All language subtitles for Johnny Vegas s01e01.eng

To millions, Johnny Vegas is known
as an award-winning, stand-up comedian...

Good evening, Benidorm!
(CHEERING)

...a much-loved actor...
I've got no range.

Distinctive is what I do.

...and celebrated artist.

But he's also a collector of
vintage, the odd...

This was once the pilot of
a flying badger.

...and the extraordinary.

Why I bought this and what
I paid for it, I'm taking the fifth.

Now, after years of dreaming,

he's turning his hobby
into a business...

Oh, wow, it's massive.

...by opening his very own
vintage and collectables shop.

Oh, now it feels real.

So, with the help of lifelong friend
and assistant Bev...

Well done...he's finally parting
with some of his collection...

I'm really attached to it.

...and hitting the road...
God, we look like swingers!

...in search of hidden treasures
to stock the shop.

(GASPS)

Buying low...
PUPPET: Thirty quid.

No, I'm not... Just go to 70.

Are there any other monstrosities
you've purchased?

...in the hopes of selling high.

200 quid.Thank you.
Deal done. I like it.

But as a first-time dealer...
Oh...

(GAVEL THUDS)
...has Johnny got what it takes...

Auctions are not
a good place for Johnny.

I've spent double the budget.
You don't trust me, do you?No.

It's been a tough week.

...to turn his life-long passion...

Get in!
Here we go.

...into the business of his dreams?
(GIGGLES)

I do know what I'm doing.

So we're actually going to look at
a shop!

(BOTH LAUGH)

A space...
I know!...to rent.

That's a bit daunting.

To put things in.

A business!
Oh.

It's...Why did you pull that face?
No, no, no. No, I'm not. No.

It's really exciting that
you've finally got round to doing

what you've been talking about.

You've been collecting for
a long, long time.

When you were at uni, you were
collecting stuff from charity shops.

I collected when I was on t'dole.

Yeah.I'd buy the odd plate,
I'd buy the odd thing.

I know I've collected
more stuff than...

I possibly need.

(LAUGHS)
And that's... Now...

if this is right,
then to start letting go.

And it's an amazing opportunity
to have a declutter,

which is what you've been
talking about doing.

People like you always use
the word "declutter".Declutter.

I see it as emptying my heart.

I really hope this place is right,
I hope it works.

After an extensive search,

Bev thinks she's finally found
the perfect home

for Johnny's new venture.

Dagfields in Cheshire.

Johnny, welcome to Dagfields.
Cheers, mate.

Hi, Laurence. Lovely to meet you.

This haven for antiques and
collectables enthusiasts is run by

Laurence Bennion.

Wow, this place is vast.
It's quite large.

We've been going for 30 years.

There's 25 craft workshops,
seven giant antiques emporiums

and your shop.
Oh, right, okay.

If you're interested. This used to
be the old retro-toy shop.

Ooh. Er...
(CHUCKLES)

Let's take a look.
Yeah.

(UNLOCKS DOOR)
Okay, welcome.

Oh, wow, it's massive.

Oh, sorry.
Oh, thank you.

Wow, it's big.

It's a hangar!

(LAUGHTER)

I'm actually overwhelmed by
the space.

Are you?
Yeah. Yeah.

It's really deceiving
from the outside, isn't it?

But, in a way, there's nothing
I have to work with, which is great.

Like, there's not an existing
decor that...

Yeah. That...
That sort of dictates...

Yeah.
...what I want to do with it.

I love that floor.
Yeah.

Definitely.

That floor sold it!
This floor sold it.

How did you know?
Rip this vinyl up!

(LAUGHS)
How did you know?

All the way. Ooh!
Right, give us the lease!(LAUGHS)

Well, I'll leave you
to have a think.

Lovely to meet you.Yeah.
And you. Thank you.

Do you want me to leave the key?
Are we locking up?

Have a chat. Drop it off later.

Wonderful.All right.See you later.
Take care, folks.Thanks.Bye.Bye.

It's a blank canvas.

With the concrete...
Hmm.

I'd go, sort of, really, really

industrialised shelving.

Corrugated iron on the walls.
Up to a point.

It makes it look like
you're in my lock-up,

rather than you're in a shop.

Oh, that'd be cool.
Just let me digest.

Yeah.

Let you process. It's a lot, innit?

I think we've found
a great place for Johnny.

It's an antiques crowd
who are coming to look at

antiques and collectables,
so it's the best place to be.

I'm kind of worrying now about
should I have

committed this to camera, this idea?

