All language subtitles for We Only Know So Much (2018)

[Jean] I wanted him.

Do you know
that kind of wanting?

The kind that bears
no analysis?

No thought.
Just pure physical.

My body will have this now.

[panting]

My body is me.
Your body is me.

I become we.

It felt like love.

["My Body My Bones"
by Jim and Sam plays]

It was love.

[James] Oh, hey, hey.
Hold on.

Got something for ya.

¶ Ooh, ooh
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

¶ You strike a match
I light the flame ¶

¶ I'd die for you ¶

-¶ Falling on my weak ¶
-[James] Mott. [claps, whistles]

¶ And willing knees
To the ground ¶

¶ Hands to my chest ¶

¶ You showed me how ¶

¶ The rumbling in my heart
Goes pound for pound ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ My body, my bones ¶

¶ You got me by the spine ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ My body, my bones ¶

¶ Head to my heart
To my waste to my thighs ¶

¶ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

¶ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

¶ I used to jump
On and off trains ¶

¶ I'd never stay ¶

¶ Long enough for them
To know my names on a grave ¶

¶ Tattooed in time
You showed me how ¶

¶ The rumbling in my heart... ¶

Morning, how are you?

Can I have those apples?
Thank you. Those'll be great.

¶ My body, my bones ¶

¶ You got me by the spine ¶

[Jean] I didn't believe
in soul mates. But...

-[produce seller] This too?
-Yeah.

...what we had
felt other worldly

in a way that overtook me

at a time that I wanted
to be overtaken.

But I don't live
in another world.

I live in this one.

-Chrysanthemum floris folium.
-Semper Fi.

I thought
we were shouting things.

No, Theodore,

the Gordon to English
translation here is mums.

Must have been
some line at the supermarket.

It's a hearty little plant,
the Chrysanthemum.

Of course, this time of year

those are the ones
you typically see.

But it's a surprisingly
diverse genus.

I mean, in the U.S., we think
of it as a cheerful flower.

But in some countries, it...

It's entwined with lamentation.
Grief.

And still others,
it represents honesty.

At any rate, they're lovely.

You get them
at the produce market?

[Jean] Mm-hmm.

Well, I could have gotten you
flowers for free from work.

[Jean] I suppose you could have.

Otis, you're getting syrup
on your math book.

The pages will get stuck.

It's fine.
I've already read it.

Well, it'll sink through
to the other chapters.

I read them all.
And I did the assignments.

[Theodore]
Hey, Ot. Check this out.

You're going to like this.

Now, do you know
who Johann Sebastian Bach is?

-Yes, Grandpa.
-Of course he does.

You show him
your commemorative medals...

-[phone beeps]
-...every single day.

-[Priscilla] What?
-[Jean] What is it, honey?

Priscilla,
I have book club today.

So, don't even think
about taking...

-[door closes]
-[sighs]

...the car.

There's nothing
on the calendar about book club.

Hey.

Happy Boss's Day, boss.

Oh.
[chuckles]

Hey, well, bonsai. Fantastic.

You know, um, the bonsai dates
back as far as the early times

of the Egyptian cultures.

Although,
most associate it with Japan

and the concept of wabi-sabi.

Familiar with wabi-sabi, right?
No?

Oh, well, it mostly
has to do with the, um,

I guess the appreciation
of the transience of things.

Um, and on that account,
um, it's kind of surprising

that the bonsai gained any
popularity at all in America,

given our throw away culture.

You're welcome.

[chuckles]

[James]
I was showing my students

how to make blackout poems,

and I realized all these
love poems are about you.

From your body,
time runs inside us.

Night, space, earth passes.

A vague sound.

In your soul joy is born.

With the kiss of love.

-Your breast, your lust.
-[Vivian] Jean,

Theo's gone outside again.

Shit.

Priscilla?
Just forget that guy.

You know I never liked him.
Kyle's a douche.

I saw him talking
to Lindsey Halgerson

at Chipotle last week.

[groans]
While we were still together?

She's not even pretty.

[Danielle] I just think
she's a shady bitch.

You don't talk to someone's
boyfriend at Chipotle.

Well, she does work there.

Whatever. Danielle's right.

It's not cool. You don't talk
to someone else's boyfriend.

She's a bitch.

Uh, hey. Um...

are any of you
possibly interested

in trying out
for a new reality show?

[Ashley] You're really from TV?

Yup, it is totally legit.

-Cool! What's it about?
-Well, uh,

full details are confidential
until production begins.

But it's fun. Female centric.
An ensemble cast.

Yeah, right now
we're bringing in people

who look interesting.

Basically we're looking for
someone with a sort of, uh...

-quality. Yeah.
-Yeah, vibe.

[producer] Just follow the link
on the website

for audition details.

Uh, do we need to prepare
a monologue or something?

[producer 2 laughs]

-Adorbs. Uh, no.
-Adorbs.

No monologue required.
Just-- Just be yourself.

[producer]
You just be you, okay?

[producer 2] Okay.

Sure.
[chuckles]

[laughter]

[Gordon] Whereas, uh, tubule
is a Lebanese mountain dish,

although there are Armenian
and, uh, Turkish variations,

but that's more parsley
than bulgur.

[Trudy] Gordon?

Gordon Copeland?

