All language subtitles for Benidorm.Is.Murder.S01E05.1080p.HDTV.H264-DARKFLiX_track4_[eng]

How many beds?
One, two, three, four, five.

25.
No, no, no, no, that's for me.

OK.

Dad, you seen this?

Hey.

Thank you.

SHE CRIES

What happened?
Are you all right?

CHATTER

Ooh.

Come on, Mick.

Mick!

What you doing?

Mick, come on.

SHE GASPS

PHONE BUZZES

Just speak to Tiff, please.
She's called about a thousand times.

She can just leave a voicemail.
A voicemail? Ha!

"Please leave a message
after the tone." Beep!

No-one leaves voicemails any more.

Here we go.
Picture round for the quiz.

May I present football grounds
of the 1970s.

Ooh!

Dennis, this only appeals
to boring men over 50.

I know that one.

DENNIS SIGHS

Yeah, maybe just do
flags of the world?

That's better (!)

TRAVIS:Dennis! Call an ambulance!

THEY PANT
Oh, God.

Oh, my God.
What's happened?

Er, he went to sleep on the lounger,

and then Caz goes to wake him up,
and he's not breathing.

He's all grey like an old sock!
Oh, my God!

Right, let's all just calm down.

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!

Call an ambulance.
Why didn't you call an ambulance?

We thought cos you were in the
police, you could mouth to mouth?

Call an ambulance.
OK.

SIGHING
I'm gonna vom.

What's he been eating?
A chicken Kiev.

Told him he should've had something
light like a jacket potato.

Have you got one of them
"deflabulators"?

Defibrillator.
"Defibillator".

Defibrillator.
"Defibillator".

Jesus wept, Travis.
Listen to me - defibrillator.

It doesn't matter!
Dennis, can you please do something?

No, I'm sorry.

From what I can tell,
Mick died a few hours ago.

OK, ambulance is on its way.

He had a little bit of trouble
with his heart last year.

When you say
"a little bit of trouble"...?

Quadruple bypass.
Hm, I see.

Doctors told him he needed
to change his lifestyle,

but Mick didn't like
being told what to do.

When did you realise
something was wrong?

Not till we were leaving.

Mick always had a long sleep
after lunch.

He'd put his hat on his face,
you know, to keep the sun off.

I should've known
cos he wasn't snoring.

Thanks.

Ah, you're good.

Oh, erm, Mum,
would you like a drink?

Oh, no, Lauren, I couldn't.

All right, I'll have a vodka tonic.

Double.

CHATTER

HE CHUCKLES
So, flags, huh?

You like flags? I like flags.

Yeah, flags are kind of my thing.

When all my friends
were at the skate park,

I was at home, looking at flags.

That's so impressive.

Yep. I used to do
backstreet flag battles,

you know, like Eminem in 8 Mile.

Test me.

All right, then, Rain Man.

What do you make of that?

JESUS CLEARS THROAT

CLEARS THROAT
RHYTHMICALLY

RAPS:Oman, Ghana, Malaysia
Denmark, Vietnam, Finland

Iceland, Ireland and Chad, bitch!

Yeah, she's gone.

PHONE BUZZES

You know these families?

Yeah, they've been in all week.
Nice people.

SHE SIGHS
Very sad.

Why did you call me?

Something's not right.

You think they look
recently bereaved?

People grieve in different ways.

Something's not right.
They don't look sad enough.

You know what this is like?
Some obscure '90s detective drama?

Dalziel And Pascoe,
series nine, episode three.

Thought so.
They are in shock.

In a few hours' time,
it will hit them.

Jesus!

Oh-ho-ho!

# I know that I, I
Will never fall in love like this

# Darling, now I know for sure

# But the music breathes me in

# I surrender to this... #

You have to promise not to gloat.
I don't gloat.

The pathologists want to keep
Mick's body in for more testing.

They think
he may have been poisoned.

Hey, Google,
what does gloating look like?

What kind of poison?
They're still testing.

So, oat milk latte
and a builder's tea?

Come on.

You're saying these people have been
in your pub a lot this week?

