All language subtitles for Johnny Vegas s01e05.eng

In your face.

NARRATOR: This time, Johnny
swoops in on a vintage teapot.

That's me in the car with Bev.

He's hypnotised by a painting...

They're the only paintings
I've ever seen

where the eyes refuse
to follow you around the room.

...and makes a beeline
for an unusual object.

This kind of makes no sense,
but I want it.

Bought bloody wasps nest?

To millions, Johnny Vegas is known

as an award-winning
stand-up comedian.

Good evening, Billy Joel.
(CHEERING) Much loved actor...

I've got no range,
but distinctive is what I do.

...and celebrated artist.

But he's also
a collector of vintage. The odd...

This was once the pilot
of a flying badger.

...and the extraordinary.

Why I bought this and why
I paid for it, I'm taking the fifth.

Now after years of dreaming,
he's turning his hobby into a business...

Oh, wow, it's massive!

...by opening his very own
vintage and collectible shop.

Oh, now it feels real.

So, with the help of lifelong friend
and assistant Bev...Well done.

...he's finally parting
with some of his collection...

I'm really attached to it.
...and hitting the road...

God, we look like swingers.
(LAUGHTER)

...in search of hidden treasures
to stock the shop.

(GASPS)

Buying low.Thirty quid.

No, not 60. Just go to 70.

Are there any other monstrosities
you've purchased?

...in the hopes of selling high.
Two hundred quid.

Thank you.Deal done. I like it.

But as a first-time dealer...

...has Johnny got what it takes?

Auctions are not a good place
for Johnny.

Spent double the budget.

You don't trust me, do you?No.

It's been a tough week.

To turn his lifelong passion...
Get in!

You know, buddy.Here we go.
...into the business of his dreams.

(SOFTLY) I do know what I'm doing.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

We open soon.Cheers, mate.

After a successful few days, Johnny
and Bev are rearranging the shop.

I get on a roll
and then I get overloaded.

And then I go, "Why have I left that
like that for so long?"Yeah.

It's almost like this is becoming
a good selling corner.

But with dwindling stock...

I keep feeling like
we haven't got enough stuff.

...it's time for
another buying trip.

I've got empty shelves. I've got
to buy stuff that I can sell.

I've learned from this,
buy small, but buy well,

learn from your mistakes,

and, and learn from your successes.

Just buy proper.

So today, Johnny and Bev
are on their way to Stafford

to visit a 1940s themed
antiques venue.

Where are we to go here, left?

We're on our way.
Let me check the sat map.

Should we go into I can't get it.
I can't pronounce this.

Is it Southan or Southan?

We'll ask when we get there.
Who's got the closest pronunciation?

No, just say it very slowly.
It's lovely to be here in...

and let them finish it out.
Southan Antiques.

People do that for me anyway
because they think I'm thick.

You do it.(LAUGHS)
I do not talk to you -

You finish my sentences for me.

So, let them do it for a change.
I don't do that because I think you're stupid.

You know what, you'll do.
We've got a plan now.

It's lovely to be here in...
And you'll go.

Southern. Southern.

I'm gonna take on board your
constructive feedback

to not talk over you

and finish your sentences.
It's a different day. It's a different day.

Give it an hour
and it'll start -

How much did you get?

Real deal, Johnny. Are you gonna
stick within the budget? (LAUGHS)

I'm officially

giving you permission to go...

This is how much you spent.

If you have that,
you can't have that.

No, we will. I will, honestly.

You're all heart with this,
aren't you?

That head needs to come
into play a little bit more.

How many times do we go,
could do more smalls?

Yeah, definitely.
I don't want to open somewhere

that looks like it's just -Spa.
No, not spa.

You're finishing my sentence?
Okay. I'm sorry. Go on.You did it.

In record time.I know. I've not
even finished the drive, and I've done it.

(BOTH LAUGH)

This antiques emporium is run by
husband and wife team, Jamie and Tina,

who have been dealing
antiques for six years.

We sell antiques,
vintage items, vinyl records.

We've got different themed rooms.

Anything quirky,
anything that catches our eye.

I'm not taking the car.

Oh, okay. Yeah, let's go around.

Hiya. Johnny, Beverly.

Hi, nice to meet you both.

Is it Southan?Southan.

I told you.What?
It's Southan.

He was saying Southern.

Yeah. Southan.