I should have just kept it to myself

and, you know,
started going to car boots.

Start small.

Start small, Vegas.

I think now it finally feels real
to him.

He's talked about can he turn
a hobby of collecting

into a business and he's sat
in there looking at a shop!

I think it's like, "Oh, God."
Yeah, it's a lot.

I've collected for years,
but I've collected for me.

I do go through skips. I do go in
charity shops. I do love to buy.

I am as scared as I am excited.

It's totally yin and yang.

Am I better off sticking to being
a hoarder than I am a shopkeeper?

Well, I guess we'll, we'll find out.

I'm taking it.

Well, you're cock-a-hoops.

(LAUGHS) It's a great space.

Well, it works.We can do a little
short-term lease on it.

I know why you love it.

It means it can fill more of
my stuff.Yeah!

A few days later,
Johnny signs on the dotted line

and it's all systems go
with the shop.

Despite feeling under the weather,
his first job is to tackle

a lifetime of hoarding at home.

(HOARSELY) I'm just wondering if
I can create

a business that I can love doing.

I'm gonna start stocking it
with my own stuff,

because if I don't let some of
my stuff go,

I'm just gonna go out and buy
more things

and they're just gonna end up
in the house.

I need the space.

I was unfairly turned down
for a gun licence.

But I took home security
very seriously.

And it's got initials in it,
as well. Imagine that.

"I'm sick of him taking my mallet.
I'm gonna put my name on it."

This is a massive day for Johnny,
letting go of stuff.

Everything that he sees or he buys
means a lot to him.

It's considered. I've got a feeling
he's gonna find it very, very hard.

So, I went to art school.

I see a lot of beauty in objects.

I studied ceramics.

It makes sense why I can find joy in
inanimate objects,

but I think I've been filling a void
a little bit.

(STRAINS)

I don't think it was ever actually
used in the kitchen.

Although Gordon Ramsay does
have massive hands!

I think a lot of collectors
will say, like, you're a custodian.

And I've given them a safe haven.

Loved them. Cherished them.

Walked past them every day.

I've picked up inspiration from them
when I least expected it.

Taught me a valuable lesson, that.

How quick woodworm can spread!

I never had a teddy
when I was younger.

I think we're always chasing the
childhood that was robbed from us.

It's a little Oscar Wilde.

Don't look at me like that!

We talked about this.

It's to say goodbye,

but...
there's a story in everything.

It's easier said than done.

Oh, thank God, he's finally
getting rid of the giant knife.

Yeah, there's a lot more than
I thought. It's a really good start.

I tell you what,
you've done really well.

I'm surprised you'd have
this much out already.

This is a process.

This is stage one. And then get it
in the shop and then decide.

There's not enough for all the shop.
No.But I've got the lock-up.

I'll go and clear through that.

Anyway, look, just get all this to
the shop before I change my mind.

Nothing is coming back.
Once it's gone, it's gone.

Tonight will be a night of regret.

Curled up in the corner, rocking
backwards and forwards going,

"Why did I let the big knife go?"

And who will protect me,
now I've lost my large mallet?

Johnny Vegas has been raiding
his lifelong hoard of

antiques and collectables,

to stock his first ever shop.

I've just come to Dagfields

with all the stuff that Johnny has
sorted from the house.

The shop has all been designed.

They delivered exactly what he
wanted, the shell that he asked for.

I'm just the van driver, picking
stuff up while he's at the lock-up.

Right, so this is the lock-up.

It's a cupboard of avoidance
and what might have beens.

A lot of the stuff in here,
it just became unfeasible,

keeping it at the house,
it was taking up space.

I did not have the time
to do owt with it,

but, with the shop, hopefully,
the ideas will now come to fruition.

If Aladdin came in here,
he'd rub everything.

Genie or not, he'd be chuffed.

I don't know what else he's gonna
bring from there. I hope it's a lot.

I thought there was more in
the lock-up than out of the house.

It should look great
when it's all set out.

This... I love this!

I'm gonna put it
in the shop to ride.

The only thing is the timer's gone,
so if you put a toddler on there,

they are literally stranded

and they will eventually vomit.

I absolutely adore these.
They were used on a cruise ship.

They made the women ride them
round in a race on the dance floor.

It's like the Grand National
meets The Wife Swap.

You've got to be bold,
to set your stall out, in the shop.

This is the kind of stuff I love.

If you're into your horses
or you're into your cruise ships,

somebody will love these.

Since getting this storage unit,
I've had nine tetanus jabs.

That's why I've got
no peripheral vision.

