Original subtitles

[gentle lilting music]

♪ Somewhere beyond the sea ♪

♪ He's there watching for me ♪

Hi, Derrick

♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪

Not here. haven't seen me.

-Chloe, are you smoking? -It's Ava's.

-All right, Ava? -Yes, thank you.

Not here, haven't seen me, need a bin bag.

What time is the stripper coming?

20 minutes.

And counting.

Where the bin bags?

What's wrong with Ava?

[gasps] She's a bit nervous.

Not surprised, I'd be terrified.

Shush, she's coming.

Oh! Talk of the devil, all right, Ava?

Yes, thank you.

Have the stags arrived?

Not yet.

So it's just you and Richard?

Yeah.

But Jason is coming, isn't he?

Yeah, think so.

Oh, good.

Have you solved the mystery of his ring yet?

Not yet.

[laughs] He's so gonna to ask you to marry him.

Is he?

-Is he? -Is he?

No, I've only known him a few weeks.

I'd only known your grandad a fortnight.

Yeah, but you were pregnant, Mother.

Oh no, you hussy, you're pregnant!

-Are you? -Are you?

-Are you? -No!

Oh, pregnant and single, what will people say?

I'm pregnant and single.

But people expect it from you, Chloe.

Cheers, Carol.

I'm not pregnant,

and Jason's not going to ask me to marry him.

♪ Dah, dah, dah, dah-di-dah-di-dah-di-dah ♪

What is that?

The "Wedding March".

It's the "Funeral March".

If the cap fits. [snorts]

-What do you mean? -Just that for some people

getting married is the equivalent of...

dying.

Drinking game!

-Drinking game! -Drinking game!

How many of us are there?

Five.

Okay, never ever have I. Everybody sit.

Rules are: If you have, then you stand,

if you've never, then you sit.

Okay, let's play.

Okay, must stag. Laters!

[All] Laters!

Okay, we'll start slow.

Never ever have I had a threesome.

No, Mother, you stand if you have.

[hammer bangs]

I knew we should have gone to Prague.

No. This is great.

Beach barbecue and a few beers with my mates.

But you didn't bring the barbecue.

Oh, yeah, no. I don't like barbecues.

So it's just a few beers.

With me.

Perfect.

[soft footsteps]

Hi, Rich.

All right, Dave?

Well done.

Oh, cheers, nice one.

Ah, well now, this is lovely.

Hi.

Who are you?

-Oh, Sarah, Dave. -Dave, Sarah.

Hi.

I'll leave you to it.

Leave us to what?

Catch up.

I'll get some Quavers.

[gentle lilting music]

So...

how do you know Richard?

From the nursing home mainly.

Tell a lie.

We first met in the queue at the college abduction day.

But we didn't speak till nine years later

when he helped me out of a commode.

[gentle lilting music]

Meant to be, I spose.

Are you a patient?

No, a nurse.

Mainly.

[girls laughing]

Okay, next question!

Ooh, I've got one!

Never ever have I snogged Mick Jagger.

Mother!

Come on! On your feet, Alice Dobson.

[girls cheering]

1963 after they played at the Winter Gardens.

Did Dad and Jack know?

Oh, yeah, they took the photo.

[everyone guffaws]

I try to be principled, you know?

I mean, I tried to have principles

vis-a-vis deodorant, for example.

I don't agree with it so I don't use it.

Do you agree with soap and water?

I don't disagree with it per se, but I'm not a fan of it.

Do you play war games?

Er, nope.

So what do you do?

I'm sort of a writer.

What, like words and stuff?

Yeah.

In the main.

I belong to the war games club.

We do historical re-enactment of historical events

from history, apropos the past, with miniature figurines.

Always thought I'd like to do something with that

in the future, but it's hard to know where to take it.

Yeah, it must be.

[Richard] All right?

On, I'm just gonna...

So? What do you think?

She's okay.

Not for me though.

Bit desperate.

She likes you.

Oh, yeah. Er, no.

But not like that.

[gentle lilting music]

Hey, do you want to hear something funny?

No, I'm all right, cheers.

[girls laughing]

Never ever have I kissed a girl.

Oh, no.

Mother!

Ava!

Kieran!

Accident at year seven youth club.

-Tongues? -Tits.

So are you technically bisexual?

