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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:22,720 All right? You ain't going to believe this. 2 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,800 What? Mr Perkins. 3 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,040 What about him? 4 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,800 He's dead. 5 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,600 He's dead? 6 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,400 Are you joking? 7 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,440 No. 8 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,200 Way! 9 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,040 BOTH: Way! 10 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,400 Way! 11 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,120 # He's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead! 12 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:48,160 # He's dead! He is dead! 13 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,960 # He's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead! 14 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,000 # He's dead! He is dead! # 15 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,640 Basically, Mr Perkins was our old woodwork teacher 16 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,160 and he was a massive prick. 17 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,320 Yeah. He used to be just plain nasty, wasn't he, Kurts? 18 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,760 Yeah. He always used to say, "Oh, Kerry and Kurtan, 19 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,160 "you'll do..." "Nothing with your lives." 20 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,240 Which is a bit rich, to be honest, coming from him, who's now dead. 21 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,280 Yeah. 22 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,200 # He's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead! # 23 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:22,320 I think it's disgusting, what yous is doing, celebrating a man's death. 24 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,000 Shut up, Len, you're boring. 25 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,960 Yeah, well, I think it's disgusting you not celebrating the man's death. 26 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:31,240 Charming. Hogwarts is that way, Dumbledore. 27 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,760 Idiot man. 28 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,320 He used to call us... 29 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,520 Ren and Stimpy, didn't he? 30 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,840 Yeah. Tweedledum and Tweedledee. 31 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,040 Pinky and Perky. 32 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,360 Asterix and Obelix. 33 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,480 Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby. 34 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,920 The Neville brothers. 35 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,960 He used to say I looked like the puppet off the Dolmio advert. 36 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,680 It's just, I...I knew this day would come, but I just, 37 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,040 I actually can't believe it's here, do you know what I mean? 38 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,960 All right, Mand? No, I'm not all right, 39 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,240 some little old blind man with a guide dog walked into a bin 40 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,360 outside my house. 41 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,720 Shit, is he all right? 42 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,760 He won't be when I've got my hands on him. 43 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,960 Poor Tyson was so scared, he's run up a tree and ate a bird's nest. 44 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,280 So I'm going to find him and break his legs for him. 45 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,640 See how he likes it. 46 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,000 You see him, you send him my way, yeah? 47 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,960 All right, you fucking psychopath. 48 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,160 Who's a psychopath? 49 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,920 Er... 50 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,000 The blind man. 51 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,640 Yeah, I know. Poor little baby birds 52 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,960 got their guts sucked out their arseholes cos of him. 53 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,040 Evil bastard. 54 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,680 Fucking weirdo. 55 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:33,720 Who's a weirdo? 56 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,280 Er...Kurtan. 57 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,080 Yeah, I know. 58 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,080 Come on, Tyson, you fucking prick. 59 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,880 How the fuck did she hear all that? 60 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:49,920 Erm... 61 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,240 She's like a fucking bat. 62 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,160 People are scared of Mandy, but I ain't. 63 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,920 Because we're both on the same level of hardness. 64 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,400 It's, like, Kane isn't scared of The Undertaker 65 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,120 because they're both Brothers of Destruction. 66 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,320 There's a kid crying over there. 67 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,160 Do you want me to...? I can tell him to shut the fuck up if you want? 68 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,880 She belongs in a nuthouse, mate. 69 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,360 She is fucking nuts. 70 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,960 A very bad egg. 71 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,720 I like Kerry. Her mum's... 72 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,040 Mum's a good fighter, her mum, down the pub and that. 73 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,440 If you was in trouble, you can always rely on her mum. 74 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,560 Kerry's all right. Kurtan's a... 75 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,080 He's a fucking moron. 76 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,240 Our old prom photo, yeah? 77 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,720 Ten minutes after that was taken, 78 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,240 Kurtan vommed all the way down his ivory tie. 79 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,480 Yeah, only cos I kept spiking my own drinks. Yeah. 80 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,360 Oh, Kerr, our old detention cards from Mr Perkins. 81 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,560 "Kerry and Kurtan, lunchtime detention 82 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,360 "for making crass song in woodwork class." 83 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,760 Wait...I'll get it. KEYBOARD PLAYS TUNE 84 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,600 Five, six, seven. 