All language subtitles for Johnny Vegas s02e04.eng

Crossfire!

NARRATOR: This time...

(INSTRUMENT BLARING)

...Johnny hands Bev
and Vikki the purse strings...

The last time I did that,
Bev bought a lobster phone.

...as he commits
to his riskiest buy yet...

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
I'm in so much trouble.

...before sailing away...

This is the life.

...to greener pastures.

- Whoo!
- You're giddy. - I am a little bit.

I said, "Good day, sir."(LAUGHS)

Last year, after a lifetime
collecting antiques and curios...

Who doesn't want
a marzipan Indiana Jones?

The Thirsty Bear!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

...actor and comedian Johnny Vegas
finally took the plunge...

(GLASS CLATTERS)
(WHISPERS) No, it's happened again.

...and fulfilled his dream
of opening his own antiques and collectible shop.

Vintage Vegas
is opening for business.

It proved a smash hit
with customers...

You'll pay 900 for it?
In your face.

...and gave Johnny confidence
in his eye for a good buy

and his ability
to sell eclectic items.

(WHISPERS) I'm a dealer. Get me.

Now, he and lifelong friend
and assistant Bev are back...

I knew we were coming home
with a badger.

...dreaming bigger...

Will it fit in the van?
This is an absolute disaster.

...and better...

(GASPS) Look at this.

...hoping business will boom,

and the shop will go from pop-up
to permanent.

This time round,
I don't want it to finish when the cameras go home.

(LAMB BLEATING)

With Johnny's partner, Vikki,
joining the team...

You'll stretch the leather.

I'll stretch your leather
in a minute.

...they're hitting the road
in search of new stock.

Hello, Mr Bond.

Hello, you creepy little chappie.

So can Johnny turn
from lifelong dreamer...

I'm a bit concerned opening today.

Got a price in mind.
Too low, mate.

...to full-time dealer...

That might be my naughty purchase.

You've got a deal.
(WHISPERING) He's so my boy.

...with his Little Shop of Antiques?

There we go!

Look at him.
He's back in the groove!

I'm trying to play it calm,
but I've just had a little wee. (MAN ON PHONE LAUGHS)

(SQUEAKING)

? Give me joy in my heart
Keep me buying

? Bring me joy in my heart
Sweet Lord

? Give me joy in my heart
Let's get smallies

? For the shop
That won't fall apart ?

(CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING)

Oh, you're a right giddy kipper.
I know. Never seen you this excited so early in the morning. Never.

NARRATOR: Johnny, Bev and Vikki
are on a 34-mile trip west to stock up for the shop.

They'll be visiting
the antiques and collectibles fair

held six times a year
at Uttoxeter Racecourse.

We're the three musky-teers,
cos this van's hot and we all smell a bit.

- Musky-teers?
- Musky-teers. - Musky-teers.(ALL LAUGH)

I was wondering what that smell was.
(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, it's definitely me.
It's coming from you. (ALL LAUGH)

It's definitely not your 'teers.

All for one, one for... Oh!
Put your arm back down.

Now with a year's experience
running his shop under his belt,

Johnny's ready to give his
apprentices their big break.

I'm gonna ask you both
to do a bit of buying for the shop.

If you see summat big...

Yeah... and you honestly think,
"He's gonna love it"...Yeah.

...and without being condescending,
like, come and grab us, or just say, "Can we?" Do you know what I mean?

- Let's make a team decision.
- Ooh!

Which means I'll decide.(ALL LAUGH)

You have the final say.

"Why did you get that?"
That's what it'll be.

Yeah, you'll see it on his face.
He's not got a poker face.

I just don't want you to -
Go on, do the face that you pull when you don't like it.

(BEV AND VIKKI LAUGH)

Right. So, buy for the shop.
Smalls, preferably.

- Use our initiative.
You've seen what we sell. - Yeah.

Quirky is great. Just... just go.
Okay, cool.

- Go buck wild.
- Go spend.

I didn't say, "Go buck wild", did I?
No, you didn't.

Uttoxeter Antiques
and Collectibles Fair

has been running for over 15 years,

and has over 130 stalls
packed to the gunwales...

It's us three on a buying trip.

...from cheap smalls
to high-end antiques.

So can Bev and Vikki
make the step up and buy for Johnny's shop?

VIKKI: What's the price on that?60.

Sixty. Okay.

Oh, that's nice.
I quite like that. Yeah.

Vikki and Bev have gone off, er,
buying by themselves.

The last time I did that,
Bev bought a lobster phone.

So I really hope that
they're gonna take it seriously.

