Original subtitles

[chiming]

Lousy exhaust fumes. Must be going to my head.

What the heck you think you're doing sneaking up on me like that?

Didn't mean to startle you, sir.

I'm a traveling salesman, you see. New here in town.

Oh, look, I'm not interested in buying any slicer-dicers.

Just move it along, buddy.

No currency required. No payment do I need.

Satisfaction completely guaranteed.

I told you, ...

Oh, now that you mention it, there is something I'd like.

A little peace and quiet.

Oh?

I gotta shout so much around here,

sometimes I get sick of the sound of my own voice.

As you wish.

A pleasure doing business with you.

[theme music playing]

♪ If there's something strange ♪

♪ In your neighborhood ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ If there's something weird And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ If you're seein' things ♪

♪ Runnin' through your head ♪

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ You know bustin' Makes me feel good ♪

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

[pensive music playing]

All these exposed wires are a fire hazard, Egon.

Yes, well, I'll insulate them later. I've almost got this thing licked.

Leave it to Egon to be the first person ever to burn down a firehouse.

[Eduardo] Oh, man.

I got a C-minus in existential philosophy.

I really studied for this one.

I read where Thomas Edison failed science.

Yeah? So you're saying I remind you of Thomas Edison?

No, one of his inventions. The dim light bulb. [laughs]

Hey, I'm no dim light bulb.

I got a hundred watts of power in every brain cell.

What's that about?

None of your business.

Chill, wasn't snooping. I'm talking about those blood stains.

You spill some of your midnight snack?

Those aren't blood stains.

Pagan knocked over a glass of grape juice, if you must know.

I thought cats were supposed to be graceful.

And I thought college students were supposed to be bright.

I guess some stereotypes just don't hold up to scrutiny.

What did I do?

Well, let's see.

You insulted her cat, peeked at her journal,

and called her a vampire.

-Other than that... -Yeah, well--

Guys, Egon wants you to see something.

[belches]

It's a synthetic ecto-imaging program.

As you know, it's impossible to photograph a ghost.

But with this equipment, we can effectively synthesize an image

of a paranormal being based upon its trace ecto-energy residue.

Ghost photos. Just what I want to carry in my wallet.

Earlier, I fed in the P K E. readings of an ectoplasmic entity.

Observe.

[screams]

That's me?

It's okay, Slimer. The camera always adds 15 pounds.

[gibbers]

It's kind of fuzzy.

Hey, let me show you guys something I picked up in computer graphics class.

-No! Don't touch anything! -Whoa!

-My data! -[yells]

[yells]

[telephone ringing]

Ghostbusters. We snatch them, we catch them.

-Hey, it was an accident. -Yeah? Well, you're a walking accident.

-What is it? -A janitor at Grand Central Station.

He says you gotta see it to believe it.

-You get a statement? -You've got to be kidding.

Excuse me, can we talk to you?

[gasps]

Apparently not.

Here.

"A salesman did it. Help me, please.” A salesman?

Available for a limited time only.

You won't wanna miss this special offer.

Can I interest you in a little something?

No, thanks. As you can see, I've pretty much got everything I need.

Mm-hm. But do you have everything you want?

You see, I'm not your typical salesman.

What I have to offer is rather unique.

No currency required. No payment do I need.

Satisfaction completely guaranteed.

Well, there is one thing.

It's silly, I know, but I'd like to be young again.

Yes, I think I can accommodate you.

[woman screams]

No!

And all I wanted was to look young again.

Definitely the work of the spectral being that attacked the conductor.

We're bringing in the trace matter for analysis.

There's no time.

Janine has just informed me of several calls indicating recent activity

in the vicinity of Central Park.

[salesman] No currency required. No payment do I need.

Satisfaction completely guaranteed.

Yeah? Well, there is one thing I wouldn't mind having.

That guy over there with the pretty girl, I'd sure like to have his looks.

An excellent request.

[gasps]

What's happening?

[man yells]

[woman] Oh, that poor man.

-Excuse us. -Step aside, folks.

[in unison] What the...? What's happening to me?

Oh, man.

-What's happening to me? -What is that thing?

It's called a P.K.E. meter.

You're under the sway of a class-six spectral transmogrification.

