Original subtitles

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Beyond the sea ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Waiting for me ♪

♪ My lover stands on golden sands ♪

♪ And watches the ships ♪

♪ That go sailing ♪

♪ Somewhere ♪

♪ Beyond the sea... ♪

Chloe, what are you doing?

I forgot the scissors!

She forgot the scissors.

She forgot her knickers.

[indistinct whispering]

What are we doing here?

It's a surprise party.

[indistinct chatter from radio]

[woman sighs]

This is ridiculous.

How can a hairdresser forget her scissors?

It's Chloe, Mom.

She forgets her name after a vodka and coke.

I'll have to do it myself if she doesn't hurry up.

I can't give Brenda her answer looking like this.

What time's she coming?

Half an hour, I can't breathe in this thing.

You were ever such a chubby baby, Carol.

Nan!

Thank you, Mother.

Well, you were!

You arrived on the same day

as the pull-out table from the Kays Catalogue.

Getting that delivered was almost as difficult as you.

At least your legs fit through the front door.

[music plays on radio]

What time did Stan say the table was booked for?

Eight o'clock.

That'll be nice.

Done!

Thanks, love.

Sorry, Carol.

[she pants]

They were in the fridge.

Now, then.

What are you having?

There's no time, Chloe, just curl it, please.

Oh!

There must be something in here.

Just curl it, please, Chloe.

What about a Sharon Osbourne?

Just curl it, please, Chloe.

Oh, come on Carol, take a walk on the wild side.

Just curl it, please, Chloe!

The whole of Weston's hiding around the corner.

Yes, I know.

We were waiting for you!

[Carol] Hurry up, Chloe!

Don't let her out until we say.

Leave it to me.

Ready?

Bombs away.

[upbeat music plays]

[Man] Somebody, Sarah's coming.

Stan!

Stay there!

Stan!

Chloe, we've been in the starting blocks

for the last 15 minutes!

How's the birthday girl doing?

She's a bit nervous.

Of course she is.

What time's Brenda coming?

Half an hour.

Right, okey-dilly-okey, let's get on with it.

Oi! You lot, come on!

And be quiet, she's only in the kitchen!

And be quiet, she's only in the kitchen!

She's holding a kitten!

She's holding a kitten.

She's holding her knickers.

She's what?

She's holding her knickers.

She's folded her knickers?

I told you, Jack, they were under the drinks' cabinet,

you just don't listen.

It's an embarrassment.

We got the After Eights.

But they're not as posh as Ferrero Rocher.

She'll think we're right cheapskates.

Where do you want the envelope?

Shh!

She's only in there.

Oh, sorry, Stan, I forgot.

Sarah's collecting them up.

I told him the Ferrero Rocher

were under the drinks' cabinet but he doesn't listen.

So we brought you some After Eights,

and a tin of carrots to make up for it.

And there's the envelope.

Thank you, that's so kind.

Do you want to give Nan a hand blowing up some balloons?

Will do.

Oh, thanks, Mr Thompson.

We need to win those carrots back, Jack,

else we'll have none for the roast on Sunday.

All right?

[everyone shushes]

Little Richard, she's only in there.

Oh, sorry.

Where do you want me, Stan?

Set up over there.

All right.

[door slams]

[everyone shushes]

[everyone shushes]

Ow!

You going anywhere nice on your holidays, Carol?

You know I'm not.

Oh, yeah.

Everything all right in here?

Oh, talk of the devil, hello, Stanley, love.

Oh, you look lovely.

Oh, thanks, love, you too.

You're early, aren't you?

I thought the table was booked for eight?

It is, yes, thought I'd just pop by

and say hello to the birthday girl.

Turn that down, Chloe.

What was that noise?

Fox.

What?

A fox.

A fox?

A fox.

What just wondered in?

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

OMG.

I can't believe it.

I know.

Don't worry, it's gone now.

Will it come back?

It might, Dad.

It won't.

It might, they're omnivorous.

What does that mean?

They'll eat anything.

Oh no, who told you that?

"Springwatch".

Oh, my goodness.

That's the last thing we need.

The only things they don't eat

are the skins and spikes of hedgehogs.

Carol, I can say with total certainty

you will never ever see that fox.

Never say never ever, Dad.

They can hear a ticking clock 40 yards away.

Oh, do you think that's what it was?

Might be.

Oh, maybe I should go digital?

Can't hurt, can it?

Was it a reynard or a vixen, Dad?

I don't know, Chloe.

It ran off before I could ask it.

I'll be back in a moment, Carol.

That's the last thing I need today.

How are you getting on?

Producing a lot of air, Stan,

but not much of it's getting into the balloon.

Sorry, Stan.

I've run out of puff.

I could blow non-stop when I was younger.

Yes, I know.

But you shouldn't have kicked my bike

and thrown a Coke can at my head.

Yeah.

Well, you shouldn't have cheated at badminton then,

should you?

Whatevs.

Anyway, I did not throw a Coke can at your head.

Er, yes you did.

