Well, naturally.

I'd like to rest alone for now.

I mean, we still only met today, but I'm sure maybe I'll warm up to you with

Todd, probably.

Okay, I just woke up.

I got dressed, obviously, brushed my hair and everything, and I have never

felt better in my entire life than I feel right now. I feel like I could lift

mountains, like I could sprint a mile in.

I don't know. I don't know. However fast she spreads a mile in.

And... I don't think I need my glasses anymore.

I see better without them.

I think I'm going to go outside.

What do you think? I'm gonna go outside.

I'm gonna go outside. I'm gonna go outside. I'm gonna go outside. I'm going

outside. The sun is beautiful. The sun is beautiful. The sun is beautiful. The

sun is beautiful. The sun is beautiful.

Ah.

I can't enjoy the sun anymore.

No, you need sunscreen.

Oh, okay.

Victoria, can you film this for me?

I think I can play this song now, the one I was trying to learn before.

I was trying to learn a song for you, by the way.

What do you think?

I love it. I started dancing a little bit.

I talked before.

Oh, my God. That was awful.

Yeah, that was really good. I love that. What else did I do? Can I, like, am I

better at other stuff, too?

Well, yeah.

I should probably put some sunscreen on this time, though. Yeah. That didn't

work too well before.

Yeah, you'll need a lot of that.

Yeah. Come here.

Oh. Come here.

I can't see my reflection, either.

No, I know. Can't look at this handsome face anymore?

No, that's... No.

Did I get it in at least?

You mind helping me?

You have to rub it in. I can't see me. Yeah, okay. It's all over your hands.

Well, yeah. I had to put it on somehow.

Now that I got all my sunscreen on, do you think we can go out and test out my

powers? Yeah, sure.

To get your own on, though? I don't want you to get burned like me.

Yeah. Yeah, I sunscreened this morning. Speaking of, it's not hurting anymore. I

can probably take that off. Yeah, you can. Do you want me to help you? Yeah,

sure. Okay.

First test of vampire training.

Misty, I've gotten stronger.

See if I can throw this ball pretty far.

I don't think we're getting that back.

Nope. That was cool.

Yeah.

Alright,

this is test four.

I'm going to be doing a speed test.

You got this.

Alright, here goes nothing.

You're here already.

How'd you do that? I feel... I feel fast. I feel like I'm fast like Paul

Walker.

More like Forrest Gump when he still has the leg braces.

Alright, so why'd you bring me to this trail?

You're gonna have your first kill here.

What? Kills?

Yeah. No, no, no.

No, no. I am not killing.

Absolutely not.

There you are.

No. No, I'm not okay with that.

You'll be okay with this. Trust me.

I'm gonna kill somebody.

I'm gonna be fine.

It'll be fun.

Yeah, that does sound like fun. Let's go.

He's just like me.

He's one that I've been for often. I've had my eye on him for a while.

But I wanted you to get him with me.

Oh, there he is.

Okay, that's him. Here, take the camera.

You get me in the shot?

Okay.

I got him.

Awesome!

Good job.

Hey.

First time.

There we go.

Come join me.

For a fine glass of red.

Thank you.

Cheers. So, this is the interview with the vampire, or the vampires.

First question, how old are you?

I'm 15.

100. You're 100?

1500. Oh, that's okay. I'm into cougars anyway.

You hear someone coming?

What? What did I do? Oh, fuck. Smells like virgin.

Hey, uh, do you know where my... My girlfriend and I are kind of lost?

Yeah. We came from over that way.

You know how we can get out of here?

That's a dead end that way?

Yeah.

Oh, no, no, no!

Ah, good job, baby!

Okay, now let's check out what the audience doesn't want.

Holy smoke.

I don't think it's going to feed us for long.

No, it's pretty strong.

Yeah.

Easy enough.

This must be our last kill of the night. I'm kind of tired.

Yeah, sure.

It's pretty full.

Oh, fuck!

Fuck!

Get off me!

You want a bite?

Yeah.

Take a laugh like to dark out.

Holy fuck.

Oh, my God. I killed a guy.

I killed.

I killed three.

What the fuck?

No, I can't. I can't do this. No, no. Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

Don't hurt me, please.

I've done enough.

Listen.

