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-[chains rattle]
-[gasping]
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[squeaking]
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Flesh.
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-To our specimen, a suit of skin.
-[Gristle] To us, sculpting clay.
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A blank canvas promising infinite
aesthetic possibility.
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[yelps] Huh?
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I ain't no canvas.
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Let me out of here.
Let me out of here.
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[grunting]
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Don't touch me. No. No.
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Brethren, let the procedure begin.
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[Jimmy] No!
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[theme music playing]
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♪ If there's something strange
In your neighborhood ♪
17
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♪ Who you gonna call? ♪
18
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♪ If there's something weird
And it don't look good ♪
19
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♪ Who you gonna call? ♪
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♪ That's right ♪
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♪ I ain't 'fraid of no ghost ♪
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♪ If you're seeing things
Running through your head ♪
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♪ Who you gonna call? ♪
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♪ Ghostbusters ♪
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♪ I ain't 'fraid of no ghost ♪
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♪ You know busting
Makes me feel good ♪
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♪ I ain't 'fraid of no ghost ♪
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♪ Whoo-ooh! ♪
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[whimsical music playing]
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[woman on TV]
Today's topic on Reader Friendly:
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J.N. Kline, famous author
of horror novels for children.
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Not since Stephen King
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has a novelist enjoyed
so much wealth and recognition
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and dished out so much blood
and viscera.
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But clearly, Gore sells
and his preteen fans are crying for more.
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I'm crying for less.
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Kline's giving demonology a bad rep.
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-I yelps]
-His books have no basis in reality.
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Hey, busters, any calls?
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Tons. That's why
we're sitting here not moving.
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I think Eduardo's being sarcastic.
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Thanks, Roland.
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I didn't mean
"who you gonna call?" calls.
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I meant personal calls, for me.
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Specifically, from Hair Raising Tales.
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The horror magazine?
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The very same one
that gave Stephen King
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and J.N. Kline their starts.
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I am waiting to hear back
about my manuscript.
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[in unison] Say what?
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What? I wrote a story.
52
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Way to go, Garrett.
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I didn't realize you had
literary ambitions, Hemingway.
54
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:31,143
Literary? Ha! I have celebrity ambitions.
55
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If Kline could get on Letterman,
I can too.
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But the fans are restless.
57
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Kline hasn't been seen
or heard from in several months.
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Has he retired?
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Or has he just gone into seclusion
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working hard on his next
long overdue gore-fest?
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Maybe he's dead.
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[telephone ringing]
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If he won't give his fans
what they want, I will.
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-Well, is it for me?
-It's for all of you.
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We've got a Code 7 abduction
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by bipedal interdimensional
porporials in triplicate.
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-[dramatic music playing]
-[siren wailing]
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00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:12,852
So, Garrett,
how, uh, reality-based is your story?
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00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,921
I think what Roland's
politely fishing for is,
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we're in it, right?
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Yeah, we're in it, for about a page.
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Then we die, squealing for mercy.
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We what?
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Well, not all of us.
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The-- [clears throat]
--handsome guy in the wheelchair lives.
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What a shock.
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00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:36,575
Well, it's okay, Garrett.
I'm sure you had artistic reasons.
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00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,811
Roland, don't be such a simp.
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00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,213
Hey, don't take it personally, guys.
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It's just more commercial
with one hero.
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Besides, I get to avenge your deaths.
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Garrett, you made us squeal for mercy.
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I am not a squealer.
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[Garrett] Tell you what,
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I'll bring you back as ghosts
in the sequel.
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Promise.
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[ominous music playing]
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They didn't know I was here.
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-[PKE meter beeping]
-But they took Jimmy.
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He was screaming. Screaming.
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Didn't know I was here.
92
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Can you describe them?
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They took Jimmy.
He just kept screaming.
94
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They took him.
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00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:20,119
Who took Jimmy?
96
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,854
There were three of them.
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One of them had a saw in his skull.
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A saw?
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-You mean, like a Black and Decker?
-[Eduardo] Craniac.
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00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,132
-A what-siac?
-What?
101
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Am I the only guy in the room
who reads J.N. Kline?
102
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Craniac. He's the mean monster
from all the books.
103
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You read J.N. Kline?
104
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You read?
105
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,644
My little brother reads J.N. Kline.
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[beeping]
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You read kids' books?
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00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,251
Yeah. Well, uh, read them to kids.
