Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

(birds chirping)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

(ethereal synth music)

(heavy breathing)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(snoring) (TV playing)

(farting)

(alarm beeping)

- Huah!

(grunting)

(funky synth music)

Oh.

(funky music)

(sighing)

(funky music)

(light music)

Mm...

(chuckles)

(sipping)

Mm!

(smacking lips)

You can, uh, keep the change.

(funky music)

(screeching tires)

- Get your ass in the car.

- Finally.

Ah!

- Smooth move, buddy.

- Shut up.

Where are we going?

- To the dawn of man.

- Hell yeah.

(warbling)

(guttural shouting)

("Also sprach Zarathustra" by Strauss)

(flicking lighter)

("Also sprach Zarathustra" continues)

(man hooting)

(guttural chanting)

- Ah!

(electronic beeping)

(electronic whooshing)

(squishing)

- Heh, heh, heh.

Hey, check this out. Check this out.

Heh, heh.

(smacking)

Ha, nice.

(electronic whooshing)

(funky music)

- It's every damn time they come.

(grumbling)

I'm gonna get 'em.

You! You!

Get!

(sighs)

(mumbling)

- Do you even know why we're here?

- No.

- Not a single idea?

- No.

- Really? Look around.

It's empty!

Why are we here on a Saturday? Nothing?

Well, let's take a look down memory lane, huh?

Let's see... oh!

Hey, let's check out what's behind door number one.

Look at this.

Why we can't turn left on red lights.

Worshtesh, ware, warsh..

- Worcestershire.

- Whatever.

And the Pabst cases.

This case is gonna be a lot harder

to solve than your last, okay?

You leaving the Pabst has set

this timeline back 6,000 months.

Now I've gotta go back and fix it myself.

Look at 'em.

Over the last three days they're hammered,

got tattoos, and somehow found an Old Navy

and bought khakis.

This was your strike three, okay.

I'm sorry, but I should be letting you guys go.

But let's be honest, if you're gone, I'm gone.

And I can't be gone.

I can't get another job.

They won't let me back, okay?

Right now I'm kinda like a rat cornered.

Okay, I'm out here, I'm in the corner.

I'm gonna find my way.

And let's be honest, guys, if it's between me or you,

I'm gonna drive over you, okay, all right?

I'm gonna mow you right on over, okay?

- Jesus. - All right?

But one thing about me is I'm always

gonna find my way out.

Even if I have to chew through the damn drywall,

I'm gonna find my way out.

And I think I found our golden ticket, Charlie.

Okay, I've got three simple jobs.

I've got a TV stuck in the Medieval Ages, okay?

It's guarded by this Triclops that was outcasted

by the community for just shouting profanities.

I've got a Bozo clown and a killer gorilla

going around just murdering people,

saying whatever the heck they want.

I don't like that! Get them out!

And there's a nerd.

Anyway, they're all on the same planet.

We've gotta get it done by the end of the day.

This is the perfect opportunity to get your jobs back, okay?

- Okay.

- I've got your device, pre-programmed,

all three are on here.

You click the button, you get in, you zap 'em out.

You go on to the next, you click the button,

ya zap 'em, you go out and ya...

Zach. - This sucks.

- It's a piece of crap, I know.

Okay, gentle hands with it, please, okay?

This is as simple as it can be.

There's no way you can mess this up.

You think you can handle this?

- Yeah. - Aye-aye!

- Aye... uh, yeah.

Yeah.

Let's, let's go.

- And boys, don't mess this up.

(electronic beeping)

(funky music)

- See ya.

(funky music)

(farting)

(funky music)

(screaming)

(screeching tires)

- Ah!

I just got hit by a car.

- Oh my god, oh my god.

- Ah!

- I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

- Do you know what you've done?

- No, I don't know, I...

You guys came outta nowhere!

Sir, are you all right? - The device is broken!

Did you break it?

- You broke it!

- You broke it!

- I broke his leg? Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

- Oh, look over there!

- What?

- Look, we need to get this guy's car.

- Yeah, and we should also probably kill him.

- Why?

- Because he clearly knows too much.

- You dumb ass.

(grunting)

- That's not gonna work for me, boys!

Not one bit!

Homer, Marge, scoot it!

I've been mapping out this route for three months

and I swear if I'm off by one inch,

it throws my whole thing off.

You and your Looney Tunes squad,

they can head on out of here, okay?