Did you notice anything strange?
No, they just seemed a good laugh.

Although a few hours
before Mick died,

Travis came in in a bit of a state.

Pint, please!

Ugh!

Ugh!

'Then he came back in
a few minutes later

'carrying the glass,
which was now full again.'

You all right, Travis?

Full with what?
What do you think?

Er, Lauren's got stung
by a jellyfish.

You know, weeing on a jellyfish
sting does nothing, actually.

I learned the hard way.

Two households,
both alike in dignity,

in fair Benidorm,
where we lay our scene.

Why are you talking like that?
It's Romeo and Juliet.

Two young lovers,
two different families.

No, it's not.

It's a fat bloke
who ate a chicken Kiev and died.

You can't say that.

It's chicken "Keev".

Early postmortem results suggest
Mick died from some kind of poison.

Thy drugs are quick,
thus with a kiss, I will die.

Maria wants us to go to their hotel,

talk to the family,
see if there was anything going on.

Mercy but murders,
pardoning those who kill.

CLEARS HIS THROAT

When do you wanna go?

Er, in about 90 minutes
plus stoppages?

SHE SIGHS

You always did wear
too much perfume.

Hello, Dennis.
Hello, Tiff.

How are you, love?

Are you happy?

I'd say I'm as happy as I've been
in the last 37-and-a-half years,

which is about how long...
Yeah, I got that, Dennis.

Good. I'm happy you're happy.

You look happy.

Happy belly.

I'll give you some advice, though,
darling - lose the facial hair.

You never could grow a moustache.
Not as well as you.

Yeah, well, that's all gone now.

I've had a full-body laser.
I am bald from the eyebrows down.

Two grand.
Eddie pay for that, did he?

We bought it for each other
as a moving-in present.

He's had it done as well?

Mm-hm. You should see us
in the home Jacuzzi -

like a couple of boiled eggs.

SHE CHUCKLES

So, this is the pub.

Have you got a cleaner?
We don't need a cleaner.

There's a dead mouse by the bins.

Hello.

So, what are you doing here, Tiff?

I need your signature.

The divorce can't go through
without it.

You came all the way here to get me
to sign the divorce papers?

Well, the solicitor sent them,
and they got nothing back, so...

Still turning up unannounced.
Unannounced?

Dennis, I've called you
God knows how many times.

Leave a voicemail.
No-one leaves voicemails any more.

Told you.

Just sign the papers,
and I'll leave you be.

Well, obviously, I'm gonna have
to have my lawyer look this over.

What's this?
Divorce papers.

I can change.

You may as well just go home.
He's a slow worker.

Rosa, vamos.

Don't be like this, Dennis.
Kiss my hairy ass.

So, this guy Eddie stole your wife,
and you had to leave the police?

He wanted me out, and he made it
look like I was planting evidence.

And you let him get away with that?

I had no choice.
I couldn't prove it.

Would you ever do that?
Plant evidence? No!

Not even if you knew
someone was guilty

and they were going to get away
with it if you didn't? No.

But if it was the right thing to do?
No, Rosa. That's summary justice.

It's wrong,
and it's against the law.

"The law is not always justice,
and justice is not always the law."

You know who said that?
Yeah, Shakespeare.

No, it was Miss Marple, so...
HE SIGHS

Hey.

How are you holding up?

I'm a mess.
Lauren's been in bits all morning.

It must have been a real shock.
It was a bit of a shock, yeah.

It's knocked Trav about a bit.

Found a euro.
Well done, son.

You've known Mick a while, Colin.
What was he like?

He was a character,
weren't he, love?

What?
Your dad.

Stepdad. He was a bit
of a character, wasn't he?

Yeah, massive... character.

When you guys were at the pub,
he seemed super generous.

You know, always buying the drinks.

He was flash.

Dad...
Well, he was, though, wasn't he?

He was, to be fair.

He's got an Evoque.
Mint, innit, Dad?

It's all right.
Would you say Mick was rich?

Yeah, loaded.

He sold his scaffolding company
last year,

so he was, you know, comfortable.

