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[♪♪♪]
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ANNOUNCER:
In a world of unspeakable
brutality...
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00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,713
freedom had a name.
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00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:17,350
And that name was Freeman.
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Catcher Freeman.
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This is the true story
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of the man who risked
everything for justice...
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00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,031
and love.
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Savior, soldier, killer...
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[BONES CRACKING]
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...hero.
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And he was your great--
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GRANDDAD:
Great-great-great-granddaddy.
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00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:47,447
The story
of Catcher Freeman.
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00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:48,748
RILEY:
Come on, Granddad.
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I may not know nothin'
about history,
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00:00:50,449 --> 00:00:51,651
but I ain't stupid.
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None of that story is true.
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It is true.
Catcher Freeman was a hero.
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And don't you ever forget it.
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Excuse me.
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[GRANDDAD SOBBING]
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♪ I am the stone
The builder refused ♪
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♪ I am the visual
The inspiration ♪
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00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,467
♪ That made lady
Sing the blues ♪
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00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,335
♪ I'm the spark
That makes your idea bright ♪
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00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:10,936
♪ The same spark
That lights the dark ♪
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♪ So that you can know
Left from right ♪
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00:01:12,538 --> 00:01:15,374
♪ I am the ballot in your box
The bullet in the gun ♪
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♪ The inner glow
That lets you know ♪
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♪ To call your brother sun ♪
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♪ The story that just begun ♪
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♪ The promise
Of what's to come ♪
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♪ And I'm 'a remain a soldier ♪
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♪ Till the war is won
Won ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,955
♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop
Judo flip ♪
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♪ Chop, chop, chop ♪
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[SOUL MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ Sing a song... ♪
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RILEY:
That nigga lying.
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And how would you know?
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Granddad always making up
some shit about history.
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How come everyone we related to
is somebody famous?
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The first nigga to go
to the moon,
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or the first nigga
to pole vault?
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Tsk. Man, he made up
Catcher Freeman.
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Shoot, he probably made up
this whole "slavery" thing.
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What nigga you know
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00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:59,084
gonna work all day
in a hot field for no paper?
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See, that's your problem.
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00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,888
You be believin' anything
somebody tells you
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or put in a...book.
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See, I keep my mental mind
extra secure. Nothing gets in.
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Where you going?
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Don't wanna hear the rest
of the story?
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00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:13,465
No, I don't wanna hear no more
of your made-up stories.
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00:02:13,465 --> 00:02:15,401
I told you,
Catcher Freeman was real.
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That's your great-
great-great-great-granddaddy.
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What about when you told us
your cousin integrated baseball?
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He did.
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00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,442
At school they said
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00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,644
Jackie Robinson
integrated baseball.
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That's your fourth cousin
on my uncle's side.
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00:02:26,612 --> 00:02:28,714
Jackie Robinson Freeman.
The Freeman is silent.
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Now hush and pay attention.
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Catcher Freeman was
the greatest black man ever.
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He was Malcolm X, Nat Turner
and Barack Obama
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all rolled into one.
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Okay, I'm going to start this
story from the beginning.
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RILEY:
Oh, man.
From the beginning?
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GRANDDAD:
Shut up.
It was the plantation
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00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:43,596
of Confederate Colonel
George Lynchwater,
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better known as Massa Colonel.
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Probably made him up too.
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Shut your ass! The slaves
were out in the fields,
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singing songs of freedom.
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Guys, what--?
What are you doing?
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You know you're not allowed
to sing that song.
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Stop it, guys, I'm serious.
Massa's on his way.
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COLONEL:
Tobias, didn't I tell you
to tell these niggers
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to stop singing that damn song?
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Stop singing? Oh, no.
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Tobias told us Massa Colonel
likes that song.
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That's a lie.
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Oh, no, Massa.
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We field niggas
is too dumb to lie.
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But, you know,
Tobias is the lighter shades,
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and he got
that sharp sense of humor.
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00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,663
Oh, no, no, Massa Colonel,
I wasn't--
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You out here telling jokes,
Tobias?
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Massa Colonel, please.
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Ahh! God, that stings!
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I-I knows you mad,
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but don't take it out
on poor Tobias.
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If you beats him,
it's like you beating all of us,
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but with considerably
less effort.
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TOBIAS:
Shut the fuck up!
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So the only nigger
I gotta beat is Tobias?
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TOBIAS:
Shut the fuck up, Percy!
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PERCY:
We don't like to see that.
That makes us work harder.
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COLONEL:
Well, shit fire
and save matches.
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Maybe I'll get to bed
early tonight.
