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1
00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:04,721
Ah, Douglas, just the
man I wanted to see.
2
00:00:04,973 --> 00:00:06,499
Give my résumé a once-over,
3
00:00:06,524 --> 00:00:07,373
will you?
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:07,916
Your résumé?
5
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:08,940
What's that about? What, you...
6
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,032
You want to go back to work?
Yeah.
7
00:00:11,122 --> 00:00:13,330
I just can't take it
anymore, Douglas.
8
00:00:13,332 --> 00:00:16,032
Sitting alone in that
basement all day.
9
00:00:16,034 --> 00:00:18,568
To be honest with you, I'm
starting to have some...
10
00:00:18,570 --> 00:00:21,037
very strange thoughts.
11
00:00:21,039 --> 00:00:22,538
Really. Huh.
12
00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:25,108
Hadn't picked up on that.
13
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:26,977
So, this going to land me a job,
14
00:00:26,979 --> 00:00:28,644
or what?
15
00:00:28,646 --> 00:00:29,846
Well, my first thought is,
16
00:00:29,848 --> 00:00:31,247
you might not want to do it
17
00:00:31,249 --> 00:00:33,049
in magic marker.
18
00:00:33,051 --> 00:00:35,185
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
19
00:00:35,187 --> 00:00:36,386
Hmm...
20
00:00:36,388 --> 00:00:37,753
and which Little Rascal
21
00:00:37,755 --> 00:00:39,555
were you?
22
00:00:39,557 --> 00:00:41,591
Onions, beloved by millions,
23
00:00:41,593 --> 00:00:44,861
till that bastard Alfalfa
took it all away.
24
00:00:46,503 --> 00:00:47,430
All right, this,
25
00:00:47,432 --> 00:00:49,029
see, I got to throw a
flag on this, okay?
26
00:00:49,054 --> 00:00:50,810
Somebody's going to
check with NASA.
27
00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:52,168
That's for me to worry about.
28
00:00:52,545 --> 00:00:53,169
All I wanted
29
00:00:53,171 --> 00:00:54,170
was for you to double-check
30
00:00:54,172 --> 00:00:55,171
my spelling and grammar
31
00:00:55,173 --> 00:00:55,960
and not nitpick
32
00:00:55,985 --> 00:00:56,984
at every little detail!
33
00:00:57,175 --> 00:00:58,541
Okay! Fine!
34
00:00:58,543 --> 00:01:00,010
You spelled GPA wrong.
35
00:01:00,012 --> 00:01:01,144
Other than that, it's perfect.
36
00:01:02,531 --> 00:01:04,003
Thank you.
37
00:01:04,582 --> 00:01:07,050
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary
38
00:01:07,906 --> 00:01:10,686
♪ My back is gettin' tight
39
00:01:10,688 --> 00:01:12,555
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic
40
00:01:47,031 --> 00:01:48,084
So there I am,
41
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,708
watching TV with my mom,
42
00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:51,199
and I turn to her and go,
43
00:01:51,224 --> 00:01:52,093
"Hey, when is Aunt Gwinnie
44
00:01:52,118 --> 00:01:53,149
getting here?"
45
00:01:53,174 --> 00:01:56,084
So I hear Larry
King on the TV say,
46
00:01:56,152 --> 00:01:57,551
"She'll be with us at 7:00."
47
00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:00,885
See, he was talking
about a guest.
48
00:02:00,910 --> 00:02:03,677
Uh, I think it was Joyce
Dewitt or Cindy Williams.
49
00:02:03,702 --> 00:02:04,826
I always get those two mixed up,
50
00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:08,653
but it sounded like
he was answering me.
51
00:02:08,751 --> 00:02:10,116
That's so weird, isn't it?
52
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:15,262
I wonder where Doug is.
53
00:02:16,182 --> 00:02:17,495
I bet you wish to God
54
00:02:17,497 --> 00:02:19,263
you hadn't lost your house key.
55
00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,964
No, no. This is...
56
00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:22,433
This is nice.
57
00:02:22,435 --> 00:02:24,067
Did you read that
thing in The Times
58
00:02:24,069 --> 00:02:25,815
about how some men can lactate?
59
00:02:27,755 --> 00:02:29,383
That was awesome!
I'm telling you,
60
00:02:29,408 --> 00:02:30,941
it's a rush every
time you get on.
61
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:31,698
Hey. Hey, babe.
62
00:02:31,723 --> 00:02:32,426
What's up?
63
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:33,169
Oh, not much.
64
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,234
I was just out riding
on Richie's hog.
65
00:02:35,914 --> 00:02:37,907
Okay. Please rephrase that.
66
00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:39,492
I got a motorcycle.
67
00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:40,758
Really? Yeah.
68
00:02:40,783 --> 00:02:41,937
It's unbelievable.
69
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,562
We went from here to,
like, Modells and back
70
00:02:43,587 --> 00:02:44,586
in, like, two minutes.