- Hey, is everything okay?

Why are you in yellow?

What's going on?

Who am I?

(tense synth music)

Oh my god.

- There's no need to fear.

I am Zach.

- And I am Tyler.

- [Together] And we...

- Are stealing your car.

- Sorry about your face.

- Wait, who are you?

You guys can't take my car.

- Look, do you have any idea how important you are?

You are not.

So why don't you stay out of our way,

before I make you eat your damn car keys.

- Wait, what?

- No, that's not happening.

- What are you talking about?

First of all, you punched me and now you're going

to take my car?

- You hit us with your car!

- And you broke our device.

- You came out of nowhere in your yellow suits!

- I don't have time!

- Hey, I'm filing a police report.

(groaning)

- What do you want?

- I don't know, my car?

An explanation?

- Oh, he wants an explanation!

- We're the DEMO men.

Department of Energy and Matter Organization.

And we're trying to fix the universe.

- Yes, which we currently can't do

because you broke our device whenever you, oh, ho, ho!

Hit us with your car!

- We can still do the job, we just can't teleport anywhere.

- That's right.

Which is why we're stealing your car.

- Okay, still none of this makes sense,

but I am telling you right now,

you are not taking my car anywhere without me.

- Ugh! We don't have time for this!

- Let's just take him with us.

- Fine, but you're getting in the trunk.

- On your left!

(light music)

(crunching)

- Wait, this is Lost Hill.

- Yeah, it used to be.

Now it's the middle ages.

- Okay, well what about the porta potties

and the park signs and stuff?

- That's probably where the time bubble ends.

So they probably can't see those things.

- Yeah, right now to them it just looks like

some big, grandiose field.

- Okay, well, if we walk into this bubble,

what about our clothes?

Won't we look weird to them?

- Yeah, I mean probably for a little bit,

but then the universe will reset

and they'll forget it and everything will be fine.

- Yeah, that's not the point.

The point is we go in, get the TV, get out, boom.

- Yeah, you see physical objects, they cannot be reset.

So that's why we have a job.

We go in, grab the object, then we leave

and the day is done.

Everyone forgets it, it's fine.

- What?

- Do you know what deja vu is?

- Well, I...

- Dumb ass!

Deja vu is when you know something,

but then you don't know it, so everything's fine

when you think about it later.

- What?

No, no, deja vu is when you ask yourself,

hm, hasn't this happened to me before?

And usually, it hasn't.

But in this case, it has.

The universe just makes us forget.

Dumb ass.

Dumb ass.

- Are you ready to go? - Yes.

- Are you ready to go?

- No.

- [Together] That's the spirit.

(dramatic music)

(light music)

(sighing)

- So, if you'll follow me through here,

you will see that we have a lovely

flooring throughout the home.

Okay guys, now, follow me this way.

The flooring perfectly compliments

this beautiful wall right here.

Now, take a look at this wall.

Feel it, feel it.

Each and every pebble and fossil hand forged in Germany.

Have you been to Germany? It's really lovely.

- No. - It really is.

- Now, I'm thinking that this area right here

could be perfect for a kid's bedroom, or storage,

or even, I don't maybe a nursery.

I mean, I don't wanna pull any strings or anything.

- Wah, da, da, da, da, da.

We are not raising our child...

- Shh.

This is home.

- Oh, I'm so glad you feel that way.

- What!

How?

- I'm feeling it too.

- We're gonna take it. - Wait, no, no, no.

No, no, we haven't even talked about this.

- Now, if you'll follow me this way,

I'd like to show you some more features of the shack, okay.

Now look at this wall right here.

This wall is perfectly accented by the flooring.

Each and every pebble handcrafted and forged from Germany.

Have you been to Germany?

- No!

- It's quite lovely, you should go and visit.

And the lovely skylight in these windows, Edith,

are perfect for letting daylight through.

- Skylight?

There is no roof!

You understand me? No roof!

Skylight?

We are not buying this house.

- Yes we are!

- No, we are not.

- Think of my baby.

- I am.

(Edith grunting)

- Oh my god.

(dramatic drumming)

- Wizards?

(dramatic drumming)

- Wizards, oh shit.

(dramatic drumming)

- They'll be the one's Milthorn is waiting for.

(dramatic drumming)

- Milthorn the high wizard?

(dramatic drumming)

- We're gonna continue this search another time,

but right now I have other matters to attend to, I'm afraid.