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[TOBIAS SCREAMS]
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Please, when you hit him,
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it make us scared and make us
all just wanna stay here.
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We won't do nothings
if you keep hitting him
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'cause it's a-- An example
of what not to do.
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COLONEL:
Well, since you love
these field niggers so much,
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you can stay out here and work
with them for a few days.
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And if I hear that song again,
I'm cuttin' both your balls off.
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You guys are real
fuckin' assholes, you know that?
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Come on, man,
look on the bright side.
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You get to hang out in the field
with the real niggas.
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Ain't you sick
of the white man?
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You know what I'm sick of?
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You blaming the white man
for everything.
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The white man this,
the white man that.
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You'll never get anywhere
with that attitude.
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Man, fuck that white nigga.
That's your massa.
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All I'm saying is,
you stop being a victim,
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you might better your life
on your own.
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You ain't said nothing.
I'm gonna do that, believe it.
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As soon as Catcher Freeman rides
through here with his brigade
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and cuts that cracker's head
clean off, ugh, I'm out of here.
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You ain't never seen no nigga
be gone like I'm gonna be gone.
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You ain't seen no nigga
ride out like me.
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And I'm a-join the gang.
I got a letter saying
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I can join
Catcher Freeman's brigade
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and ride out
with that nigga.
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MAN:
Damn, you get mail, nigga?
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Ha! Ha-ha! That's your plan?
Catcher Freeman, huh?
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Why not just wait
for Santa Claus
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to take you away
on his sled?
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You don't believe
in Catcher Freeman?
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[GIBBERING]
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Of course I don't.
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I don't believe
in the Easter Bunny either.
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I'm telling you, man.
Catcher Freeman is real.
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He go round from plantation
to plantation,
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freeing all the slaves
and shit.
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00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,469
He, like, 14 feet tall,
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00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,672
got trapezius muscles
and biceps. Shit crazy.
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00:05:06,672 --> 00:05:08,741
He ain't just no normal nigga,
he's supernigga.
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00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:10,443
He like a black-ass Batman,
if you will.
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He can fly...
underwater.
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RILEY:
Heh-heh-heh.
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00:05:13,078 --> 00:05:14,547
Wait, how they know
who Batman is?
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GRANDDAD:
Stop interrupting!
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00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:17,383
Ha! That's ridiculous.
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00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:18,951
I don't even know
who Batman is.
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And what's your plan,
house nigga?
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00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,256
I bet you don't even wanna
escape, all on Massa's nuts.
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Oh, I'm gonna escape all right.
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00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:27,894
I'm gonna escape with this,
okay? With my mind.
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I've got this. It's a play,
but for the screen.
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00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:35,634
What screen, nigga?
We in the 1800's.
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00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:38,037
I thought of a way to display
moving pictures on a screen.
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00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:39,539
Of course, it's all abstract,
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00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,008
since I don't have any actual
film or cameras or anything,
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but I'm gonna show Massa Colonel
my screenplay,
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and when he reads it,
he's gonna know
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this could be
a huge production.
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Nigga, you trying to get off
the plantation
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00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:51,984
by selling a script? Ha!
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00:05:51,984 --> 00:05:54,153
Nigga, you ain't even supposed
to know how to read.
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00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,789
How you gonna sell
a script, asshole?
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00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:58,257
Plus, there's
a writer's strike.
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Oh, yeah? Me and Thelma
are gonna marry,
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00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:01,461
have kids
and live in Massa's house.
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00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,497
[BOTH LAUGHING]
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00:06:06,031 --> 00:06:07,933
Tell me what you think
about your ass, nigga.
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00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:10,035
GRANDDAD:
Thelma was
your great-great-great-
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00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:11,737
great-great-great-grandmother.
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00:06:11,737 --> 00:06:14,040
Now, Tobias was madly in love
with young Thelma.
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00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,841
Eww...
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00:06:15,841 --> 00:06:18,511
But Thelma didn't want
his old Uncle Tom ass.
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00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,447
Besides, she was about to meet
Catcher for the first time.
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00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:24,150
Young Thelma yearned
for her freedom,
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00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:27,153
so one night she decided
to make a run for it.
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00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:30,489
Oh, but that poor, little,
sweet girl didn't get far.
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00:06:30,489 --> 00:06:31,691
She ain't going nowhere.
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00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,225
We ain't gonna hurt you
too much.
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00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:35,260
MAN:
I might hurt you.
I might hurt you.
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00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:36,895
Hey, look up in the tree.
It's a bird.
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00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:40,133
Nope, it's Catcher Freeman.
Yippee! Come on.
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00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,468
Get him, get him. Watch it.
