All language subtitles for Jonathan.Agassi.Saved.My.Life.2018.ENG

t.me/@Abolix
What else do you have to say to
your fans at Queer Porn Nation?

Thank you for being my fans, I'm happy
to satisfy you in any chance that I can.

As you know I love sex,
I love shooting porn,

I wish myself to do it
for many many years

so you will have the best
jerk off ever.

Hello.
-Hello.

We are building a fantasy.
That's the idea, it's not a show.

It's a porn movie on stage.

There is no audience,
there is no crowd.

It's like a theatre
and there is a fourth wall.

And the fantasy is about
men at work in a car garage.

Straight people, dumb people,
a little bit Neanderthal.

We do a lunch break.

You have your wife
bringing you a sandwich.

The minute he takes
the booklet out

you try to: "I'm not really straight,
are you straight?"

Take the dildo out...
"Oh, I'm not straight."

From that moment,
free to do what you want.

I like big butts
and I cannot lie.

This is a silicon based
for the show.

You still live in Barcelona?
-Yes.

You still do porn?
-No.

Last year my sister had cancer.
I couldn't do anything.

She's okay now?
-Myself?

No. Your sister...
-She died in February. -I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's like changes you,
changes your mind.

With anything.
With anything you do.

With lovers, with films
with anything...

it's like...
-When...?

February.

Are you ready?
-Yeah.

Let's go.

I want you pretty much
to be like this.

Sweetheart?
-Mama?

Sweetie, I'm so glad to see you.

We haven't talked since you left.

I want you to meet Christo.

Hello.
-That's Christo. –Hi.

Only good things
I heard about you.

I've heard very good
things about you too.

How is your health?
Are you feeling better?

Much better now,
thank you.

Fantastic.

He's so cute.
-I know.

Oh, look, look.
I got these pants...

Oh my.

Wow, like Batman.
-That's exactly what I said.

Now check this out.

I'd rather you buy yourself a nice coat.

I know, Mama.

One day I will buy
myself a big-big coat.

Here's the deal...

I’m consulting everyone
about Raviv.

About what?
-Dad.

Oh Raviv.
-Yeah.

I didn't answer his call.
-If it feels unnecessary, then don't.

What do I need it for?

The question is
if you want to see him.

It’s totally up to you.

You don't owe him a thing.
-Right.

Where is it?

My father and I don't talk
because he was never there for me,

he was never a father
to me and my brother.

He abandoned us
after I was born.

When I was 11 and we came to Germany,
I remember he said...

Why did he say it?
Something happened and he said:

"You're acting like a homo."

I remember I called my mum,

because I was so hurt.
I was 11 years old.

Are you alright?

Johny?

Yonatan?

Yonatan?

Johny?

It's not the first time
that we see that.

The second that he feels
stressed he sinks to himself.

He doesn't feel strong enough
to face whatever he must.

I know that the thing
with his dad...

like, really upsets him,
the whole thing...

and he barely talks about it.

Originally my last name is "Langer''.
Yonatan Langer.

"Langer" didn't do it for me.

Agassi,
That's the name.

Once I posted -
"Jonathan Agassi saved my life."

He's a character

that takes over me
whenever I need help.

And he's always on my side.

Hey everybody, Facebook,
how are you?

I'm Jonathan Agassi, I'm all
prepared for the HustlaBall.

Good luck to me, yeah.
Jonathan Agassi rocks.

My mum posted "When You Are a King"
on my wall. Bless her heart.

Time for HustlaBall.

Whatever will be,
will be.

Relax.

I can't relax.
How can I relax?

I'm one hour and a half late.

Is the awards here?

The awards show.

Did it start? -Yeah.
-They started?

Jonathan Agassi is
here by the way,

I just got here, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was late.

"Lucas Entertainment."

"The best American porn performer."

Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

"Mum, I'm the best actor
in the world of porn!"

Are you waiting to pick something up?
-Yes.

Here you go.

Thank you very much.

Yonatan, this time it's perfect.
-I'm sure.

I got a bunch of my movies.

Let me see.

These are all your movies?
-No, of course not.

