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'I tell you what, Kerry,
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00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,360
'there are some days I wish
you'd never been born, and... '
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00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,200
Basically, Kerry's mum
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00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,680
got a massive electricity bill
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00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,120
and she reckons
it's cos of Kerry's PlayStation.
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00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,120
So she's threatening to
give it away to the Ethiopians.
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00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,720
Oh, fuck off!
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00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,920
What are they going to do
with a PlayStation? Eat it?!
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00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,280
Yeah, well, why don't you get
a job as a Meatloaf tribute act?
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00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,480
Oh!
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00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,000
That's who she looks like!
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00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,680
Fuck.
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00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,960
That's your PlayStation
she just smashed.
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00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,680
I saw that can of Tango
you dumped on the corner...
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00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,520
Oh, shut up. Shut up, then.
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00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,320
Go home, mate. ..disgusting.
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00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,760
'Yes, sadly, there aren't
a lot of job opportunities
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00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,960
'for young people in the village.'
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00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,720
Kerry and Kurtan, neither of them
have worked since leaving
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00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,320
school, which means they've got
a lot of time on their hands.
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00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,880
Which is definitely
not a good thing.
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00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,720
Change your fucking trousers, mate.
They stink.
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00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:24,800
That's charming.
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00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,160
So, basically, there's a talk in
the village hall today, with this
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00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,760
really strong businesswoman
called Shaz.
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00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:47,000
And she's going to teach me
how to make an absolute shitload.
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00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,040
It was wanted by a poltergeist.
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00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,880
I'm going to be just so rich.
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I'm going to build a helipad on top
of my mum's house and land on it
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00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,920
in a little copter.
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00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,600
And then I'm going to say to my mum,
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"Oh, hi, Mum. How are you doing?"
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And she'll be like,
"Oh, Kerry, I'm so sad.
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00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,240
"I...I'm so sad what I did to you.
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00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,960
"It was so disgusting
and I'm such a vile pig."
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00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,960
And I'll be like, "I'm so sorry,
but I can't have this conversation,
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00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,200
"cos I've got
to go on Dragons' Den,
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00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,320
"cos we're filming it
in five minutes."
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00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,560
Will I be there?
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00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:18,920
Yeah.
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00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,200
What we going to do on it?
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00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,960
No, we're the, we're the judges.
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00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,800
We'll be sat on a seat, like,
with Deborah Meaden and that.
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00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,920
My life did not get off
to the best of starts.
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00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,960
I was a single mother
with no qualifications,
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00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,040
no job and struggling
to make ends meet.
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00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,840
And then, one day,
I caught myself looking at
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00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,040
a reflection of myself and I said,
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00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,200
"What is up with you, Shaz?
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00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,040
"You used to be so bubbly..."
Oh... Kerr? Yeah?
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00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,840
She keeps guffing. Who?
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00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,600
Her - farty pants.
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Shh! ..I had a sachet of that stuff
and I never looked back.
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00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,360
So I said, hang about, let me
get this straight - if I become
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00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,000
an Eternal Vitality sales rep,
I can earn £15,000 a month?
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00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,280
I can work from home, I can be my
own boss... This is just quite
boring isn't it, Kerry?
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00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,640
..and the start-up pack's
only £200... Kerr? What?
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00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,320
Boring, isn't it? No, it's not.
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00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,480
All of your dreams, guys,
can come true.
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00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,040
Just as long as you've got
that £200 start-up fee, OK?
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00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,120
Yes?
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00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,200
What if you don't have
the 200 quid, though, Miss?
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00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,720
Miss!
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00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,680
Yeah, that's a very, very good
question.
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00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:18,800
What's your name, darling?
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00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,440
Kerry. Hi, Kerry.
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00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,000
What if I was to say to you,
darling,
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00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,280
"You're dying, Kerry,
and the tablets you need
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00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,680
"to stop you from dying
are going to cost you £200."
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00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,880
What would you do then? Hmm?
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00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,360
You'd beg. You'd steal.
You'd borrow.
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You'd find that money.
Next question, please. Yes?
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00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,320
I did a similar thing selling
Tupperware, and it turned out
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to be a pyramid scheme.
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00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,040
OK, no, no, no, no, no.
Bless you.
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00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,480
This is not a pyramid scheme, OK?
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00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,920
This is a multi-level
management scheme -
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00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,440
two very different things,
as you can see here, in the slide.
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00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,320
Multilevel management...
You just got owned.