(Edith groaning)

- Wait, sirs! Wizards.

Behind you.

Wait, wait, wait!

Sirs, I am at your humble service.

Me being a lowly real estate peasant

and you being high wizards of grandeur.

Are you here to see Milthorn the great

and powerful wizard of the land?

- We are, yeah.

- Oh yeah, have you seen any magical items?

- Oh, I don't think so.

I do remember Milthorn mentioning...

- Milthorn! Where is Milthorn?

- Yes, where is Milthorn?

- Oh, I couldn't tell you, I...

(whooshing)

- I...

(farting)

Am here.

Ye be strangers to this land and me.

Who are you?

- I am Benedict, the real estate peasant, at your service.

- Don't touch me.

- Yes, sir.

- Who are you?

- I am the great wizard of Waverly Place.

- Oh, oh yes.

- Uh...

I am Chris Angel, mind freak.

- Nice to meet you.

What about you?

- Me? - Yeah, you.

Who are you?

- Uh...

My name is...

- Come on.

- Darren.

(grimacing)

- Darren?

- What do you want?

- We're looking for a magical item.

- Hmm.

- It's kind of long.

- Mm-hm.

- About ye big.

- Oh, yes. I've heard of this magic item.

It is one that has caused a great disturbance in my land.

You seek the magic box with a face like water.

- Yeah, that's probably it.

That's probably it, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.

- But I must warn ye.

This magic item has attracted the attention

of a foul beast which guards the cave

in which the item now rests.

- Okay.

- Yet, you still wish to retrieve the item?

- Yeah.

- Yup.

- There may be other dangers we encounter

on the path to the cave.

Horrible things.

Angry goblins.

Mean tempered trolls.

And other malfeasances.

- Yeah.

- Yup, just...

- Yep, let's go. - Let's go do it.

- It will be a medium length journey.

One that may cause you to break a sweat.

Yet, you still wish to proceed?

- Yeah.

- Yup.

- Fine.

- Let's go.

(triumphant music)

(triumphant music continues)

(groaning)

- Benedict?

- Oh, there you guys are.

- What are you doing here?

- Well, I was taking a shortcut

and then I fell down and, uh, I can't close my hands.

- Okay, that's enough, let's go.

(triumphant music)

- Wait, wait, wait.

Don't take another step.

Or else I'm gonna...

I'm...

I'm gonna...

I... I'm gonna eat you.

- Really?

- Yeah, I'm gonna eat you.

I'm gonna put you in my mouth.

- You are gonna eat us?

- You're gonna put us in your mouth?

- Yeah, orally speaking.

- Okay.

- I'm sorry, aren't you just like a guy?

- Uh...

A guy?

No.

I'm a Triclops. Three eyes.

Tri, three clops.

Clops.

Do you have a problem with that?

(laughing)

- Where? - Right.

- Where is it? Where's your third eye, buddy?

- Yeah?

- I'll believe it when I see it.

- Okay, I...

I didn't know I was outing myself, but it's right here.

- Oh god!

- Oh man! Ah!

Ah!

- What?

What is so wrong?

What is the problem?

- Put it away!

- What was that?

- [Triclops] It's my eye, you said you wanted to see it.

- Okay, look, look, look, look.

We are just looking for a TV.

- What is that?

- A television set.

- What is that?

- It's about... it's about ye big.

- Ye wide.

- Ye big... wide.

- Okay, I'm not sure what ye is.

Oh, no, but the thing that like emits light

and you like watch things, programming?

- [Zach] Yeah.

- Some would say television?

- [Zach] Yeah.

- That is not in there.

Not in there.

Do not go in there.

It's not in there.

- I'm sorry, I'm gonna regret asking.

Do all cyclops have an eye on their ass?

- Okay, you will regret asking that.

No, okay.

Yeah, not everybody has an eye on their ass, okay?

Usually it's on the forehead.

What is so wrong with that?

- Well, is it...

I mean, is it like a condition?

- Yeah, it's a...

You know, some have said a genetic disorder, okay?

- Do you see like a... do you see a doctor for it?

- A doctor?

Like a... like a triclops doctor?

Like, oh, let me get checked out.

Let me go see the triclops doctor.

No! That's not a thing.

Why would that be a thing?

- Well, I'm just wondering, like,

do you ever get a little bit of lint

or something in the eye?

- That... that's true.

Okay, that's the first true thing you've...