-[both chuckle]
-I thought it was you.

I'm sorry,
do we know each other?

Trudy.

Trudy Parker.

-Trudy.
-Senior year, Ross Hall.

Pitchers of beer.
Darts at the Rec.

Frisbee on the Quad.

[chuckles]

You're kidding, right?

For Valentine's Day,

you gave me a pair
of red-footed pajamas.

I gave you a copy
of Leaves of Grass.

We went to that French place.

On the way back, it rained

so we ducked into that
big cement pipe

'til the rain stopped.

You used to joke that our song
should be...

"Why Don't We Do It
in the Road."

[chuckles]
I...

I had a roommate named Sheila.

-Belly dancing Sheila?
-Yes.

My roommate when you and I dated
for seven months.

I guess you were pretty
distracted by your...

thesis on Italian
Renaissance painting.

Your art history degree.

Oh, yeah, I, um,
I ended up getting a degree

in hospitality management
at Cornell.

Mm. Good for you.

Huh.

[Trudy] Well, then...

take care.

Uh, you too. Trudy.

Trudy...

[bike bell chimes]

I really just
couldn't get into it.

I mean, that Ignatius guy was...

Kind of a hot mess.

Completely unsympathetic.

"Oh, look at me, I'm miserable,

I'm stuck in this shitty town,
I have bad gas."

[laughing]

Well, characters don't always
have to be...

sympathetic to be compelling.

Other thoughts?

What about James?
You, it was your selection.

I'm kind of curious to hear
more about what Jean has to say.

Um, well, this--
This might sound weird,

but I actually can identify
with Ignatius, in a way.

His own mother
wants him committed!

Well, who hasn't
been through that

at one time or another, huh?

-[chuckles]
-[awkward chuckling]

Well, Ignatius feels
powerless in his life,

that he's at the mercy of a fate
that's not really in his favor.

And I've felt that way.

"Those who don't know the nature
and the purpose of things...

think the criminal and wicked
have power and happiness."

It's not in there, Margot.

It's from
Consolation of Philosophy,

the book Ignatius
constantly refers to.

You read Consolation?

Yeah, 6th century philosophers
are my kinda rabbit hole.

I'll take pictures
of the kittens in boxes.

-[laughs]
-I love kittens in boxes!

Oh, my God,
did you see the one

with the kitten and the bunny
in the teacup?

-[Alisa] No!
-[Karen] Okay,

I'm going to show it to you.
You have to see it. So adorable.

Aw.

[Margot] Oh, that's cute.

But then he seems to be saying
that the only thing

of any true value
is found within.

So, in that sense,
happiness is--

You are my happiness.

James. Shh. Shh. Shh.

You are a beautiful
flowering tree.

And I'm a tired bird
looking for my nest.

Oh, James.

It's getting real hard
to share you.

Never mind.

Otis is only nine years old.

And I thought we'd only
be looking after Theo and Vivian

for a little while.

Alzheimer's is so unpredictable.

I can still smell you on me.

[sighs]

There's just a lot of things
to consider, that's all.

It's just real hard.

What's so hard?
[chuckles]

I was just suggesting that
maybe we read a classic.

Something like Moby Dick.

Oh, no, thank you.
[chuckles]

Good call, James.

Some ships sail
from their ports

and are ever afterwards missing.

-He is something.
-Yes.

Mm-hmm.

-Yes, he is.
-Mm.

[Theodore] Let me read you a bit
of my latest optometry paper.

My father was an optometrist.

And was also
in the jewelry business,

as these commerces
were often conjugated

together at that time.

I loved to sit in his chair.
Loved the things of it.

The click
of the giant eye piece.

And the curvature
of the cornea complex as itself

with the elements
to confer the portraits

obtained to the central
nurse's station.

Who's Catrina?

Caterina.

Oh. I see.

Who's Caterina?

A girl I might maybe like.
But probably not.

You know, considering
she's a girl and everything.

Well, that's wonderful.

Tell me about her.

I don't know.
She has two ponytails.

You mean pig tails?

I guess.

What is she like?

She has the neatest cubby
of anyone, ever,

crosses her feet in this
weird way under her desk.

They kind of like wind around.

-Interesting.
-[Otis] That's all I know.

Because she hasn't really
talked to me or anything.

Well, the first boy
I ever liked, Roger,

when I was about your age,

didn't know I existed
for months.

But we eventually
became friends.

And then...

well, you know.

Love is a...

It's a thing, Otie.

It's a thing that isn't always
what you think it might be.

When I first met your father,

I was totally in his thrall,
as they say.

He was so worldly.

Handsome in a certain way
I thought.

And I was so young.

James has reminded me
of a different thing

that love can be.

But Daddy's name is Gordon.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

[sighs]

Doris.

Hey, hypothetical scenario.

Say you're approached by someone

claiming to have a history
with you.

The details of which are both
specific and believable

and you still have
no recollection of those things

and that person being connected,

due to the fact that you have
no recollection of that person.

Happens all the time.

That's just...
CRS is what that is.

Can't remember shit.

[chuckles]
Right.

[door closes]

[indistinct chatter]

-Want these?
-Huh?

All that's left are pomegranate,
birthday cake, and jalapeño.

Hold out your hand.

Thanks.

[murmuring]

"What was I about to do-- "
Nope.

