All language subtitles for Superstore s05e17_English

- Because when we reach out
to others,

we reach in to our hearts.

Today, let's show the world

how much Zephra cares.

- I'm not doing
any of that stuff.

- We have to build houses?

- I'm not comfortable
around tools or kids.

- Pass.
- Okay, guys, relax.

You don't have to do
any of the things

you just saw in the video.

All you have to do today

is hand out
these nifty care packages

to the Holloway House
Women's Shelter

and ask our customers
to round up

to the nearest dollar
for charity.

Easy.
- Wow.

Cloud 9 never did
any of this stuff,

but I feel like Zephra cares.

- Well, let's not just blindly
believe the T-shirts.

Although Zephra
is a fine company

which I am not criticizing
today

as was made clear to me
in the car.

But guys,
Amy set this whole thing up.

- Please.

- I mean,
she chose the charity,

she got local businesses
to donate goods.

- So this stuff is donated?
Zephra didn't even pay for it?

- It's a PR stunt.

- Okay, I'm confused.

Is Zephra good or bad?

- Glenn, come on.
It's not that easy.

- They did give us
that Lyft discount though.

Today I got to ride
in a Kia Soul.

Guys, believe the hype.

- Well, I read Zephra
does blood diamonds.

- What do you mean by "does?"

- Uh, I don't know.
I didn't click on it.

- I did hear that Zephra
gives a lot of money

to struggling communities.

- We all heard that, Justine.

They said it, like,
12 times in the video.

- "Those communities
might not be struggling

if Zephra paid taxes."

It's a text from Jonah.

- Butt text.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Buses from the shelter
will be arriving all day,

so Glenn, you're gonna be
running care packages

from the warehouse,

or doing that waddle thing
you do, whatever works.

- Female hips, so...

- Garrett, you're only
giving packages

to people with wristbands.

- Wait, so we're just gonna
turn people away

'cause they don't have
a wristband?

- So for all
intensive purposes,

people in need without
a wristband are dead to us.

- "Intensive purposes?"

Did you mean
"intents and purposes?"

- I mean, you could say it
both ways.

- [laughs]

You can, but one way
makes you sound like an idiot.

You're lucky you're pretty.

- All right, you know what?
I know what it--

you're lucky I'm pretty!

- You went way above
and beyond.

Most stores are just writing
"fight breast cancer" on a jar

and sticking it at checkout.

- Yeah, I mean, breast cancer
is so first thought.

For a good reason.

You know, one in eight.
Affects us all.

- Anyway, I want Zephra
to know you're kicking ass,

so I got them to send someone

to do a profile of you
for the website.

- A profile?
Of me?

Um, okay.
Wow.

Well, I've never been profiled
before.

I mean, except racially.

- This could be really good
for you, so sell yourself.

We'll talk after, okay?
Bye.

- Bye.

- This is great!

I mean, we hate it.
Why do we hate it?

- No, no, it's--
it's fine, it's fine.

It's just--I don't know,

I don't know how to brag
about myself,

it feels gross, and now
I'm supposed to take a charity

and make it all about me.

- Hey, you took
their empty slogan

and did something
actually great with it.

You deserve to brag
a little bit.

I think you should be
on all the websites.

I mean,
except for the incel ones.

And most of Reddit.

4chan, 8chan...

I hope you're never
on a website.

- Oh, hey, Glenn.

Just a heads up,
you might be getting a call

from my landlady.

- Oh, fun!

Oh, wait, is everything okay?

- Oh, yeah.

It's just 'cause
you cosigned the lease,

and Bo and I were late
on the rent last month.

And this month.

She's crazy.

She's got, like,
a total boner for rent.

- Cheyenne, if you're having
money problems,

I'm more than happy to help.

- Oh, thanks, but no,
we'll figure it out.

It's just, you know,
groceries and kid expenses

and then you get caught up
in a pyramid scheme

and then your husband
breaks his tailbone

at backyard wrestling.

- Oh.

- Anyway, I'm gonna go see
if Robot Glenn

sucked up any change.

- Big breakfast.

- All right, it checks out.

You'd be surprised
how many people pose

as corporate reps
at charity events

just to try to get free stuff.

