All language subtitles for Will and Grace s11e12_English

- "Will & Grace" is recorded

in front of
a live studio audience.

- So Karen invited her
new boyfriend over for brunch.

That's, like, something

a person would do.

- I know,
it's strangely human...

like when a chimp
smokes a cigarette.

- Phil's on his way up.

Grace, fix your tie.
Will, change your dress.

Good Lord, feel my heart.
It's beating a mile a minute.

- Okay, there's one.
Yeah.

- I have never seen you
so excited about a guy.

- Well, I finally met someone
I really like.

You have no idea
how hard it is out there.

All the good ones have
been indicted.

- So, tell us about Phil.

- Charming, sweet,

and he has a remarkable
penis.

It's like an oil rig

drilling until it devastates
everything in its path.

- I--I just meant
what does he do?

[knock at door]

- [gasps] He's here.

Will, put on some lipstick.
Grace, stop mincing.

- Hey, babe.
- Ooh!

He calls me babe.

Hi, babe.
I call him babe.

Will, Grace,
meet Dr. Phil Johnson.

Ooh, what do you think?

- You gotta give 'em
a chance.

I haven't even turned on
my A game.

Will, this is for you.

Karen told me you're
a big, bold, complex guy,

like this cabernet.

- Don't forget fruity
and gives you a headache.

- And Grace,

here's something beautiful
and delicate like yourself.

- Don't forget slightly wilted
and covered in bees.

- Welcome, it's so--

- Okay,
back off desperado.

he's taken.

[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]

♪

- Papi, it's so sad to think
of Miss Coco's closing.

- I know,
it's like a death.

- So what's going
to happen to Coco's?

- Unless someone buys it,
it goes away.

- Just like every other gay bar
in this city.

You know, the Manhole
is now a Victoria's Secret.

- I imagine
there is some crossover.

- Where will
all these people go?

Where will Slutty Steve
get his self-esteem?

What will happen
to Rough Trade Ralph

or Scientology guy?

We can't let all the gay bars
disappear.

Someone needs to buy Coco's.

- Well, why don't you?

- Me?
[chuckles]

Oh no, no.
I am a working actor.

- Papi, did you get a job?

- I'm

working on it.

- No, no, no, no, no.
I like this idea, you know?

Keep it in the family.

Not my actual family.

They're all
Florida gutter trash.

May they get washed away
in the next hurricane.

They should get washed away!

- God, you should buy it.

I mean, I can't be
a flight attendant forever.

At a certain point
these passengers,

they start giving you
this look, like,

"Oh, I got a old one."

- That's crazy.

Where would I even
get the money?

- Just get a loan.
Try the banks.

- Okay, Tyra Banks
is not gonna give me money.

She's never once returned
a DM.

Apparently,
I'm not "Top Model" material.

- Oh, no, no, mi amor.

The banks, like,
this place that has, like,

a bowl of lollipops.

- Oh, a bank.
Duh.

I don't know.

I mean,
me, a business owner?

I mean,
I do have half glasses.

And I have been told I look
important when I do this.

- Okay, Mr. Business Owner.
Where did Mr. Jack go?

- It was just a pencil and
gla--I'm right here.

It's just me.

.

[bright piano music]

- Okay, black coffee for Phil.

Karen, I'm fresh out of blood.
What are you drinking?

- Straight vodka with
just a splash of other vodka.

- Phil, anything else
I can get?

There's a few
mini fritters left.

- Oh, I couldn't
eat another bite.

And by that,
I mean I'll have two.

- [laughs]

Oh, isn't he hilarious?

It's this all day long.
Just back and forth like this.

- So how'd you guys meet?

- Oh, it's a funny story.

- Are you gonna speak for me?

- Oh, I'm sorry, darling.

- I mean, Grace
was looking directly at me.

- Oh, completely
my mistake.

- It's okay,
anyone can take it.

- Go ahead, please.
Forgive me?

- Oh, I forgive.

But I won't forget.
[chuckles]

Uh, we met at the bar
at the Carlyle.

I had just finished a very
difficult heart surgery.

- I thought
you were an OB-GYN.

- I used to be.
I do heart surgery now.

