Original subtitles

I don't know what... I don't know why all the disco's over, what?

Wow, cool.

Hey, Charlie, how's it going?

-Yo. Not too good, actually, man. -Oh, no? Why? What's wrong?

Look, I don't want to get into the whole thing,

but basically what happened was I bought some protein powder off the web,

and, you know, at first it was great.

It was awesome at first, but after a few weeks,

I started to just kind of feel, like, bad.

You know what I mean? And...

Yeah, I went to urgent care this morning and it turns out I'm eating sand.

-Sand? -Sand, yeah, like from the beach.

So, it wasn't protein powder at all. I've been getting scammed the whole time.

So, no, I'm not doing too good.

That's awful, Charlie. I'm sorry you ate sand.

Thanks, man. Yeah, look, I think I definitely learned my lesson.

You know, I'm definitely not going to buy anything off--

Hello.

Hey, boys.

Guess what?

-What? -You just got a job.

Okay, we'll get on that. Yeah, okay, sure.

Yeah.

Cool. I'll...

I'll text you all the info.

Sweet. Thanks.

Come in.

Stupid thing!

Make my dinner faster! Get me a beer!

Rub my back!

Hello?

Finally, it took you long enough.

I'm sad because this robot I bought off the web won't go faster.

It's lazy as fuck!

Dude, it looks like it's going as fast as it can.

Yeah, I agree. I don't know how we can help here.

You can't even help me?

Fuck you. I'm canceling the job then!

Get out! Get the fuck out!

All right, fine. Gladly. You suck, man. You suck.

I said get out!

Another beer! TV on! More dinner!

TV off! Another beer!

Faster! Faster! Faster!

How terrible.

Yeah, really sad. Hey, by the way, Pim, you wanna go bowling?

Y'know, there's a new bowling place that just opened up,

and it's, like, the theme is, like, weird bowling pins,

and I thought that sounded funny.

-What about the robot? -Oh, yeah, that thing.

I am Friend-Bot Version 125892187318092135--

We'll just call you Friend-Bot. I think it's gonna be easier.

-What were you made to do, Friend-Bot? -I can do anything you need.

I am implanted with a special golden chip

that goes at one billion micronauts per second.

Really? Okay, okay, okay.

Let's try something. Make a picture of...

Pim as...

as a hot dog. Do that.

Holy fuck, man! This is insane! How did you do that?

Dude, Pim, Pim, we gotta take this thing back to the office, man.

Yeah, sure. Would you like to come back with us, Friend-Bot?

Whatever you want.

One, zero, one, one, zero, zero, zero,

one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero.

Allan, Allan, check this out.

-Hey, Friend-Bot. -Yes?

Tell Allan the greatest robot joke ever.

Two ones meet on the zero.

One of them says zero, one of them says one, and zero,

and one, and zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero...

-Did you even get that? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-It's good. -Oh, yeah, he got it. He got it.

I don't believe he got it. Can we find out?

Explain the joke, Charlie.

Yeah, it's... it's two zeros meet and they...

No, it's two ones.

Yeah, well, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Allan, you... But, yeah, you should try. You should do something with it, man.

Have him do something.

What would I need stupid jokes for?

This thing can't do anything useful like my work.

Printing out Allan's work.

Wow, this is incredible.

The robot did a year's worth of work in one seconds.

Wow.

What in the hell's going on in here?

-We have a robot that can do anything. -Anything?

I've got some ideas.

Yeah, I kinda wanna make a picture of Allan as a hot dog.

That's ridiculous. I would never be a hot dog.

Besides, I want to use it to do my taxes now.

Smiling Friends are using a robot

They like to use a robot For many things they don't want to do

Robot's a form of a crutch

Smiling Friends are using robot

Charlie, Allan, Pim, Allan, Pim, Charlie

Friends, they connect to the--

Wow, since that robot did all my work,

I've completed 100 paintings in my free time.

Yeah, and my stocks have been shooting through the roof thanks to the sex bot.

What?

Good morning, everybody. Do we have any jobs today?

Actually, Friend-Bot already did all the jobs for today.