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00:06:43,468 --> 00:06:46,539
Watch behind you, Catcher.
Watch behind you. There you go.
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00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,240
RILEY:
Man, hold up, hold up.
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00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,642
This nigga jumping
out of trees?
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00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,544
Catcher Freeman was
a master swordsman.
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00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:53,346
How this nigga learn
all that ninja stuff?
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00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,547
They didn't even have
karate flicks back then.
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00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:58,284
Hush, boy!
It was love at first sight.
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00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,685
He was tall, he was handsome,
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00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:02,021
his trapezius muscles
rippled through his shirt.
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00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:05,057
All right, Granddad, dang.
You making me uncomfortable.
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00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:06,658
Catcher Freeman was
a sexy man!
200
00:07:06,658 --> 00:07:09,428
And old Thelma was smitten.
Hee!
201
00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:11,363
Hi, I'm Thelma.
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00:07:11,363 --> 00:07:13,432
My name's Catcher.
Catcher Freeman.
203
00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:16,368
You're Catcher Freeman?
The Catcher Freeman?
204
00:07:16,368 --> 00:07:17,937
You've heard of me?
205
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,371
Of course I've heard of you.
206
00:07:19,371 --> 00:07:21,407
Who has not heard
of Catcher Freeman?
207
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,741
Where are you escaping from?
208
00:07:22,741 --> 00:07:24,143
Oh, Colonel Lynchwater's.
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00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:26,011
I've been there for a while
and I kind of feel
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00:07:26,011 --> 00:07:28,414
like I got everything I can get
out of that organization.
211
00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:29,649
I can read and write,
212
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:32,784
so hopefully that'll
look good on my résumé.
213
00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:34,186
My brigade is nearby.
214
00:07:34,186 --> 00:07:35,888
We're ready to kill
Colonel Lynchwater
215
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:38,223
and free all your friends
and kinfolk.
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00:07:38,223 --> 00:07:39,792
But we'll need your help.
217
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,161
Great, that's a relief,
'cause all my friends
218
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:43,562
about to be talking bad
about me.
219
00:07:43,562 --> 00:07:45,631
Like, "Thelma done changed
since she been free.
220
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,234
She forgot where she came from,
she don't never come around."
221
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:51,470
You know.
222
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:51,470
Ah, Catcher was smitten too.
223
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:53,438
That night,
Thelma told the other slaves
224
00:07:53,438 --> 00:07:55,807
about the plan to escape
with Catcher.
225
00:07:55,807 --> 00:07:57,009
Let me get this straight.
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00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:59,178
Catcher gonna come
through here with his brigade,
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00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:00,779
cut that cracker's head
clean off,
228
00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:02,114
and then we gonna be free?
229
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:04,250
MAN: Sounds good to me.
230
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:04,250
MAN 2: Hell, yeah.
231
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,617
Hold up, wait a minute now.
232
00:08:05,617 --> 00:08:08,754
Now, I-- I know we've all
had our problems with Massa,
233
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:11,690
but, uh, this is murder.
234
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,358
PERCY:
Ah, man, shut your punk ass up.
235
00:08:13,358 --> 00:08:14,927
The night before the revolt,
236
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,930
Thelma snuck away
to see Catcher one last time.
237
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:19,698
Here, take this.
238
00:08:19,698 --> 00:08:23,002
You'll know what to do with it
when the time comes.
239
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,203
Why do you
still wear shackles?
240
00:08:25,203 --> 00:08:28,140
So I'll never forget those
who are still in bondage.
241
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,308
Even though you'll be free soon,
242
00:08:30,308 --> 00:08:32,144
you must continue
to be a soldier
243
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:35,547
until the war is won.
244
00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:37,483
[♪♪♪]
245
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,386
[RILEY SNORING]
246
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:44,223
GRANDDAD:
But, oh, Tobias was hating
with his punk ass.
247
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:45,423
Boy, wake up!
248
00:08:45,423 --> 00:08:47,125
RILEY:
Oh, is it over?
249
00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:49,828
So Tobias betrayed them
because he was jealous?
250
00:08:49,828 --> 00:08:52,664
Yes, but his betrayal
could not stop Catcher.
251
00:08:52,664 --> 00:08:54,933
RILEY:
Man, I already know
what happened next.
252
00:08:54,933 --> 00:08:56,769
First, they kick in the door,
find the gun.
253
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:59,038
Riley, stop it!
254
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:59,038
Massa gonna smack her.
255
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,140
Going too fast.
Let me build some suspense.
256
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,576
Here come Catcher
rolling up on Massa's crib.
257
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:06,145
Riley, this is the cool part.