- That's unusual.
Did you go to med school for--

- Will, where did you learn
to cook like this

and stay in such good shape?

I mean, do you work out
three hours a day?

- [laughs]
Three hours?

That would be crazy.

I do two hours
and I eat healthy.

Here's an interesting
thing about me:

I try to keep my proteins

to the size of a deck of cards,

my grains to the size
of a fist,

and then I just load up
on leafy greens.

- That is fascinating.

- Is it?

[timer rings]

- Your fritters are ready,

and I will refrain
from making any fritter puns.

- Thank God.

- Well, why don't you
fritter away and get them?

- [laughs]

[continues to laugh]

Good Lord,
am I dating Chris Rock?

- Okay, let's go back

to how you went from delivering
babies to doing heart surgery.

- Well, there's actually
a lot of crossover.

I mean, sometimes babies
don't come out

from the...clown's mouth

and

you have to get them
from, you know,

the circus tent.

And we call those
"tummy babies."

- All these medical terms.

Oh, whoosh right
over my head.

- Uh, you mean cesarean?

- [laughs]

So I guess
you're the doctor, huh?

both: [laugh]

- Uh, so how many years ago
did you--

- I mean, for real, Will,

you are one of David Beckham's
arms come to life.

Can I get into the gym
with you?

Show me a couple of pointers?

- Well, of course.
I'd love that.

Interesting thing
about me--

you know, a lot of people
do arms every three days.

I do 'em every

two days.

So it goes--
it goes chest, arms, legs,

then back, arms,
then back to chest, arms.

Yes, I skipped shoulders.
You're probably wondering why.

- Let's give them time
to guess.

You called me in the kitchen?

- Oh ho ho...

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ah, ah, ah.

- They are sure to give you
the loan, mi amor.

You look so businesslike.

- I know.

I'm wearing
my three-piece underwear.

Aw, cute little girl.

- Oh, that's my nephew.

He was Lisa Vanderpump
for Halloween.

- We so got this.

- Hi, I'm Ruth.
Sorry I'm late.

I'm going through a thing
with my ex.

We're co-parenting a cat

and he doesn't seem
to understand

that Mayonnaise needs
her medicine every day.

That's all right.

She can scoot her butt
across his West Elm rugs

every other weekend.

- Uh, I'm sorry.
Is now a bad time?

- Oh, no, no, no, I'm good.

In fact,
I have a date this Friday.

My ex hasn't dated
in two years, so...

I win!

- [laughs]

- I've been looking
at your application

and I see
that you're interested

in a small business loan.

- Small, large.

I'm not a size queen, Ruth.

both: [laughs]

- I'm not a big fan
of penis jokes.

- Oh.

Well, then, I am...

Out of material.

- First issue I see here
is your credit.

You don't have any.

- Uh, did you look
at my resume here?

Most of those credits are real.

- It's true, Ruth.
He really was Fat Filipino #2.

- I didn't have
to wear offensive makeup.

The camera was never on me.

- No, no, no.

What I mean is that
we need to be sure

that you can pay us back.

- Okay.
[snorts]

You gonna be that girl, Ruth?

You lend me money,
and then you get all weird

if you see me out to dinner?
[snorts]

- This is a bank.

And--and this bar just
doesn't seem like a good risk.

I mean, is there anything
you can show me

that would inspire
some confidence?

- How 'bout this?

- No, you--you can keep that.

- Hey, papi.

Maybe show her your
PowerPoint presentation.

Ruth,
this is a game changer.

- Good idea, my PowerPoint.
Here we go.

You need to help me

buy that bar down the street

because God as my witness,
I don't have the money.

♪

- I do not trust that guy.

- What?
He's great.

- You keep missing it
when he says weird things.

One minute he's an OB-GYN and
the next he's a heart surgeon?

- Well, that's not so strange.

I mean...
vaginas to angina?

[laughs]

Oh, Phil will like that one.

- I'm serious, Will.

It's like he's a--
[gasps]

Do you remember that podcast
we listened to?

- The one about the reporter
who delved into the

unsolved murder in the South?
- Not that one.

- The one about the reporter
who delved into the unsolved

kidnapping in the South?
- Not that one.