- Oh, Bev.
- Oh. What are they?(BLOWS RASPBERRY)(CHUCKLES)

Can they buy for what's required?

It's no longer a giggle,
it's a business.

(BEV AND VIKKI LAUGHING)

- (INSTRUMENT BLARING)
Oh, 'ey. - I've still got it.

That's not... It can't be.
(SHOP OWNER SPEAKING)

- What, it's original?
- Yeah.

I'll have that. Ooh!

What have you got on them?
It's six quid for the pair, they are.

- Yeah.
- They're my last two.

- Well, can we do all of them for 30?
Yeah. - Lovely.

Johnny soon gets down to business,

picking up this original
enamelled sign

and two vintage baking moulds
embossed with the word "Raisley".

Made by Scottish flour makers
Brown & Polson in the early 20th century,

the branding is a play on words

between their base in Paisley
and flour's cake-raising properties.

Just spent 30 quid
and got three lovely...

lovely bits for the shop.

They have larger ticket items,
but I want to see what everybody's got

before I start
forking out the big money.

Johnny's made a start,
but Bev has taken things up a gear...

BEV: Beep-beep!
VIKKI: Johnny!(LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLING) Oh, my God.(LAUGHING)

Right, you two go off on your own.

I want... No.
I want nowt to do with it.

Come on, babe.
I thought you'd like the tricycle. (MIMICS ENGINE)

Well, that's projecting
a professional image.

- I love that.
- Cute, isn't it?

That's why I encourage them
to go off and shop by themselves.

Cos I knew
today would just be me going... (CLICKS TONGUE)

(BEV AND VIKKI LAUGHING)
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

This popular and busy fair

doesn't have room
for all the dealers inside the two main rooms.

Many set up shop outside,
giving Johnny plenty of room to rummage.

- I do love games
that nobody's ever heard of. - Hmm.

The Pro Golf!
Do you remember that, where you stand there...

That's it.
...you pretend to be... Oh, man.

- Yeah, back in the '70s,
that was. - Yeah.

- (GASPS) I love the graphics
on them. - Yeah.- What's on that?

Yeah, I could do you a tenner
on that one.

- Thank you.
- Superb.

Johnny's teeing off
a nostalgic buying round with his Pro Shot Golf Game.

Originally made in the 1950s,
it sold millions,

and is now
a popular collector's item.

I love the Crossfire.
What's he got on that?

Is it all in full working...
Let's have a look at it.

WOMAN: That's why he's got
the tape on it cos... Right.

No, but if it works...

Who don't remember Crossfire?
I don't remember Crossfire. (DOG BARKING)

Yes, yes, I know.
We'll get into that.

I know.
You'll get your money Tuesday.

Oh, it is.

Oh! Could be in trouble here.

So that's complete, innit?
It is, yeah.

What have you got on that?

I've got 20 on it.

It's one of those
"find me another one", really. Yeah. Yeah.

- I can't beat you up on 20.
I'll take that at 20. Thank you.

Created in 1971,

Crossfire was a hugely popular
physical two-player kid's game,

released around the same time
as the first arcade video games.

Crossfire was re-released
in the '90s,

but the design on this box
shows that Johnny's bagged himself an original.

(CHUCKLES) Crossfire!

(INSTRUMENT CHIMING)

Isn't this gorgeous?
Oh, I like that. That's cute.

Meanwhile, Bev and Vikki
are closing in on their first buy.

- Junior "Sooty" Xylophone...
Junior "Sooty" Xylophone? ...with Harry Corbett.

Oh, look.�12.
"Pop Goes the Weasel."

- Yeah.12?12 quid.
That's all right, innit? - Yeah.

What do you think?
You think he'll like it? Yeah, he will.

Definitely.
All right, I'm getting it.

So Bev and Vikki have bagged
their first buy of the trip.

This Sooty and Sweep
Junior Xylophone for �12.

Nostalgia Corner.

(GASPS, EXHALES)

Let's get ready to rumble.

Johnny chose Uttoxeter

as it's a large fair
with a high turnover of dealers and stock,

from low-cost smalls to salvage
and high-end antiques,

where each store could hold a gem
ready to catch Johnny's eye.

Oh, what's Blast-Off?

I've got a thing for games,
that you know when you're like, "I ain't seen one"?

MAN: Yeah.
It obviously didn't make it big.

Or it was just before my time.

- 1969.
- Yeah.

That was when my dad
was wooing my mum.

(LAUGHS)
How much you got on that? I'll do it for a tenner.

Cheers, mate. Thank you very much.
Well, I know you like it.

- You made me.
- Yeah, I know. - I love it. I love it.

