Original subtitles

♪ Somewhere beyond the sea ♪

♪ He's there watching for me ♪

♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪

♪ Then straight to his arms ♪

There's nothing like a pre peregrination potation.

A what?

A cup of tea before my stroll.

Are we still bowling later, Mary?

Mm hmm.

If you're lucky,

I'll let you play with my new boules.

Promises, promises, Jack.

How is your tea, Jack?

Emotional, Carol.

Alice not about today?

No, she's spelunking.

Don't you Spelunk, Jack?

Not as much as I used to.

[laughter]

Bye, all.

Bye bye, Jack.

Bye, Mr. Dobson.

Why is he so full of the joys?

Alice is down a cave for the day.

Here you are mother.

Get that down your Gregory neck.

What is it?

A three leaf clover.

Looks like Jack's new boules to me.

Well, practise makes things improve, mother.

We've run out of milk, Sarah.

Again!

You've got percolate to accumulate.

Blue top, please.

None of that limp stuff.

[bicycle bell trills]

Oh, talk of the devil, hello, Richard.

Yeah, not bad all right.

All right.

All right, what's going on?

Mum's been on a latte art course.

If you said, arty, it would rhyme.

With what?

Biscuits.

That's a bit ridiculous, Sarah.

You want a latte arty, Richard?

I'm not really a latte arty fan, Carol.

Oh, Richard, you Palestine!

Philistine, usual?

Yes, please, eh, no, thanks.

Me and Ava, we're going to look at sofas.

[Sarah] Where is Ava?

Oh yeah, no, she's fixing my car.

What's wrong with it this time?

No idea, something about my crank shaft.

You want to do something tonight?

I thought you were gigging at the pier?

Yeah, no, cancelled it.

Why?

Wanted a night in with Ava.

You fancy it?

A night in with you and Ava?

No, Ava's got plans.

Well, how'd you know I haven't got plans?

Is the Pope Catholic?

Yeah.

Oh, well, have you got plans?

No.

Aha, QE2.

Great, so what do you want to do?

I'll do anything, whatever you want.

Okay, watch a band up Bristol?

No, darts at the Dragon?

Okay, what time, seven-ish?

Perfect, can't get there till eight.

Okay, eight-ish.

Eight-ish, great-ish.

[Sarah laughs]

Laters.

Laters.

[gentle music]

There's plenty more fish in the sea, love.

Have you seen the sea lately, Nan?

Back in a bit.

Bye-bye, love.

[gentle music continues]

OMG, bees don't have knees, who knew?

You're ready for the off then?

I am packed, whacked, and ready for action.

Where's he taking you?

Groupon offer, Minehead Travelodge.

Romantic.

Don't you ever feel guilty?

I did once when I told my mom I was going to be late

because you'd been mugged

but I was actually in a dinghy on Marine Lake

snogging Peter Marshall.

And then when I got home she told me she had cancer.

Felt a bit guilty about that.

I meant guilty about the estate agent being married.

Oh that, yeah, no.

I mean I do, but if he wasn't doing me

he'd be doing someone else.

Eat your heart out, Emmeline Pankhurst.

Exactly, or some other bird.

What you're doing later?

Playing darts with Richard, just us.

You do know he's engaged?

It's just darts.

It's never just darts.

Yes it is.

Hey.

Oh, hi!

Jason, this is Chloe.

I know who you are.

Why? Have we slept together?

No, I've worked for your dad.

[Chloe laughs]

You'd be surprised how often that happens.

Okay.

Okay.

Nice to see you again.

You too.

Cute!

Maybe.

He fancies you.

No he doesn't.

Totes!

Don't say totes.

If you look back now I bet he's looking.

Is he?

No.

Oh, do you get free shampoo at Travelodge?

Dunno, why?

I need refills for the salon.

Where are we going by the way?

To get milk.

Cool.

[Morris dance music plays]

[seagulls cry]

Morning Mr. Astill.

Oh, hello lad.

How you doing?

You know, not too dusty there.

Working on a Saturday?

Yeah, no rest for the wicked.

Do you want a hand?

Nah, you're all right.

You enjoy your day off.

I'm only doing a bit of dead heading.

Let me have a go, I need the practise.

Morning all.

Oh, started jogging, Phil?

Yeah, see you later, Sherlock.

Yeah, jog on, Moriarty, jog on.

Who's he?

Carol's ex-husband.

Emphasis on the ex?

I hope so.

When did they break up?

10 years ago.

Why?

She loved him, he loved his job.

Sounds like a knob to me.

You're not wrong, lad.

Well, actually you are, he's a good bloke.

I just wish he weren't.

Oh, well, his loss is your gain, innit?

I'm not so sure at the moment, lad.

[gentle music]

All right, cappuccino, da Vinci?

Talk of the devil!

Hello, Stan.

You want to see my latte arty hearty?

Oh, Carol, I thought you'd never ask.

So, we still going to Cheddar to see the bluebells later?