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00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,880
..all coming together
to form one legal scheme.
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00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,520
Is that clearer for you?
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00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:01,320
Er, so Kerry's just asking Shaz
ways of how we can raise up
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00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,680
the money for the start-up pack.
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00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,080
Very rude man!
85
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:06,800
Very rude!
86
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,680
What?
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00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,080
How was I being rude then?
88
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,000
I wasn't being rude, was I?
Right, come on.
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00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,040
You would not believe
what June just did to me then,
what just happened.
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00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,320
She just came up to me, jabbing
her finger in my face, going,
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00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,040
"Very rude man", like that.
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00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,680
So, right, Shaz has given us
loads of ideas of what we
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00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,320
need to do, so we really need to
start cracking on with it now.
All I've ever been is nice to her!
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00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:31,360
Daft cow.
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00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,800
Shaz told me, to raise the start-up
fee money, we should just
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00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,000
flog all our old shit, which is
exactly what we're doing.
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00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,080
I reckon we'll make
that 200 quid in about half hour.
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00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,080
Oh, Warhammer.
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00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,760
Go on, rummage through.
100
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,680
I wondered...how much...?
101
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,600
Standard-bearer. Er...
102
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,640
Yeah?
103
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,840
Don't know, really. I suppose the
Snotlings will all come together.
104
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:16,280
As you can probably tell, I went
through a serious Snotling phase.
105
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,760
And there's a few chaos bugs
in there as well.
106
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,720
So I've got my orcs here, yeah?
Yeah.
107
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,320
Wastelands are there. Yeah.
108
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,920
And we're heading straight for them.
109
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,520
No. See, you can't use orcs
to seize the wastelands.
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00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,800
It's practically suicide.
111
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,480
Oh, my God,
can you lot just shut up?
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00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,280
Honestly, it's embarrassing.
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00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,240
Kurtan is a fucking nerd.
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00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,400
About three years ago,
he started his own Emmerdale blog
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00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,800
where he picks apart
all the production gaffes.
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00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,600
And he's got a chart on the wall,
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00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,000
which he ticks off every time
he sees a reflection of a boom.
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00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:52,240
And I honestly am ashamed
to know him, sometimes.
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00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:56,200
Do you know what? It's been an
absolute, utter pleasure meeting you
two gents today.
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00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,760
Well, because Deputy Dickhead
over here didn't want
to sell his Star Wars...
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00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,520
Warhammer. ..the yard sale
was an utter disaster.
122
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,040
But Shaz said money trees
don't grow on trees.
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00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,720
You've got to buy the money tree.
124
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,400
And if you can't afford
to buy a money tree,
125
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,240
you just borrow off
someone else's money tree.
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00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,200
So you've got a money tree loan out.
Yeah.
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00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,960
But I'm going to be making
15 grand a month, basic,
128
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,360
so I'll be laughing.
129
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,680
Yes, the interest rate
on that loan is very high,
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00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,880
but my overheads are low, see?
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00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,120
Because I'm working out
of my mum's shed,
132
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,960
and I have zero staff costs, because
I'm not going to be paying Kurtan.
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00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,360
But don't tell him that.
134
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:38,920
Oh...
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00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,400
Can't wait to try this one, Kerr -
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00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,720
apple and wheatgrass.
137
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,680
Look at how good this looks, Kerr.
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00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,640
This'll be so good for me, innit?
Yeah. This sweet nectar.
139
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,720
How is it?
140
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,360
You all right?
141
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:00,520
Yeah.
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00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,600
Just, I could really taste
the grass.
143
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,760
I feel better already.
Do you? Really? Yeah, it's weird.
144
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,800
Do you really? Yeah.
145
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,480
In what way?
Does my skin look any different?
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00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,320
It's... Glowing? Yeah, it's glowing
a bit more, yeah. Is it glowing?
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00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,040
I... That's enough now.
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00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,080
That's enough.
149
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,600
Right, have you learned the script?
150
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,040
What script?
151
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,800
Are you joking?
You are joking, right?
152
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:29,200
Yeah. The script I gave you.
Right, OK. Well, read it to me now.
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00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,240
Hello.
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00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,760
Hello what?
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Sir. You haven't learned it,
have you?
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00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,360
No.
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00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,280
My attitude towards business is
sell, sell, sell.
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If you knock on someone's door,
this is what Shaz told me,
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don't take no for an answer.
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00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:43,760
Get into their house.
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00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,000
If they say, "Leave my house", stay.