71
00:02:44,611 --> 00:02:45,261
It's so fast.
72
00:02:45,286 --> 00:02:46,685
You zip in and out
through traffic,
73
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,172
and I got to level with you.
74
00:02:48,197 --> 00:02:49,819
There was a breeze
blowing up my shorts
75
00:02:49,844 --> 00:02:52,244
that felt like Christmas.
76
00:02:53,766 --> 00:02:55,332
Very nice. House key, please.
77
00:02:55,334 --> 00:02:56,467
Oh, right.
78
00:02:56,469 --> 00:02:57,933
God, that was so cool.
79
00:02:57,958 --> 00:02:59,940
Everybody's looking at
you, like, whizzing by...
80
00:02:59,965 --> 00:03:00,736
and then, out of nowhere,
81
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:02,139
Richie just pulls this wheelie.
82
00:03:02,164 --> 00:03:04,722
I wasn't going for one.
You just leaned back.
83
00:03:06,345 --> 00:03:08,045
Uh, you know, from here,
84
00:03:08,047 --> 00:03:09,513
it sounds like Mr. Doug
85
00:03:09,515 --> 00:03:11,502
wants to buy himself
a motorcycle.
86
00:03:11,527 --> 00:03:12,475
You know what?
87
00:03:12,574 --> 00:03:13,908
I am a little tempted.
88
00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:16,099
Moose, you should see the
guy that I got mine from.
89
00:03:16,124 --> 00:03:17,324
He's got some real
beauties cheap,
90
00:03:17,349 --> 00:03:18,756
and they run like new.
91
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,164
You know what? Give
me his number.
92
00:03:20,189 --> 00:03:22,023
Maybe I'll...
93
00:03:22,562 --> 00:03:24,263
You're not getting a motorcycle.
94
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,387
Why not? Okay, Doug,
95
00:03:25,412 --> 00:03:27,379
did you not hear
my buzzer noise?
96
00:03:27,478 --> 00:03:29,111
This is not going to happen.
97
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:30,334
Why not?
98
00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:32,102
Because they're too dangerous,
99
00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:33,204
and people die on them.
100
00:03:33,206 --> 00:03:33,702
I don't want
101
00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:35,365
to have to constantly
worry about you.
102
00:03:35,390 --> 00:03:36,038
Yeah, but, Carrie, I wouldn't...
103
00:03:36,063 --> 00:03:38,392
Doug, no motorcycle.
104
00:03:38,417 --> 00:03:39,677
If you want, I'll
buy you a Schwinn,
105
00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:40,744
we'll put a baseball card
106
00:03:40,746 --> 00:03:41,411
in the spokes,
107
00:03:41,436 --> 00:03:42,790
It'll sound almost the same...
108
00:03:42,815 --> 00:03:44,582
Okay?
109
00:03:44,584 --> 00:03:47,017
Screw that noise.
110
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,405
I can get one if I want.
111
00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:49,695
Okay, Doug, give me your hand.
112
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,153
I want to make
this easy for you.
113
00:03:51,178 --> 00:03:52,111
No.
114
00:03:53,974 --> 00:03:55,341
No.
115
00:03:56,250 --> 00:03:57,056
Now, give me the keys.
116
00:03:57,081 --> 00:03:58,295
I don't want to miss
The Real World.
117
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,398
I love you. Don't be home late.
118
00:03:59,423 --> 00:04:00,019
Bye, guys.
119
00:04:00,044 --> 00:04:01,244
Goodnight, Carr. Bye-bye. Bye.
120
00:04:04,413 --> 00:04:05,241
What?
121
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:07,510
Nothing. So, uh...
122
00:04:07,593 --> 00:04:08,639
you want to shoot some pool,
123
00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:10,164
Mrs. Heffernan?
124
00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:14,124
Yeah, we could spot
you two balls.
125
00:04:17,842 --> 00:04:20,565
Hey, so much for
traditional gender roles,
126
00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:21,217
huh?
127
00:04:24,885 --> 00:04:26,553
I'm going to use the bathroom.
128
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:29,568
So, yeah, you want
to shoot a game?
129
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:30,332
For real.
130
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,476
No. You know what? No, thanks.
131
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:34,134
Come on, man, we're
just kidding around.
132
00:04:34,159 --> 00:04:35,907
It's not you. It's Carrie.
133
00:04:36,212 --> 00:04:37,147
I mean, what was that about?
134
00:04:37,172 --> 00:04:38,340
"No. No discussion."
135
00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:39,379
Sorry.
136
00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:41,747
Sorry!
137
00:04:41,951 --> 00:04:43,218
Easy. Easy.
138
00:04:44,605 --> 00:04:45,983
I just thought marriage
was supposed to be
139
00:04:46,008 --> 00:04:48,870
this mutual sharing
dialog thing.
140
00:04:49,379 --> 00:04:50,320
No.
141
00:04:51,728 --> 00:04:54,039
Well, you know what?