We were comfortable.

Kept you in your gels, didn't he?
Er, I paid for these myself.

Every two days,
she's changing her nails like that,

even though the nail polish remover
sets off her eczema.

Oh, my God, Mum,
stop talking about my eczema!

It's none of my business,

but is Mick leaving behind
a lot of money?

Two hundred grand.

He kept it in a bag for life
in the airing cupboard.

How'd you know about that?
Lauren found it.

She, er... She used to borrow
the odd note to pay for her nails.

Presumably,
that'll all go to Caz now?

You can finally get
that caravan now, Mum.

No, I don't want that caravan
without your dad.

Stepdad.

Did you ever have a case
you thought you might not solve?

No.
Seriously?

You never had a case where
there just wasn't enough evidence?

No. There's always enough evidence
if you look hard enough.

I normally found it
at the bottom of a pint glass.

You think the poison
was in his beer?

No, I'm saying if I drank enough,
I'd normally come up with an answer.

Anything?
Nope.

I think this might be
a two-pint problem.

That was your third.

So, sometime - we don't know when -

someone - we've no idea who -

put something - we don't know what -
into Mick's food.

Or drink.
Or drink.

This is going well, isn't it (?)
Hm!

You want to know about the dead man.

Not really much one for small talk,
are you?

You know the dykes?
The dykes?

In the Netherlands, we built
the dykes to keep the sea out, yes?

Before the dykes, every day,

we live knowing that
the sea's trying to swallow us.

This is why we don't do small talk.
We don't have time for that shit.

So?

I don't know anything
about how the man died.

But I do know there were
no jellyfish in the sea that day.

You know that?
Yes. I see everything.

All right, Jesus?

You spoke to El Dorado's?
Que?

The restaurant
where Mick had his last meal.

Did you get anything?
Fanta.

I meant information.
Oh, no, nothing suspicious.

The girl, Lauren, she arrived first
and ordered everyone's food.

Apparently, she got
some of the orders wrong.

Mick wanted steak, not chicken Kiev,
but he didn't really care.

He ate it anyway. Pim, pam, pum.

What he ate is not important.

They tested his stomach contents.
There was no poison in it.

What about the hat?
He had that over his face.

They tested that
and all his other belongings.

They are all clean.

I was going to take it all back
to his family, but...

..here - you're burning.

I don't burn.

It wasn't in his food?
No, nor any of his belongings.

Not his sun tan lotion or his vape.

The jellyfish!

You can't use a jellyfish
as a deadly weapon.

Hm. And anyway,
there were no jellyfish that day.

So, how was he poisoned?
HE SIGHS

Don't look at me like that.

It's my job
to ask rhetorical questions.

Want to know what I've been doing?
Not really.

I've been doing
some excellent detective work.

What did you notice
about Colin's tattoos?

They're crap?

One of them is a clock
with no hands.

You know what that means?
BOTH:He went to jail.

I hate it when you do that.
TV PLAYS

What did he go to jail for?

Armed robbery, car theft, assault.

He did eight years behind bars.
Hm.

Naughty, naughty.
Suspect number one, yes?

We should talk to him.
I've just sat down.

Stand up again.
Can't I just watch the tennis?

No, not if you cannot see it.

That's annoying.
You're annoying.

HE SIGHS
Stupendo!

I'll speak to him. You find Lauren.

She was stealing from her dad.
Stepdad.

You should wear a hat.
You're burning.

I don't burn.

From him.
Quick game?

You got a habit of turning up
out the blue.

I'll be straight with you, Colin -
still help out the police a bit.

So, it's a police issue, is it?

Might be.

And you came to talk to me
cos I got previous.

Fair enough.
I was a proper dodgy bastard.

So I heard.

And that's just the stuff
I got nicked for.

So, why'd you do it? Drugs?

Nah, just couldn't be arsed to work.

I look at my boy now,
I'm ashamed of myself.

He works all hours down the tip
for no money.

He never moans.
Seems like a nice lad.

Yeah. He's the best.

I mean,
he's never gonna win Mastermind,

but I tell you, when his mum died,

it was him picking me up
off the floor.