- Really?
How do they pull that off?

- I'm not gonna tell you that.
- Oh.

- Sorry.

She's been a little extra
since she saw "Richard Jewell."

- Ah.

- Anyway, thank you for
coming and talking to me.

- Hey, always happy to show off

one of the leaders
in our new Cloud 9 family.

This is a really cool event
you've put together.

- Well thank you,

but I couldn't have done this
without my team.

I mean, most of the credit
goes to them.

And I also share
some of that credit.

- Hey, hey!

- Jeff?
What are you doing here?

- Thought I'd surprise you,
check in on the event

from the Cloud 9 side
of things.

- Oh, wow.
You survived the acquisition?

Not that I thought
that they were gonna fire you.

I mean, obviously
they value your...

Jeff, this is Isabel.
She works at Zephra.

- Oh, oh, the parent company!

Oh, maybe I should
call you Mommy.

I'm gay, so that's not weird.

- Oh good, 'cause for a second
I almost thought it was.

No, I'm from Digital Content.

We're doing a profile on Amy
for the website.

- Oh, very cool, very cool.

Listen, I'm gonna run inside
and say hi to Mateo.

We've been playing phone tag

and he's been it
for, like, the whole time.

Everything looks shipshape.
Okay.

- Great.
Glad you approve.

I was 100% sure
he'd been fired.

- He didn't get fired?
- I know, it's insane.

- Ooh, I didn't know
we carried aged balsamic.

Nice.
- Oh, yeah, it's great.

I make a reduction

and I drizzle it
over vanilla ice cream.

- Ah, that sounds amazing!

Are you, like,
a culinary student, or--

- Oh.
[laughs]

Haven't been a student
of anything

for a couple decades.

- Ah, you could've fooled me.

[both laugh]

- [laughs]

Your total is $36.48.

Would you like to round up
to $37 today

for Holloway House
Women's Shelter?

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- Thank you so much.

It's for a great cause.

All right.
Thank you.

- You have five minutes
to tell Amy, or I will.

- Tell Amy what?

- How you were flirting
with that lady.

Turning each other's cranks.

I thought you two were gonna
do it right here on the belt.

- Oh, come on, Sandra.
I was just being friendly.

Customers appreciate a little,
you know, human connection.

- Ugh.
Close your legs, Jonah.

- My legs are fine,

and if anything,

we should be a little
friendlier than usual today

to get people to round up
for charity.

- Not if it means betraying
the woman you love.

Trust me, I'm married now.

Don't you dream about someday
having what Jerry and I have?

- Of course--well,
exactly what you and Jerry--

it's fine, Sandra.

Hi.
How's it going?

Hope you didn't have
any trouble

finding those toe warmers.

- He's gonna die alone.
[scanner beeps]

- Look, Mateo, when I put
my career on the line for you,

it was because
it was the right thing to do.

You don't owe me anything.

Although brunch
wouldn't kill you.

- Look, Jeff,
it's not gonna happen.

I'm actually seeing someone.

- Oh.
Oh, yeah?

Mateo, that's amazing!

- Thank you.
That's very nice of you.

- I'm very happy for you.

How'd you guys meet, or I mean,
have you met yet

or is it maybe, like,
an online thing?

- Actually, Amy introduced us.

He's her brother.

- Oh, Amy did?

That's so nice of her.

Hey, folks.

How's that digital coming?

- Good, yeah.

We're getting
some good digital.

Actually, Amy's just showing me
around a little

before the buses come
so I can get a sense

of what she's like
as a manager.

- Ooh. Feels like I should
get in on that action.

- Does it?

- Yeah, actually,
it would be really helpful

to get some quotes
from corporate.

- Yeah, sure.

That--that would be great.

- Nice.
We'll make it a three-way.

Again, totally gay.

.

- ♪ Think of your fellow man

♪ Lend him a helping hand

♪ Put a little love in

- And this is the break room.

Um... oh, I--

I noticed that there was always
a really long line

at the toaster,
so I bought another one.

[both laugh]

Which, you know,
I think people appreciated.

- I think you got your headline
there, "Manager buys toaster."

- That's helpful, Jeff.
Thank you.