"How often do you end up
double booking yourself?"

Why would I do that?

Ridiculous.

"How often do you have to ask
someone to repeat instructions

or story because..."

[mumbling]

[clicking]

[Vivian] Oh, Theodore, what have
you done with the can opener?

I just like to see
how things work is all?

Yes. But you never remember

how to put them back
together again.

What do you mean? I remember
how to put them ba...

All right. There's a manual one
in the drawer, Grandmother.

This morning, I caught him
going out by himself again.

Determined to photograph
some mangy squirrel.

I always thought about
a career in photography.

Or music.

Not that I have any regrets.

Hey, what does your father do
for a living?

He was an optometrist.

An optometrist?

I was an optometrist.

You are my father.

Oh. Yes.
[chuckles]

[Jean] If you could have seen
the way he clutched the handful

of jellybeans
that little girl gave him today.

And who gave him
the jellybeans?

Her name is Caterina.

Oh, right, Caterina.

You know her?

Of course.

When did you meet her? Has she--

Or has she been to the house?

Oh, you know what, you're right.
I don't.

I don't know
what I was thinking.

Well, I certainly wouldn't know.

They're Turkish.

Jellybeans,
they're Turkish in origin.

The Turks they take
these jellies and they...

well, they threw them
in a hard--

[groans]
I'm-- I'm sorry.

-It's all right.
-I'm so sorry.

[Gordon] It's okay.

[Jean] Oh, God.

[sighs]

[phone beeps]

Job description.

I'm supposed to somehow
take this cheap shit

and turn it into an outfit

I'm not totally mortified
to wear.

Not possible.

What? Mom!

What are you doing?

I'm pretty much about to be cast
in my own major reality show.

-[sighs]
-This is serious.

Okay. I can't wear
just any shitty outfit.

And I can't sound stupid.

I need to focus so that
this doesn't get fucked up

like everything else
around here.

[sighs]

[James] Hey, babe,
just thinking about you hard.

Missing you.

Are you there? Hello?

Okay. I guess you're busy.
I get it.

So wishing you were in my arms
right now.

Here, anywhere.

Had a day and a night.

It's fine.

Mott misses you, too.

To the sound of your sweet
butter voice when you laugh

because his big dumb face
looked like

he was trying to tell us
what he thought was a squirrel

turned out to be just the wind.
Remember that?

I mean, you'd probably
never forget that.

Still, I was
retro-actively worried

almost as though
it could happen again.

If you know my mind.

James!

[sighs]

[Jean] I'm sorry.

I went to the worst place
I could conceive of.

He's breaking it off.

Oh, my God, he's leaving me.

It's like I was in one
of those nightmares

where you know
you're having a nightmare

and you force yourself
to wake up

only to realize that's also
part of a nightmare.

[sobs]

What is it?

Jean?

[Jean sniffs]

He was in my book club.

Oh, that's terrible.
Had he been sick?

It says it appears...

that he took his own life.

Oh.

Well, it's, uh, well-known,

there's a high rate
of suicide among artists.

But suicides
can often be prevented.

They say there are
almost always signs.

Are you saying
I should have known?

No.

No.

I'm sure you probably didn't
know him all that well.

[knock on door]

[Gordon] Jean?

Jean, everything okay in there?

[Jean]
And that's when I realized, no.

Everything is not okay.

It's not okay at all.

[Jean] But I certainly
couldn't tell him that.

[Claire] Who?

Sorry?

Who couldn't you tell
that everything wasn't okay?

My husband of 20 years.

Because he just hung himself
with a belt.

Oh.

-Sorry.
-Well, I'm sorry.

Should I not share
the specifics?

I don't really know
how this works.

The way this works
is we share everything here.

We're only as sick
as our secrets.

Denial is
the first phase of grief.

I didn't even call
an ambulance 'til Mary Louise

had been dead for two days.

Took me weeks to admit
that my partner, Ellen,

didn't swallow 80 Vicodin
by accident.

[social worker]
We don't get 100% honest,

we're never going to get through
what we need to get through.

And move our lives forward.

House, apple, boat, dog, kite.

What?

Just try to remember
those words.

Oh, house, apple,
boat, dog, kite.

[Dr. Worland]
Just try to remember them.

Okay.
This is hereditary, isn't it?

Well, there is a familial
genetic mutation

associated with Alzheimer's.

Yeah. I knew it. I...

I can't end up
like my father. I won't.

The tests show you don't have
that genetic marker.

I don't.

[Dr. Worland]
The scan didn't identify

any significant Amyloid Plax.

Well, significant.
It doesn't say there are none.

The presence of Plax alone

can't be used
to diagnose Alzheimer's.

It's not uncommon
for people to have Plax.

No cognitive symptoms.

So, you can't rule it out.

Could do a spinal tap.

Nothing in your exam indicates
it's warranted.

A lot of things
can affect memory.

Sleep issues.
Stress. Depression.

A dead, sexless marriage

leading to abject loneliness
and existential disassociation.

What?

I said is everything okay
at home?

Oh!

Uh, yeah, you know, well, these
things go in cycles, you know.

[Dr. Worland] All right.
Now, tell me those five words

I asked you to remember.

Uh, house, apple,
uh, boat, dog, car.

No. Uh, cat. No.