Ours is. Usually.
142
00:04:54,064 --> 00:04:54,979
Oh, really?
143
00:04:55,408 --> 00:04:56,639
Last year, uh...
144
00:04:57,017 --> 00:04:58,717
Where was it you wanted
to go on vacation?
145
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,025
Baseball Hall of Fame.
Baseball Hall of Fame.
146
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,102
Cooperstown,
147
00:05:02,149 --> 00:05:04,149
and, uh, where'd
you end up going?
148
00:05:04,378 --> 00:05:06,209
Antiquing in Connecticut.
149
00:05:06,234 --> 00:05:09,031
So you did, and, uh, last week,
150
00:05:09,056 --> 00:05:11,419
when we were renting movies to
watch with the wives, uh...
151
00:05:11,668 --> 00:05:13,033
what did we end up renting?
152
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:14,732
I don't know.
153
00:05:15,074 --> 00:05:15,851
I can't remember.
154
00:05:15,876 --> 00:05:17,276
No, no. What did we rent?
155
00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:18,317
I don't know. What did we rent?
156
00:05:18,342 --> 00:05:19,247
Hope Floats, all right?
157
00:05:19,272 --> 00:05:21,211
There it is! Hope Floats!
158
00:05:21,236 --> 00:05:22,503
You see what I'm saying?
159
00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:24,206
You're married.
160
00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:25,200
Don't fight it.
161
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:26,040
You just got to...
162
00:05:26,065 --> 00:05:28,199
Focus on a point
on the wall and...
163
00:05:28,409 --> 00:05:29,424
let it happen.
164
00:05:30,551 --> 00:05:32,003
No. No, you know what?
165
00:05:32,028 --> 00:05:33,471
You focus. Not this guy.
166
00:05:33,496 --> 00:05:34,525
I'm picking up my own soap,
167
00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:36,283
and I'm getting out
of the shower.
168
00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:37,042
Soap?
169
00:05:37,447 --> 00:05:39,114
What the hell are
you talking about?
170
00:05:39,393 --> 00:05:41,459
I don't know. What are
you talking about?
171
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,520
She's pretty sweet, huh?
172
00:05:46,545 --> 00:05:47,544
Oh, that she is.
173
00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:48,568
Richie's right. You, uh...
174
00:05:48,841 --> 00:05:49,716
You do nice work.
175
00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:50,241
Yeah.
176
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:51,265
I hollowed out the cams,
177
00:05:51,342 --> 00:05:52,474
put in bigger piston heads.
178
00:05:52,499 --> 00:05:53,999
You know, give it a
couple more horses.
179
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,557
Good. Yeah, because I, uh...
180
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,798
I probably would've
hollowed them out myself.
181
00:05:58,823 --> 00:06:01,324
Now I don't have to.
That's good.
182
00:06:01,379 --> 00:06:02,411
So, you want to do the deal?
183
00:06:02,521 --> 00:06:03,761
Hmm. I don't know.
184
00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:04,488
What do you want for it?
185
00:06:04,513 --> 00:06:05,512
1200.
186
00:06:05,705 --> 00:06:06,423
Hmm.
187
00:06:06,448 --> 00:06:07,123
It's a nice bike,
188
00:06:07,148 --> 00:06:08,651
but I don't know
if it's 1200 nice.
189
00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:09,289
1200.
190
00:06:09,314 --> 00:06:10,316
It is nice.
191
00:06:11,896 --> 00:06:13,908
Still, I don't know, you know?
192
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,536
1200...
193
00:06:18,136 --> 00:06:19,403
What are you looking for?
194
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,531
I don't know. Here's 1200.
195
00:06:27,073 --> 00:06:29,347
Darling, I need to
borrow the iron.
196
00:06:29,517 --> 00:06:31,140
Dad, I told you.
197
00:06:31,402 --> 00:06:33,017
If you want a grilled
cheese sandwich,
198
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,669
I will make you one.
199
00:06:35,442 --> 00:06:35,979
No, no.
200
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,229
I just wanted to press my pants.
201
00:06:38,589 --> 00:06:40,925
I got a job interview
in the morning.
202
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,385
Really?
203
00:06:42,441 --> 00:06:43,861
Good for you.
204
00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:45,116
What for?
205
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:48,253
Head of Pediatrics,
Long Island Jewish.
206
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:52,870
Great.
207
00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:54,814
Sure hope you don't get it.
208
00:06:55,905 --> 00:06:58,824
Okay, I think I know
where that came from.
209
00:06:58,849 --> 00:06:59,652
Now, look,
210
00:07:00,106 --> 00:07:01,153
I love you.
211
00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:02,989
When I go back to work,
212
00:07:03,014 --> 00:07:06,181
you will not become
a latchkey child.
213
00:07:06,348 --> 00:07:08,748
That is my pledge to you.
214
00:07:56,086 --> 00:07:56,655
Hey, babe.
