Original subtitles

- Did I miss anything? - No, he's doing the same old thing.

[Higgins] Lufkin, why is it that every time we have a budget meeting,

- you stir up trouble? - [Lufkin] I'm not trying to stir up trouble.

I'm just trying to get what I need, so we can have a decent lab.

[Higgins] I think you've got what you need.

Need I remind you, it was just last year

that we bought 10 new Bunsen burners for that lab.

We've got to draw the line somewhere. This can't go on forever.

But our students have to experiment.

Be creative. That's what science is all about.

Creative, my foot.

You're talking about this bunch out there being creative. That's impossible.

[Lufkin] You're being unfair, Dean Higgins.

Suppose people had taken that attitude about Thomas Edison?

We're not talking about people like Edison.

We're talking about people like Dexter Riley.

Believe me, Dexter Riley is no Thomas Edison.

[Dexter] Nobody ever said he was!

Of course, nobody said he was. That would be a ridiculous thing to say...

No, Lufkin, I think you better forget about your course in creative lab.

Just stick with the old conventional systems.

Burn the sulfur, make clouds, smell up the place, like you do.

[Lufkin] Now, really, Dean Higgins.

That was good enough for the '40s, but today, science...

Why is it that every time we have a meeting, they're out there?

Listening to something?

[Buzzer]

- They're just having a little gathering. - I don't like little gatherings.

They make me nervous. I don't even like... Yes, Winifred?

Who? Yes, I'll talk to him, Winifred. That'll be all today, gentlemen.

That was even duller than usual.

But you gotta listen. You never know what might come up.

Yes, Helwig, did you find out anything?

Yes, I've been watching them. They've been bugging your office.

[Higgins] They've been bugging my office?

- What? - [Higgins] Are you sure?

What'd he say?

We'll find out! Wait a minute.

I should've known. I wonder where they hid that thing.

- He's on to us. - What are we gonna do?

- We gotta do something in a hurry. - Let's get moving.

Behind the books, that's where they'd hide it.

They're worried about the establishment.

Hello? I'll show them what the establishment really is.

Soon as I find the evidence, I'll expel them all.

Tuition or no tuition, I'll get a federal grant. I don't need them.

Nothing under here.

No! My homework!

Anything wrong, Dean Higgins?

No, nothing's wrong.

You need an electrician or anything?

No, I don't need an electrician.

You don't have to snap my head off.

If I wanted an electrician, I'd have called one in the first place.

Don't they ever clean this thing? I don't know what I pay that janitor for anyway.

Excuse me, could you show me my attendance file in history?

Mr. Baines says I missed half my classes and I don't believe it.

I don't think I missed any.

- The name? - Schuylar, Richard Schuylar.

Says here you've been absent every Thursday.

You mean it's on Thursdays, too?

I only thought it was on Tuesdays.

No wonder all those epics seemed to roll along so fast.

I think I got the answer. If I flunk it this semester,

I'll go on Thursdays next semester and pick up the stuff I missed.

Thanks, Mrs. Kesley, you'll never know how much you helped me!

Dean Higgins, do you mind if I change your flowers?

No, I don't. I've got more important things on my mind.

[Higgins] Wait!

I knew it. It's those flowers.

All right, Dexter Riley, I know you're in there.

Imagine it, sir. If one of our own students could actually win the Forsythe Award!

- With this bunch, that's impossible. - Good morning, Dean Higgins.

- But Dean, it's $50,000 this year. - Really? $50,000?

Morning, Dean Higgins.

Young Druffle seems to have come up with something very promising.

He's one of our honor students. What's he doing here with a crowd like this?

Good morning, Dean.

There's another beaut, that Schuylar.

Right this way, sir.

Well, Druffle...

I thought we might give Dean Higgins a progress report on your experiment.

Certainly. Good morning.

Morning.

Actually, my work with bumble bees is based on a very simple theory.

See, when you consider the mass of the body of the bee,

the drag quotient far outmeasures the foil efficiency and the lift field.

- Ergo, it's fairly safe to say... - Thank you, Druffle.

Morning, Dean.

Howdy ho, Dean.

- Tell them not to touch me. - Please.

I know what Tinkertoys are when I see them, but what is this monstrosity?

- What is this? - It's an invention of my own.

I can imagine.

People have been trying to figure out the problem of invisibility.

- I didn't know that was a problem. - Things have changed.

A lot has happened since Einstein split the atom.

This looks like one of them.

It looks complicated, but actually it's very simple once you understand it.

I'm not sure I care to understand it.

First of all, you have to read Bersokoff's book on quantum mechanics.

- I do. And who was Bersokoff? - You don't know him?

That's funny, he was a very famous 18th century Russian scientist.

He was the man who developed the theory, "If we could prevent reflection..."

Let me show you. If we could prevent reflection by...

bending light waves around objects with a non-reflectable liquid,

we could make those objects invisible.

That was his theory? Making objects invisible?

- Yes, sir. - That's idiotic.

No, sir, it's a very sound theory.

If it's so sound, how come he could never make it work?

- Who? - The Russian! Whoever...

You mean Bersokoff. Unfortunately, his career was cut short.

I didn't know that. His career... What happened?

- What happened to him? - They threw him into an insane asylum.

They threw him into an insane asylum? And you're working on his theory?

Yeah.

Don't you exercise any control whatsoever around here?

You come to me and ask me for money to buy expensive equipment,

so that nitwit kid can work on a theory that some Russian proposed,

- over 200 years ago? - Wait a minute, sir!

We may not agree with the Russians politically,

we may not even like them, but as scientists,

don't you think we ought to raise ourselves above these petty prejudices?

Scientists? I'm talking about a nut they had to lock up over 200 years ago!

Dean, I'm sorry!

Dean, I'm sorry. I don't how it happened.

These lunatics are trying to kill me.

Wait a minute.

- I've had enough. - What about...

[students] You don't understand.

[Thunder]

[Thunder]

[Glass shattering]

I must be going crazy, but the guy in that car looked like A.J. Arno.

It couldn't be him. He's in jail.

All right, move away from the car. Come on, move.

What's the matter with you? Leave them alone.

They're not doing any harm. Boys, don't pay any attention to him.

- Hi, kids. Nice to see you. - Hi, Mr. Arno.

What's the matter? You seem surprised to see me.

- We thought you were in jail. - Oh, that. That was a mistake.

You know, the police, judges, they all make mistakes.

But I forgive them. I don't hold grudges. Dean Higgins, nice to see you.

- [Higgins] Always a pleasure to see you. - [Arno] Thank you.

What's going on around here?

Arno took over the mortgage on the college.

He told Dean Higgins that if he can't make the payment in June,

- to make it whenever he could. - Sure doesn't sound like Arno.

That's why Dean Higgins is walking around on airs.

It's the first time he hasn't had to worry about money.

But I don't understand it. That guy's a crook.

Crook or no crook, he's interested in higher education.

He's already dreamed up improvements for the school.

That's where he is now. Dean Higgins is showing him around.

I have to run off to a teacher's meeting. Anything else you need?

No, Professor, I'm just gonna work on my experiment for a while.

Holy smoke. The whole thing's burned out.

How come mine and nobody else's?

Oh, boy.

Oh, no.

Gotta be in there somewhere.

That stuff must eat everything alive.

I'll bet I gotta replace everything.

[Tapping]

A vector is any quantity such as a force of velocity

that has direction as well as amount.

I've done it.

I've really done it.

- Hi. - Hi, Dexter.

What have you done to your glasses?

You look ridiculous.

I've done it!

[Schuylar] Your fingers!

- You better get to the hospital right away. - I'll call an ambulance.

