Original subtitles

I am tapping out. It doesn't matter what the outcome is. It's about the journey.

About that extra calories. I don't know if I can keep going on plants alone.

33 has the fish.

That's two more months that I can be out here.

Oh, my God, I got him.

My dip network.

I'm so happy.

When you're out here by yourself, you think about family.

It's so hard.

Time to get up and stoke the fire.

Get the day going.

41 days of keeping the fire going without a fire starter.

Because I banked the fire.

Not burning the firewood all night. Just burying it in coal so that it burns an

entire night.

Nice hot coals in the morning.

Time to get down to business.

I got to conserve my calories as much as possible.

But it takes so much for me to live day to day.

So today I'm going to head down the shore.

And I think I might sit around by the fire down there.

All right.

All loaded up. I'm going to go down and work on the fishing.

I made it, only just.

Took the wrong fire stick.

I don't want to stay going.

It's enough of a breeze that I get my hands wet, and I'm going to be cold in

no time. So I'm going to get the fire going and then check to see if I got a

fish.

This is ridiculous.

Screw it.

I'm all messed up, discombobulated,

heads all ringing.

Does not want to start up.

Man, this blows.

This freaking blows.

I just want to keep throwing a fit about it because I'm just so freaking pissed.

It's so cold down here.

Doesn't that just make a miserable afternoon?

Forgive me for the temper tantrum.

I am hungry and weak.

At this point in the game, I'm just back and forth, back and forth, you know?

Having fun, doing cool things.

Don't want to be here. Want to be home with my family.

I'm kind of going up and down like a bipolar roller coaster.

I got a fish.

I'm going to eat tonight.

Yes, sir.

Man, he really tangled my lines.

Little bastard.

I never should have lifted him out of the water like that. That was so stupid.

I'm so... Not

my day.

Not my day.

That was the dumbest. Why did I... The stupid lines were so tangled, I thought

I'd just swing it over and get him ashore.

There's a better way to mount these freaking poles.

I can't walk in these boots.

I can't walk anyways. I'm freaking exhausted and hungry.

Things are not going well today. Not having a good day.

I just started thinking about swimming in chocolate pudding.

It's so bad I want desserts right now.

Just thinking of dreams about swimming in a dessert. That's how much I could

eat probably right now.

While I'm here, I'll just take a look at these fish traps.

There's a fish.

Crazy. Holy, this guy's a fighter.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my goodness, the fish.

Holy smokes.

What a beauty.

Oh, yes, look at this rainbow.

Well, the fish were feeding last night. Oh, my gosh.

A lot of meat on this fish.

More gills for bait, which is great.

Let's try to keep some of the eggs as well.

This one looks kind of pulled tight, too.

There's a fish. There's a fish just floating there. Oh, my gosh.

Wow, I caught one off this line. I've never caught one on this line.

Two fish in a day. No kidding.

Look at this.

Another fish.

I can't believe it.

So maybe I'm finally getting the hang of fishing.

Oh, my God, you've got to be kidding me. There's a fish out here.

God, another fish.

Yes.

Oh, goodness.

Three fish in a day.

I was not expecting that.

There's a boat going by.

Maybe one of these medical checks.

Yeah,

and the knife as well. Yeah, all the heavy stuff. Like this too.

Yeah.

48.

Those are all cold.

Yeah, I'm back down to like my marathon running weight.

I didn't see that wait for a bit.

I am so happy.

I'm healthy.

I'm so lucky to be here.

This journey just has such a profound meaning for me.

Just putting your own limits to the task, not being completely cocooned.

I'm proud of myself to make it this far.

Food definitely makes things so much better.

Passed out a little bit there.

I'm feeling a whole new level of hunger.

This is also an opportunity to understand that hunger and figure it out

and to be with it.

I'm learning to be okay with hunger.

Back home, I try to do vision quests every six months.

Two or four day vision quests where I won't eat anything and just go outside.

Learn from the land.

I'm finding myself just raw.

Like spiritually raw.

It's like everything.

vibrating i can see like trees breathing it's a

bizarre place all right i'm gonna go

fishing i haven't eaten for a while my body needs nutrition i get that

i mean at this point i have 33 fish fillets dried and smoked

33 halves of fish.

Too late.

I want to save fish because if I can keep eating them the way I've been

eating them, which is one every other day, I could be out here for a long,

long period of time.

Ideally, if I can bring home 10 fish, then I'll actually have some for

Christmas to make some stew.

It's a way to hide things going through costumes.

I can't put those, I can't put 11 fish up my butt.

We'll see.

It's amazing how breathing It'd be so difficult when you don't have a lot of

calories.

I'm gonna move slow today.

Nice and slow.

That serious, like dizzy spell, you know, like just...

I can honestly feel my body just deteriorating.