Oh, and also,
I know how hard it is

to eat healthy
during long shifts,

so I keep this cabinet full
of healthy snacks for everyone.

- Oof, that cabinet
is pretty full.

Seems like people would rather
die than eat that stuff.

- Well, I just replenished it.

- Yeah, and thank you

for the healthy seaweed snack,
SpongeBob.

Just messing with you,
SpongeBob.

- Sorry, I'm--I'm SpongeBob?
Is--

- All right,
there's a scarf in here.

Now be careful.
That's a loose knit,

so avoid all hooks
and low-hanging branches.

It'll pop your head clean off.

- Huh.
That's weird.

It looks like
we're one package short.

- One package?

Wow, that's news to me.

Short, you said.
Huh.

- You must've counted wrong.

- No, I counted right.

I double-checked
and everything.

- It's fine.

I'll just count 'em again
myself.

- Okay, so now you're saying
I don't know how to count?

- Well, no offense, Garrett,

but you did say
"intensive purposes,"

which, apparently,
is kind of dumb.

- I'm not dumb!

I'm one of the smartest people
in the store.

- Well, that's a bit
of a stretch.

- It's true.
It's kind of my thing.

People are always like,

"Garrett, he's clever
and funny."

- Okay, then be clever
and funny.

- Well--no, not--
it's not appropriate right now

when we're missing a package.

- I'll set you up for it, okay?

A Polish guy and a blonde
walk into a bar.

- What?
- Come on, man.

I put you on the one yard line.

- Your total is $3.89.

Would you like to round up
for charity?

- Not today, thanks.

- Hey, Sandra, aren't these
your favorite kind of chips?

- Yes.
I love these chips.

- Oh.
Cool.

- Uh-huh.

You're a lucky man.

And these are some lucky chips

'cause they get to take a ride

in that hot little mouth
of yours.

Nope.

Oh, my God.
I have to call Jerry.

Jerry?

Jonah made me seduce a man.

- Would you say you have
a unique management style?

- Yeah.
Yeah, I would say that.

- Could you actually say it
just so I can quote you?

- Everything's pulling teeth
with this one.

It's like, what are you,
a dentist?

I mean, come on--
- Jeff!

Enough.

Listen, I am a working mother,

and I came up from the floor,

but it was worth it

because as a manager, I know
what my people need from me,

so it might seem silly,

but small things
like healthy snacks

actually make a difference.

- Yikes, Amy.
Brag much?

- Hey, Jeff, why don't you
give us a minute?

Maybe go grab a coffee
or literally anything?

- I'm not clear
whether I report to you or not,

so I am gonna grab that coffee.

- Wait, what's this doing
in here?

- Oh.
Wow.

Oh, there's a note.
Looks like there's a note.

Why don't you look at the note?
Wonder what that note says.

Why don't you read the note?

- "Cheyenne,
thought you could use this.

From your guardian angel."

Aww.

Whoa, there's a lot of stuff
in here.

Gift certificates,
grocery coupons,

and an e-reader?

Nice, I could sell this
to some nerd and make bank.

- Wow, you're so lucky.

- Yes.
Lucky ducky, quack quack.

- What, don't you think
it's nice

that someone helped out
Cheyenne?

- Oh, yeah,
but where's my guardian angel?

I've got two kids
and an underwater mortgage.

- And my heat broke,
so I have to stay with friends.

I have lots of offers,

but if anyone wants to throw
their hat into the ring.

- Wow, looks like lots of folks
are having a rough time, huh?

- Yeah, but it figures

only Cheyenne
would get a care package.

I bet this guardian angel
is just some sort of pervert.

- What?
No!

- I mean, unless you mean
a pervert for giving.

- I mean a pervert
for pervin'.

- Guys, I'm sure
the guardian angel

is gonna give everyone
a care package.

Otherwise, it's just unfair.

[upbeat music]

- Ah, I was probably 25

when I finally heard
of dryer sheets.

Before that, it was just like
wrinkles, shminkles, you know.

Let's hit the club.
[both laugh]

- You know who else
likes dryer sheets?

Jonah's girlfriend.
Which he has.

Your total is $26.17.