Play your cards right, Bren.

[girls gasp]

Has our entire friendship

been one long trick to get me into bed?

No! When I'm with you, I know I'm gay.

I've absolutely no idea what's going on,

but this is wonderful. [cries]

[girls wail]

The Scorpions "Winds of Change".

No, it wasn't.

It was! Behind the portacabin at the Batch.

He's still counting.

I told him to count to a million.

[both laughing]

I promise you,

our first kiss was to the re-release of "My Girl".

Wednesday night youth club during a blackout.

It wasn't. The film came out in '91,

the song was re-released in '92,

and we started going out in '93.

So who did I kiss to "My Girl"?

-It wasn't me. -But I remember your hair.

It wasn't mine.

But you were my first kiss.

-No, I wasn't. -So who was it then?

-I've no idea. -Oh, gutted.

You were well good.

No, I wasn't.

[both giggle]

Yeah, no.

Not just that time.

[Dave] Found you!

-[both yell] -[Dave laughs]

Good one, good one!

I saw Richard first. You count.

Sorry.

That's okay.

What for? Nothing happened.

No.

-Did it? -No, nothing happened.

-Cool. -Yeah.

-It's cool, we're cool. -Yeah.

-That's totally cool. -Yeah.

-I better go and hide. -Yes.

Get counting, you, Mr Counter Man.

Yeah.

[Richard] One, two.

Hey, kid. Where's this stag do then?

You all right?

[Sarah sobs]

[gentle music]

[gentle blues music]

[Dave] Anyone been to Norway?

[All] No.

Has anyone been to Taiwan?

Beers! We need more beers!

-Yeah. -Good idea.

-I'll come and help you. -Later.

-Sarah? -Yeah?

Good time to talk?

Perfect.

[gentle lilting music]

Have you been to Cheltenham?

[girls howling]

[girls cheering]

-What are you lot doing here? -We need more beer.

Lots of beer.

Jack, come and talk to me.

[everyone laughs]

You must be drunk.

So, what's going on?

We're playing never ever ever never forever.

Oh, good. What's that?

Oh, great, I love that game.

Move over, gorgeous.

Yeah, me too.

Move over, gorgeous-er.

So, how's my little grand-bump.

[laughs] Started as it means to go on. Woohoo!

Ginger beer.

Right then, what you got so far?

Mary wees in the shower.

Kieran kissed a girl. And Brenda-

Kieran kissed a girl?

Wednesday night youth club, there was a blackout

and some tart threw herself on my face.

[wolf whistle]

Was "My Girl" playing?

Yeah, yeah, I think it was.

Is that when you had your perm?

Yeah.

Ooooooo! [laughs]

At least mine grew out,

and today you still look like Annie.

[everyone howls]

Right, I'm going to get some beers.

Do you want to give me a hand?

What's going on?

He's got something to ask me.

Nah, nah, nah, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.

If he does, there's no reason why I shouldn't say yes.

Is there?

No, don't think there is.

Thought not.

Just checking.

Laters.

Are all these beers up for grabs?

The more the merrier.

So, um...

What did you want to ask me?

So...

I might be way off the mark here,

but I know your writing has taken

a bit of a backseat recently, and I thought that

if you needed to get out of Weston

to give your writing a proper chance,

there's always my flat in London.

Do you wanna just move in?

Oh.

Wow.

I know, it's a massive question.

No, no, it's, it's amazing.

I know you have a life here.

Have I?

I just wanted to put it out there as an option,

-if you're interested. -Right.

You don't have to give me an answer right now.

No, I...

[everyone jabbering]

-I'd love to. -Really?!

Yes! Yes!

[both buzzing]

Yes, let's do it! Let's move to London!

Oh, no, no, no, I won't be there. No, I meant you move in.

Oh. [laughs]

I'm staying here.

-Oh! -[both laugh]

-Sorry, I thought- -Right.

-You didn't think- -No.

-'Cause we're just- -Absolutely.

-Aren't we? -Definitely.

-You said- -Exactly, exactly.

Said what exactly?

Casual, breezy, no strings.

Exactly, I did say that.

That's why I was so surprised

when you said about moving in together.

-I didn't say together. -I didn't mean together,

I meant...

Wow! A free flat in London.

-I didn't say free. -I didn't mean free.