Now they'd cleared that up,

Johnny begins
his quest to find smalls,

but with so much on offer...

Oh, my God.
That's me, Saturday night.

That's me, Sunday morning.

...it's hard not to get distracted.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh.

(EXHALES)

My kitchen.

I've been after one of these.

Dangerous, dangerous,
dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXHALES)

Who doesn't go out
with their other half and go,

"You know what, darling?"

"How long have we been together?"

"How much can I tell you
that I love you?"

"I value you and I trust
your opinion on everything."

"Please accept this wasp's nest."

"Thank you for the best
40 years of my life."

It's quite cool that, actually.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh! I want that for me.

Oh!

That's a nice display.

Ooh.

You know, I keep looking for things
that look like Johnny.

Hear no evil, speak no evil,
see no evil.

That's what it is. Three Johnnys.

Well, that one is, "Do not tell me
that I'm over budget."

"I don't wanna know
how much you've spent."

If somebody bought you that,
wouldn't you leave them instantly?

You've ruined my world, you pig!

I put all my money into you.

I love the temper, yeah.

Yeah, the lid, the lid makes it.

That's me in the car with Bev.

If you can talk 10 minutes
about an object,

it's coming over to you, isn't it?

I just don't know why
they put spectacles on it.

Keep learning.
Keep learning, Vegas.

Keep learning.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT)

(LAUGHS) Another Johnny.

The resemblance.

Toys. I just love them.
I love them. I love them.

I can't go near them.

That's how I'll bankrupt myself.

There's no way my head
will get a look in

over my heart when it comes to toys,
so I'm just not going there.

I'm in trouble.
God, I love that Dodgems.

Don't do it. Don't look at it.

I want to be taken seriously.

I'm trying to find that
right balance of having some fun with what I'm doing

because you've got to
buy what you love.

I don't want people to go.
"He's buying stuff because he can."

I can't believe this,
I think I'm going to pass on it.

I might have to ask him about that.

It was well documented
that John Lennon had a sloping eye.

He always wore his glasses like that
to try and hide it. See?

God, this is the hard bit
when it's a business.

Is that brilliant or is it...

...like the worst purchase
you can make?

He took John Lennon's nostril
and gave it to the drummer.

After a successful nose round,
it's time for Johnny

to sniff out some deals as he tries
to keep his spending down.

Right. Got a couple of things here.

Is that legit?

It is. It's from a local
Scout's hut.

It's meant for
throw the ball through the mouth.

Yeah, fundraiser. How much?Twenty.

Done?Done.Okay.Deal.

Fabulous.

What are these? And are they period?

They are period. They are early
20th century French poultry award plaques.

So I thought they were agricultural.
They are.

It's an award for your bird
winning the prize basically.

Winning the day.They're 20 for all?
Twenty for the set.

I can't beat you up on that, can I?

I think that's fair.Done.

No problem.
Isn't it simple when you get along?

These 1960s poultry awards
from the French town of Boussac,

were awarded to farmers
for their winning livestock.

Right, then. Not even gonna,
the brick mould.

Okay, Indian brick mould.
What you got on that?Sixteen quid.

I'm not gonna mess about
with you on stuff like this.

Yeah.Worth it. Love it.

Clay would be pressed into these
early 20th century Indian brick moulds,

then dried out in the sun
before firing.

They're now often used
as planters for the garden

or rustic wall decorations.

And I did see earlier, and this is
the kind of stuff I get grief over.

It's this, and I'm not offending
your taste in any way,

but this is so wrong.
The bespectacled, judgmental chick

just pulls out the flames.
Yeah, yeah, I see the resemblance.

It makes it, what is on this?

What you got on the ticket?
Got a tenner on the ticket.

I said I wouldn't beat you up
on the small stuff.

I'll give you a tenner for it.Okay.

This Cath Kidson teapot from
her limited 2019 hen party range

is a rare find on auction sites

where unboxed,
it could sell for up to �50.

Uh, I couldn't find a price on it.

I was looking early,
the keys cut here.

Sixty-five.It does need a bulb.

The bulb has gone.

Turn the screws, dead simple.

But the bulb has gone
or the fuse blown out.

I'm throwing my hand out.

Can I have a think on it?Yeah.

Just in case if I've got enough
left over.Yeah.I love it.

So, Jamie, it's really, I've not
fought you on the price, have I?

