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You see this house here?
2
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,200
There.
3
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,640
The bloke that used to live
in there, right,
4
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,520
kept hearing strange noises
coming out of his attic at night.
5
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,880
And he'd go to the fridge
6
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,040
and find that food was missing
from the fridge.
7
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,120
So he thought, "I'm just going to go
up to the attic and check this out."
8
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,520
And he found an entire family
of Peruvian panpipe buskers
9
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,920
just living up there.
10
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,160
And he thought, "I'm just
going to leave them to it,
11
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,960
"cos they're not really
doing me any harm."
12
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,480
And then, a few years later,
he thought,
13
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,560
"Well, I'll just go up to the
attic to check on them.
14
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,440
"See if they're all right."
15
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,920
And it turned out they'd all died
of asbestos poisoning.
16
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,120
Yeah, he doesn't live
there any more.
17
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,160
He lives in Stroud,
cos it's closer to his work.
18
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:03,840
Loads has happened, hasn't it?
19
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,920
Loads has happened since you've last
been here. You missed so much. Er...
20
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,600
You missed the duck race.
The duck race.
21
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,080
Vicar fucked that one up, didn't he?
Absolutely fucked it. Fucking hell.
22
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,000
Kurtan's got a new girlfriend,
haven't you?
23
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,440
Yeah, I have, actually.
24
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,760
Called Sophie Elizabeth Huxley.
25
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,120
But I call her Soph.
26
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,720
Yeah, and she also lets me call
her Soph, as well, doesn't she?
27
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:22,840
Yeah, she does.
28
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,040
Well, I was on Tinder for a bit.
29
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,080
But I wasn't getting any matches,
so... You didn't get one match.
30
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:32,720
Yeah. Not one match.
31
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,800
That's only cos no-one
round here is on Tinder,
32
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,760
so, you know, I had to keep setting
my radius further and further
33
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,200
and further,
then the radius got to France.
34
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,480
And it just got silly by the end.
You know.
35
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,880
I can't afford to be going back
and forth on the tunnel
36
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,440
every other weekend to take
some French frog out bowling.
37
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,320
No way. You know...
38
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,560
So, then, one evening, I was
on Facebook and it popped up,
39
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,880
"People you might know."
40
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,880
Yeah, so he messaged every
girl on there, saying,
41
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,480
"Hey, what is your spirit animal?"
42
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,640
Icebreaker. Icebreaker.
43
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,520
And then Soph was actually
the first one to reply, saying,
44
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,440
"Giraffe, what about you?"
45
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,480
And I said, "Whatever animal
has sex with a giraffe."
46
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,640
And she found it a laugh. Yeah.
47
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:16,160
A lot of girls don't find
that a laugh, though.
48
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,040
Especially if their spirit animal
49
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,120
was a hamster
or their dead nan. Yeah.
50
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,680
I just decided to sack off college
altogether, in the end.
51
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,400
Especially now I got Soph.
52
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,760
To be honest, didn't really
want to go in the first place,
53
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,040
but the vicar was just trying
to push me into it.
54
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,840
Basically, just trying
to live his dream to me.
55
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,840
Anyway, he's latched onto Kerry now.
56
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,560
And he's leeching the life
out of her.
57
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,240
She can't see how toxic he is.
58
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,600
So, the trick is to just
get the trowel in like that.
59
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,200
VOICEOVER: It's been an interesting
few months, actually.
60
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,960
I've been spending a lot more
time with Kerry, which is great.
61
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,280
She's come on leaps and bounds,
with regard to her outlook on life.
62
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,080
Oh, who's been nicking
after them runners?
63
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,400
They're absolutely fucked.
Sorry for saying...
64
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,280
Cos I've changed massively
since you've been here last.
65
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,000
Cos I've reformed myself.
66
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,320
Cos I've been hanging out
with the vicar and that,
67
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,680
and he's sort of taught me
the way of the world.
68
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,960
Like, how to be kind to others
69
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:15,080
and treat people the
way I always want to be treated.
70
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,000
This is marvellous.
It's lovely, isn't it?
71
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,880
Some people will always
be scared of me,
72
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,080
and I can't change that,
no matter how nice I am.
73
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,680
But there is a balance to be had
between being nice and being feared.