Released in 1969
by game company Waddingtons

to tie in with the epic
Apollo 11 mission to the moon

and the era's fascination
with the Space Race,

sales weren't as stratospheric
as their other better-known titles,

Cluedo, and Risk.

I'll have to start walking around
a little bit quicker.

But for now,
I've already bought stuff,

the day's already, for me,
paying for itself.

I'm buying, it's not 'cause
I've lost the run of myself, it's 'cause you're going,

"Time to buy is when you see it,
cos it will shift later on."

But it really is.

So far, stuff's good for the shop,
and it makes me happy.

And if I'm happy, I can sell it.

And from a happy Johnny
to a busy Bev and Vikki,

who've now also ventured inside.

- Loads of smalls in here.
- Yeah.

Oh! Look at that.
You have a look.

(GASPS) That's nice.
Oh, yeah, that is cool.

Isn't that amazing?
Yeah. Nice. What's on that?

70.

- Let me just see.
- Yeah. - What's the best you could doon that?

What price have we got on it?
You've got 70 on it.

Er, we could do 60.50?

Okay.50.50? Yeah.
Oh, brilliant.

- Oh, thank you.Thank you.
I love it. - Oh, that's fabulous.

Vikki, haggling like a pro,
gets the price down from �70 to �50

for this rare 1950s
celluloid Japanese toy.

Oh, I love it. (LAUGHS)
Oh, just look!

- You know he's gonna love that.
I know. - Another wind-up...

It's gonna be another
not-for-sale, innit? It will be.

- Yeah.
- I think you'll please himwith that one.

Oh, hello, cheeky.
How much is that?

MAN: That can be �10.
Done.

Meanwhile, boss Johnny
is also bagging a bargain,

picking up this novelty nutcracker
for �10.

It's my backside after KFC.

He has been focused on shopping
for low-priced smalls,

but he's now reached
the fine antiques section,

where prices can climb very quickly.

Oh! These... Are they...
They're not...

So they're Swiss.
They're from the, erm, 1900s.

Oh, she's gorgeous.
They're... He's got... (GASPS) He's me.

That's me!
That's how I get out of bed.

How much have you got on these?

I could do that for 450.

- Oof! Right.
- That, 250.

Er, I'm gonna have to think on them.

- Yeah.
- I knew they wouldn't be... they wouldn't come cheap.

Oh, man.

So what's the best
for the two of them together?

And... and... and look away.

The grown-ups are talking.

(SQUEAKING)

NARRATOR: Johnny is at
Uttoxeter Racecourse

for the bi-monthly
antiques and collectibles fair.

After an early start,
and a morning focused on picking up smalls...

Could be 30.
Yeah, that's fair.

...he has wandered
into the fine antiques area,

and has been tempted by some
high-end Swiss clown figurines.

Antiques, it's a dangerous game.

It's a deep pool...

full of sharks with no teeth.
(CHUCKLES)

Are you ready to jump in?

So what's the best
for the two of them together?

Okay, for the two, 580.

Time to buy is when you see.

I'm gonna hate myself
if I walk away without them.

- 580.
- No problem.

(CHUCKLING) I'm in so much trouble.

This pair of dolls dates back
to the start of the 20th century,

and a cultural movement
known as Belle Epoque.

The character on the left
is known as Pierrot.

Missing clothing will have an effect
on the other puppet's value,

but both are highly
sought after by collectors.

(LAUGHS) Can't wait to pull that
out in the van and go,

"I hope you bought wisely,

"because one of us did."

Johnny's plan to divide and conquer
this huge market by splitting up

means Bev and Vikki
have had no oversight on what takes his fancy.

Time to meet up.

- You've got a van full?
JOHNNY: Yeah. - Aye-aye.

- Oh, hello.
- Are you havinga minute? I've just gonelovely vintage tins.

- Nice.
- And then, you knowthe little games

that you get these bees into a hive.
Fabulous.

You're knocking it out of the park.

A Sooty xylophone.(GASPS)(LAUGHS)

Oh, get out of town!
It's a little bit damaged. That's brilliant.

Genuinely, just,
can we take a moment here?

These are bloody brilliant.

I know, but I feel like a teacher
who's dead proud after the GCSEs. Oh, wait till you see this.

(GASPS) You're gonna have to bleep.
(LAUGHS)

That is (BLEEP) amazing.

Oh! (LAUGHS)
He's sweet, in't he?

- He's amazing.
- He's fab, isn't he?Do you love him?- I love him.

I knew he'd react like that
for the spinning boy.

- I love it.
- Yeah. - I don't want to sell it.

(LAUGHS) I'm turning into Johnny.

- Haven't we done well, eh?
- Yeah.