(CLATTERING)

What was that?

Oh, that's got ceramics in. God.

Who doesn't want
a marzipan Indiana Jones?

Michael is 21 now and that
was his eighth birthday party.

All right, all right, I accept

that, maybe, I have trouble
letting go.

These...
God, we've got loads of these.

These are genuine ex-Blackpool
Illuminations.

Really quirky.
It's got the provenance.

They should appeal to
a lot of people.

They're something I'm kind of
banking on, them flying out.

This beaut here is one half of
the engine housing

off the top of a Puma helicopter,
converted to look like

a bar from a certain sci-fi film.

I think it will make
a brilliant shot counter.

I think that's it for in here.

A few good pieces
to fill out the shop with.

Best get shifting.

Johnny may have plundered
his lock-up for stock,

but now comes the daunting part.

Oh, yeah, let me get that.

Over the next few days, he's going
to be setting up shop for real.

Now I can't see here so...

...just guide us.

Bev's doing what I normally do,
when I'm helping people lift.

(LAUGHS)

It's very strange,

having people move my stuff around
like it's stock.

What's going where? I mean...

(SIGHS) It just doesn't feel
very coherent as a shop.

I know I'm not
a very coherent person.

Is that everything in now, then?
Yeah.

Cool.I mean, there's not
enough here.

I'm gonna go out and start buying,
to put stuff in.

God, I feel sick about the thought
of opening to the public.

It's like taking secret
music lessons

and then, suddenly,
you've got a concert to play.

I have never sold before and
I've never opened a shop before.

I could be on an absolute hiding to
nothing, with collectors going,

"He's an idiot,
he's just a poor misguided fool."

But there's only one way
to find out.

(COIN DROPS)
Oooh!

Try the guns.
(PEW-PEW-PEW)

That is not gonna
annoy customers, at all!

Johnny, can you unplug it?

I'm feeling a bit nauseous!
(GIGGLES)

(FLICKS SWITCH)
(LAUGHS)

I'm gonna go and have a mooch.

It's been so full-on, I've not had
a chance to go and see what

anybody else is really up to.

Okay.I want to know if, say,
what I've got here is about

as much as other people are
putting out.

Work out the kind of quality versus
quantity versus...

Right...someone who has been
in the game for years.

There's a guy up here.
I quite like some of the stuff

he's got outside the shop.

Oh.

We might as well just lock up now
and ask for a rebate.

Hello?

Hi, Johnny. How's it going?
I'm up here.

Oh, how are you, mate?
Yeah, good to see you.

Antiques restorer and dealer
Jon Egglestone has been running

Dusty Gems Interiors
for the last 16 years.

You've got some...

Oh, cheers.
Can I just buy you out?Yeah.

I can start wrapping it now!
That's no problem.

But I look at this and
you've kind of got the shop I want.

If I had the knowledge.
But I haven't!

Whoa!

Yeah. French-Spanish border.

A Tian bowl.
That's beautiful.Yeah.

The 1930s.

Do you do a thing, like with this?
Do you have certain things,

where you'll dress it,
but you'll sell it?

Yeah.
Like, for storing stuff on?

Yeah. At a central table, like this,
in the middle.

You can dress it,
but it's also for sale.

It's a balancing act, dressing it,

but also showing the item
underneath.

This is just a thing of beauty.
A Chinese wash bowl.

That was in about a million pieces
when I found it. It took me

three weeks to put it together.
When you do this for a living,

it doesn't matter what period
it's from, what style it is,

retro or Georgian.

If it's got quality,
if it's got that look,

you'll love it for what it is.

I was gonna wind you up!

You could drill through there
and put a clock in it.

Just watch.
No, no, you couldn't!

You need your hands chopping off,
if you did that!(LAUGHS)

I'm looking at my stuff now
and, one, I'm wondering

have I got enough,
but, two, it's like,

it's a balance between
the larger items and the smaller.

You've got to have your large stuff,

but you've got to have
your "pick-up-and-go"s.

Those will be your bread and butter,
every day. At the end of the day,

it is a business, it is stock.

No matter how beautiful it is,
it's got to make its money.

It's got to be worth its place
within the shop.

So, when you're finding stuff,
never drop your quality.

Right, well, you've left me
a lot to think about. Cheers, mate.

Pop round for a brew when you can.

A lovely guy. Great stock.
I will be pecking his head

a lot over the set-up.
Everything he said made sense.

It'll be interesting to see if
he comes in and he likes anything.

I'll take advice, but, from that,

"buy well, buy better".