74
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,120
Like, Dr Barnardo, he was
just too nice and not feared.
75
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,560
So he just got overrun by orphans
and everyone just took the piss.
76
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,520
Yes! Yes,
that's what I'm talking about!
77
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,760
Just a bit less power, now.
Well, exactly.
78
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,800
If I meet it in the middle,
then I'll get there.
79
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,280
What's this? Oh, all right?
80
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,000
We're just playing a bit of golf.
Why?
81
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,640
Cos it's fun.
82
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,840
That was mental, though, wasn't it?
83
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,640
That was very good, indeed.
84
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,600
Kurtan, it's so good to see you!
85
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,960
Vicar, Sophie, Sophie, vicar.
86
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,200
Hi, Sophie,
lovely to meet you at last.
87
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,880
It's lovely to meet you, too, Vicar.
88
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,400
So, how are you?
89
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,360
Good. Yeah, pretty good.
90
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:13,040
Probably the best
I've been in a long time...
91
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,520
Look at that! Look at that!
That's brilliant.
92
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:16,920
I'm so happy for you both.
93
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,040
Kurtan's all was going on
about you, Vicar. No, is he?
94
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,160
That's not... You know, Kurtan,
you can pop in any time
95
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,720
to see me for a cup of tea
and a catch-up.
96
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,120
Don't really like tea.
Well, just a catch up, then.
97
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,680
Don't really like catching up.
It's not my thing.
98
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,400
Well, I'm running Secret Cinema Club
on Thursday,
99
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,600
if you two wanted to come.
100
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,600
We're doing Grease. It should be
fun. Oh, I love Grease. Oh, so do I.
101
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,440
That's my favourite...
Yeah, we'd love to.
102
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,400
Oh, would you? That would be great.
Well, you should definitely come.
103
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,000
Yeah, we will. Yeah, fine. Whatever.
104
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,360
Great! All right. Yeah.
So nice to meet you.
105
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,880
And you, Sophie. That's great.
106
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,600
But if you want to pop in before
then, Kurtan, you know where I am.
107
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,040
Yeah.
108
00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,200
Sticking your nose in everyone's
business. But he seems really nice!
109
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,280
Yeah, cos he's a sociopath. That's
what they all want you to think.
110
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,880
It's all just an act.
111
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,120
I just watched this video
112
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,800
of this girl doing a random
act of kindness on YouTube.
113
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,800
She basically paid for this
old man's shopping at the till.
114
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,720
And this old man was, like,
about 90 years old.
115
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,640
And he's so fucking old, like,
you could see through his skin.
116
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,120
And he just starts
bawling his eyes out.
117
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,240
He's like, "You're fucking joking
me, this ain't fucking real life."
118
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,760
I just thought, I want to
make someone feel like that.
119
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,080
Cos that's...I really...
That's what I want to do.
120
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,440
What?
121
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,720
What?
122
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,960
As a random act of kindness.
123
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,440
As a random act of kindness.
124
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,920
I don't know what she's
talking about.
125
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,400
Cos I do wipe my arse properly.
126
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:05,600
OK?
127
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,800
No, listen.
128
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,200
Right, if I turn my phone off,
right, Soph,
129
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,000
that means I don't want to talk
to anyone. Not just you.
130
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,400
Yeah, I just want a bit
of Kurtan time.
131
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,200
You know. What's wrong with that?
132
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,360
Ugh! Yeah, OK, fine, then.
133
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,880
Whatever.
134
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,440
Yeah. Bye.
135
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,880
Fucking hell.
136
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,800
Can't believe that.
137
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,480
So I turned my phone off, right,
for literally, like, two days.
138
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,760
She's going absolutely
mental about it.
139
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,800
Going, "Oh, I thought you were dead.
I was going to call the police."
140
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,360
I'm not dead. Just can't
be arsed to text her sometimes.
141
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,560
You know. Is that such a crime?
142
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,280
Problem is, when we first started
dating, I set the bar too high.
143
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,160
Cos I was just texting her
the whole time,
144
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,080
but that was because I wanted
to reel her in.
145
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,440
But now the fish is in the net,
146
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,360
I ain't going to keep
throwing worms at it.
147
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,120
Cos that's a waste of worms.
