Original subtitles

[Kotaki Kyoudai to Shikuhakku] Ripped & Synced by AlvinNo

And then, in front of the bride's parents, Jiro came up with a lie

that had more holes than Swiss cheese.

I had to patch things up left and right.

I can totally see that.

And in the end, the bride gave me the bouquet.

She said this to me:

"In order for you to get what you want."

That's the end. No punchline.

I'm sorry, I... I must be boring you.

That's not it.

I was just thinking. What do I want?

You?

I'm doing my best at work and at home,

but these days I feel spent.

What about you? What is it that you want?

Translation: HPriest @ d-addicts Twitter: @hpriestsubs

3, KOUFUJUKU

I kept on fixing his ridiculous lies.

And then he got so drunk

that he even started dancing.

What a mess, I tell you. I was beaten.

Beaten my ass. You rotten piece of a brother.

I can't believe I have this guy as my brother.

Did you have a fight?

We didn't. No fight whatsoever.

I'd love for him to get out of my place asap, though.

I disinherited him eight years ago.

What did you do, Jiro-san?

Don't know. Don't remember.

Get back to Yuka-san already!

Huh? Yuka-san? Yuka-san?

How shameless.

Sacchan is Sacchan-san and my wife Yuka is Yuka-san?

That's... Not weird at all.

I give both the same honorific. Isn't that fair?

Sacchan is fine.

Without the honorific.

Okay then... Sacch...

So every woman is fair game now!?

Regardless of marital status or age!?

I'm disappointed.

I know you're unpopular, but I thought you were better than that!

What's gotten into you?

And what do you mean, I'm unpopular?

I'm outta here.

What makes you think I'm unpopular?

- Please wait!

He'll be here very soon.

- He? - Yes, a client.

He's meeting you two at 3 pm.

- Are you talking about my student days?

Shut up!

It's true that I wasn't that popular during my student days, but...

Excuse me! May I talk?

Murata-san was here during lunchtime.

Thank you for waiting. It's your retort-pouch curry.

The brothers will come today, right?

Yes, probably.

I actually would like them to look after a puzzled young man.

- Ah, as rental oyaji? - Yes.

I have to meet other clients after this.

Murata-san. You're quite popular.

Not at all. There just aren't enough old dudes in this area.

Thus, he wants you two to act on his behalf.

On behalf of a popular old man.

He thinks of us as his gofers, huh?

Why don't you register as rental oyaji?

You only have to pay an annual registration fee

and can keep pretty much all of the rental fee, it seems.

The clients cover traveling expenses, food and drink, and so on.

You can refuse unreasonable requests

and it's possible to cite your terms beforehand.

- What do you say? - Why are you encouraging us?

Don't you think it's intriguing? And since both of you are jobless.

Apologies.

Well, you're not wrong.

- I'm on a break. - Right. You're on a break.

- Same difference. We're jobless brothers. - You're eternally jobless.

I happened to work at a prep school just before this.

Just before this? Excuse me?

Two years ago is just before?

Two years?

You haven't been working for that long?

According to Google, Kotaki Ichiro was fired two years ago and...

I wasn't fired.

My contract just didn't get extended.

The online reputation of English lecturerer Kotaki Ichiro is the worst.

Gloomy, self-important, not funny, it says.

Of course I'm not funny.

A prep school is a place for studying.

It's no place to make you laugh.

All of his jokes landed with a thud. Kotaki is a big thud, it says.

Don't believe the Internet. It's all a conspiracy by Google.

It's the same result on Yahoo!

Yahoo is my enemy, too?

Welcome!

Sakai-san, I assume?

Yes.

Those two are the rental brothers.

It will make me super happy if I get three afternoon customers.

It will?

It will make you happy?

Yes.

Hello. I'm the older brother.

This is my younger brother.

Greet him!

My apologies. Just ignore him.

I'm Sakai.

Murata-san told me a pair of brothers would be more economical.

Economical?

Usually it's 1,000 Yen per hour for one person,

but if it's brothers, it's 1,000 Yen for two.

- We a package deal now? - Be quiet!

- You need a consultation, right? - Yes.