What did you get?
-Mezuzahs (doorpost parchment).

I got mezuzahs, how nice.

Mezuzahs and porn.

To each his religion.
-Exactly.

That's awesome.

Yonatan! It's really you.

I'm in suspense.

Now we go upstairs to fuck, so...
-Oh, okay.

It's not for you.
-Up to here it was so good, Yonatan.

Real cool.

Oh no...

I save everything on my computer,

even my very first audition.

So, Jonathan...

What's your last name?
Jonathan Agassi?

Jonathan Agassi.
-So tell me all about yourself.

Well, I'm 24 years old.
-I live in Tel Aviv.

You live at home?

Yeah, with my mum,
and my dad lives in Berlin.

Why does he live in Berlin?
-He likes it.

They divorced?
-Yeah, since...

Alright, so what was your
first sexual experience?

When I was 14, in my 14th birthday.
-So what happened?

He told me, "Close your eyes
and think it's a woman,"

so I closed my eyes
and imagined it was him.

I think since then,
that's what I like.

And what do you like in bed?
-I like good, hard sex.

Hard? -Yeah.
-Okay. -Not gentle...

Don't you want me to be gentle
with you in your first film?

A little bit gentle.
-A little gentle.

Yeah.
-Let's try to be a little gentle.

Jonathan understood how to work
for the camera very quickly.

There is a big difference
between having sex in your personal life

and how to have it for the camera.

You have to separate the body
from your partner enough

to let the camera in, and this
is something what he got within no time.

Good evening and welcome to IBA News
coming to you from Jerusalem.

Just a short distance from Jerusalem,
amidst the ruins of the Arab village of Suba,

another scene from the American film
directed by Michael Lucas.

One of Michael's discoveries in Israel
is actor and model Jonathan Agassi,

who soon became a recognised and
admired star in the international

adult entertainment industry.

Jonathan became the star of an
incredibly successful production.

Maybe the most successful production
in gay porn history.

It got reviews
even in mainstream press.

Los Angeles Times
written about that,

so that was a fantastic
startup for his career.

Hey guys, I'm Jonathan Agassi
and I'm about to have my first

photoshoot here in Milan,
and you have to see that.

Look how many clothes and shoes.

Within 4-5 months there would be
no gay man that watches porn

that would not know this face.

He would be in
every gay magazine.

He was incredibly popular.

Anyway, you know I'm starting
my shoots on Saturday

and I'm shooting 4 movies.
Not 3, not 2, not 1 - 4.

Jonathan was one of those rare
performers that you'd right away

feel how much he loves sex,
how much he wants his partner,

it wasn't fake,
it was just so natural.

He was bringing new elements of
performance to every scene.

He would never be doing
the same routine.

That is why people wanted to
see him again and again.

Come and sit down,
no expectations - no let downs

Imagine me as only you can

Be what I need, don't let me rest
I'll keep you in suspense until you go mad

All that's left
of the power that's over

I'll save for tomorrow,
for another great day

Yonatan!
-What?

Oh my God.

I have to get used to it,
it's kind of drastic.

It's beautiful, it's beautiful...

It's beautiful, it's amazing,
but it's weird.

It doesn't look good?

You're usually more impressed.

Seeing you in stockings is weird.

Lior.

Lior will be shocked.

Lior!
-What?

Wow.

What do you think?
-It's...revealing.

Yeah, it's revealing,
but does it look good?

What if I grow out my hair...?

Hi, Shahaf.

How are you?
-Fine.

You're in Israel, Yonatan. -So?
-Is that how you're going out?

You can't go out like that.
-Why? -You're not in Berlin.

Shahaf, does it look nice?

It's nice, but I can't
see you like this, sorry.

I love you, you're my brother, but...

We were close as kids.
-Very close.

When he came out at an early age,
I lost him.

Maybe he lost you.
-No, I lost him.

Don't you remember Yonatan saying:
"This guy called me a homo"

The guy took out a knife.
What are you talking about?

Fights in school, swearing.

I know someone suffered,
but what could we do?

Tell Yonatan not to come out
because everyone's getting hurt?

You only care about yourself.
-I can’t get close to you.