The stock from Johnny's
own collection,

whilst vast, isn't enough
to fill a shop.

He'll need to get out buying

and he wants to look the part.

This is proper rag-and-bone stuff,
"I've been shot at, mate".

It's kind of my lucky coat.
I've bought nice stuff in this.

And I like it.
When I put it on, it's...

This is, like, my game face.

And, to keep up appearances,
Johnny has asked Bev to swap

the rental van for something
a bit more professional.

Are you serious?

(BEV OPENS VAN DOOR)

What's the matter?

Understated?

It's like we're driving
a high-vis jacket!(LAUGHS)

I got some bubblewrap.

How much stuff do you think
we're buying?

(LAUGHS)

It looks like we're getting rid of
a corpse!

Come on, just get in it.
You've got stuff to buy.

Let's get moving on.

What, I'm in the back?
(LAUGHS)

It's like we've pulled up
in a kumquat!

We're not on holiday.

Can I remind you?

We're not going on holiday.
A European road trip.

We're starting out
a virgin business.

It's odd now, because I've only ever
bought to keep.

I know.Or to trade later down the
line.That's what I was gonna say.

You're obviously gonna have to come
into this with a different mindset.

Yeah, but without... You don't want
to chuck the baby out with

the bath water.Right.I've still
got to buy what I like.Yeah.

But it's not mine.

You're buying to sell.
And it's a pop-up.

Yeah.So we actually need a more
rapid turnover...Yeah...of stock

than anybody else.
Mmm.

It's an experiment, but...

it's got to pay its way.

Can you turn your hobby into
a little business?Yeah.Yeah.

And then Bev leant over

and sobbed...
(LAUGHS)...into the steering wheel.

On Jon's advice, Johnny is looking
for cheaper, pick-up-and-go items,

known as "smalls", at a location
he's only been able to access

thanks to his work as an actor.

Stockyard North, on the outskirts of
Manchester, supplies everything

from film and television
to weddings and events.

General Manager Lucy has been
running the show for seven years,

with the help of
Warehouse Supervisor Rob.

We don't usually sell the items
that we have in stock,

however, we did used to have
a shop at the back of the warehouse,

so there is a network of
antique dealers

in the local Manchester area
that do know us for that.

I think Johnny will be after some
unique pieces to kit out his shop.

Very unusual. Very eye-catching.

Go off and look for something.

What? Me?Yeah. Go on your own
journey of discovery.

Oh, what if I buy the thing
that sells first in the shop?

I'm not saying it's going in
the shop. I am literally just trying

to throw you off the scent
and get you to leave me alone.

Hello.
Hello. Hiya.

Lucy. Nice to meet you.
Johnny. Hiya, Lucy.

How are you doing? Rob.
Hi, Lucy. Bev.

I think, when you open a prop store,
it's because you just like stuff.

You love stuff. You want it all.

Yeah.They call it
"the curse of the collector".

And that's what it is.Yeah.
That next one is never enough.

It's the one after
and the one after.

Then you get the completionists.
"I want every version of that."

I try and kind of keep a lid on it,
but I also, I'm not good at poker.

If I see something and I love it,
you might hear this gasp.

(LAUGHS)Well...
You might want to...

You think you want to start CPR
on me! No, that's just me.

Right, shall we do this?
Yeah. Let's go through.

With so many items
in this warehouse,

this will be Johnny's first test
to buy as a dealer.

Right. Buying for the shop.
Buying for the shop.

I have no track record.
I'm going from a collector

to a, a, a, a salesman.

Is that...? No.

So I'm a little bit out of
my comfort zone.

It's quite an experience to be out
for the first time going,

"What can I make on?"

My heart is having to give my head
some space to negotiate.

Oh, I like that, look at that.

(READS) Book seats at once.

(LAUGHS)
Phrases like "grotesque dancer".

It's like they knew me!

(READS) The comedian who made
England laugh.

All of England!

He made them laugh.
They didn't want to laugh.

That's quality. It's the content
on it, that's what you can sell.

I think, actually, I should look for
something really obscure and random.

Oh! Oh, I do like this.

A lobster phone.

(READS) Crompton, 1957.

I'm a strange one with...

I, I, I kind of admire
religious artefact stuff.

It's like folk art.

It's crudely done, but I think
that's the reason I like it.

If it was well-finished,
I'd have no interest in it.

There's so much stuff
I'm not an expert on,

so I just have to go on gut feeling
and that's one of them.

"Alas, poor Yorick!"
I knew him so well.