148
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,120
You know, correct me if I'm wrong,
149
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,000
but four texts a day
is complete madness.
150
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,240
No-one can keep up with that.
151
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,840
Not even Giffgaff.
152
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,720
So, Slugs updated his Facebook
status this morning,
153
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,120
saying how his PlayStation broke
and how gutted he was, and that.
154
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:24,520
So I thought I'd do my very own
random act of kindness for him.
155
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:29,120
Because perhaps I have been quite
harsh to him in the past. You know.
156
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,520
I mean, he's not that annoying,
it's just,
157
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,480
he just needs to learn not
to breathe out of his mouth.
158
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,360
Cos that just winds everyone up.
159
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,400
Hello!
160
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,920
Oh. Erm...
161
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,600
Sorry, is Slugs in?
162
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:50,880
Michael.
163
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,560
Me and Michael have been
going out for nearly a year.
164
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,160
It's going well.
165
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,520
Really well.
166
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,280
Hello. Hi.
167
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,600
So, I heard your PlayStation broke.
168
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,920
Yeah. It's really sad. Sucks, man.
169
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:12,000
Really sucks. But I've
got a little surprise for you.
170
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,600
Because I know how harsh life
has been to you.
171
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,720
Cos it has been really harsh,
you know,
172
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,360
and you deserve happiness just
as much as the next man, don't you?
173
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,080
Yeah. Yeah.
174
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:25,240
Which is why, as a random
act of kindness, I am giving you
175
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,040
my PlayStation.
176
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:30,960
Thanks.
177
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,880
Hello. You happy with that? Yeah?
178
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,640
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah?
179
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,800
Yeah, thanks. Yeah.
180
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,240
Hello. Oh...
181
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,920
Sorry, Slugs...
182
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,120
Can I speak to Slugs, please?
183
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,440
Michael?
184
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,600
Is he coming?
185
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,400
He is? Yeah. He is coming? Right.
186
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,640
OK.
187
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:38,960
Hello.
188
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:41,760
Hello.
189
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,240
All right, so...
190
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,720
Is there a problem here? With what?
191
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,760
Well, just - I've just
given you a PlayStation
192
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,760
and it just doesn't feel like
you're that grateful for it.
193
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,320
I am. You are? Yeah. Really? Because
it doesn't really feel like that.
194
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,440
That's the thing.
At all. It's a PS3.
195
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,640
Yeah. Because... I get...
196
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,640
That's way I've given you my PS3,
because it was broke,
197
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,400
that's the whole point
of this whole thing. No...
198
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,160
My PS4 is broken.
199
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,000
My PS3 is in the garage.
200
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,280
Oh... I just...
I'll just have it back.
201
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,320
Sorry, Kayleigh, can you just pass
me my PlayStation back?
202
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,680
That would be absolutely great.
Thank you very much.
203
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,560
Can I keep the controllers?
No, you can't keep the controllers,
204
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,360
because, you know,
it was a whole thing...
205
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,120
That's the whole
point in... Can I go now?
206
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,640
I was going to give it to you...
Yeah, whatever. Fine.
207
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,240
Just eat your toast and breathe
at the same time,
208
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,640
like you usually do,
because that is disgusting,
209
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,320
and, you know, you have no manners.
210
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,400
Fine.
211
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,080
The fact is, you did
something nice for someone.
212
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,680
Am I doing something nice
for someone?
213
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,320
Because it doesn't really
feel like it,
214
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,320
because I'm not getting
great feedback from it.
215
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,280
But, but, Kerry, look, doing kind
gestures for people
216
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,160
is not about getting recognition,
217
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,480
it's about doing
kind things selflessly.
218
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,520
I am doing kind things selfishly.
No - selflessly.
219
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,880
What does...selflessly mean?
220
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,680
Well, it means you don't need
people to be grateful
221
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,400
for the kind things you do -
222
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,000
you do it anyway,
because it's the right thing to do.
223
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,000
Right...
224
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,160
So, like, when you're at Tesco's,
using the self-service checkouts,
225
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,280
and the machine gives
you your change,
226
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,440
and it says,
"Please take your change,"
227
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,840
and you say, "Thank you,"
228
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,240
and you know it can't hear you
say thank you, because it's a robot,
229
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,680
but you say thank you anyway,
because it's the nice thing to do...