-I meant mate's rates. -I meant mate's rates.

Because I'm earning an income while I'm here-

-Income, fair dinkum. -Finding my feet.

Feet finding muchos importantes.

Think about it.

Thinky, dinky, dink, dink. [half gasps]

-You okay? -Great.

-Okay. -Okay.

-Okay. -Okay.

[both laugh]

What happened to the ring by the way?

Ring?

The lost ring.

That you found.

That you said, "All will be revealed."

Oh, yeah. [laughs]

It didn't work out the way it was meant to,

so nothing to reveal.

[laughs] God, you didn't think

I was going to give it to you, didn't you? [chortles]

What?! [laughs] No!

[both laugh]

Ooh, God, no! That would make me crackers!

[both howling]

-Okay. -Okay

You think about the offer?

-I will. -[both laughing]

[everyone guffawing]

[head thuds]

-Sarah, stripper! -[head thuds]

-[everyone guffawing] -[head thuds]

Play your cards right, mate, you might get lucky tonight.

-With what? -That writer.

But I'm engaged to someone else.

-Are you? -Yeah.

You never said.

This is my stag do.

Oh, I thought it was your birthday.

Oh, yeah, no, I'm getting married tomorrow.

Oh, it's a shame.

You'd have made a lovely couple.

[lively music]

♪ I believe in miracles ♪

[Girls] Off, off, off, off, off!

-♪ You sexy thing ♪ -[hands clapping]

-Well? -No, no, totally no.

One of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

-♪ You sexy thing ♪ -[everyone whooping]

-[lively music] -[everyone cheering]

♪ Where did you come from, baby ♪

[everyone whooping]

[phone ringing]

Sorry, I've got to just...

Yeah, I'm at work.

Oh, he's working it.

Okay.

Thanks for letting me know.

[everyone cheering]

[Girls] Off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off!

-[stripper weeping] -[lively music]

Are you okay?

My dog's just died. [sobbing]

Why don't...

Why don't you just...

[stripper cries]

Help, please.

♪ I believe in miracles ♪

-Stop. -I can't. [weeps]

Someone help, please.

-I can't. -Just stop.

-I can't. -Please stop.

[wailing] I need the money.

Please stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

[stripper bawling]

He was my best friend.

I need the money.

My wife's left me. I've got to pay for my son.

[stripper howls]

Why did your wife leave you?

Because...

I'm gay.

[weeps] And my dog is dead.

[stripper wails]

That must be awfully hard for you.

-Shush. -[stripper weeps]

[camera clicks]

♪ You sexy thing ♪

[camera clicks]

[stripper sobbing]

[bright music]

You okay?

Yes, I'm good.

Well done, Ava.

-For what? -For doing it.

For actually doing it.

Doing what?

Marriage, commitment, forever,

for giving Richard everything he has ever wanted.

I couldn't do it.

I didn't do it, I just felt trapped.

Trapped?

Yeah, when he asked me, I just...

I mean, we were kids, of course, I felt trapped,

but I think I'd still feel trapped even if he asked me now.

-Trapped. -Yeah.

Well, no, maybe.

Who knows?

Anyways, I'll never knows because he's marrying yous.

Tomorrows.

Forevers.

Sorry, what I'm trying to say is well done-

Did you really feel trapped?

Did I say trapped?

You said marrying Richard would make you feel trapped.

I, I'm not sure if I meant trapped exactly.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, are you going to cry?

-I didn't mean trapped. -It's okay.

No, it isn't. I didn't mean trapped.

Don't cry. Please.

Don't cry.

[car horn hoots]

Please don't cry.

Oh, please don't cry.

Come on, miss-soon-to-be-missus,

we've got cheerleading to do!

[everyone chattering]

In you get, Joshua!

[girls shrieking]

Is the Queen Mum dead?

Yeah, she is, yeah.

I suspected as much.

[Sarah] All right?

All right.

Ah, well, cracking night, Rich, thanks a lot.

You off, Dave?

Yeah.

I want to get the house cleaned,

saves doing it in the morning.

Cheers, Rich, all the best.

[Sarah] This is it then.

Yup.

This is it.

[gentle lilting music]

♪ Somewhere beyond the sea ♪

♪ He's there watching for me ♪

♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪

♪ Then straight to his arms I'd go sailing ♪