It's fine.
Four out of five is common.

Wait, no, I got a house,
apple, boat...

dog...

Excuse me,
I have another appointment.

Thank you.
Um, apple, boat, dog...

[laughter]

[door opens]

Oh, my God.
That was so much fun.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

Priscilla Copeland.

Dude, it's easy.
Just don't be boring.

-Hi
-[Priscilla] Hi.

Hi. Yeah.

Uh, Priscilla.

We're just going to ask you
a couple of general questions.

Get an idea for how
you look on camera.

Try and cheat your answers here
toward camera if you can.

But just try and be natural.

Yeah, totally.

[producer] And, remember,
there are no

right or wrong answers.

So don't worry about that.

We really do just want you
to be yourself. Okay?

So, first question.
What is your level of education?

Well, I'm in my first year
of junior college.

But I kind of hate it.
I'm thinking about dropping out.

[chuckles]

Well, I mean, but maybe not.

Um, I don't know.

What do you think's
your best quality as a person?

My style is great.
[laughs]

Any hobbies?

What, like, stamp collecting
or something?

Yeah, yeah, like that.

Is texting a hobby?

Not really.

Oh. I love to dance.
And I like fashion magazines.

All right, why don't we move on.

Have you experienced
or been treated for any mental

or physical illness
within the past ten years?

What? No, ten years ago
I was, like, nine.

Nine-year-olds
can have mental illness.

Well, that must be what's wrong
with my brother then.

[laughter]

[clears throat]

Have you ever been
on television before?

Uh, I went to New York
with my family one time.

And we stood outside
the Today Show.

But we were all the way
in the back.

It was lame.

What's your primary motivation
for being on TV?

Doesn't everyone wanna be on TV?

Not everyone.

What accomplishment
are you most proud of?

[Hal] It's just that I, uh...

I looked up to him so much.

In spite of his illness.

He was always
such a good brother.

I thought
that after that first time,

you know, it was so long ago.

That he tried to, uh...

I thought he was doing better.

That the new medication was...

I just thought
he was doing better.

[sniffs]
Anyway, I've said enough.

Is there anybody else
who'd like to say something?

Anybody? Sure.

Come here.

Uh, I guess I just wanted
to say that...

Mr. D was nice to everybody.

Even if your art wasn't so hot.

He made you feel
like it was.

He made you see
how it could connect people.

And, you know, change you.
And I won't ever forget that.

Thank you.

Oh, and, uh,

if anybody would like
a really big, sweet, old dog,

Mott's gonna need a new home.

The wife's allergic, so...

Anyway, thank you all for coming
and celebrating James's life.

Hey, buddy.

-I'm so sorry for your loss.
-[Hal] Um...

I'm, um...
I'm a friend of James.

He was in my book club.

I-- I'd be happy
to take the dog.

My son would love him.

-Really?
-Yeah.

I mean, that's amazing.

Are you s-- Are you sure?

Yeah.

Okay.

[Hal] Okay, I mean,

just, you know, let me know
when's good for you.

I can get his stuff
and get it up here to you.

Well, I can take him now.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh.

Come on. Come on.

[Jean] Aw. I know.

You're very sad.

You're lonely.

You want to come up in our bed?

No, no, no.
He stays in his bed.

Well, I think he's traumatized.

But in our bed?

-Oh.
-[dog panting]

It's not like it makes
any difference. Does it?

[dog panting]

Good boy.

What if we talk about
all the things on the list

before we even get
to the apple orchard?

[Jean] Oh, Otie.

Sweetie, you don't need a list.

You don't always have to talk
when you have someone special.

James and I have moments
like that all the time.

We had wonderful conversations.

But half the time,
we didn't even have to talk.

We could just...
sit there together.

Love is a beautiful thing, Otie.

Someday, you'll come together
with a person.

And a very almost...

spiritual thing will happen.

I don't know how else to say it.

Hopefully your lover
won't kill herself.

I already have
the salon center

and the pink styling chair
for my American Girl doll.

And Caterina, if you have
an American Girl doll,

you can bring her over
for a play date anytime.

And we can play salon.

I don't.

[teacher] Okay, Bethany,
time to get on the bus now.

[Bethany] Well, that's okay,

you can bring
whatever doll you have

as long as it's littler
than an American Girl doll,

I mean, it would be better
if you had one,

but, still, you could even bring
a Barbie or an Ariel

or a La La Lucy or a Gotz.

Well, a Gotz might be too big.

But, still, even
if you can't fit the chair.

It can still sit next to mine
and just talk to her

while she's sitting there.

I don't want to sit next
to the window

-in case it crashes.
-Is that better in a crash?

Sitting in the middle?

I think so. Have you ever seen
the old movie, Speed?

Very, very scary.

It's about a bus
that never stops.

Well, I think
this bus will stop.

I hope so.

Do you ever think
that you'll kill yourself?

I don't think so.

Why, do you?

No, but my mom said
that's what lovers do.

On purpose you mean?

I guess.

Then no. If I killed myself,
it'd only be an accident.

Do you like crossword puzzles?

I don't know.
I like spelling.

[Otis] Oh, well, I like
to make crossword puzzles.

That was my first one.

Cool.

[Gordon] Trudy...

Um...

Uh...

there we go.