There's nothing to be worried about. You see, my fingers are all there.

- They're just invisible. - Invisible?

I don't know how it works, but it works. Let me show you.

Now this is the stuff that does it.

It's incredible.

But the main thing is, I can make myself invisible.

Can you imagine? Look! Look, human flesh, invisible!

You mean, you just stuck your hand in that stuff and your fingers became invisible?

That's all there is to it. Look, you try it.

- Me? - Why not?

I don't think I better.

I mean, I'm not much on this science business.

In fact, I don't even know what I'm doing in this class.

- Schuylar, there's nothing to be afraid of. - I'm not afraid.

Then you do it.

Look at 'em!

They're gone, but they're there.

This is incredible.

Dexter, how do we make our fingers visible again?

- That shouldn't be any problem. - Are you sure?

Of course!

Look, it's just a solution. It should come right off.

There, see.

- Give me that towel. - Don't panic, Debbie.

I'm not panicking.

Dexter, what have you done to me?

What are you people doing in here?

- Nothing. - I wouldn't call it nothing.

I mean, this thing has quite a history.

You've probably heard of the famous Russian scientist, Bersokoff.

Nobody wants to hear anything about Bersokoff.

Now, Mr. Arno, we've got a simply marvelous...

experiment over here by one of our honor students, Druffle.

He's working on a very interesting theory on bumble bees.

You see, according to all the laws of aerodynamics

when you consider the mass of their body to their wingspread, they shouldn't fly at all.

- Then how come they do? - I don't know.

That's what Druffle's trying to find out. What a day to bring Mr. Arno up here.

You certainly have quite a view from here. It's an entirely different perspective.

Do you mind if my architect takes a look at it?

Your architect? You think he'd like it? That'd be wonderful.

It's quite a view indeed.

Goodbye, young lady. Son?

- Goodbye, Hector. - Dexter.

Yeah, Dexter.

What is the matter with everybody's right hand around here?

They've been working on Dexter's experiment

and they might have got something on them.

If they've got something on them, why don't they wash them?

I never thought of that.

It did it.

Water takes it off!

It's amazing.

Dean Higgins, you're a genius.

You know, it just doesn't figure.

Arno gets out of prison and picks up the mortgage on this place.

Next thing you know, he wants to bring over his architect and remodel.

A.J. Arno just doesn't do favors for people.

Yeah. What was so interesting out this window?

I don't know. He's sure up to something.

And we're gonna find out what it is.

I know, I know!

This afternoon you said you'd do it. How come you changed your mind?

This afternoon it was just my hand. Tonight it's all of me.

But it's the same principle.

When we're through, we wet you down and you'll be yourself again.

But it's when I'm not myself that I don't like it.

It's too late to back out on me now. I need you.

Oh, no!

- Wait a minute, don't forget the camera. - [Dexter] Thanks. Come on, let's go.

- Be careful, you guys! - [Dexter] We will, don't worry.

- [Schuylar] I don't like this at all. - [Dexter] I don't either,

- but we have to find out what Arno's up to. - How do you know he's up to anything?

Because he's a crook. And he bought the mortgage on Midfield College.

Why would a crook like Arno want to do that?

[Schuylar] I don't know, don't ask me. Don't ask me anything at all.

Why not?

Because if I knew anything, I wouldn't be here in the first place.

- [Schuylar] Did you hear that? - [Dexter] What?

- [Schuylar] That slushing sound. - [Dexter] You hear it too?

[Dexter] It stopped now.

[Schuylar] Wait a minute, my shoes are visible!

[Dexter] That's what the slushing sound was.

You must've stepped in some water somewhere.

[Schuylar] This looks pretty good, doesn't it?

Schuylar, will you quit playing around and come on?

Okay.

- [Schuylar] Good, the door's locked. - [Dexter] Look out! Somebody's coming.

Mr. Arno, leaving his tennis shoes out to be shined.

Must be going nuts, or something.

[Groaning]

Ow!

[Dexter] I'll hit the filing cabinet, you look in his desk.

[Schuylar] His desk is locked. I guess I just better look around.

- [Dexter] Medfield. - [Schuylar] That would be under "M."

[Dexter] I know what it would be under. Medfield College.

That's it.

[Schuylar] There's another room over here.

- What's in it? - Some sort of model.

[Dexter] "Dear Mr. Arno, In regard to your inquiry,

"the law of 1912 permitting gambling

"on the Medfield property is still in effect."

[Dexter] I've really stumbled onto something here.

[Schuylar] I found something, too.

It's a model of the school. Evidently, Arno's planning on changing it a lot.

- It has the craziest football field ever. - What's so crazy about it?

[Schuylar] It has no goal post and there's a lake in the middle of it.

[Dexter] Never heard of that!

- What are you talking about? - See what I mean!

[Dexter] That's not a football field anymore, that's a dog track.

[Schuylar] A dog track?

[Dexter] He's turning the college into a gambling joint.

Look where the gym used to be. Arno's Golden Horseshoe Club.

[Schuylar] The casino is replacing the library.

[Dexter] I knew that guy was up to something.

"Arno Town." Wait'll Dean Higgins gets a load of this.

Is he gonna change his opinion about A.J. Arno!

[Schuylar] Excuse me!

[Gun firing]

Wait, you!

Come back here, whoever you are!

- How'd it go? - [Dexter] Move over, Arno saw us!

But that's impossible. He couldn't see you.

[Dexter] Will you come on? He's after us.

But I'll look silly sitting over here all by myself.

[Schuylar] Will you get us out of here?

So you have the pictures,

but how do you expect to see Dean Higgins in the condition you're in?

[Dexter] We're not gonna see him tonight.

We'll wait till tomorrow when we're ourselves again.

[Debbie] If it's so important, why don't you see him tonight?

[Dexter] Because he's not here.

He's up at the Friendly Sons of the Forest Convention in Riverton.

The kids in that car can hear you.

[Dexter] Just play it like nothing's wrong. It'll be okay.

Hi, gang.

The zoning laws of 1912?

Casinos?

Dog racing?

Medfield College, a gambling town?

If Arno's got plans like these, he'll foreclose on that mortgage for sure.

I'll bet that's what he had on his mind all the time.

There's always the Forsythe Award.

That's a pipe dream, Lufkin. Medfield wasn't even invited.

They can't do that to us. We have it all locked up.

I thought Druffle's bumble bee experiment would open the eyes of the scientific world.

I wasn't talking about Druffle. I was talking about me.

- You! What do you have? - You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

- I'd have to show you. - Show me!

I can't. I'd rather wait till the day of the contest with Arno, and everything.

It's such a big discovery that if word got out, there's no telling what might happen!

How could word get out? Are you insinuating I'd shoot off my mouth?

No, sir. We're going to win the award. We just want you to trust us, that's all.

Trust you? This college is going to be taken over by a crook like Arno

and you want me to trust you, you big lummox?

- Just a minute, don't start yelling at me. - Take it easy.

I didn't want to be in on this in the first place!

If we don't get into the contest, we will lose the school.

Forsythe is staying at the Medfield Inn. Why don't you give him a call?

I'll bet you can talk us right back into the contest.

You think I could do it?

Sure, sir, you can handle that easily.

You can do that stuff really good.

I suppose I could do something, as a matter of fact.

Winifred, would you get me Mr. Forsythe at the Medfield Inn?

When you get right down to it, there's no reason for him to ignore us.

It's not as though we were a hick school.

Besides I've got a pretty good reputation in this part of the country.

[Winifred] Mr. Forsythe on the line.

Lufkin, grab the other phone and see how these things are handled.

[Forsythe] Hello?

Hello, Mr. Forsythe. This is Dean Higgins,

...from Medfield College.

