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1
00:00:00,022 --> 00:00:04,024
¶ Let's go, oh, ooh The way that you pop, girl ¶
2
00:00:04,026 --> 00:00:06,493
¶ Makes me go cray ¶
3
00:00:06,495 --> 00:00:09,429
¶ Show me whatcha got, girl ¶
4
00:00:09,431 --> 00:00:13,666
¶ You could be my new thang Ooh, the way that you move ¶
5
00:00:13,668 --> 00:00:16,469
¶ Makes me go cray ¶
6
00:00:16,471 --> 00:00:20,073
¶ Pick it up, now drop, girl ¶ You could be my new thang ¶
7
00:00:20,075 --> 00:00:24,144
-[man 1] Yeah, look,
it's a party!
[man 2] Happy Halloween!
8
00:00:24,146 --> 00:00:27,280
Yeah, dude, you want some beers?
Here, here you go, man!
9
00:00:27,282 --> 00:00:29,182
-Here you go, what's up?
-Douglas, Douglas!
10
00:00:29,184 --> 00:00:32,652
Douglas, we can't do that,
those beers are for customers.
11
00:00:32,654 --> 00:00:34,821
Someone paid for that,
and it, it wasn't you.
12
00:00:34,823 --> 00:00:36,790
-So customers--
-Listen up, brace face.
13
00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:39,826
-You get in
the Halloween spirit, all right?
-[screams]
14
00:00:39,828 --> 00:00:41,761
¶ Heard it's your birthday ¶
15
00:00:41,763 --> 00:00:43,797
¶ Grab a drink if you thirsty ¶
16
00:00:43,799 --> 00:00:46,499
-Man, whoa.
-Yeah, bro, sick costumes.
17
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:48,802
Man, those costumes are sick.
18
00:00:49,304 --> 00:00:51,304
These aren't costumes,
we're here delivering groce--
19
00:00:51,306 --> 00:00:53,406
Um, yes, yes, of course
they're costumes.
20
00:00:53,408 --> 00:00:55,275
My son, here, he's only 16.
21
00:00:55,277 --> 00:00:57,811
He gets really into
character. [chuckling]
22
00:00:57,813 --> 00:00:59,746
That's your son.
23
00:00:59,748 --> 00:01:01,247
Yeah, I can see it.
24
00:01:01,616 --> 00:01:03,583
Well, they have the same visors.
25
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:08,254
But what, what are you bringing
your son to a party for, bro?
26
00:01:09,157 --> 00:01:12,258
That's not even cool, man,
you got to be responsible.
27
00:01:12,260 --> 00:01:14,661
You got to be
a responsible dad, man.
28
00:01:15,530 --> 00:01:18,364
Look, I know you're feeling
a lot, a lot of pressure
29
00:01:18,366 --> 00:01:20,266
to be a cool dad and everything,
30
00:01:20,268 --> 00:01:22,802
but you're not hurting
anybody but him.
31
00:01:22,804 --> 00:01:24,571
Yeah.
32
00:01:24,573 --> 00:01:28,441
Well, well, well, you see,
my, my son, um, well--
33
00:01:28,443 --> 00:01:31,444
Oh, well, you know what I do
with my son? I leave him
the fuck at home.
34
00:01:31,446 --> 00:01:34,314
Yeah, be a parent, not a friend.
35
00:01:35,817 --> 00:01:37,750
All right, guys, I'm just
gonna level with you, okay?
36
00:01:37,752 --> 00:01:40,787
I, I shaved my nuts
to be here tonight,
37
00:01:40,789 --> 00:01:43,690
so, please just, just let us in.
38
00:01:43,692 --> 00:01:46,693
-Dude, that's too much
information, bro.
-Way too much. Did you bring--
39
00:01:46,695 --> 00:01:50,130
Please just let us in the party,
I'll do anything.
40
00:01:53,668 --> 00:01:55,468
-Just give us the beer, bro.
-Yeah.
41
00:01:55,470 --> 00:01:57,203
-I can come in?
-We got to keep partying!
42
00:01:57,205 --> 00:01:59,639
-Come on!
-[Douglas] Yeah, come on,
get in, get in!
43
00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:03,476
¶ Let's play casino ¶
44
00:02:03,478 --> 00:02:05,745
¶ Bring four friends Plus you, bingo ¶
45
00:02:05,747 --> 00:02:07,480
¶ Ain't nothing but a flirt ¶
46
00:02:07,482 --> 00:02:09,582
You know, this whole slutty
Halloween costume thing
47
00:02:09,584 --> 00:02:11,284
is really getting out of hand.
48
00:02:11,286 --> 00:02:12,585
Uh, well, it's my party,
49
00:02:12,587 --> 00:02:14,454
so you're going to have
to deal with it,
50
00:02:14,456 --> 00:02:17,490
'cause Mama bear likes sipping
on her porridge,
51
00:02:17,492 --> 00:02:18,391
"Ma-ma-ma-ma-mam."
52
00:02:21,463 --> 00:02:24,531
Oh, hold up. Come on, man,
what's that costume?
53
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,500
-I'm... good looking.
-What's your costume?
54
00:02:27,502 --> 00:02:29,335
I'm really, really hot.
55
00:02:29,838 --> 00:02:31,404
And I'm getting laid.
56
00:02:32,274 --> 00:02:35,241
This guy's going as a guy
who just wants to get laid.
57
00:02:35,243 --> 00:02:37,210
He looks like he would get laid.
58
00:02:38,213 --> 00:02:41,181
-Jesus!
-What, what time
did you get here?
59
00:02:41,183 --> 00:02:43,716
Oh, I just got here
a few minutes ago. [laughing]
60
00:02:43,718 --> 00:02:46,553
-'Cause I had to get ready.
-That's funny,
'cause you're only wearing
61
00:02:46,555 --> 00:02:47,854
a shirt and a hat.
62
00:02:48,890 --> 00:02:50,356
[scoffing]
63
00:02:50,358 --> 00:02:51,691
I'm, I'm a cop.
64
00:02:53,662 --> 00:02:54,661
I know, it's a joke.
65
00:02:57,499 --> 00:03:00,366
Ah. [laughing]
66
00:03:01,770 --> 00:03:04,737
Oh, my God, you're so cute.
67
00:03:04,739 --> 00:03:06,239
-Thank you.
-Tell me I'm pretty.
68
00:03:06,241 --> 00:03:08,374
-You're beautiful.
-Oh, my God, thank you.
69
00:03:08,376 --> 00:03:10,710
That's so nice of you to say.
70
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,545
-Hey, well, you know,
you told me to, so--
-[cackling]
71
00:03:12,547 --> 00:03:15,248
I did not. [laughing]
I'm going to arrest you.
72
00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,984
And your Grandma. [laughing]
73
00:03:17,986 --> 00:03:19,919
-[oven dings]
-Oh, my God, my Halloween
cookies are ready.
74
00:03:19,921 --> 00:03:21,487
Here, hold that.
75
00:03:21,489 --> 00:03:22,855
Oh, these are going
to be so good.
76
00:03:22,857 --> 00:03:24,691
I'm so excited.
77
00:03:24,693 --> 00:03:27,260
Oh, my God, I just
burned my fucking hand.
78
00:03:27,262 --> 00:03:29,329
-Why--
-Holy mother of God.
79
00:03:29,331 --> 00:03:31,664
-What the--
-What kind of shitty
fucking house
80
00:03:31,666 --> 00:03:33,933
only has one god damn oven mitt.
81
00:03:33,935 --> 00:03:35,702
-Are you okay?
-[growling]
82
00:03:35,704 --> 00:03:37,303
-You all right?
-You shut the fuck up!
83
00:03:37,305 --> 00:03:40,006
[breathing heavily]
Don't look at me!
84
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:42,008
Don't fucking look at me!
85
00:03:42,777 --> 00:03:45,612
It's a weird costume,
you don't fit in!
86
00:03:45,614 --> 00:03:47,847
[party music]
87
00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:49,549
[robot voice] Pardon
me, beep, beep.
88
00:03:49,551 --> 00:03:51,517
-Coming through.
-Oh, my God.
89
00:03:51,519 --> 00:03:53,553
-[electronics whirring]
-You got a real costume on.
90
00:03:53,555 --> 00:03:57,624
Cheers, man, to giving
All Hallows' Eve
the respect it deserves.
91
00:03:57,626 --> 00:03:58,625
All right!
92
00:03:59,728 --> 00:04:01,995
Oh, here, I got ya.
93
00:04:01,997 --> 00:04:04,831
I know how hard it is.
I once dressed up as a banana.
94
00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:06,866
Couldn't get anything
under that peel.
95
00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:08,434
That's dope, bro.
96
00:04:08,436 --> 00:04:10,470
I made my costume.
97
00:04:10,472 --> 00:04:13,640
You know, I made this
costume using all stuff
98
00:04:13,642 --> 00:04:17,577
-I found around my own home.
-Dude, you seriously have a gift
99
00:04:17,579 --> 00:04:19,479
for making people
look like dicks.
100
00:04:19,481 --> 00:04:20,980
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
101
00:04:23,285 --> 00:04:25,918
That is the nicest thing that
anybody has ever said to me.
102
00:04:26,755 --> 00:04:27,720
Thanks, man.
103
00:04:28,757 --> 00:04:30,390
[robot] You totally get me.
104
00:04:30,392 --> 00:04:32,025
The more pressure we
place on the future,
105
00:04:32,027 --> 00:04:33,993
the less fun it is now.
106
00:04:33,995 --> 00:04:36,696
You know, recently, I noticed
that people are obsessed
107
00:04:36,698 --> 00:04:38,765
with commitment in
all walks of life.
108
00:04:38,767 --> 00:04:40,800
You know, like, I went
to get a new cell phone
109
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,335
and the cell phone guy tried
110
00:04:42,337 --> 00:04:44,404
to get me locked into
a two-year plan.
111
00:04:44,406 --> 00:04:46,406
I'm like, "Excuse me, sir.
112
00:04:46,408 --> 00:04:50,443
Two years, um, [chuckling] what
am I, a fucking crazy person?"
113
00:04:50,445 --> 00:04:53,613
Who can commit to a cell phone
plan for two fucking years?
114
00:04:53,615 --> 00:04:55,715
Um, everyone?
115
00:04:55,717 --> 00:04:56,883
What?
116
00:04:56,885 --> 00:05:00,620
Okay, well, you know, there's
a lot of good options out there.
117
00:05:02,557 --> 00:05:04,457
I'm just fucking with you, man.
118
00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:07,093
I'm from Canada and up there
we keep it super casual.
119
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,432
You're from Canada?
120
00:05:14,636 --> 00:05:16,969
This is making being your
friend very hard, man.
121
00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:19,806
-I wouldn't have even been--
-[Tammy] Get the hell
out of here!
122
00:05:19,808 --> 00:05:22,775
Come on! This guy
snuck into the party.
123
00:05:22,777 --> 00:05:25,511
Sorry, I'm going,
I just got to get my boss!
124
00:05:26,081 --> 00:05:28,481
Okay, all right.
Well, I can't even enjoy this
125
00:05:28,483 --> 00:05:29,949
knowing we're 35 minutes
behind schedule.
126
00:05:29,951 --> 00:05:30,817
Sorry!
127
00:05:31,986 --> 00:05:33,386
Get out, go!
128
00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:39,559
For the record, home delivery
is a right not a privilege.
129
00:05:39,561 --> 00:05:42,528
And you, sir, have lost
that fucking privilege!
130
00:05:42,530 --> 00:05:45,765
[Tammy] It's ma'am, come on.
-[worker] We value
our customers.
131
00:05:45,767 --> 00:05:47,767
Okay, we appreciate
your business.
132
00:05:48,436 --> 00:05:49,769
Wow!