Can you think of any reason
why someone might want to kill Mick?

Mate... I could think of a thousand.

He was not a good man.

Like you?
I was a saint in comparison.

Last Christmas,
Caz got hammered with Lauren,

told her everything.

How Mick wouldn't let her
have her own money,

didn't like her going out
without him.

Couple of times, he hit her.
Jeez.

Yeah, she wouldn't leave him,
though.

Lauren's tried persuading her.

I only agreed to come here for Caz
so she could get a break.

Do you know anything
about how Mick died, Colin?

HE SCOFFS

What, you think I'd tell you
if I did?

You really did go to prison,
didn't you?

Yeah, you should see me
at table tennis.

Is he OK?
Yeah, he's OK.

What's he doing?
Looking for shells.

Is he good at making things?

No, he struggles with Lego,
but I love him for trying.

How did you guys meet?

On holiday. We were 14.

We were pen pals.

You wrote each other letters?
Yeah, actual letters.

Mick wouldn't let me
have a phone, so...

That's so romantic.

What's he hoping to make?

A rattle... for a baby.

Don't say nothing.

We haven't told anyone.

I got loads!
Well done, babe.

THEY CHUCKLE

OK, ladies and gentlemen,

what "D" is the national currency
of Vietnam?

ARCHIE CHUCKLES

Dong.

Why does this all feel wrong?

Yeah, as I said at the start,
it's not like on TV.

It's not always goodies and baddies.

Just sign it, Den.

HE SIGHS

Is it stupid to admit
that I thought you might come back?

You and me, out here...
running this place.

You've burnt.
I don't burn.

You need to put something on that.
You'll start flaking.

Here.

OK. Question number four.

Yazoo reached number three

in the UK singles chart in 1982
with what song?

ARCHIE CHUCKLES

Me and Eddie
are getting married, Den.

I thought
you should hear it from me.

Don't Go.

What?
Yazoo.

Don't Go was their song.

Did you hear what I just said?
Yeah, I heard you.

Congratulations.

You all right?

I'm always all right.

Are you looking after yourself?
How's your heart?

Grand.

You know Carla's not talking to me?

You have to take some of the blame
for what happened.

Some, yeah.

I'll take some.

Bye, darling.

OK. Question five.

How many Rocky films
does Apollo Creed appear in?

ARCHIE CHUCKLES

Hey.

Can I see you?

Yeah, I'll have the patatas bravas
and the garlic prawns, please.

But instead of potatoes,
can I have chips?

And none of that sauce.
OK.

And no garlic on the prawns.

Actually, instead of prawns,
do you just have, like, fish?

So, fish and chips, then?

Yeah, yeah, that would be great.

Thank you.
Great.

Wearing your special shirt?

Er... It was all I had.
It's wash day.

You have a wash day?
Course. Every 29th of February.

So... what have you got?

About the case.
Oh, er...

Well, not a lot, to be honest.

Plenty of motive, but I still don't
understand how he was murdered.

If he was murdered.

Right. Yeah.

You know, I realised I don't
actually know anything about you.

I mean,
are you from around here or...?

What's happening?

We're chatting.

Is this a date?
No, no, no. No.

Unless you want it to be.

I don't want it to be,
for the record,

but I'm a nice guy, so...

Oh, God, it's a date.

It's not a date. I just...

I look at you, and I see someone
who's lonely in crowded room.

And I get it,
cos I've done the job, and...

..it's hard to let anyone
get close to you.

All the shit you take
and the shit you see.

But you need to let someone in.
That's all I'm saying.

You have to let someone in
at some time or...

..or...

..all the important people just go.

Yeah, this doesn't sound
like a date.

No, it's not a date.
Rose for the lady?

It's the wrong flag!
I lived on a houseboat in Gdansk.

I know what a Polish flag
looks like, my friend. Huh!

All right?
Sure.

There was a bit of a row
with the picture round,

but it's only Jesus.

It's the wrong way round, punk.

This way up is Poland.
This way is Indonesia.