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00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,880
And if they say,
"I'm going to call the police",
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00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:51,080
you walk upstairs and see if there's
anybody else upstairs to sell to.
164
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,520
What do I make of Kerry
the businesswoman?
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00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,040
Have you seen the state of her?
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00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,960
What does she think she looks like
in that suit, honestly?
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00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,440
She looks like Uncle Fester.
168
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,080
I take one look in the mirror
in this suit
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00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,320
and I feel proud.
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00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,800
I used to just dressed in rags.
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00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,320
Now I really feel like I've made it.
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00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,160
Can't see her neck.
Where's her neck gone?
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00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:22,080
Hello, madam. Me and my colleague
here, from Eternal Vitality...
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00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,920
Right. I'm going to piss in
their flowers, then. No, come on.
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00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,400
What are you two after?
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00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,480
Hello, sir.
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00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,440
Me and my colleague here are
from Eternal Vitality Juicing -
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00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,440
a company that offers a wide range
of health boosting juices -
179
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:51,160
and just wondered if we could borrow
a few minutes of your time.
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00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,640
Year, I've got a few minutes.
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00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,920
Eternal Vitality juices slowly
release vitamins throughout
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00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:00,400
your body all day,
giving you extra energy...
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00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,280
And then me wife died
on the Thursday.
184
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:04,840
(Oh, God.)
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00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,960
And me brother died
on the Saturday.
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00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,240
And then, me stepson rang me up,
and he said, "Dad,
187
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:13,280
"I've found a lump."
188
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,480
So that was him gone.
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00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,560
Grandson dead, stepdaughter dead,
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00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,240
and that bastard only got three
years and a slap on the wrist.
191
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,520
Oh, OK, well,
thank you so much for your time,
192
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,960
and we're really sorry that...
And then they rung up from
the hospital, and they said,
193
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,000
"Could you get down here now,
194
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:33,240
"cos they're draining the fluid out
your sister's spine?"
195
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,240
"Heart disease", he said.
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00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,040
And I never smoked
a single fag in me life.
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00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,240
Kurtan...
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00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,320
And the doctor, he just shrugged
at me like this, look.
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00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,920
Aye, like this.
200
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,480
Yeah. He just shrugged.
201
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,880
Sorry, are you going to actually
buy something today?
202
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,280
Eh? Are you going to buy
something today?
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00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,840
God, no.
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00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,800
OK...
205
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,800
Thank you very much for your time.
206
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,760
That's all right.
207
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,720
Enjoyed it.
208
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,080
See you. Bye.
209
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,040
So, I've let Kurtan
take the lead on this one,
210
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,640
because, basically,
he's just not engaging enough.
211
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,240
And he needs to build up
his confidence, because, honestly,
212
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,120
I'd be better off carrying around
a sad sack of shite with me.
213
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,440
How long do you reckon
he's been in there for?
214
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,920
Must be like 20 minutes.
215
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,560
I reckon he's selling loads.
216
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,560
Hello?
217
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:53,760
Hello?
218
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,680
Hello, Kurtan?
219
00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,200
Do you need any more stock?
220
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,240
Kurtan? Four, five, six...
221
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,320
Oh...
222
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,480
Forgot you was outside.
223
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,280
Utterly unprofessional!
224
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,320
Seriously!
225
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,560
It's your go, innit?
Yeah, it's your go. Yeah.
226
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:16,600
My guide to managing a team is
pretty simple, really.
227
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,680
Make the underlings...
228
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,480
feel like shit, because
229
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,960
you're the big boss.
230
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,400
Take up the space.
231
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,160
It's like a bull in a field.
232
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,640
There can't be too many bulls,
233
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,080
because they'll ruin it.
234
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,640
Look, if you don't want to be
involved in this business,
235
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,320
then, seriously,
just don't be involved.
236
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,360
Is that all right?
237
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,080
The fuck, Kurtan?!
238
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,120
Seriously!
239
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,840
I thought we were doing this
together! It's just...
240
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,920
Thing is, OK,
it's just so much effort.
241
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,120
Yeah, cos you're not pulling
your weight, to be honest.
242
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,840
That's why it's so much effort.
PHONE RINGS
243
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,320
It's actually more effort for me...
244
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,640
And we're in a business meeting -
245
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,080
why do you think it's OK to
get your phone out? Who is that?
246
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,120
No-one.
247
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,480
What did they say that's so funny,
then? You wouldn't get it.
248
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,200
I would get it. You wouldn't.
I would get it.
