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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:11,325 --> 00:01:13,075 There you go, Charlie. 2 00:01:13,077 --> 00:01:15,705 - Sorry... - It's fine. 3 00:01:21,169 --> 00:01:27,506 - So, where are you going again, UCLA? - UC Santa Barbara. 4 00:01:27,508 --> 00:01:29,133 Is that where Shawn goes? 5 00:01:29,135 --> 00:01:32,471 No. He goes to Westmont. It's, like, close. 6 00:01:33,639 --> 00:01:35,598 I don't know. 7 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,935 I just wanna get off the East Coast. I, like, need to be in California. 8 00:01:39,937 --> 00:01:41,397 Yeah, totally. 9 00:01:45,526 --> 00:01:47,860 It's cashed. 10 00:01:47,862 --> 00:01:49,488 We should go. 11 00:01:50,573 --> 00:01:52,781 - You can keep it. - Really? 12 00:01:52,783 --> 00:01:55,494 Yeah. I don't need it. I have a ton. 13 00:02:26,454 --> 00:02:31,454 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 14 00:02:45,002 --> 00:02:50,007 - Hey. Do you want this? - Nah. Goodwill. 15 00:02:58,391 --> 00:02:59,976 What about this one? 16 00:03:01,519 --> 00:03:03,853 Yeah, keep that one. She liked it. 17 00:03:03,855 --> 00:03:08,774 Actually, I'm going to take that one back with me if that's cool. 18 00:03:08,776 --> 00:03:10,486 - Sure. - Cool. 19 00:03:27,128 --> 00:03:29,714 Hey. You wanna smoke this? 20 00:03:31,007 --> 00:03:33,924 - I don't think you should be doing... - Oh, my God! 21 00:03:33,926 --> 00:03:39,180 It's, like, not a big deal. Okay? I'm still sober, I promise. 22 00:03:39,182 --> 00:03:42,560 This is the only thing that I do now. Okay? 23 00:03:46,939 --> 00:03:49,064 Okay. 24 00:03:49,066 --> 00:03:52,778 - I'm sorry. - It's fine. I appreciate your concern. 25 00:03:54,822 --> 00:03:56,741 Oh, my God. Look at this. 26 00:03:58,534 --> 00:04:01,162 - It's from my God phase. - Oh, wow. 27 00:04:05,416 --> 00:04:08,167 You know, it was cool she let you do that. 28 00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:13,841 Yeah. She was definitely exceptionally tolerant of me. 29 00:04:44,872 --> 00:04:47,206 You don't know if you could use the money? 30 00:04:47,208 --> 00:04:49,085 It's just weird. I mean... 31 00:04:50,795 --> 00:04:53,671 Do we have to sell it? 32 00:04:53,673 --> 00:04:55,466 We could wait a little while. 33 00:04:57,218 --> 00:05:02,765 Yeah, I mean, we can like, totally wait if you want, but... 34 00:05:04,141 --> 00:05:06,936 ...I'm definitely not moving back here. 35 00:05:10,147 --> 00:05:15,442 - Did you wanna live here? - Yeah. Maybe. 36 00:05:15,444 --> 00:05:17,238 Really? 37 00:05:20,741 --> 00:05:22,785 That's a super long commute. 38 00:05:44,682 --> 00:05:48,144 Yay! 39 00:05:51,105 --> 00:05:53,232 Fuck. I'm going on my break. 40 00:05:56,027 --> 00:05:58,196 - Do you have a light? - Oh, sure. 41 00:06:00,615 --> 00:06:02,658 Thanks. 42 00:06:10,416 --> 00:06:13,125 I mean, literally, there's not a single server in here. 43 00:06:13,127 --> 00:06:16,629 Could you do that one more time, 'cause I didn't have the camera on, 44 00:06:16,631 --> 00:06:20,174 and I really want to get that. Hang on. Okay. 45 00:06:20,176 --> 00:06:23,469 Bill just wants to drink his beer. 46 00:06:23,471 --> 00:06:26,055 I like that reading. Oh, wait. Here's one. 47 00:06:26,057 --> 00:06:29,391 Hello? Hello? 48 00:06:29,393 --> 00:06:32,937 Do you see me? Hello? Hi, hi, hi. 49 00:06:32,939 --> 00:06:35,397 - Oh! I'm so sorry about that. - Hi! 50 00:06:35,399 --> 00:06:37,316 I can take care of this whenever you're ready. No rush. 51 00:06:37,318 --> 00:06:40,152 No, no. You delivered his beer with the lid still on, 52 00:06:40,154 --> 00:06:42,112 so if you could just pop that off for us, that would be great. 53 00:06:42,114 --> 00:06:43,699 My God, I am so sorry! 54 00:06:44,992 --> 00:06:48,287 No worries. Thank you. Oh, with the lighter. 55 00:06:51,666 --> 00:06:54,252 - That's clever. - Yeah. 56 00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:02,091 - Thank you. - Of course. 57 00:07:02,093 --> 00:07:04,802 Could I get one more strawberry margarita before we go? 58 00:07:04,804 --> 00:07:07,555 But we would like to drink together, though. 