You want a chip?
No, it's not, I'm telling you.

Listen. Listen to me.
I've been there.

Oh, it doesn't matter!

Oh, and there's another dead mouse
by the bins.

We'd better put some poison down.

Why? You cannot kill a dead mouse.

It's a curse.

Is it happening?

Oh, it's definitely happening.

What did you say just now?
"You can't kill a dead mouse."

Dennis?

Why is the mouse already dead?

Because there's already poison down.

I know how Mick was killed,

and who by and what with.

And I take no satisfaction from it
whatsoever.

You don't have to do this.
HE SIGHS

Well, it's like you said
at the start...

.."Bad things happen
when good people do nothing."

SHE SIGHS

I don't know who's good
and who's bad any more.

All right, Dennis?
What's this about?

The police say we can't go home yet.

DENNIS SIGHS
Come in. I'll get you a drink.

Thanks.

Thanks.

So, the police
are doing more tests on Mick.

They not sure he's dead?

Oh, sorry.

No. They knew he was poisoned,
and he was...

by Travis and Lauren.

ARCHIE SLAMS
ON PIANO KEYS

Sorry.

Dennis, if this is a joke,
then I'm not laughing.

It's not a joke.

The police knew Mick had ingested
some kind of poison,

and they were testing
to find out what kind, but...

I worked it out.

Lauren, tell me this isn't true.

Your dad tells me you work
down at the tip, Travis.

Kinda place that would have plenty
of rat poison,

and they would have trained you up
on how to handle it,

how to store it,

not to get it wet
or it gives off a gas - phosphine.

Breathe enough of this stuff in,
and it causes heart problems,

so to a man like Mick,
who'd just had a bypass...

..it was always gonna be deadly.

Well, how did he breathe it in
when I didn't?

I've been with him
the whole time we was here.

In the hat.

You knew that Mick
would put the hat over his face

to fall asleep in the afternoon.

Rat poison wouldn't have been hard
to get hold of.

All you had to do
was buy an identical hat

and hide the poison inside,
which you did - here.

You soaked the poison in water,
unpicked the stitching,

stuffed the poison under the lining.

But the police tested that hat.

They tested that hat.

Not this one.

Not a lot of people know this,

but the Union Jack has a right way
and a wrong way up.

I knew that.

The difference is subtle.

But I compared the hat
he was wearing

in the photo when he died
to the hat that was left behind,

and I could see
the flags were different.

You created a diversion.

With the jellyfish sting.
That wasn't real.

Caz, you told me
that Lauren's nail varnish remover

causes her eczema to flare up,
so you put some of that on your leg.

'Went to the water for a bit

'and when you came out,
pretended you had been stung.'

SHE CRIES

That was the diversion.

When everyone was looking at Lauren
making a fuss,

Travis switched the hats.

LAUREN:Mum!
What's happened, Lauren?

I should have worked it out before.

At low levels,
phosphine can smell like garlic.

You knew that, so at lunch,

Lauren deliberately
got Mick's order wrong.

Mick wanted steak, not chicken Kiev,
but he didn't really care.

He ate it anyway. Pim, pam, pum.

Mick thought the faint smell
of garlic was coming from him.

What's he been eating?
A chicken Kiev.

I told him he should have something
light, like a jacket potato.

After Mick was discovered,
it was Travis and Colin

that carried him up the beach
to the pub here.

You were the last one to arrive.

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!

You hung back so that you could
switch the poisoned hat

for the clean one.

Then when you got here, you made
a big thing about feeling sick.

I'm gonna vom.
'But you didn't go to the toilet.'

Instead, you went to the bins
to get rid of the poisoned hat.

If it weren't for the occasional
mice we get out the back,

we probably never
would have found out.

Something in your reaction suggests
that maybe this is only news to Caz?

Well, erm...

..the other day, Trav asked me to go

and get his goggles
from his room, and...

I found a bag of rat poison
in the back of the wardrobe,

so I asked him about it,
and he told me.

He's always been a crap liar.

So I went off at him, of course,
but, you know, he...

..he's my boy.

It was all me.

