Original subtitles

[folk music]

♪ Somewhere beyond the sea ♪

[Woman] Hold on to your hat,

it's gonna be a windy wedding.

[Mary] You want to try charcoal Brenda,

ever so good for gas.

[Carol] You need a lift to the church?

[Brenda] No thanks.

I'm meeting the western in bloom adjudicator after.

[Carol] Oh, okay.

Phil's done a good job of the brochure.

Hasn't he Carol?

Well he's a wonderful photographer,

I wouldn't expect anything less.

Talk of the devil, hello Phil.

Smile ladies.

[camera snapping]

Gorgeous.

I don't know what you saw in him, Carol.

Oh, come on, Brenda.

You so charmingly irresponsible.

Why'd you leave him then?

Come on Brenda, you're so charmingly irresponsible.

Be gone tomorrow.

No reason to hang around once the job's done.

No. Well, he's not known for sticking around.

I'll be sad to see the back of him.

Again.

You sure you're all right finishing this on your own.

Absolutely. I've just got to deadhead the pelargoniums,

cut back the cross stems on the floribunda roses

and then give them all a drink.

But whatever you do.

Don't over water the perennials, I know.

They sent in Charlie Dimmock.

This time last month you didn't know your dibber

from a Dutch hoe, now you're telling me how it's done.

I nearly met her once.

A dutch hoe?

Charlie Dimmock.

She was in Calendar Girls at the Hippodrome

and Charlie's bristol's came to Bristol.

Bra?

Of course not.

What a woman.

I'd give her anything to shake her by the hand.

Done.

Due to taste now,

I don't want you to hold this against me, but to, well

whatever the outcome of today, I'm proud of you.

Thanks Stan.

You got your sick cherish.

You got your string.

You got your gloves.

You've got oh, Billy bow tie.

Smile for the birdie.

Aren't you meant to be at the church Phil?

Keep your bow tie on hot stuff.

Service doesn't start until 10:30.

Want a lift?

No thanks love.

I'll be there in time for the end of the service.

I've got to go and photograph Stan's competition first.

All right ta da then.

Bye all.

I don't think you got any competition.

When's he going?

Tomorrow morning.

I can't say I'll be sorry to see the back of him.

Again. Come on.

Laters Monty Don.

Have fun.

Ta da.

[folk music]

[engine starting]

[van beeping]

Oh no, wait, I'm not ready.

You okay?

I'm getting married Sarah.

I know.

My life's about to change forever.

I know.

You told me you were wearing a dress

you brought in the close sale.

I decided to save that for a special occasion.

Well done, Richard.

I'll just get us a seat.

Hello, Richard.

I'd never have worn this if I'd have known.

Well done, good luck.

The sense of danger must not disappear.

The way is certainly both short and steep.

However gradual it looks from here,

Look if you like, but you will have to leap.

W. A. Jordan, for his gay lover,

but the sentiment still holds.

Contrary to all appearances lad,

marriage is not as bad as it looks.

See you on the flip side.

Ready now?

Yeah.

Keep that chin up.

Sorry we're late.

Is she here yet?

Yeah mum, you missed the whole thing

Oh have we?

-No. -Oh Richard.

[laughs]

You are a one.

Isn't he a one?

You really are a one.

I changed my colostomy bag so it should see me through

the end of the service.

As long as no one knows of any lawful impediments.

Hey Sarah?

Oh, Richard, your button hole's wrong.

Should be on the left next to your heart

to ward off evil spirits.

Sorry. That's my fault.

I might've known.

We'll go and get a seat.

I've already got one.

Some people have all the luck.

[laughs]

Steps.

Oh yeah.

Did you put these here?

What?

No, there's another entrance around the corner.

Thank you.

We'll find it.

Laters mum.

Your mum hates me.

Yeah, she does.

Lets have a look at the race card.

All Things Bright and Beautiful.

We had that at Maureen's funeral last week.

[laughs]

Shut up Jack.

Purple headed mountain.

[laughs] Shut up Jack.

Fantastic Mary.

Oh, yes.

It's not an old people's home, it's a retirement community.

We do all sorts.

We go on holidays.

Yeah play poker.

Texas holdup?

No, strip mainly.

We've got a day trip to London next month

to see The Lion King.

Baker's dolphin all inclusive.

You should come to that one Alice.

Not on your Nelly.

I can never find anything to eat in London

and the noise is deafening.

-You've never been. -Yes I have.

-When? -1945.

This is it then.

[sings Chopin's Funeral March]

Will you stop singing the Funeral March?

-Is it? -Yeah.

I better tell the organist.

Am I showing yet?

Takes longer than a month.

Better get in.

Here we go then.

See you in a bit.

-Wait. -Why?

-Where's Ava? -What?

Where's Ava?

I need to give her her bouquet.

-I thought she was with you. -No.

-Where is she then? -Dunno.

What are you doing here then?

We are the bridesmaids.

So why aren't you maids-ing the bride?

She said to meet her here.

-Are you messing around? -No.

Have you seen her this morning?

She drove up Bristol to get her mum and dad.

Did she?

Why did she drive up Bristol?

She should be with you crapping herself.

Has she not called you?

She can't.

Why not?

I got her phone.