249
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,360
All right, then. He said,
250
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:03,960
"That awkward moment when an Orc
lord asks you for a clack handle."
251
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,880
You don't get it, do you?
252
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,680
Right. I want these delivered...
253
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,240
to every house in the village,
tonight.
254
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,280
I mean it.
255
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,680
And stop with the attitude as well.
256
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,160
Thing is, I don't know
what you actually do.
257
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,080
Business.
258
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,440
I've really...
259
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:33,800
..really had it today.
260
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,200
And she was like,
261
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,960
"Oh, you've got to hand out
all these leaflets by tonight."
262
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,880
And I was like,
"Whatever, Orc-slammer.
263
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,200
Kiss my arse.
Oh, my God, you can't do that!
264
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,600
Mental! Can do what I want.
265
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,640
Watch this, then.
266
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,800
BOY LAUGHS
267
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,160
Parkour.
268
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,640
I can't do that.
269
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,120
Yeah, it's nice having new mates,
to be honest.
270
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,360
Not being bossed around
by Baron Greenback.
271
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,560
It's great, as well,
cos they're proper lads.
272
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,880
And, honestly,
when we lot get together,
273
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,480
we are proper mad bastards.
274
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,920
Oh, my God! Did you see the look
on the vicar's face then?
275
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,240
He was livid, wasn't he?
Yeah, he was livid.
276
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,760
That was madness, man.
That was...
277
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,080
He was fuming!
278
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,600
When I see them three together,
279
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,440
I think...
280
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,840
we could have another Columbine
on our hands.
281
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,920
And that's very scary.
282
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,200
Look at the clouds -
look how mad they are!
283
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,280
They're crazy.
284
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,480
Don't you just think sometimes -
you look at the clouds
and you just think...
285
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,280
Sometimes you look at the sky
and you think
286
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,400
how insignificant that all is.
Yeah.
287
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,800
Yeah, do this.
288
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,360
Put your hands like that.
289
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,120
Yeah, open them up, look inside.
290
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,480
That's what they actually
look like. Ugh...
291
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:02,200
Look at this stupid bloke here.
Look at him.
292
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,440
Look how stupid he is.
293
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,480
Do you reckon he saw that?
294
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,520
He's coming out!
295
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,640
He's coming! He's coming!
296
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,760
Yeah, he's not coming.
297
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,360
He was going to, though.
298
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,080
He was livid, wasn't he?
299
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,040
Yeah, he was.
300
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,080
Yeah, I was supposed to be
delivering leaflets for Kerry,
301
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,160
but fuck it.
302
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,480
I ain't running round for her
like a blue-arsed fly no more.
303
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,640
And, anyway,
she's promoted Levi above me now.
304
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,680
And he's only ten.
305
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,240
And he can't sleep
without a night-light.
306
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,280
So, how'd it go last night?
307
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,080
Yeah, pretty good.
308
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,080
Er, delivered all the leaflets
round all the houses.
309
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,200
Even went down Charlie Bottom Farm,
310
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,360
which was quite a trek,
but I don't mind.
311
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,880
Erm...
312
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,320
Yeah, it's actually
quite surprising how many houses
313
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,280
are in this village, as well.
314
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,800
But, no - it was great, all in all.
315
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:10,640
Levi, get them pictures up
on your phone.
316
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,120
500 leaflets,
317
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,640
just dumped in the stream.
318
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,320
Have you been here all night? Yeah.
319
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,520
You really need to go home.
320
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,520
Your mum's called the police
and everything.
321
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,320
Are you serious? Yeah.
322
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,680
OK, go home now.
323
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,520
But, if anyone asks,
you fell asleep by accident, OK?
324
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:27,560
Go home, now.
325
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,280
What was he doing here all night?
Filing.
326
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,240
Do you think I'm going
to get in trouble?
327
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,360
Are those debt letters? No.
328
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,520
And you're fired, by the way.
329
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:43,280
What? And you're also fired from
being my best mate, by the way.
330
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,480
Well, I have new mates anyway,
by the way.
331
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,760
Oh, what - the nerds?
332
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,680
No. They're not nerds. They have
names like human beings, actually.
333
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,160
Oh, yeah?
What are their names, then?
334
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,960
HE MUMBLES: Count Fartula
and Weak Nathan.
335
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,760
Sorry, I couldn't quite hear that.
Count Fartula and Weak Nathan.
336
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,400
They're honestly not nerds, though.
337
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,720
They're just my mates,
they look up to me.