Oh, yeah, lovely.

I reckon we'll see the last of the season.

Oh, I ballsed up another one.

Oh, take your time, love.

I'm going into battle with this bad boy.

Oh, talk of the devil, hello, Phil.

Hello, Sarah not about?

No, you've been training?

No, just the 10k training.

Training for what?

London Marathon.

Why?

Check it off the bucket list.

What else is on there?

Oh, you know, the usual, a bungee jump

off Sydney Harbour bridge, walk the Inca trail,

drink tea in China.

Ever manage any off them? [chuckles]

All of them, apart from the marathon.

In't he clever, Stan?

You still a running man, Stan?

Yeah.

No! Only thing Stan runs these days is a bath.

[Phil laughs]

Yeah, well, the knees are shot.

Ah, well, you want to try Pilates then.

I can touch me toes for the first time in years.

It goes straight to the core.

I bet it does.

Well, I'd better get off.

I've got to shoot the Western Morris men before lunch.

I wish someone would.

[Phil laughs]

I'm going to leave this for Sarah.

We still on for later, Carol?

Ooh, yeah, lovely.

[Stan] What's later?

I'm introducing Carol to a mate of mine

who runs a franchise of seaside cafes.

A business of your own but not on your own.

But you're not on your own, Carol.

Well, it's just an idea, Stan.

Nice pansies by the way.

See you later.

They're impatiens.

I saved them from downy mildew, you great, Busy Lizzie.

So, we're not going to see the bluebells then, Carol.

Oh yes, lovely.

Did you hear what I said?

Oh yes, lovely.

What do bluebells mean, Stanley?

Constancy, Mary.

Hmm, interesting.

Okey, friggly, pokey, bye all.

Bye, Stanley.

Wha hey, I did it!

A latte arty hearty, look, Stan.

Where is he?

He's gone.

Where's Phil?

He's gone as well.

I did it, look, beautiful.

Latte arty hearty.

Looks a bit of a mess to me, Carol.

So how was the blind date?

Gorgeous, funny, intelligent, and we got on great.

Great.

It was, then I went in for a kiss at the end of the night

and he was wearing mascara, mission aborted.

You didn't kiss a man because he was wearing makeup?

Well, it's a bit camp.

Anyway, my mom's therapist told my mom,

I need some time on my own.

So I'm joining you in celibacy.

It's not a choice.

You're not doing much to change it.

We could go speed dating later.

Can't, sleeping with the estate agent.

Playing darts with Richard.

Just the two of them.

It's just darts.

It's never just darts.

Yes it is.

So, what am I going to do?

Watch the In-betweeners movie

by streaming YouTube clips together.

[Batman] Probably.

Just buy the DVD.

[Batman] I can't afford it.

OMG.

[Sarah] Don't say OMG.

The estate agent's wife.

[Sarah] What?

The estate agent's wife, OMG!

OMG!

Oh, hi, Chloe.

Hi, Amy.

Oh, sorry, I thought you were drug dealers.

That's weird.

What is?

I was just talking about you.

I recommended you to a friend of mine.

Oh, thanks.

Always be loyal to your lover and your hairdresser.

Isn't that what they say?

Is that what they say?

I think that's what they say.

[deep voice] That's what they say.

Come on sweetheart.

We've got to take daddy to the train station.

Have a good weekend.

[Altogether] Bye!

[Chloe mimics Amy]

Is that what they say?

I think that's what they say.

Is that what they say?

Lovely, isn't she?

I have to call it off, don't I?

I like this one.

I know, but he's not yours to like.

Hello, pot.

Hello, kettle.

Hello, tragic women who can't get boyfriends of their own.

Hello, pot.

Hello, kettle.

[gentle music]

[children shrieking happily]

[gentle music continues]

[Stan groans]

Oh my dear life, oh, oh!

Oh my bloody knees.

[Stan groans ]

All right?

[Everyone Else Together] All right!

Hello.

Tea, two sugars?

No thanks.

Yes, please.

But could I have no sugar, no milk.

And could it be a coffee?

A black coffee then?

Yeah.

Sure.

You get your sofa?

No, but Ava's got something to ask instead.

Oh, what?

Will you be my bridesmaid?

Me?

No,

you.

[Chloe And Batman] Us?

[Ava] Yes.

[Chloe And Batman] Uh?

Sarah can't.

[Chloe] Why not?

She's my best man.

Am I?

Of course.

Why?

Because she's the most manly.

[everyone laughs]

Yeah, no, 'cause she's the best.

So will you?

Yeah, love to.

Stag do, hen do, here we come, dude.

Great.

Great.

We should celebrate, tonight.

I thought you had plans?

I do, but this is much more important.

But, Sarah and I are playing darts.

Just the two of them.

I know, you told me.

It sounds perfect.

If that's okay with you.

It's okay with me, if it's okay with you.

It's okay with me, if it's okay with you.

If it's okay with you, it's okay with me.