No, I didn't, it was a Diet Coke can.

You idiot.

Anyway, I bought you "Could It Be Magic"

to make up for it, that was just as painful.

Shut up, you hypocrite.

You used to give me so much stick for liking Take That,

now you can't get enough of them.

Yeah, well, they're different now, aren't they?

No, they're not.

Just older and wiser.

Aren't we all?

Don't know about wiser.

Yeah, well,

you can't have it all, can you?

Can't you?

Delivery for Carol Porter.

Shh!

Sorry, surprise party, and she's only in there.

All right, nice one.

I got a delivery here.

"Happy Birthday, Carol. Love John."

You two know anything about this?

Look, I'm sorry to rush you

only I got to pick up my girls from Scouts.

I'll grab the other crate.

Let the party begin.

Hello?

[he shushes]

She's only in there.

Who is?

Carol, we're having a surprise party for her.

Oh.

Well, shall I go through?

You're a bit early, Miss Kylie.

I know, but I need to catch a train.

It's just, she's not ready yet.

But I need to catch...

She's not ready, Brenda.

Oh, come on, Stan.

Any answer Carol could give me later, she can give me now.

Actually, Brenda, she's having her hair done,

so you'll have to come back.

Come on, Stan, you can't delay the inevitable.

Oh, yes you can.

For half an hour.

Half an hour, no more.

After you, sweet cheeks.

No, no, after you.

Fair enough.

Blimey, steer clear of that one.

We're trying.

[phone rings]

Hello, Scutler.

All right? Are you responsible for this champagne?

Oh, you got it then?

All 12 bottles of it.

Well, it's her birthday, innit?

She got to have champagne on her birthday.

Are you sending bubbly instead of you?

I thought you said half past?

I did.

Well, then, I'm early.

Where are you then?

Oh, there you are!

Hi!

Hi!

Oops, mind that!

Hello.

Hello.

How's your mom?

Er, well, I just left her

trying to feather dust the ceiling with a baguette.

Oh!

How are you?

I'm okay, thanks.

Drink?

Looks a bit cheap to me.

Yeah, some show-off sent it to mom

trying to palm it off as champagne.

But, you know, it's the thought that counts.

Well, I'm sure he thought about it a lot.

Thank you.

Sarah.

I'll be back in a minute.

You're staying, yeah?

Yeah, absolutely.

All right?

Have we got everyone's cards yet?

Nearly, I'm just waiting for the last couple.

They need to get a shift on, we've got 20 minutes.

I know, I know.

All right, Scutler?

She's only in there.

Oh, my dear life.

Who have you come as tonight?

Myself.

You look surprisingly good in black and white.

I thank you.

Hello, sailor, where's the GD?

He's running late.

He's not coming, is he?

Yes, he is.

He's just got to finish off at a very important meeting

from very important people.

Oi, madam, who's looking after Carol?

She's on the phone.

Have you finished your hair?

Yeah, she's half done.

No, then.

Yeah, nearly.

Cheese and pineapple hedgehog.

At least that's safer when the fox comes back.

Fox?

No, will you keep an eye on Carol?

OMG, there she is!

[everyone gasps]

Surprise!

[they sing]

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ And so say all of us ♪

[they cheer and clap]

[Richard] All right, everyone?

[cheering]

Go on then, Richard Dickens!

♪ Today this could be ♪

♪ The greatest day of our lives ♪

♪ Before it all ends ♪

♪ Before we run out of time ♪

♪ Stay close to me ♪

♪ Stay close to me ♪

All right, Scutler?

[they chuckle]

♪ Stay close to me ♪

♪ Tonight this could be... ♪

Here we go then.

Nice hair.

Oh, it's all the rage apparently.

I'm sorry, Carol, but I need to catch a train.

Of course.

Can you just let Richard finish his song?

♪ Can you feel it now? ♪

♪ Can you hold it in your arms? ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

Okay, hold on, sorry.

[crowd jeers]

Hello, everyone.

Sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted to give Mom her birthday present.

[crowd cheers]

Now, it's no secret that

the cafe's been in a bit of trouble recently.

And Mom, everyone wanted to do something to help.

So, we've had a bit of a birthday collection.

When are they doing the raffle?

After this.

I want them carrots.

Shut up, Alice!

We needed at least £1500 to keep the cafe open.

Unfortunately we've fallen short of the target.

[crowd groans]

Sadly, we've only managed to raise

one thousand, four hundred and ninety-seven pounds

and 22 pence!

[cheering]

So, Mom,

from us all,

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Carol!

[cheering]

Dickie, carry on with the song, go on!

Okay, okay.

♪ Today this could be ♪

♪ The greatest day of our lives ♪

Nice almost doing business with you, Carol.

Thanks, Brenda.

See you Monday morning for my usual.

I'll be here.

Good for you.

And Happy Birthday!

Thanks, Brenda.

Bye all!

Now we just need to find a way to keep it open.

[singing continues]

♪ Yeah, the world starts to come alive ♪

♪ When you stay close to me ♪

[cheering]

Right, I'll be back in a bit, cheers.