338
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,600
What, so that makes you
king of the nerds?
339
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,200
Do you know what, yeah?
You're just a bully.
340
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,400
And you've been conned in some
shitty little pyramid scheme.
341
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,600
Well, it's a multilevel management
scheme, so get it right.
342
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,000
And the juice tastes like ass.
No, it doesn't. Yes, it does.
343
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,520
No, it doesn't.
Drink some now, then.
344
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,640
No, because I'm not thirsty,
so what's the point?
345
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,880
That's cos you know
it tastes like ass. No.
346
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,080
It is! Drink some now.
347
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,600
If you believe in this business
so much, yeah, you drink some.
348
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,040
I don't mind drinking it.
It doesn't bother me. Excellent.
349
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,080
Now, have some now.
350
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,640
Swallow.
351
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,080
Tastes like ass, doesn't it?
352
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,120
Bleurgh!
353
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,080
That's all I wanted.
I'll see you later.
354
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,360
Embarrassment, you are.
355
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,160
Bleurgh!
356
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,040
Bleurgh!
357
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,000
'In business,
there will always be setbacks.'
358
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,360
I don't drink my own juice,
359
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,680
Fray Bentos doesn't
eat his own pies.
360
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,680
But that's business.
361
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,880
Yes!
362
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,240
'I'm not assed about being fired.
363
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,960
'Gives me more time
playing Warhammer.'
364
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,920
Having said that, the lads are
getting a bit annoying now.
365
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,080
Since when have you had
the Forbidden Forest?
366
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,200
Since I bought it off the Troll King
in the last round. Please keep up.
367
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,400
Oh, my God...
368
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,640
They just love playing
by the rules.
369
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,960
Sort of sucks the fun
out of everything.
370
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,600
Do you know what, I don't actually
want to play this any more,
371
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,520
because it is actually
very, very boring.
372
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,880
Erm, hello, Shaz.
373
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,840
Erm, I've left you
a few messages before.
374
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,320
This is Kerry from
the Cotswold area...
375
00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:01,240
'So Shaz's phone ain't working,
which is a bit weird,'
376
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,320
because all I wanted to do
is ask her
377
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,840
how she makes any money
from these juices,
378
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,320
because, at the moment,
I'm losing money
379
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,280
and I can't shift these juices
to man nor beast.
380
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,080
Kurtan, what shall we do now?
381
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,760
I don't know. But which one of you
is breathing so loudly?
382
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,480
Because I can't hear myself think.
383
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,440
Sorry, that would be me.
384
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,240
What you saying sorry for?
385
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,040
Why can't you stick up
for yourself, both of you?
386
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,760
BOTH: Sorry.
387
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,480
Do you know what?
388
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,560
I think I'm just going to go
for a bit, and just chill out.
389
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,400
On my own, yeah?
390
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,800
Seriously, what you doing?
Why you following me?
391
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,280
Fuckin' hell, what was I thinking?
392
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,640
They are massive, massive nerds.
393
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,160
Staggering.
394
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,920
I'm ashamed of myself,
that's not usually me,
395
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,960
so don't get the wrong impression.
396
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,360
Normally, I'm beating
those sort of kids up.
397
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,160
All right? Yeah.
398
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,640
Who was that?
399
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,280
No-one.
400
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,560
Monetary loans?
401
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,680
You been crying?
402
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,040
Yeah.
403
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,760
How was your mates?
404
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,560
Not mates with them any more.
405
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,440
Why not?
406
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,320
Cos they're nerds.
407
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,800
I did say. I know.
408
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,640
I genuinely think one of them
fancies me as well. Really? Yeah.
409
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,760
Look, I think I know how we can
pay your loan off. Yeah? Yeah.
410
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,880
Cos that would be really great.
411
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,760
Honestly, it'll be fine.
412
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,800
A Snotling Pump Wagon,
413
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,120
24 Lizardmen,
414
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,360
32 Orc hammers
415
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,920
and an entire Orc industrial army.
416
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,680
'So, Kurtan very kindly offered
417
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,720
'to sell his Warhammer.
418
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,640
'Unfortunately
it was worth fuck-all,'
419
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,440
but it's fine, because
I've got it all sorted out,
420
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,960
cos I've got out a loan
to repay the first loan
421
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,680
and to also buy a PlayStation.
422
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,400
And if I fall behind
on the repayments of that,
423
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,480
I just get out another loan,
and so forth and so forth.
424
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,440
It's working the system.
32146
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