59 00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,807 Okay. Right away. 60 00:07:09,809 --> 00:07:11,976 - So sorry, again. - No, thank you. What was your name? 61 00:07:11,978 --> 00:07:13,686 - Dana. - Dana. Thank you, Dana. 62 00:07:13,688 --> 00:07:15,398 Of course. 63 00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:20,776 - You should have recorded that. - Come on. Being a server's hard. 64 00:07:20,778 --> 00:07:23,362 - You've never done it, and she's cute. - You could smell the cigarettes on her. 65 00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:26,532 She took like a 12-minute break. What is this, like Ruby Tuesday? 66 00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:28,369 They have excellent bread. 67 00:07:30,288 --> 00:07:32,204 Sarah Michelle! 68 00:07:32,206 --> 00:07:34,584 And I'm keeping this. Thank you very much! 69 00:07:36,002 --> 00:07:37,543 Here she comes. 70 00:07:37,545 --> 00:07:44,383 So this, and the margarita, are on the house. 71 00:07:44,385 --> 00:07:46,260 So sorry, again. Hope you have a good night. 72 00:07:46,262 --> 00:07:49,180 - Could you put that in a to-go box? - Of course. 73 00:07:49,182 --> 00:07:51,017 Thank you so much, Dana! 74 00:07:54,145 --> 00:07:56,937 - Okay, that was nice. - Dana. 75 00:07:56,939 --> 00:07:59,356 Date night. We do it every Friday, 76 00:07:59,358 --> 00:08:04,945 14 years strong, and... it works. Now... 77 00:08:04,947 --> 00:08:06,697 This week, it wasn't a bust. 78 00:08:06,699 --> 00:08:10,409 We went to see Birdman, and finally got to see Michael Keaton 79 00:08:10,411 --> 00:08:12,870 do something more than Batman. 80 00:08:12,872 --> 00:08:14,455 Although I did love him in Mr. Mom. 81 00:08:14,457 --> 00:08:18,167 - Bill, company! Thank you. - I'll get it. 82 00:08:18,169 --> 00:08:22,463 From there we took a risk to a new neighborhood joint, called Gianara's. 83 00:08:22,465 --> 00:08:24,924 And, look, I thought the place was lovely, 84 00:08:24,926 --> 00:08:28,302 but Bill really, he thought it was a little, 85 00:08:28,304 --> 00:08:30,804 spotty in the service area. Hi! 86 00:08:30,806 --> 00:08:34,391 - Hi, how are you? - Dealerista! God, look at those shoes. 87 00:08:34,393 --> 00:08:37,978 Will you please, please tap those toes for me? 88 00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:39,690 Ignore him. 89 00:08:41,359 --> 00:08:43,776 - Peggy Sawyer! - Thank you. 90 00:08:43,778 --> 00:08:47,154 - What can I get for you gentlemen? - You can solve an argument for us. 91 00:08:47,156 --> 00:08:49,031 We're in a fight. Can you please... 92 00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:50,574 - Really? - Yes. 93 00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:53,577 We just wanna see if this tiramisu will take a restaurant review 94 00:08:53,579 --> 00:08:55,496 from a "meh" to a "yeah." 95 00:08:55,498 --> 00:08:59,752 - You can say "no". - I won't turn down a tirami-susie. 96 00:09:04,048 --> 00:09:07,466 - Thoughts? - So-so. 97 00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:09,802 - So, so good. - Ah, see? 98 00:09:09,804 --> 00:09:13,180 You heard it here first, YouTube! 99 00:09:13,182 --> 00:09:15,891 - I don't want my face on YouTube. - No? But... 100 00:09:15,893 --> 00:09:18,686 - Please, no. - No? But you're such a natural! 101 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:21,190 - No. - You're like a young Elliott Gould. 102 00:09:23,818 --> 00:09:27,236 What movie? The flavors are awesome. 103 00:09:27,238 --> 00:09:30,823 The sponge, perfect. I give it five fingers. 104 00:09:30,825 --> 00:09:32,783 Oh, five fingers! Heavens! 105 00:09:32,785 --> 00:09:35,369 Well, thank you! You heard it here first. 106 00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:37,955 Until next time, this is Ted and Bill signing off. 107 00:09:37,957 --> 00:09:41,333 - We'll see you around the campus. - What campus? 108 00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:45,923 - Well? What do you think? - Well, I think it's... 109 00:09:47,383 --> 00:09:50,386 ...sort of unsettling, but maybe that's good. 110 00:09:52,805 --> 00:09:54,515 And he's kind of hot. 111 00:09:58,853 --> 00:10:00,728 I wish he didn't use that voice. 112 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,855 Yeah, I'm not sure that's one's gonna win the Webby. 