85 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,000 # Mr Perkins is a prick 86 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,360 # Mr Perkins is a prick 87 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,280 # Mr Perkins is a prick 88 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,520 # Mr Perkins is a prick 89 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,600 # Mr Perkins is a prick 90 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,680 # Mr Perkins is a prick 91 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,880 # Mr Perkins is a prick 92 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,320 # All day long. # 93 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,560 How is that crass? How is that crass? 94 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:34,480 Disruption, yeah, defiance, yeah, abusive language, fucking yeah. 95 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,040 Listen to this. 96 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,080 "Kerry and Kurtan, lunchtime detention 97 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,560 "for making Robert Robinson 98 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,360 "ask the teacher what rimming is." 99 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,240 Who's Rob Robinson? 100 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,320 You don't remember Robert Robinson? 101 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,800 No. 102 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,320 He was in our class in Year 6 103 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,200 for, like, two terms and he just vanished. 104 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,640 No-one ever heard of him again. 105 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,240 He had... Instead of a rucksack, yeah, 106 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,120 he had a suitcase on wheels. 107 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,960 And you started his nickname, which was Terminal Three. 108 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,440 You started that. That was brilliant. 109 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,760 You don't remember that? 110 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,600 Robert Robinson. 111 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,640 You don't remember? 112 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,760 Year 6 camping trip, he brought in an old army camp bed 113 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,280 and it had blood on it. 114 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,320 No. 115 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:26,920 We used to bog-wash him so much, 116 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,320 the bleach in the toilet actually turned his hair white. 117 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,680 No. Oh, my God! 118 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,200 He had about three unruly deaf brothers, yeah? 119 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,720 And he used to get picked up after school in a dirty old Land Rover 120 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,680 full of flailing arms. No. 121 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:39,920 You don't remember that? 122 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,640 No. He used to write everything out in that calculator font 123 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,320 cos he thought it was really cool. 124 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,280 No. We made him eat a fucking bark sandwich, for fuck's sake. 125 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,480 No. You don't remember that? 126 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,600 No. Nothing? Nothing. 127 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,640 Fuck. 128 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,240 Right, I'm going to get Slugs over, he was in our class, he'll remember. 129 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,080 Please don't get Slugs over. Yes, I am! He'll never leave. 130 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,000 Me and Kurtan have known Slugs since school 131 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,120 and I've never met anyone who outstays their welcome 132 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,600 more than him. 133 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:09,960 Like, you'll say, "Sorry, Slugs, 134 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,160 "I can't stop and chat I've got to go and have my dinner." 135 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,320 And he'll go, "What we having?" 136 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:15,600 Robert Robinson, yeah? 137 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,200 He had a fat woman's arse and tiny, short little legs like a troll. 138 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,240 Yeah, you sure you're not talking about Slugs? 139 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,440 Positive. He genuinely looked like a Moomin. 140 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,640 Yeah, so does Slugs. 141 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,400 I know, but it ain't Slugs. 142 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,640 His school jumper, yeah, 143 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,480 was the most faded out of everyone's. 144 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,760 He used to chew his sleeves into threads. 145 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,200 No. He brought in a bit of meteorite once, yeah, for show and tell, 146 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,120 and Darren Lacy called him Apollo 13. 147 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,960 No. Oh, my God. 148 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,480 He was obsessed with salamanders, yeah? 149 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,880 And we saw him at the school fete 150 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,720 and he was carrying around a little bank bag full of coppers 151 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,400 and his face was painted like a salamander 152 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,920 and he was hissing at dogs. 153 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,000 How do you not remember Robert fucking Robinson? 154 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,880 Oh, my God, there's this website 155 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,800 that allows you to watch a loaf of bread slowly going stale. 156 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,360 Fucking hell, man! 157 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,760 Stop it. 158 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,080 What's it called? Loaf of bread cam. 159 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,120 Seriously? 160 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,160 He's not on Facebook. 161 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,400 How can he not be on Facebook? 162 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,480 Everyone's on Facebook. 163 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,560 That doesn't make any sense. 164 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,640 Maybe he changed his name cos he got married. 165 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,840 What? Maybe he's not on Facebook because he doesn't exist. 166 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:31,960 What about that tea towel? 167 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:36,960 Where is it? 168 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,760 This is it. Got it. 169 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,760 I've got it. This is it. 170 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,040 There. 171 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,520 That's him. Let me see. He's here. 172 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,600 Rob Robinson. I got it. 173 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,360 You see? Right there. 174 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,480 Rob Robinson. 