Yeah, Higgins. Blasted!

I beg your pardon?

Nothing, I'm sorry. I just missed a put I should've made.

You can't put unless you really concentrate.

No, I've always said that.

- You're a golfer? - Yes!

- He's no golfer. - Good, what can I do for you?

It's about the Forsythe Award.

I'm sorry we're dropping the smaller colleges this year.

Frankly, it just became too much of a waste of time.

We're not a waste of time.

We're small but we have an excellent science department.

Yes, I know, but...

If you would just give me a chance, I would meet you anywhere, anytime.

Maybe I can fit you in.

I'm playing golf this morning at 10:00 with Collingsgood at Thunder Ridge.

Why don't you join us and we can chat between holes?

Is that Dean Collingsgood from State?

Yeah, what's the matter?

Nothing. That'll be wonderful.

Okay, first tee, 10:00, balls in the air. See you then.

Yes, I'll be there. Thank you very much, Mr. Forsythe.

- I've got to go change. - You're gonna play golf with Forsythe?

- What's the matter with that? - You don't play golf.

Yes, I do. I played just yesterday afternoon at Swenson's with Bertha.

Tough course, too. You gotta hit the ball up a ramp and right through a little castle.

- That's miniature golf. - It can't be that much different.

Don't worry about me. Besides it's the only chance we've got.

Looks like we got our work cut out for us today.

What do you mean?

I can handle the game, but you better be his caddy.

- I may need some help out there. - I don't know how to be a caddy.

That's all right. Dean Higgins doesn't know how to play golf either.

[Forsythe] That's cutting into the ball, Collingsgood.

- Good shot. - I was hoping for a little more distance.

It was straight, anyway.

[Collingsgood] What a shot, Timothy!

I'll take it. You're up, Higgins.

We better do something.

Let's let him hit one and we'll see.

You don't have any little castles here, I noticed.

Isn't that Dean Higgins down there? I didn't know he played golf.

I don't think he does.

Maybe that was just a mistake. Let's give him another chance.

He might be better than we think.

I guess I got under that one a little too much. It went...

Just another swing, I'll be out there with you fellas.

[Forsythe] That poor old man!

He's worse than we think.

Come on.

Hey, I might be able to use this.

Good luck.

- Are you all right, Mr. Reeves? - Yes, I think so.

Boy, that fellow can sure hit a long ball.

That ball didn't come from over there. It came from over there!

I don't know what happened there. I just sort of hit the edge of the club.

No offense, but people are waiting to play through. We don't want to hold them up.

Why don't you just take a nice, hot shower and call it a day?

I'll do nothing of the sort. I'm just getting warmed up.

Schuylar, which club do I use now?

In view of what I've seen so far, I don't know what to tell you.

Of course you don't! Just give me any club.

Next time, I'll pay $10 and get a real caddy.

Give me a second, gentlemen.

I'll knock it out there. We'll be on our way.

Let's face it. Higgins just isn't a golfer.

I could've told you that. The man's an impostor. Always has been.

He has no more business being on a golf course than...

Look!

That was a good one. Remember that club.

Seems to break to the left.

Hurry up, will you? We can't wait all day.

I want to get this put. If I do, I'll get my par.

Great Scott!

It does break to the left. Your shot, Collingsgood.

[Dexter] Now, watch this!

[Dexter] What's a nice ball like you doing in a place like this?

We'll give them something to talk about this time.

Perfect!

The farmer in the dell The farmer in the dell

Hi-ho, the dairy-o, The farmer in the dell

[laughs]

It's got to be around here some place.

Maybe it trickled up on the green.

Don't be silly. You could see it if it did.

Besides, you can't hit every ball on the green.

[Dexter] Schuylar, look in the hole.

- Huh? - [Dexter] Look in the hole!

[Schuylar] Look in the hole.

Why didn't I think of that! I'm gonna look in the hole.

Of course, in the hole. There's no other place.

There's that little Dickens!

- That's amazing! Absolutely amazing! - Isn't it?

If I didn't see it, I wouldn't believe it. That Higgins is a golfing phenomenon.

Do you know he's had two holes and one on the front nine?

What I don't understand is why nobody ever asked him to join the club?

Nobody ever thought he had that kind of talent.

It's still impossible to believe.

- [Dexter] I'm sorry. - That's okay.

How come you said that?

- What? - That's okay.

You just bumped into me and said you were sorry. So I said, "That's okay."

But I didn't bump into you.

- I'm sorry. - That's okay.

I believe that's a two.

That's all right. I'll give you that one.

He's already had four holes in one. Do you think he could make another one?

Would you keep these people quiet? This is very difficult.

People, please be quiet.

Dean Higgins is trying to concentrate.

[Ball bouncing off trees]

That's amazing, Higgins! I can't believe it!

- Schuylar, what club should we use here? - I think you ought to use this one, sir.

- You've had a lot of luck with it. - Good thinking.

[Dexter] It's not over yet. Get out of there.

That's one of the most incredible rounds of golf I've ever seen.

Thank you, but with all the excitement,

we forgot to mention Medfield's participation in the Forsythe Award.

Consider yourself entered. A man who plays golf like you,

how can we keep your school out? Let me buy you a drink.

I want to introduce you to some of the members.

I don't as a rule, but we mustn't forget Collingsgood.

- Come along, Edgar! - He can change his shoes in the car.

[Whistling]

[Water running]

Boss, I got the car... What's the matter? Is something wrong?

- I think I must be going nuts. - That's too bad, boss.

If you weren't my sister's son, I'd fire you!

- I always forget you're my uncle. - Take your hands off me.

I'm sorry I reminded you.

[Buzzer]

Winifred, if that's somebody else calling to congratulate me

would you just thank them and take their names?

Who? I'll talk to him, yes.

It's Collins, from TeleSports.

Hello, Mr. Collins.

Thank you. It was just one of those days, where I put everything together.

Challenge Golf?

I don't know. For how much?

Yes, you can count on me! I'll be there today!

Thank you.

Winifred, would you call the airport and get me two tickets to Oceanview City?

Then, get a hold of Richard Schuylar for me.

You know that $50,000 mortgage payment we're worried about?

We don't have to worry about that anymore.

Hey, Druffle. Where is everybody?

They're all out at the airport to see Dean Higgins off.

Where's he going?

Up to Oceanview. He's playing in a golf tournament.

Winner take all.

Dean Higgins is gonna play golf against pros?

Incidentally, Schuylar wants you to get to the airport as soon as you can.

- He says things are rather desperate. - Yeah, I'll bet.

Listen, what time does the plane leave?

- I think he said 10:30. - Oh, no!

[Tires screeching]

And furthermore, I want it to be known, that all the proceeds

from my golf victory today will go to Medfield College.

[Cheering]

- I wonder where Dexter is. - Will you forget about Dexter?

Oh, no! What's he doing out there?

I think he wants us to stop the plane, sir.

- What for? - He probably wants to get on board.

Don't you think maybe we ought to let him?

Of course not! What do we need with him? Sit back.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first tee.

The trouble on this hole are some trees on the left fairway,

but I don't think any of our golfers will have any trouble with that.

And here is Billy Casper, former Open champ,

considered by many to be one of the best putters on the tour.

Trying for the $50,000 first prize.

[Higgins] Billy.

You mind? This is a little something that could help you. I picked this up.

He seems to be getting a few tips from Dean Higgins, involving the hands.

Wrist, you know what I mean? Wrist.

[Reporter] That's a beauty. Higgins' tips obviously helped.

He's well away from the trouble. Out about 270 yards.

And here's controversial Dave Hill.

Former Vardon trophy winner.