230
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,360
Um... Yes, well, sort of. Yeah. Yep.
231
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,040
I get it. I get it,
I get it, I get it, I get it.
232
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,880
Cheers, thanks for that, Vics.
233
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,280
No problem. Thank you.
Thank you, Kerry, bye.
234
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:48,280
DOOR SHUTS
235
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,280
There will be £4, please.
236
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,840
There we go.
237
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,880
Talking to the vicar really helped,
238
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,400
so, I decided,
as a random act of kindness,
239
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,360
I'm going to do security
for him at his Grease cinema night.
240
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,760
All right Kate, you're all good.
241
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,400
If you'd like to go on through,
just up and on the right, OK?
242
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,960
Kerry, what are you doing?
Checking for knives and shit.
243
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,720
I really don't think
that's necessary.
244
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,680
It is, if my enemies know I'm here.
245
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,600
I was at midnight Mass one year,
right,
246
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,240
someone got tipped off I was there,
as I was coming out the church,
247
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,440
somebody tried to shoot
me with a crossbow.
248
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,200
OK, Kerry. Right.
249
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,040
Sorry. Just the one ticket...?
Oh, another thing.
250
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,080
Just to let you know,
251
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,080
I changed all the light bulbs
in the toilet to UV,
252
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,480
so if we get any smackheads
in tonight,
253
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,520
they won't be able to see their
veins when they're shooting up.
254
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,080
Super. Right, um...
255
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,720
Just... Sorry about that.
Just the one ticket?
256
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,400
All right?
257
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,440
What are you wearing? What?
258
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,240
Why are you not dressed up?
259
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,040
I thought you were joking. No.
260
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,160
That's the whole point
of Grease cinema night -
261
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,160
you dress up as, like,
the people from the film.
262
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,760
Well, I haven't seen
the film, have I?
263
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,760
That's why I came here -
to watch the fucking film
264
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,280
like a normal human being.
All right! Just go inside, then.
265
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,320
Oh, my God, is that Slugs?
266
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,840
What is Kayleigh wearing?!
267
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,160
She looks great.
268
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,640
She can't walk in those shoes!
Fucking 'ell.
269
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,840
Bambi on ice. She looks good.
270
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,920
Hey, guys. How you doing?
Doing good.
271
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,480
All right, Kurtan? Yeah.
272
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,000
Good.
273
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,480
'50s ROCK AND ROLL PLAYS
274
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,240
All right? Am I glad to see you.
275
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,320
Why?
276
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,800
This - it's shit, innit?
277
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,440
What? This, this whole...
It's embarrassing.
278
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,600
What, the party? Yeah.
279
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,040
Don't know what party you're at,
this one's bangin', mate.
280
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,720
Look at everyone, look at them.
281
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,480
You ain't dressed up.
You ain't dressed up.
282
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,520
Yeah, I am. I'm security.
283
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,040
You look like Andy Fordham.
284
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,520
Who's that?
285
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,360
Fat darts player, basically.
286
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,280
Well, I don't care,
because I'm enjoying myself.
287
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,280
I do miss spending time
with Kurtan, actually.
288
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,480
I suppose that's a bit selfish
of me, really,
289
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,640
because he's got
his own life to live, but...
290
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,080
You know, it's just so good
to see him so happy with Sophie.
291
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,200
SLOW DANCE NUMBER PLAYS
292
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,320
I don't even know
why you getting so upset.
293
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,280
I di...
294
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,400
I've made an effort by coming here
tonight. I didn't want to come.
295
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,720
Do you understand that?
But I still did.
296
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,520
You don't give a shit
about me. Oh...
297
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,560
I make such an effort,
and now you don't give a shit.
298
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,760
When I look at Slugs and Kayleigh,
I think that's all that I want.
299
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,360
SCOFFS: That is insane.
300
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,440
It's not - he was dancing,
he was making an effort.
301
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,000
Yeah, like a fucking boo-bah.
And you still haven't let me know
302
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,320
if you're coming to my parents
barbecue on Sunday. Oh...
303
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:32,880
I've asked you like three times...