Johnny is gonna be in here
for hours and hours and hours.

I'll just try all the chairs
and couches out.

Fruit machines? No.

I don't want to look like I'm just
catering for that man-cave market.

You start doubting yourself,
"Am I walking past something

"that's fantastic? Do I just not
have the knowledge?"

And then you see summat
and your instinct kicks in

and you go, "That's amazing."

I do know what I'm doing.

I do.

Johnny has spotted a few items
he thinks will be perfect

for his pop-up antiques
and collectables shop.

Oh! Can I live here?
(LAUGHS)

First up, the vintage comedy poster.

But will Lucy and Rob let it go
for the right price?

What's the price on it?

Fifty pounds.

I know what I was hoping for.

I've got a price in mind
that was realistic.

On his first buying trip
as a prospective dealer,

Johnny Vegas has spotted some items
that could be perfect

for his pop-up vintage
and collectables shop.

His first haggle is that
vintage comedy poster.

What's the price on it?

Fifty pounds.

I know what I was hoping for.

I've got a price in mind
that was realistic.

Mine was around about
the 40-quid mark.

Erm, yeah, we'd be willing
to let that go.

The phrasing
on that poster is just oh!

It's manna from heaven!

Is there any chance on God's
green earth that that is for sale?

Ideally, I would like...

probably, around �120 for that.

One-twenty? I will take that.

Right, price-wise?

Fifty pounds.

I was really hoping for �30.
Thirty?

Do you want to meet us
in the middle, at �40?

Do me �35.

Thirty-five?Yeah.
Yeah.

Johnny is coming away with

a mix of vaudeville memorabilia,

a classic industrial antique
and hand-made folk art.

But what about Bev?

Bev?

There's loads of amazing stuff,
but something really caught my eye.

Oh...
(LAUGHS)No.

Why? I'd buy that.

It's tat.

Hello.

Jack Lobster PI.

(LAUGHS)

Are you happy with your purchases?
Yeah, I am, actually.

I did get stuff for the shop.
Cool.

Can I not have that phone?
I'll buy you the phone,

if I can just ring you at home
and every time you pick it up,

I'll go, "You've got no taste."

(LAUGHS)

With Johnny's first shopping trip
done and dusted...

Johnny, fill up the kumquat!

...it's time to pack up
and head back to the shop.

Look at that!

I'm really, really, really pleased
that he's leaving with a full van.

Thanks, Johnny.
I'll love you and leave you.

See you now.Thanks for that.
Thank you.

He seems really happy with
everything.

It looks like he's got
some good stuff, it's exciting.

Oh, I love that,
it's got a good lean to it.

Since Johnny has never
bought to sell before...

...he's asked neighbouring dealer
and antiques restorer

Jon Egglestone to help price up
his latest purchases.

You've got some new stuff?
I've got some new stuff.

It's my first buying trip.

Remember, when we're pricing,

we're looking at what you paid
for it, then you've got to think,

"I've got to light this place,
I've got to heat this place,

"I've got to cover my time,
all my bills."

So you have got to put
a profit into it.

Right, so this is scratch-made,
obviously, not mass-produced.

My feeling on this is
a parishioner has made this.

It's got a mark on the back. Let's
have a look. We always like marks.

(READS) Crompton, 1957.

That is a real nice item.

So how much?
That was...

er, 35 quid.
Pfft!

I'd go �80 on it.
Really?

This is a plaster version based on
a traditional religious plaque,

that would have been
made from terracotta.

Now this poster,
this is my stand-up background.

(READS) The nimble Scot and
grotesque dancer.

I mean, originally,
this would have been very thin.

Almost a tissue-paper thickness.
Yeah.

When I've seen them before,
they're really thin,

so mounting it on this board
saved it.

It's kind of a miracle it survived.
They don't survive.

Especially these small,
townhall ones,

because they just bin them
straight after.

I paid �40 for it.

I know, I know.
Okay.It just made me la...

It's one of them pieces,
on the day, it filled me with joy.

I'd say �65.

But the thing I like about it,
it's got good, strong colours.

Whoever loves that
like you love it, like I love it,

they're gonna leave it like that

and hang it up from that nail hole,
like it was.

And it's gonna be skew-whiff
on the wall!(LAUGHS)

That's my career in comedy...

Skew-whiff!
...summed up perfectly there!

The popularity of vaudeville shows

started to decline
in the 1950s, in Britain,

due to the rise of film and TV,

but surviving posters from the
period remain highly collectable.

This basket. I...
It's a nice basket.I love it.