Enjoy the story.
258
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:07,713
Wait. Let me guess.
It's a trap.
259
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:08,881
Then Catcher's gonna run in
260
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,783
at, like, a dozen dudes
as they reload,
261
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:12,484
and probably
should've been shot,
262
00:09:12,484 --> 00:09:14,787
like, a hundred times by now.
263
00:09:12,484 --> 00:09:14,787
Riley, come on, now!
264
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:17,056
Then he gonna do all that
fake-ass ninja stuff again.
265
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,325
Stop it!
266
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,325
Man, we already know
267
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,293
the nigga gonna win
at the end, just wrap it up.
268
00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:23,562
GRANDDAD:
All right, all right!
269
00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:27,332
It's over, Catcher.
Drop it, or she's dead!
270
00:09:27,332 --> 00:09:28,734
I'm gettin' outta here.
271
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,069
Kill him, Catcher.
Do it!
272
00:09:31,069 --> 00:09:33,539
[♪♪♪]
273
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:35,374
[CRUNCH]
274
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:35,374
Ahhh!
275
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:36,609
[GROWLS]
276
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:40,246
[THELMA SCREAMS]
277
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:44,450
RILEY:
Oh, the nigga blocked
the bullet with his handcuffs.
278
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:45,951
Shh. You're messing up
the ending.
279
00:09:45,951 --> 00:09:48,254
This is the best part.
You'll never see this coming.
280
00:09:53,692 --> 00:09:57,262
TOBIAS:
Massa!
281
00:09:57,262 --> 00:09:58,331
[GROWLS]
282
00:10:00,632 --> 00:10:01,567
[GRUNTS]
283
00:10:06,104 --> 00:10:08,507
GRANDDAD:
And they lived happily
ever after.
284
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:10,976
Boo! That movie sucked.
285
00:10:10,976 --> 00:10:12,244
Shut up!
286
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:13,378
I want my money back.
287
00:10:13,378 --> 00:10:15,648
Man, that ending
was hella cliché, Granddad.
288
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,149
That's exactly how it happened.
289
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,149
Prove it.
290
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:19,351
How am I gonna prove it?
Catcher lived 150 years ago.
291
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:22,221
RUCKUS:
Did I hear somebody say
something about Catcher Freeman?
292
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:23,789
The Catcher Freeman?
293
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,657
See? Ruckus know
about Catcher Freeman.
294
00:10:25,657 --> 00:10:27,359
Of course I know about
Catcher Freeman.
295
00:10:27,359 --> 00:10:29,261
Greatest black man
who ever lived.
296
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:30,729
Did he really run around
the woods
297
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:32,464
like a superhero,
killing white people?
298
00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,565
Hell, no. Catcher Freeman
299
00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,500
ain't never do
no shit like that.
300
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,337
Must have been some asshole
told you that story, boy.
301
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,239
Hey.
302
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,239
Now sit your black asses back
303
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:41,674
and let old Uncle Ruckus
304
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:44,210
tell you the real story
of Catcher Freeman.
305
00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:50,415
First of all, his name
wasn't even Catch-er Freeman,
306
00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:52,084
it was Catch-a Freeman.
307
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:54,386
He sure wasn't freeing niggas.
He was catchin' 'em.
308
00:10:54,386 --> 00:10:55,921
I told you you was lying.
309
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:56,922
That's not true!
310
00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:58,190
Sure it is,
sure it is.
311
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:01,694
See, back in slavery,
when the world made sense,
312
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,128
the white man had a problem.
313
00:11:03,128 --> 00:11:06,031
Niggas couldn't appreciate shit,
so they kept running away.
314
00:11:06,031 --> 00:11:08,700
Now, in his strategic
brilliance,
315
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,802
Mr. Charlie decided
who better to catch a nigga
316
00:11:10,802 --> 00:11:12,037
than a nigga.
317
00:11:12,037 --> 00:11:14,472
So they took a field slave
named Catcha Freeman
318
00:11:14,472 --> 00:11:17,509
and turned him into the greatest
slave hunter who ever lived.
319
00:11:17,509 --> 00:11:20,913
Catcha Freeman retrieved
over 700 pieces of human
320
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:23,215
property to their respective
owners during slavery.
321
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,717
GRANDDAD:
Damn it, Ruckus,
you gonna stop this right now.
322
00:11:25,717 --> 00:11:28,754
RILEY:
Shh! Dang, Granddad,
I'm trying to hear the story.
323
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,355
RUCKUS:
Ah, look at that nigga go.
324
00:11:30,355 --> 00:11:31,690
Hold up.