I think I've lost about a third of my body weight.

I can't sustain myself on the diet that I've had.

I do want to be healthy, and I've got 33 halves of fish.

So it's just... Thinking about just starting to dig into some of those and

just starting to take care of my body.

All right, so the process of my stew, I just got the water to a boil.

Plop the fish right in the stew.

Now that's going to go quick because it's boiling pretty good.

I'll start putting ingredients in.

Mushrooms and stuff.

I like things boiled for a while just to make a really nice broth.

You must boil in the nutrients

into the stew to make a beautiful broth.

Seriously, it's good.

I came out here to go through an evolution.

I want to go to the next step in my own personal evolution.

Out here, I'm learning so much about myself.

I don't want to leave here until I feel really, really ready.

Oh, my.

I needed that so bad.

So people come every once in a blue moon to give you a med check, make sure

you're okay and stuff like that.

Not a big deal.

It's just a safety precaution.

Okay.

This is 409.

Okay, you can put your boots on.

Two down.

Okay.

Do you feel any problem?

No. Good.

Pull everything up. Okay.

Pretty deep with the mouth.

So his body is going to starvation.

So he should go up. No.

I've got food.

I've got food. I can continue to eat.

organ failure.

And so we need to pull you.

No.

I've got food.

I can eat.

I got food.

I have food.

I can continue. I can eat. I can eat higher percentages of the food that I

have. You're too far gone.

It's dangerous for you to stay here.

We're taking you to the hospital.

I wish I would have ate more.

I've got so much food.

I thought, if I store this food, then I have the ability to continue a long

period of time.

But I pushed myself a little too far.

It's frustrating.

I feel frustrated.

I had enough food. I felt...

that I could last two more months.

Being outdoors, playing, learning.

Can't believe that I'm going home.

I feel good at my life at home. Everything's nice and I enjoy it, but

there's moments where there's just something missing.

And being out here,

I feel like I'm living.

Life has a higher resonance.

It's been an honor.

It's been beautiful.

I look forward to using modern technology when I get back. Make phone

calls, Skype and FaceTime with my mom.

Hey mom, here's my shelter.

Here's my fireplace.

Here's where I sleep.

That'd be pretty cool.

Definitely getting tired.

But my focus is to stay busy and keep making things.

I'm just going to grab myself a baddie.

I really want to make a drum.

I'm hoping that I can make a circle for the frame for my drum.

Doing big projects is wearing me down a lot quicker than it did earlier on.

But joy comes from making things.

I'm so thankful for the hive that I found.

I'm using it as a drum beater head.

This is so cool.

Looks like a cow to me.

Skull. I'm a hide.

I potentially could make something out of this still.

This is going to be like my hardware store out here.

As a teenager, my mom was really relaxed about letting me work on hides in the

house.

One time she let me brain tan a deer hide in the bathroom.

I remember having to clean up and sanitize afterwards.

But she let me do it.

Okay. It's a lot cleaner.

That's a lot of content.

I aspired to make a drum.

I aspire to be the last person here.

And my stubborn nature is helping me keep going.

Got a circle.

I'd like to get the hide dried out as soon as possible.

The next step is going to be drum head lacing.

I have a touch of the insomnia last night.

Like the hunger and everything else created like a

strange state of insomnia, euphoria that I couldn't break.

I don't need this.

I feel good now, so I'm going to get up and keep on keeping on.

I never thought that I would spend so much time hungry.

I really didn't.

I thought the baited traps would catch stuff.

You know, I'd have rabbits, I'd have deer, you know, a million different

things.

I thought my problem would be missing home, not starving, you know.

I've been debating on whether to, you know, eat some of these roots.

Plants here in Patagonia are my weakness, you know.

So I'm trying to decide whether I should be saving all those, boiling them, and

eating them, or is that just a risk I can't afford to take?

Without seeing the tops, I don't know if they're dandelion roots.

I don't trust just eating them just yet.

So I'm going to hold out on that.

See if I got a fish.

Wow.

The dock is under like two inches of water.

This is bad down here. I don't even know what to do.

The waves are rolling in. And man, some of them are big.

It's like the ocean today.

I could lose the dock completely.

And then I'd be like up in the trees here, throwing lines out, trying not to

tangle them with the trees as I'm pulling them in.

I don't see anything moving on any of my lines.

This is really a big blow to my fishing capability.

Just not what I need right now when I'm close to burnout, you know?

I think the plan is I'm going to lay a log all the way to the shore, all the

way to the end of the dock, and it'll be eight inches higher.

Yee-haw!

Now I'm feeling that I haven't had anything to eat today.

I'm at the end of my limit here.

Feeling shaky.

Put a lot into getting this log out here.