The wheels are original.
Yeah, it's got everything there.

So a basket like that,
a nice, English mill basket.

Yeah.
It's honest.

What did you pay for it?
One-twenty.

I'd have paid �120 for that.
I'd have paid �120 for that.

Big enough for me to hide in
when Bev comes round!

That would go out at �250.
Okay.

Come down to �230 on it on the sale.

This Victorian mill basket was
salvaged from a mill in Yorkshire,

following the rapid decline in the
cotton industry after World War I.

So, everything here will turn
a profit.

Ah, cheers, pal, I needed that.

First one under my belt now.
Yeah, yeah.

And also, one of the words,
when we were saying about

a quick turnover in this is
the S-P-Q-R,

which is Small Profit Quick Return.

This is what pays your bills
every day,

so you're looking for good prices,

where you can turn it over and
make that, that S-P-Q-R on it.

Right, for a first buying trip, at
least I've got a new bit of advice

to take into my second one.
Yeah, yeah.

And that's gonna be exciting, yeah.
Superb.

Well, I'm really pleased with that.
I'm relieved, more than anything.

I haven't lost any money
on any of the purchases.

It's nice to have Jon,

because he's very generous with
his knowledge, his time.

Small Profit Quick Return.

Get out there and use that mantra

for when you're buying
in the future.

There was one item, however,
that Jon didn't put a price on.

Bev!

(LAUGHS)

That's yours, I do believe.

I always said, morally,
I would never play the lottery.

Now you go, "Why don't you play
the lottery?

"You could be out every day,
buying stuff."

Yeah, it's your dream, innit?Yeah.
What a dream job.

Bolstered by dealer friend
Jon's positive feedback,

Johnny and Bev hit the road again,
in search of more stock.

Do you know what? It's grown on me.

It's actually a really comfortable
ride.Oh, it is a nice ride, innit?

When you're in it,
you can't see the colour!

So I utterly relax.

Today they're off to Warrington,

to a private warehouse arranged by
Johnny's friend, Kris Brown,

who specialises in
high-end antiques.

See you later!
Oh, it's snug, innit?It is snug.

Wow, yeah, it's dead rude.
God, we look like swingers!

(LAUGHS)

We look like we've talked
Kris into coming away with us!

So how do you know the lads
we're going to today?

Karl and Mark, yeah. So I met
Karl when I first started dealing.

A top fella, helped me out a lot.

This vast, top-secret warehouse is
where Karl,

along with fellow dealer Mark,
store some of their treasures.

I've been the game for about
30-odd years.

Mark's been in the game for
the last seven or eight years.

We travel about. We buy all sorts.
We're not open to the public.

We've got a good network of
trade dealers

over the years
that we've established.

That's why Johnny and Kris are
coming over.

JOHNNY: Hiya, lads.

It's not my van. We don't own it.
She rented it.

It was a massive mistake.

Please don't think that
this is my taste.

It was taken out of my hands.

How are you doing, mate?
Nice to meet you.

I'm trying to see if I can buy
and sell as a business,

but, already, I'm starting
to fall for this stuff that's stock.

Yeah, it's stock.
And I'm just worrying about...

You've got to sell it,
it's a business.

You've got to make money
somehow.I know, but I'm not...

I mean, look at me.
Did I get out of the car and you go,

"There's a businessman. Look at him,
in his bright green kumquat!"

Are you happy for us to just mooch?

Go in, help yourself.Go in.If you
need any advice, give us a shout.

He's been in this game for years
and he's as excited as me. He is!

I know.
He's never seen it tidy!

Oh, God.

This is gonna be pricey, innit?

I don't think so.No, but I mean
pricey in a good way.

Our advice to Johnny is just buy
interesting things.

I wouldn't run with
what's current today.

Just stock up on interesting
things. They hold their value.

God, I would not have thought
I'd walk in and be drawn to a chair.

That is bizarre, that's...

Is that like folk art?
That's not mass-produced, is it?

It's like Art Deco, isn't it, that?

That's... It might be summat.

I just hope that Johnny can remember
what Jon was saying to him.

Buy small and just, like,
keep that profit turning over.

Now, I'll tell you what I do like.

That is so gnarly.
Oh, yeah, I like that.

That's lovely that, innit?

Flip it around. Let's have a look.

Yeah, that's dead right, that,
isn't it?Yeah.

That's lived a life.
Yeah.

You want it to look like that, 100%.

That's more modern than it looks.
Do you think, like, '70s?

Johnny has a great eye for things.