Dear Trudy,

I hope you will accept
my sincere apology

for having forgotten
our entire relationship.

No.

For not remembering you.

[sighs]

I'm sorry,

I did not
recognize you at the store.

Yeah. Shit.

Can we meet so that
you can tell me

that I haven't lost
my fucking mind.

Dumb.

Can we meet for coffee?

Can we meet for coffee?

Jesus.

Oh, man.

[sighs]

[unzips]

Ah.

Ah.

[intercom beeps]

[man]
Gordon to the front, please.

Gordon to the front.

[moans]

You tell people things
when you are intimate.

When you are in love.

When you are we you share

that you've been fighting
mental health issues for years.

That the new medication
is actually not working.

That it's all getting
to be too much.

And you're thinking
bad thoughts.

Very, very bad thoughts
and you need help.

I know it seems personal.

Well, of course it's personal.

I'm the one he left.
How is that not personal?

I was left, too.

We've all been left.

One way or another. Right?

[Claire] I just can't believe
your husband was able to hide

his mental illness from you
for so many years.

Oh, yeah, well...

You know, a lot of things
can go unnoticed

in a marriage over the years.

I'm just trying to help.

It's okay. No, you be mad.

Not doing anybody any good
to bottle it all up.

Anger is the next phase
of grief.

Really?

And then what?

Serenity, joy,

the happy fucking kumbaya
acceptance?

That it was all meant to be.

Because I would trade
a lifetime of serenity

for one more afternoon

lying on the blanket
in the grass with him.

One more hour.

Bargaining.

What?

Bargaining.

It's the next phase.

Thank you, but I don't think
this is for me.

None of this
is gonna bring him back.

[social worker]
You tell people things.

When everything is not okay,
you make sure you tell somebody.

[indistinct chatter]

[teacher] All right, listen up.

When you've each gathered
a full bag of apples

please sit at the bottom
of your tree

with your buddy, okay?

[Otis] Do you like robots?

-Robots?
-Never mind.

Don't you like apples?

[Caterina] Yeah,
but I don't like spots on them?

Like from worms and stuff.

Well, me neither.

So you probably don't like bugs
then if you don't like worms.

[sighs]

Hey, I brought jellybeans.
Wants some?

Sure.

So birthday cake isn't so good,
right?

You don't like birthday cake?
Not even chocolate?

Oh, I love birthday cake.

I meant birthday cake
jellybeans.

Oh, oh, good.

Then you can still come
to my birthday party.

[Otis] Sure.

But if you come
to my birthday party,

you'll have to be my boyfriend.

Dad.

Dad.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

What are you doing?

Well, I have to get my paper
to the post office.

Okay. Um, the mail's
already gone out today

and I think you're gonna need
an envelope.

[knocks on door]

[Claire] Hi, um, is Jean home?

Oh, no, no, not at the moment.

Can I help you?

She left this book at our group.

The address was in it so I--

Oh, I will make sure
that she gets it, thank you.

I'm sorry, I'm rude.
It's just my father, um...

I'm Gordon, Jean's husband.

[clatters]

I'm sorry. I...
[chuckles]

I really got to go,
but thanks again.

-[clatters]
-Oh, God.

Dad?

Oh. Fun fact.

Spite and Malice is sometimes
called Cat and Mouse.

So on the bus,
Caterina told me

she sits on the inside
in case it crashes.

She has a fear of it.

Well, I have a fear of crashing.

Sometimes I'm afraid
of running people down.

I didn't know that,
Grandma Bibbie.

[Vivian] You know I don't drive.

I've never driven.
It would be terrible if I did.

Can I ask a question?

Absolutely, daughter. You know
what they say about questions.

Do you guys all have,
like, a proudest accomplishment?

Well, for me, it would
probably be in my painting.

Huh? I didn't know
you were into painting.

I studied it in college.

You took one class.

I feel like
I learned what I needed to.

About me, what should I begin.

Let's see, oh, yes.
I'm a college graduate.

And I've kept my figure
over the years.

And don't forget,
my sense of adventure.

You just said you wouldn't even
drive a car, Grandma Bibbie.

Well, you've seemed
to have forgotten

that when your great grandfather
and I were married,

we were very much
the outdoorsy type.

As a matter of fact,
your grandfather

was conceived on the banks
of the Colorado River.

It's a terrible shame
about marriages today.

If one marriage doesn't succeed,
they just throw it out

and get another one.

Your great grandfather and I
were married for 60 years.

It was like a...
A dream.

Anyone want more pretzels?

Plenty of...

Priscilla, can I say mine?

-Please.
-My symmetric crossword.

I was always very proud

that I could recite
my favorite poem

by heart since I was 12.

"That is no country for old men.

The young...

in one another's arms,
birds and trees.

The, um, the dying generations
that their song."

Uh...

something...

Something, something mackerel.

Something um...

Something flesh, flower, uh...

"An old man, an aged man is...

but a tattered coat
upon a stick."

"Unless soul clap its hands
and sing.

And louder sing for every tatter
in its mortal dress.

Nor is there singing school
but studying.

Monuments of its own
magnificence and therefore,

I have sailed the seas and come

to the Holy city of Byzantium."

[dog panting]

[reporter] There was a wider
than expected loss

in the second quarter.