A beautiful shot. He's right out there with Mr. Casper.

It'll be interesting to see how Dean Higgins' unorthodox swing

holds up against this competition.

There's a pro!

That's an interesting shot. I wonder what Dean Higgins has in mind.

I don't have time for interviews now. Maybe later.

[Reporter] We're watching Dean Higgins in his first attempt at getting out of a trap.

He's entering the trap now, assuming his stance.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're waiting for some word on Dean Higgins.

Here are our pros Dave Hill and Billy Casper.

- Where is he? - We're not sure.

- You mean, he's still out there on a safari? - I'm afraid so.

Our mobile crew thinks they've located him.

- He's around the 12th fairway. - Beautiful.

Jim, come in.

Tom, I've spotted his caddy by a thicket on the left side.

Dean Higgins must be in it because the caddy sure is passing in a lot of clubs.

It's out! Right...

Which club now?

I think you better use the one you got. It's the straightest one we have left.

We're sorry Dean Higgins can't be with us at this moment,

but something unprecedented has happened.

We seem to have lost him.

But in the meanwhile, we want to thank Dave Hill and Billy...

Just a moment.

Yes, Jim.

We seem to have found him. He's having trouble on the 13th hole.

If you ask me, I think we ought to throw it up there.

I didn't ask you. Besides we're on TV.

You want people to think I can't shoot my way out of a little difficulty?

Where'd it go?

But I'm getting all wet!

What do you think is happening to me? Just stay away!

I think you better turn around!

[Screaming]

Crazy, isn't it? How could a guy be so good one week and so lousy the next?

There's something weird going on around here, all right.

I'll lay you odds if you keep your eye on Dexter Riley and that creative lab,

you'll find out what it is.

Not one word.

I don't want to hear a single word.

You, take those things and get rid of 'em.

Yes, sir.

[Higgins] Come in!

- All right, what is it? - It's about the Forsythe Award, sir.

It's an idea of what Druffle plans to prove with his bumble bee experiments.

Of course, he will use real bees.

And here's more or less of an outline of what he's trying to prove.

Well, it looks very promising.

I think he's definitely on the brink of a solution.

I hope so, Lufkin, because frankly, I think that Druffle is our last chance.

[Buzzer]

Yes, Winifred?

[Winifred] I hate to disturb you, but could Druffle come in and see you?

Of course he can.

She lets every nincompoop in this school in here,

then she hesitates to let a real scholar like Druffle in.

[Knocking]

Yes, come in.

Mr. Lufkin has been explaining to me... Who are you?

[Mumbling]

- What did he say? - I don't know.

[Mumbles] The bees...

What's that again?

It's Druffle.

"Bitten by bumble bees. Doctor says I'm allergic to them.

"Will have to abandon experiment. Am taking pills. May be ready next year."

We're through! There goes the Forsythe Award.

There'll be no mortgage payment. Medfield is down the drain...

Not quite, sir. There's... Dexter Riley.

- He still thinks he has something. - He certainly does.

A mental condition, with that invisibility experiment.

Dean Higgins, who else have we got?

Nobody.

But Dexter Riley...

[Dexter] Okay, the first thing we have to do is get everything organized.

[Schuylar] Nobody seems to think we have a chance at winning this thing,

but Debbie, you and I, and I guess maybe Lufkin.

You didn't happen to talk to him, did you?

[Dexter] Lufkin didn't seem too enthused, but we can't pay attention to that.

After this showing, Medfield'll win the award money

and you and I'll be written up in every chemistry book in the world.

Me, written up in chemistry books? You gotta be kidding!

- What's the matter with that? - I flunked chemistry last semester.

That is kinda weird, isn't it? First things first. We'll spray you invisible.

As soon as you disappear, pick those things on the table up one at a time.

- It'll look like they're floating in the air. - That should look pretty good.

[Dexter] You're darn right, it'll look terrific. Let's rehearse it.

You're not gonna spray me tonight.

We want to see exactly how this thing works, don't we?

I've got a date in a half hour. I don't want that stuff all over me.

I'd have to take another shower.

This is the last time you'll do it. Now, hold still.

I said I didn't want to do it.

Dexter, now look what you've done!

[Loud crash]

Hold this. You better stay here.

[Cookie] Sorry I startled you, but I got my foot stuck in this bucket.

[Schuylar] Wonder how he did that?

You know, some people don't care how they look at all.

Boss, you are not going to believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes.

- Yeah, Cookie? You saw what? - I don't how to tell you. It's crazy.

- Tell me what it is. - You're gonna laugh at me.

So I'll laugh at you! Will you tell me what it is?

Well, this...

Excuse me.

This kid's got this spray, like they used to use for bugs...

- Cookie, you're aggravating me! - You spray people with...

Excuse me. I'm sorry, Al.

- It makes people... - It makes them what?

- You're not going to believe this. - Try me.

Invisible.

I believe you.

You see, I knew! I knew like I know my own name.

- You believe me? - You bet your sweet life, I do!

I knew there was something crazy going on around here.

Listen, birdbrain, this is what I want you to do.

[Forsythe] You know what I mean?

Good morning, Mr. Forsythe. It's so nice to see you again.

Nice to see you.

I saw you on the golf match on TV. Very funny.

- Funny, indeed. - I don't know what happened.

Golf isn't important. It's science.

Hope you have something interesting for me.

You should have seen our display last night.

A new version of a helio-spectrogram. Quite remarkable.

The Medfield Press predicted that State'll take first place with that one.

[Forsythe] The Medfield Press isn't going to pick the winner of this contest.

Medfield's display today, Rutland tomorrow.

Then we'll let me announce the winner Friday night, won't we?

- Yes, sir. - Better believe it.

You sure you got everything worked out? You're not worried?

Don't worry about me. I rise to the occasion when I perform in front of people.

As soon as you finish your act, give Debbie the signal.

She'll pour the water on you. This thing'll be terrific.

Right this way, Mr. Forsythe. Good morning.

Distinguished deans, honorable scholars, please come this way.

This would be a good place to watch.

This is Dexter Riley and his assistant.

Nice to know you, young people.

What've you got to show us?

We've come up with something very extraordinary on invisibility.

- You're not kidding us, are you? - I don't think so.

Why don't you just sit down?

Let me explain the procedure to you, so that no one will be alarmed.

I'm going to spray this substance on Mr. Schuylar and he will disappear.

He will then go to the table and raise those objects. He will talk as he does this,

so that you will know that it's his invisible body raising the objects.

All right?

Now, watch closely.

You don't see me, but... I am now walking toward the table.

Now you will see a vase.

It is floating in the air.

But it is not floating in the air.

Although you cannot see me,

- I am holding the vase. - Schuylar!

I am now walking back to the table.

This ball.

It seems to be bouncing by itself.

However it is not. It is I who am bouncing the ball.

We've had enough of this. Come along!

[Forsythe] You call this science.

It's a disgrace to the academic world. That's what it is.

Don't apologize, Dean!

It may have been a simple error in the formula.

[Schuylar] I guess they've seen enough. I'm over here.

You can hit me with the water now. I don't want to stay invisible too long.

Pretty good, huh? But listen, next time try some lukewarm water.

Okay?

This isn't our formula. This is just colored water.

- What do you mean? - You didn't disappear.

I don't understand it, but somebody must've snuck in here and changed it.

Nobody knew about it, but the three of us.

- Hi, kids. - Hi, Charlie

You mean I never was invisible?

You didn't tell anybody, did you?

You didn't tell anybody, did you?

- Tell them what? - Charlie.

- That other janitor, what's his name? - There's no other janitor.

There was on Tuesday night.