175 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,320 And that was him. And I was... 176 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,560 I knew it, didn't I? 177 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:00,920 And that looks like him, as well. 178 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,120 That looks exactly like him. 179 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,160 There's a massive pond in the back of there 180 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,040 and two summers ago, it got really bad algae. 181 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,520 32 grand's worth of Koi carp just dead in a day. 182 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,960 And the algae was thick, like a pint of cheese. 183 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,640 And down there is karate club. 184 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,160 On my first day of karate club, karate master goes to me, "Kerry, 185 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,760 "I don't know why you're here because I can't teach you anything." 186 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,440 "If anything, you should be teaching me." 187 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,720 And just gave me his black belt. 188 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,840 All right, Mand? 189 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,200 No, I'm not all right. You know that little old blind man? 190 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,760 Yeah. Yeah, when I was punching him in his face, 191 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,320 the lens from his glasses broke and cut my knuckle. 192 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,320 Oh, right. 193 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,440 Do you want a tattoo, by the way? 194 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,920 Why's that? Oh, I'm a qualified tattoo artist now, 195 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,760 I've got my certificate this morning. 196 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,320 Nice one. 197 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,240 Do you want one, then? Well, yeah, I've always wanted one 198 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,640 but I've just got no money. 199 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,080 I've been saving up. No, no, I'd do it for free. 200 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,320 Are you serious? 201 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,960 Yeah, helps me build up my portfolio and that. Oh! 202 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,000 Why don't you come round tomorrow afternoon, then? 203 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,480 That'd be amazing. 204 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,200 All right. Aw, nice one, Mand, cheers. 205 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,000 I'll see you later. 206 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,560 Tyson, fuck off! 207 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,800 So, there's a house over there 208 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,240 that we used to cherry knock at all the time. 209 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,720 But since Graham's wife died, we don't do it any more 210 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,280 cos we don't take the piss. 211 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,040 I'm going to do whatever it takes to find out what happened 212 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,200 to Robert Robinson. 213 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,240 My theory is...is that he died but they just kept it from us 214 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,320 cos we was just little, innocent children. 215 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,400 This is where Robert Robinson lived. 216 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,800 I can see him, I can just see him now, 217 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,560 just playing in the garden. 218 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,520 Summer evening, having so much fun and laughter. 219 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,040 Cos he loved life. 220 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,680 And then his mum comes out, "Robert, dinner's ready." 221 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,400 And he's like, "Mum, I don't want to eat, 222 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,160 "I'm having too much fun playing." 223 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,800 She goes, "You have to eat something, Robert." 224 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,920 And he goes, "No, seriously, I'm fine." 225 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,560 She goes, "Right, that's it." 226 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:18,800 So she grabs him by the neck, like this, pulls him in, 227 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,240 and he's crying, 228 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,720 and he's putting his heels in but she's kicking him. 229 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,920 Thumping him on the back. 230 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,440 And so he gets sent up to his bedroom without any tea. 231 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,720 Kurtan? Cos he did have abusive parents. 232 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,760 What? There's a pair of old Spider-Man pants here 233 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,440 with some skidders in them. 234 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,760 Yeah. Those will be his. 235 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:47,200 It's just like one day he was here, and then the next, he was gone. 236 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,040 I can se... I can feel, I can feel, Kerr, I can feel him here. 237 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,680 I'm getting this weird feeling, I swear to God. 238 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:03,800 You all right, Kurts? 239 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,360 Can you just give me a minute? 240 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,360 He's loving this. 241 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,720 He gets very much too obsessive with things - 242 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,720 like, last week he was obsessed with finding out what happened 243 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,600 to the cast of The Queen's Nose. 244 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,520 It's, like, an old kids' programme that was on TV. 245 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,080 And a lot of them are still acting, actually. 246 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:29,120 And then he got obsessed with the...the Fuse bar. 247 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,120 He had to write a letter to Cadbury's 248 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,280 asking what happened to the Fuse bar. 249 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,400 And they wrote back saying, "The sales weren't great 250 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,000 "but thank you so much for taking the time to write in." 251 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:53,000 Thanks again so much for this, Mand, honestly, I can't believe it. 252 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,480 So, do you know what you want, then? 253 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,800 I just can't decide at the moment. 254 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,080 Why don't you have a look through one of these books, then? 255 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,640 Choose something from there. Cheers, Mand. 256 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,360 So, what's that one? 257 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,440 That's a pig. 258 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,120 All right. 