[cheering]

Oh, hello, mate.

Nice playing, I'd forgotten how good you were.

What are you doing?

Just having some cake.

Yeah and eating it.

Well, yeah, I thought I would.

How's your girlfriend?

What?

Are you still with your girlfriend?

That's none of your business.

Yes or no?

Yes, but it's not as simple as that.

Then I thought I'd made it clear.

Don't mess Sarah around.

I'm not gonna mess Sarah around.

She deserves better.

She deserves you, you mean?

No, it's not about me.

Isn't it?

No.

Whatever.

Just do what you think is best for Sarah.

All right?

Hi, Carol.

Hello, Frank.

I heard you were two pounds seventy-eight short.

Well, it gives us something to aim for.

I have counted it twice.

I think that there's three pounds 12 in there.

Keep the change if you want.

Oh, Frank, I can't take that.

Of course you can, Carol.

Please.

I'd like it if you would.

Oh, Frank, thank you!

It's no problem.

Any leftovers?

End of the room, Frank.

End of the room.

I like your hair, by the way.

It's all the rage.

You look a bit like Sharon Osbourne.

Have you seen John?

No, why?

No reason.

I just haven't had a chance to speak to him yet.

Oh, well.

Can't have it all.

Will you stop saying that?

Hey, Ava!

Hello.

Hey.

Sorry. I'm late, did I miss you play?

Oh, no, only the first song.

Oh, good, I'm so pleased.

Caterpillar?

Thanks.

Oh, are you singing too?

Richard says you used to play together.

No.

Think those days are over.

Did you find your capo?

Oh, yeah, it was in my car.

I'll see you after this set.

In his what?

I think he said in his car.

What car?

His car?

Richard got his car?

Yes, it's outside.

He never said.

Oh, well, he has one.

It's just he never said.

♪ Drinking in the morning sun ♪

♪ Blinking in the morning sun ♪

He's really good, isn't he?

Yeah.

He's pretty much the best.

This champagne is delicious.

All right?

All right.

No, I mean are you all right?

Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be?

♪ I can only think it must be love ♪

Did you know about them?

I had my suspicion.

It's great.

It's really great.

Let's go on a road trip.

Steady on, Thelma.

Come on, you need a holiday

and I might be dead this time next year.

Chloe, you had a dodgy smear test.

You are not on your way out yet.

Come on.

Carpe diem!

You can bring you writing with you.

Where do you wanna go?

Well, did you know,

if you go west off the coast of Ireland,

you get to New York.

Nice!

Where do you get if you go west from here?

Penarth.

Let's not do that then.

Let's definitely go somewhere.

Okay.

Good one.

Excitings!

Excitings!

[singing continues]

♪ It's looking like a beautiful day ♪

♪ So throw those curtains wide ♪

♪ One day like this a year would see me right ♪

♪ Throw those curtains wide ♪

♪ One day like this a year would see me right ♪

♪ Throw those curtains wide ♪

♪ One day like this a year will see me right ♪

♪ For life ♪

♪ Throw those curtains wide ♪

♪ One day like this a year would see me right ♪

♪ Alive ♪

[dial tone rings]

Hi, this is John Streatfield, leave a message.

He left about ten minutes ago.

Oh.

Course he did.

Nan?

Yes, love?

Can you have it all?

Darling girl.

That is the least you are entitled to.

But maybe not all at once.

[cheering]

Thanks, Nan.

Come on!

♪ When I grow up ♪

♪ Well, I know, I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be a man who goes along with you ♪

Well, Carol?

What now?

I've absolutely no idea, Stanley.

Drink?

[she gasps]

♪ And I would walk 500 miles ♪

♪ And I would walk 500 more ♪

♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles ♪

♪ To fall down at your door ♪

♪ When I'm working ♪

♪ Yeah, I know I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you ♪

♪ And when the money ♪

♪ Comes in for the work I do ♪

♪ I'll pass almost every penny on to you ♪

♪ When I come home, when I come home ♪

♪ I know I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you ♪

♪ And when I grow old ♪

♪ Well, I know I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you ♪

♪ And I would walk 500 miles ♪

♪ And I would walk 500 more ♪

♪ Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles ♪

♪ To fall down at your door ♪

♪ Da da da dun ♪

♪ Da da da dun ♪

♪ Da da da dun ♪

♪ Da da da dun ♪

♪ When I'm lonely ♪

♪ Yes, I know I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you ♪

♪ When I'm dreaming ♪

♪ Yes, I know I'm gonna dream ♪

♪ I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you ♪

♪ And when I come home ♪

♪ Yes, I know I'm gonna be ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the man who's coming home ♪

♪ With you ♪

[cheering]

♪ And I would walk 500 miles ♪

♪ And I would walk 500 more ♪

♪ Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles ♪

♪ To fall down at your door ♪

[singing continues]

♪ And I would walk 500 miles ♪

♪ And I would walk 500 more ♪

♪ Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles ♪

♪ To fall down at your door ♪