-Help! -Help me!

Relax. We see it all the time.

What are you talking about? We never see anything--

-Can you tell us what happened? -A salesman.

I don't know what this guy's selling, but he's getting terrible word of mouth.

Scientists coming through.

Satisfaction completely guaranteed.

You know what I'd really like? To reconnect with my family.

You know, get back to my roots.

Yes, what a lovely sentiment.

Huh?

[groaning]

Help me.

[all yelling]

[Kylie] I'm picking up something strong.

Whoa.

What is this?

Somebody, please.

Don't tell me. A salesman about yay tall?

All I said was I wanted to get back in touch with my roots.

This ghost apparently takes people's wishes

and twists them into something horrible.

It's giving me the creeps.

Guys with two heads, old ladies with baby bodies.

And now Mr. Chia Pet here.

Maybe we ought to go back to the firehouse, see what Egon says.

Me, I'm gonna find this salesman and kick his Willy Loman behind

ten ways from Tuesday.

If you're scared, then leave.

Hey, nobody said anything about scared.

What? Look out!

[yells]

[Garrett] Nice going, bud.

You just saved the Big Apple from a major snack attack.

I take back what I said earlier.

You're not an accident. You're a disaster.

What, are you kids insane?

We're Ghostbusters, dude. It was an honest mistake.

Well, I hope you got a good lawyer 'cause it will be an expensive mistake.

I'm getting a cop.

You believe this?

Now we gotta wait around, probably fill out all kinds of forms.

Uh, I need to get these readings back to Egon.

I'm handicapped. I go where the big guy goes.

I gotta go feed my cat. Pagan gets real hungry this time of day.

Yeah, thanks for nothing, guys.

"Pagan gets real hungry this time of day."

[salesman] Hey, friend, you look troubled.

A shame the way your pals deserted you.

Yeah, well...

Better get out of here. There's a crazy ghost on the loose.

Ah, I guess that's why the park is so empty all of a sudden.

Uh, I'm from out of town.

Any idea where folks go on a Sunday afternoon?

I don't know. Lots of people hit that flea market over on 63rd.

Oh, yeah, a flea market.

Well, thanks for the tip.

Anything I can do for you?

Yeah, get Kylie to quit disrespecting me.

She treats that cat of hers better than she treats me.

Mm-hm. You want it, you got it.

You. Hey!

[groans]

Where am I?

Oh, man, I'm in Kylie's bedroom.

-[lock clicking] -Uh-oh.

Busted. What do I do? I'll just tell her the truth.

I met the ghost, and he zapped me here.

Yeah, right. Like she'd ever believe that.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you, sweetie.

You are?

-Did you just call me sweetie? -Give Mama a big kiss.

No!

[yelps]

[pensive music playing]

[meowing]

Why are you acting so weird?

[Eduardo] You try waking up with four paws and a tail,

you'd be acting weird too.

Hey, doc, you speak cat.

Listen. You gotta give me something to change me back into a person.

[meowing]

Ah, I think I know what's wrong.

All right. He understands me.

Worms.

What?

Some antibiotics ought to help.

Oh, man. No. No. No!

[Eduardo meows]

These P.K.E. readings you took should be able to give us

an excellent synthetic image of the entity we're dealing with.

[Eduardo meowing]

Something wrong with Pagan?

[Eduardo] Yeah, he's got a person trapped inside him.

I'm kind of worried about him. He hasn't been himself.

I'm kind of worried about Eduardo. He isn't back from the park yet.

I hope that truck driver didn't have him arrested.

Maybe he's dead.

Hey, that's my line.

I'm getting an image.

[Kylie] Pagan, no!

He's pulling an Eduardo.

Bad kitty.

I am Eduardo! Look at the screen!

That's weird. Two different entities seem to be showing up.

[Egon] What you're seeing is the demon's essence

overlaid with the way he manifests himself in human form.

In this case, as a salesman.

Two, two, two ghosts in one.

I'll check the spirit-guide database.

"Duophanes, a demon originating in ancient Greece.

He reappears briefly every few hundred years

in various guises, granting wishes."

Then twisting the wishes into something horrible.

Sounds like we don't have much time before this twisted Santa leaves town.