I have to deal with everyone's problems,
not just yours.

All three of you.

Yonatan had to deal with his new world...

Where he's finally free and happy
and he doesn't give a damn.

Put it on.

You go on stage and you realise
you are in a war, only men,

you miss your wife,

you are horny,
you see men around you.

All of my friends from out of Israel
always see on television - army, war...

and for them,

they think Israelis are always in
the army, always macho, always butch.

Okay? It's a fantasy.

David and I are in the center?
-Yes, of course.

Try to look like in the military.
-They don't know what is the military.

Two people, go in front.

That's shocking.
Oh, Yonatan, really...

Should I put it this way?
-Yes.

I hope the heel won't break, Yonatan.

Mom, you have to do me a favour.

I have to send the postcards,
I forgot.

Jonathan Agassi, superstar.

You're making your fans real happy.

We're so lucky that Michael
shoots in exotic places.

Last time it was Ibiza and now this.
It's a dream...

Maybe whenever I'm filming
I'll bring you 3 days before.

God, he's so hot.

And he's horny,
I can tell.

I can't describe what we went
through during his childhood.

I got a call from school one day

to tell me that Yonatan
is standing on the window sill,

and kids are shouting,
"Jump, jump!"

It was on the second floor.

They said: "Go through the
window and shit on the tables."

"Shit on the tables!"

That's when I said to my mum,
"No, I don't want this."

I swear, I'm tearing up.

They understand that
I'm going to the extreme...

not because I want to,
because I want to run away.

I want to jump out the window?

A 10 year old kid
breaks his arm.

You'd expect his classmates
to come visit...

They threw shit at me
because I'm feminine.

And it's like,
I'm always the one to blame.

I'm this, I'm that...
And it's not true.

That's anguish.
That's anguish.

I got the script 4 days ago.

"Listen, there's a change in plans."

My role is very minor,
I have 2 scenes in this movie.

One scene is with the star of the movie
who took my place,

I'm okay with that.

My second scene is with
two "bodybuilders," all shaved.

When you touch them you feel
like you're in a field of thorns.

I don't shave my body,
it's not a matter of fashion,

it's because I'm not attracted
to men who shave their chests.

If I'm not attracted, I can't function
my dick won’t get hard.

What am I, a machine?
Do I have batteries on my back?

I can't have sex with those two.

I can't.

Michael, my boss, said that if I
don't like something I can tell him.

Maybe it's a challenge to do a porn scene
with people you're not attracted to?

I can't.

I can't.

I'm afraid people will say,
"Jonathan Agassi didn't rock it this time."

We are very specific
about what we want

Jonathan would violate our rules
and regulations all the time.

More and more and more.

He believed that in order to
compete with other models

he needs to start doing steroids,

he needs to get these huge arms,

he needs to get a beard.

With every production,
more tattoos, more piercings.

The more I'm asking him to keep the hair,
the shorter he will cut it,

until one time he showed up
with platinum blond hair

and we sent him home.

Here, this is for you.
-Thanks.

It's exactly what I wanted.
-Great.

Sweetheart.

Oh! Now I can see you.

You're going to stay
Wednesday-Thursday?

When's your flight?

I have to buy a ticket to London.

Why London?

I have some work there.

Nothing interesting, unless...

What?

Look what you did.
-What?

Maybe you shouldn't have...

I didn't know it's a secret,
I thought she knew.

I've been talking about "clients"
for two years. What am I, a lawyer?

I thought you understood.

How was I supposed to understand?

It's not a secret.
I talk about it openly.

I always say...
-I don't remember.

I thought you're performing
in all these places.

When it's a performance
I say I'm performing.

I thought the company you work for
arranges all these trips.

No way.
Only when I'm making films.

The company I work for
is a film company,

only films.

I started out with porn.
I only became an escort a year later.

Right, Mum?

I'm not a prostitute, I'm an escort.
-What's the difference?

It's not prostitution,
I don't stand on the street.

This is what I say,
I can't create fantasies for people

without giving them
the opportunity to fulfill them.

They treat me with nothing but respect,

and they all know Mum.
By name...