- The one about the reporter
who delved into the unsolved

murder-kidnapping in the South
and then got kidnapped

and murdered himself?

- No.
Phil is Dirty John.

He's Filthy Phil.

I am telling you,
it is exactly the same.

He is a handsome, charming,
controlling "doctor."

- Right, right,
he's--he's Dirty John.

- Oh, my God,
you never listened to it.

I am telling you
this guy is after her money.

This is what they do.

They charm their way into your
lives until they control you.

- Nobody controls
Karen Walker.

- Oh, I dropped my napkin.

- Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
I didn't notice.

- Ah, ah, ah.
Eye contact.

- Oh.

- Hold it, hold it.
Yeah.

Uh-huh, keep going.
Hold it.

- Got it.
[giggles]

- Oh, who's my napkin fairy?

- Me, me, me!
[giggles]

- Okay, that was weird.

.

[bright piano music]

- So Karen, what do you
really know about Phil?

Besides that he's a doctor
of everything?

- What do you mean, honey?

- He seems a little
controlling.

- I know, but honestly, I...

I like being
with a man who takes charge.

For 30 years
I had to tell Stan,

"Put on your dinner tarp.
We're having a red sauce."

- Okay, but--

- No, don't ruin this, honey.
I'm having fun.

And don't worry,
I'm not gonna stop being me.

- Cigarette, babe?
- Sure.

- What, you smoke?

- No, I want him
to think I'm cool.

- What did you guys talk about?

- Well, there may be
a couple of red flags.

He's probably
not a cardiologist

unless there's actually
a heart condition known as

thrombosis expialidocious.

- Oh, I knew it.

- What are you doing?

- I am going through
his wallet.

Come on, keep a look out.

Oh, my God.

He has a credit card through
Nora Nessbaum.

- That's not good...

unless maybe he used to be her.

- Great, he's trans.

Now we have to like him.
- Yeah.

Every credit card
has a different name,

and not one of them
is Phil Johnson.

- Now what are you doing?
- I'm Googling him.

- What are you Googling,
"not Dr. Phil Johnson"?

- No.

New York City, con man,
rich lady, fake doctor.

[gasps]
Oh, my God, there's so many.

- Isn't that your dentist?

- Oh, no.

He gave me nitrous
for everything.

- What are we looking at?
both: [shouts]

- Uh, we are on Etsy.
- Mm.

- Uh, looking
for a crocheted bong cozy.

- Right, 'cause I--I don't want
my weed to get cold, right?

♪

- And then the bank lady
opened the doors

and shoved me roughly
onto the sidewalk

and yelled,
"We don't want your kind!"

- Actually she said,
"It was nice to meet you."

And she offered us a cupcake

from the
branch manager's birthday.

- Well, you did your best,

which is probably why
it didn't work.

- So that's it, huh?

Another gay bar bites the tush.

- But Coco's is more
than just another gay bar.

It's a place
where we all gather.

People like

Half Tom, Half Tammy.

Where will they go?

And Doesn't Know
Where She Is Diane.

And Bummer Bennet,
who's really annoying.

I mean a miserable person
who comes every night

because he knows no one here
will say it to his face.

- Did you just--

- And where Closeted Keith...

Closeted Keith can flirt
with guys

so he has something to think
about on his date with a girl.

- I'll come out
when my mom dies.

- But most important,

Coco's is the place
I first found my community.

I remember
a certain 19-year-old kid

in short shorts
and a Boy George haircut

roller blading in
to use the pay phone.

I walked in right behind him.

And I looked around
and I thought,

"These are my people."

I felt safe.

I was...

I was home.

♪

- So you did some digging?
You know,

I wouldn't believe everything
you see on the internet.

I once clicked on a picture of
that kid from "Jerry Maguire"

and I absolutely could believe
what he looked like today.

- Uh--[clears throat]

so we've heard all about
your doctor stuff.

You're probably wondering
what we do.

Grace is a designer.
I'm a lawyer.

More specifically,
I'm Karen's lawyer.

It's my job
to look out for her.

- Oh, is that so?
- Mm-hmm.

- Well, I sincerely hope

you have someone
who can look out for you.

- What the hell
is that supposed to mean?