You see that nigga
325
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:34,459
flip from tree to tree
like on some old Tarzan shit?
326
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:36,361
Wait, wait, wait.
Bring that back,
327
00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:37,429
I gotta see that again.
328
00:11:37,429 --> 00:11:40,132
I'll be happy to.
329
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:41,800
Ah, look at that nigga
go again.
330
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,402
Oh, my God,
this is crazy.
331
00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:45,070
Nobody really knows
why Catcha
332
00:11:45,070 --> 00:11:46,772
was so good at tracking
runaway niggas.
333
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:50,575
Some believe
he had supernatural powers.
334
00:11:50,575 --> 00:11:53,411
MAN:
Good job, boy.
Give him a biscuit.
335
00:11:53,411 --> 00:11:56,982
One legend said Catcha could
actually talk to the dogs.
336
00:11:56,982 --> 00:11:58,450
MAN:
Good Catcha!
337
00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:00,285
[DOG BARKING]
338
00:12:00,285 --> 00:12:01,653
[GASPS]
339
00:12:01,653 --> 00:12:02,954
Whatever his secret,
340
00:12:02,954 --> 00:12:04,623
didn't matter
how fast they could run.
341
00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:06,091
He bit his leg!
342
00:12:06,091 --> 00:12:08,460
Man, this dude
is off the chain.
343
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,629
Catcha would
find 'em anywhere.
344
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:11,796
[GROWLS]
345
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:11,796
[MAN YELPS]
346
00:12:11,796 --> 00:12:12,998
Ooh, that nigga caught it.
347
00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:15,167
And I mean anywhere.
348
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,735
Look out,
look out, look out.
349
00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:21,040
Oh, ho, ho, he came up
out that water like Jason.
350
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,609
Oh, he's so gangster.
351
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,677
See, to understand the story
of Catcha Freeman,
352
00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:27,779
you gotta know a little
something about slavery.
353
00:12:27,779 --> 00:12:30,115
Now, if you think niggas
is worthless and lazy today,
354
00:12:30,115 --> 00:12:31,516
oh, Lord help me,
355
00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:34,052
you should have seen them
back in slavery days.
356
00:12:34,052 --> 00:12:37,256
Good old Massa Colonel
and plantation owners like him
357
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,324
provided darkies
all over the South
358
00:12:39,324 --> 00:12:41,259
with good jobs, food,
housing.
359
00:12:41,259 --> 00:12:43,329
I'm telling you,
slavery was the best thing
360
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:46,398
that ever could happen
to Negro-kind.
361
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,734
HUEY:
Okay, first of all,
none of that is true,
362
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:51,003
and "Don't Trust Them
New Niggas" is not a spiritual.
363
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:53,105
RUCKUS:
Hush your mouth
and learn your history.
364
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:56,975
Slaves sang that and many other
joyful songs all day.
365
00:12:56,975 --> 00:12:58,911
They danced,
did arts and crafts,
366
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:01,146
crocheted,
had water balloon fights,
367
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:03,815
everything, except for work.
368
00:13:03,815 --> 00:13:06,452
Hey, y'all. Massa's a-coming.
He's a-coming, y'all.
369
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,186
[SLAVES SINGING]
370
00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:09,355
TOBIAS:
Here he comes!
371
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,723
Look, guys, you asked me
to take you in as slaves,
372
00:13:11,723 --> 00:13:13,325
and this is how you repay me?
373
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:16,829
All you do all day
is sing and jump and eat.
374
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,530
Shit. You just stop.
All right, stop it!
375
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:20,999
Stop it.
Stop having so much fun!
376
00:13:20,999 --> 00:13:23,368
Ha-ha-ha. Hey, Massa,
won't you do me a favor
377
00:13:23,368 --> 00:13:25,670
and master these nuts
in your mouth, nigga.
378
00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:28,574
Come on, y'all,
now that's enough. I've had it.
379
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,008
Y'all gonna get a time-out.
380
00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:32,210
Everybody is in time-out
right now.
381
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:36,047
Man, you ever notice how white
people sound when they get mad?
382
00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:38,784
[STUFFY VOICE]
"I've had it. Everyone's
getting a time-out."
383
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,452
[ALL LAUGHING]
384
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,955
MAN:
They do, they do. They do
sound like that, don't they?
385
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:45,591
He sounded like that.
Ha-ha-ha.
386
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:47,759
Hey, Massa, Dienda send
a message for you.
387
00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:50,428
I don't know anyone
named Dienda. Dienda who?
388
00:13:50,428 --> 00:13:52,397
Dienda my dick, nigga.