They all know how amazing she is.

Sometimes I enjoy it
even more than the porn...

I'm going to meet a client.

He's going on a business trip
so he's taking me with him.

It's not prostitution,
it's Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman."

Show me...
It's nice.

Amazing. -It fits?
-Perfectly.

You're so beautiful.

What do you say? -It's nice.
-You like it? -Yes.

Thank you.
-Bye.

Are you pleased?
-Yes, totally.

I’m leaving for 2 months.
I’ll keep sending money.

It's not your responsibility
to support us. -But it is.

You don't make ends meet

and I'll go out and buy
another pair of shoes?

Okay, I'll splurge...
You think I can do that?

I'm your man.

You're my man,
but you're also my child.

I consider you my child first,
not my man.

The first time I escorted
was in Israel.

I wouldn't let him do what he did
if he didn't pay me.

He thought he could buy me.
And he did.

"Do this, get another $300."

I came home at 10am

with $4,000, fuckin' wasted,

depressed, crying.

I put the $4,000 here.
Then Mum got back from work

and I said,
"I did something all night long,

"I'm so sad,
I'll never be a prostitute."

I remember taking out
all that money

and Mum looked at it and asked,
"How much do you have there?!"

"Weigh it against
how it made you feel.

"Is it worth it?"

Take care of yourself, promise me.
Don't do anything stupid. -Okay.

Patty.
-Yeah?

6th floor, baby.
-6th? Okay.

Haven't they gotten bigger?
-You got bigger...

I'm a Kardashian now,
I told you.

Totally... -A Kardashian ass.
-Big ass.

It is big. -I've got big boobs.
-Big boobs.

So, I don't care that
there is a camera...

Do you wanna sniff something?
-Sure, what is it? -Coke.

I also got a lot of T...

I just started today.
-Tina? -Yeah, you want?

Girl, no. -No? I don't do it.
-I told you it's bad.

Yeah...

So now you're here, where are you staying?
-Bernard's apartment.

You're not staying with your dad?
-No.

What's going on there?

With my father? I don't know.

We didn't talk for a long time.

Very, very long time.

Fathers is shit.

That's why I only deal with my mum.

Mums are the best.

Yeah. -Sometimes.
-Unless they are evil.

I don't care about daddies, unless...
it's my kind of daddy.

I could have been you.

When I was 15
I was sure I want to be a woman.

I wanted to be one of the gang.

I never fit in.
Not in high school, not anywhere.

I love filming most of all,
more than the sex and the money.

I like filming
and watching what I do.

It turns me on that I can play a game,
that it's not just the fucking.

If someone fucked me and treated me
like that, I'd be over the moon.

So are you more masculine or feminine?
-That's not the point.

That's how everyone's mind works.

If you're a bottom,
then you're feminine.

I don't care about that.

I can turn over with
the utmost confidence,

without losing my macho
for a second

and say: "Yeah, fuck my pussy."

"Get me pregnant,
make me your bitch."

So do straight men want you
to be a woman?

No, straight men
don't want me to be a woman,

if they did, I'd tell them to
get the fuck out.

It may help a straight guy
who is dying to fuck a man,

but his ego won't let him,

so when he sees a guy dressed like this,
something unwinds in his brain.

They wouldn't go for a man
if they wanted a woman.

What's the point of that?

The only thing I care about now
is what I should upload on Facebook...

First I need to call Mum.

Sweetie?
-Just a second, Mum.

One second.

I forgot something.

I can see you in the mirror.
– Oh shit.

You look so good!

I didn't put black eyeliner.

You're so handsome.
Turn around.

Oh, it's...
-It's the yellow lace.

Nice, right?

Remember these 100 Euro gloves
that I spilled Coke on?

Well, here they are.

Wonderful.

You look like those women
in the movies,

with the garters and stockings.

Are you going to wear something warm?

Yes, I'm taking my coat.

Okay.

Good luck, darling!
–I love you!

You are my star.

Taxi.

Taxi.

Taxi, you free now?
Hello. You free?

Five minutes I come down.
Five minutes.

We're all set.
I got drugs.