133
00:05:50,438 --> 00:05:53,506
Way to take a hit, man.
You're the man.
134
00:05:53,508 --> 00:05:55,675
No, man, thanks for helping
me up, you're the man.
135
00:05:55,677 --> 00:05:57,877
-No, you're the man.
-No...
136
00:05:57,879 --> 00:05:59,445
[robot voice to woman voice]
...you're the man!
137
00:06:00,749 --> 00:06:01,881
What the fuck?
138
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:04,083
[upbeat music]
139
00:06:07,722 --> 00:06:09,589
See, you're the man.
140
00:06:11,559 --> 00:06:12,825
Holy shit!
141
00:06:13,828 --> 00:06:15,862
[both laugh]
142
00:06:15,864 --> 00:06:17,063
-[Ross] Ready?
-[Harper] Yeah.
143
00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:18,598
-[Ross] Let's do it.
-[both grunting]
144
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,400
[Ross] Oh, it's warm.
145
00:06:20,402 --> 00:06:21,768
But it won't burn.
It won't burn.
146
00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:23,770
-[Ross] Okay.
-[Harper] Okay, okay, okay.
147
00:06:23,772 --> 00:06:25,705
-[vendor] Oh,
that's a good one.
-[both laughing]
148
00:06:25,707 --> 00:06:27,940
-[Ross] What?
-Looks like you're soul mates.
149
00:06:27,942 --> 00:06:29,642
Oh, no, we're just fucking.
150
00:06:30,545 --> 00:06:32,044
Don't tell me I'm wrong.
151
00:06:33,014 --> 00:06:34,981
-Don't you dare.
-Um...
152
00:06:34,983 --> 00:06:36,916
-We should, we should go.
-I'm scared.
153
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,451
-Yeah, we should go.
-Let's go.
154
00:06:38,453 --> 00:06:39,619
Thank you.
155
00:06:39,988 --> 00:06:42,655
Ow, wearing heels is the worst.
156
00:06:44,559 --> 00:06:46,192
-Feet hurt?
-Yeah.
157
00:06:46,194 --> 00:06:48,928
-Yeah.
-If you tied a plaid
around your waist too.
158
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,196
Ah, the beaver.
159
00:06:50,198 --> 00:06:55,701
¶ 'Cause when I look in yourEyes I see the man I could be ¶
160
00:06:56,671 --> 00:06:58,538
¶ And I want more From you, honey... ¶
161
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,174
-Don't.
-What? It's my food,
I want to take a picture.
162
00:07:01,176 --> 00:07:03,943
Oh, no, she's posting
a picture of her food.
163
00:07:07,782 --> 00:07:09,715
What the hell is that?
164
00:07:09,717 --> 00:07:11,517
-That's you.
-Those are not--
165
00:07:11,519 --> 00:07:12,718
Yeah, it is.
166
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:13,920
Ross 1 and Ross 2.
167
00:07:16,124 --> 00:07:17,056
[gasping]
168
00:07:18,159 --> 00:07:21,093
¶ Love ¶
169
00:07:21,095 --> 00:07:23,229
-Wake up.
-[laughing]
170
00:07:25,066 --> 00:07:27,700
[gentle music]
171
00:07:30,205 --> 00:07:33,139
-[Harper laughing]
-[Ross] I can't believe you're
going to India for a week.
172
00:07:33,141 --> 00:07:35,575
-That's too long.
-[Harper] I know,
I have to do a few more
173
00:07:35,577 --> 00:07:37,043
of these workshops so I can go
174
00:07:37,045 --> 00:07:39,612
from, like, an apprentice
chef to a chef chef.
175
00:07:39,614 --> 00:07:41,848
-Very fancy.
-Very fancy.
176
00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:44,217
Hey, I downloaded a bunch of
movies on your iPad.
177
00:07:44,219 --> 00:07:47,687
Threw in some extra
batteries into your bag
for your headphones.
178
00:07:47,689 --> 00:07:49,722
-Oh, my gosh, you're the best.
-No prob.
179
00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:52,024
Ooh, ooh, I left my passport,
I forgot my passport.
180
00:07:52,026 --> 00:07:53,726
Oh, no, that's right here.
181
00:07:53,728 --> 00:07:54,760
Along with your Visa.
182
00:07:54,762 --> 00:07:55,862
What?
183
00:07:55,864 --> 00:07:57,697
Babe, thank you.
184
00:07:58,066 --> 00:08:00,633
Are you sure you don't
want a ride to the airport?
185
00:08:00,635 --> 00:08:01,868
Oh, that's sweet,
I just got an Uber though.
186
00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:02,768
Okay.
187
00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:07,840
-Bye.
-Bye.
188
00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:08,908
See you in a week.
189
00:08:11,079 --> 00:08:13,513
Just so you know,
I'm not seeing anybody else.
190
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:16,716
Cool.
191
00:08:19,854 --> 00:08:23,022
I'm kidding,
I'm kidding, me neither.
192
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:25,057
Uh... is that what I say?
193
00:08:25,059 --> 00:08:26,993
-Yeah.
-Okay, all right.
194
00:08:29,097 --> 00:08:30,830
That's a nice place to kiss.
195
00:08:34,769 --> 00:08:36,602
I'll see you in a week.
196
00:08:36,604 --> 00:08:38,271
[laughing]
197
00:08:38,273 --> 00:08:39,939
-Bye.
-Bye.
198
00:08:55,790 --> 00:08:57,256
[knocking on door]
199
00:08:59,827 --> 00:09:01,928
-Hey!
-Hey, Mom!
200
00:09:02,797 --> 00:09:05,831
-Thanks for coming by.
-Yeah. You know your headphones
201
00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:08,134
are attached to nothing, right?
202
00:09:08,136 --> 00:09:09,735
-What?
-Your head--
203
00:09:09,737 --> 00:09:12,204
Oh, oh, yeah, I don't listen
to music on them.
204
00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:14,006
They, they reduce noise.
205
00:09:14,008 --> 00:09:15,608
I haven't heard your father's
206
00:09:15,610 --> 00:09:17,176
phlegmy breathing in two weeks.
207
00:09:17,178 --> 00:09:19,979
I wish he had
a 57 label on his face
208
00:09:19,981 --> 00:09:23,282
so I could just smack it
until his throat clears.
209
00:09:25,053 --> 00:09:27,086
So where is
the old ketchup bottle?
210
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:27,954
What?
211
00:09:29,223 --> 00:09:30,957
Where is Dad?
212
00:09:30,959 --> 00:09:32,658
Oh, he's in his man cave.
213
00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:34,827
-Man cave?
-Mm.
214
00:09:34,829 --> 00:09:36,228
He's got to man cave now?
215
00:09:36,230 --> 00:09:37,930
[upbeat music]
216
00:09:42,003 --> 00:09:46,038
-Hey, son.
-Wow, Dad, nice man cave.
217
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,740
Really like what you've
done with the place.
218
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:50,776
It's not a man cave,
I live in here now.
219
00:09:50,778 --> 00:09:52,311
Yeah, I just got my own
mailing address.
220
00:09:52,313 --> 00:09:53,946
47 Big Dick Lane.
221
00:09:53,948 --> 00:09:56,048
-[chuckling]
-You should call ahead
222
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,084
before you decide
to pop in unannounced.
223
00:09:58,086 --> 00:09:59,919
Yeah, and you should change your
address, because that's
224
00:09:59,921 --> 00:10:01,854
-grossly inaccurate.
-Okay.
225
00:10:01,856 --> 00:10:04,056
what the hell are you all
still doing together?
226
00:10:04,058 --> 00:10:08,127
Hmm, well, it's like
agreeing to disagree.
227
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,895
We're happy to be unhappy.
228
00:10:09,897 --> 00:10:12,632
At the end of the day, we can't
live without each other.
229
00:10:12,634 --> 00:10:13,966
I administer a weekly
insulin shot,
230
00:10:13,968 --> 00:10:16,068
and she agrees to have
hate sex with me
231
00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:18,938
once a week for my prostate.
232
00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:20,773
Yeah, it's true,
I haven't seen your father
233
00:10:20,775 --> 00:10:22,808
since 7 a.m.
on hate sex Tuesday.
234
00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:25,111
Technically on Tuesday
I get to stab her twice.
235
00:10:25,113 --> 00:10:29,649
Oh, God, that is awful, for like
9,000 different reasons.
236
00:10:29,651 --> 00:10:31,984
-That's marriage.
-Boom! [laughing]
237
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,087
So, you been tapping ass?
238
00:10:37,191 --> 00:10:40,059
-Yeah, actually.
-Ah, that's my boy!
239
00:10:40,061 --> 00:10:41,994
-How many this month?
-Just one.
240
00:10:42,363 --> 00:10:43,929
-One?
-But she's amazing.
241
00:10:43,931 --> 00:10:45,264
She's actually flying in
from a cooking
242
00:10:45,266 --> 00:10:46,732
workshop in India today.
243
00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:47,800
She wants to be a chef.
244
00:10:47,802 --> 00:10:48,768
Does she have the dot?
245
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:50,202
She does not have a dot.
246
00:10:50,905 --> 00:10:53,806
-I can't wait to see her.
-Aw, that's nice, son.
247
00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:56,042
I used to say stupid
shit like that
248
00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:58,177
about your father back
in the early days too.
249
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,279
Oh, you say stupid shit now.
250
00:11:00,281 --> 00:11:01,380
I mean, don't worry,
you haven't lost it.
251
00:11:01,382 --> 00:11:03,349
All right, well, you know what?
252
00:11:03,351 --> 00:11:04,750
This was a pleasure.
253
00:11:05,119 --> 00:11:06,886
-Show your mother out, will you?
-Okay.
254
00:11:06,888 --> 00:11:08,788
And stop trying to park
your car in my living room.
255
00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:10,790
Stop trying to park your car
in my back door.
256
00:11:10,792 --> 00:11:11,957
Okay!
257
00:11:12,326 --> 00:11:13,359
That's enough.
258
00:11:14,028 --> 00:11:15,061
Let's go.
259
00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:17,196
[plane engine roaring]
260
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:19,699
[upbeat music]
261
00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:23,069
[Harper] Hey, um, yeah, this is Harper's voicemail.
262
00:11:23,071 --> 00:11:25,738
I obviously can't come to my phone right now,
263
00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:29,141
so I will call you back, ortext me or something, okay, bye.
264
00:11:31,813 --> 00:11:33,713
[quirky music]
265
00:11:39,787 --> 00:11:42,321
Hey, I'm at LAX.
266
00:11:42,323 --> 00:11:44,223
I'm just a little worried.
267
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,458
It says your flight
landed a little while ago.
268
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,893
So, give me a call.
269
00:11:48,329 --> 00:11:49,729
Hope everything's okay.
270
00:12:07,915 --> 00:12:09,849
[device beeping]
271
00:12:09,851 --> 00:12:11,917
Hey, is everything okay?
272
00:12:11,919 --> 00:12:14,854
I'm in Canada right now,
my parent's house.
273
00:12:14,856 --> 00:12:16,388
[suspenseful music]
274
00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:18,491
What, why?
275
00:12:18,493 --> 00:12:20,292
Okay, remember when we said goodbye...
276
00:12:20,928 --> 00:12:23,329
Ooh, I left my passport,
I forgot my passport.
277
00:12:23,331 --> 00:12:26,065
Oh, no, it's right here,
along with your Visa.
278
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:29,068
[Harper] Well,
that Visa expired.
279
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:31,170
And you expect me
to believe that?
280
00:12:32,106 --> 00:12:34,340
And when I went through customs,
they, like, freaked out
281
00:12:34,342 --> 00:12:36,375
and they thought I was,
like, trying to sneak in,
282
00:12:36,377 --> 00:12:39,011
so I'm being deported,
and I can't come back
283
00:12:39,013 --> 00:12:41,180
to America for like five years.