He goes off on tangents sometimes

and he likes some of the things
that I don't, but each to their own.

(SIGHS) You know what's lacking
in my life?

A piss-poor painting of an otter
catching something!(CHUCKLES)

I want to know what it's yelping at.

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
That's my husband you've got there!

"Shut up!"(LAUGHS)
"The kids need shoes."

What the hell is that?
Let's have a look at it.

That is...

It's so wrong.

Is it signed?I'm seeing if there's
anything on the back.

I think that says,
"Bras Of The World."

(LAUGHS) It does not!

Oh, no, Miss World.

Who let him do it?
I'm guessing it's a he.

It doesn't strike me as
a feminist piece.

This is the day that
Bev hands in her notice!

"I am not putting that in the van."

And you go, "I don't blame you."
It's brighter than the van!

Bev?

Yeah?
I need your opinion on something.

It's Miss World,
but not as you know it.

Miss World, but not as you know it?

Aaaah!

I love it!

Do you?
(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) It's awful, isn't it?
Yeah, but it's not offensive.

It's fun. I love it.
And they're all the same size?

I'm not offended in any way
as a woman. I'd have that.

Well, let's keep mooching.

I'm fascinated with this.

Has it got a name on it?
On the back?

Anything written on it?It's got...
(GASPS)

Go on, what does it say?

Sir John Gielgud.
Honestly? Let's have a look.

I'm not, I'm not...

Oh, wow, cool.
I can't believe the name.

I can't wait to find out what film
this is from, when it was made.

I want to know the provenance,
because I need to, I need to know.

You know when you hold it
and you go...?

God, I'm getting shivers.
Yeah.

I'm getting proper...
This is like...

Oh, if I just come away
with that today...Yeah.

You're impressed by the name.
That's gonna affect the price, probably.

I'm gonna have to pay up for that,

but, do you know what,
that will bring people in.

Sometimes, you have to shut off
the accountancy

and listen to the passion.

But what will Johnny's passion
cost him?

Sir John Gielgud.

Well, you tell me your price.

I don't know how to price it.

Erm...

In an antiques and collectables
warehouse in Warrington,

Johnny has come face-to-face
with one of his heroes.

Sir John Gielgud.
Yeah?

Oh, my God, it's, it's phenomenal!

Yeah, it is, isn't it?
Yeah.

I'm not going to insult you
by throwing out a price.

I don't know how to price it.

I'll do you that one at 220 quid.

Come here, you!

Wow!
(LAUGHS)

This is a proper, sort of,
once-in-a-lifetime find, isn't it?

That has made...

...my week, my month, my year.

This, in the shop now, sets out
this is what we do.

Right.

It caught my attention
It's actually the 1930s.

It obviously needs a full recover,
a full restoration.

What would you look for from that?
Oh, 30 quid.I'll have it.

I love the Wills sign.

Eighty pound.

There you go.Seriously?
Seriously.

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
KRIS: A bargain, mate. A bargain!

Sssh! Do you know what?
(LAUGHS)

If I had a womb...That's...
...I'd carry your kids for you!

Done! That is beautiful, that.

Right, this is the most...

inappropriately wonderful...

It was actually painted by
a famous reporter.

From the Manchester Evening News.
It was not!

It's got the information on the
back.What, the artist?Yeah.Where?

"Van Goof"?
(LAUGHTER)

We hadn't noticed that.

Robert Nancollis. Is it?
Yeah.

(READS) Manchester. Winter '68.

What price?

Erm... It can be �150.

One-fifty? Brilliant.

Thank you for this introduction.
No problem, mate.

We'll pay you in a minute!
(LAUGHS)

It's been a good day.

I spent more money today
than I was planning to spend.

But you know what?
Where are you gonna find another?

You have one chance. Step up.

Get to the oche.

Do the deal.

Bull's-eye.

After a successful first buying
trip, Johnny is now keen for

fellow antiques dealer Jon to cast
an expert eye over his latest haul.

I've realised furniture is my thing.

I can see!
(BOTH LAUGH)

Just don't judge me on this, mate.

Yeah, definitely.
Oh...

Ooh, man!
Jon, I've been a bad boy.

That's the bad-boy seat.

Oh, God, it really hurts.

Tell me you didn't pay much
for that one.I paid 30 quid for it.

(SMOTHERS GIGGLES)

No, we're not, we're not gonna...
I just saw carving.

And I went, "Carving? Money!"

No...Kerching!You're not gonna
make it back on that one, mate.

And I can't physically
get out of it myself!I don't...