215
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:57,251
Hi.
216
00:07:59,015 --> 00:07:59,603
What happened?
217
00:07:59,628 --> 00:08:00,598
I thought you were coming home
218
00:08:00,623 --> 00:08:01,577
right after work.
219
00:08:01,602 --> 00:08:03,951
Uh, actually, I stopped...
somewhere first.
220
00:08:03,976 --> 00:08:07,016
In fact, I, uh... I
need to talk to you.
221
00:08:07,041 --> 00:08:08,666
Let me just get dinner
started real quick.
222
00:08:08,691 --> 00:08:09,531
Uh, dinner can wait.
223
00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:10,955
I want to get this out now.
224
00:08:11,314 --> 00:08:12,825
Dinner can wait?
225
00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:15,895
Okay. Now you're
really scaring me.
226
00:08:20,604 --> 00:08:21,458
Well?
227
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:22,270
What?
228
00:08:22,321 --> 00:08:23,048
Carrie,
229
00:08:23,073 --> 00:08:24,987
sometimes in a marriage...
230
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,533
there comes a time when...
231
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:31,827
one of the...
232
00:08:32,519 --> 00:08:35,486
members of that marriage
233
00:08:35,674 --> 00:08:37,266
needs to express themselves
234
00:08:37,291 --> 00:08:38,132
in a way that...
235
00:08:38,157 --> 00:08:38,523
Douglas,
236
00:08:38,548 --> 00:08:40,866
that is one bad-ass
motorcycle you got out there.
237
00:08:40,891 --> 00:08:42,146
Nice work, kiddo.
238
00:08:56,045 --> 00:08:57,166
You got a motorcycle?
239
00:08:57,191 --> 00:08:58,662
Can I finish my story, please?
240
00:08:59,223 --> 00:09:00,728
You got a motorcycle?
241
00:09:00,753 --> 00:09:02,422
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I got a bike.
242
00:09:02,447 --> 00:09:03,433
I got a bike. I got a bike.
243
00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:04,381
There, I said it. I don't care.
244
00:09:04,406 --> 00:09:05,711
I said it. It's out there.
245
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:09,601
By the way, Douglas,
246
00:09:09,626 --> 00:09:11,247
did Carrie tell you I
got a job interview?
247
00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,192
Honey, you can't run from this.
248
00:09:15,217 --> 00:09:16,513
Daddy needs to work!
249
00:09:17,605 --> 00:09:18,999
Douglas, get her.
250
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:22,240
Have you lost your mind?
251
00:09:22,265 --> 00:09:23,436
And we discussed this.
252
00:09:23,555 --> 00:09:24,788
No, no, we didn't discuss it.
253
00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:25,528
You discussed it.
254
00:09:25,553 --> 00:09:27,152
I barely got a sentence in.
255
00:09:27,177 --> 00:09:30,301
Doug, I specifically forbade
you from buying this.
256
00:09:30,326 --> 00:09:33,322
Forbade me? Forbade?
You can't forbade me.
257
00:09:33,736 --> 00:09:35,034
Are you insane?
258
00:09:35,059 --> 00:09:36,926
I mean, what the hell do you
think you're doing here?
259
00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:38,440
I knew you would
overreact like this.
260
00:09:38,465 --> 00:09:40,399
Look, I just wanted one.
Huh? It'll be fun.
261
00:09:40,424 --> 00:09:41,623
Fun? Really?
262
00:09:41,687 --> 00:09:43,487
Will it be fun when
you're in a wheelchair?
263
00:09:44,074 --> 00:09:45,067
Maybe.
264
00:09:46,718 --> 00:09:48,421
This is going back tomorrow.
265
00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:50,339
No, it's not going
back tomorrow.
266
00:09:51,076 --> 00:09:52,113
Oh. Oh, it is.
267
00:09:52,138 --> 00:09:53,137
Uh-uh. It's not.
268
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:54,191
It's so going back.
269
00:09:54,216 --> 00:09:55,761
It's so not going back.
270
00:09:56,314 --> 00:09:58,444
Hey, Doug, not only are you
stupid for buying this,
271
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,250
but you're arguing about it
in a really annoying way.
272
00:10:01,451 --> 00:10:02,543
Tough noogies.
273
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,976
Look, I'm keeping
the motorcycle.
274
00:10:08,001 --> 00:10:08,590
For once,
275
00:10:08,590 --> 00:10:10,192
I'm wearing the pants
in the family.
276
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:10,870
Fine. Fine.
277
00:10:10,895 --> 00:10:12,331
Keep the damn bike.
278
00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:13,355
I will. Fine.
279
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,379
I will. Fine.
280
00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:15,030
I will.
281
00:10:15,055 --> 00:10:16,181
And by the way,
282
00:10:16,206 --> 00:10:17,606
if you want to wear the pants,
283
00:10:17,631 --> 00:10:19,230
you might think about
pulling them up.