113 00:10:02,857 --> 00:10:04,398 Well, if you would've played along and tasted the cake, 114 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,817 - it would've been totally cute. - I'm tired. 115 00:10:06,819 --> 00:10:09,069 Ooh, girl, my ass is dragging... 116 00:10:09,071 --> 00:10:11,572 It'll be fine. Just let me find a lighter. 117 00:10:11,574 --> 00:10:13,282 I just need to sterilize the pin. 118 00:10:13,284 --> 00:10:15,576 No, I can do it. You can't even reach the cyst. 119 00:10:15,578 --> 00:10:17,119 - Yes, I can. - You can't reach the cyst. 120 00:10:17,121 --> 00:10:19,496 - Leave it alone. Get back! - Well, just breathe. 121 00:10:19,498 --> 00:10:22,124 If you don't hold still, it's gonna hurt worse... 122 00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:25,211 That's way too much to pay for some fucking splash back. 123 00:10:25,213 --> 00:10:27,671 That's what they cost, and you're calling it a splash back. 124 00:10:27,673 --> 00:10:30,132 - And it's called a backsplash. - Jesus Christ! 125 00:10:30,134 --> 00:10:34,512 Will you please stop breathing down my neck for one fucking second? 126 00:10:34,514 --> 00:10:36,388 I'm not anywhere near your neck... 127 00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:39,975 They always have the neatest flower arrangements on the table, 128 00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:41,519 candles are lit for you. 129 00:10:41,521 --> 00:10:44,563 Oh, and always try and sit in Geoffrey's section. 130 00:10:44,565 --> 00:10:47,858 He is the most spectacular server. 131 00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:49,944 - Jesus! - I'm sorry, what did you say, Bill? 132 00:10:49,946 --> 00:10:52,071 - Nothing. I didn't say anything. - Yeah, you ruined a take. I heard you. 133 00:10:52,073 --> 00:10:54,698 Did you? Talk about Geoffrey some more. 134 00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,535 Oh, my God, you're exhausting. Take a yoga class or something. 135 00:10:57,537 --> 00:11:00,120 I mean, meditate, breathe. Jesus... 136 00:11:00,122 --> 00:11:02,873 I just want us to constantly be evolving. 137 00:11:02,875 --> 00:11:05,668 Evol... Okay. This is not about us evolving. 138 00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:09,630 This is about... all about you wanting to suck Geoffrey's dick. 139 00:11:09,632 --> 00:11:12,216 You know, I want to suck a lot of dicks before I die, Bill. 140 00:11:12,218 --> 00:11:14,593 I don't wanna end up miserable, like my parents. 141 00:11:14,595 --> 00:11:16,470 I don't think it's crazy after 18 years... 142 00:11:16,472 --> 00:11:18,391 So you're miserable? That's... 143 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,324 You put it on your head. 144 00:12:19,076 --> 00:12:22,286 Nah, kid. That thingamajig. 145 00:12:22,288 --> 00:12:24,957 It's a head massager. Come here. 146 00:12:27,793 --> 00:12:29,504 Come on. It ain't like that. 147 00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:33,090 Go ahead. 148 00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:46,395 There you go. All right, have a good one. 149 00:12:56,322 --> 00:12:59,657 You even gotta pay for a baby to be born. 150 00:12:59,659 --> 00:13:01,825 Hospital won't let you leave unless you pay. 151 00:13:01,827 --> 00:13:04,578 Don't be stupid, you can pay in installments! 152 00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:07,581 Or on a credit card, so you could get points. 153 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,250 Or you could pay for it with points! 154 00:13:09,252 --> 00:13:12,169 - You can't pay for a baby with points. - Give me that paper clip! 155 00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:14,423 My brother was born in a parking lot. 156 00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:18,094 Yo, what the fuck! I almost had it. 157 00:13:27,562 --> 00:13:31,730 Three... four... five... 158 00:13:31,732 --> 00:13:34,443 six... seven... 159 00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:37,488 Seven seconds. 160 00:13:45,496 --> 00:13:48,038 One... 161 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,834 two... 162 00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:54,714 - three... - Come on! Y'all are counting too slow! 163 00:13:57,258 --> 00:13:58,718 Shut up. 164 00:14:00,678 --> 00:14:02,180 Seven seconds. 