259 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,600 Sorry, who's that? 260 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,280 That's Friends. 261 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,800 And that one? Harry Styles. 262 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,760 Tasmanian. 263 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,360 That's Justin Bieber. 264 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,320 Fred Flintstone. Spock. 265 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,280 Stig of the Dump. 266 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,640 All right. Who did these? 267 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,520 Me. Oh, right. 268 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,440 They're really good. 269 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:32,480 I know. 270 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,520 Who's that one? 271 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:38,880 That's Grant from EastEnders 272 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,160 but also it could be that bloke off MasterChef. 273 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,320 Oh, right. If you put glasses on it. 274 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:50,280 Do you know what? I think I'm going to have to just 275 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,160 go home and just have a think about it. 276 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,600 Why? 277 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:59,800 Cos...well, they're just so good, I can't choose which one. 278 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,880 So, you're wasting my time? 279 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,000 Cos I've booked the whole afternoon off for this. 280 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,120 And I'm giving you one for free. 281 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,880 No, I... You're taking the piss, aren't you? 282 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,200 I do really want one, it's just, I... 283 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,840 I do, yeah, I do really want one, yeah. What? 284 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,240 I just don't know which one to have yet, that's the only thing. 285 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,400 Do you do, like, really small ones? 286 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,720 Like I literally just want, like, a K. 287 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,240 I don't do small ones, I only do massive ones. 288 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,960 Right. 289 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,400 You wanted one? Nah. 290 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,480 Do you know what? I am going to go home and think about it, Mand. 291 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,760 Mand... 292 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,720 Mandy? 293 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:48,760 Mandy? 294 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,640 Brilliant, she's dead. 295 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,800 MANDY SNORES 296 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,000 No, she's sleeping. 297 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,880 Oh, what the fuck... What, with her eyes open? 298 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,720 Yeah, my nan does it, it's like a weird condition or something. 299 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,760 Look, watch this. Mandy? 300 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,000 Your tattoos are shit. 301 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,160 Oi. 302 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,360 That's the whole day away. 303 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,400 She's sleep talking. 304 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,720 Oh. 305 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,400 (Fuck this, I'm getting out of here.) 306 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,600 (Go, let's get out.) 307 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,520 Oh, my God. 308 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,200 She's going to be so livid that we just, like, legged it. 309 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,080 Well, yeah, but... Oh... 310 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,880 You'd rather get a punch in the face, yeah, 311 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,920 than a giant tattoo for the rest of your life, so, just... Oh, my God. 312 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,200 Oh, for fuck's sake. DISTANT SHOUTING 313 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,560 Oh, well, don't stop, let's keep walking. 314 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,800 All right. Pretend we haven't seen him. 315 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,760 Kerr, wait! 316 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:05,800 What is it? 317 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:08,400 God! 318 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,920 Look at him, he's waddling like he's shat himself. 319 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:12,960 What is it, mate? 320 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,800 Well, what is it? 321 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,520 Kerr, come on, let's just go. 322 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,320 What? What? 323 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,600 Rob Robinson? Well, what about him? 324 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,840 What? What is it? 325 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,040 No, what about him? What is it? Rob Robinson? 326 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,080 What is it? 327 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,160 He's alive? How do you know? 328 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,760 Yeah? 329 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,240 Oh, yeah! 330 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,280 Seriously? 331 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,240 Seriously? 332 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,800 Kerr, this is...this is... This is serious now. 333 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,520 That is amazing. 334 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,560 Thanks for that, mate. 335 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,720 Thank the Lord for Slugs. 336 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:03,760 That's brilliant, that. 337 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,600 Come on. I can't believe it, that is... 338 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,440 That's great news. The plot thickens, Kerr. 339 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,040 Mum, what's for tea? 340 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,480 What? 341 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:28,880 Can I have a word, Kerr? 342 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,520 (She's going to fucking kill us.) 343 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,480 (Not me, I'm going home.) 344 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,120 (You're coming in with me.) 345 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,040 (She'll fucking....) 346 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,680 (Don't you fucking dare.) 347 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,720 All right, Mand? 348 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,440 Look, I'm sorry about earlier. 349 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,560 I don't want you to think I sleep on the job or nothing. 