Team Little Shop of Antiques.
Come on, bring it in...

Yeah... you kooky kids.

Maybe he'll allow us
to go shopping again. Oh, gosh, yeah. Fingers crossed.

So it seems Bev and Vikki
have played all the right notes for Johnny with their buys,

including this
"Sooty" Junior Xylophone,

and a new member
of Clockwork Corner.

But how will they react
to Johnny's big gamble?

(CHUCKLING) I was doing really well.

Oh, no.
I was doing really well.

Bubble-wrapped.

Bubble wrapped.
That means it's expensive.

(BOTH LAUGH)

It's me.(CHUCKLES)

Look, he's got a hat.

That's falling off.
As if that changes things.

Have you checked what they...
Well, before you paid for them,

- have you checked what they go for,
and there's enough in them? - No.

- Are you ready?
- Go on.

Ta-da!

Who is she?

I don't know.
Is she from something? Or is she just...

No. She's just an antique toy.

I like her.

How much do you like her?
No, she's... Erm...

- Okay.
- I like her.A hundred each? - I like her. I think she's...

- Oh.
- Am I way off?

This is where it gets painful.

What have you paid?580.

This is us moving into...
High-end... antiques.

- That online
should pay for that. - Okay.

And that should pay for...

Yeah, absolutely... er, itself.

No, she's lovely. I love the clown.

- I thought you two
would go mad at me. - No.- No.

Obviously, if you feel
they're a really, really good deal

and they're gonna
fetch money, that's fine.

You don't have to
justify yourself to us.

- I can see why you've got them.
- Yeah.

It was a proper...

proper, sort of,

- "trust your instincts".
- Yeah.- Okay.

Trust your instincts.
Go with your guts. Go with it.

And I did. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.
But if not...

You go with your gut.
...I adore them.

We have entered the high-end...

thing of antique...
This is antiques.

- Yeah.We've taken a step up.
Yeah, absolutely. - Please trust me.

I'm not regretting the clown.

I'm actually pleasantly surprised
at the reaction to it from Vikki and Bev.

I think I will learn from this one.

We'll find out. We'll discover.

We'll put it online,
and we'll see what reaction it gets.

It was a big, big decision
to roll the dice on them,

but only time can tell on that one.

Back at Dagfields,
and there are empty shelves to fill

from Johnny, Bev and Vikki's
first ever joint buying trip.

It's time to price up
and get the shop open.

But will customers be as excited
about Bev and Vikki's first buys as Johnny was?

Quite the haul.
(LAUGHS) Just a bit.

- Yeah.
- But let's get through.

And Bev's been doing some homework
on those big-ticket puppets.

- I'm just doing the research
on these two. - Yeah.

- So they're both rare,
Swiss, 1920s. - Yeah.

I have looked online,
just an initial quick search.

He's quite rare.
I found one for 550, and I've found her for 300.

But she has got clothes on,
the other one.

So 850 at the moment online.

I know that you said that
you'd like to sell her and keep him,

but he's worth far more,
so you need to sell him.

And then you might keep her
cos she's got no clothes.

(LAUGHS)

That makes me sound like
a kind of robot pervert.

No, I just meant that
she's worth more with clothes.

But we'll see. They are rare.
Stick them online and see how they do.

She's going on...
She's going on for 300.

And he's going on... Yeah.
He's going on for 550,

- so we're putting those on for 850.
Right, okay. - Yeah.

Board games times three.30.

Crossfire, 30.

Pro Shot Golf, erm, 25.

But Blast-Off, 35,
cos it's quite unique.

"Game of modern space exploration
and technology for one to four players".

As I remember it,
only three men went to the moon.

- Erm, puppet.
- Oh, it's a witch!

- 45.
- Okay.

The Pelham Puppet Company was
created during the Second World War

by serving soldier Bob Pelham.

Originally making hand-carved
donkeys to pass the time,

he turned his hobby
into a global business following the war.

But let's talk about
the, erm, exquisite things

that you two actually went off
and bought. (CHUCKLES)

The buy... The buy of the day.
(EXCLAIMS)

The absolute... Gorgeous.

Oh, come on, tell me.

- 50 quid. It was on for 70.
You spent 50 quid? - Yeah.

- Have you done any provenance?
Yeah. - Have you looked online?

Yeah, I have. I've found one online.

Er, Japanese, 1920s.
There is one up for 150.

I think 175.
But it's going in my

"do not want to sell"...
Oh, no... corner.

Johnny, it's not
your flipping toy shop.

It's got to go.
You have got to sell them. It's a talking point!

This 1950s
Branko Mechanical Acrobat toy

was made in Japan
by a company called CK Toys.