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Hey, hey, they're gory, you know.
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This is reality, not fiction, Eduardo.
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I can't help it if he says the dude
looks like Craniac.
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00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:06,094
Please, find Jimmy.
He never did anybody harm.
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-[eerie music playing]
-[wind whipping]
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[humming]
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[gasps] Oh.
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-[Jimmy moans]
-[screams]
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[growls]
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[dramatic music playing]
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[gasps]
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New flesh.
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Be with us.
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[Corpuscle] Be one of us.
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[screams]
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[whimsical music playing]
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00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,679
Don't let her bug you, pachuco.
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They may be the brains
of this operation
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but you and me,
we're the butt kickers.
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Especially me.
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00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:05,724
And speaking of you, I didn't know
you were such a horror fan.
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00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,059
A lot about me you don't know.
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00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,527
Well, tell me.
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As a fan of the genre,
did my story rock?
133
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,467
Well, um...
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Go on, tell it to me like it is.
I can take it.
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00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:22,007
It stunk bad.
136
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,643
Ah.
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[goggles beeping]
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00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:31,417
If they left ecto-trails,
they didn't have much of an afterlife.
139
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:34,453
Oh, there's gotta be a lead
around here somewhere.
140
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[radio crackles]
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Kylie, it's Egon.
We've got another call.
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When it rains, it pours.
143
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,894
Egon, we're in the middle
of this investigation.
144
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,362
We can't come back yet.
145
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:46,765
Don't The call's half a mile
up the road from you.
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00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:51,437
-Coincidence?
-Fat chance.
147
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:54,073
Look, these things
are supposed to be scary.
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Your story has no jeopardy.
149
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,943
It's just 40 pages of you
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blowing away ghosts
and chasing skirts.
151
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,380
What's wrong with that?
152
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:06,151
Hey, Iron Johns, cut the guy talk.
We got a call.
153
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Blowing away ghosts, it's what I do.
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[dramatic music playing]
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[siren wails]
156
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Whoa, déja vu.
157
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,833
Why does that look familiar?
158
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,703
Because we saw it on TV today.
It's Kline's mansion.
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Woo!
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00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:31,940
Think it's another coincidence?
161
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,180
[crickets chirping]
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[ominous music playing]
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[people wailing]
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In there. It's horrible.
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Guy with a saw in his head?
166
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Yes. How did you know?
167
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Tried to tell you.
168
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[all] Help us. Help us. Help us.
169
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-[Kyle grunts]
-[shrieks]
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[screams]
171
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:08,247
-[Jimmy moans]
-What? [grunts]
172
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No. That's Jimmy.
173
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He's the guy we're looking for.
174
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,820
Who? Meat Face?
You got a concussion, sister?
175
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,355
No, Kylie's right.
176
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,623
That's what they do.
177
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:20,559
Turn people into freaks and stuff,
just like them.
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-Who?
-You know...
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Craniac.
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00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,500
Eduardo, not now.
181
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,569
[Craniac] Who knows my name?
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[haunting music playing]
183
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:38,243
Kline's books have no basis
in reality, huh?
184
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My mistake.
185
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:48,287
Truth or fiction, either way,
Craniac is dust.
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[tense music playing]
187
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[groans]
188
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:00,666
"Jeopardy."
189
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,901
I don't think that word's
in my vocabulary.
190
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:06,405
But it blew him up.
That's not supposed to happen.
191
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:11,406
Hey, results is results.
192
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Think again.
193
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,381
[Craniac] You cannot harm us.
194
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:17,683
Who are those guys?
195
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:20,552
The big one's Corpuscle.
Your buddy's Gristle.
196
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,122
[tense music playing]
197
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[screams]
198
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,727
Jimmy, look at yourself.
199
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,130
Please, Jimmy,
don't let it happen to them.
200
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:35,901
Help me get everyone out of here.
201
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:40,902
[all screaming] Help. Help us. Help us.
202
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:48,676
Not what I had in mind.
203
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:56,284
[proton pack energizing]
204
00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:01,890
[grunting]
205
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:06,532
[shrieks]
206
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:11,069
[screams] Don't let him eat my brain.
207
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:16,070
And he wonders where I get
"squealing for mercy."
208
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:22,277
Tea time. Corpuscle, catch.
209
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:27,916
My eyes!
210
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,501
Okay, what have we learned?