165 00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:08,559 He pissed himself! 166 00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:11,437 - He pissed himself. - Damn! 167 00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:14,567 Yo, man, it's okay. It's okay, it's okay. 168 00:14:27,705 --> 00:14:29,081 Yeah? 169 00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:40,301 No, no, no. No, you... You go ahead. Go ahead. 170 00:14:43,179 --> 00:14:44,597 Yeah? 171 00:14:50,102 --> 00:14:51,479 Stop playing! 172 00:15:33,646 --> 00:15:35,565 Shit. 173 00:15:39,652 --> 00:15:41,277 Mama's coming. Hold on. 174 00:15:41,279 --> 00:15:43,404 - Yo, I'm sorry about the baby. - No. 175 00:15:43,406 --> 00:15:46,115 The sitter, canceled on me at the last minute. 176 00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:48,661 - It's good. It's good, it's fine. - All right. 177 00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:56,208 - She kind of looks like you. - You think so? 178 00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:59,461 I always figured she must look like her daddy. 179 00:15:59,463 --> 00:16:04,717 - Who's her daddy? - Donor X2X00752. Yeah. 180 00:16:04,719 --> 00:16:09,180 I don't know, but they told me that, he got a 1500 on his SATs, 181 00:16:09,182 --> 00:16:13,893 and that he was a cello prodigy, so, clearly, she's gonna be a genius. 182 00:16:13,895 --> 00:16:17,815 She's gonna be our nation's second black female president after Oprah. 183 00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:23,652 So, what about Joey? Seen some pictures on Facebook, yo. 184 00:16:23,654 --> 00:16:26,238 - He looked kind of... - Fat. Yeah. 185 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,240 - What happened? - Diabetes. 186 00:16:28,242 --> 00:16:30,494 Diabetes. Shit! 187 00:16:32,038 --> 00:16:34,872 This is good. I need all this gossip. 188 00:16:34,874 --> 00:16:36,499 You know, I'm a good four years behind 189 00:16:36,501 --> 00:16:39,502 ever since I had to block your whole damn fool family. 190 00:16:39,504 --> 00:16:42,880 You want one of these? We should toast. 191 00:16:42,882 --> 00:16:44,548 - To what? - To what? 192 00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:47,218 Your mama said you got a full ride to the University of Chicago, that's what. 193 00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,303 It's not official, so I don't want to jinx it. 194 00:16:49,305 --> 00:16:51,972 - Pre-law, yes? - Yes. 195 00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:54,475 - That's the plan. - So that's what we'll toast to. 196 00:16:54,477 --> 00:16:58,646 You representing my black ass in a court of law, ASAP. 197 00:16:58,648 --> 00:17:02,691 - Wait, no, I don't... I'm good. - You sure? I got a beer in the fridge. 198 00:17:02,693 --> 00:17:06,737 I'm not supposed to drink 24 hours before, so... 199 00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:10,910 No. No, you are not. Good girl. You're right. You're right. My bad. 200 00:17:12,537 --> 00:17:15,079 Let's get the energy right up in here. 201 00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:18,916 So, your appointment is at 10 tomorrow. 202 00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:23,464 So we should definitely roll out by, like, 9:30, at the latest. 203 00:17:24,549 --> 00:17:27,049 - That's bad luck. - What's bad luck? 204 00:17:27,051 --> 00:17:30,469 - The white ones. - White lighters? Says who? 205 00:17:30,471 --> 00:17:32,682 Says everybody. 206 00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:37,770 Bring it on. I ain't scared. 207 00:17:39,355 --> 00:17:43,315 - And you got to eat something. - My stomach is all like... 208 00:17:43,317 --> 00:17:45,486 Yeah, that makes sense, too. 209 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:55,913 - You smoke weed? - Sometimes. 210 00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:14,305 Is Mo around? You want me to talk to her? 211 00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:16,098 No, I think she's... 212 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,559 like, getting the baby ready, or something, so... 213 00:18:18,561 --> 00:18:21,729 How's her place? Is she... drinking? 