The very fragile doll
is made of celluloid,

the first form of synthetic plastic.

So to have one in this condition
is a rare find.

Oh, please fit in there.

- Oh, look at you.
- I was hopingit wasn't gonna fit in there.

Isn't he resplendent?

Little toddler
who's already joined the circus.

With the shelves
filled with fresh stock from Uttoxeter,

it's time to open up and welcome
in some happy shoppers,

as well as the newest member
of the team... (DOG BARKS) ...Vikki's dog, Casper.

But I just... I just love the...

Now lick Daddy's ear.
(BEV AND VIKKI LAUGH) (EXCLAIMS)

Hello. We have our first customer.
Ooh!

- Right. 15 for this.
15 on that. - Yeah.

Pleasure doing business with you.

- It's gorgeous.
- Great stuff.

With Casper there
for moral support...

MAN: Fabulous. Thanks so much.
Bless you. Thank you so much.

...the smalls from their
Uttoxeter shopping trip are selling paw over fist.

You okay there?
Oh, lovely. We love these.

JOHNNY: Oh, they're fab.
We don't even eat nuts.

(ALL LAUGHING)
You'll have to now.

It's when you get
one elderly relative going, "Can I have another nut?"

(ALL LAUGHING)

He's enjoying the view.
(ALL LAUGHING)

BEV: Put your card in, please.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you. - Cheers. Have a lovely day.

Having cracked that sale,
another of the Uttoxeter smalls grabs a customer's attention.

The fact it comes with a wood...
(CHUCKLES)

...a putter and a nine-iron.

Hole in 12!(WOMAN CHUCKLES)

Ka-ching!

It's just...
it's a stupid amount of fun. MAN: It is.

That's ace.
I think I might need to get that.

But wrapping up the deal may prove
to be the biggest challenge of all.

You are so (BLEEP) with Sellotape.

- Here y'are. Here y'are.
- Yeah.

There's other people around us
just looking on and saying nothing.

Move your fingers. Right,
we've got no bubble wrap left now.

Wow. Happy birthday.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I wish we'd just said,
"We'll bring it to your car."

- That was bloody awful.
Why didn't you do it? - Exactly.

(SQUEAKING)

(SQUEAKING)

After a successful shopping trip
to Uttoxeter market,

Johnny, Bev, Vikki,
and dog Casper...(BARKS)

...are turning their hard work
into hard cash, here at Dagfields.

Two little tins. Oh, that's lovely.
That's 30. Is it cash or card?

- Erm, cash.
- Yeah, that's great. - Thank you so much.

Having already sold
one of Johnny's games from Uttoxeter market,

another one soon orbits the till.

I love the fact that,
you know, the attention span of an 8-year-old...

"The game of modern
space exploration..." It says, "Techno... whatever."

(ALL LAUGH)

Fantastic. Cheers, lads.

Thank you.
Thanks for coming in.

Whoo-hoo, blast-off!
To the stars!

Oh. I love her.

- Beautiful.
- She is.

If you can untangle that
and tie it back, do you know what I mean?

- Yeah.
- She'll be hours of funfor everyone.

- Thank you very much.
- Cheers. - Thanks very much.

I've not given
any discounts today. (BEV AND VIKKI GASP)

- Good boy, Johnny.
You're a good boy. - Good boy.

And as the day winds down,
there's time for one last sale,

as Johnny's final remaining game,
Crossfire, has been snapped up.

- They go in there.
- Yeah.You load up your guns,don't ya?- That's right.

And you fire them,
but you need the essential, which I...

Do you know what,
now I'm mortified if it's gone...

Let's lift it up
cos there's more stuff underneath.

It seems Johnny's finally
lost his marbles,

but Bev to the rescue
and it's game on.

There you go, lads.

That was rubbish.
You're meant... (GASPS)

If I can get this
nearest to you... Yeah, you win.

You... Oh!
...absolute...

(LAUGHS)

Never worked harder for 30 quid
since I worked at Argos.

It's good to be busy.

How about with that missing,
25 then?25.

Would that be all right?
25. Yeah, absolutely.

Despite taking a hit on the missing
piece with a �5 reduction,

Johnny sells Crossfire for �25.

MITM, method in the madness.
(ALL LAUGH)

On one level,
I want to be taken seriously,

on the other level, come on then,
let's have a game of Crossfire.

See the joy on his face,
me and him playing that with a milk bottle top.

Every now and then you just
come in the shop and you go, "What a joy."

He's gone away with something,

and he is gonna feel
eight years old again.

Feel like Father Christmas.