There's no janitor who works here on Tuesday nights.

Part of Dean Higgins' economy plan.

- And you know the dean. - Yeah, I do.

Thanks a lot!

It was that fake janitor that made the switch, whoever he was.

I've seen that face somewhere before.

- What face? - Arno's chauffeur.

Arno with that stuff could be murder.

- I wonder what he's gonna do with it. - And how are we going to find that out?

Maybe we should let him tell us.

Testing, one, two, three, four.

[Dexter] Loud and clear. Good luck.

Aren't those beautiful!

- They're for Mr. Arno. Is he in? - They're gorgeous!

I'll take them in.

No, I'm sorry, but there's a message involved.

We have to deliver them in person. There's a message for Mr. Arno.

I see. Okay, just a minute.

Mr. Arno, there are some delivery boys out here with some flowers for you.

Flowers for me? Who'd be sending me flowers?

[Secretary] I don't know, sir.

Tell them to leave 'em.

Sir, there's a message involved.

They say they have to deliver them in person.

All right, send them in.

Who'd be sending me flowers?

Mr. Arno, sir, these flowers are for you.

Ready?

[Humming]

(music) Happy birthday to you

(music) Happy birthday to you

(music) Happy birthday, Mr. Arno

(music) Happy birthday to you (music)

Signed E.J. Higgins, Dean of Medfield College.

But it isn't even my birthday. What's this all about?

Why's he sending me flowers?

I don't know, maybe he just likes you.

- What? - We can't take them back.

It really does liven up your office.

Cookie, take care of them, will you?

- They're plastic, too. - You don't have to water them.

Just leave 'em alone and they'll last forever.

That's good to know. Thank you very much, boys.

I'll be sure to thank the dean when I see him. Goodbye.

That takes care of the first part. We gotta set up a watch on this radio day and night

till we find out what's going on.

[Arno] Get a load of Dean Higgins sending me flowers.

He must really be in a panic.

He must think I'm going to foreclose on him. You know something, he's right!

[Guard] All right, let's give us a little room, would you please.

What do you know, a bank taking in money. That's pretty good.

In this area, Friday's payday. The bank cashes a lot of paychecks.

People coming in from all over.

So, if you ever need any dough on a Friday, you know where to come.

That's pretty good.

- So long, Mr. Arno. - I'll be seeing you.

[Cookie] 20 more points, I got you in a blitz.

I wish you'd concentrate. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you.

You threw this eighter?

- Again? Man, you are killing me. - I don't know why you threw me the eight.

[Cookie] You know I need the eight. Why'd you throw it?

- I needed the eight. - [Alfred] I did not know.

If I'd known, I wouldn't have thrown it to you.

Okay, boys, put the cards away. We got business.

- Big business. - [Cookie] What's up, chief?

Alfred, first of all, I want you to go out and get a car.

Something nondescript that people won't notice.

Use a phony name, so it can't be traced back to us.

I'm on my way.

I'm on my way.

- But his ice cream will melt. - Will you shut up and listen?

Cookie, this will be the first one of many.

If there was a chance of getting caught, I wouldn't try it, but there's no way.

Invisible men walk into the bank.

Spray the money invisible. Invisible men walk out.

- The crime of the century. - [Cookie] What are you talking about?

Cookie, at exactly 1:00 today, you and I are hitting the Medfield Bank.

Vertical line, add on, using the principle of repetition...

we see what is commonly referred to as the Roman Keyhole effect.

But this in fact can be traced back to the early Phoenicians.

Early Phoenician art can be traced back

to the Franco-Cantabian-Paleolithic age,

when the first implements fashioned by the hand and mind of man appeared.

A fascinating question arises as to whether western naturalistic art

ever made contact with the Caspian and Neolithic pre-Egyptian world.

In order to study the Phoenician art form,

we must first investigate the lifestyle of the period.

And the accomplishments of these people.

Pssst!

[Professor] It is interesting to note...

- Pssst! - [Professor]... that the color purple

was first found by the early Phoenicians in a Mediterranean shellfish...

Excuse me, Professor.

...by the name of Murex.

- Excuse me. - That is found in the Mediterranean Sea.

An extract by the name of Murex.

Murex, which is spelled...

M...

M...

So, that's what they're planning.

If we can get that formula back, we can still win that award.

They don't announce the winner till tonight.

You go to the police and tell them what you heard.

The rest of us will go down to the bank. Let's go!

Now, you're sure about this?

You could be in an awful lot of trouble if you're wrong.

Yes, sir, I understand that. I'll guarantee it.

Burns, I think you better go around and warn all the tellers.

But Mr. Sampson...

I'm not saying shoot to kill.

Just to keep an eye on him, that's all.

Excuse me, sir, keeping an eye on him won't do any good.

Why not?

You won't be able to see them.

What?

You see, they'll be invisible.

And they'll make the money invisible too,

so... you really won't see anything.

You'll just find the money gone. That's all.

How do you propose to stop all this?

In order to make the money visible, all we have to do is wet them down.

Wet them down?

Wet them down, I see.

I suppose you're suggesting we drive a fire truck right in here to the bank.

Something like that?

I didn't mean that exactly.

This is the biggest bunch of nonsense I've ever heard in my life.

Burns, you may return to your duties.

Good day, Mr. Riley.

Mr. Sampson...

- What happened? - What'd he say?

- He wouldn't believe us. - Nobody believes us.

Hey, guys! How'd it go?

[Dexter] Nothing. What did the police say?

- They said I was nuts. - It's enough to drive you crazy.

We could solve the school's problems and save the bank,

if we could just get somebody to listen to us!

Wait a second! Water!

Don't you see? Go to the hardware store and get a fire hose and a wrench.

- Hurry up. We haven't got much time left. - Let's go!

- [Dick] Here he comes. - [Dexter] Get down!

[Cookie] How 'bout this? A spot right in front of the joint!

[Arno] Just don't hit the car in back of you, stupid!

[Footsteps]

Hurry, those guys are in there already.

A few more of these and we can break for lunch.

It's about time. My stomach's been growling for the last hour.

Why don't we go to Eddy's? He's got great chili.

[Yelping]

We don't have to have chili. We could have hot dogs and beans.

What's the matter with you?

[Arno] Cookie, spray all the loot, then put that thing under your coat.

Gotcha, boss.

- [Cookie] This stuff really works! - [Arno] Okay, let's get out of here.

- Come on, Schuylar, step on it! - I am!

Will you hurry? They'll be gone in a second!

It's stuck! I bet nobody's turned it in years.

Give it all you got!

[Cookie] This money's heavier than I thought.

[Arno] Will you keep quiet?

Come on, they're getting away!

Got it!

Those are the wrong guys!

Turn it off!

They're heading for the West End.

You and Dick, get down to Taylor Street. See if you can't cut 'em off at Osbourne.

Burns, what's happened?

I don't know. I was just standing here and the lights went out.

That kid was right. Why didn't you listen to him?

Operator, get me the police.

[Cookie] Nice day, officer.

[Cookie] It's them kids!

- What do we do, boss? We're trapped. - [Arno] I'll show you!

- [Gunshots] - [Screaming]

Everybody stay down.

- [Air hissing from tire] - [Schuylar] Oh, no.

Okay, kids, clear out or we're coming out to get you!

Dexter, maybe we'd better be on our way.

Schuylar, stay behind your car.

[Sirens wailing]

[Cookie] Now we got cops. I don't like it.

[Schuylar] The police! Come on, Sergeant.

[Dexter] We got 'em trapped.

Watch out!

What's going on here? Let's get these cars out of here.

- I got to get to a bank robbery. - We got the robbers trapped in that car.

- You what? - You can't see them, that's all.