- Does he have no friends? - Don't be rude!

It's not that I don't have friends, but a stranger would be...

Besides, wouldn't it be better to get two different opinions from two people?

It is economical!

Don't you have to work?

I'll bring you some water.

The advice I need, it's...

I'm a man of experience.

I got through multiple difficult moments in life and here I stand.

You can ask me anything.

It's about a girl.

Love consultation?

Yes.

No good?

Not at all. Not at all.

It's all good. All good.

Anyway, sit.

Right.

I see.

Love... Love consultation, huh?

Nice!

It's a girl from the same seminar at college and I like her quite a bit.

Nice. Wonderful.

- Did you go on a date? - Not yet.

Ah, I see.

How will you get her to date you, huh?

That's a very important question.

You see, I also... Sakai-kun?

Yes.

I went through the same thing at your age.

"I want to date the girl I like."

It took me more than one year to get her to date me.

That's why, no matter how long it takes, you must not give up and...

We've already decided on a date.

It's this weekend.

We've known each other for two months.

That so? Wow. Congrats!

Way to go!

It's the first date what I'm worried about.

Ah, I see.

The first one is crucial.

You take her to a superfine place and...

Well, it doesn't have to be too snobbish, though.

And I guess, people these days, they...

A place where you can be yourself...

That's good? Or bad?

Where did you go?

That first date that took you more than one year.

You must have been thrilled.

Where did you have your date? For reference.

- Do you know? - I don't.

Yoshi...

Yoshi...

Yoshi?

Yoshinoya. The gyudon chain.

Yoshinoya?

Why Yoshinoya of all places for your first date?

For gyudon, it had to be Yoshinoya back in the day.

And I'm asking. Why gyudon of all things?

That's none of your business!

- I'm curious. - Me too!

Everyone here is curious.

You see, during the bubble, of all the places...

The Japan Bubble was already over during my college days!

Wait? Your first ever date was in college?

Why not? There's no need to rush those things.

Sakai-kun, too. He's a college student.

He's just about to have his first ever date too, right?

It's not my first date, though.

It's not? ...I see.

- Why gyudon on your first date? - That's the important question!

Why gyudon?

Well, you see. I did have a proper reservation.

At a trendy establishment.

At the waterfront, a French restaurant.

Oh! Shibaura! Giroppon! [ Two districts in Minato-ku; Giroppon is jargon for Roppongi ]

I chose a new suit, waited at the station.

Miki-chan came.

Miki-chan is here!

She said the following.

I know!

"How about gyudon instead of a snobbish place?"

- What a great girl. - You think so?

If you can eat good food, why not go there?

That's not what she said.

She told me:

"Kotaki-kun, you see..."

"I have a boyfriend."

"You see, I have a boyfriend."

On your first date?

How's that even possible?

How would I know? I had no idea.

That's why we had gyudon.

On our way to the restaurant, it was right there.

I went straight into Yoshinoya.

But that means... It wasn't a date?

Look, from her point of view,

it was a simple meal appointment with a male friend

and you're probably the only one who thought it was a date?

Sakai-kun. What did you want to know again?

About what we should do on our first date.

- Ah, your first date. Right.

A full course French or gyudon dinner.

- Bro! Your should avoid full courses. - It's a date!

That was a date!

Mine is a proper date, though.

Why stress the mine part? Why are you...?

Proper?

"Let's go on a date." I was approached by her.

I replied, "Sure. Let's do that."

- How sweet! - Youth, chirp-chirp.

But the question is, where do we go?

Just take her wherever you want.

She proposed two options.

Here we go. Two options.

A or B.

"You can pick," she said.

Okay, let's settle this. Option A is!

- An aquarium. - I wanna go there!

Option B!

If you listen closely.

[ literal title of the anime "Whisper of the Heart" ]

It's a movie.

Watching the anime "Whisper of the Heart" together on DVD.

But I live alone and my place is really small.

- B! Your place. - Definitely the aquarium.

- It's gotta be his place! - It's too early for that.

A or B presentation time. Ready, start!

So, it's a date.

A date is a social gathering in order to shorten the distance between two people.

First, you meet to get to know each other.