304
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,920
Hey, hey, hey! This is Mr Belding.
305
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,920
What have I told you kids
about loitering in the corridors?
306
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,880
Sorry, mate, who are you?
307
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,240
Ian.
308
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,720
Ian, right, I'm just having
a very serious chat
309
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,440
with my girlfriend right here,
310
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,400
and what you've just done is really
inappropriate, mate, all right?
311
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,320
Sorry, mate.
312
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,120
Fuck!
313
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,160
Do you not wanna be with me?
314
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:01,280
Mr Belding, that...that's Saved
By The Bell, that's not Grease.
315
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,160
He's got that totally wrong.
316
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,280
Sorry...
317
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,440
What did you say?
318
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,200
Fucking prick.
319
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,520
Oh, fuck.
320
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:17,920
DOOR SLAMS
321
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,200
Mr Belding!
322
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,320
Pfft.
323
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,440
He's... He's gonna be embarrassed
about that in the morning.
324
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:41,040
Sophie dumped Kurtan last night,
so he's in a bit of a state.
325
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,560
I had to wheel him here from
his house in an Asda trolley,
326
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,360
cos he was just too
heartbroken to move.
327
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,720
It's a shame, cos I'd just
finished writing my best man speech.
328
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,880
But...
329
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,320
When I first saw Sophie
330
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,840
I thought, "Wow, Kurtan's really
punching above his weight,
331
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,400
"he'll never be able
to hang on to her" -
332
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,680
but he has, and I've
never seen him happier.
333
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:31,680
You all right?
334
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,520
Kurtan?
335
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,160
Kurtan, mate?
336
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,440
Yeah, I just...
337
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,160
Oh, I just need to sort my shit out.
338
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,040
Try and fix things.
339
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,360
Yeah, it is hard seeing
Kurtan like this,
340
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,880
but when someone's down,
there's nothing better
341
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,160
than a little random act
of kindness -
342
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,240
and I know exactly
how to fix things.
343
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,040
Sometimes you don't know what you
got until you ain't got it any more.
344
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,920
KNOCK AT DOOR
Hello?
345
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,080
Like Blockbusters.
346
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,600
I just took 'em for granted -
and then, one day, gone...
347
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,720
..and you spend ages trying
to figure out what went wrong,
348
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:24,080
and then you realise it
was your fault all along.
349
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,720
It's all right, Kurtan.
350
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,760
Not Blockbusters, that...
that was online piracy,
351
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,240
and lack of vision upstairs,
in the boardroom.
352
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,560
It's just like...
353
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:40,600
..after not going to
Swindon College and that,
354
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:44,280
when I ducked out, I just thought
that I'd let you down.
355
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,120
Of course you didn't.
356
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:50,840
Is...
357
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,920
Is that why you've not
been coming to see me?
358
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,400
Yeah. Oh, Kurtan.
359
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,640
Well...that, and...
360
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:06,120
..the cress that we sowed together
in the village hall kitchen,
361
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,600
I've actually been having
nightmares about it,
362
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,800
because I haven't
watered it in so long,
363
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,000
and in my dreams,
the cress is so thirsty,
364
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,880
it's dying like a starving dog,
365
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,600
and it's going,
"Kurtan just left me to die."
366
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,840
Kurtan, don't...
Don't worry, it's fine.
367
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,920
I've been watering it. Yeah? Yes.
368
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,360
Really? Yes.
369
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:26,800
Oh...
370
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,760
That's...
371
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:35,040
That's amazing. I'm sorry you've
been worrying so much about it.
372
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,560
I really am. It's just so stupid,
I just know it's so stupid...
373
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,720
Oh, you mustn't feel stupid.
374
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,040
I wish you'd come and told me
all this earlier.
375
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:49,080
Yeah, just had a great chat
with the vicar, and honestly,
376
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,320
it feels so much better now
that everything is sorted.
377
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,200
I feel bad for slagging him off,
378
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,080
because that was
bang out of order...
379
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,480
..and for posting a picture of him
on that German porn site, but...
380
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,440
..I can probably take that down,
I think.
381
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,160
I feel like a prat about
the cress, as well, but...
382
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,000
You don't need to feel
silly about that.
383
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,840
You don't believe how much stress...