No, you haven't, to be fair.

You know what I mean,
I've stepped up.

This (CHUCKLING) kind of
makes no sense,

but I want it

if I'm completely honest.Go on.

The jar, the base
does nothing for me.

It's just the subject matter inside.

Okay, so there's a possibility
you might just want the the nest

without the...?Yeah, yeah.Okay.

I mean, it'd be handy
with this, but it doesn't,

it doesn't match up.
It doesn't improve it, it doesn't.

So I don't wanna -
The whole, the whole piece...

Yeah....the best would be 55.

If you just want the nest
and leave the jar, 25.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

With shop stock running low,

Johnny Vegas and his assistant, Bev,
are on a buying trip

at Southan Antiques
in Staffordshire.

Hello.

Johnny's already bought
four small items.

How much?Twenty.

Done?Done. Fabulous.

But he's now in the middle of
the negotiations for a wasp's nest.

The jar, the base
does nothing for me.

It's just the subject matter inside.

Okay. The best would be 55.

If you just want the nest
and leave the jar, 25.

Done.Okay.Good. Thank you.

All I've got to do
and I promised I'd do it,

is tally up with what I've got left.

What did we say
on the 'Keys Cut Here'?

It's got 65 on it.Right.

Just to bear that in mind.Okay.
Bev?

You know, I'll blow a horn.
(MIMICS BLOWING A HORN)

BEV: Yeah, coming.

We're okay. Everything's under
20-30 quid.Okay.

I need to know what I've got left
before I look at the remaining items.

Okay, well, I've got some more.

Basically, I need you to do maths.

Yes,
Because I can't.

I'm all about the passion.

Just have a chat with them
and see where -Where you're at.

Yeah.Okay. Yeah, yeah.
I've got a wasp's nest.

I got me a a mother hen
with a judgmental child.

I got a brick mould
which I really like.

I have got the fairground
fundraiser from the Scouts.

I made up with the chicken awards.
Quite restrained from me

because I have seen stuff
that I'd have bought

and it'd have been
with me forever,

but now, I see what sells,

I see what's out there
and you start to look at trends.

It's not the national trust.
I'm not opening up my home

for people to come
and have a wander around.

I'm buying stuff to sell.

Oh, I wonder if Bev will come up
and tell me what I've spent.

Hello.Hiya.

Is there a couple of items
you're thinking about?

Are these just the smaller ones
that I got?

I don't know what you've got.
Just on the smaller items.Yeah.

It's left room to look at,

a couple more bits around
the corner no one will look at,

and it's left us room
that if we do go for one

slightly larger item.
Okay, we've got room for it.

Aren't you proud?Yeah,
there's only a couple of things,

but there's a few where he said
you're still thinking about,

it's the thinking about
that I'm worried about

that will suddenly jump up.

Having been given the tentative
go ahead from Bev...

I've got a few bits round here.
Mind if we go and have a look?

...Johnny shows Jamie some
of the other items he's got his eye on.

Where did you come across these?
Know what I mean?

We had about 30 of these,
30 to 40 of them.

All of them completely different,
from different locations.

Yeah.You've got Liverpool.

You've got London, Cardiff.

There are so many
different locations.

There are billiard table ironing.

Shut up!Now they're
for billiard tables.

Wow!People use them for doorstops.

So that'd be gently heated,
and then...

For the billiard tables, yeah.
They can all be 20 each.

Oh, I'll have the Manchester
and the Liverpool.No problem.

Done.Yeah.

These Victorian
cast iron billiard irons

were used to iron
the green baize fabric

of billiard and snooker tables.

They each display
the manufacturer's name and location

as a form of advertising
and are now a popular antique find.

Let's talk about
the giant in the room.

Believe it or not, it's come
from the same place as the Scouts,

one that you've had. Those
both done for school fights.

That again is 20 quid.
It's school fete.

How big does bingo have to be

before you're gonna get
the youth interested?

That's what, 20?Twenty as well.

God, I was really waiting to,
you know, let me down gently.

No, no.

Oh, that is... Look at him.

(DING)

I have to ask.

What were, why, how,
what is the story behind this?

They actually came from Liverpool.
He was an artist.

He paints on anything. He paints

on bit of scrap wood, canvas,
whatever came to hand.

So what's the...?Forty-five.

Tom. Tom.