Repeat that a number of times.

And eventually, you have a date at your or her place.

So, starting at your place.

Starting at zero distance. You think that would be okay?

The two of you behind closed doors. With no shortened distance.

Starting at zero distance... That's reckless!

That would be the same as a frontal collision.

Time's up.

Man, one minute is too short.

I was only halfway done.

I got your point. Collisions are scary.

Yes. Collisions without a license are dangerous.

A license?

By piling up dates, you're teaching each other.

They serve as training.

That's deep.

After five dates, you get a sticker for being newly licensed.

Five dates?

Next up, Jiro-san.

A or B presentation time. Ready, start!

Rather than watching fish,

I'd want to make out with her at my place.

That's all.

- You have 53 seconds left. - I've got nothing else to say.

Those were some persuasive seven seconds.

- You want to make out with her, right? - A little bit.

That's not right.

Why would you even get that idea?

They're watching Whisper of the Heart.

How would that lead to them making out?

It's possible, isn't it?

And I'm telling, it's impossible.

Nothing is impossible!

- Just go with the flow. - The flow?

Yes.

It happens, right? Given the right atmosphere.

And what if he misreads the atmosphere?

He can just ask her!

"Can I hold your hand?" "Can I hug you?"

"Can I kiss you?"

You... This is Whisper of the Heart!

That bittersweet love story about a girl in junior high school who meets a boy.

How could you even make out during that?

They could just do it after the movie.

You fool. Don't you know how the movie ends?

In the very last scene of that movie, he...

This is going to be a spoiler, so you better cover your ears.

- I already saw it once. - I don't mind spoilers.

In the last scene, he proposes to her!

"Please marry me."

Takahashi Issei before his voice break!

Coming from a Takahashi Issei in junior high school!

- While playing the violin. - He did?

Good luck making out after such a movie!

We're talking marriage! They're getting married.

You could just as well propose to her!

Do you have the resolve, Sakai?

Resolve?

Slow down now.

Making out while watching a movie at his place.

Since when does that equal a proposal?

True.

We were just on the same wavelength, weren't we?

I got caught in the moment.

You both are way too chirpy and over-concerned.

Making out or not, there's no reason not to go to his place.

His girlfriend already said so herself.

She's not my girlfriend yet.

I don't know her name, though.

It's Tada-san.

Tada-chan said so herself!

Of course she's your girlfriend. You're going on a date.

I mean, that's why it's called a date after all.

When you promise to go on a date, the two of you are already...

Bro! You better stop.

About what?

Excuse me. Tada-san and I...

Since we're not together yet, we're going on a date.

From your point of view...

When you're having a meal with a woman and it's just the two of you...

How would you categorize that?

Having a meal with the opposite sex...

That's already...

That kind of relationship...

Or rather, it's about to...

In the future...

It will develop into that kind of relationship.

In the future?

In the old days, having a meal with the opposite sex...

Please! A simple meal...

Listen. What you're saying about relationships.

It's complete and utter bullshit!

Women go for meals.

They also drink beer.

Everyone does.

That gyudon woman wasn't a date.

When you're drinking with a woman, it's beer and not a date.

It's just beer!

Beer?

Beer is higher on the list than gyudon, though.

It's alcohol! Alcohol with the opposite sex.

That term, opposite sex. It's gross!

- That's why you're not popular! - I'm not unpopular!

- You are! I know you are! - I'm not not unpopular!

Do I have to be popular?

Exactly! Do I have to be popular?

Don't side with him!

He's just making things worse. He's such a pain!

A pain?

I'm the one who's a pain?

Being unpopular or being gross. That's...

You of all people have no right to say that.

Huh? Come again?

- You're the one causing pain. - When did I ever cause you pain!?

You're doing it right now.

KOTAKI BROTHERS!! Be quiet.

Is it that important to be popular?

Does it make you a better person?

Nonchalantly calling another person gross and other things...

The mental shock of being called gross...

The self-torture... The continous self-loathing...

Feeling worthless...

It's strange. The term unpopular.

It's not like you're alone only because you have no partner.

But in your case, you have Tada-san, right?

I refuse.