284
00:12:41,182 --> 00:12:43,449
-Holy shit!
-Yes, I'm like
so upset about it,
285
00:12:43,451 --> 00:12:45,251
it's like just when my life
was starting to click there.
286
00:12:45,253 --> 00:12:46,886
Like, I like my job.
287
00:12:46,888 --> 00:12:49,021
I like my friends. I like you.
288
00:12:49,023 --> 00:12:50,856
Look, it's going
to be okay, okay?
289
00:12:50,858 --> 00:12:53,192
We'll figure something out,
I'll help you.
290
00:12:53,561 --> 00:12:56,495
I mean, there is one way
291
00:12:56,497 --> 00:12:58,798
that I can get back
to America permanently.
292
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,933
Really, that's great, how?
293
00:13:03,037 --> 00:13:04,870
-I could get married.
-To who?
294
00:13:04,872 --> 00:13:06,338
To you, idiot!
295
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,910
Okay, you do realize
that one of the features
296
00:13:10,912 --> 00:13:13,279
of FaceTime, is that
I can see your face, right?
297
00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:16,882
Sorry, I'm sorry, yeah.
298
00:13:16,884 --> 00:13:18,350
No, I know.
299
00:13:18,352 --> 00:13:21,053
I just, actually-- Oh, my God.
300
00:13:21,055 --> 00:13:23,022
I noticed that photo of
Drake in the wheelchair
301
00:13:23,024 --> 00:13:25,591
on your wall behind
you there, shocking!
302
00:13:25,593 --> 00:13:28,594
Whatever, Ross, it's--
Never mind, honestly.
303
00:13:28,596 --> 00:13:32,364
It's just, I thought that
we were, you know, on board
304
00:13:32,366 --> 00:13:35,534
with keeping it casual.
305
00:13:36,871 --> 00:13:38,571
I mean, we haven't even
been dating for that long.
306
00:13:38,573 --> 00:13:41,407
It wouldn't be married married,
I don't want that either.
307
00:13:41,409 --> 00:13:43,108
Not yet, it would just be, like,
308
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:45,244
so that I could keep
living in America,
309
00:13:45,246 --> 00:13:48,180
and keep pursuing my job and
see my friends and see you.
310
00:13:50,618 --> 00:13:51,984
Well,
311
00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:55,054
would it be okay if I just
took a night to sleep on it?
312
00:13:58,159 --> 00:13:59,291
Yeah, it's fine.
313
00:14:02,997 --> 00:14:03,896
Ross?
314
00:14:04,432 --> 00:14:06,065
Yeah.
315
00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:08,300
Can we sleep with
the video shot on tonight,
316
00:14:08,302 --> 00:14:09,535
so it's like we're together?
317
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:12,638
Yeah, of course.
318
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,874
[gentle music]
319
00:14:25,553 --> 00:14:27,453
[crickets chirping]
320
00:14:30,258 --> 00:14:32,491
[sighing] I don't know,
you know.
321
00:14:32,493 --> 00:14:33,959
What should I do,
should I just marry her?
322
00:14:33,961 --> 00:14:36,495
No, absolutely not.
323
00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:40,633
This is the greatest bait
and switch I have ever heard.
324
00:14:40,635 --> 00:14:43,469
Hey, you're getting older.
Your stock is rising.
325
00:14:43,471 --> 00:14:45,237
Yeah, you don't want
to commit all at once.
326
00:14:45,239 --> 00:14:47,206
There is no such thing as a
327
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:49,575
fake marriage in
a real relationship.
328
00:14:49,577 --> 00:14:51,477
Did she say, "Let's get married
329
00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:53,312
and then divorce in six months?"
330
00:14:53,314 --> 00:14:56,282
There is no need to rush
into it like we did.
331
00:14:56,284 --> 00:15:00,386
If you marry her, you marry her.
332
00:15:00,388 --> 00:15:02,988
-Marriage is a life sentence.
-More like the death penalty,
333
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:05,057
but die a little bit everyday
instead of all at once.
334
00:15:05,059 --> 00:15:08,227
-Why did you
all get married then?
-[scoffing] Your dumb ass.
335
00:15:08,229 --> 00:15:10,596
Yeah, your deportion
is our abortion.
336
00:15:10,598 --> 00:15:12,298
Don't make the same
mistakes we did.
337
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,333
Deport and abort.
338
00:15:14,335 --> 00:15:16,502
Well, just don't use
the excuse, "I'll pull out."
339
00:15:16,504 --> 00:15:18,270
It never works.
340
00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:20,406
I did, I did pull out,
I didn't make it in time.
341
00:15:20,408 --> 00:15:22,508
Yeah, can you say
premature ejaculation.
342
00:15:22,510 --> 00:15:24,543
I have a sensitive foreskin.
343
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:26,378
Wow.
344
00:15:33,955 --> 00:15:36,588
[phone beeping]
345
00:15:38,626 --> 00:15:40,459
-[phone ringing]
-I want to hear.
346
00:15:45,132 --> 00:15:47,333
-Hi!
-Hey, it's me, Ross.
347
00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:49,335
Hi, I'm so happy you called,
348
00:15:49,337 --> 00:15:51,337
I felt so weird after
we talked yesterday,
349
00:15:51,339 --> 00:15:52,504
and I just don't want
you to think I'm trying
350
00:15:52,506 --> 00:15:54,039
to put any pressure on you.
351
00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:57,309
You know, it's just,
like, a crazy situation.
352
00:15:57,311 --> 00:15:59,345
-No.
-[whispering] She's lying.
That's a fucking lie.
353
00:15:59,347 --> 00:16:02,448
Shut the fuck up. No, I just--
354
00:16:03,584 --> 00:16:05,284
You know, well--
355
00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:10,589
I don't know if it's a good idea
for us to get married, you know.
356
00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:13,325
Like, we've only been seeing
each other for a couple months.
357
00:16:13,327 --> 00:16:15,728
People who get married
so quick like that,
they end up hating each other,
358
00:16:15,730 --> 00:16:17,763
and I don't want
to end up hating you.
359
00:16:17,765 --> 00:16:19,999
-[whispering]
Good boy, good boy.
-No, I don't want that.
360
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:22,001
I just don't think
that would happen,
'cause it wouldn't be, like,
361
00:16:22,003 --> 00:16:24,703
married, married,
it would just be a fake marriage
for the Green Card.
362
00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:28,574
Right, but we're dating,
so it wouldn't be fake.
363
00:16:29,677 --> 00:16:33,012
Like, marriage puts a lot of
pressure on a relationship,
364
00:16:33,014 --> 00:16:35,748
and, and we've only been dating
for a couple of months.
365
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:38,751
You know, and I don't want to
put that kind of pressure on us.
366
00:16:39,487 --> 00:16:42,287
Yeah, okay, I get that.
367
00:16:43,324 --> 00:16:45,557
I just really wish
there was another way
to get you back here.
368
00:16:48,095 --> 00:16:51,597
Well, I wasn't,
I wasn't even going to say
anything to you but,
369
00:16:51,599 --> 00:16:54,333
actually, my friend, Loren,
offered to marry me.
370
00:16:55,202 --> 00:16:58,370
[Harper] Okay, so, Ross knows who Loren is,he's on my adult field day team.
371
00:16:58,372 --> 00:17:01,373
I'm not going to lie, he's mad hot,
372
00:17:01,375 --> 00:17:02,508
and the other day he was just like:
373
00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:04,243
"I would marry you
in a heartbeat."
374
00:17:04,245 --> 00:17:06,345
[upbeat music]
375
00:17:06,347 --> 00:17:08,714
Let's hang back
a bit with Loren.
376
00:17:08,716 --> 00:17:12,751
You know, right idea, wrong guy.
377
00:17:12,753 --> 00:17:15,621
Ross, we're just friends,
he's a really sweet guy,
378
00:17:15,623 --> 00:17:17,823
and I was just telling him
about the situation,
and he was like,
379
00:17:17,825 --> 00:17:20,225
"Oh, I'd love to do
whatever I can to help."
380
00:17:20,227 --> 00:17:22,494
-I'll find you somebody good.
-Like who?
381
00:17:24,098 --> 00:17:25,664
I'll find you
somebody real good.
382
00:17:26,233 --> 00:17:27,566
I don't want
to marry a stranger!
383
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:29,768
I know some candidates
384
00:17:29,770 --> 00:17:32,237
who would be completely willing,
385
00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:36,175
who are college graduates,
um, they shop at J. Crew,
386
00:17:36,177 --> 00:17:39,378
you know, a bunch of good guys.
I just, you know, need a couple
of days to figure it out.
387
00:17:40,848 --> 00:17:42,481
Okay, I guess.
388
00:17:47,688 --> 00:17:49,354
-[Ross sighing]
-[phone beeps]
389
00:17:53,461 --> 00:17:55,160
You're in, you're in trouble.
390
00:17:57,465 --> 00:17:58,597
[Ross sighing]
391
00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:02,267
It's all right, just breathe.
392
00:18:02,269 --> 00:18:04,436
Get some fresh air,
feels good out here.
393
00:18:05,439 --> 00:18:07,473
-[Tammy sighing]
-Wow.
394
00:18:08,509 --> 00:18:10,742
Like, you're my best friend,
395
00:18:10,744 --> 00:18:14,113
but sometimes you
are dumb as fuck.
396
00:18:14,782 --> 00:18:16,448
Today is fucking insane.
397
00:18:17,885 --> 00:18:19,384
[Ross sighing]
398
00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:21,253
We need a guy who sucks.
399
00:18:21,255 --> 00:18:22,721
You know? A guy with
zero sex appeal.
400
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:24,556
Somebody who doesn't have
anything in his life,
401
00:18:24,558 --> 00:18:25,624
like, figured out.
402
00:18:26,193 --> 00:18:29,161
Get out, you're fired!
403
00:18:29,163 --> 00:18:31,897
Oh, come on, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll take you to
an R rated movie, anything.
404
00:18:31,899 --> 00:18:35,801
-Just don't fire me, please.
-No, too late, too late,
I'm big pimplin' now, baby.
405
00:18:35,803 --> 00:18:38,570
-Too late.
-You've been fucking
impossible ever since
406
00:18:38,572 --> 00:18:40,272
that God damn blow job,
you motherfucker.
407
00:18:40,274 --> 00:18:42,407
Don't you dare, you're through!
408
00:18:42,843 --> 00:18:44,409
-[worker] Get... out.
-[Douglas] No!
409
00:18:44,411 --> 00:18:45,444
-[worker] Get out!
-[Douglas] No!
410
00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:46,778
No, no, no, no!
411
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:48,580
Hey, hey, ah!
412
00:18:48,582 --> 00:18:50,816
-[Douglas screaming]
-[both grunting]
413
00:18:51,886 --> 00:18:54,186
[elastic tearing]
414
00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:56,555
-[elastic snapping]
-[body thumping]
415
00:18:56,557 --> 00:18:58,357
-[Douglas yelling]
-[door slamming]
416
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,826
Isn't that the asshole
who crashed my Halloween party?
417
00:19:00,828 --> 00:19:02,361
-[engine revving]
-[tires squealing]
418
00:19:02,363 --> 00:19:05,197
I'm not fixing your
overbite without these!
419
00:19:05,199 --> 00:19:06,398
Fucker!
420
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:07,599
[upbeat music]
421
00:19:10,905 --> 00:19:12,238
He's perfect!
422
00:19:12,239 --> 00:19:13,572
You just turned in
to a little girl.
423
00:19:18,312 --> 00:19:19,545
I need a new best friend.
424
00:19:19,546 --> 00:19:20,779
It'll be great, all you
got to do is go to Canada.
425
00:19:20,781 --> 00:19:23,849
Get married to her,
interview with Immigration.