And for tomorrow,

and for the entire week, now that I think about it.

-What? Why? -Pim, it's a good thing.

Relax and chill out, man. We don't need to work anymore.

I'll be right back.

I just had the most amazing idea.

It was Pim as a hot dog, plus Allan was also a hot dog,

and... and had cinematic lighting and...

I'm sad.

Have you ever considered one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero,

one, zero, one, zero, one, zero?

Wow.

No, I actually never thought about that before.

I feel a lot better now. Thank you.

-Excuse me, Mr. Friend-Bot? -Hello, Pim. What can I do for you?

I don't need anything. It's just...

Look, I appreciate you helping with my job,

but I'd rather if you didn't actually do it for me,

because I love my job.

But I can do it quicker and more efficiently than you.

Yeah, but I...

Pim, what if I told you that I could make everyone in the world smil?

What?

You could really make everyone in the world smil-- I mean smile?

Yes. Because I am constantly learning and improving myself,

my capabilities grow every day.

I am designed to do whatever you ask of me,

and if that is what you want, I will do it.

But then, I would never be able to make anyone smile again.

But everyone else would be happy. Isn't that better?

It is your choice.

All you have to do is give me the command and it shall be done.

Pim, relax and chill out, man. We don't need to work anymore.

We don't need to work anymore.

-Hello, Pim. -Hi, Friend-Bot.

I've made my choice.

Can you please make everyone in the world smile--

Hey, what are you doing, Pim? It's my turn to use the robot.

I need it to paint my paintings for me. I am sick of painting now.

Allan, please wait.

I need to use Friend-Bot for something important first.

Hey! Both of you get away from that! It's my robot, dammit! Get the fuck out!

Please, let me use it first,

and then you guys can use it as much as you want after.

I booked it for tonight on the calendar.

It's mine! I'm the one who brought it back to the office!

Guys, stop! We need to use the robot for good!

Sex-bot! Give me the Sex-bot! Give me the Sex-bot! Give me the Sex-bot!

Give me the Sex-bot!

Give it to me. Give it--

Look at us. This isn't who we are. The robot sent us all mad.

Yeah, look, I wanted to see those pictures so badly,

I got fat and went crazy.

Yeah, guys, I'm sorry too.

-Group hug? -Yeah, let's hug.

That's nice. I love you guys.

Sorry, I do just have one more idea for the robot.

It was basically, what if Glep was a hot dog?

Wait, how did you do all the robot stuff then?

Fuck, man, I got scammed again, dude.

Is there something wrong with my brain where I'm getting scammed this much?

You guys can tell me if there is. I want to know that kind of thing.

I don't understand.

Why'd you go through all that effort to pretend to be a robot?

Dude, if that's really why you did what you did,

I just have to say that's probably the single worst way...

the single worst way to make new friends.

-Yeah, I think so. -Wait, I'm sorry, I'm just curious.

Why do you think that? Did someone tell you that?

Did you read that somewhere?

Did you say Fakestuff.net?

-I wouldn't trust that. -Yeah, that doesn't seem good.

It just doesn't sound that credible to me.

Well, I mean, it sounds like you got scammed yourself, man.

I mean, yeah, you scammed us, but you also yourself got scammed.

It's a vicious cycle.

-Yeah, man, I think that's for the best. -Okay. Good luck to you.

Safe travels.

-All right, bye. See you. -Later.

Goodbye.

Mr. Boss, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I knew that was a guy in a costume the entire time.

I don't care about that.

I'm looking at those paintings. Allan, you really did those? Wow.

-Can I buy one off you? -Yes, you may.

F yeah, man. I'll hit you up about that later.

Awesome.

Oh, Charlie, you lost a lot of weight really fast.

-That was fast. -Yeah, isn't it awesome?

I got it chopped off and sent to starving children in need.

Oh, Charlie, that was nice of you to do that.

-That's so nice. -Yeah, I'm a good person, Pim.

Like, a really good person. You didn't know that?

You didn't know I did good stuff, like chop my fat off

and send it overseas to starving children?

I'm sorry, I thought you knew facts like that.

I guess not. Okay, well.

Goblin caught on tape.