211
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,337
-Proton beams won't take them down.
-Check.
212
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,839
Which means they're not ecto
as we know it.
213
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,975
The ghost trap is useless.
214
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,910
If it is not written...
215
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:56,911
[Gristle and Corpuscle] It cannot be done.
216
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:02,688
-What do they mean by that?
-Beats me.
217
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:03,855
You're the expert.
218
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:05,624
That part's not in the books.
219
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:10,028
I'm going after the hostages.
220
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:15,029
-Roland.
-[Roland] Guys, help. [screams]
221
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:21,039
Okay, bookworm,
answer the $64,000 question.
222
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,909
How are these fictional characters
coming to life?
223
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,410
Maybe they're not fictional.
224
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,845
Maybe they've always been around
225
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:29,381
and Kline just decided
to write about them.
226
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:32,217
-Or maybe they're the Vathek.
-[eerie music playing]
227
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,585
The who-thac?
228
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,553
The Vathek.
229
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,021
The Spirit Guide says,
230
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:38,991
"They're spectral forms
who enter the realm of the living
231
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,659
through the act of writing."
232
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:45,530
You mean a writer channels them
into our world by writing about them?
233
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:48,200
Which explains
why we can't nuke them.
234
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:51,203
If it is not written, it cannot be done.
235
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,505
If the text says they're indestructible...
236
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:57,009
Then that's what they be.
You think Kline's behind it?
237
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,877
I hope so.
238
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:02,581
Kicking Kline's ghost-loving butt
will get me some great publicity.
239
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:07,582
The clash of the literary titans.
240
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:13,755
[haunting music plays]
241
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,029
[doorbell rings]
242
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,031
[beeping]
243
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:23,068
Sounds like an invitation to me.
244
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:28,069
[eerie music playing]
245
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,584
[growling]
246
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:44,585
Shh!
247
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,630
I'm a sucker for sucker shots.
248
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:55,067
No. It's not a Vathek.
It's one of their victims.
249
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,503
I know.
Gonna suck the evil right out of him.
250
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,172
And if it doesn't work that way?
251
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,107
He blows up real good?
252
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,375
You're quick.
253
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,210
Can we just find Roland, huh?
254
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:08,947
I mean, before they turn him
into a gum head too.
255
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:12,384
[woman screaming]
256
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,653
Stop!
257
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:19,157
Stop!
258
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:20,792
[gasping]
259
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:24,129
[groaning]
260
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:27,666
Next.
261
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,735
[Eduardo]
Big house. He could be anywhere.
262
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:34,736
-[ominous music playing]
-[typewriter clacking]
263
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,816
[clacking continues]
264
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:49,521
Like a trail of breadcrumbs.
265
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:54,025
[gasping]
266
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:56,661
Kline, stop typing now.
267
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,864
Why are you doing this?
268
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,499
[groans]
269
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,601
Forget about me.
270
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,936
Save your friend.
271
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:09,574
Roland, the book.
272
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,743
"Craniac resembled
a demented butcher
273
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,478
but he didn't see himself that way
274
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,882
for to the Vathek,
mutation was a sublime art form."
275
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:21,883
We know this part. Skip ahead.
276
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,224
"Roland struggled bravely,
but helplessly.
277
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:31,225
The ghostbuster was a moment away
from becoming inhuman."
278
00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:34,566
[groans] Jeopardy.
Kline knows how to write.
279
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,468
"His screams could not be heard,
280
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:40,572
sealed as they were within
the chamber of unspeakable deeds
281
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,607
deep below the mansion."
282
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,010
-[ominous music playing]
-Hurry. If it is written...
283
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,611
We know, we know.
284
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,980
Let's go.
285
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,582
What if it's unwritten?
286
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:54,319
Kill off those Vathek deadbeats.
Write them out of the story.
287
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,888
I can't.
288
00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:00,559
Voices in my head won't stop.
289
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,828
[grunts]
290
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,664
[Corpuscle] Bid your humanity farewell.
291
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,566
Embrace us.
292
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,001
Embrace the Vathek.
293
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:11,570
Go on, take me.
294
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,439
When my friends find you,
they'll make you pay.
295
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,374
They cannot destroy us.
296
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:20,912
-If it is not written...
-It cannot be done.
297
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,547
[Roland groans]
298
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:27,548
[suspenseful music playing]
299
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,156
I'll just have
to rewrite this thing myself.