384
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,120
I've been stressing
about it so much.
385
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:18,400
Yes, it's great having Kurtan back,
I've really missed him. Um...
386
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:24,280
..but just between you and me,
his cress did die. Um...
387
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:27,720
..but I don't think he's quite
ready to hear that just yet.
388
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,400
I just think I was in denial about
a lot of shit, even Soph,
389
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,560
and I was taking it out
on the vicar,
390
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,280
even though it weren't his fault.
391
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,480
Thinking about it now, me and Soph
just weren't right for each other.
392
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,120
All right? No, I'm just going
round Kerry's house.
393
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,480
She really wants me to come over.
394
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:56,280
Yeah, probably be nice to hang out
with her again, just us two.
395
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,960
Like the old days, really.
396
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,440
All right? All right?
397
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,200
Hi. All right?
398
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,840
What are you...doing here?
399
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,680
Well, Kerry called me...
I called her.
400
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,680
Oh, right.
401
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,160
OK.
402
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,680
So, the wanna talk? Cos this
is just... This is so silly.
403
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,800
It is so silly. Yeah, it's just...
404
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,480
It is what it is, though, really.
405
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,760
So...
406
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,520
Do you wanna go outside?
Give her a kiss!
407
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,840
Er... Why?
408
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,320
What for?
409
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,440
I thought you said you wanted
to fix things.
410
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,880
I...don't...remember saying that.
411
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,440
You did. You told me
you wanted to fix things.
412
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,000
He did.
413
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,360
I did, yeah, but...
414
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:46,040
..with...with the vicar.
415
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,840
So, you definitely don't wanna
fix things with...
416
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,360
..her?
417
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:00,640
Nah...
418
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:01,880
Sorry.
419
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,200
Um...
420
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,120
Yeah.
421
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,120
Probably should go now.
422
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,120
OK, see ya.
423
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,320
Sorry, can I just get round you?
424
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,800
Thanks.
425
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:20,800
DOOR CLOSES
426
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,840
I'm so sorry...
427
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,320
..but...
428
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,600
..is it all right
if you leave my house?
429
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,480
It's just I only kind of know you
through Kurtan.
430
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,560
Is that OK?
431
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,000
Yeah?
432
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,600
So sorry about that.
433
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,080
Ooh...
434
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,760
See ya. Bye.
435
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,080
I'm not quite sure what...
436
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,840
Cos I must have read that
completely wrong, there.
437
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,200
It's her own fault, actually...
438
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,040
Cos she led me down this path.
439
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,000
You know?
440
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,320
I...
441
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,880
She was sort of doing it
to me, that's the thing.
442
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:36,680
She was going to me, "Oh," you know,
"you get us back together."
443
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,720
It is not really my fault, is it?
444
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,560
I think she's just
living in a dream world.
445
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,480
She wanted it to go that way,
446
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,720
and it just wasn't gonna
go that way.
447
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,120
She even got ME thinking
that they'd get back together...
448
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:55,280
..but that's manipula....
manipulative people...do that.
449
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,240
And he's better off without her.
450
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,080
Am I going first? Yeah.
451
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,680
Kurtan, not bad.
Bit more power. Yeah.
452
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,800
Your go, Kerry.
453
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,120
Rubbish. Er, Kurtan, please.
454
00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:14,680
That wasn't rubbish,
that was a good effort.
455
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,440
Ah, see?
456
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,400
That wasn't much
to write home about. Aah! Hah!
457
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,920
She just kicked it! No, I didn't.
458
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,440
Kerry... I saw you kick it!
459
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,280
Just a minute. Kerry...
You can't kick...!
460
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,520
Kerry, don't be silly, look.
461
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,600
Play fair, or you can sit out.
No, honestly, cos...
462
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,200
Come on. It's... All right...
Come on.
463
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,560
..I'll just tell him about
the cress, then, shall I? What?
464
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,480
What about the cress?
465
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,600
Kerry, please.
466
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,080
What about the cress?
Nothing, Kurtan. It's fine.
467
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,480
I'm just gonna take this shot.
What about the cress?
468
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,480
It's fucking dead, isn't it?
469
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,280
Why'd you have to do that, Kerry?
470
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:01,840
Is it my turn?
36105
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