426
00:19:23,851 --> 00:19:25,617
Live with her for six months
427
00:19:25,619 --> 00:19:27,719
until her Green Card
becomes official.
428
00:19:27,721 --> 00:19:29,555
And then that's it, you're
done and you're out of there.
429
00:19:29,557 --> 00:19:30,956
You can bail, live your life.
430
00:19:30,958 --> 00:19:32,591
Yeah, fast money.
431
00:19:32,593 --> 00:19:34,793
Mm. You got this,
come on, come on.
432
00:19:36,931 --> 00:19:38,830
-Do you have a picture of her?
-She's beautiful, man.
433
00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:41,934
-You'll love her.
-Super cute, super cute.
434
00:19:44,638 --> 00:19:45,938
All right, I'm very interested.
435
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,673
My rate is $500 a week,
436
00:19:47,675 --> 00:19:49,208
plus, I want my own credit card.
437
00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:51,343
-How do you have a rate?
-I just do.
438
00:19:51,345 --> 00:19:53,845
That's like ten thousand bucks,
man, I don't have that.
439
00:19:53,847 --> 00:19:55,714
Love is very, very expensive.
440
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:58,517
Okay, I'll give you
200 bucks a month,
441
00:19:58,519 --> 00:20:01,620
and this old Navy gift card.
442
00:20:01,622 --> 00:20:03,589
-[Tammy] Ooh.
-There's like
25 dollars on that.
443
00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:06,358
Come on, man,
that's like three V-necks,
444
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:07,926
which you clearly need.
445
00:20:07,928 --> 00:20:10,362
Well, what is that
in flip-flops?
446
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,566
Five flip-flops?
447
00:20:14,568 --> 00:20:17,569
[chuckling] Five pairs
or five total?
448
00:20:17,571 --> 00:20:19,371
I will get you
five pairs of flip-flops!
449
00:20:19,373 --> 00:20:22,374
[sniggering] Well,
that's way too many. [laughing]
450
00:20:22,376 --> 00:20:23,742
Who would buy five
pairs of flip-flops?
451
00:20:24,678 --> 00:20:26,812
[chuckling]
452
00:20:27,848 --> 00:20:30,716
Mm. That's so many.
453
00:20:30,718 --> 00:20:32,618
That's too many flops.
454
00:20:32,953 --> 00:20:37,923
-[gentle music]
-[plane engine roaring]
455
00:20:41,962 --> 00:20:44,329
I didn't realize you
like cats so much.
456
00:20:44,331 --> 00:20:46,598
I feel like
a Russian male order bride.
457
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,568
Well, I promise you, if you
go through with this deal.
458
00:20:49,570 --> 00:20:52,838
It'll be worthwhile
and you'll be rewarded, uh--
459
00:20:54,508 --> 00:20:55,641
Doug, get in here.
460
00:20:55,643 --> 00:20:57,276
[bright music]
461
00:20:57,278 --> 00:20:59,711
I love your
Scottish accent, Ross.
462
00:20:59,713 --> 00:21:04,049
I'm from Scotland too,
for Christ sakes. [laughing]
463
00:21:04,752 --> 00:21:06,618
I didn't know
we were doing accents.
464
00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:09,321
Your accent sucks.
Hey, what's up.
465
00:21:09,323 --> 00:21:13,859
My name's Doug linbiski.
I mean, Lebowski--
La-- Lapinski.
466
00:21:14,428 --> 00:21:16,628
You're having trouble
saying your own last name?
467
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:20,399
It's a tongue twister.
468
00:21:20,401 --> 00:21:24,703
When it's not in alphabetical
order. How dare you shame me.
469
00:21:24,705 --> 00:21:25,837
Right.
470
00:21:25,839 --> 00:21:29,541
Hey, Ross, can I talk to you
in the bathroom for a second?
471
00:21:29,543 --> 00:21:31,743
-[Douglas] You want
to see me too?
-Uh-uh, no, just Ross.
472
00:21:31,745 --> 00:21:34,046
-[Ross] Okay.
-You want me to
come in there with you?
473
00:21:34,048 --> 00:21:36,715
-Just one minute, thank you.
-All right, I'm going
to be right here.
474
00:21:36,717 --> 00:21:38,483
-[Harper] Okay.
-I won't touch anything.
475
00:21:40,354 --> 00:21:42,654
You want me to marry
the psycho from Halloween?
476
00:21:42,656 --> 00:21:45,424
-You're telling me
that guy's better than Loren?
-He's actually a really good guy
477
00:21:45,426 --> 00:21:47,659
-once he gets his last name out.
-You couldn't find
anyone normal?
478
00:21:47,661 --> 00:21:50,495
It's kind of a hard sell,
you know, it's like a marriage
479
00:21:50,497 --> 00:21:52,597
without any of the sex
and all the talking,
480
00:21:52,599 --> 00:21:54,366
who would want to do that?
481
00:21:55,069 --> 00:21:57,035
I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have said that. Okay?
482
00:21:57,037 --> 00:21:59,504
He's in, he's in with the plan,
483
00:21:59,506 --> 00:22:01,506
all I had to do was
give him seven grand.
484
00:22:01,508 --> 00:22:04,543
Oh, my God,
you're paying him to marry me?
485
00:22:04,545 --> 00:22:06,812
He needs the money, it's the
only way he said he'd do it.
486
00:22:06,814 --> 00:22:10,682
Okay, cool, well, if you're
paying him seven grand,
I'd like ten grand.
487
00:22:10,684 --> 00:22:12,651
I'll pay you back
in other ways. [clicks tongue]
488
00:22:12,653 --> 00:22:14,586
Nothing you do is
worth ten grand.
489
00:22:14,588 --> 00:22:17,823
Listen, it'll be great, okay?
490
00:22:17,825 --> 00:22:20,359
The guy doesn't even spend
anytime in his place.
491
00:22:20,361 --> 00:22:23,362
He says he has some boat,
that's where he is all the time.
492
00:22:23,364 --> 00:22:26,965
-Really?
-Yeah, he'll be off
doing his own thing,
493
00:22:26,967 --> 00:22:30,369
and then we'll be able to
do our thing, together.
494
00:22:31,839 --> 00:22:33,572
That would almost be
a romantic thing to say
495
00:22:33,574 --> 00:22:36,074
if you weren't trying to
convince me to marry a stranger,
496
00:22:36,076 --> 00:22:37,676
who's definitely
on the spectrum.
497
00:22:45,719 --> 00:22:47,152
Um, hi!
498
00:22:49,757 --> 00:22:51,957
-You woke me up.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
499
00:22:58,031 --> 00:22:59,631
Can I see you in the bathroom?
500
00:23:02,136 --> 00:23:03,101
Okay.
501
00:23:08,942 --> 00:23:11,443
I'm a little upset, you didn't
tell me Harper was annoying.
502
00:23:11,445 --> 00:23:13,879
Shh! She's not annoying,
man, she's great.
503
00:23:13,881 --> 00:23:16,948
-What are you talking about?
-I won't tolerate her,
her pretentious little hair.
504
00:23:16,950 --> 00:23:19,151
-I need a pay bump.
-I'll give you a thousand
bucks more, man,
505
00:23:19,153 --> 00:23:21,853
-but that's all I got.
-Fine, but I'm not pleased.
506
00:23:21,855 --> 00:23:24,423
You're only going
to get 85% out of me.
507
00:23:24,425 --> 00:23:26,725
You might not be able
tell at first glance,
but I'm a romantic.
508
00:23:26,727 --> 00:23:29,494
Oh, I can tell by
the way rose petals fall
509
00:23:29,496 --> 00:23:30,996
-out of your ass.
-Rose petals fall out
of my what?
510
00:23:30,998 --> 00:23:32,764
-Your ass!
-[hand smacking]
511
00:23:32,766 --> 00:23:34,699
-Don't insult me.
-You just hit me!
512
00:23:34,701 --> 00:23:36,468
Have you given much
thought to a venue?
513
00:23:36,470 --> 00:23:39,671
I'm envisioning something
by an ocean, maybe a pinata.
514
00:23:39,673 --> 00:23:41,606
I don't want to skimp
because these memories
are going to last a lifetime.
515
00:23:41,608 --> 00:23:44,443
[whispering] Months,
Doug, six months!
516
00:23:44,445 --> 00:23:48,013
Not when you hate your wife,
time fucking goes real slow.
517
00:23:48,015 --> 00:23:50,482
We're going to do the wedding
here, her parents are gone
for the weekend,
518
00:23:50,484 --> 00:23:54,052
-it's free and it's perfect.
-Fine, I'm willing to
forego the idealic venue,
519
00:23:54,855 --> 00:23:56,755
-if you give me your socks.
-What?
520
00:23:56,757 --> 00:23:59,558
-Give me your socks.
-What happened to your socks?
521
00:24:00,194 --> 00:24:01,059
They fell off.
522
00:24:02,095 --> 00:24:05,163
[quirky music]
523
00:24:10,537 --> 00:24:11,937
It didn't have to be
that hard, Ross.
524
00:24:23,016 --> 00:24:25,083
What do you two say
we start fresh.
525
00:24:25,886 --> 00:24:28,053
Great idea. Hi, I'm Doug L.
526
00:24:28,055 --> 00:24:32,090
Hi, Doug L., I'm Harper R.
527
00:24:32,092 --> 00:24:33,191
Hmm.
528
00:24:33,193 --> 00:24:34,159
That's so sweet.
529
00:24:35,128 --> 00:24:36,761
[gentle music]
530
00:24:36,763 --> 00:24:39,064
Honey, will you marry him?
531
00:24:42,569 --> 00:24:44,703
I will, reluctantly.
532
00:24:51,712 --> 00:24:54,679
Yeah, this place looks
pretty good, right?
533
00:24:54,681 --> 00:24:57,182
-Should be fine.
-It looks awful, the balloons
are just sagging there,
534
00:24:57,184 --> 00:24:59,150
they don't even have
enough air in them.
535
00:24:59,152 --> 00:25:02,287
[laughing] Are you wearing
an American tuxedo in Canada?
536
00:25:02,289 --> 00:25:04,289
You might as well burn the flag.
537
00:25:04,291 --> 00:25:05,557
Good one, pal.
538
00:25:05,559 --> 00:25:08,026
Did you check out that
dossier I put together?
539
00:25:08,028 --> 00:25:10,479
You all are going to have
to learn every little thing
about each other's lives
540
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,931
'cause customs is going
to interview you
right when we land.
541
00:25:12,933 --> 00:25:14,900
-I don't read.
-Why?
542
00:25:14,902 --> 00:25:16,301
I learn by looking.
543
00:25:17,804 --> 00:25:19,304
Okay, I'll read it to you then.
544
00:25:19,306 --> 00:25:21,706
Shut up, I can not deal
with your petty
545
00:25:21,708 --> 00:25:24,209
-bullshit on my wedding day.
Of all days, Ross.
-I'm sorry.
546
00:25:24,211 --> 00:25:26,878
Of all days.
It's my fucking wedding day.
547
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,581
Once a year, once in a lifetime.
548
00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:31,583
My day, not yours!
549
00:25:32,019 --> 00:25:34,185
But don't worry, buddy,
I always handle my shit.
550
00:25:35,289 --> 00:25:37,255
I'm extremely mature for my age.
551
00:25:37,257 --> 00:25:38,223
Okay.
552
00:25:39,993 --> 00:25:41,226
Oh, yes.
553
00:25:41,228 --> 00:25:44,062
I'm here for the Doug
554
00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:46,731
and Harper L. wedding.
555
00:25:46,733 --> 00:25:48,833
Yes, you're in
the right place, my friend,
556
00:25:48,835 --> 00:25:53,004
the groom's side
is on your left.
Right over there, buddy.
557
00:25:53,006 --> 00:25:56,174
-What the fuck is this?