- You what? - You can't see them, that's all.

Don't you give me any more of that invisible nonsense.

I had enough down at the station!

[Gunshot]

You know something, boy, I'm beginning to believe you.

- Shall we shoot, Sarge? - What at?

- [Arno] Let's get out of here. - [Cookie] You're the boss.

[Sergeant] They're going to ram us. Let's go.

Let's get out of here!

My insurance!

Murph, they hit our unit!

Come on, let's get that thing!

- [Schuylar] Dexter, a car! - [Dexter] Hold on!

[Cookie] We're in trouble. The cops are getting closer.

[Arno] You're telling me. I got it! Spray the car invisible.

[Cookie] Boss, you're a genius.

[Sirens wailing]

[Arno] Will you hurry up? We haven't got all day.

[Cookie] There's no cop on earth could touch us now.

Go to the right of that truck, Murph. Slow down, it's an intersection.

Don't worry, Sarge, it's clear as a bell.

[Cookie] It's the cop's car! How could he hit us?

[Arno] Because he didn't see us.

[Cookie] Come on, let's get out of here.

[Tires screeching]

- What'd you hit? - I don't really know.

I bet they sprayed the car invisible.

- You know something, I think he's right. - We hit something.

See you, Sarge.

Wait a minute. Crazy kids.

Look out, Murphy!

Attention, all cars.

Bank robbers headed south on Osbourne St. Near 10th.

- In an invisible car. - [Dispatch] An invisible what, Sarge?

You heard me, I said invisible car.

There's a bunch of kids in a dune buggy tailing them.

When you see 'em, close in. Out.

That's the problem with the department. No imagination.

What's so strange about an invisible car?

Nothing.

We can't be too far behind him.

Keep your eyes open for anything.

There he is!

[Arno] Stop, you're gonna hit those guys.

[Cookie] I can't. The kids are right behind me.

- There he is! - Look out!

[Arno] Watch it, watch it.

Watch it!

- [Debbie] We're gonna get wet. - [Dexter] Hold on.

- What'd you go up on the sidewalk for? - Do you want to drive?

- There's no top. - Be careful.

All right!

Sergeant Cassidy, come in please.

This is Sgt. Cassidy.

The invisible vehicle eluded us. He's evidently following Fuller St. Out of town.

Have your men follow three abreast,

I'll have the highway patrol set up a roadblock near the park. Out.

- Roger. - He won't get away from us this time.

Not this time.

[Arno] They think they got us! Pull over to the side of the road. Let the kids go by.

[Dexter] Those guys aren't doing anything.

We must've passed right by 'em.

[Arno] Now, Cookie, take us home.

We'll hit the showers and set up our alibi.

[Cookie] Okay, boss, but I hope you know what you're doing.

What happened to the invisible car?

Probably let you slip by them, then went back the other way.

But don't worry, we'll get him. In fact, he's practically in our hands right now.

- [Cookie] We lost 'em. - [Arno] Sure.

[Arno] Down the bridle path.

[Horn beeping]

- [Horses whinnying] - [Horn beeping]

[Cookie] Hey, get them nags out of the way here!

[Horn continues beeping]

He broke through the bridle trail and headed down Peppertree Lane.

He's probably heading south.

I'll alert the Riverton police department.

In the meantime, your units can head on down there.

- Right. - Officer, can I speak to the sergeant?

- I'm sorry, it's for official use only. - I gotta speak to him. He's all wrong.

Yeah, I'm sure of that. All right, fellas, move out for Riverton.

- Where to now? - [Dexter] To see Sgt. Cassidy.

- Why? - Because I think he's wrong.

[Sirens wailing]

I wonder what Cassidy'll say this time.

Whoever did this is just like any other crook. He's got the money.

Now all he wants to do is get as far away from this town as possible.

If you ask me, he's on his way to Riverton right now.

Arno's different. He'll want to come back, become visible and establish an alibi.

Son, that's just a guess. We've got this whole thing figured out.

It's about time you got here.

I'm sorry, Sarge. They had me out looking for an invisible car.

I think the department's going nuts.

You do? Come on, let's get to Riverton.

We might as well go on home. We've done all we can here.

- Wait a second, we have to get my car. - I forgot about that thing.

What do you mean, "that thing"?

[Arno] Look out for the police car!

That's him. By golly, the kid was right, Murph.

Attention, all units. Invisible car now going north on Osbourne.

How could you expect us to change the tire when you haven't got a spare?

You could've patched it or something. You guys had plenty of time.

- You can't patch that thing. Look at it. - [Sirens wailing]

Wait a minute. You guys hear those sirens? They must've found Arno.

It sounds like he's headed for Highland Park.

- That's where Arno lives. - Chester Ave. Is the only way in there.

If we block it off, we've got him caged in, right? Let's go!

How am I gonna get there? I got a flat tire.

Ride your rim.

- Come on, Schuylar, bring it over here. - I'm coming.

- Schuylar, hurry up! - I can't. I think I'm out of gas.

Come on, let's shove him in.

- Come on! - [Dexter] Push!

[Arno] Is this as fast as this thing'll go?

[Cookie] I got it floored, boss. I don't know what more you want me to do.

- [Arno] Go through there. - [Cookie] Gotcha.

We're out of control, boss.

Let's go!

Oh, my God!

What's going on?

- What happened? - You idiot!

- There they are! - A pool.

- There's the formula. - It's over there.

- Boss, I can't swim. - Good!

Don't just stand around. Let's get him out of there!

[Sergeant] Pull them out. Get 'em over to the police car.

- [Arno] You stupid... - Knock it off. Get 'em over there.

- Come on. - Got it!

There still might be time. Let's go. Hurry!

Look at him. The winner won't be announced for five minutes

and there he is accepting congratulations.

The man is disgusting.

That improvement in the helio-spectrogram was really something.

- I'm afraid he deserves to win. - He does not!

If Druffle hadn't been bitten by those bumble bees,

we'd have had this thing locked up.

He's winning by forfeit. He's always pulling something like this.

The man's behavior is practically criminal.

Eugene, how nice to see you.

Hello, Collingsgood. Congratulations.

You can't congratulate me now. There are four minutes left.

We don't even know who won yet.

There's Mr. Forsythe on the platform. Will you excuse me?

I want to get close, so I don't have to fight through the crowd

- when the announcement is made. - Certainly.

He doesn't know who the winner is going to be,

but he wants to be close, so he doesn't have to fight his way through the crowd.

[Tires screeching]

I hope we're not too late.

[Dexter] Forsythe, wait a second!

Have you announced the winner yet?

- No. - We've still got time then.

We got it!

The real formula got stolen and we just got it back.

If you'll let us demonstrate, it'll just take a second.

It sounds unbelievable, but go ahead.

Thanks. Okay, Schuylar, get over there.

Not with the invisibility again!

They're not going to get away with it this time.

Okay, I'm ready.

If you just watch closely, it only takes two squirts.

Stop that!

Sorry, Dean, I didn't mean to get it on...

- You didn't disappear. - He's still there.

Of course, I didn't disappear.

Can you get it through your thick heads once and for all

nobody is going to disappear?!

I don't know why they insist on ridiculing me.

First that Schuylar walks around...

- Something's happened. - Smells like chlorine.

- It does. - Maybe some pool water got into it.

Maybe it's just diluted.

There is no such thing as invisibility.

There it goes!

[Higgins] I think I'll go home. You should too, you're getting that blank look again.

Congratulations once more.

You ought to start working out. Your grip isn't what it used to be.

Goodbye, folks. People certainly get carried away at these parties.

[Screaming]

[Higgins] Thanks for the invitation, Mr. Forsythe.