God, you've been good to me today.

No.You have. You have.

(DING)

But there's just one last thing that
Johnny can't bear to leave without.

Make me buy the "Keys Cut Here."

Three hundred for all of it then.

What a day. What a day!

Thank you. I really, really
I'll be back.Okay.

And I'll pass it on.
That's what we want.

Johnny's total haul
at Southan Antiques

also included a small cabinet...

This is a lovely little item.

...a tin bucket and spade...

Twenty-five.Okay.Done.

...and three Indian buckets.

Fifty quid. Get them gone.

Yeah?Good enough. I like them.

So, that's 11 items bought for �300.

And as Jamie's thrown
the Keys Cut Here sign

into the bundle at no extra cost,

Johnny's effectively
got it for free.

The price is great.
I couldn't argue.

He sold. I bought.
Both of us are happy.

What more could you want?

Dealing now.
Not buying to keep. Dealing.

Couldn't ask for a better day.

Deals done and it's time for Johnny
and Bev to pack up the van.

Can I get a closer one
standing against my car.(LAUGHS)

Are you happy in your work?

Are you happy in your work?

Come on, you.

Look at you, three things at once.

That's one of the most
condescending things

that's ever been said to me.

(MIMICS) Look at you
with three things at once.

Have you got your bubble wrap?Yeah.

Well, wrap my hen.

(LAUGHS) I'll wrap your hen.

Today's gone really well
according to Johnny.

He's bought a load of stuff.
He's in budget and he's dead happy.

I'm not quite sure of some of
the items, but what do I know?

You bought this.
Yeah. Enough said.

You don't see how kitschy that is.

No, I don't get it at all.

He's got one nostril.
He's got a wonky nose.

I know.

Is this another -Makes it look,
at the size of this.

All right, make fun
when I sell this for 120.

And I will.

You bought a bloody wasps nest?

What? Who wants a wasps nest
in the house?

Also, it was actually
in quite a nice bell jar

and it looked quite decorative.
This guy just got a wasp nest in a cardboard box.

(LAUGHING) A wasps nest
in a cardboard box.

And he sells that.
I tell you what.

I know he likes quirky stuff. But...

(LAUGHING) a wasps nest
in a cardboard box.

(LAUGHING)

Oh. He's dead happy, though.

Let him bask in his happiness.

A wasps nest
in a cardboard box. (LAUGHING)

Is that it?

Are there any other monstrosities
you've purchased? (LAUGHING)

I think we should've that
at the end of every episode.

Is that it? Are there any other
monstrosities you've purchased?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Back at the shop
and before they unload,

Johnny's asked dealer Dave Rutter

to check out his haul
from the Southan buying trip.

What have we got now, Johnny?
What you have in here?

You know, I like that, huh.

Now, that...

That's an original,
somebody's painted that.Yeah.

That's not a print.
That's not a print.

I couldn't leave it.For a proper
Beatles fan, that's dead quirky.

I paid 45 quid.That's perfect.

Well, that's a one off. But see,
these are the sort of things

even if this person painted
another one, it's not the same.No.

So, it's a one off.I think for 45,
that can fill a wall.

What did you reckon?Eighty.

I'd go a bit more. I'd keep it under
hundred. I'd go 95 on that.

Really?I would, yeah.

(DING)

What next? What next?
What next?

This is gorgeous.
Come on.Dangerous.

You like the macabre?
I do.I like the macabre.Yeah?

Right, hold it up.
I don't want it to...

I don't know how
it survived in transit.

Oh, it's a -It's only
a goddamn wasps nest.

Oh, look at that.Look at that, man.

It's dead weird. It's quirky.
It's steampunk, it's goth.

It's a gorgeous nest, innit?
It's like watching fire, innit?

You could sit and look at that
for a long time.Yeah.

How much did you pay for that?
I paid 25.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna
ask 50-60 because.

Did you say it come with
a bell jar?

I've got a base and I've got a jar.
You got one?Yeah.

That's the sort of thing.
It's like the sky is the limit.

You can make it look really good,
very presentable.

I think 65, 75 quid.

It's quirky. It's interesting.

It is that sort of thing,
like you say the whole Goth thing

and people are into
that weird stuff.

(DING)

Now that I like.It's lovely, innit?
That is fantastic.

I reckon somebody's
commissioned that,

like you getting somebody in
to do a shop sign for you.