Keys, cigarettes, chewing gum.

G.

I got this.

I come, I come.

We're coming down!

I'm so nervous,
my stomach is turning.

I haven't thought about
what I should say if I win.

Thank you so much everybody for...

It's the audience that votes.

Thank you very much for choosing me
as the best actor of the year.

I just wanted everybody to know
that this is my pride and joy

and the best thing
that ever happened to my life,

so I'm proud and happy to be
the best of it in your eyes.

I'm very excited,
getting this award second time in a row.

Hopefully we'll be here
for many years to come.

Thank you very much.
Shalom, bye bye.

Perfect, isn't it?

Thank you, bye bye.

I should turn the power on,
this way it works. Plug it in.

Nominee number one,
Lucio Saints for The Alpha Male Dream Team.

Best Actor nominee number two,
Kevin Warhol from Belami - Kinky Angels.

Best Actor nominee number 3,
Jonathan Agassi from Lucas Entertainment.

And the winner is...

For The Alpha Male Dream Team,
Lucio Saints, best actor.

Dream Team - Alpha Male.

Now I want you to say 3 times:
"Jonathan Agassi is the best."

Jonathan Agassi is the best.

Jonathan Agassi is the best.

Jonathan Agassi is the best.

Hi Johnny, it's Dad.
I heard you're in Berlin. Call me. Bye.

Are you telling me that the fact
that your father abandoned you

didn't hurt you? – No.

I couldn't care less.

Ask my mum,
I always said my dad is dead.

Ask her!
"My dad is dead."

My grandparents,
Raviv's parents,

they used to send videos
of us to my father.

They'd tell Shahaf and me,

"Look in the camera,
Dad is inside."

"Look, Dad is in the camera."

"Dad is inside,
Dad is here."

We never got any film back from him.

My dad was always a red dot
in the camera.

You know what?
You want memories? You want drama?

It all came back to me.

It’s Shahaf’s Bar-Mitzvah
(13th birthday).

He gets a ticket
from Raviv’s mother.

Yonatan wants to go to Germany too.

I was really hurt by Raviv
because he called me "Homo."

What kind of father does that?
-Does what?

Gets women for his son to fuck.
That’s why he called me a homo.

He wanted me to fuck her
and I couldn’t.

She kissed me on the mouth.
I’ll show you a picture of her.

Where did this happen?
-In Frankfurt. -In a brothel?

No, she was my dad’s girlfriend.

My dad orchestrated the whole thing
for me to fuck her.

Don’t forget that I was 12.

Were you mad at him?

All I cared about was going home
with a thong from Germany.

It's not ready yet.

It's a hard drug.

This is "Ms. Tina."
This is "Tina."

It gets you mile-high,
gives you loads of energy.

It awakens you.
It's not a trip like you get on Ecstasy.

It makes you very sexual.

Oh, I have to inject myself.

This injection makes your dick
stone hard for 4 hours.

Rock solid.

And afterwards it's really painful.

Would you fuck yourself?
– Absolutely not!

I've never been...

I don't like all those pretty boys.

You have to draw the needle,
you treat the needle like any other injection.

Here, here, here, here and here,
just not straight up the middle.

And when you inject
does it burn or does it sting?

Well, some people do it fast,
some people do it slow.

I do it really slow,
so I don't have a sting.

Okay, you are the next one
on the main stage, I bring you there.

Can you make sure
that nobody comes here, please?

First group...

This gift, this career,
is the best thing that ever happened to me.

After all the bad,
this is the best thing that happened to me.

I’m going to hold on to it forever.

Michael Lucas has been begging me
to do bareback for over a year.

Bareback films are shot
without a condom.

You're our presenter, our exclusive,
you need to do bareback.

On the day of filming
I had a client,

so I arrived on set an hour late,
a little high on G.

The first actor, 21 cm long cock,
it practically reached my heart.

I got ripped to pieces.

It hurt, I fell off the couch,
I did everything for that scene,

for the first time in my life
I couldn't cum on set.

My ass hurt, I couldn't cum.

First time in my life
that I had to fake an orgasm.

You use some kind of cream
that looks like cum

and you fake it.