300
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,391
"Prepare to alter Roland's flesh."
Yada-yada-yada...
301
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,160
"The gleaming, exquisite, lethal blade.”
302
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:38,063
Blade! Backspace, correction.
It doesn't say blade.
303
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:40,665
I'll make it say...
304
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:44,369
-Egg?
-What?
305
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:48,440
-[Craniac] Intruders.
-In the library.
306
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:53,441
The book must not be unwritten.
307
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:58,817
"And-- And, uh,
they weren't just regular monkeys.
308
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:03,818
They were rabid monkeys
with, uh... tire irons."
309
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,492
[monkeys shrieking]
310
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,095
You will not disrupt him.
311
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:12,764
He is on a deadline.
312
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:17,765
Uh-oh.
313
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:24,005
[yelps]
314
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:29,314
Kline, listen up.
315
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:34,315
A 60-ton anvil dropped from the ceiling,
crushing the Vathek creeps like bugs.
316
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:41,259
I'm in trouble.
317
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,028
Roland, you're all right.
318
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,429
I thought maybe you'd be dead.
319
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,531
Yeah. Me too.
320
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:50,035
[ominous music playing]
321
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,672
Oh, man.
322
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:56,908
Your flesh is ours.
323
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:01,813
Write his demise, scribe.
324
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:05,150
Maybe he doesn't feel like it.
325
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,952
He feels like it.
326
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:11,289
A scribe is but an instrument of our will.
327
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:13,725
We are the true authors.
328
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,461
We tell him what to write.
329
00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:19,464
Hurting people wasn't part of the deal.
330
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,800
You said your ideas were fiction.
331
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,002
[Gristle] They were fiction.
332
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:27,138
[Corpuscle] Until you made us real.
333
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:30,408
You tricked me
into writing you into existence.
334
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:33,511
[Craniac] You gained from our alliance.
335
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:36,748
Wealth, fame, success.
336
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:41,749
And now you will finish our master work
so that we may live forever.
337
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:47,254
Never before has a novel
by J.N. Kline ended like this.
338
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:49,661
Yes.
339
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:54,662
This time, the Vathek will win.
340
00:18:55,167 --> 00:19:00,071
[Gristle] And the humans lose.
341
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:02,240
[Craniac] Bow to your masters.
342
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,909
We can't let him finish the book.
343
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:08,913
[grunts] We've got to destroy the text.
344
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:11,650
The book will be finished.
345
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,885
[Corpuscle] The book will be done.
346
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:18,886
And together, we will change
the face of humanity.
347
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:26,431
[minions] The book will be finished.
The book will be done.
348
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,633
The book will be finished.
349
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,436
-The book will be done.
-[suspenseful music playing]
350
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:36,437
The book will be finished.
The book will be done.
351
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,476
The book will be finished...
352
00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:41,413
I'm gonna finish that book, all right.
353
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,548
[Garrett yells]
354
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:45,216
[grunts]
355
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,086
I'm gonna finish it my way.
356
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:53,087
"The handsome, ghost butt-kicker,
sat defiant and, uh..."
357
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:56,828
-And what?
-And what?
358
00:19:56,829 --> 00:20:01,829
I don't know. You try being creative
under this kind of pressure.
359
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:07,902
Give it up, Garrett. You stink bad.
360
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:16,444
[wails]
361
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,524
[music fades]
362
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:29,594
Thank you for releasing me.
363
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:33,164
-[groans]
-[dramatic music playing]
364
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:36,835
So, Jimmy, how about those pies?
365
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,436
[music fades]
366
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,338
[Garrett] Another rejection notice.
367
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:43,608
Hey, I can take it.
368
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:47,011
What hurts is the success
Kline's having with his new book
369
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,013
at my expense.
370
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,216
-I liked it.
-So did my little brother.
371
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:55,453
A somewhat more realistic depiction
of demonology than his earlier work.
372
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:58,189
Oh, you guys just like it
because you're all in it.
373
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,391
Yeah. Alive.
374
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:02,961
-Well, so are you, Garrett.
-Yeah.
375
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:06,898
"The loudmouthed guy
in the wheelchair."
376
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:11,703
-[whimsical music playing]
-If it is written, it must be true.
377
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:14,572
[Craniac] Next.
378
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:19,573
[haunting music playing]
24829
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