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[Gordon] Uh, somebody from
your book group dropped this by.

Oh, uh--

[Gordon] You must have left it.

Yes, uh, my book, thank you.

Thanks.

[Margot] Hi, Jean.

Haven't heard from you
in a while.

Just wanted to remind you
that we're having

the book club today.

In honor of James.

This week's book
is the Long Weekend.

Hope to see you.

[knocks on door]

-Hi.
-Hi, Jean.

We're just finishing up.

-Okay.
-Come on in.

Sit down.

[sighs]

"Our days were forever
and a moment.

And they were always and never."

Aw.

Hey, what's wrong, Jean?
Didn't you like the book?

Not really.

I can't imagine anyone
who wouldn't like this book.

It just--
It just didn't ring true.

I mean, we're supposed
to believe it was their fate.

To fall in love in five seconds?

Based on what?

I don't know exactly.

I mean, let's be serious.

The writing is weak.

Okay, okay.
No, no, no, please.

Let me just...

Sure.

Okay then. Um...

"It's as though we too
share one body,

one mind, one spirit."

That is weird.

It-- I mean,
it's borderline creepy.

I'm sorry, but that line
blew me away.

-Me too.
-What is creepy about that?

Two people share one body.

Come on.

That's a-- That's a weird image.

Well, that's not how I read it.

Well then, you read it wrong.

Oh.

-[chuckles]
-[door closes]

[Gordon] She was a bit younger.

A recent graduate.
Avid reader, right?

Although later, I was surprised

at how many classics she missed.

Madam Bovery, Emma,

no Austen at all and--

I just asked
when you got married.

Right.

'91.

Good for you.

You never married at all?

I came close once.

Engaged to a horse trainer
for two years.

You remember how much
I loved horses?

-Right?
-Yes, of course.

More than trainers it turns out.

[laughing]

Yeah, Trudy, um...

ever since we ran
into each other,

I haven't been able
to stop thinking about you.

That's nice.

Um, what I mean to say
is I'm still struggling

with my recollection
of our time together.

Um, and I thought
you might help.

Maybe just walk me through
some of the details

of whatever our relationship was
so that I--

Okay.

I can't do this again.

-No, no, let's just talk--
-Listen, Gordon.

I'm sorry about whatever
is going on with you.

But I'm sure you can understand
how uncomfortable

this must be for me.

-Trudy.
-I'm sure that there are

treatments available.

Therapies maybe.

I wish you the best of luck
with it.

But you-- No.

No.

Wait.

Trudy.
Trudy, wait.

Wait. Wait.

Now, I've been to a doctor.

That sounds like
a positive step.

Yeah, nothing showed up
on the tests.

And he said that there was
nothing wrong with me.

So, the only explanation is...

-Yeah?
-[Gordon] Well, that...

you created this rouse
so that you could get

to know me,
which I find quite flattering.

-But I'm not really in a--
-Wait.

You think I'm stalking you?

When did I call you?

When did I write
or try to contact you

-in any way?
-Yeah, well,

I thought you might be
exceptionally clever

and contrived that chance
meeting in the store.

[laughs]

And you entice me
into pursuing you.

How--

-Get the fuck off of me.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Trudy.

I didn't know what I was doing.
I'm sorry.

Are you fucking insane?

I don't know.

[mumbles]

[laughs]

[Gordon] Huh.

Talks too much.

Verbose.

Verbose. Yeah.

Bethany.

Who in the hell is Bethany?

They kill themselves?

Lovers.

Lovers kill themselves.

Hey. Hey, what's up?

Hey.

Uh, I date douche bags.

Um, I sell used clothes
made by Chinese babies.

No, I'm not proud of that,
but thank you for asking.

Um, I'm probably going
to die here

alone in this bedroom.

Do you want to make
a TV show about me?

FML.

Oh, Priscilla.

Jesus, Mom.

-What are you doing?
-I wish I knew.

I mean, I got another audition
for that TV show.

And all they said
was to be myself.

Like, what does that even mean?

Usually, it doesn't involve
practicing.

Listen, do not forget,

you have to watch
your grandfather today.

We're taking Otis
to a birthday party.

That's today? No, I really need
to work on this.

Can't you do it tomorrow?

You know how birthday parties
work, don't you?

You have them on your birthday.

You couldn't have reminded me?

It's on the calendar.

Exactly one person
looks at that calendar.

You're not going in that,
are you?

What is wrong
with what I'm wearing?

Only... everything.
[laughs]

Come here.

No, no, I cannot wear jeans.
Mm-mm.

Well, you can't wear
what you're wearing.

It's just... sad.

I'm sad.

Well, you don't have
to make it worse.

Just put these on.
I'm trying to help you.

Here, these.

Huh.

-Okay.
-Like nine million times better.

[all]
¶ Happy birthday to you ¶

[applause]

[indistinct chatter]

Their two-week anniversary,
she said.

Isn't that precious?

From that weird boy in my class
to boyfriend.

Sorry?

Otis is weird?
In what way?

He got her attention,
that's what matters, right?

[Dean] Do you remember, Gordon?

-Huh?
-What it's like to be that age?

[Gordon] Uh, well, of course,
as much as any of us do.

Childhood memory does depend
on interpreting

the association
of individual objects.

Oh, Jesus, Gordon.