-Can you tell me about
these people that are here?
558
00:25:56,176 --> 00:26:00,779
-Who are these people?
-These are my friends.
559
00:26:01,782 --> 00:26:04,583
Well, actually,
I, I put an ad out online,
560
00:26:04,585 --> 00:26:07,586
and said free cake
at a wedding, so.
561
00:26:07,588 --> 00:26:10,255
Doug, this is my fucking
parents' house, okay,
you can't do that.
562
00:26:10,257 --> 00:26:13,825
-There's my little Dougie.
-Mom!
563
00:26:13,827 --> 00:26:16,328
-He invited his family?
-I swear I had no idea.
564
00:26:16,330 --> 00:26:18,129
It's my wedding day, how
can I not invite my family.
565
00:26:18,131 --> 00:26:20,131
I am so proud of you.
566
00:26:20,133 --> 00:26:22,067
I never thought
you'd get married.
567
00:26:22,069 --> 00:26:27,305
And you only waited to tell me
until two days before.
568
00:26:27,307 --> 00:26:29,240
[hand smacking]
569
00:26:29,242 --> 00:26:32,143
-What the fuck?
-[chuckling] Now,
where's this Harper?
570
00:26:32,713 --> 00:26:34,279
Oh, hi, that's me. [chuckling]
571
00:26:34,281 --> 00:26:36,815
Are you going to marry my son?
572
00:26:37,217 --> 00:26:39,851
-Yeah.
-Yeah, fucking right.
573
00:26:40,253 --> 00:26:43,288
-Well, fuck yeah!
-[hand smacking]
574
00:26:43,290 --> 00:26:46,725
You have outdone
yourself this time.
575
00:26:46,727 --> 00:26:49,327
Who's this fucking
asshole right here?
576
00:26:49,329 --> 00:26:52,263
Well, uh, it's good that
you asked that, Norm.
577
00:26:52,265 --> 00:26:55,000
Ross is Harper's brother.
578
00:26:55,002 --> 00:27:00,005
And she's always
with him because...
[whispering] he's suicidal.
579
00:27:00,007 --> 00:27:02,207
-He's what?
-Suicidal.
580
00:27:02,209 --> 00:27:04,876
And she doesn't really
want to leave him alone.
581
00:27:04,878 --> 00:27:07,212
Right, he's right, you know.
582
00:27:07,214 --> 00:27:12,250
I mean, I just want to
[mimicking dying noises]
583
00:27:12,252 --> 00:27:14,686
Okay, where's the rest
of the family?
584
00:27:14,688 --> 00:27:18,123
They're all fucking dead,
from suicide, Norm.
585
00:27:18,125 --> 00:27:19,190
Thanks for asking.
586
00:27:19,926 --> 00:27:21,793
Well that's just gut wrenching.
587
00:27:22,162 --> 00:27:23,395
[gentle music]
588
00:27:25,365 --> 00:27:26,931
My vows.
589
00:27:26,933 --> 00:27:29,401
I vow to make these vows.
590
00:27:29,403 --> 00:27:32,671
I vow to let you watch
whatever you want on TV
591
00:27:32,673 --> 00:27:34,739
when wrestling's not on.
592
00:27:35,275 --> 00:27:37,442
I promise to make promises.
593
00:27:37,444 --> 00:27:40,745
-I vow to let you have...
-Who the fuck are you?
594
00:27:40,747 --> 00:27:42,347
...all your privacy.
595
00:27:42,349 --> 00:27:45,250
I'm a craigslist model.
596
00:27:45,252 --> 00:27:47,952
Oh, I'm so fucking impressed.
597
00:27:47,954 --> 00:27:50,689
-Do I look good?
-You look like
a fucking pervert.
598
00:27:50,691 --> 00:27:54,192
People spend money,
a special event,
599
00:27:54,194 --> 00:27:57,128
a wedding, you came with
the short fucking pants.
600
00:27:57,130 --> 00:28:01,099
This is-- this is so
inconsiderate of you.
601
00:28:01,101 --> 00:28:04,335
Why the fuck--
Why don't you just go
and fuck a donkey somewhere.
602
00:28:05,739 --> 00:28:07,739
Who makes your jacket?
I like it.
603
00:28:07,741 --> 00:28:09,140
[stuttering]
604
00:28:09,142 --> 00:28:11,876
The man who fucks your mother.
605
00:28:12,479 --> 00:28:15,213
Well, perhaps it's the same
man who makes you eat shit!
606
00:28:15,215 --> 00:28:17,315
[Douglas] ...go down on
you every Tuesday.
607
00:28:17,918 --> 00:28:18,850
That's rude.
608
00:28:20,253 --> 00:28:21,986
Your mother is a whore.
609
00:28:23,056 --> 00:28:25,190
And if you don't behave
yourself, you know,
610
00:28:25,192 --> 00:28:27,892
you see that black guy
sleeping on himself right now,
611
00:28:27,894 --> 00:28:30,428
look at that, I will just
let him loose on you.
612
00:28:30,430 --> 00:28:32,997
Bend you over and fuck,
you say, "Aye!"
613
00:28:32,999 --> 00:28:34,833
He's ready for you,
you fucker, you.
614
00:28:36,169 --> 00:28:37,936
Yep, sorry, man.
I might, I might go--
615
00:28:37,938 --> 00:28:39,938
And who asked you
to sit next me?
616
00:28:39,940 --> 00:28:42,741
Who's the fucking seating
arrangement person here?
617
00:28:44,244 --> 00:28:46,344
Sorry about it. [clears throat]
618
00:28:47,147 --> 00:28:49,214
[Douglas] I will honor
and relish you.
619
00:28:52,486 --> 00:28:54,252
Good job, Doug,
it's, it's a special day.
620
00:28:55,856 --> 00:28:58,957
Got any weapons on you
there, suicidey, huh?
621
00:28:58,959 --> 00:29:00,792
Right. You want to be selfish,
kill yourself?
622
00:29:00,794 --> 00:29:03,194
That's fine,
but not fucking today.
623
00:29:03,196 --> 00:29:05,864
Okay. Oh, what's this,
this a pin?
624
00:29:05,866 --> 00:29:08,266
Is this a pin?
Fucking end your life and be
with your dumb fuck family.
625
00:29:08,268 --> 00:29:09,901
Cowards, fuck you.
626
00:29:10,904 --> 00:29:14,439
It's fine, my suicide plans
are more long term anyway.
627
00:29:14,441 --> 00:29:17,175
[whispering] Shut
the fuck up for the vows!
628
00:29:18,545 --> 00:29:20,845
[gentle music]
629
00:29:23,784 --> 00:29:26,284
Okay, do you, Doug Lipinski,
630
00:29:26,286 --> 00:29:28,286
take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife.
631
00:29:29,156 --> 00:29:30,221
I do.
632
00:29:31,958 --> 00:29:34,025
And do you, Harper Reynolds,
633
00:29:34,027 --> 00:29:39,898
take this man to be your
lawfully wedded husband?
634
00:29:42,102 --> 00:29:43,101
Think about it.
635
00:29:48,542 --> 00:29:50,542
-I do.
-You sure?
636
00:29:50,544 --> 00:29:52,310
[belching] She's sure, dude.
637
00:29:54,214 --> 00:29:56,147
Okay, so, by the power
invested in me,
638
00:29:56,149 --> 00:29:58,383
uh, by the Province of
British Columbia,
639
00:29:58,385 --> 00:30:00,151
I now pronounce you
husband and wife,
640
00:30:00,153 --> 00:30:01,319
you may kiss the bride.
641
00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:04,122
[upbeat music]
642
00:30:09,296 --> 00:30:11,129
Kiss her already.
643
00:30:11,464 --> 00:30:12,931
[indistinct shouting]
644
00:30:14,134 --> 00:30:16,835
I found a knife,
I'm going to stab myself
645
00:30:16,837 --> 00:30:18,336
with this fucking knife.
646
00:30:18,338 --> 00:30:19,470
Oh, thank God!
647
00:30:19,472 --> 00:30:21,272
You selfish fuck!
648
00:30:21,274 --> 00:30:24,342
-[loud thump]
-[both grunting]
649
00:30:24,344 --> 00:30:27,212
-[fists thudding]
-[groaning]
650
00:30:27,214 --> 00:30:31,049
Uh, well, ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you
Mr. and Mrs. Doug Lipinski.
651
00:30:31,051 --> 00:30:34,586
-[mom cheers]
-[guests clap]
652
00:30:34,588 --> 00:30:37,889
[plane engine roaring]
653
00:30:37,891 --> 00:30:39,591
[Ross] Did you look
at that dossier I made?
654
00:30:40,493 --> 00:30:42,861
Customs is going to interview
you right when we land.
655
00:30:44,030 --> 00:30:45,930
I can handle my shit, Rossy.
656
00:30:45,932 --> 00:30:46,931
All right? I promise.
657
00:30:46,933 --> 00:30:49,334
[people chattering]
658
00:30:49,336 --> 00:30:50,902
[chuckling]
659
00:30:52,906 --> 00:30:56,140
-All right, Mrs. Lebowski.
-It's Lipinski.
660
00:30:56,142 --> 00:30:59,010
-Libinsky.
-Lipinski. Pins--
661
00:30:59,012 --> 00:31:01,379
-It's really hard to pronounce.
-Yeah?
662
00:31:01,381 --> 00:31:04,148
-[Douglas] Yeah.
-Yeah, I wasn't talking
to you though, so.
663
00:31:05,218 --> 00:31:08,620
Mrs. Lipinski, you scored
a perfect 50 out of 50.
664
00:31:08,622 --> 00:31:09,888
Oh.
665
00:31:10,257 --> 00:31:12,090
Thank you. [laughing]
666
00:31:13,526 --> 00:31:15,960
And Mr. Lipinsy, Lapinski...
667
00:31:17,898 --> 00:31:20,665
you unfortunately
scored 3 out of 50,
668
00:31:20,667 --> 00:31:22,567
[laughing] 3 out of 50.
669
00:31:22,569 --> 00:31:29,240
Unfortunately for you,
waffle is not the answer
to the first ten questions.
670
00:31:29,242 --> 00:31:32,310
See, including, "What is
the date of your wife's birth?"
671
00:31:34,514 --> 00:31:37,248
I didn't want to leave it blank
because it's better not--
672
00:31:37,250 --> 00:31:38,950
No, no.
673
00:31:38,952 --> 00:31:40,018
What's the date of
your wife's birth?
674
00:31:40,020 --> 00:31:40,952
Just the date?
675
00:31:43,123 --> 00:31:43,988
Waffle.
676
00:31:48,528 --> 00:31:50,228
If you, if you'll excuse
us for a minute,
677
00:31:50,230 --> 00:31:51,696
agent Buckle
and I need to confer.
678
00:31:56,569 --> 00:31:57,702
[door opening]
679
00:32:01,007 --> 00:32:03,374
-[door closing]
-My god, I can't believe you
only got 3 out of 50 right.
680
00:32:03,376 --> 00:32:06,144
-What the fuck?
-I thought it was going
to be multiple choice.
681
00:32:06,146 --> 00:32:07,679
-All right?
-Jesus.
682
00:32:07,681 --> 00:32:10,248
Look, standardized tests
don't test intelligence,
683
00:32:10,250 --> 00:32:11,582
so it's all good.
684
00:32:15,989 --> 00:32:16,688
[door opening]
685
00:32:16,689 --> 00:32:17,388
-[door closing]
-[Harper] It's fine.
686
00:32:29,469 --> 00:32:32,337
Okay, you're good to enter.
687
00:32:32,339 --> 00:32:34,138
-Really?
-Congratulations.
688
00:32:34,140 --> 00:32:35,340
-Thank you.
-Welcome to the United States.