After a successful day trading,

Johnny's shutting up shop
for the next few days

as he's planned to go over
to Ireland to see his son,

who lives there with his mum.

I'm going over to Dublin to see Tom.
Yeah.

You just do a little bit
of research, there might be more places worth visiting.

Make a weekend buying trip...
Yeah... of it as well?

Let me just check your schedule...
Okay.

...and get the days.
But you know me. I hate to fly...

Yeah... so we're getting the ferry.
Don't forget your seasick tablets.

What, for the ferry?
(MIMICS RETCHING)(LAUGHS)

For the Ireland road trip?
Yeah. Yeah.(LAUGHS)

So I'm going over to Ireland
to see my son, Tom,

who's an incredible 10-year-old lad.

And every time I'm there,
I know there's buying opportunities.

I'd like to take him out with me.

He's a clever young lad,
but is he a dealer?

So, with a trip to Ireland
for Johnny and Bev on the horizon,

fellow dealer Jon Egglestone
has dropped in to offer some advice.

- I'm off to Ireland.
Exciting. Buying trip? Yeah.

- I have one contact over there.
- Yeah. - Basically deals out of his house.

And I do like them dealers where
their house is their sales room.

Yeah, it's always nice,
you can always find good stuff.

But I have no idea
what the rest of...

There's the guy I know,
the Kilkenny guy...

It's Kilkenny I'm going to.
He's got some good stuff there.

Has he got smalls? Has he got...
But like you'll say now...

I don't wanna go over there
and just find a load of furniture that I can't,

you know, three pieces
and the van is full. No, he has got loads of smalls.

He's got a good mix
of original stuff,

- and he's got a good mix
of repro stuff as well. - Right.

But he's always got a supply
of stuff. Always getting stuff in.

So I think you'll have a good time
furkling through what he's got there.

- Cool.
- The experience is differentover there to what it is here. - So I think that's good.

And they have different ways
of buying, er, and selling.

So, it's...
it's gonna be experience for you.

So don't go in there
with two water pistols going,

"I want every toucan
you've got!"No.

Don't show you like it too much,
or they won't...

(SIGHS)..haggle down too much.
Don't be too keen.

- Aw. You're the best life coach
I've ever had. - Am I?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Well, thank you.Yeah.- Yeah.

But for now you're gonna stay
my best friend.

- Okay.
- Forever and ever.(LAUGHS)

Johnny and Bev's Irish odyssey
begins with a journey 110 miles west to Holyhead Port.

But Johnny's been
burning the midnight oil.

JOHNNY: The state of me hands.
I was up half the night sculpting.

Thought you'd always
prided yourself... When have I ever said I pride myself on my hands?

Their route to the port
passes directly through a very special place in Johnny's life.

Anglesey,
one of my favourite places on earth.

- Aw.
- I love it here.

When my dad used to
bring us on holiday,

I was the only one
that went out with him.

- He used to drive round,
just pull over at every beach available.

Them few places you go,
"If I didn't live in St Helens..."

- Mm.
- Genuinely, I could live in Anglesey.

Johnny and Bev arrive
at Holyhead ready,

well, sort of, to board the ferry.

Couldn't find my tablets
this morning.

You know, when you've gotta convince
a dog to take its medication

and wrap it in like cheese or pate
or something.

I should put my tablets
in a box of sweets

and then I'll take...
I won't forget them then.

I might put them
in that box of mint humbugs.

Ooh, I like that.(LAUGHS)

Why is it I just wanna pull things
off the wall... I'll get your screwdriver... everywhere I go?

I love the ferry.
And there's a much more romantic

sense of arrival when you get there.

This trip, in a way,
there is some pressure on it

because it's really gotta pay for
itself. We're not on us holidays.

It's a... you know,
it's for the shop, it's for the business.

I love Ireland.
My great-grandparents came over...

He came over, lied about his age
to get a job

and then brought his sweetheart over
and got married here.

So, gis' a passport.

This is the life.
Who's not living the dream?

But whilst Johnny's
living the dream, Bev's having a nightmare.

(EXHALES)
Oh, is it seriously... Do you not... do you not like...

Just a little bit queasy.

Friends for over 25 years,

Johnny's on hand to cheer Bev up,
in his own special way.

Oh, yi yi. Pretty soon

- you'll see the Green Isle
on the horizon. - The Emerald Isle.

I could swim it from here.

You could swim to Ireland?
Yeah.

Just grease myself up quick.
They've got butter over there. (LAUGHS)

Or I'd just float there
like a jellyfish.

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING) Just gently
wafting me arms.(LAUGHS)

Be worth it when we come back
with one tiny teapot.(LAUGHS)

- If we only come back with one thing,
then we could've flown. I will not be happy.