(whooshing)

- You know, it's a...

It's a bummer about your TV, man.

But you know what?

I'll bet that chick Vanessa took it though, man.

She was like so upset at you last week when you...

When you called her Vicky last week, man.

She probably took that thing just to like, uh...

Like, spite you, man.

- Yeah, man, it's a bummer, man.

But my parents said they got like a TV

that we can borrow, man.

So, once...

Once we get that, we'll be back in business, man.

(ethereal music)

I think need to lay off.

- Hey!

Ha, ha.

You found your TV, man.

Thanks.

- And I have a notoriously sweaty ass.

- We got the TV.

- Okay, see ya.

- Wait.

- Cyclops.

- No, come back.

Come...

Come back.

I love you.

- Hey, guys, I'm sorry.

So, was that it?

Like, we saved the day or whatever?

- Yes, we got all three jobs done for the day.

Mister smarty Darren!

- You did it, buddy.

- Really?

- No. - Stupid.

- We've still got two jobs left.

But that wasn't bad, right, fellas?

(crunching)

Oh fu...

- What's this?

- [Cameraman] Are you ready?

Three, two, one, action.

- Good afternoon, Springfield.

This is Ron Maroon live from downtown reporting

on the bloody crime spree that started a week ago today.

Last Monday Richard Sicko, AKA Schlomo the Clown

and his pet gorilla Fifi pulled off a daring daylight escape

from Farnham and Hailey Circus.

Resulting in the death of four

Loughton law enforcement officers.

And this man, Lawrence Quinn, a local numbskull

who was run over by Schlomo and Fifi

during a high speed pursuit through downtown Loughton.

And earlier today during a daylight bank robbery

here in downtown Springfield, Schlomo and Fifi

killed another state trooper, Joseph Swanson

and a civilian, Milton Wadams.

This brings the death toll to 19.

Six state troopers, five police officers,

seven civilians, and one local numbskull.

According to the police there's already been

15 more people beaten and maimed

and there's a city wide ordinance

telling everyone to stay indoors.

(shattering glass)

I'm Ron Maroon and I'll continue to bring...

Oh! Oh my.

(hooting and growling)

Oh, oh, shit! Oh!

(growling)

(Ron groaning)

(tense music)

- This is not good.

This is not good!

Damn it, how come they couldn't

have just upgraded our equipment?

Then I wouldn't be stuck here.

I wouldn't be stuck here with you!

Trying to fix the universe with equipment

that doesn't even work!

- Okay, well, what happened?

I mean, where are we?

Whose car are we in?

- I don't know, Darren.

I don't know.

- Okay, well, you can get us back, right?

I mean, we're in the right time period now?

We're where we're supposed to be?

I mean, you can still fix this, right?

- You see, no, no, no.

Tyler, Tyler had the device

when he zapped the TV, okay?

Do you see Tyler anywhere around here?

We can't do anything without him.

- Uh...

Zach.

- No, no, no.

You see, you just, ya just don't get it, do ya?

Okay, you see, I don't know anything without the device.

I can't do anything without the device.

I can't help anyone without the device.

Okay, you see, I...

I don't know where we are.

I don't even know when we are, okay.

Does this compute with you?

Darren!

(gorilla grunting)

- Is that the gorilla we were looking for?

(gunshots)

(sirens wailing)

(funky music)

- Fifi, who are they?

- [Together] Uh...

(screeching tires)

(funky music)

(screaming)

(funky music)

(screaming)

(screeching tires)

(screaming)

(crashing)

(sirens wailing)

(Zach retching)

(funky music)

(screeching tires)

- Hey!

Freeze.

I said, freeze.

(tense music)

(grumbling)

(moaning)

- Please.

(Zach gasping)

(gorilla growling)

(Darren whimpering)

("Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner)

(whistling)

- Ah!

("Ride of the Valkyries" continues)

- No!

- Sarge!

No!

(splashing)

(whooshing)

(screeching tires)

- Have you been expecting me, per chance?

Why don't you hop in my mobile?

- You must be the nerd.

- Um, rude, I'm not a nerd.

I am simply an educated professional, mm-kay.

Now you must be a DEMO man.

And as a DEMO man, you are probably asking yourself,

how in the world did I find you here?

Well, the answer is very simple.

You see, I sussed you out at this very lot

by simply tracking your GCNPSES

and I sussed you out to this very lot, mm-kay.