689
00:32:35,342 --> 00:32:37,008
Thank you so much.
690
00:32:37,010 --> 00:32:38,743
But please be advised
that we may drop
691
00:32:38,745 --> 00:32:41,346
into your place of
residence from time to time.
692
00:32:41,348 --> 00:32:43,448
And in which case,
if everything checks out,
693
00:32:43,450 --> 00:32:45,049
you'll get a permanent
Green Card.
694
00:32:45,051 --> 00:32:47,385
Thanks, man, thanks.
695
00:32:47,387 --> 00:32:49,554
-That's awesome. That's awesome.
-Yes, yes.
696
00:32:49,556 --> 00:32:52,690
Hey, needle dick,
I totally passed that test.
697
00:32:52,692 --> 00:32:54,726
[uplifting music]
698
00:32:54,728 --> 00:32:56,594
Yeah, yeah!
699
00:33:00,233 --> 00:33:01,733
It's crazy but it worked.
700
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,707
It worked, I'm so happy.
701
00:33:09,709 --> 00:33:11,609
Oh, I can't believe it worked.
702
00:33:12,245 --> 00:33:14,145
You just got to stick
with me, you know.
703
00:33:14,147 --> 00:33:17,448
Ross the boss, always making
moves. [snapping fingers]
704
00:33:17,450 --> 00:33:19,517
Actually, I was only using
you to get to Doug, so.
705
00:33:19,519 --> 00:33:21,352
-Doug? Nice working with you.
-No, I'm kidding.
706
00:33:26,192 --> 00:33:29,127
¶ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ¶
707
00:33:29,496 --> 00:33:31,429
Where'd you learn
how to kiss, Ross?
708
00:33:32,032 --> 00:33:34,532
If you need any lessons,
let me know.
709
00:33:34,534 --> 00:33:35,800
I'm a professional kisser.
710
00:33:37,470 --> 00:33:39,537
¶ Sometimes life can feel like ¶
711
00:33:39,539 --> 00:33:43,107
¶ Walking through A dark alley alone ¶
712
00:33:43,109 --> 00:33:45,043
[boat horn blaring]
713
00:33:45,045 --> 00:33:46,544
¶ Raise my walls as defense ¶
714
00:33:46,546 --> 00:33:50,715
¶ What I want Has been taken before ¶
715
00:33:52,152 --> 00:33:55,053
¶ Oh, dreaming is safe So I'd rather-- ¶
716
00:33:56,089 --> 00:33:59,223
There she is, home sweet home.
717
00:34:02,228 --> 00:34:04,095
Wait, you live on a houseboat.
718
00:34:04,097 --> 00:34:06,831
No, we live on a houseboat.
719
00:34:06,833 --> 00:34:09,634
I swear to God, I did not know.
720
00:34:10,270 --> 00:34:13,438
Yeah, so, you know, I pretty
much bought it in the '80s.
721
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,573
Practically in mint condition.
722
00:34:15,575 --> 00:34:18,443
It's really just me that lives
here. You can probably put like
723
00:34:18,445 --> 00:34:21,479
25 people on here if you want
to. So, it's going to be really
comfortable with us three.
724
00:34:21,481 --> 00:34:24,348
Does it actually, like, work?
725
00:34:24,350 --> 00:34:26,451
Yeah, no, it's great, it flies.
726
00:34:26,453 --> 00:34:28,853
We got a little people
call this boat the wave fucker.
727
00:34:29,689 --> 00:34:32,156
-It can actually, like, it can--
-Chuck your luggage in there.
728
00:34:32,158 --> 00:34:34,325
[Harper] Oh, well, I have
some stuff that's--
729
00:34:34,327 --> 00:34:35,827
-Throw it in there real quick.
-Thank you.
730
00:34:35,829 --> 00:34:37,728
Don't worry, don't worry,
the boat's really old,
731
00:34:37,730 --> 00:34:40,531
it won't get hurt.
Just sort of hop over here,
732
00:34:40,533 --> 00:34:42,700
and, uh, let me help you in.
733
00:34:42,702 --> 00:34:46,270
-So, come on up, there's
she goes, whoopsie-daisy.
-[Harper] Okay, okay.
734
00:34:46,272 --> 00:34:48,773
So, we got all your
standard amenities.
735
00:34:49,409 --> 00:34:54,412
Plus TV. And, uh, some ketchup,
and of course, mayonnaise.
736
00:34:54,781 --> 00:34:58,649
Oh... and a traffic cone.
737
00:34:58,651 --> 00:35:01,385
We're the only boat in the
harbor that has a traffic cone.
738
00:35:01,387 --> 00:35:03,621
There used to be another guy
that had one, now it's just me.
739
00:35:05,658 --> 00:35:08,426
-Cool.
-[Douglas] And, uh,
oh, right here,
740
00:35:08,428 --> 00:35:11,395
best part, this is little Weezy.
741
00:35:11,397 --> 00:35:13,898
Who's my little first mate?
742
00:35:13,900 --> 00:35:15,266
He's a rescue.
743
00:35:15,268 --> 00:35:17,468
He was in my garbage disposal
744
00:35:17,470 --> 00:35:18,669
and I pulled him out.
745
00:35:19,272 --> 00:35:20,204
-Ugh!
-Hey, Doug.
746
00:35:21,541 --> 00:35:23,774
Is, uh, that you and your
girlfriend there?
747
00:35:23,776 --> 00:35:25,910
Oh, yeah, I wish, man,
that's Crystal.
748
00:35:26,246 --> 00:35:28,479
I'm going to go see
her in a reunion soon.
It's going to be exciting
749
00:35:28,481 --> 00:35:31,716
to see her in the flesh,
and... refresh.
750
00:35:31,718 --> 00:35:33,751
-All right, Doug.
-Oh, my God!
751
00:35:33,753 --> 00:35:36,687
Why don't you show, um,
Harper to her room.
752
00:35:36,689 --> 00:35:39,824
Oh, yeah. I got the best room
in the house for you.
753
00:35:39,826 --> 00:35:41,325
Used to be my pet cemetery.
754
00:35:42,595 --> 00:35:44,195
Yeah, come and check it out.
755
00:35:44,197 --> 00:35:46,330
[quirky music]
756
00:35:46,332 --> 00:35:49,433
It's a little bit of
a decorative project
that I'm working on.
757
00:35:49,435 --> 00:35:51,369
It sure is a lot of lava.
758
00:35:51,704 --> 00:35:53,871
Yeah, I bought them
from this street vendor,
759
00:35:53,873 --> 00:35:56,307
he said the lava was
from all over the world.
760
00:35:56,309 --> 00:35:59,577
And I believe him because
he had a hand grenade
tattoo on his face.
761
00:36:01,214 --> 00:36:02,547
-[water squirting]
-Oh, shit!
762
00:36:05,385 --> 00:36:09,320
It's good to keep a roll of
duct tape on board at all times.
763
00:36:09,322 --> 00:36:12,957
For leaks and, uh, waxing
my bikini line. [chuckling]
764
00:36:13,893 --> 00:36:16,327
Pretty cool, huh, guys?
We got our own water.
765
00:36:16,329 --> 00:36:21,199
Woo! Anyway, I'll leave
this duct tape right here.
766
00:36:21,201 --> 00:36:23,234
You're going to need it,
'cause you look
like you don't wax
767
00:36:23,236 --> 00:36:24,802
your bikini line, my friend.
768
00:36:25,305 --> 00:36:27,271
Let's hug it out. [grunting]
769
00:36:27,774 --> 00:36:30,541
All right, later.
You guys have fun now.
770
00:36:30,543 --> 00:36:33,878
Hey, you know what?
I feel like we can do this
for more than six months, yeah?
771
00:36:42,655 --> 00:36:45,590
-It's kind of nice, right?
-No, this is
literally so fucked.
772
00:36:45,592 --> 00:36:47,858
I just married, like,
a mental patient for you.
You were going to
773
00:36:47,860 --> 00:36:49,827
-leave me alone here?
-I'm not going to leave
you alone here.
774
00:36:49,829 --> 00:36:51,896
I'm going to stay every night,
I just don't want to move in.
775
00:36:51,898 --> 00:36:54,498
I seem to feel like you
at least can give a shit
about my well-being.
776
00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:56,734
-I do give a shit.
-No, you don't,
it's always about you
777
00:36:56,736 --> 00:36:58,636
and your life and your world.
778
00:36:58,638 --> 00:37:00,504
Like, what about me,
you've never made any effort
779
00:37:00,506 --> 00:37:02,840
-to get to know my friends--
-Invite your friends here.
780
00:37:02,842 --> 00:37:05,009
-Invite them here.
-I'm not going to invite
my friends here.
781
00:37:05,011 --> 00:37:07,745
We'll have a party,
they can get to see
the new digs, it'll be great.
782
00:37:07,747 --> 00:37:10,848
I can do whatever you want
for them, I can cook for them.
783
00:37:10,850 --> 00:37:13,017
I can learn all their names.
784
00:37:13,886 --> 00:37:15,286
It'll be fun.
785
00:37:15,288 --> 00:37:19,023
[reporter] There's a disturbing new trend on the teenage party scene.
786
00:37:19,025 --> 00:37:22,593
Teens seeking a buzz are
soaking tampons in Vodka
787
00:37:22,595 --> 00:37:25,563
and inserting them into their
rectum to get drunk faster
788
00:37:25,565 --> 00:37:29,000
and feel the effects of
alcohol more intensely.
789
00:37:29,002 --> 00:37:31,702
The practice is known
as butt chugging.
790
00:37:31,704 --> 00:37:34,639
That's the grossest
thing I've ever seen.
791
00:37:34,641 --> 00:37:36,774
-[woman] Really.
-[laughing]
792
00:37:36,776 --> 00:37:37,775
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
793
00:37:37,777 --> 00:37:39,343
There you go.
794
00:37:39,345 --> 00:37:40,811
So happy you all
could come over, you know,
795
00:37:40,813 --> 00:37:42,747
it's a real pleasure
getting to meet you.
796
00:37:42,749 --> 00:37:46,284
-Harper, he's great.
-Thank you.
797
00:37:46,286 --> 00:37:48,953
[Douglas screaming] It burns,
it burns, it burns, it burns!
798
00:37:48,955 --> 00:37:50,321
-Oh, shit. [chuckling]
-[women shouting]
799
00:37:50,323 --> 00:37:52,056
[rock music]
800
00:37:52,058 --> 00:37:55,026
Ew! Ew! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
801
00:37:55,028 --> 00:37:57,495
-Is that mine?
-[women chattering]
802
00:37:57,497 --> 00:37:59,497
This guy is insane.
803
00:37:59,499 --> 00:38:02,767
He stuck a tampon into
his ass soaked with Vodka.
804
00:38:03,336 --> 00:38:06,370
-Ah, butt chug.
-There's no way she's going
to last six months with him.
805
00:38:06,372 --> 00:38:08,673
She's going to leave or she's
going to break up with me.
806
00:38:08,675 --> 00:38:11,909
Or I'm going to have
to marry her myself
so she can get away from him.
807
00:38:11,911 --> 00:38:15,780
How am I supposed to know
for sure that's she's the one?
808
00:38:15,782 --> 00:38:18,616
You make a pro,
things you like about her,
809
00:38:18,618 --> 00:38:20,584
and con, things you
don't like about her.
810
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:24,422
She's super smart
and funny and beautiful.
811
00:38:24,424 --> 00:38:26,490
I've never had more fun with
anybody in my entire life.
812
00:38:26,492 --> 00:38:28,559
It's just, how am I supposed
to know for sure?
813
00:38:28,561 --> 00:38:30,728
Let me ask you this.
Do you ever say no to her?
814
00:38:31,798 --> 00:38:34,398
No-- Not yet, I mean,
it hasn't come up yet.