284
00:10:38,788 --> 00:10:39,821
Well, peaches,
285
00:10:39,968 --> 00:10:42,255
I think congratulations
are in order.
286
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,876
Your father got himself a job.
287
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:48,696
Well, I'm going to assume it's
not the head of Pediatrics.
288
00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:49,697
No, no.
289
00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:50,394
Unfortunately,
290
00:10:50,419 --> 00:10:52,409
they did a little
fishing around,
291
00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:55,963
so instead, I accepted an
offer from an enterprise
292
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:58,198
known as "A Big Hot Pretzel."
293
00:10:59,616 --> 00:11:03,161
Well, the important thing is, you
still get to work with kids.
294
00:11:03,313 --> 00:11:04,830
Congratulations.
295
00:11:04,855 --> 00:11:06,122
I'm proud of you.
296
00:11:06,147 --> 00:11:07,165
Thank you.
297
00:11:07,617 --> 00:11:08,458
The pay's not great,
298
00:11:08,483 --> 00:11:09,025
but they agreed
299
00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:10,436
to let me work evenings.
300
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:10,961
That way,
301
00:11:10,986 --> 00:11:14,153
you and I can have
our days together.
302
00:11:14,288 --> 00:11:16,587
I'd love to, Dad, but you
know, I work during the day.
303
00:11:17,173 --> 00:11:18,158
Come on, darling.
304
00:11:18,183 --> 00:11:19,344
You're going to
have to be flexible
305
00:11:19,369 --> 00:11:21,137
if we're going to
make this work.
306
00:11:22,259 --> 00:11:24,159
Okay, well, I guess
my only other option
307
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,475
is to quit my job?
308
00:11:25,515 --> 00:11:26,893
That's my girl.
309
00:11:28,028 --> 00:11:30,063
Sewing kit? Here we go.
310
00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:31,505
Got to let the crotch out
311
00:11:31,530 --> 00:11:32,488
on these trousers.
312
00:11:32,513 --> 00:11:34,380
After all, I'm selling pretzels,
313
00:11:34,405 --> 00:11:35,904
not myself.
314
00:11:41,561 --> 00:11:42,601
What's up?
315
00:11:52,588 --> 00:11:54,004
Hey, babe.
316
00:11:54,412 --> 00:11:55,488
Kiss?
317
00:11:57,778 --> 00:11:59,181
You, uh, you want to
know where I was?
318
00:11:59,206 --> 00:11:59,982
I was...
319
00:12:00,007 --> 00:12:01,568
I was out cruising.
320
00:12:02,746 --> 00:12:04,880
Good for you, sweetie.
321
00:12:06,197 --> 00:12:07,834
I was on my motorcycle.
322
00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:09,669
I know. I know.
323
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:11,159
I'm fine with that.
324
00:12:11,159 --> 00:12:11,921
You are?
325
00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:13,923
Yeah, you know, I had
a good night's sleep,
326
00:12:14,053 --> 00:12:15,442
thought things through,
327
00:12:15,442 --> 00:12:16,635
and I figured, hey,
you know what?
328
00:12:16,835 --> 00:12:18,987
If a motorcycle makes you happy,
329
00:12:19,179 --> 00:12:21,406
then I'm happy too,
because you know what?
330
00:12:22,031 --> 00:12:23,324
Life's too short
331
00:12:23,324 --> 00:12:25,452
not to do the things
that make you happy.
332
00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:26,311
Right?
333
00:12:31,549 --> 00:12:32,525
Right.
334
00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:35,545
So, you want to
split an egg roll?
335
00:12:36,504 --> 00:12:36,903
Do you?
336
00:12:36,938 --> 00:12:37,740
All right...
337
00:12:39,446 --> 00:12:40,867
What are you doing here?
338
00:12:41,306 --> 00:12:42,844
What? Oh. Oh, this?
339
00:12:42,897 --> 00:12:44,312
I'm just doing what
makes me happy.
340
00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:45,555
Oh, you know what?
341
00:12:45,863 --> 00:12:47,499
These are so smooth.
342
00:12:48,451 --> 00:12:50,185
We've come a long way, baby.
343
00:12:51,421 --> 00:12:53,438
So you're going to get
cancer to make a point?
344
00:12:53,485 --> 00:12:56,107
Sure. I'll be in an iron lung,
you'll be in a wheelchair.
345
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:56,900
Hey, you know what?
346
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,360
Maybe we can chip in and
share a helper monkey.
347
00:13:00,565 --> 00:13:02,197
Well, you know what?
It's not going to work.
348
00:13:02,638 --> 00:13:03,574
You can smoke all you want.
349
00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:04,126
I don't care.
350
00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:06,512
Well, I'm glad you feel
that way, sweetie.
351
00:13:06,512 --> 00:13:07,410
Oh, I do.
352
00:13:08,198 --> 00:13:09,871
I do. I do. You know?
353
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,123
Look, I'm not going to
play games, Carrie.