You've not done it yourself,
got somebody to do it, that's a bit special.

There's an expression in that.
I like it.

Someone who's got a fair bit
of amateur painting skills.

That's a bit more than amateur.
Yeah, yeah.I couldn't do that.

A total one off, and it's lovely.

So, do you like that like it is?
I do like it, yeah.

I'd have as a display-type thing.
Wouldn't necessarily put a price.

I'd just have it up
as an an interesting

talking point in the shop.
Go on, just make me an offer.

No, you tell me. Go on,
you tell me what you're thinking.

(EXHALES)What'd you take for that?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

That's an original,
somebody's painted that.Yeah.

Dealer Dave's helping Johnny
price up his wares from Southan Antiques.

Now that I like.

But Dave has suddenly taken
a particular interest

in Johnny's giant bingo sign.

Go on, just make me an offer.

No, you tell me. Go on,
you tell me what you're thinking.

(EXHALES)What'd you take for that?

Ah, just 30, 30 or 40 quid, so.

What, do you think I'm taking...?
No. Not at all.

Well, 30 -Tell me what you
understand, then I could learn me.

I'd happily, happily
give you 30 quid for that.

Happily give you 30.
All right. Well, let's do 30 quid.

Thirty quid? Perfect.

I like that a lot.

Johnny's dealer-to-dealer price
of �30

means he sold the giant bingo sign

before it even made it
into the shop.

There's a couple of bits he's
stretched a bit with the price, but he wanted them.

A bit like me. When you want
something, you gotta have it.

I think it's sticking
to knowing what you like

rather than what you think
you can make some money on.

Because if, if it interests you,
that's gonna come out

when you're selling it.
You'll be excited about it.

I'll tell you what,
passport picture.I've had worse.

(LAUGHS) Well, that went well.

Dave likes all my purchases.
I like all my purchases.

Er, the prices he's given me,
I think I've done well.

And, I might be on a roll.

I could be going somewhere
with this.

What am I like?

After success at Southan Antiques,

Johnny and Bev
are hitting the road again

on the hunt for more
low-cost items known as smalls.

Right.

Remember...Rock and roll.
...it drives hard

and it stops hard, and I'm
30 seconds away from my head

coming off.Yeah, being garrotted.

I had to look up
how to spell garrotted.

And then thought, "That's now
in my search engine." (LAUGHS) Yeah.

Which makes me like a serial killer.
The red light's gone off

if you've triggered something.
Garrotted.Yeah.

They're going back
to Bradford again,

this time to visit
Antiques At The Mill,

one of the largest antique
centres in Yorkshire.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm Graham. I'm an antiques dealer
at Antiques At The Mill.

I've been doing it
for about 15 years.

I do quite a bit of artwork,
furniture, a chaise lounge.

Anything decorative really.

I wouldn't say
I've got unusual taste.

I like quirky things.

God, it's huge.Isn't it?

I'll start having us
for directions.No worries.

I'll catch up with you later,
Okay.I'll go up there then.

See you later.Bye.

How you doing, fella?
Welcome to Antiques At The Mill.

Set in a former textile mill,

and housing antiques,
furniture and collectibles from over 40 dealers...

there's a lot for Johnny to cover.

I do love them, have you seen that?

Hand grenades, weapon of death
are named after fruits?

The iconic US hand grenade
is the 'Pineapple'

before being replaced
by the M26 'Lemon' grenade.

When your arm blew off,
it had the most zesty feel to it.

I like them. I shouldn't
like them,

(EXHALES)

I actually already have a duck
called Dave, the Duck.

But he's a proper mallard
and he's a goose.

So I'm just not buying it because
they've incorrectly labelled it.

It's a shame that, could have
had a sale, though.

Ducks don't attack you.

Yeah, ducks don't give you
a broken toe. Geese do.

And swans. Ducks? Hungry.

Canadian geese, angry.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, that's incredible.

They all look like they've been
painted in the cellar against their will.

(CHUCKLING)

Sports Day. (CHUCKLES)

Ah, these are good.

That guy has got
a four tartan mug from T,

he came back
for the KitKat in his lap.

And for some reason, he's carved
dinosaurs into the frame.

Get in!

Captain KitKat.

He's got a cravat, but double denim.

Oh, that's joyous.

Graham?Yup.