815
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:38,669
Ross, [scoffing]
every woman is a peach
when all she hears is yes.
816
00:38:38,671 --> 00:38:41,872
You never know
what she's really like
until you start to say no.
817
00:38:41,874 --> 00:38:44,008
[mom] Walter, are you going
to take this trash out?
818
00:38:45,978 --> 00:38:48,746
-No!
-Go fuck yourself!
819
00:38:49,349 --> 00:38:51,115
Stupid, old fucktard.
820
00:38:51,117 --> 00:38:53,751
You say yes to women,
it's only a matter of time
821
00:38:53,753 --> 00:38:55,753
before you have
to say yes to drugs.
822
00:38:55,755 --> 00:38:57,722
It's actually a scientific fact.
823
00:38:58,925 --> 00:39:00,091
Interesting.
824
00:39:00,993 --> 00:39:02,093
I read a lot.
825
00:39:02,095 --> 00:39:04,028
[upbeat music]
826
00:39:04,030 --> 00:39:07,098
So, my adult field day team
has a tournament today.
827
00:39:07,100 --> 00:39:08,999
And Loren tore his ACL,
so we have to find somebody
828
00:39:09,001 --> 00:39:10,701
to replace him or we're
going to get disqualified.
829
00:39:10,703 --> 00:39:14,038
Loren, aw, that's too bad.
830
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:17,508
How could he even get hurt,
he's so perfect.
831
00:39:22,782 --> 00:39:24,582
So, do you want to fill
in for him then?
832
00:39:25,952 --> 00:39:28,018
-No.
-Why?
833
00:39:28,588 --> 00:39:31,021
No reason. Just no.
834
00:39:31,023 --> 00:39:32,656
-Are you sure?
-No.
835
00:39:33,159 --> 00:39:35,393
-Okay, I'm confused.
What do you want?
-No!
836
00:39:35,395 --> 00:39:37,828
-Why do you keep saying no--
-I want to say no, today.
837
00:39:38,765 --> 00:39:39,630
I'm saying no.
838
00:39:40,666 --> 00:39:42,466
-Okay.
-No!
839
00:39:42,468 --> 00:39:45,936
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, nope.
840
00:39:45,938 --> 00:39:49,106
Not today, sorry, nope.
841
00:39:49,108 --> 00:39:54,111
Sometimes people want to say no!
So, I'm going to tell
you no, all right?
842
00:39:54,113 --> 00:39:56,480
So, no, so you can
find someone else,
843
00:39:56,482 --> 00:39:59,183
'cause today
I'm saying no, all right?
844
00:39:59,185 --> 00:40:01,152
[Harper laughing]
845
00:40:01,154 --> 00:40:04,822
Hey, I might be
exactly what you need
846
00:40:04,824 --> 00:40:06,023
for your little field day.
847
00:40:07,527 --> 00:40:08,659
Whoa.
848
00:40:08,661 --> 00:40:09,860
[golf club and ball splashing]
849
00:40:09,862 --> 00:40:11,128
Nailed it.
850
00:40:11,130 --> 00:40:13,731
[gentle music]
851
00:40:17,470 --> 00:40:19,937
He literally looks like the
older version of you right now.
852
00:40:20,506 --> 00:40:21,939
Yeah, he's good looking.
853
00:40:21,941 --> 00:40:23,941
[quirky music]
854
00:40:30,983 --> 00:40:32,450
-Ready?
-[mumbling]
855
00:40:32,952 --> 00:40:34,618
What, ready for what?
856
00:40:34,620 --> 00:40:35,820
[whistle blows]
857
00:40:35,822 --> 00:40:39,056
[tense music]
858
00:40:39,058 --> 00:40:41,192
-[Douglas groaning]
-[man shouting]
859
00:40:46,799 --> 00:40:49,166
[Harper] Oh, come on, Doug!
860
00:40:49,735 --> 00:40:51,735
I'm just going to stay
here for a while.
861
00:40:51,737 --> 00:40:52,803
Staying out right here.
862
00:40:54,207 --> 00:40:55,573
[woman screams]
863
00:40:55,575 --> 00:40:56,941
[water splashing]
864
00:40:56,943 --> 00:40:58,976
[women yelling]
865
00:40:58,978 --> 00:41:00,711
[woman shouting]
866
00:41:03,683 --> 00:41:05,049
You're really hairy, man.
867
00:41:06,018 --> 00:41:08,886
-No, I'm not.
-You look like
a used lint roller.
868
00:41:08,888 --> 00:41:11,956
Truly no symmetry to
your body hair or your face.
869
00:41:12,558 --> 00:41:14,091
Yeah, what happened
to your T-shirt?
870
00:41:14,093 --> 00:41:16,093
-It fell off.
-What do you mean it fell off?
871
00:41:16,095 --> 00:41:18,195
Over there, walking over,
it fell off.
872
00:41:18,197 --> 00:41:19,997
-Yeah, how?
-It just did!
873
00:41:19,999 --> 00:41:22,566
Okay, it's your turn. Go, go.
874
00:41:22,568 --> 00:41:25,236
All right, step aside.
Gonna fucking crush this.
875
00:41:25,238 --> 00:41:28,038
[upbeat rock music]
876
00:41:31,611 --> 00:41:33,644
[Douglas screams]
877
00:41:33,646 --> 00:41:34,612
Whoa!
878
00:41:41,921 --> 00:41:42,786
Oh, hey.
879
00:41:43,589 --> 00:41:44,655
Tough loss.
880
00:41:45,858 --> 00:41:47,091
Wish I could have
helped, but, um...
881
00:41:48,761 --> 00:41:50,227
I feel like such a fat shit.
882
00:41:51,063 --> 00:41:55,132
I haven't done a CrossFit
box jump in like... two days.
883
00:41:55,134 --> 00:41:57,735
-No, you look great.
-Yeah, right,
884
00:41:57,737 --> 00:41:59,904
I'm a little fat granola bar
away from a tummy tuck.
885
00:42:00,706 --> 00:42:03,007
That's crazy,
no, you look great.
886
00:42:03,009 --> 00:42:04,608
[chuckling] Thanks.
887
00:42:04,610 --> 00:42:07,278
Does your boyfriend,
Ross, workout at all?
888
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,680
No, that's not Ross,
that's Doug.
889
00:42:09,682 --> 00:42:12,316
So, that's this random guy that
Ross found for me to marry.
890
00:42:12,318 --> 00:42:14,652
-Wait, are you serious?
-Yeah.
891
00:42:14,654 --> 00:42:17,688
Ross didn't change his mind
and marry you himself?
892
00:42:17,990 --> 00:42:19,290
[gentle music]
893
00:42:19,292 --> 00:42:20,858
Uh, no.
894
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:22,793
That makes me mad.
895
00:42:22,795 --> 00:42:24,595
That makes me mad!
896
00:42:24,964 --> 00:42:27,731
That's terrible,
I mean-- [chuckling]
897
00:42:29,335 --> 00:42:33,737
You know what? I honestly think
if I went on a bench right now,
I would beat my high.
898
00:42:34,774 --> 00:42:37,341
You know, I'm trying to
be patient with Ross,
899
00:42:37,343 --> 00:42:39,143
'cause he's a really good guy,
900
00:42:39,145 --> 00:42:41,312
he just has this problem
making decisions,
901
00:42:41,314 --> 00:42:43,881
so he's working through it.
902
00:42:43,883 --> 00:42:46,784
If he can't decide about you,
he doesn't have a fear
of making decisions,
903
00:42:47,853 --> 00:42:48,819
he's just an idiot.
904
00:42:51,257 --> 00:42:54,158
Look, if you change your mind,
you know who to call.
905
00:42:56,896 --> 00:42:57,995
It's me.
906
00:42:58,764 --> 00:43:00,130
And if I don't answer,
it's probably
907
00:43:00,132 --> 00:43:02,066
because my, my leg is better,
908
00:43:02,068 --> 00:43:03,801
and I'm back at spin class.
909
00:43:03,803 --> 00:43:06,971
Oh, boy, that music
is loud, huh?
910
00:43:06,973 --> 00:43:09,206
That music is loud,
I need to get back there!
911
00:43:10,109 --> 00:43:11,942
Yeah, um,
912
00:43:12,678 --> 00:43:14,812
anyway, I hope you're
feeling better soon.
913
00:43:15,114 --> 00:43:17,381
[gentle music]
914
00:43:19,652 --> 00:43:23,053
Well, I guess
I learned something
important today, you know.
915
00:43:23,055 --> 00:43:25,089
Losing with a team is
better than winning alone.
916
00:43:26,025 --> 00:43:27,925
What have you ever won?
917
00:43:27,927 --> 00:43:30,761
I won, like, a restraining
order one time.
918
00:43:30,763 --> 00:43:32,062
Can you win that? I don't know.
919
00:43:32,064 --> 00:43:34,198
Wow, what the fuck
is wrong with you?
920
00:43:34,967 --> 00:43:37,067
Yeah, if you're here next
time, I fucking quit.
921
00:43:37,637 --> 00:43:40,004
-Why, Jay?
-You fucking suck ass.
922
00:43:41,007 --> 00:43:43,707
All right, well, I guess,
I'll just go back
to my wife, Harper.
923
00:43:44,110 --> 00:43:47,978
Wait, Harper's your wife?
That's amazing.
924
00:43:48,848 --> 00:43:51,782
Yep. Uh. Yeah,
I'm all wifed up, you know.
925
00:43:51,784 --> 00:43:55,085
Same bullshit stories every
night, "Blah, blah, blah.
926
00:43:55,087 --> 00:43:58,055
We should really get
a puppy, blah, blah, blah.
927
00:43:58,057 --> 00:44:00,090
We need to make more
decisions together,"
928
00:44:00,092 --> 00:44:01,892
you know,
like, all that bullshit,
929
00:44:01,894 --> 00:44:04,795
wife, husband stuff, you know.
930
00:44:04,797 --> 00:44:05,963
[woman] I like that.
931
00:44:07,333 --> 00:44:10,167
-You do?
-Yeah, it's hot.
932
00:44:10,169 --> 00:44:12,903
You have a wife.
[chuckling] Woo!
933
00:44:12,905 --> 00:44:14,304
Can I see the ring?
934
00:44:14,306 --> 00:44:16,874
[upbeat rock music]
935
00:44:21,747 --> 00:44:23,881
Wait, is your wife home?
936
00:44:23,883 --> 00:44:25,382
Huh, is your wife home?
937
00:44:25,384 --> 00:44:27,184
-[Harper] I don't--
-Yeah.
938
00:44:27,186 --> 00:44:29,286
-Jackpot!
-Whoa!
939
00:44:30,289 --> 00:44:33,057
I've done everything for you
and you won't even officially
move in here with me.
940
00:44:33,059 --> 00:44:35,859
I'm here all the time,
I basically live here.
941
00:44:35,861 --> 00:44:37,461
That's bullshit.
And you know what?
You don't have a problem
942
00:44:37,463 --> 00:44:39,396
making decisions,
you're just a little bitch.
943
00:44:39,398 --> 00:44:41,765
And I am not staying on this
disgusting piece of shit boat
944
00:44:41,767 --> 00:44:44,068
with you and that psycho
for one more second.
945
00:44:44,070 --> 00:44:46,203
[woman moaning]
946
00:44:46,205 --> 00:44:48,005
[woman heavily breathing]
947
00:44:48,007 --> 00:44:50,441
He's not a psycho, okay?
He's just a little special.
948
00:44:50,443 --> 00:44:52,843
He washes his underwear
in the blender
949
00:44:52,845 --> 00:44:54,278
and then he microwaves them dry.
950
00:44:56,182 --> 00:44:57,281
Mm-hmm.