214 00:18:21,731 --> 00:18:24,148 - No. - Okay, well... 215 00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:26,066 Tell her I said, "Hey," and give her a hug. 216 00:18:26,068 --> 00:18:28,861 - Okay. - Okay. 217 00:18:28,863 --> 00:18:31,490 - I gotta run to work. I'm sorry, baby. - It's okay. 218 00:18:32,950 --> 00:18:34,992 I'm sorry I'm not there. 219 00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:38,704 But you know what? We're doing the right thing. 220 00:18:38,706 --> 00:18:41,415 Call me when it's done? 221 00:18:41,417 --> 00:18:43,961 - I love you, baby. - Love you, too. 222 00:18:45,338 --> 00:18:48,088 Okay, baby girl. Come on. 223 00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:51,091 All right. Sondra is gonna be here any minute. 224 00:18:51,093 --> 00:18:54,386 Would you please let her in so I can get ready? 225 00:18:54,388 --> 00:18:56,432 Thank you. I'll be right back. 226 00:19:00,061 --> 00:19:02,353 I know, sweet love. Mama's right here. Just a minute. 227 00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:05,316 Hey. Hey. 228 00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:09,737 She just went in there. 229 00:19:12,031 --> 00:19:13,449 Hey. 230 00:19:14,742 --> 00:19:16,283 Do you wanna cry? 231 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,285 - Get down! - I'm sorry, Hailey. I'm almost done. 232 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:21,622 - Down! Down, down, down! - Down? 233 00:19:21,624 --> 00:19:24,959 - Is that Miss Sondra? - It's me! I'm coming in! 234 00:19:24,961 --> 00:19:27,002 - Hey, Miss Sondra! - Hey! 235 00:19:27,004 --> 00:19:29,129 - I'll be right out! - What you all doing to this baby? 236 00:19:29,131 --> 00:19:31,257 - Look at you. What's wrong? - That's my cousin Hailey 237 00:19:31,259 --> 00:19:32,967 visiting from back home. 238 00:19:32,969 --> 00:19:35,845 Hailey, that's Miss Sondra. She's come to save us. 239 00:19:35,847 --> 00:19:38,889 - Oh, yeah! - Thank you so much, Miss Sondra. 240 00:19:38,891 --> 00:19:42,476 We are fed, bathed, pooped, peed. 241 00:19:42,478 --> 00:19:44,520 - She's good to go. - Okay. 242 00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:47,898 Lighter... Thank you so much! 243 00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:50,276 - Say, "Bye, Mommy." - Bye, baby girl. 244 00:19:50,278 --> 00:19:52,905 I'm so sorry. I love you. Be good. 245 00:19:54,615 --> 00:19:58,158 Don't cry. Say "Bye-bye." Wave bye-bye. 246 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,747 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Hurry back, Mom. Yeah. 247 00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:07,837 Yeah. Ooh, yeah. 248 00:20:10,798 --> 00:20:14,008 Sweatshirts, jackets, hats off. Have your bags open. 249 00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:17,136 Empty your pockets onto the table. 250 00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:20,224 - Any weapons, knives, or mace? - Nothing like that. 251 00:20:21,809 --> 00:20:23,477 Okay, go on through. 252 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,564 Go on through. 253 00:20:28,566 --> 00:20:32,276 You don't have to, like, wait with me. You can go do something else. 254 00:20:32,278 --> 00:20:35,237 Girl, please. We gonna get you checked in. 255 00:20:35,239 --> 00:20:37,198 And then I was thinking I'd walk over to Junior's, 256 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:42,745 and get us two big old hunks of the world's most fabulous cheesecake. 257 00:20:42,747 --> 00:20:45,166 Okay. Do you have anything in your pockets? 258 00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:48,836 - Go on through. - Thank you, sir. 259 00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:03,935 She's winking at me. 260 00:21:05,186 --> 00:21:06,562 Yeah, forever. 261 00:21:07,772 --> 00:21:09,357 Let's go, baby. 262 00:21:15,571 --> 00:21:17,406 Hey, man. You got a light? 263 00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:31,295 Shit is tight! Thanks, man. 264 00:22:08,165 --> 00:22:10,293 Thank you. Thanks. 265 00:23:34,595 --> 00:23:39,595 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 19420