354
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,499
I'm not going to that place
where you want me to go here.
355
00:13:13,642 --> 00:13:14,875
If you want to ruin your lungs,
356
00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:15,668
then that's...
357
00:13:18,838 --> 00:13:19,823
All right.
358
00:13:20,116 --> 00:13:21,078
Put her out.
359
00:13:21,078 --> 00:13:22,467
I can't eat in that stink.
360
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:23,916
Well, then go eat
with your motorcycle,
361
00:13:23,916 --> 00:13:26,095
because I likes to
smoke while I eat.
362
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,330
Fine. You know what?
I will. I will.
363
00:13:30,355 --> 00:13:30,825
You know what?
364
00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:32,242
I will, and you can
smoke all you want,
365
00:13:32,247 --> 00:13:33,545
because I'm keeping
my motorcycle.
366
00:13:34,943 --> 00:13:36,210
Duck sauce.
367
00:14:47,316 --> 00:14:48,939
Oh, don't mind me.
368
00:14:48,964 --> 00:14:50,736
I'm just looking for something.
369
00:14:52,209 --> 00:14:54,016
Oh, thank God.
370
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:55,876
You know,
371
00:14:55,901 --> 00:14:57,134
if you lose one of these things,
372
00:14:57,159 --> 00:14:58,492
it comes right out
of your paycheck.
373
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,148
I already owe them
374
00:15:00,173 --> 00:15:01,983
for that stupid soda machine.
375
00:15:04,412 --> 00:15:05,470
So, uh... you...
376
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,390
You still enjoying the chopper?
377
00:15:09,415 --> 00:15:09,932
Hmm?
378
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,886
Oh, uh, yeah.
379
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,277
It's great.
380
00:15:13,563 --> 00:15:16,414
Don't let Carrie get you down.
381
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:18,900
You know, when I
had my motorcycle,
382
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,915
her mother was the same way.
383
00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:21,983
You had a bike?
384
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,030
Sure. Loved it too.
385
00:15:24,598 --> 00:15:25,907
The great open road.
386
00:15:26,109 --> 00:15:27,783
Rumble of your machine.
387
00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:31,262
Camaraderie of your
gang brothers.
388
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,401
You were in a gang?
389
00:15:35,494 --> 00:15:36,417
Not really.
390
00:15:36,799 --> 00:15:37,937
I asked them to let me in,
391
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,635
but they drank
heavily all weekend
392
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:42,465
and beat me pretty severely...
393
00:15:46,123 --> 00:15:46,664
Okay.
394
00:15:47,429 --> 00:15:50,709
And I think I may
have been compromised
395
00:15:50,734 --> 00:15:52,266
by a gentleman named...
396
00:15:52,602 --> 00:15:53,993
Road Dog.
397
00:16:14,936 --> 00:16:17,238
God, I hate you!
398
00:16:19,662 --> 00:16:21,061
Carrie!
399
00:16:21,086 --> 00:16:22,171
Up here.
400
00:16:28,479 --> 00:16:29,261
Hey.
401
00:16:30,873 --> 00:16:32,364
Want to have sex?
402
00:16:33,495 --> 00:16:34,683
I'm getting rid of the bike.
403
00:16:35,311 --> 00:16:36,453
You are? Mm-hmm.
404
00:16:36,478 --> 00:16:37,710
Selling it tomorrow. You happy?
405
00:16:38,114 --> 00:16:38,954
Well...
406
00:16:39,514 --> 00:16:40,523
yeah.
407
00:16:41,372 --> 00:16:43,238
What happened? You
get sick of it?
408
00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:45,961
No. Sorry. I didn't
get sick of it.
409
00:16:46,433 --> 00:16:48,565
You got sick of it.
410
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,828
No. Yes!
411
00:16:49,853 --> 00:16:51,508
No. Let me tell you
something, Carrie, okay?
412
00:16:51,508 --> 00:16:52,707
I love that bike, okay?
413
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,120
I'm a free spirit on that bike.
414
00:16:54,211 --> 00:16:56,211
Me and that bike are
like this, okay?
415
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,533
Then why you getting rid of it?
416
00:17:00,326 --> 00:17:01,392
Why, you ask me?
417
00:17:01,982 --> 00:17:03,963
Because it just so happens
418
00:17:04,115 --> 00:17:05,648
that I love this...
419
00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:06,722
more.
420
00:17:07,541 --> 00:17:08,716
This is why
421
00:17:08,741 --> 00:17:09,516
I'm getting rid of the bike,
422
00:17:09,541 --> 00:17:10,640
and no other reason,
423
00:17:10,737 --> 00:17:11,679
and you know what?
424
00:17:12,048 --> 00:17:13,554
If you can't understand that,
425
00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:14,282
then...
426
00:17:14,632 --> 00:17:17,065
how sad your world must be.
427
00:17:26,507 --> 00:17:27,714
Ah, there she is.