I refuse both options. I won't go on a date with her.

I'll proof it.

You can become just as happy without a woman in your life.

I'll be living proof!

Hold on.

Why would you do that?

I get it, but don't be rash.

You get him!?

That's because...

Because if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't be able to bring across

the merits of having no girlfriend.

- Exactly!

Across to whom!?

Guys like you who think being popular is everything!

Popular or unpopular. Cool or uncool.

There's this trend of deciding someone's worth by their number of relationships!

And we're going to object against that trend!

Exactly!

What's so bad about being single and jobless?

I'm unpopular, because there's no chance to meet new people. It's not my fault.

- Didn't you say that you're not unpopular? - I said I'm not not unpopular.

You're mean towards your older brother.

- He's right. What's your problem? - That's because you...

I've heard enough of your warped views.

Excuse me!

May I?

Sakai-kun.

This is no place to make life decisions.

Don't listen to these people.

We have the self-proclaimed unpopular Ichiro-san.

He's currently on a "temporary break"

and has nothing better to do than to come here every single day.

And here we have the self-proclaimed popular Jiro-san.

He's got a wife and a child,

but he's about to be divorced, got driven out of their flat,

and is an eternal jobless person freeloading at the Kotaki home.

Do you understand?

Popular or not, life isn't going well for either of them.

You said you won't have the date,

but what about Tada-san's feelings?

Wouldn't that hurt her?

You were happy when she asked you out, right?

You came here, because you don't want to be disliked by her, right?

The aquarium or your place. Whatever you choose...

What's important is that you spend a fun time together, right?

Your change of 300 Yen.

Thank you for your patronage.

In high school, I was told by the first girl I ever dated.

"You're gross," she wrote via LINE after the date.

Maybe I was too quick to close the distance?

Or maybe I was too nervous and couldn't speak properly?

I figured I must be gross in a way and I don't want this date to...

You'll be fine.

You're not gross at all.

Good luck.

I can't be cheating on her.

- Thank you very much. - Sure.

You have a woman at the moment?

Not at the moment.

Did you ever?

Probably not.

Of course I had girlfriends. One, two, three of them.

Three?

Three.

Excluding the women you only had meals with.

Two.

There was one.

A person I properly got to know and hang out with.

She was a fan of Takahashi Issei.

I didn't get dumped!

It was a mutual agreement.

Have you made a move on my wife?

How long have you been seeing here?

Why are you seeing her?

Ask her yourself.

It should come from her.

Here, your rental fee. 1,000 Yen for one hour, split in half.

One measly coin.

Don't say that. You can buy a momoyaki with that.

Momoyaki? [ grilled chicken thigh ]

At Saga-ya. On the bone.

After 7 pm, it's 500 Yen per piece.

What are we talking about?

That must be the yakitori place over there.

A yakitori place?

My precious Saga momoyaki that I bought and put aside for later.

Didn't you eat it without asking?

When?

The very last day we saw each other.

- Is that the reason for the disinheritance? - That's right.

I always bought one on my payday.

The one thing I looked forward to every month.

And he ate it.

What's with the you're-so-petty eyes?

Those that's-why-you're-unpopular eyes.

I'm not thinking that.

I can see it in your eyes.

Those eyes.

We met so I can repay him.

I borrowed money from your brother.

I'm paying him back monthly.

I told you I was going to enable Rikka to study abroad.

And that life is difficult.

It's difficult, but we'll manage somehow.

That's exactly what you said.

You always do.

"We'll manage somehow."

"Everything will be fine."

But it's always me who has to manage.

I should have married someone like your brother.

No messages

Damn it...

Maybe I shouldn't write temporary break.

Occupation: from "temporary break" to "former lecturer at a major prep school"

Twitter search: "Kotaki Ichiro, Lecturer"

Kotaki the Thud (lol), you mean Kotaki Ichiro? In the summer, his old person smell and sweat get mixed. It's torture! > Yeah, that prep school lecturer. All of his jokes landed with a thud.

"gloomy" "self-important" "not funny"

English lecturer Kotaki Ichiro is super gross!!!!

A job! I want a job!

KOUFUJUKU

The pain of having no companion.