- Oh, I'll round up
for charity.

- No.
No rounding up.

Not like this.

- Are you--

sorry, thank you so much.

Sandra, you have to stop.

I know you and Jerry don't,
like, talk to a lot of people,

but this is just
meaningless banter.

- 'Scuse me. 'Scuse me.
Hi. Jonah.

- Oh, hey, yeah.
You were here before.

- Yeah, Judy, yeah.
Culinary student.

[both laugh]
- Yeah, right.

- Yeah, I don't usually
do this,

and maybe I'm crazy,
but I feel like we had a...

connection.

- Ah.

- And I just--
I'm just wondering,

would you like to have coffee
sometime?

- You know what?

I did enjoy our--
our friendly conversation.

- Mm-hmm.
- So why not?

- Oh, good.
[both laugh]

- And Eddie in bakery
does this drag show,

so I usually just give him
our extra packing material

for hip and boob pads.

- [laughs]
I love that.

- Yeah, I mean, you know,

it's just like
this event today.

All you have to do
is show you care.

I really think
that's a big reason

why I've been able to earn
my employees' respect.

- Rodriguez.
Over here.

Now.

- She calls me--
I've never known--

it's not racist, I don't think.

'Scuse me.

[whispering]
I've told you

not to call me that
in front of people.

- How's the interview going?

- Honestly, really great,

and I know that sounds braggy,

but bragging is really working
for me right now.

I think I've won her over.

- Oh, that is awesome.

That means it probably won't
even matter

when this whole thing
goes to [bleep].

- What?
- We're short on care packages.

There won't be enough
once the next bus arrives.

I probably should've led
with that,

but you just kept talking
and talking

about how great you're doing.

Anyway, guess these needy women
are gonna stay needy.

.

- How is this possible?

I made sure
that there were enough

for everybody coming.

- Stealing from the poor?
Ugh.

There's a special place
in hell.

- Yeah, or maybe, like,
the worst part of heaven.

- This is a Class C felony.

20 care packages valued at,
what, 500 bucks a pop?

- 10,000.
That's the total.

- I mean, who would even--

wait.

Could this be Jeff?

I don't know why,
but he has been trying

to tear me down all day today.

- Okay, don't be mad,

but I think it's because
I told him

that you set me up
with your brother.

- Mateo.
Why would you even--

- I said don't be mad!

- Okay, fine, just--

go stall Isabel
and we'll go talk to Jeff.

I can't believe he would stoop
this low.

- I mean, love makes you do
crazy things.

- You're enjoying this,
aren't you?

- I'm trying not to!

- Jeff, what the hell?

- You've got a lot of gall.

In fact, if I measured
your gall level,

you would break
the gall level device.

- It's called revenge, Amy.
I did what I had to do.

- What, you did--you did?
Are you sure?

- How is stealing packages
from poor people

"what you had to do?"

- What?
No, I didn't take any packages.

I just--I farted
in your office.

- Ew.
What?

- But if somebody is taking
packages from a charity,

that's a horrible person.

- Yeah, I mean,

unless they're doing something

equally charitable
with the packages,

but, you know, that would be
really hard to know.

- Well, the next bus is gonna
get here in 20 minutes.

What am I gonna give
these women?

- Why don't we just give them
some cash?

I'm happy to contribute.
I've got--

- Glenn, don't worry about it.

I'll go figure out how to not
send them away empty-handed.

- If you ever fart

in my best friend's office
again,

it will be the last fart
you ever fart.

- I got you this.

This is a map
of the night stars

over St. Louis where we met.

- That's--ah, wow,
that is so...

useful to anyone in St. Louis,
really.

- I just--I just--

oh, you just make me feel
so electric

since you started
flirting with me.

- I mean, that is just--

[both laugh]

No, no, no, no.

Sorry.
I'm so sorry, Judy.

I just--this--I think
there was a misunderstanding.

- Oh.
- I was only being friendly.

I was definitely not flirting.

I guess I felt
that that was understood

because we're--obviously!

I mean, not obvious,
'cause you know,

you're gorgeous really,
for your cohort.

- He was just doing it
for charity.

So you'd round up.