428
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:30,756
The harpy who made her
husband sell his motorcycle.
429
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:31,896
Dad, please.
430
00:17:31,896 --> 00:17:33,535
Please, nothing. I
know why you did this,
431
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:34,880
but let me tell you one thing.
432
00:17:34,905 --> 00:17:36,338
Motorcycle or no motorcycle,
433
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,980
I'll find a way to get to work.
434
00:17:38,021 --> 00:17:39,020
Dad!
435
00:17:39,136 --> 00:17:40,622
I'll take the bus if I have to.
436
00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:43,321
Sure, the bus can't pick
me up at my front door
437
00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:46,169
or make my tushy feel good with
its rhythmic vibrations...
438
00:17:46,194 --> 00:17:47,293
Dad, wait.
439
00:17:47,318 --> 00:17:48,784
Would you just listen
to me, please?
440
00:17:48,990 --> 00:17:51,057
I'm glad you got a job.
441
00:17:51,107 --> 00:17:52,774
I made Doug get rid
of the motorcycle
442
00:17:52,799 --> 00:17:54,164
because they're way
too dangerous.
443
00:17:54,761 --> 00:17:55,423
Uh-huh.
444
00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:57,266
Well...
445
00:17:58,085 --> 00:17:59,643
you know what's more dangerous?
446
00:18:01,137 --> 00:18:02,204
What?
447
00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:04,369
Having somebody resent you
448
00:18:04,394 --> 00:18:06,634
for making them give
up their dream...
449
00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:10,654
and you know what's
even more dangerous?
450
00:18:11,956 --> 00:18:13,265
Leaving a pair of boxer shorts
451
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:14,462
drying on a space heater,
452
00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:16,287
so if you'll excuse me...
453
00:18:24,519 --> 00:18:25,394
Aah!
454
00:18:32,661 --> 00:18:33,927
I sold you.
455
00:18:36,446 --> 00:18:38,746
Oh, shoot. You're home already.
456
00:18:38,771 --> 00:18:39,634
I didn't get a chance
457
00:18:39,636 --> 00:18:41,235
to put the bow on it yet.
458
00:18:41,237 --> 00:18:42,188
Well...
459
00:18:42,213 --> 00:18:43,071
here.
460
00:18:43,096 --> 00:18:43,829
What...
461
00:18:43,854 --> 00:18:45,228
What have you done?
462
00:18:46,276 --> 00:18:47,430
I felt really guilty
463
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:48,458
about making you sell it,
464
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:49,733
and I didn't want you to hate me
465
00:18:49,745 --> 00:18:51,570
for the rest of your life, so...
466
00:18:52,015 --> 00:18:53,315
I bought it back.
467
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,015
You bought it back!
468
00:18:54,017 --> 00:18:54,644
That's...
469
00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:56,074
You bought it back.
470
00:18:57,854 --> 00:18:58,666
So what's the deal?
471
00:18:58,691 --> 00:18:59,703
I don't get a hug for this?
472
00:19:00,027 --> 00:19:01,193
Oh, yeah!
473
00:19:01,218 --> 00:19:02,456
Yeah.
474
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,042
Now...
475
00:19:05,688 --> 00:19:07,388
no riding at night,
476
00:19:07,764 --> 00:19:09,361
no riding on the expressway,
477
00:19:09,386 --> 00:19:10,684
and no riding in bad weather.
478
00:19:10,709 --> 00:19:11,146
You got it?
479
00:19:11,171 --> 00:19:11,838
Yeah. Yeah.
480
00:19:11,863 --> 00:19:12,502
Oh, wait.
481
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,827
I have another surprise for you.
482
00:19:14,838 --> 00:19:16,570
They just keep
coming, don't they?
483
00:19:19,623 --> 00:19:21,953
Now we can go riding together.
484
00:19:22,398 --> 00:19:23,151
Look at me.
485
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,715
I'm Pinky Tuscadero.
486
00:19:28,143 --> 00:19:28,695
Come on.
487
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,309
Let's take it for a spin.
488
00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:31,818
Let's bust some heads, baby.
489
00:19:31,843 --> 00:19:33,210
Okay.
490
00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:36,834
Come on!
491
00:19:36,859 --> 00:19:38,825
Okay! Yeah! Okay!
492
00:19:39,139 --> 00:19:40,371
All right.
493
00:19:46,847 --> 00:19:49,382
Honey, don't you
need to, like...
494
00:19:49,462 --> 00:19:51,729
start it or something?
495
00:19:55,377 --> 00:19:56,192
Funny story.
496
00:19:56,217 --> 00:19:58,111
Uh, hey, get ready to laugh.
497
00:19:59,077 --> 00:20:00,555
It turns out I hate the bike.
498
00:20:02,399 --> 00:20:02,956
What?
499
00:20:02,981 --> 00:20:03,725
I hate it.
500
00:20:03,887 --> 00:20:05,099
Hey, let's go buy you a gift.