A month passes,
I'm supposed to get paid.

They didn't pay me for the scene.

Because I didn't cum.
They payed me $1,000.

"You couldn't ejaculate."

Hello.

For what time?

When is it possible for you?

I'm just on the streets,
I can barely hear you because of the fireworks.

I'll get to my apartment in 10 minutes
and I'll give you a call.

I think it's possible,
definitely possible.

Okay, perfect.
See you, bye.

I've got work.

I'm so tired.

How many are you, by the way?
-Two.

Oh, that's even double the pleasure.

I have a huge dick.
-I really love huge dicks,

I'm definitely coming,
but it'll take me an hour or something like that.

Alright.

I'm so exhausted.
I don't know how I'm going to do this.

I really don’t want to let people down.

When someone goes to bed
with Jonathan Agassi they want a god.

If not,
they'll be let down.

"He's not that good,
that Jonathan Agassi."

When I feel close to someone
I feel free not to take Viagra or to function.

But how do I know if they're not with
me just because I’m Jonathan Agassi?

I don’t need a boyfriend.

People pay to sleep with me,
so I can make them hug me too.

He should be here at around 19:30...
I think.

He called me.

Hey Johnny, it's Dad, are we on for today?
Remind me what your address is. Bye.

You got anything to drink?

What do you want?
-Water, not from the tap.

Do you have a boyfriend?
-No.

Me neither.
-A girlfriend?

You have a girlfriend?
-Two.

Three, actually.
But one doesn't know she's my girlfriend.

Why, did you think I changed?
I haven't changed. -Me either.

You always liked to screw.
Just screw.

I learned from my son.
Or my son learned from me.

If I could I'd make money from it too,
but instead I make kids.

You make kids.

Listen, we can talk about
sex non-stop.

Okay, let's stop talking about sex
and start talking about women.

About one woman.
-Who?

A woman I know well.
-Oh, your mother? –Yes!

Oh, your mother.

Mum was the most beautiful woman
in the city, right?

I saw her and said, what is that?
I'll never get a woman like that.

She was so beautiful.

So I asked her,
when do we get married?

She said, "Wednesday."

We got married,
we didn't get out of bed for 3 weeks.

If it was such a great love,
why did it end?

I don't know.

You have no remorse?
-I've got plenty.

But what's done is done.
-You could have done it differently.

What could I have done differently?

I think that while I was in Berlin...

I wanted to have
a father again.

Yonatan, you’re my son,
you’ll always be my son and I love you.

I believe...

Love has to be shown.
"I won’t see you all my life, but I love you?"

"Accept the fact
that I take no responsibility for you."

I take no responsibility for anything!

That’s me,
I don’t take responsibility for myself.

You never forget Zoe...

Zoe is a different story.

We’ll get to that.
-She's a child.

We were children too.

You’re a big boy.
-But I used to be a child too.

You used to be,
but I was different back then.

In all honesty,
Shahaf is the only child that was planned.

We wanted to leave Israel
and move to the US,

we didn't get a visa,
we moved to Canada.

After only 4 months in Canada
your mom says she's pregnant.

Now you're telling me?

She wanted a girl,
she was sure it's a girl

and that's the only reason
we kept the pregnancy.

In the end it was a boy
and for her it was a shock.

She had postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression
or just depressed because it was a boy?

She was shocked it was a boy, not a girl.

She was devastated.

You were always alone.

You were in your crib...

I mean, you were always clean
and well fed,

but you never got the hugs
and attention a baby needs.

How long did her depression last
after I was born?

Until she returned to Israel.

That’s why she left.
Do you understand?

And if I was a girl?
Would everything be different?

I’m not trying to blame anyone...
but your mother’s depression...

So you are blaming someone.

That was a big part
of what came between us.

I became cold, distant.
That’s how I dealt with it.

I simply shut my heart.

Cutie, how are you?

Listen, it was really nice.

Raviv said good things about you.
-Really?

He said how beautiful you were
and what a great love you had.

In the end I asked him,
what if I was born a girl?

He was like this,
"I don't know."

What do you mean,
if you were born a girl?