389
00:13:52,397 --> 00:13:55,867
[ALL LAUGHING]
390
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:58,237
Now, I have put up with this
for long enough.
391
00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:04,243
I'm not gonna put up with it
anymore. Get to work now!
392
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:07,512
Now, I'm-- I'm sorry I had
to speak at you so sternly,
393
00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:09,348
but you brought it
on yourself.
394
00:14:10,282 --> 00:14:11,416
[ALL LAUGH]
395
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:14,519
Now, stop that!
Slave masters have feelings too.
396
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:17,689
I just don't understand.
I try so hard with y'all.
397
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:19,257
[COLONEL SOBBING]
398
00:14:19,257 --> 00:14:22,094
Man, I says we murder
that cracker.
399
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,595
I don't know.
400
00:14:23,595 --> 00:14:26,465
Maybe it wouldn't kill y'all
to do a little bit of work.
401
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:27,900
What's wrongs
with you, nigga?
402
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,269
We got this slavery shit hooked
up just likes we like it.
403
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:31,903
And you wants to fuck it up
with work?
404
00:14:31,903 --> 00:14:34,139
Now, looks,
before we kills Massa,
405
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:37,242
we gotta get
this nigga Catcha Freeman.
406
00:14:37,242 --> 00:14:39,545
Even if we could escape,
Catcha come get us.
407
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,247
But Catcha Freeman stronger
and faster than us, Percy.
408
00:14:42,247 --> 00:14:43,715
How's we gonna do that?
409
00:14:43,715 --> 00:14:44,749
We'll use Thelma,
410
00:14:44,749 --> 00:14:47,385
that high-yellow
mulatto jezebel hussy.
411
00:14:47,385 --> 00:14:49,788
GRANDDAD:
Hey, that's my great-
great-great-great-
412
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:53,125
great-great-great-
great-grandmother.
413
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,993
RUCKUS:
No need to get emotional,
Robert,
414
00:14:54,993 --> 00:14:57,296
I'm just reciting
the historical record.
415
00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:58,964
Anyway, the great-
great-great-
416
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,565
great-hussy in question
was Thelma.
417
00:15:00,565 --> 00:15:03,035
She was once again
showing her disrespect
418
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:06,905
for her kindly Massa
by running away.
419
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:08,439
[GROWLS]
420
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:08,439
[THELMA YELLS]
421
00:15:08,439 --> 00:15:09,641
Get your hands off me!
422
00:15:09,641 --> 00:15:11,610
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
423
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:14,879
[THELMA YELLING]
424
00:15:14,879 --> 00:15:17,783
That night, they devised
their diabolical scheme
425
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:21,319
to kill kind, old Massa.
426
00:15:21,319 --> 00:15:23,255
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
427
00:15:29,427 --> 00:15:31,563
[♪♪♪]
428
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:32,830
THELMA:
Catcha!
429
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:35,100
Come quick to the stables!
430
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,469
RILEY:
Oh, no, don't go
in there, Catcha.
431
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:40,806
[DIMWITTED VOICE]
Catcha don't see nothing.
432
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:42,374
RUCKUS:
Now, Catcha had never known
433
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,209
the pleasures
of the flesh before,
434
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:46,845
and he was no match
for the temptations of Thelma,
435
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,480
who in the darkness
of night
436
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,782
looked even less African
than she actually was.
437
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:51,984
[CATCHA GRUNTING]
438
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:53,918
THELMA:
Oh, yes, Catcha.
439
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,721
Catcha and Thelma
rolled around
440
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,556
in a hot, sweaty,
naked embrace,
441
00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,524
making passionate
jungle love.
442
00:15:59,524 --> 00:16:02,627
GRANDDAD:
Lies! All lies!
Thelma Freeman was a saint.
443
00:16:02,627 --> 00:16:04,763
Thelma was a hussy
jezebel temptress!
444
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:07,733
Now let me finish
the story.
445
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,468
As Catcha lay passed out,
446
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,769
after expending
his manly seed...
447
00:16:11,769 --> 00:16:15,674
Mm?
448
00:16:11,769 --> 00:16:15,674
[CACKLING]
449
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:16,642
CATCHA:
No!
450
00:16:17,742 --> 00:16:20,379
Thelma trick Catcha.
451
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,213
...the darkies attacked!
452
00:16:22,213 --> 00:16:23,982
Colonel Massa's men
fought bravely,
453
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,084
but they were outnumbered
and unprepared
454
00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:29,755
for the savagery
of the Negro assault.
455
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:32,658
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
456
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,259
MAN:
Fuck you, you massa!
457
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,828
Oh, you ain't
getting out of here.
458
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:40,165
I bash youse head in.