Just pry me out.

Jon...
Johnny?

Embarrassing me
in front of my friends.

There we go.

This is not the positive start
Johnny was hoping for.

What about the, the sign?

It's gnarly.

We like gnarly.
Gnarly, gnarly, gnarly!

That's bad gnarly, but that looks
like it could be good gnarly.

All the information is still there.
At least I know it's an original.

You wouldn't fake it, that.
No. No.

I paid �80 on that.You're gonna
probably do about �120,

�130 on that.
That's fine!

That's good. I'm happy with that.

This enamel sign by
Bristolian tobacco company Wills

dates back to the 1930s.

Johnny is clawing things back
with the sign.

So what about a more...
modern piece?

Have a look at this.

It's Miss World.
It's a love of every country.

It's dreadfully...

horrendously fabulous.

How much did you pay on that one?

I paid �150.I think that's about
what you'll get back on that one.

I don't think there's any more
in that one.Really?No.

Hopefully, Jon will be more
impressed by Johnny's next purchase.

This plaster-cast head comes from
the warehouse of

famous Hollywood make-up artist
Chris Tucker,

who also created the iconic
Elephant Man.

(READS) Sir John Gielgud?

It's a one-off. It's... It's what
the make-up artist did for a film.

I've looked and the only film
I could find it in,

I think it's from Haunted.

I paid �220 for John Gielgud,
but I think it's,

as an iconic actor...

I think that'll do three. Easy.

I hope...You could try
a bit higher, but I think,

comfortably, that would do three.

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

He hates the picture, but he's tried
to put a bright smile on it.

I think it's so kitsch

it's out of his wheelhouse,

but I know people who are gonna find
that hilarious.

I know comedy.

While Johnny might make
a small profit on the enamel sign

and the Gielgud mask,
he is in danger of losing money on

the Art Deco chair
and the Miss World painting.

I don't want to be friends
with Jon anymore.

It didn't go as well as last time.

It's the day before the grand
opening of his pop-up shop.

I like this one.

It's like that film.
Is it Maleficent?

Johnny has commissioned
a professional signwriter

to paint the all-important sign
for his shop.

While he and Bev busy themselves
with the finishing touches.

We'll try her under that table.
If not, she's going out the back.

All right.

No, we're not open quite yet.
(GIGGLES)

Just grappling with a fairy
under a table!

Let's have a look. Yeah.

Plus, it can look a bit
"farmhouse fresh".

Yeah. It's a nice sign that, innit?

This now looks like a really...

Yeah.
...nice room.

Everything has been placed
somewhere specific.

Everything is beautiful. Everything
deserves its chance to shine.

It's a lock-up with a heart.

That's my new "ethos".

A lock-up with hearts. Plural.
(LAUGHS)

Think about what you just said.

With the shop now ready to welcome
Johnny's first customers,

there is one final job to do.

Who designed something
this cumbersome?

You did!

Right.

Are you ready? Right.

Are we all going up
at the same time?

No, I thought...
(BOTH LAUGH)

Right, here we go.

Come on.

(WHIRS)

Whoo-hoo!
It's in.

Let's take...

Wouldn't it be great now
if we took these out

and the front of the shop fell off?

And just went round you,
like Harold Lloyd!(LAUGHS)

Oh, that looks great!

Oh, now it feels real.
Does it?

Yeah.

I think it's a good insight into

I'll source stuff from anywhere.
Yeah.

It is definitely a representation
of what you've got in the shop.

Well... Does it... Does it really

warn people
that I have a live crocodile?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, well done.

It's actually a "what if" has become
a "well, you've done it".

And now I'm doubling down

and putting my money
on the table and going,

"I think I can sell stuff
for a living."

And I think you can't be more clear
of your intentions

than when you put a sign up and say,
"Here it is, it's Vintage Vegas."

I just hope it doesn't fall flat
on its face, but for now...

...in for a penny, in for a pound.

Vintage Vegas is opening for
business.

I can call myself "vintage",
because I'm over 50.

A certain element of my body hair
has gone grey.

Oh, it's exciting!It's gonna be
a massive anti-climax.

Opening day
and he's a bag of nerves.

Have a look around. Ask questions.

I honestly don't think
I've ever felt so vulnerable.

(GRUNTS)

You've not?
(MUFFLED MUTTERING)

Haven't you bought a lamp?
Oh, yeah.

I'm starting to feel like a dealer.
Making all your little mates.

Did I buy it like that?

This is, like, a rookie error.

(BLEEP)

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