And also, if my calculations are further correct,

I would go ahead and say you have a gorilla

and a Mr. Bozo clown left to find for the day.

And oh, of course, myself.

Is this correct?

- Yeah.

I also got 1099 and I'm missing my friend, so take me there.

- Yes, sir!

(screeching tires)

This is the spot.

- Thanks, nerd.

- Um, actually, I was wondering if I could actually

maybe come with you?

- No.

Poof.

(whooshing)

(funky music)

- Ugh, do you really think this...

- Shh.

- Do you really think she's in here?

- In a movie theater?

- Oh, she's gotta be.

- Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me.

- So sorry.

- Sorry.

- Hey, guys, guys!

I love this movie.

Come on, come on.

(light music)

Hey, dude. Hey, hey.

- What? What?

- Do you mind?

- No, not at all.

- Perfect, thank you so much, man.

- Just don't do too much.

- Yeah.

- Hey, do you mind?

- No, not at all.

- Aw, thank you.

- Dude, what are you doing?

- Hey, hey. Do you mind?

- No.

- Yeah.

- What is going on here?

(Fifi growling)

- Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

(Fifi hooting)

- Sorry, sorry.

(tense synth music)

- Yeah!

- What?

(thudding)

(smacking)

- Ah!

(grunting)

- Ha, ha.

(squeaking)

(gargling)

(grunting)

- Get up, partner.

(clown whimpering)

(Fifi growling)

- Uh... guys.

- [Together] What!

(Fifi hooting)

(demo men groaning)

(tense synth music)

(Fifi growling)

(squeaking)

- Ah!

(smacking)

(Fifi screeching)

(Darren shouting)

(clown cackling)

(Zach gagging)

(Fifi growling)

(Darren grunting)

(Fifi hooting)

(tense synth music)

(clown groaning)

(Tyler shouting)

(grunting)

(squelching)

(Zach screaming)

(popping)

(Tyler screaming)

(smacking)

(electronic whooshing)

(distorted synth music)

(electric buzzing)

(pinball machine dings)

(distorted speech)

(distorted sounds)

- [Together] Darren!

- Darren.

- We messed up everything.

- It is completely over.

- We messed up everything! - The world is destroyed.

Look at his arm!

Look at my eye, dude.

- Shut up!

- We boned it. We boned it really, really bad.

- We need to go back.

- Okay.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Okay, that's good.

- Okay.

(light music)

- All right, so how are we gonna get there?

Do we need my car? Do we need wheels?

- Wheels?

Where we're going, we don't need wheels.

(thudding)

- Sorry, one eye.

(upbeat electronic music)

♪ I got it on lock ♪

♪ I'm racing the clock ♪

♪ With all that I've got ♪

♪ Because you already know ♪

♪ I got it on lock ♪

♪ I'm racing the clock ♪

♪ With all that I've got ♪

♪ Because you already know ♪

(shimmering)

("Everywhere You Look" instrumental playing)

- Where's dad?

(giggling)

(funky music)

♪ Full stop ♪

♪ Now I'm rearing to go ♪

♪ My eye vision is blurry ♪

♪ I'm in a hurry ♪

♪ So only ♪

♪ Real talk, my head's on the block ♪

♪ Chop, chop ♪

♪ Standing idle ♪

♪ This thing is vital ♪

♪ So guess I'll ♪

♪ Take off with the ignition ♪

♪ Keep up my monovision ♪

♪ Act like ♪

♪ I have the skills ♪

♪ But I don't ♪

♪ Get gone ♪

♪ You know I'm on it like ♪

♪ My job ♪

♪ Depends upon it like ♪

♪ I'm gone ♪

♪ If I don't got it, oh no ♪

♪ But you already know ♪

♪ I got it on lock ♪

♪ I'm racing the clock ♪

♪ With all that I've got ♪

♪ Because you already know ♪

♪ I've got it on lock ♪

♪ I'm racing the clock ♪

♪ With all that I've got ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ Because I'm a ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ Because I'm a ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ Because I'm a ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ N, N, N, N ♪

♪ I've got it on lock ♪

♪ I'm racing the clock ♪

♪ With all that I've got ♪

♪ Because you already know ♪

♪ I've got it on lock ♪

♪ I'm racing the clock ♪

♪ With all that I've got ♪

♪ Because you already know ♪

♪ D-E-M-O-M-A-N ♪