Can we have a chat, mate?
Yes, yes. What were you saying?

I won't deny. Tell me, this artist.

Yeah.What or how, why?
He's a folk artist.

Everything is not quite right,
You know, like the hands are too big

or their ears are too big, you know?

But there's something
about them, isn't there?

There is.Yeah.Do you write
about the artist at all?

It is 1947. He died in 2024.

He was a Welshman,
but he lived in Newcastle

and two dealers I know bought

his whole life collection
off the family.

There was 111 pictures.

I bought 40.
Those are all I've got left.

Have been really good sellers.
Have sold.Oh, yeah.

I've got three
that I'm keeping in me front room.

They're the only paintings
I've ever seen

where you go as portraits,

the eyes refuse to follow you
around the room.

Yeah. Everything's not quite right,
which is what I like.

(LAUGHS) It's a little bit
obviously, a little bit Gothic,

a little bit macabre.Absolutely.

Looks like they're being painted
without permission.Yeah.

Um...Even the frames
are naive, aren't they?

The dinosaurs. Captain KitKat.
Yeah. Yeah.

There's something
about that KitKat, isn't there?

One of his hands
has got blood on it.

You're seeing that?Yeah.
There's red on it? Like he's...

I don't know.
It's a weird one, innit?Yeah.

Whenever I kill a mountain lion,
I relax with the KitKat.

You're interested in that then?
Yeah.

I do love it as a piece.

It's under 120 and...

Yeah, well -Make me buy it.

It's mine, so I could do it for...

...80. That's all I could do.

What are you thinking?

Have you sold the others
at asking price?

Most of them, yeah.
I sold six to a dealer in the Cotswolds.

I was hoping for 70.
But if you tenner out, why risk losing the match.

Eighty.Sold.

(DING)

He's avoided licensing issues
by calling it KieKo.

There you go.
But we all know it's a KitKat.Yeah.

I'm thrilled with that.Yeah.

Graham's done
a brilliant deal on it.

He took a third off
and he has told me

he's sold a lot of them
and he's keeping three.

If he's keeping three,
he sees something in them as well.

With eyes only for Captain KitKat...

We're good to go?
Yeah.Well done.

Johnny leaves Antiques At The Mill

and he's keen
to get back to the shop.

I'm really pleased with that.

I only bought one thing,
but that's successful.

I didn't buy for the sake of buying,
and what I've bought, I can almost

virtually guarantee you
I think we'll sell.

I was actually
employing this for once.

Feels good. Get online?

Yeah.Right.

What's his name? Ian?

Ian.Yeah.

W Edwards.Yeah.

Folk artist.

I don't think he wrote this himself.

You think somebody's taking
the liberty to? Yeah, but...

It's like a (INDISTINCT)

How would you know, though?

They know where.
In and around North Shields,

I checked the background.
Ooh, there is something on him.

Oh, you see, I thought
it was the Cotswolds. There's something on him.

"He's an undiscovered
amateur artist."

"His works are charming."
Are they charming.

Do I know art?No doubt.
Do I know art?

"This is a painting of his
beloved friends and family

done in a very endearing style."

"The make-do manner
of his canvasses and framing

is the piece de resistance."
The dinosaur framing. (CHUCKLES)

Some have got it, some haven't.

It's got some odd charm about it.

You paid 80 for him.
Eighty. All day long.

What price you gonna put on it?
Two forty.Two forty?Yeah.

Wow, okay.

This portrait by Ian Edwards

is a classic example
of outsider art,

meaning the artist is untrained,
doesn't follow artistic conventions,

and produces work
often described as naive.

This is honestly,
the type of artist,

if I had a gallery
and outside the gallery

and I had ten pieces of his work,
I'd put on a -

Really?Yeah, I'd.

Always gotta listen to this
little bit inside when it,

when it comes to art,
listen to this.

And, yeah, it's a bonus
when it turns out that it's...

...you, you've listened well.

Apparently, he won't be undiscovered
for much longer now that

his works have been
put out since his death.

Sorry. Can I,
can I just bathe in the...

The Majesty. It maybe.

No, he's spotted something.

And it was lovely seeing Bev
so surprised.

Uh, this isn't tat.

I do not just bring everything home
that I buy for the sake of it.

Trust me in future, please.
Yeah, yeah, Johnny. That's -

You didn't trust me at all
till you looked online.