-And if that happens... -Everything will stay the way it is.

What? No way I'm staying this way.

Pagan.

Isn't that cute? It's like he's spelling out a word.

[meows]

"I am Eduardo."

[gasps] Oh, no. Please, it can't be!

The salesman must have gotten to him.

Ugh. I don't even wanna think about what he wished for.

Get out of my cat! We've gotta find the ghost, fast.

You said it, sister.

Let's roll!

You can ride with us, but no clawing the upholstery, all right?

[chattering]

Yeah, man, you know what I wish?

That I was made of money like some of them rich folks.

As you wish.

[Garrett] I'm getting zero readings.

The salesman could be anywhere in the tri-state area.

Seems like he's drawn to places where there's lots of people.

Oh, well, that narrows it down.

[meowing]

You gotta use the litter box, Eddie?

Hey!

"F-L-E-A" He's got fleas? Stay away from me!

No, you idiot.

"Flea market."

[Roland] There's that big flea market on 63rd.

[tires screeching]

[woman] No, that's mine!

[Kylie] Oh, we may be too late.

[beeping]

He's still in the area.

[man] Two hundred dollars for a lizard and a bird.

Your grandkids are gonna love them.

No payment do I need.

[sighs] If only things would be like they were in the old days.

[Kylie] Stop! Don't ask for anything!

[roaring]

[crowd screaming]

Worse.

[roaring]

[dramatic music playing]

Houston, we got a problem.

That's because it's not an ectoplasmic entity. It's real.

I got an idea.

[screeching]

Yeah! Godzilla is down for the count.

[screeches]

[Kylie yells]

[Eduardo] Pick on somebody your own size.

[screeches]

[grunts]

You okay?

Yeah.

Thanks, Pagan.

"Thanks, Pagan"?

Oh, it looks like we lost our guy.

We can pick up his trail from the Ecto-1.

[siren wailing]

[Kylie] P.K.E. emanations leading to the Midtown area.

He's heading for Grand Central.

We can't let him leave town.

If he does, everything will stay the way it is.

Eww.

You think I wanna stay like this? I hate tuna.

[gagging]

And I think I'm getting a hairball.

I told you never to talk to strangers!

[dramatic music playing]

[siren wailing]

[Roland] Only way to defeat this ghost

is to think of a wish that can be used against him.

How about I wish this never happened?

Yeah, right, and he'll make it so we never existed.

There he is!

Uh... Shouldn't he be squirming in agony about now?

You wish.

That human form he's in, it must act as some kind of shield.

And plan B is?

That way. Down there.

Let's spread out.

[pensive music playing]

Here, ghosty, ghosty.

[salesman] It's not often anyone summons me.

Yeah, well, I'm on to you, pal.

And save your sales pitch, 'cause I'm not buying.

Won't you at least take a look?

[crowd cheering]

The NBA.

You wanna be turned into a basketball?

I'll bet you always dreamed of being in the Ivy League, eh?

Right, ivy as in house plant! Don't listen to him, either of you.

[salesman] How about you, young lady?

Surely there's something you'd like.

A reunion, perhaps?

[Kylie] Grandma Rose.

-I wish... -[meows]

[Eduardo] Snap out of it, you jerks!

Pagan's right, you guys. We can't fall for this two-bit peddler.

Yeah, that suitcase is nothing but false advertising.

Where'd he go?

We're on the wrong platform. Look!

[dramatic music playing]

[meows]

Eduardo, get back here.

Forget the kitty. We got a ghost to bust.

If he hurts one hair on Pagan's head...

Wait, I wish...

No, that won't work.

That's it. I wish you would not grant me this wish.

What was that?

I wish you would not grant me this wish.

I don't get it. How can he grant the wish by not granting the wish?

-If he grants it, he can't not grant it. -Exactly.

[groaning]

[roaring]

Hey, dude, I got a wish for you. I wish you were toast.

Throw the trap!

[pensive music playing]

Pagan, I'm so glad you're back.

That was great, the way you came up with that plan to defeat the ghost.

So, dude, what was it like being Kylie's cat?

Educational.

He told me lots of things about her.

Uh... What kind of things?

Hey, Pagan's the smart one. Why don't you ask him?

[spooky music playing]