501
00:20:05,124 --> 00:20:05,980
Come on.
502
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:07,562
Doug!
503
00:20:07,983 --> 00:20:09,486
What do you mean
you hate the bike?
504
00:20:09,511 --> 00:20:10,438
I thought you loved this thing.
505
00:20:10,463 --> 00:20:12,000
I don't love it, okay?
506
00:20:12,763 --> 00:20:13,996
I mean, I get rained on,
507
00:20:14,021 --> 00:20:15,186
people laugh at me,
508
00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:16,749
and at night, no
one can see you.
509
00:20:16,774 --> 00:20:17,532
At night, you're going to die.
510
00:20:17,557 --> 00:20:18,287
You might as well just face it.
511
00:20:18,312 --> 00:20:19,408
You're going to die.
512
00:20:20,465 --> 00:20:22,956
Well, then what was that
load of crap you gave me
513
00:20:22,981 --> 00:20:24,183
about how much you loved it,
514
00:20:24,208 --> 00:20:26,642
but you loved this more?
515
00:20:26,895 --> 00:20:27,961
I was embarrassed, all right?
516
00:20:27,986 --> 00:20:28,874
I was just trying
to get out of this
517
00:20:28,899 --> 00:20:30,190
with a shred of manhood.
518
00:20:30,311 --> 00:20:31,413
And you thought you'd do that
519
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:33,737
by making me feel guilty
for the rest of my life?
520
00:20:34,161 --> 00:20:36,191
It felt right at the time, yeah.
521
00:20:36,856 --> 00:20:38,300
What is wrong with you?
522
00:20:38,325 --> 00:20:40,487
I fell there!
523
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:43,292
Look, it was your fault too.
524
00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:44,039
My fault?
525
00:20:44,064 --> 00:20:47,432
Yeah, that... That buzzer noise
is so insulting, you know?
526
00:20:47,624 --> 00:20:49,964
I don't like it when you do
it in front of my friends...
527
00:20:50,908 --> 00:20:53,176
and I really don't like it
when you do it during sex.
528
00:20:54,646 --> 00:20:56,597
Anybody would've buzzed
you on that one.
529
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:59,297
Hello. It was dark.
I was disoriented.
530
00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:01,800
Okay.
531
00:21:02,111 --> 00:21:06,037
I'm sorry I buzzed you about
getting the motorcycle.
532
00:21:06,545 --> 00:21:08,540
I just did it
because I love you.
533
00:21:09,064 --> 00:21:10,330
I know. I...
534
00:21:10,355 --> 00:21:12,085
I love you too. Come here.
535
00:21:14,656 --> 00:21:15,656
All right.
536
00:21:15,658 --> 00:21:17,566
Well, let's see where we're at
537
00:21:17,591 --> 00:21:18,800
with this thing.
538
00:21:19,535 --> 00:21:21,635
We got a bike that we don't want
539
00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:23,471
that we bought twice
540
00:21:23,966 --> 00:21:25,682
and I'm addicted to smoking.
541
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,332
Yeah, but we, uh... We
still got this, right?
542
00:21:29,357 --> 00:21:31,605
Hmm? Oh, yeah. We
still have this.
543
00:21:31,953 --> 00:21:33,690
Okay, um...
544
00:21:34,205 --> 00:21:35,994
I guess I'll just
call Dirk tomorrow
545
00:21:36,019 --> 00:21:37,907
and see if I can get
my 800 bucks back.
546
00:21:37,932 --> 00:21:38,579
Eight?
547
00:21:38,581 --> 00:21:40,380
You, uh, you got the
bike for eight?
548
00:21:40,596 --> 00:21:43,533
Yeah. He wanted 1200.
Can you believe that?
549
00:21:44,687 --> 00:21:46,261
That's ridiculous.
550
00:22:01,078 --> 00:22:02,121
Hey, honey.
551
00:22:02,146 --> 00:22:02,860
Hey.
552
00:22:02,885 --> 00:22:03,884
How you feeling?
553
00:22:03,909 --> 00:22:04,941
Great.
554
00:22:05,114 --> 00:22:07,235
This nicotine patch
really works.
555
00:22:07,552 --> 00:22:09,619
It's like, "Cigarette?"
556
00:22:09,644 --> 00:22:10,685
"No, thanks."
557
00:22:11,301 --> 00:22:12,900
Good. I'm glad you
feel that way.
558
00:22:14,305 --> 00:22:15,432
You know, I think we're getting
559
00:22:15,457 --> 00:22:16,733
a little low on shampoo.
560
00:22:16,758 --> 00:22:18,001
Can you pick up some later?
561
00:22:18,026 --> 00:22:18,735
You got it.
562
00:22:19,603 --> 00:22:20,492
Oh, and don't forget,
563
00:22:20,517 --> 00:22:22,176
we're having dinner
with Deacon and Kelly
564
00:22:22,201 --> 00:22:23,966
on Thursday.
36305
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