"Let's go and do
a buying trip in Ireland. We'll just get the ferry."

I didn't say it like that,
though, did I?

- No, you didn't.
- I just thinkwe've gotta explore new...

Yeah, new horizons,
get out of the UK, get to Ireland.

- New horizons.
- Oh, yeah, look at you.

- If I created an aftershave,
I'd call it that. - Would you?

"New Horizons".(LAUGHS)

Oh, yeah, that's a seller.
Yeah. "Check out the view". (BOTH LAUGH)

It would be the new Old Spice,
an aftershave for middle-aged men. I'd call it the "Cajun Chicken Rub".

(INHALES DEEPLY, EXHALES)

(SQUEAKING)

(SQUEAKING)

Johnny and Bev have crossed
the 94 nautical miles

across the Irish Sea
to the Emerald Isle.

BEV: Dublin, here we come.

And I didn't throw up. (LAUGHS)

(JOHNNY VOCALISING)

- Oh, the egg's runny.
Good. - Watch it on your top.

I've got baby wipes.
Yes, Mum.(LAUGHS)

First stop is to see
an off-the-beaten-track dealer Johnny's known for years.

- Brittas Bay!
- Yes.

? We're on our way

? To Brittas Bay ?

From Dublin Port,
they head 40 miles south to Brittas Bay.

Niall O'Connor,
who grew up in the UK before relocating to Ireland,

runs Brittas Bay Antiques from home
with his wife.

The huge range of weird
and wonderful goods

means there's something
for everyone, especially Johnny.

I've kept in touch with Johnny,
so I know him pretty well.

I'd say, erm,
this could be dangerous.

He could end up buying
a load of stuff.

- You'll enjoy
Niall and Chrissie's place. Oh, lovely.

This is what I love. I love people
that are a bit like me.

They live amongst the collection.

It's like an antique version
of Disneyland.(LAUGHS)

Here we are, yeah.
Turn off here. We're here. Whoo!

I can't get my seatbelt off.
He's that excited he can't get his seatbelt off.

Honest to God,
he's been like a little kid.

This is fantastic, isn't it?
It's not the worst spot. Beautiful place.

I know. We're very lucky.
It's gorgeous.

- When the sun's shining here,
it's like heaven on Earth. - Yeah.

Completely out of the blue finds.

Remember,
I basically doorstepped you.

Chrissie rang me and said,
"Johnny Vegas is at the door."

I thought she was just
pulling my leg, but yeah.

You were in collector mode
in those days. Still am. It's always...

- Yeah.
- Never leaves you, does it? - I know, but now you're morea dealer, aren't you?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.- I'm buying for the shop.

So I'm buying for the shop,

but I'm also going,
"Buy what you love,

"and if it don't sell,
you don't mind living with it."

Come on, let's go in then.
(EXCLAIMS)

Get outta town! Look at...

(GASPS) This was my game!

- Original Asteroids Deluxe,
1980, Atari. - Wow!

(EXCLAIMS) Our local supermarket
had it,

and I had to beg for money
to play it.

And my dad, genuinely,
bought me a pig's trotter from the butcher's.

I had a pig's trotter
and I'm playing on this,

pig's foot in my mouth,
wondering why I struggled to make friends.

(LAUGHS)
Oh, man.

Sadly for Johnny,
there's not enough room in the van

for a six-foot
vintage arcade machine.

I'd take you on holiday if I could.

At least Bev will be pleased
he resisted.

(SNIFFS)

Oh, my gosh,
this is a real Aladdin's cave.

I mean, I don't know whether
Johnny had undersold it,

but you come in,
it's just room after room after room of just treasure.

Yeah. He's not coming away from here
without anything. Absolutely not.

(WHISPERING) That is really cool.

(IN NORMAL VOICE)
If I was one of them...

"people" who work in the city,

that's what I'd wanna take
my laptop in on.

"Hi Jeff, have you got the numbers,
did you crunch the numbers?" "Oh, shut up.

"No. It's a bank holiday.
I was out on the razz." (LAUGHS)

"Leave me alone, Jeffrey."

And from city slicker
back to antiques dealer,

as a nearby ceramic plate
catches Johnny's eye...

Oh, that's gorgeous.

Oh, that's a nice bit of kitsch.

Please, be cheap.

...and he makes a quick deal
for both.

That can be 25 euro.

- Done.
- Okay. - Won't mess you about on that.

And... same again.

- Deal.
- Right.- There you go, you see.

Not always trying to squeeze
the last penny out of ya.

The bag has the branding
of sports sticker company Panini,

who formed in Italy in 1961.