- I mean I sincerely hope
somebody looks out for you.

I mean,
everybody should have that.

- You didn't say it
like that.

You said it scary,

like Liam Neeson

before he throws a terrorist
into a wood chipper.

- You know,
I think you misunderstood me,

and misunderstandings
can cause real problems.

- Kinda just did it again.
- No, I did not.

I said, "Misunderstandings
can cause real problems."

I mean, watch any episode
of "Three's Company."

- Phil, I forget--

did you want me to get you
the Tesla 3 or the S?

- Oh, the S, babe.
The 3s are for peasants.

But we have to go.

I have to get to the hospital
but if you leave first,

then I can watch
that sweet ass walk out.

- It's like bible camp
all over again.

Well, it has been wonderful--

oh, I don't have
to do this with you.

- Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

- Um, Karen?
Karen, hey.

Why don't you stay
so we can dish?

- Or I could blow off
the surgery

and we could go back
to your place and have sex.

- You can blow off surgery?

- Oh, yeah.
The, uh, helper girl can do it.

- You mean the nurse?
- Hmm?

- Hmm, do I want to make
conversation

with Will and Grace

or go to the tongue rodeo
for two hours?

Bye, kids.

Yee-haw.

- Hey, Karen.
Karen, please.

Just don't give this guy
a key to your apartment.

- Well,
he's gotta have one.

He's moved in.

- What?
- So fast?

- When it's right,
it's right.

- Karen, say good-bye
to your friends.

You don't know when
you'll see them again.

- Look at that.
Did you not hear that?

- He's right, I don't know
when I'm gonna see you again.

We don't have anything
on the books.

.

- Ruth, if Coco's closes,
where will all these people go?

- Where will they go, Ruth,
the Starbucks in Chelsea?

There is no lock
on the bathroom door.

You both have to hold it closed
with your feet.

Where is the romance, huh?

- I appreciate your passion,
Mr. McFarland,

but I have
to consider the risk.

- Okay.

All right, get out of here,
you big British cigarettes.

Let's go, move it, move it.

- I've never done it
in a bank before.

- Uh, not today, Slutty Steve.

Try liking yourself.

- Look, Jack.
I know this is personal to you.

- I think it's personal
to you, too.

You talk about risk.

What about this little boy?
Think about it.

What happens
when he grows up, huh?

We get rid
of all the gay bars,

where does this sweet little
gay scout find his den?

- You've certainly shown me

that you have
a loyal clientele.

- 80% of every successful
restaurant is return customers.

I did a little gay Google.

I gaygled.

- I am going
to approve this loan.

- Seriously?
Oh my God, thank you.

I can't believe that worked.

[phone line trills]
- It's ringing.

- Honey, thank God you called.

- Why, what's wrong?

- I don't--
I don't know where I am.

It's--it's so dark.

I think I hear a seagull
and a foghorn.

- My God, Karen.
Hold on.

- We're gonna trace this call.

- Ha, ha, busted!

Leave a message.
[voicemail beeps]

- I fell for that yesterday.

- Will, take out your curlers.
Grace, turn off the game.

We need to talk.

I'm getting that you're not
on board with Phil.

- No, we're not.
We don't trust him,

and we don't even think
he's a doctor.

- Hmm.
He said you'd say that.

- He's got a wallet
full of credit cards

in other people's names.

- [chuckles]
He said you'd say that, too.

- Karen, we think
he's only after your money.

- He didn't say you'd say that.

[text notification chimes]

Oh, okay.
Now he said you'd say that.

And he wants ice cream
from one place

and toppings
from another.

So, you two think
that the only way

a man would be interested in me
is for my money?

- That's not what we meant.
- Oh my God, no.

We're just worried about you.

- [scoffs]

You're worried about me,

or you don't want me
to be happy

because you don't have a man
in your life?

I think you're just

Jewish.

- Jewish?
Uh, don't you mean I'm jealous?

- So you admit it.

- Karen,
we just the best for you.

- So do I,
and I think what's best for me

is to have somebody in my life

who loves me and supports me
like Phil.

So if I have to choose
between Phil and you,

well, I'm making my choice
right now.

- So is this how it ends?

- Oh, okay.

♪