(CHUCKLES) You've been validated
by others.

(EXHALES) I'm less magpie now.

No, I'm more magpie, less seagull.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hiya. Sorry, we've
shifted a load of stuff,

so just putting some more out.

Another day dawns on Vintage Vegas
and before he lets the customers in,

Johnny's keen to get his recent haul
out in the shop and ready to sell.

They'll fly out. They're gonna go.

Including Bev's favourite,

the wasps nest in a cardboard box.

Voila!
It's cool there, though, doesn't it?

Hello! Welcome.
WOMAN: Hiya. Are you okay?

Just have to make sure
what that says.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Ooh. Hello. Hiya.
It's nice to meet you.

Sorry. Thanks for your patience.
It's lovely, isn't it?It is.

They're not the rarest of things,

but I'm not someone
with the riveted edge,

it's a brick mould.Yeah.

It's actually gonna get used
as a brick mould.

Just not for bricks.Seriously?
Yeah. We live out in the country,

and so we still have
log burner fires.

So we chop and burn wood
and all the sawdust that comes off,

I wanna make it into bricks.

Compacted bricks
to then use as a fire lighter.Wow.

Or to use as a save waste.
Not sure 100% it's gonna work,

but we're pretty convinced.

A simple bit of engineering and -
It's going to good use.

Why do they come,
I'm trying not to.

We saw it, and it's "Yes,
gotta have it, gotta have it."

Oh, you fabulous,
wonderful people.

Happy day.Thank you.

Honestly, you're the reason
I got out of bed in the morning. (LAUGHTER)

Wonderful. That's fantastic.

It's 25 quid.An absolute bargain,
and it's going to get well used.

Wonderful.

Having been made in India
up to 100 years ago,

this decorative brick mould

will finally be reused
for its original purpose.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(INHALES) I love you.

Are you buying that?Yes.

(GASPS)

In your face.(LAUGHS)

It's the lid. The only reason
I bought it was the lid.

It's the glasses. Don't expect
to see glasses on a chick.

Exactly.(BEV LAUGHS)
He looks like the disappointed

accountant child
of working class parents.

(BOTH LAUGH)

It's wonderful.
It's a bargain as well.

So it is. It is. Wow.

Please, I'll pay you.
Just hang around the shop.

Keep saying that repetitively.
That's brilliant. Thank you.

Brilliant.What a joy!
Have you got another one?

I wish. I swear to God.

Ant, it's not a bad name.
It's not a bad brand.

She was obviously on an off day.
Yeah, I wouldn't have realised

Yeah, it's very country cottage
meets spectacles.Yeah.

Thank you very much.
I am so happy that's sold.

You can have visiting rights
if you want.Oh, please.

Thank you very much.Thank you.
Nice meeting you.Cheers.

This vintage hen teapot
by household designer name

was made in a limited edition run,

making it a sought after
collector's item

and as well as
the bespectacled chick,

even more items flew out of the door
from Johnny's Southan trip.

The tenner each is reasonable, but
if you took all five, I'd do for 40.

Thank you very much.
Great stuff. Thank you.

(DING) The poultry awards.

Oh, this lovely Keys Cut sign.

Keys Cut Here sign. (DING)

And this billiard iron.

Liverpool billiard iron. (DING)

It's a pretty cool doorstopper,
isn't it?Yeah.

(PING)Lovely.Brilliant. Thanks.

And the Manchester
billiard iron. (DING)

In terms of making a living from it,

and that's where
you've got to gauge it.

I'm sorry, but I'm starting
to believe I could.

(WHISPERING) Just can't afford Bev.
What did you say?

I said I couldn't live without Bev.

You didn't say that.
Can't afford to spare Bev.

And I was getting paid.
(MOUTHING)

(CHUCKLING) I'm still
on work experience, aren't I?

Well, I'll tell you what.

Sell the wasp's nest
and you keep your job.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

As the shop thins out, a certain
painting has caught the eye

of a fellow art dealer
hunting for bargains.

What can you tell me about this?

Because there's something
about it that

slightly frightens me, but
at the same time, I'm drawn to this.

This guy, I bought from a dealer.
He painted all his life.Hm-mm.

He never sold anything
when he's alive,

which is nothing new
when it comes to art.

Portraits of family, friends,

he's the highlands version
of Quentin Crisp. (LAUGHING)

It's just there's something
haunting.There is.