We talked a lot about your breakup.

He said that you really wanted a girl

and that's why things
got messy between you.

Can't you hear me?

What does me wanting a girl
have to do with the mess between us?

At one point I asked him who's to blame?
He said, "Your mum's depression."

I was depressed because I had a boy?
Oh please...

I was depressed because I was neglected
in some dump in New York.

I suffered every day and cried all day
and I had no one to talk to.

The man came home
just to snore all night on the couch.

That's why I was depressed.

I wanted to return to Israel
and I was ashamed

to ask my parents for more money,

because he spent it all
on his crappy business affairs.

He used to say:
"So you won't eat,

"as long as the kids have food."

So my depression didn't come from
having a son and not a daughter.

What do you think?
-That he's a son of a bitch.

What is it, sweetie?
-He made such a fool out of me.

Why?

Because I'm so naïve,
I bought his story.

What?
-Because I bought his story.

Yonatan...

What did you say?
-Nothing, nothing.

I was calm before and now I'm angry.

Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.

Sick!

Depressed!

Going through a bad period.

Hello.
-Hey, it's Jonathan, did you call me?

Yes, I did.
-Yeah, hi.

Hi, I saw your ad on Gay Romeo.
-Okay.

And you are in Prenzlauer Berg?
-I'm in Prenzlauer Berg, yeah.

Did you bring any leather by any chance?
-Did I bring what?

Did you bring any leather?
-Leather, yeah, I have some leather.

Where are you from?
-From Israel, Tel Aviv.

Ah, you're from Israel. Okay.
-You like them Israelis.

You're just visiting?
-Yeah, something like that.

What you looking for?

If you have a dick size XL...
-Yeah, a bit more than XL.

Can you just send me a picture?

Yeah, if you can just send me
a message on Gay Romeo...

Let's wait for an answer.

I don't feel like sex,
I don't feel like work or friends,

I don't feel like anything.

How are you?
-Fine.

I had a terrible day.

A dreadful night
and a dreadful day.

It's so traumatic.

It's unbelievable
how much it still hurts.

It's like he lives…

At night I felt like his big fat
shadow was crushing me.

I tossed and turned all night.

I woke up feeling beaten.

It really insulted me.

What he said
really insulted me.

He twisted the truth
and insulted me.

You know what I've been
through, the depressions...

And you never walked away.

It didn't make
me walk away.

I'm sorry I caused all of this.

I'm sorry I agreed to
it in the first place.

It's not you who caused it,

it's his lies that caused it.

It's not you.

I don't doubt you at all.

You're the best mum in the world.
-I don’t need praise.

I know I'm not the world's best mum,
because if I were...

Then what?

Not everything is...

glitter and gold.

I see mothers who
are much better than me.

For me you're the best,
you know that.

I couldn't have asked for more.

I love you, Mum.
-I love you too.

I've been waiting out here,
you're 30 minutes late.

What can I say, I have a life too.

You know?

How are you, Zoe?

Okay, listen.

This is from Mum.
She wrote you a letter.

That's it.

I'll see you sometime.

I hope so.

I hope so.

I love you, Zoe.

Love you.

Bye.

Yonatan? Yonatan?
Yonatan?

Yonatan?

I'll get you some water.
Get up, everything is okay.

I did so much drugs
in the past two days.

Yonatan, Yonatan.
-What?

Talk to me, Yonatan.

Yonatan, are you breathing?

I'm exhausted, Mum.

I have no energy at all.

Nothing worked out for me there.

And you're not there.

It's okay.

I'm having... a rough time.

Rough, sad, weak...

I can't really sleep.

My sex drive is gone.

I can't perform sexually.

It seems I am all the things
I say I'm not.

I got addicted to a certain drug.

Thinking I'm muscular,
working out,

eating and sleeping sometimes,
having sex, being horny,

it all seemed real,
but it came from an unreal place.

I was on drugs the whole time.

I've been thinking
of posting a Facebook status,

"I can see the end of Jonathan Agassi."

Someone told me
I'm the Marilyn Monroe of this world.

I hope it will end that way for me,
everyone will see me as a legend.