350 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,120 I'm a professional. No, honestly, you're fine, 351 00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,560 I reckon what we should do 352 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,800 is just forget about the whole thing, to be honest. 353 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,480 No, I brought all my tattooing stuff round now. 354 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,240 Yeah, but you're really tired, though, aren't you? 355 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,280 No. 356 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,520 Erm... 357 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:20,560 But I don't really know...what I want to have done yet, 358 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,920 that's the thing. 359 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,080 That's all right, I'll make it up as I go along. 360 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:25,120 Sit down. 361 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,720 Yeah, I could have said "no" to Mandy, but... 362 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,800 I want to support a local business, don't I? 363 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,200 Because that's who I am. 364 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,720 And when a tattoo removal company starts up round here, 365 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,280 I'll be supporting that, as well. 366 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,760 Take your top off. Yeah. 367 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,960 TATTOO GUN BUZZES 368 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,680 So, we're just outside the village. 369 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,480 It's been years since I've come up here. 370 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,800 Like, it's a long walk from my house, 371 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,880 but I think it's all going to be worth it 372 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,840 because I'm seeing Robert Robinson. 373 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,640 Slugs found out that he works in this garage 374 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:06,960 just outside the village. 375 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,640 I don't know what's going to happen. Like, anything could happen. 376 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:10,880 He might not want to see me. 377 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,920 He might just punch me in the face, and if he does, 378 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,960 I'm just going to stand there and take it 379 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,720 cos that is the least he deserves. 380 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,800 He might not even be the same lad I once knew, like... 381 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,120 He might not even be into salamanders any more. 382 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,840 But one thing I do know is that I lost him once 383 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,240 and I ain't ever going to lose him again. 384 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,720 I think that's him. 385 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,000 I am pretty sure, yeah, that is Robert fucking Robinson. 386 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,200 Right there. 387 00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,400 Robert? Yeah? 388 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:07,120 You are...you are exactly how I remembered, it's so weird. 389 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,480 All right. 390 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,400 It's me, Kurtan. 391 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,440 OK. 392 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,480 Like, no-one else remembers who you were, right? 393 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,120 But I never forgot who you were, Robert. 394 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,200 Sorry...sorry, who are you? 395 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,120 Kurtan. 396 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,760 You were in my class, yeah, in Year 6 for, like, two terms, 397 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,920 I bullied you relentlessly. 398 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,600 Right. You don't remember...? 399 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,560 What happened to you? 400 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,640 Well, I moved schools. 401 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,720 Right. And now I work here. 402 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,400 Why aren't you on Facebook? 403 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,440 I am on Facebook. 404 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,600 I changed my name to Salamander. 405 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,040 Of course. 406 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,120 I should... That is so you, as well. 407 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,960 What time do you finish here? 408 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,720 Ten minutes. Why? 409 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,000 I don't know. 410 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,920 What sort of broom is that? 411 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:15,960 I don't know. 412 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,680 All right, well, look after yourself, yeah? 413 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,440 Absolute waste of time. 414 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,880 So fucking boring. Jesus. 415 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,920 Nothing about him. 416 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,320 How are we going to get home from here, as well? 417 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,520 I've got to walk through this fucking shit. 418 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,520 Some things are just best left in the past, where they belong. 419 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,120 You've just got to live in the moment 420 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,720 and appreciate what's around you. 421 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,200 Because while you're pining for Noel Edmond's House Party, 422 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,720 you're missing out on Alan Carr's Chatty Man. 423 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,640 It's just shits and roundabouts. 424 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:28,560 Let's see it, then. 425 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,040 No. Come on, please. 426 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,480 No, I ain't showing you. Please, Kerr, come on. 427 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,840 Oh. Yeah, fine, but don't touch it. 428 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,000 I won't touch it. Cos it's still really painful. 429 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,560 That looks like a dog sniffing a bumhole. 430 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:48,760 Piss off! It's a wolf howling at a moon, thanks. 431 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,840 Oh... Dick. ..this'll cheer you up, yeah? 432 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,040 I spoke to Mr Perkins' grieving wife earlier... 433 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,360 Oh, yeah. And he's definitely still dead. 434 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,800 I know. 435 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,480 He's dead! 436 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:05,720 He's dead! 437 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,000 The bastard's dead. 31810

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