Originally a magazine distributor,
they went global

following the launch of their
1970 Mexican World Cup collection.

With his first buys bagged,
Niall's now playing hard to get with Johnny.

Go on, break my heart,
what's on that?

Too much for you, I'd say.
Right, okay. I like... You know what?

I like how we're just
cutting to the chase here.(LAUGHS)

"How much is on that?"
"Too much for you."

(LAUGHS) I'm just being blunt.

(LAUGHS)
Saves a bit of time, Johnny.

Well, that's what you gotta love
about dealers, isn't it?

"Too much for you."
I'm having that as a tattoo.

Oh! (LAUGHS)

Effing bonkers.

No other word for it.
You can't have a rat that size. I don't know what it is.

"I just ate a man
but he was full of arsenic, and then I died."

Where the hell did you get that?

It's a beautiful Victorian dome,

and then it just has that
madness in it.

Go on, tell me. Give me a price.

Erm, 150.

If we can do a bit of a deal
on that...

If you do 120 on it, I'll take it.

- 130.
- Give me 125,cos you know I'm gonna keep buying.

Squeezing every last cent.
Cheers, buddy.

Wait 'til Bev sees this
going in the car.

The glass dome
and velvet wooden base, also known as a bell jar or cloche,

which literally means bell
in French,

are highly collectible and make up
the lion's share of the value in this buy.

Niall has stored the plastic rat
and skull inside

that may find buyers of their own.

With vintage games selling well
in the shop,

Johnny's spotted an opportunity.

Oh, hello.

(IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Hello, my friend. Hello.

It's good to need...

I'm sure you can figure out
how that works, can you?

So, yeah, exactly.

So you've... these, er...
these flick...(SNAPS)..like that.

- Watch his foot.
- Wow! - You need to work out the right ones.

There's a little ball bearing.
I don't know if it's there. I heard it rolling.

Yeah, it's probably underneath.

Then it lands in each segment and
you have to pick the right player and...(SNAPS)..flick it.

(GASPS) What's on it? 85.

Go on then,
let's see your haggling skills.

I have a nice little toy section.
I love things like this.

- I think the graphic sells it.
- Yeah.

But... And I'm only...
I'm being dead honest with you,

erm, of what I think it'll sell for.

I'll be one of them things somebody
didn't come in intending to buy this, but they're gonna find it.

50.50?

What, that's what you want to...
Yeah.

- ...pay me?
- Yeah.- Yeah.

Good man. I love it.

Johnny scored this vintage
1960s football game,

distributed by Salco,

a spring and pulley system
under the tin pitch

enabled the players
to kick the ball.

This was one of many football games
that tried but failed to compete

with the finger-flicking classic,
Subbuteo.

That sculpture's bizarre.

Where'd you get that?
Four-foot shoe. Where else would you get it?

- Oh, it's a shoe?It's a shoe.
- Yeah. - What have you got on that?

(CHUCKLES)
It's a four-foot shoe.

Come on, how many buyers
do you get for a four-foot shoe?

I don't know. Go on, make an offer.
I... I... I... I...

Every now and then
I've gotta, you know...

Yeah... kidney punch you.

Fifty quid.

- Fifty quid?
- I'll put it in the van.

It'd just look good for the shop.

Give me a bit of space.
Brilliant.

I bought a giant shoe for the shop,

but I only paid 50 euros for it.

It's just one of them things.
Show me another.

And when I threw that price at him,
I thought he was gonna slap me and walk out.

But he obviously knows
that it's gonna take a very niche buyer...

...to take a giant shoe
away with them.

- I like that.
- Hold on. What?

There's a tenner on it, is there?
Fiver.

It's... Come on, it's plastic.

(LAUGHS)

And Johnny's not done yet,

building up a budget-busting
bevvy of items,

including the three signs,
a movie prop bus stop,

and a pair of Indonesian
carved figurines.

1,500 euros on what was meant to be,
"We're gonna pop up the road and visit a friend."

But well, good stuff,
great for the shop.

Niall's, like, range
of what he has in there is every bit of the eclectic nature

that I want to bring
to the Little Shop of Antiques.

We don't know what we'll find
on the rest of our trips,

so at least when we see
the good stuff, buy it now.

Superb. What a day.

Only a few hours
after driving off the ferry,

John and Bev leave Brittas Antiques
with their budget under pressure

and the van already
testing the suspension.

Next stop is to pick up
the most precious cargo of all,

Johnny's son, Tom.

Whoo! Looking forward to seeing Tom.

- It'll be his first buying trip
with his dad. - You're giddy!

I am a little bit.
I've never seen you so happy.

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