Why have you got her phone?

She gave it to me to look after last night.

Why oh, why did she give it to you to look after?

So she wouldn't be tempted to talk to Richard today.

Oh my God.

She's going to be late for her own wedding.

OMG.

Don't say OMG.

-All right. -All right.

-All right. -All right.

We're ready when you are.

Thanks Declan.

It's Father McKenzie when I'm on duty, Sarah.

There's somebody up there I'm trying to impress.

God?

No, Gilbert.

Okay. Sure.

All right Dave.

Hello Rich. What are you doing here?

It's my wedding day.

I invited you.

Oh yeah.

Nice one.

Fingers crossed she turns up hey.

Who was that?

That's Dave.

Single?

Pregnant.

Pregnant, not dead.

Okay.

[folk music]

Ava will be here.

Won't she?

No, honestly.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I saw it on QI.

Back in a bit.

Okay.

I told Richard it was Polish tradition to be late.

Did he believe you?

Yeah. So was Ava okay when you left her last night?

What was last night?

The hen do.

Oh yeah, I think so.

Yeah she was absolutely fine.

I mean, she did cry.

A lot.

But apart from that.

Why did she cry?

She won't say.

Okay, I need to tell you something.

-Oh no. -What?

I think I made her cry.

-OMG. -Don't say OMG.

What did you do?

I was really drunk and Richard and I nearly kissed.

What?

Nothing actually happened but I got really upset.

And then I got really drunk

and then I completely embarrassed myself with Jason

and then I spoke to Ava and then she started to cry.

And now she's not here.

What did you say?

I can't remember.

I think maybe I congratulated her on marrying Richard.

And?

And then maybe something about giving him

all the things I couldn't give him.

And?

Then maybe something about how being married

to Richard would make me feel trapped.

Trapped!

[shushing]

[both whispering] Trapped.

Yes, I think maybe pretty much definitely.

That was when she started to cry.

-OMG. -Don't say OMG.

Totes inappropes.

Don't say totes inappropes.

You scared her off.

Don't say scared her off.

Right give me that bike.

Where are you going?

Round their place, see if she's there.

Not that one.

Why not?

That's Richard's.

I don't think he'll mind.

-Give me Ava's. -Why?

It goes with his outfit.

-Always working, laters. -Laters.

[cans clanking]

She will be here, won't she?

You better flipping hope so.

Else Father McKenzie is writing the words

of a sermon that no one will hear.

Can I say it now please?

Yes.

OMG. OMG.

[folk music]

[sweet wrappers rustling]

Oh nice one.

[Dave] You seen The Artist?

[Stan] Nope.

[Dave] Now that was a good film.

[folk music]

[cans clanking]

All right Jason?

S'up Kieron.

Give this to your Nan love.

Back in a minute.

You want to get inside Nan.

They're all boiling in there.

Thanks love.

You all right?

Yeah. The witches of Westwick are trying to persuade me

to move into the lodge.

I thought I'd come and see what your granddad

had to say about it.

Anything?

He's a bit quiet today.

Have you spoken to mum about it?

No. She'll only try and talk me out of it

or help me pack.

Have you given Jason an answer about moving to London?

No.

Have you told Richard what you said to Ava?

No, not yet.

Oh Nan, what have I done?

If Ava doesn't turn up

it's because she doesn't want to, love.

You just gave her a bloody big push.

Nan! [laughs]

[cans clanking]

-Looks lush Jason. -Thanks.

Hello all, how are we getting on?

We're doing okay.

Aren't we Dick?

Well, the good news is, the air conditioning is back on.

The bad news is it's Ms. Jacob's funeral at 12.

And she can't cancel.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.

You're welcome to stay for the funeral of course.

I thought she committed suicide.

No, she tried a few times, but no luck.

Truck got her in the end

on the way to aqua aerobics.

So she's still entitled to a burial.

Oh, is she will be pleased.

Now, Richard

would you like a stiff one for old times sake?

Okay.

Anyone else fancy a wee snifter?

Oh yeah.

Yeah, I'll have a quick one thanks.

You coming love?

No, I'll wait for Ava.

Take this in case she turns up.

Hello? Bride or groom?

Funeral.

Okay.

Sorry for your loss.

Do you want me to wait with you love?

It's okay.

That's the ring that Jason found.

What's she doing in Stan's pocket?

Exciting.

Sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

[cans clanking]

Sorry for your loss.

There was a note.

Say cheese.

Where is everyone?

Not now dad.

[camera snapping]

Kieron.

Always working. Laters.

[cans clanking]

[organ music]

[Chopin's "Funeral March"]

Sorry, it's my first day.

["Here Comes The Bride"]

Sorry, I thought.

Sorry.

Kieron found a note.

You open it Sarah.

Come on Sarah, read it out.

What does it say, Sarah?

Sorry to miss you.

Please call at a convenient time to rearrange delivery

of your new sofa, complete with scatter cushions

and your additional poof.

She's not coming is she?

[organ thuds]

Sorry.

It's my first day.

[folk music]

♪ Somewhere, beyond the sea, ♪

♪ He's there watching for me. ♪

♪ If I could fly like birds on high, ♪

♪ Then straight to his arms, I'd go, sailing. ♪