The dock lines are all rigged and set out the same way they always are, so

there's no reason why they shouldn't catch a fish if they're going to catch a

fish.

So sick of the weak feeling in my muscles and in my legs.

I'm going to continue to go downhill if I don't get more into me for food.

I'm getting quite thin, and I need to work on eating a whole lot.

I feel like if I can get some good animal protein, I could keep going.

Plants have a lot of great nutrients.

I don't know how many calories they have to give me.

Right now, I definitely feel like I'm living each day here as if it could be

my last day.

I have to do some stuff to enjoy my time out here.

I really want to complete my drum.

It's a good inside day.

It's a good inside project.

Go ahead and get all holes punched in.

the holes are in i

got

about 40 to 50 feet of rawhide lacing cut

Sometimes I have to push myself to keep going, to finish it up.

And it feels really good when it's done.

Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I'm still in it, still enjoying being here.

Just really worried that my body's going to be above.

Here we feel this adventure.

There's still a lot I could make out here.

As soon as I know that I have food and calories, I start brainstorming again

about things to build.

You can almost build a hammock, actually.

With branches.

I think this branch might work.

It's nice to actually do things that are a little bit artistic.

I think that's part of half the battle out here.

Just keeping the boredom at bay.

Keeping yourself busy.

So I've cut down five saplings, and I'm just going to cut them to length.

Hopefully they're flexible enough, but sturdy enough to hold my weight, too.

So these will interweave between all the five structural pieces of the hammock.

It'll give it more support.

I have to adapt and stay positive, apply my skill set, and just keep moving

forward every day.

If you have the right mindset, it's amazing what can be accomplished.

I need to find two trees to hang this from.

A hammock made out of paracord and sapling.

See if this works.

This will be relaxing.

Wow!

Ever since the water's risen, I haven't been able to catch a single fish.

This is ridiculous.

I don't know what else to do.

I'm feeling pretty tired today.

I'm really excited about my drum.

I finally got it made.

But you are awesome.

I figured I'd make some sort of noise, but...

Didn't know if we'd make a nice residence or not.

I'm loving being here.

But what do I miss?

I miss having a journal.

So many things that I wish I could write down.

I miss our cat.

I miss Tyler a whole bunch.

I miss all my other loved ones and friends.

I'd love to be the first woman to win.

I wanna be the last person here.

I gotta do a lot of foraging.

Always on the hunt for stuff.

Berries.

Beet.

Let's see if I can find some mushrooms.

I'm a girl that gets excited about fungi.

The mushroom, that is.

Pretty excited about finding these. I thought they were done for the season,

but they're not.

Mmm, it's a good fungus.

I'm going to look for more, see if I can find some more.

Stay there.

Rose hips.

I'm looking for fish, but this will have to do.

The thing about

It kind of takes my mind away from how much I miss my family.

I'm going to be careful with these rose hips.

Each of them have about 20 seeds in them, and they're hard as a rock.

I just woke up. I don't even know what time it is. It's like the middle of the

night, and it's raining hard.

Oh, but what woke me up is I have this pain

in my tooth.

I haven't had pain like that. I don't know when. I don't think I've ever had a

pain wake me up like that in my tooth.

Uh-huh.

It looks like there might be a piece of my back molar missing.

I assume it's from Rose

hip.

Even a small chip in your tooth can just lead to the biggest problem.

I don't have antibiotics.

I don't want to be out here with a jaw infection, that's for sure.

One choppy lake.

Stripped hooks and nothing there. Man, this is starting to really tick me off.

I've always caught stuff again at some point.

And just nothing.

As many times as I've baited in the past, I would have caught at least four

or five fish.

This is ridiculous.

My consistent, persistent effort has always paid off, except for now.

No fish.

Ever since the water's risen, I haven't been able to catch a single fish.

And maybe the chop will slow down.

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know what else to do.

Grubs and roots for dinner.

I know some of these are dandelion roots and some are this other flower that's in

here, and I don't think it's a problem, but...

There's not much to them anyway, but at least they'll give me something to chew

on. I can't imagine it's more than a couple calories.

Let's see if they're tender and juicy.

Tastes like carrots.

Probably should have done that sooner.

I don't know how much it can do for me, but... Oh.

It tastes like carrots.

I'm so hungry.

I don't know how long I can keep going like this.

It is mentally crushing me.

I wish the others would just hurry up and quit.

I want to win so bad.

It tastes like carrots.

Oh, my goodness.

Losing it.

I don't think I've been so tired and so hungry ever in my life.

I have this guilt as a mother leaving my children for a very long time.

Those guys can hardly catch a fish. Being so thin and gassing them down

around 100 pounds.

I got another med check today.

I don't think it's good news.

That's probably where it comes to an end for me.

I gotta get my teeth checked out.

I'm not ready to go home yet.