I love you.

And you love me.

Yeah. We always will. We love each other. We always will.

Yeah. We're destined to be together.

Yeah, it's destiny.

Yeah. We're meant to be together.

We'll never have to hypnotize you again.

You hypnotize me?

No. Okay, I believe you. I love you.

I love you.

Let's go spend our lives together.

That water is fucking free.

Wait, wait.

Becca, what's a messenger?

You don't know what a messenger is? No, man. My parents just got a computer.

So AOL has a service where you can talk to people through messages through a

messenger system. What? Yeah. Really?

Yeah, instantly.

Jesus Christ.

Stud muffin.

Jackie boy.

Eddie.

Dude, let me play my fucking game in peace.

I don't know what you're doing.

I'm going to go first time.

Oh, ladies, where you at?

Careful, man. That water's cold as balls.

Did you bring that cooler?

You were supposed to bring the cooler, man. No, I told you to bring the cooler,

dude. You were in charge of bringing the cooler.

Jack.

Jack.

Jack, quit throwing around, man.

Did he ever say that?

Oh.

Jack!

Hey, Jack.

Jack, you're dork.

What are you doing, man? Are you kidding me? I've been calling you for days.

Where have you been?

Playing this game.

What game?

This game called Ninja.

No, avoid those ninjas. No, turn right there.

Teddy, why do you even have a camera?

Because we've got shit to do tonight. That's why.

What do you mean, shit to do?

Remember that cute girl I've been talking to, Sydney?

She's throwing a party tonight.

Teddy, I think you forgot.

I'm in a wheelchair.

I'm sorry. I forgot.

Since your injury, you're just stuck in this house all day, and you have no

life. My bad. I forgot. My bad. Teddy, I know your life is one big joke, but

leave me out of it.

Teddy, what is that, dude?

I didn't tell you I got fired today from work.

Fired today?

Dude, that was your dream job, working at a video game company.

Yeah, but they wanted me to work 40 hours a week. Who does that?

40 hours, that's crazy.

I feel like that's pretty normal.

I got tons of good stuff in here, though. I stole it before I left. I got

some games in alpha mode that were never released.

I got even a console here.

Give me that back. Give me that.

Are we going to Sidney's tonight or what?

No. Come on, man.

Let's get you out of the house. Let's go.

Come on.

Okay. I'll go.

I'll go.

I will not degrade myself that much.

There's

our

spot, man.

I am shit-faced right now.

Dude,

I told you, Teddy.

Shit always happens when we go out.

Yeah, yeah.

Ooh, so close.

Oh,

yeah. Here we go.

Hold on.

What are you doing?

I'm hooking up these RPA components so we can watch your playback.

That shit hurts my eyes.

You ready for this, man?

I guess so. So what do I do?

Hold on.

On the top right, you feel that little button?

Hit that.

Oh, okay.

You ready?

Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay, so what do I do?

Pick a game.

How do I do that? I don't have a controller or anything.

It's virtual reality, dumbass.

Use your hands.

Holy shit, I can throw my legs. This is crazy.

Let's go, Jack. Come on.

Come on. All right, let's go, bitch.

Come on, man.

Get the fuck out of here, man.

Come on, man. You ain't got shit, man. I've been blocking everything.

Got you.

You ain't got shit.

Come on, come on.

Dude.

Shit. What?

It actually hurt.

Oh, come on, dude.

You know what?

No, like, I actually felt that.

Oh, get out of here. Come on, let's keep playing.

Okay.

This game blows.

Let's do a different one.

Oh, nice, man. You going with the M16?

Rad. All right, I'm going to go down here. You go down there.

Dude, I can like feel the sweat on my skin.

I totally just saved your ass, man. You owe me one big time.

How many did you kill?

Exit game!

Exit game!

Exit game!

Fuck! Ah!

Ow! Shit!

Now who's the worst?

Yeah. Hey, you alright?

Yeah, I'm all right, man. That one just got me.

Okay. You cool if I play another one without you?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll be back there in a minute, man. Okay.

Exit game.

Come on, come on, come on!

Exit game.

Oh shit, Teddy.

Everything's gone all wrong.

It's fucking something.

It's Sammy in the game, man.

You crazy shit!

Mm-hmm