Is it okay with you?

Of course, it's okay, Richard.

It's just darts.

It's never just darts.

Yes, it is.

Great.

Great.

Great.

Two's company, three's even more company so.

Great.

Great.

Great, see you at eight.

-Eight. -Eight.

Great.

-Laters. -Laters.

[Chloe And Batman] Laters.

Bye.

[seagulls cry]

Ava is lovely, isn't she?

Just checking.

[Sarah sighs]

[upbeat music]

[seagulls call]

[children shout]

[upbeat music continues]

Where you going, Nan?

I've got an appointment with Jack's new boules.

Oh, yeah.

What are you doing?

Just finishing writing a stock list.

Do you ever wonder if Mr. Dobson

is the one that got away, Nan?

Jack?

No, I enjoy flirting with him too much.

You stop flirting with someone

when you marry them.

Anyway, flirting is much more fun

when they're married to somebody else.

Your dad left that for you earlier.

What is it?

Story competition for young writers.

That's a good idea.

For young writers, Nan, not old waitresses.

What are these still doing here?

Dunno.

Stan left them earlier.

Oh, I wish he'd stop leaving his stuff

around, willy-nilly.

He left them for you.

And what are you doing, Madam?

Writing.

Thought you'd stopped faffing around

with all that arty-farty malarkey.

If you're going to do it, just do it.

Write a blockbuster and be done with it.

I'm writing your stock list.

Oh right, good, well carry on.

Don't give up yet, love.

The tide has a wonderful habit of turning.

Hello.

Hello, again.

How's it going?

Uh, I'm bored of myself and everywhere I go, I'm there.

But apart from that...

I know the feeling, right.

Have you ever watched the news

and replaced the word bomb with bum?

No.

Try it.

It makes the world a much less depressing place.

What, like bums away.

Yeah, or suicide bummers.

They sound much less frightening.

You all right, Nan.

I'm just after the bum disposal unit.

And that's my Nan.

What can I get you?

Just a latte, please.

Oh, someone say latte?

Yeah, please.

Oh, oh, talk of the devil, hello, uh?

Jason.

Exactly, you want to drink in or take away?

Drink in, please.

Oh, righty, one takeaway latte arty coming up.

1.80 please.

I found this ring where me and Stan are working.

Someone's got fat fingers [chuckles].

They'll be missing that later.

Where was it?

Just over there.

Reckon they'll probably come in here looking for it.

Maybe put a sign up?

Oh, that's a good idea, Jacob.

Jason.

Exactly.

Shouldn't you take it to the police?

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Sarah.

You can't drag the police in these days.

Says who?

The wire.

Take a seat and I'll bring your drink over to you.

[till pings]

Don't leave it on the counter, Sarah.

Hide it in the bag-for-life drawer.

And be quiet, there are eyes everywhere.

[Carol chuckles]

Not bad.

I've got a meeting with your father.

What about?

Oh, a business of my own, but not on my own.

But you're not on your own.

That's by the by.

Byesy bye.

[Carol squawks]

Talk of the devil, bye Jack.

Oh, bye, Carol.

Hello, Sarah.

You're looking very dapper, Mr. Dobson.

[Sarah laughs]

Is your Nan around?

Yeah, she's just...

Sorry, Jack, I've just had a pre peregrination potation.

Good, because my boules are polished and ready for action.

Oh, very weighty, Jack.

Right, now then, let's make like a bamboo and shoot.

[Nan laughs]

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Thanks, wow.

Apparently, we now specialise in latte porn.

Stan tells me you're a bit of a writer.

Yeah, a bit of.

Only a bit?

Well, I haven't really written much recently.

I used to write a bit at uni.

Oh yeah, what sort of stuff?

Poetry mainly.

What kind of poetry mainly?

Metaphysical haikus with a post post-modernist twist.

Wow.

I was pivotal, Sarah.

Yeah, sounds it.

So is your name actually Sarah Porter?

Yeah, why?

Well, you may not be aware,

but Mrs. Porter and her daughter

are mentioned in the Fire Sermon.

Wasteland, T.S. Elliot, I'm very aware.

See, I'm still a bit of a tosser.

Ah, no, yeah, little...

So, how you getting on in Costa del Mare?

Better than I expected actually.

Although I still haven't found my perfect pint yet.

Oh, wow, we'll have to sort that out.

I'll give you the grand tour

when you've got a spare three and a half minutes.

Actually, you don't fancy a pint tonight, do you?

I mean it's Saturday, you've probably got plans,

but if you haven't...

Plans, nah, I never have plans.

Is that a yes?

Yes.

Great.

Great.

So what kind of stuff do you write,

Mrs. Porter's daughter?

Well, children's stories mainly,

although it's been on the back burner a bit, recently.

[Morris music plays]

♪ Somewhere beyond the sea ♪

♪ He's there watching for me ♪

♪ If I could fly like the birds on high ♪

♪ Then straight to his arms I'd go sailing. ♪