He just means do you remember
what it was like

to feel innocent joy?

Yes, Jean.
I recall joy as a child.

Even some as an adult.

[indistinct chatter]

So, I live with, like, everyone
who's ever been in my family.

Including my grandpa
and my great grandma Bibbie,

who is like the world's
oldest living human.

They're napping right now.

This is...

a picture of me
when I was a baby.

Lying on a blanket
being very still.

According to Bibbie,

this is the greatest thing
I ever did.

Hey.

What do you know,
maybe I do have

a proudest accomplishment
after all.

Here is my parents.
On their wedding day.

Huh.

Weird.

[Caterina] Do you want to play
a video game?

[Otis] Yeah, I guess.

Basically, you have to rescue
your family

and take back the streets.

[siren wailing]

[man groans]

But you're running over
innocent bystanders

on the sidewalk.

Oh, that's fine.
Don't worry.

Just try to kill as many
bad guys as you can for points.

Oh...

okay.

I'm totally his favorite.

-Right, Grandpa?
-Oh, right.

I take photos too, you know.

-Squirrels mostly.
-[chuckles]

I know, Grandpa.
I'm actually making a video.

[laughs]

[phone beeps]

Come here.

Here, wipe your hands.

Thank you.

All right.

Let's play.

Your turn.

You got the color right,
Grandpa.

But, see, this is
a four of diamonds.

You have to play a diamond
on a diamond.

And you can only play a five
or a three on a four, see?

Hmm.

We only know a little.

Huh?

Do what makes you happy.

[laughs]
Okay.

Um...

do you need
to get changed, Grandpa?

Maybe.

Okay.

[indistinct chatter]

[Dean] What, uh--
What do you do, Gordon?

Oh, well, I take care of a
family as best I can.

Though recent events
have led me to consider

that I may have fallen short
in certain areas.

Hell, who hasn't?

But you live with all that.

Right?
The creeping disappointment.

You think a kid will fix it.
But it's more of just the same.

Well, we're certainly
not disappointed

-in our children.
-[Gordon] No, absolutely not.

I hope that Priscilla
would take her education

more seriously,
get into a proper college.

Well, maybe you didn't
give her the confidence.

I mean, who can compete
with you?

Spouting facts all day long.

I mean, I'm not saying
that she hasn't always

been a challenge.

-Right from birth.
-[Gordon] Yeah, I wonder

where she got that
preternatural dissatisfaction?

Guys.
It's a party for the kids.

-Let's try--
-[Linda] What, Dean,

is their honesty
making you uncomfortable?

Are you worried we'll have
to talk about you and Roger

and your late-night
training sessions?

I'm not having
this conversation now.

-You're drunk.
-Of course I'm drunk.

What reasonable person
wouldn't be?

Mom, can I open my presents yet?

Sure.

Here, Dad, hold this, please.

[indistinct chatter]

[phone vibrating]

[chuckles]
It's...

That's an old friend
from college.

[Priscilla] There we go.

[water running]

Now you have to move
this foot, Grandpa.

-No, no, no. No, this foot.
-It's okay, I'll do it.

If you'll only
just lift up your--

[Theodore] Priscilla!

I can do it.

Thank you, dear.
Thank you.

[crying]

-[Otis] I wrapped it myself.
-Oh.

I made it special.
Here are the clues.

So, you see, you go over here
and you see

three down says "bad jellybean"
and then you look at the puzzle

to see how many letters it is.

"Talks a lot girl."
That's Bethany.

Right. So you go over here
and then you look at the puzzle

and then you compare
the letters.

And then you can just
write down.

That ones from me.

Yes!

[sighs]

[Theodore] Lie down.
Get in your bed.

Optometry.

Copeland.

New York.

Good boy.

See you later.

Well, Linda certainly seems
to have an immodest approach

to her family matters.

[scoffs] Well, I actually find
it refreshing to hear someone

speak openly
about their marriage problems.

That was someone that
I apparently dated in college.

-I had no--
-I don't care, Gordon.

No, it doesn't seem
you do of late.

Well, at least you noticed.

I suppose I should be grateful

that you're even remotely aware
of anything

-that's going on with me at all.
-No, I am-- I am plenty aware

of-- Hey, Otie.

How did your special crossword
go with Caterina?

Not that great.
Actually, she broke up with me.

-What?
-What?

Another boy gave her
a better present.

She said that he was going
to be her boyfriend, so...

Oh, Otie, she will learn
that life is not about things.

You're a wonderful boy.

Yeah, your mother's right.

You know, you may feel
terrible right now.

-But it's--
-It doesn't feel terrible.

Caterina and I were lovers
for two weeks

and it was amazing.

Don't worry, Mom.

I promise I'm not going
to kill myself.

[car door opens]

[car door closes]

[sniffs]

[knocks on door]

Grandpa?

Grandpa?

Everything okay in there?

Shit.

Grandpa?

Grandpa!

Where are you?

Grandpa?

Oh.

So you escaped, huh?

Well, I won't tell if you don't.

Grandpa?

Fuck.
Grandpa!

[cries]
Grandpa.

Hey, look at this.

A little porch time.

Otie, go around the back way
and go to your room.

-Why, what is it--
-Just-- Otie, go around.

You guys fucked up.