Honest to God, it was all my idea.

And Travis will do anything
I tell him, you know that.

I brought you up better than that.

We just... I don't know.

Our heads were proper
all over the place.

Look, I did put that hat in the bin.
OK, that's true.

But I did also throw up.

Keeps happening.

I reckon it must be
morning sickness or...

..something and...

Oh, my girl.

Come here. Why didn't you say?

CRYING
I'm gonna be a grandad?

It was a total shock.
I don't know how it happened.

Well, obviously,
I do know how it happened.

We had sex.
Yeah.

I shouldn't be surprised
cos we have a lot of sex...

Yeah, all right, all right, Trav.

Suddenly, we were like, "Oh, my God,
we've barely got nothing,

"and now we're gonna have
a little baby to look after," and...

..we panicked.

And Mick, you know,
he'd had all that heart trouble,

and he was still drinking too much
and eating shit,

and I thought he was probably
gonna snuff it soon anyway, so...

you know, maybe it's not so bad
if we just...

..sped things up a bit.

Cos he was horrible.

Don't say that he weren't, Mum,
cos he was.

You know that he was.

He was a nasty, horrible twat.

LAUREN SIGHS
But...

But obviously, it is bad, innit?

You're asking me
if murdering someone is bad?

Yes, Lauren, it's very, very bad.

Yeah, I know that. I just wanted...
We wanted...

We just wanted
to start a life together.

Hm. As a family.

We asked Mick for help buying
a place, and he just wouldn't.

We're living with Colin
in Trav's old room.

We're about to be parents,

and we're sleeping in a room
with Spider-Man wallpaper.

Can't you just not tell the police
what you know, Dennis?

You're not a copper no more.

They're kids who were just scared
and did something stupid.

DS Hernandez is a good detective.
She'll get there in the end.

What if she doesn't get there?

We kill her as well?
Jesus. No, Trav.

I'm saying what if I tell her
I did it? Hm?

I got a motive - I hated him.

You don't carry on investigating

when someone confesses
to a crime, right?

What are you talking about, Col?

Let me take the rap for this.

No way. You are not going to jail
for my mistake!

I've had a good life.

I've done what I wanted to do.

I married the most beautiful girl
I've ever met.

And I lost her.

I'll be fine in prison.
I've done it before.

You two can have my room,
put the baby in yours.

Keep the wallpaper.

Mum?

Well, if I had the choice,

I'd rather let Colin go to jail
instead of you but...

But you don't have a choice
because I know the truth.

Dennis, please.

Let me do this.

Do you remember I told you
there's a whole list of stuff

they never pinned on me
back in the day, hm?

I stole thousands
they never got back.

As I live and breathe,

if they'd have put me away
for all of the things I did,

I'd still be in inside now,

so you're not putting away
an innocent man.

You're just keeping
a young family together.

OK, what's going on?

Dennis, you text me.
What's this about?

I'll leave this with you.

SNIFFLING

TRAVIS CRIES

You did the right thing.
Not by the law.

I'll visit, yeah? I promise.

But maybe Miss Marple was right -

"Justice is not always the law,
and the law's not always justice."

It's the other way around.

If you're gonna quote Miss Marple,
please get it right.

I just came to say thanks,
and I promise we won't interfere.

With what?

The pub. I know it's your thing.

What are you talking about, Tiff?
Aw.

You didn't read the settlement,
did you?

Eddie.

Denny boy.

It was a 50/50 split, Den.
The pub's half mine now.

Ours, when we're married.
Hm.

So, what's a bloke gotta do
to get a drink round here, eh?

What did I miss?

ROSA:You're having a party?

It's just a little leaving party
for an old friend.

Good to see you, mate.

You've filled my pub
full of gangsters.

They're just businessmen.

Eddie knows these people, Dennis.
They're big drinkers.

You need to go.
I don't need you any more.

I think I might be
in a bit of trouble here.

It walks amongst us.

We've got a problem to deal with.
We're gonna sort it out between us.

ROSA:Call Maria.
I think Dennis is in danger.

Oh, my God, there's a body!