- Oh, oh--oh, you did this--

you did this to me
for 57 cents?

Oh, I feel so stupid.
- No.

- Oh, my God,
is this what catfishing is?

- [laughs nervously]
No, no, no, no, it's not.

- Catfishing is--
- No, not the time.

- What?
- Tell you later.

[indistinct chatter]
- Sorry for the wait, ladies.

Here you go.
Zephra cares.

You can wait till you're on
the bus to open those.

- There's just tape

and some loose grapes in here.

- Oh!
Ooh.

You got the antioxidant
package.

- Yes.

Grapes are so important
for the skin,

and skin is so important
for the face.

- Mm-hmm.

- Then how come I didn't get
any grapes?

- Well, all of the packages
are different because--

because the female experience
is not a monolith,

am I right, gals?

I mean, we don't all
eat grapes.

Right?

- This hairbrush
is clearly used.

- Did you go through my desk?

.

- You haul us down here just
to give us a bunch of junk?

What is this,
some kind of a joke?

- No, I promise you, this is--

- You think you can treat us
like crap

just because you have
a nice job and a nice coat.

- Ladies, it's not like that.

That coat is from Ross.

- I found the thief.

It was Cheyenne.
She took the care packages.

- I'm telling you, somebody
just put this in my locker.

I haven't stolen anything
in, like, a really long time.

- Okay, I'm sure that there's
an explanation for this.

My employees are not criminals.

Well, actually,
some of them are,

but everyone deserves
a second chance.

This is not the point, Amy.

- It wasn't Cheyenne!

And I know that
because I have a hunch.

I have a very good hunch.

- Wait, it was Glenn.

He's lying right now
because he stole the stuff.

[laughs]
Not so dumb now.

I figured it out.
[laughs]

It was obvious to everyone,
huh?

- Yes.
- Pretty obvious.

- So obvious.
- Yeah, we all got that.

- Yeah.
- Fine!

I gave them to the staff.

- Why?
Glenn, what were you thinking?

- Our people are struggling,
Amy.

- Okay, you know what?

Just--you're gonna have to get
the packages back.

- Oh.

- Well, you almost pulled off
a Robin Hood,

except you gave to the poor

by stealing
from the really poor.

- He's picturing the fox
Robin Hood.

- I'm picturing the man one.

- Your total is $23.87.

Would you like to round up
for charity?

- Sure.
What's 13 cents, right?

- I'd rather not comment
on your finances.

- Jerry.

You didn't have to come.
I told you to forget about it.

- I did,
but then I remembered again.

- Hey, Jerry.

- Sandra told me

you tried to make her do stuff
with men for money.

- What--oh, oh.
Earlier today?

No, that was--
that was just talking.

- Let me make myself
perfectly clear.

I don't like that.

- Jerry, please calm down.

I've never seen him this angry.

- If you ever mess
with my marriage again,

I will hate it.

- Got it.
Understood.

- Sandra, could you bring home
some magazines?

Bye, Jonah.

- Bye, Jer.

Take notes, Jonah.

That's marriage material.

And yes, he reads magazines.

- So probably doesn't look
great for the profile

that we were robbing
the homeless, huh?

- I mean, robbing the homeless

is probably not exactly
how I'll frame it,

but, you know,
it's kind of a nice story.

Coworkers helping each other.

One big Zephra family.

Cheyenne, could you come
over here for a second?

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- I would actually love to get
just, like, a quick shot

of Amy handing you
one of the care packages,

you know, just, like,
helping an employee in need.

- Oh, I'm not in need.

If you wanna talk
to a sad person,

you should go find Justine.

- Yeah, we probably
don't need a photo.

- It'll just take one second.
Great.

- Oh, wait,
so that's gonna end up online,

like, with my face on it
and stuff?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, I think maybe
you don't wanna post those

'cause of, like, optics, right?

I mean, it could come off

that Zephra employees
get paid so little

that they rely on charity to--

- Oh, I don't really think
anyone's connecting those dots.

Plus you guys look so awesome,
right?

Cute.

- She took so many photos
today.

That one probably won't even
get posted.

- It will, Amy.
I'm gorgeous.

[scoffs]

Sucks.