459
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:40,165
MAN 2: We gonna get you.
460
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:43,668
Only one darky, Tobias,
had the decency
461
00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:45,370
to try and stop
this madness.
462
00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:46,871
Wait a minute, y'all.
463
00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:49,140
How's we's gonna survive
without Massa?
464
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:51,409
We can't do this,
it ain't right.
465
00:16:51,409 --> 00:16:53,512
[♪♪♪]
466
00:16:51,409 --> 00:16:53,512
It ain't right.
467
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:54,846
Thank you, Tobias.
468
00:16:54,846 --> 00:16:57,949
I want you to know, you've
always been like a son to me.
469
00:16:57,949 --> 00:16:59,617
Except I would never, ever lay
470
00:16:59,617 --> 00:17:01,519
with your black
jungle-bunny mama.
471
00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:03,922
Oh, Massa.
472
00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:05,791
Kills them both.
473
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:08,093
[SLAVES GRUNTING]
474
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,794
[COLONEL SCREAMING]
475
00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:11,763
Having known no other woman,
476
00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,198
Catcha married Thelma
477
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:17,102
and lived a miserable life
as a free man in Boston.
478
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:18,570
And that, colored folks,
479
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,939
is the real story
of Catcha Freeman.
480
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:23,375
Ruckus, I should kick in
your damn jaw for telling lies.
481
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,744
You high-yellow niggas
always forgetting your place.
482
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:28,212
Get the fuck out of my house,
you fat ass, motherfucker.
483
00:17:28,212 --> 00:17:29,514
If you were in my house,
nigga,
484
00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:31,183
I'd burn it down around
your black ass.
485
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:32,718
HUEY:
Excuse me, everyone.
486
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:35,220
I think we can resolve
this quickly.
487
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:39,391
"Catcher Tobias Lynchwater,
better known as Catcher Freeman,
488
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,993
"was a house slave on Colonel
Lynchwater's plantation.
489
00:17:41,993 --> 00:17:43,795
"He was also
Colonel Lynchwater's son,
490
00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:45,663
although the colonel
never claimed him."
491
00:17:45,663 --> 00:17:47,999
GRANDDAD:
Wait? W-what? Massa's son?
492
00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:49,901
Uh-uh. No, no, no,
that can't be.
493
00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:52,905
HUEY:
He is believed to have written
the first screenplay,
494
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,473
several years
before the invention
495
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:55,873
of the motion picture industry.
496
00:17:55,873 --> 00:17:58,843
RUCKUS:
What website is that?
Madeupmonkeyshit.com?
497
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:00,478
Catcher fell in love
with Thelma,
498
00:18:00,478 --> 00:18:02,080
but Thelma wasn't looking
for love,
499
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,615
she was looking
for freedom.
500
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,084
Boy, I can't wait to tell the
white man about how you lying.
501
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:08,119
Then, on one fateful day--
502
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,355
Where you going?
You smell like black jellybeans.
503
00:18:11,355 --> 00:18:13,191
[GUNSHOT]
504
00:18:11,355 --> 00:18:13,191
[GRUNTS]
505
00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:14,626
Ah, this is bullshit.
506
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,861
She knew the time
for freedom had come.
507
00:18:16,861 --> 00:18:18,630
THELMA:
Once we're in
the weapons shed,
508
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,332
we assault the house
with everything
509
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:21,633
we can get our hands on.
510
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,268
Okay, guys, look. Look.
511
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,170
I think you're all missing
a big opportunity
512
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,171
here with my script.
513
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,472
I know most of you can't read,
514
00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:29,374
but I'd be happy
to read it to you.
515
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:31,276
Catcher, in one week,
516
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,311
we gonna kill Massa.
517
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:35,380
At least let me show it to him
before you kill him.
518
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:36,548
I worked really hard on this.
519
00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:38,883
You have one week.
520
00:18:38,883 --> 00:18:41,452
[♪♪♪]
521
00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:43,221
[LAUGHING]
522
00:18:43,221 --> 00:18:46,224
Oh, my. You know,
I-I should hang you
523
00:18:46,224 --> 00:18:47,726
for being able to read
and write.
524
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:52,030
But this is one heck of a--
Of a-- Uh...
525
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:55,634
What'd you call it? A script?
526
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,669
Yes, sir, Massa Colonel.
You got it, a script.
527
00:18:57,669 --> 00:18:59,304
First one ever made,
right here.
528
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,073
Well, if you're selling,
I am buying.
529
00:19:02,073 --> 00:19:07,145
Oh, you are gonna be
a very rich man, son.
530
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,447
Untrue!