What's the matter with everyone? Are they going crazy?

[Screaming]

[Higgins] My dear fella, you ought to get other work.

You're making everybody nervous.

I've never seen people act so strange.

I wonder what was in that champagne. I'll have to...

[screaming]

What's he doing lying on the floor?

What a dream! Wait a minute, I'm here?

It wasn't a dream?

It certainly wasn't.

Dean Eugene Higgins...

I take great pride in presenting this check to Medfield College.

$50,000. The Forsythe Science Award,

for your massive contribution to the advancement of science.

That was close!

That was close!

We just won the award by the skin of our teeth.

[Dexter] We sure did. At least Higgins can pay off that $50,000 mortgage now.

- The school's good for another year. - [Debbie] But that's the problem.

He was able to come up with $50,000 this year because you invented invisibility.

But next year he's got to come up with $50,000 again.

Plus, I discovered invisibility by accident.

How many times is something like that gonna happen?

[Schuylar] Don't start borrowing trouble. This year's all taken care of, right?

As far as next year is concerned, don't worry about it.

I'll think of something.

I am 57!

Horseshit!

All right. 61.

He's too old. He's not married.

He's not anything that diary said.

You said kids invent things.

And you saw her.

She stared right at him.

It's him!

It's not anyone we've seen!

How do you know?

Because it's me.

You.

Me.

Say something, Victor.

Hit me.

Hit him.

Not hitting me feels worse than if you did.

How'd it happen?

It was my fault.

I take full responsibility.

That's big of you.

It was the night of the wedding.

Ah, romance was in the air.

Birds, music, dancing, drums.

Everything at once.

Blame it on Rio, eh?

I wasn't thinking what I was doing.

You understand.

It's only when a man is not thinking of what he's doing

that you can be sure he's doing what he's thinking.

Thanks.

You were by my side

the whole time we were looking for him.

What a horse's ass you must have thought I was.

I didn't have the courage.

Who asked you for the courage now?

Why'd you have to tell me?

In spite of it all,

I'm your friend.

If you were really my friend,

you would've kept quiet about what you did.

Which you never would've done

if you were really my friend.

Hit me.

Please.

Will you really feel worse if I don't?

Terrible.

Good night, Matthew.

Wrong is the urge

that I feel to be simple

when the light falls just right

and her eyes are inviting me

and who in the world

is immune to the sensual moon

chills up my spine

tell me I'm just the victim

without hope to resist

it's a fever that tears me down

and if by some chance

they should happen to stumble on a cure

don't tell me

once temptation gets

the best of me

will these restless feelings stir

there's trouble

once temptation gets the best of me

then I'm helpless next to her

chills up my spine tell me I'm just the victim...?

Psst!

Matthew!

I want to talk to you.

Did you tell him?

Yes.

Why aren't you in bed?

I was just going.

Go to sleep.

Come on.

Come on down!

Careful! Careful!

Quick, get in the car. Come on.

Where are we going?

Nowhere. Get in.

You really told him? I'm so proud of you.

You're probably the only one who is.

Oh, Matthew.

Wait, wait

it's got to stop. Really.

We can't go on. Not a minute longer.

But now that he knows-

it makes our relationship even more impossible.

Stop hiding behind words like "relationship."

We're in love. You said.

I was hoping, in my usual dumb fashion

that whenever it ended

it would be without your father ever knowing.

But now he does-

must be Nicky.

I'm too old for this.

Hiding in front seats like a teenager.

Next thing you know, my skin'll be breaking out

if this doesn't kill your respect for me-

nothing can.

You didn't really mean what you said.

Please don't.

That's only going to work...

and it can't.

Matthew-

good night!

Matthew...

I love you so.

Jennifer...

you know you love me.

Don't you understand?

That doesn't matter.

That's all that matters.

I just think you ought to come right away.

Are you all right?

Nicole?

Dad needs you. He's in real trouble.

What's happened? Is he hurt?

He's going to be, mom, and not just him.

Jennifer! Get your stuff out here!

10 minutes!

We're getting the hell out of this goddamn paradise!

Up yours!

Jennifer! Let's go

Victor-

out of my way, blue eyes. You think I'm leaving

my share of the groceries here, you're nuts.

Give me a minute.

A minute? I'd like to give you life!

Stop shouting!

I just want you to know that I'm not somebody

who hangs around schoolyards in a raincoat.

Try it. You'd be very good

I'll give you a letter of recommendation.

I felt very deeply for Jennifer.

Real affection.

Touching.

Even so, I made up my mind to give her up

I told her I was giving her up.

You bet your ass you are!

But I can't.

I care for her too much.

Why the hell wouldn't you?

She's adorable, sweet, smart, innocent.

Mostly! You'd have to be even more senile

than you are not to care for her.

I am not senile.

I'm crazy about her.

What the hell are you doing, asking for her hand?

With this teething ring, I thee wed?

Is that it?

You want permission to marry?

Ask your wife first. That's better manners.

Hey, but wait a minute, if she says no,

maybe you and Karen could adopt Jennifer.

I could still see her. I could baby-sit.

She is a woman, Victor. She's very mature.

Too bad we can't say the same thing about you!

I love her. It's as simple as that

sure, you do! What else can you say?

I'm serious!

I never thought I could care this much again!

You say that one more time, I'll take your head off!

Victor!

Karen. What are you doing here?

Let Matthew go.

Why did you leave Bahia? Are you all right?

Nicky called. She said you were in trouble.

Me, in trouble?

There's no trouble here?

Is that what you're telling me?

Victor is choking you just for laughs?

Victor, stop it! Stop acting like a maniac!

Me? You want to hear maniac?

Ok, here you go. Tell her!

Hold it!

It's tough for you. I'll tell her.

Tell me what? Wait!

Brace yourself

stop preparing me!

Karen, I've been unfaithful.

Matthew!

Is this a joke?

Wait'll you hear the punch line.

Matthew?

It's true.

Ask him with who.

Shut up, Victor!

Karen, can we be alone?

I think you have been alone long enough.

Who is she?

Jennifer.

Jennifer who?

Jennifer?

Cute little sweet little Jennifer?

Yeah.

That little bitch.

Wait a minute. Jennifer's my daughter.

Exactly! How could you let this happen?

Me? How could I let it happen?

He had no idea.

Does Nicky know?

Nicky who? You bastard.

I didn't mean to be a bastard.

Oh, I know. It's just a gift.

Is that your composition, dear?

"What I did on my summer vacation."

I came here as fast as I could

because I thought you needed me.

You didn't need me. You were fine.

A fantasy come true.

Gidget goes to Rio

and what the hell is wrong with you?

Were you blind?

I had no idea. They were alone. I was out every night.

Oh, really?

No big deal. Just for dinner.

I'm sure.

Why do you have to explain to her?

I don't. Really.

Exactly. What you do is none of my business.

What you do is.

But it's important that you understand-

Victor, this is between Matthew and me.

I'm not just an outsider here.

Right now you are.

Victor, you have every right to be hurt.

I know how much you love her.

Who said I love her?

Victor!

Are you saying you don't love Jennifer?

Of course I love her. What do you take me for?

Who did you think I meant?

What's going on here?

I've wanted to tell you, Matthew.

It's what I went away to think about.

Tell me what?

We're in love. No, we're not!

What do you mean, "we're in love"?

What do you mean we're not?

Quiet, both of you! I can't lead a double life.

You had that kind of marriage. I don't.

Are you two having an affair?

Were.

Were having an affair?

You and Victor?

What's even worse, Victor and you?

He's offended, Mr. Clean.

No wonder you were so upset she wasn't coming.

More upset than you.