All right, Priscilla.

Calm down.
Tell us what happened.

No.

You guys fucked up.

Grandpa needed a nursing home
or something.

What made you think
you could manage this?

What made you think
I could manage this?

He asked me for five minutes
in the bathroom.

And he died.

When you can't leave someone
alone for five minutes,

you clearly can't take care
of them yourself.

You guys fucked this shit
all up.

You should have known.

Now, one of you go call someone
to come and get him, please.

Dad?

Um...

you have to tell Grandma Bibbie.

Yeah.

[Vivian] Ten minutes late
to dinner.

Where have you all been?

[Gordon] It's Dad, Grandma,
it's Dad.

What's the matter,
did he fall down again?

No, no, no, no, no.
That's not what I meant.

What I'm trying to say is...

he's gone.

He passed.

He passed.

I see.

My father was an artist.

He made his living
as an optometrist.

But...

his humor and his soul
belonged to art.

He was my inspiration.

I remember as a small boy,
he helped me carve wood blocks

to make prints.

It was as a child

that his love of art
took root in me.

Somewhere along the line,
that was put aside

for practical matters.

He was a beloved husband,
son, grandfather, and...

father to me.

Anecdotes...

Well, I was recently implicated
in an occurrence

in which I became uncertain
of my cerebral facilities

of which I had previously
been very certain.

Frankly, I thought
I'd lost my mind.

Maybe I did, I don't know.

Maybe it wasn't the disaster
I initially believed it to be.

Maybe it was a blessing.

I think we should all lose
our minds

and find new ones now and again.

I'm not one for God especially,
I'm sorry to say that

in a church, but...

I think hopefully,
my father is with my mother.

Laura.

And that his mind rests.

Hey.

Yeah, oh.

[Taylor] Hi, P.

Hi, Mrs. C.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Priscilla and I
are best friends.

Like, we're practically sisters.

She just lost her grandpa.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop by
and pay my respects.

Hugs and kisses.

Oh, this is not happening.

I can't believe Taylor
got the show.

Taylor!

-I'm sorry, Priscilla.
-I don't get it.

I-- First, Kyle, and now this?

I failed.

And I feel like
I'm doing life completely wrong.

Do you ever feel that way?

Yes.

I'm almost 20 years old

and I have nothing to show
for myself.

I have good hair.

I could be, like, a hair model.

Priscilla...

there's more to you than hair.

Like what?

Do you think
I'm good at anything?

-Mom!
-Well, no, honey,

I'm sure you are.
Everyone is good at something.

Oh, great, but, like,
you have no idea.

Well, I thought you said
you were interested in fashion.

Well, I was. I am.

But, I mean,
you can't just decide

-to be Rachel Zoe.
-Mm-hmm, that's right.

You actually have to work
for things.

Mom, you don't understand.

I was so sure
that this was my destiny.

Life is what you make it.

Make your own fucking reality.

So, I finally took a bunch
of her things

to sell at the flea market.

I wound up buying
a bunch of stuff

that reminded me of her.

So, I guess I'm not ready
to move on yet.

[social worker] Claire?

Do you want to share?

No, I don't feel safe sharing.

Why is that, hon?

Because someone here is a liar.

I went to Jean's house to return
that book that she left.

And the man that answered
the door

introduced himself
as her husband.

He looked pretty alive to me.

I'm a cheater, not a liar.

I fell in love with another man.

And he hung himself.

So...

can you direct me to the
correct support group for that?

No? Well, I didn't think so.

Yeah, I changed some facts
but my pain is as real

as anyone's here.

That sounds horrible.

But you should have told us
the truth.

Really?

I mean, does anyone actually
want the truth?

Because the truth is full
of aging and disease

and death and heartbreak.

So, is it any wonder
I wanted to run from it?

I just tried to do it
with someone

who wanted to escape
more than I did.

[social worker]
The truth doesn't care

whether we want it or not.

It just is.

I'm sorry
I wasn't entirely honest.

But I won't apologize
about James.

I regret hurting anyone,
but it was the most honest thing

I'd done in years.

There was no inciting incident
as they say.

Would have been
a deadly dull book

the story of what happened
to my marriage.

But in some...

fuzzy area,
I forgot why I mattered.

I felt irrelevant.

Not worth the effort
of tossing out.

Not worth saving,
just something that...

gets shelved and gathers dust.

Make your own fucking reality.

[Jean] Maybe we're not
the most reliable narrators

of our own stories.

At least the ones
we tell ourselves.

We're all part of
someone else's story, too.

Sometimes, it feels like
that's all we are.

If we're lucky,
something will jar us

into remembering
that it's on us

to drive
our own plots forward.

And leave it to others
to say

how it all turned out
in the end.

¶ As I wipe my eyes ¶

¶ I keep rolling on ¶

¶ Follow that eastern wind ¶

¶ Until I get home again ¶

¶ Saw a girl with auburn hair ¶

¶ In the misty mountain air ¶

¶ She called me there ¶

¶ With a song and simple rhyme ¶

¶ In the glow of fireflies ¶

[Jean] "There is a wisdom
that is woe,

but there is a woe
that is madness.

And there is a Catskill eagle
in some souls

that can alike dive down
into the blackest gorges

and soar out of them again

and become invisible
in the sunny spaces."