Falsehood and untrue.
531
00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:12,350
Wait, Dad. There's something
I should tell you about Thelma.
532
00:19:12,350 --> 00:19:13,785
Having sold his script,
533
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:15,887
Catcher promptly betrayed
Thelma's rebellion.
534
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:19,124
RILEY:
Oh, man, he sold the crew out
for a script?
535
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:20,525
Yo, that's
a bitch-ass nigga.
536
00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:22,127
Oh, my goodness.
537
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:25,029
And when were they planning
such treachery?
538
00:19:25,029 --> 00:19:27,832
A week from now.
Mm-hm. Three o'clock.
539
00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:30,168
[GUNSHOT]
540
00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:30,168
[MEN YELLING]
541
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:33,905
No, you lying black bitch!
That wasn't a week.
542
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:37,242
Forward! Come on!
543
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:39,444
MAN:
Shoot 'em, shoot 'em!
544
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:40,679
Charge!
545
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,848
No, Massa, no!
546
00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:54,893
Gee, that bitch
can fight.
547
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,094
Oh, my God. Stop.
548
00:19:57,094 --> 00:19:58,730
Guys, just wait. Wait!
549
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:00,098
[GRUNTS]
550
00:20:01,499 --> 00:20:02,668
[YELLS]
551
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,975
CATCHER:
Stand still, bitch!
552
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,577
[GUNSHOT]
553
00:20:14,345 --> 00:20:16,414
Wait, wait, wait.
He meant to shoot Thelma,
554
00:20:16,414 --> 00:20:18,283
but shot Massa instead?
555
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:19,585
Now, that's an ending.
556
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:20,985
GRANDDAD:
My ending was better.
557
00:20:20,985 --> 00:20:23,488
RUCKUS:
That ain't good white history.
558
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:25,356
But...the script.
559
00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:28,660
That's colored man history
you talking.
560
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,729
HUEY:
That moment,
Catcher decided it was best
561
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,964
to just go
with the winning team.
562
00:20:32,964 --> 00:20:37,135
Uh, die, cracker, die?
563
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:40,872
Yeah. Take that, Massa. Huh?!
564
00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:44,176
Yeah. You wanna
beat up on the slaves, huh?
565
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,913
Well, take this to your ass,
motherfucker!
566
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:48,913
Oh, Catcher.
567
00:20:48,913 --> 00:20:50,682
That's how I do it, baby.
568
00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:52,050
That's how I do it.
569
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,019
And so was born the legend
of Catcher Freeman.
570
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,455
Catcher and Thelma married
and moved to Canada.
571
00:20:57,522 --> 00:21:00,224
His script was never produced.
572
00:21:00,224 --> 00:21:01,960
And they all lived,
more or less,
573
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,596
happily ever after.
574
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,630
[BOTH GRUMBLE]
575
00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:06,998
Man, that's
some old bullshit.
576
00:21:06,998 --> 00:21:08,834
Never heard such bullshit
in all my life.
577
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,836
RILEY:
Hey, hold up.
Where y'all going?
578
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:12,537
I ain't had a chance
to tell my story yet.
579
00:21:12,537 --> 00:21:14,639
My Catcher Freeman story
better than all y'alls.
580
00:21:14,639 --> 00:21:15,873
Know what I'm sayin'?
581
00:21:15,873 --> 00:21:17,742
See, my Catcher Freeman
wasn't no slave.
582
00:21:17,742 --> 00:21:20,811
'Cause he was like, "Fuck that
shit. I'm a real nigga."
583
00:21:20,811 --> 00:21:23,281
Plus, he had like 300 ho's.
He ain't had just no Thelma.
584
00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:25,683
He had all kinds of bitches,
and he drove a Bentley Coupe
585
00:21:25,683 --> 00:21:26,951
with 24's on it
586
00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:29,121
with machine guns
in the rims, nigga, what?
587
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:34,026
♪ Take our black asses
Out of here ♪
588
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:38,830
♪ Won't you take
Our black asses out of here? ♪
589
00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:41,733
♪ Won't you come save us
Catcher? ♪
590
00:21:41,733 --> 00:21:43,801
♪ And kill all these crackers ♪
591
00:21:43,801 --> 00:21:46,838
♪ Lord, take our black asses
Out of here ♪
592
00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:49,041
♪ Sing this motherfucker
Now ♪
593
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:51,409
♪ Won't you take
Our black asses out of here? ♪
594
00:21:51,409 --> 00:21:53,178
♪ Massa, girl
You a bitch, nigga ♪
595
00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:57,449
♪ Won't you take
Our black asses out of here? ♪
44841
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