And when I bought it,
the dealer was going,

"I've sold all of them."

We've gone online,
we've done some research and you got every time.

Yeah, they've all gone.
They've all gone?

Beverly goes online, another sold.

We had a quick look, and he did.

They found 111 of them
of his estate.

Hundred and eleven?
Hundred and eleven, and they all went out.

And whenever you looked,
they're all sold.

When you look at them, friends,
family, they're all quite strange.

Yeah, well, yeah.Yeah.

Looks like he potentially had
a bit of a fight as well.

That's what I mean. What is this?
Scuffed up his knuckles.

What's the bludgeoning
in one hand?Right.

Oh. Sorry, Uncle Jack.

I did set a price of 240
and you'll make on it.

It's 240. I promise you,
you'll see five on that.

You will.Promise me.You will.

So, I'll tell you what,
sell it back to me.

If you put it out and it doesn't go,
sell it back to me.All right.

I've a few dealers like that
and you go,

I'll have it back because I love it.

Yeah, I love it, too.
It's crazy, but I love it.

(DING)

Colonel KieKo chocolate
non-branded guy

has sold at a good price.

That painting, that will become
the stuff of folklore.

Can you sort it out with Bev?
Yeah, of course, I will.

Bev, get his money.(BEV LAUGHS)

When people are coming in,
liking your stuff, w

and when you show them
taste, you go...

You just want more of it.

It is a beautiful addiction,
and it has gone from

I'm not a hoarder, I'm a dealer.

I'm a trader, I'm a collector.

I know that I'm buying good.

(PING)Done. Well, that's fab.

It's not about the money,
but it does help.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

CHILD: Bye.Bye-bye.

Bye.Bye.

That's it.

So you didn't sell the wasps nest?

No, I did try.

Trust me, I did try.

Sorry.You didn't sell it either.

We tried. We did.
And who bought it?

You. I did say to you,
you bought it.

I didn't think of that before
I asked the question. (CHUCKLES)

Who bought it?You.
Yeah, all right. My bad.

(CHUCKLES)

So, no wasp's nest sale yet.

But they've agreed to open
the shop after hours for one special customer.

There's Dave.

You've heard that.

Stop saying "That's all he knows."
No, I know.

Oh, God, you have a good eye.

You unnerve me.
Why do you keep buying me stuff?

Well, I like that.

I like that you like what I like.
(LAUGHING)

Bev, how much was it?
Just melt it.(MOUTHING)

You wouldn't have to be
a reader to get that, would you?

What did we spend on it?
(MOUTHING)

Forty-five.Forty-five.

Well, you know, this is a tough one.

Well, I won't pressure you, but I'm
here for about another five minutes.

Right, again.

As dealers, I've got a price in mind
that I think you'll be happy with.

But I'd rather you reach out to me
and tell me if I'm miles off or...

Yeah, you're miles off,
you're miles off.

(LAUGHTER)

I'm thinking
what you can make on it.

What I could let it go for?
I know it was 45.

I deliberately overpriced it for you
so it wouldn't go anywhere.

That's a lie. I didn't do that.
I genuinely thought so. I'm thinking.

Please, if you hit
this magic number now.

Sixty-five.

I was thinking 70.I know.
That's why I said 65.

Could you meet me at 70?
Let's do 70.

Because you looked after me.

Seventy. I still think
there's money in it for you.

With a little help from his friends,
Johnny still made a decent profit

from this outsider
art painting of the Beatles.

Will that be cash or card, sir?
It will actually be cash.

Oh, brilliant. Thanks, Dave.

Yeah, of course it is.

Great stuff. What was it, 75?

Fifty-one.(LAUGHS)
Dave, Dave.

Dave, you don't give Bev cash.
Don't give Bev cash? Don't give Bev cash.

Right. Okay.
There's a candle shop on site.

All right.I'll never see it.

(BOTH LAUGHING)
Give me the cash.

Today's gone really well.

I bought stuff and I've sold a lot
of stuff and I've sold quirky stuff

and it's what,

I love buying quirky stuff.

How're you gonna stand out
if you don't buy quirky? Erm...

...so, I'm starting
to feel like a dealer.

A dealer within his own right.
Erm, all I've got to do now is

shift the wasp's nest.

Subtitles by Deluxe

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0