So preoccupied all the time. So injured. So self-righteous.

Sleeping with someone else's wife doesn't count?

At least your wife isn't anybody's daughter

how could you?

How could I?

Mom?

Nicky, darling.

How could you?

We were in love. That makes a difference.

love?

We weren't just looking for a thrill.

Is that why you did it?

Listen to this...

"Matthew dearest, I don't want to go on without you.

"I'll dream of you eternally."

The last time we were together like this,

we were waiting for her to be born.

Victor?

As strange as it may sound,

I love you.

Senhor Lyons?

Yes?

We've done all we can.

She's out of danger.

Thank God.

I had no idea she had any sleeping pills.

How many did she take?

None.

None?

Your daughter took an overdose

of birth control pills.

That's not a problem, is it?

She's not gonna grow a beard or anything like that?

No.

Is she allowed visitors, doctor?

One, perhaps, and...

for just a moment.

Hello, Aunt Karen.

The doctor said you're going to be fine.

They pumped my stomach

mmm.

I'm not on any kind of machine, am I?

Believe me, Jennifer,

there's not a plug in here worth pulling.

All you need is rest.

I've got some sleeping pills if you'd like.

You're angry.

No. It'll take a while to be angry.

I've got to get over furious first, you little shit.

When you get older,

and obviously you're going to get a second chance at that,

you'll find you can't have whatever you want,

and there's a price for everything you get

and sometimes other people have to pay it.

He loves you.

He told me.

That you talked together bothers me more than anything.

It's all my fault, really.

He never had a chance.

Men seldom do.

Please...

don't hate me.

It's more like envy.

Karen?

Go away.

Nicky?

Go away. This is a recording.

What do you want?

There's no other bed.

Bastard.

Prick.

And to think I said I love you.

To who? To you

you love anything that stands still.

Unlike some people I know.

Screw you.

Bloody hypocrite.

I used to feel guilty about me and Karen.

Just don't think that my being with Jennifer

lets you off the hook.

Move over.

You don't deserve her, you know that?

Which one?

Both. Either.

Neither do you.

Tough. Karen's not going back.

Like hell she isn't!

I thought you wanted Jennifer!

Give me some! Give me half!

Half? You want half? Who are you, my goddamn wife?

You want to be Jennifer's mother, too?

Stop throwing Jennifer up to me!

And you can stop pretending

you've got some kind of moral superiority

because you are a fraud!

No wonder you wouldn't hit me when you found out!

Still want me to hit you? Huh?

Yeah? How about now?

Fine!

Get up so I can kill you!

Aah!

No biting!

Hey! Come here!

Aah!

Jeez! No kicking!

You can't get rabies from kicking!

Aah!

Let go!

I'll kill you!

Shut up!

Aah!

Watch it! Those are my balls

are you kidding?

I couldn't find them with a magnifying glass!

It was quite simply the worst night of my life.

My embarrassment compounded by the fact

that Victor had now slept with

2 out of the 3 members of my family.

Jennifer, I was just gonna pick you up.

I got a ride. Lorenzo drove me.

You all right? How do you feel?

Fine.

Where'd you meet Lorenzo?

At the hospital. Lorenzo!

He took wonderful care of me.

He's studying to be a doctor.

I want you to meet my father.

Oh.

It's a great pleasure, sir.

Him.

Get your stuff. We're going.

That's what I wanted to ask you.

What?

Can I stay?

Stay where?

Here. We still have the house for another week.

Nicky'll stay with me, wouldn't you?

Could I?

Are you staying?

No.

Then you can stay.

You don't mind leaving them alone?

You mean they might not behave as well as we did?

Lorenzo will look out for us.

He said he would.

What the hell do I know about Lorenzo?

He's 21.

He's perfect. I love him.

Ok, I better go call the airlines and tell them.

Victor!

Come see the house. It's beautiful. Nicky?

It all worked out very neatly...

except for me, the odd man out.

Well, no complaints. I made my own bed.

I just never thought I'd wind up in it alone.

Uncle Matthew, you were right, you know.

I can't imagine about what.

That was a dream I had on the beach

a beautiful dream.

Will you forget me

the minute I die.

I'm serious. I don't know when.

Your own divorce and you don't know when?

I can get it tomorrow if I want to cave in to her lawyers.

Otherwise, it's gonna take months.

Months?

At least.

And then?

It'll be over. I'll be free.

Mmm.

Just about the time I could be.

Yeah.

Careful, Victor.

Don't let your enthusiasm run away with you.

Karen, we don't want to rush into anything.

Not a second time, certainly.

Don't panic, Victor, I have no demands.

We helped each other through a bad time.

Can I still see you?

I don't think so, Victor.

Why not?

Your fly is open.

Not now.

Just most of the time.

You going to Sao Paulo

I guess.

I'm going to Bahia

it figures.

My hotel room's paid for the month.

Right. What's Victor up to?

He's packing.

Mm-hmm.

Have you got room in your bag for these?

Don't you want them in Bahia?

They're going to Bahia.

I don't understand.

You're going to Bahia.

We've got a lot to talk about, Matthew.

Do you want to talk?

You think I want to throw 20 years away

just because of your foolishness?

Or mine?

Karen-

it's going to be a long haul, Matthew.

There's an awful lot for both of us to forget.

Let alone forgive.

Mm-hmm.

No more "mmms," Matthew.

I want you to talk to me.

Reach down in your feelings

and tell me what you're thinking,

what you're afraid of.

I want you to stop bottling it all up.

I'll do my best.

I'll take your worst, too. Just share with me.

I'll do my worst.

We better hurry.

Victor... wait.

Come on.

I'm so glad we got to stay.

They're coming. I'm gonna talk to my mom.

What's happening?

We're leaving.

You and mom, as in together?

We'll be at Club Med in Bahia.

Goodbye, Jennifer.

Goodbye, Uncle Matthew.

Nicky, uh...

I love you, too.

We've got a lot to talk about.

I know.

I'm so glad you're leaving

I'll see you back in Sao Paulo.

Goodbye, Uncle Victor.

Goodbye, Nick.

And thanks for whatever you did.

I didn't do anything.

Thank God somebody didn't.

Goodbye, Aunt Karen.

Goodbye, Jennifer. Take care of yourself.

Try not to play with anything sharp.

We gotta move.

What's that?

Sunglasses.

The other thing.

Uh, I-I don't know.

Nothing.

And I've heard all I want out of you.

Go.

Terrific. I wind up being your driver.

I hope you're better at that than being a friend.

You're kidding. After what you've done

I don't know how you can look me in the face.

Which one, Victor?

Which face did you have in mind?

It's hard to realize

a whole year has gone by since then.

Victor finally got his divorce,

then he and his wife turned around

and married each other again.

Victor said it's because she wanted to get

the other half of everything he owned.

With Karen and me,

it wasn't really a case of happily ever after.

We were lucky to get any kind of ever after at all.

I figure we're a few months away from happily.

But we'll make it.

You only live once,

but it does help if you get to be young twice.

...moonlight on the sea

Might have been the warm and friendly

feeling everywhere

but something wild came over you and me

And we felt our inhibitions

melt away in snow

Though we tried to fight it

you and I

Just about the time

discretion should have said hello

we watched our good intentions

wave goodbye

What if we both went a little bit crazy?

Blame it on Rio

What if our hearts got a little bit hazy?

Blame it on Rio

What if we acted like fools

broke a few rules?

What do we care?

Blame it on Rio

What if we both went a little bit crazy?

Blame it on Rio

What if our hearts got a little bit hazy?

Blame it on Rio

What if we acted like fools

broke a few rules?

What do we care?

Blame it on Rio.