951
00:44:59,051 --> 00:45:01,118
[woman heavily breathing]
952
00:45:03,389 --> 00:45:05,889
He's disgusting, his toilet
doesn't have a seat on it.
953
00:45:05,891 --> 00:45:07,357
That's because
he's a minimalist.
954
00:45:07,359 --> 00:45:09,026
It's a style choice, babe.
955
00:45:09,028 --> 00:45:10,928
He can't say his own name.
956
00:45:10,930 --> 00:45:12,463
I heard everything
you just said.
957
00:45:13,099 --> 00:45:14,431
-I don't care.
-She did not mean it, man.
958
00:45:14,433 --> 00:45:16,033
-Yes, I did.
-She was just kidding around.
959
00:45:16,035 --> 00:45:17,801
Uh, yeah, she did,
she meant every single word.
960
00:45:17,803 --> 00:45:19,937
Guess what? How do you like
this one, I want a divorce.
961
00:45:19,939 --> 00:45:22,439
Oh, no, no,
if you get a divorce,
962
00:45:22,441 --> 00:45:24,241
I'm going to have to bounce.
963
00:45:24,243 --> 00:45:27,277
-Single guys are so clingy.
-[chuckling]
964
00:45:27,279 --> 00:45:29,346
Let's put a cork
in the divorce thing
965
00:45:29,348 --> 00:45:32,783
for a minute, because I can
tell we'll work this out, right?
966
00:45:32,785 --> 00:45:36,186
-You're so hot.
-I'm so sick of
people saying that.
967
00:45:36,188 --> 00:45:38,856
-Boom.
-Oh, my God.
968
00:45:38,858 --> 00:45:42,025
Jesus, Doug, I'm really going
out on a limb here for you, man.
969
00:45:42,027 --> 00:45:45,262
That's a lot of cocaine.
That's very illegal.
970
00:45:45,264 --> 00:45:48,499
That's, like, a really illegal
amount of cocaine, Doug.
971
00:45:48,501 --> 00:45:51,435
It is not illegal, we are on
international waters,
972
00:45:51,437 --> 00:45:53,937
-your laws can't touch me.
-We're three feet off
the fucking dock.
973
00:45:53,939 --> 00:45:57,074
-Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
-We are? Oh, shit.
974
00:45:57,076 --> 00:45:59,810
Sorry, that was a really
fucked up thing for me to do.
975
00:45:59,812 --> 00:46:01,979
Uh, we just won't do any
cocaine for right now.
976
00:46:01,981 --> 00:46:03,480
You know what?
I'm moving out, so have fun.
977
00:46:03,482 --> 00:46:05,816
-No, where's she going?
-Party pooper.
978
00:46:08,053 --> 00:46:09,520
Please don't leave like this.
979
00:46:09,522 --> 00:46:11,288
Good job, Harper, she just left.
980
00:46:13,492 --> 00:46:16,260
Nice to see you, Mrs. Lapinski.
We would have dropped by sooner,
981
00:46:16,262 --> 00:46:18,796
but it's very hard to
track down a houseboat.
982
00:46:18,798 --> 00:46:21,999
-Where you headed off too, hmm?
-I'm actually going
on my honeymoon,
983
00:46:22,001 --> 00:46:24,434
by myself down the road
to the Holiday Inn.
'Cause they a room without
984
00:46:24,436 --> 00:46:26,470
a masturbating rat,
so I'm going to take that.
985
00:46:26,472 --> 00:46:27,938
But if you want
to interview my husband
986
00:46:27,940 --> 00:46:30,207
you totally can,
'cause he's not invited, so.
987
00:46:30,209 --> 00:46:32,309
They're just going
through a rough patch.
988
00:46:32,311 --> 00:46:34,311
Everything's going to be okay.
989
00:46:35,114 --> 00:46:38,215
-Who the hell are you?
-Me? I'm their
marriage counselor.
990
00:46:38,217 --> 00:46:40,884
[chuckling] You must be great.
991
00:46:40,886 --> 00:46:44,221
-That was sarcasm,
you look twelve.
-[Douglas laughing]
992
00:46:44,223 --> 00:46:46,890
Very interesting.
Not one picture of you
as a married couple.
993
00:46:46,892 --> 00:46:48,492
Yeah, you think I want to
take a picture with this turd?
994
00:46:48,494 --> 00:46:50,594
I've taken pictures with turds
995
00:46:50,596 --> 00:46:53,263
-and they don't look
anything like me.
-Feelings, arguing,
996
00:46:53,265 --> 00:46:54,898
that's good,
these are good things.
997
00:46:54,900 --> 00:46:55,966
You know, it's therapeutic.
998
00:46:55,968 --> 00:46:57,367
Doug, why don't you go ahead
999
00:46:57,369 --> 00:46:59,002
and let Harper
know how you feel?
1000
00:47:02,274 --> 00:47:05,075
I hate you, you're cruel
and you're insensitive.
1001
00:47:05,578 --> 00:47:07,978
-[Ross] Well done.
-[Douglas sighing]
1002
00:47:07,980 --> 00:47:09,980
-Felt great.
-Good, good.
1003
00:47:09,982 --> 00:47:12,349
-You see? Progress.
-Progress for
a marriage counselor,
1004
00:47:12,351 --> 00:47:16,453
but not for us. See, couples
living apart is big reg flag.
1005
00:47:16,455 --> 00:47:18,422
What is it, your job to
make people get a divorce?
1006
00:47:18,424 --> 00:47:21,491
No, it's my job to inform you
1007
00:47:21,493 --> 00:47:23,861
that marriage fraud
is a very serious offense.
1008
00:47:23,863 --> 00:47:26,897
-Up to eight to ten years.
-Maybe even nine.
1009
00:47:26,899 --> 00:47:29,633
Shut up! So, if you want to tell
us anything, you tell us now.
1010
00:47:29,635 --> 00:47:31,068
I eat plants.
1011
00:47:31,570 --> 00:47:34,137
Huh? You tell us right now!
1012
00:47:35,274 --> 00:47:38,475
Now, you tell us!
Now, you tell us.
1013
00:47:38,477 --> 00:47:41,011
-Okay, this was all my--
-It's all real, it's all real.
1014
00:47:41,013 --> 00:47:43,247
I mean, it's real,
there's no marriage fraud here.
1015
00:47:43,249 --> 00:47:45,382
I mean, this-- You know what
they say, that you can only hate
1016
00:47:45,384 --> 00:47:47,050
the ones that you love, right?
1017
00:47:47,052 --> 00:47:49,353
-No.
-Well, I really hate Doug!
1018
00:47:54,627 --> 00:47:57,961
-Something very wrong here
and we're going to find it out.
-We are going to find it.
1019
00:47:57,963 --> 00:47:58,962
-We find everything.
-Back off.
1020
00:47:58,964 --> 00:47:59,930
Okay.
1021
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:02,499
Have a lovely day.
1022
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:09,907
Eight to ten years.
1023
00:48:09,909 --> 00:48:12,142
Jesus, that's like
all of High School.
1024
00:48:12,144 --> 00:48:15,078
I'm so sorry, Harper,
this is all my fault.
1025
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,380
I'm just going to go
back to Canada.
1026
00:48:16,382 --> 00:48:18,215
Don't do that.
1027
00:48:18,217 --> 00:48:20,183
Why should I stay here?
Like, why should I?
1028
00:48:20,185 --> 00:48:21,685
I've done literally everything
for this relationship,
1029
00:48:21,687 --> 00:48:23,587
you have not done anything.
1030
00:48:23,589 --> 00:48:28,058
I'm going to--
I'm going to change.
1031
00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:29,393
Okay, I don't believe you.
1032
00:48:29,395 --> 00:48:31,228
I'm going to, I have to,
1033
00:48:31,230 --> 00:48:33,063
because if I don't
I'm going to lose you.
1034
00:48:33,065 --> 00:48:35,165
Hey, I'm sorry it took me
so long to realize
1035
00:48:35,167 --> 00:48:37,301
how important you are
and how lucky I am to have you.
1036
00:48:37,303 --> 00:48:41,338
But I know that now,
okay, I'm gonna change.
1037
00:48:42,541 --> 00:48:45,976
Well, what are we going to do
about the INS, though, like,
they're completely onto us.
1038
00:48:45,978 --> 00:48:49,012
I'll figure it out.
You know, I'll make it work.
1039
00:48:49,014 --> 00:48:51,315
I'll, I'll make this look
like a legit marriage.
1040
00:48:54,219 --> 00:48:56,286
-No.
-No?
1041
00:48:57,489 --> 00:48:58,622
No.
1042
00:48:59,625 --> 00:49:00,557
Why?
1043
00:49:02,194 --> 00:49:03,961
I don't know, 'cause, like,
"Sometimes people
1044
00:49:03,963 --> 00:49:05,963
just feel like saying no."
1045
00:49:05,965 --> 00:49:07,664
All right, okay,
I see what you're doing.
1046
00:49:07,666 --> 00:49:09,333
That's my impression
of you saying no.
1047
00:49:09,335 --> 00:49:11,401
I got that it was your
impression of me. You know,
1048
00:49:11,403 --> 00:49:13,537
every time a woman
does an impression of me,
1049
00:49:13,539 --> 00:49:16,640
it's never,
[deep voice mumbling]
1050
00:49:16,642 --> 00:49:18,742
like they do of most guys.
It's always...
1051
00:49:18,744 --> 00:49:20,978
[high pitch mumbling]
1052
00:49:20,980 --> 00:49:23,413
-'Cause it's
the appropriate octave.
-It is the right octave.
1053
00:49:23,749 --> 00:49:25,682
I deserve it, I'm sorry.
1054
00:49:26,352 --> 00:49:30,087
I promise, Harper, if you stay,
I'll make this all work out.
1055
00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:33,490
Don't make me regret this.
1056
00:49:33,492 --> 00:49:35,025
Okay, I won't.
1057
00:49:36,095 --> 00:49:38,161
[upbeat music]
1058
00:49:38,163 --> 00:49:39,663
[Harper] I got to give it to Ross.
1059
00:49:40,366 --> 00:49:42,466
He moved in, and he started to put, like,
1060
00:49:42,468 --> 00:49:44,668
a ton of thought into how to fool the INS.
1061
00:49:44,670 --> 00:49:47,671
-[camera clicking]
-And I mean a lot of thought.
1062
00:49:49,008 --> 00:49:50,374
Maybe too much.
1063
00:49:50,376 --> 00:49:52,442
[Ross] We're not
adopting anybody.
1064
00:49:52,444 --> 00:49:55,245
Okay? We're just going
to come here, fill out
some paperwork,
1065
00:49:55,247 --> 00:49:58,048
leave a trail for customs
and then bail, that's it.
1066
00:49:58,050 --> 00:50:01,618
-I don't want to get any
of these kids hopes up.
-Oh, hi, hi there!
1067
00:50:01,620 --> 00:50:03,186
How'd you like to meet
some of the children.
1068
00:50:03,188 --> 00:50:05,322
Come on, kids, line up,
everybody, line up.
1069
00:50:05,324 --> 00:50:07,491
No, we just wanted to fill out,
like, the preliminary paperwork.
1070
00:50:07,493 --> 00:50:09,359
Oh, this will only
take a second.
1071
00:50:09,361 --> 00:50:11,762
Say, "Hi, visitors."
1072
00:50:11,764 --> 00:50:13,730
[kids] Hi, visitors.
1073
00:50:13,732 --> 00:50:17,067
[camera clicking]
1074
00:50:17,069 --> 00:50:20,570
-No, no, no.
-Can we do some where, um,
you guys look like a couple
1075
00:50:20,572 --> 00:50:22,105
who's trying to start a family.
1076
00:50:23,475 --> 00:50:25,475
We don't do that kind
of photography here,
1077
00:50:26,245 --> 00:50:28,045
but if you come
back to my place,
1078
00:50:28,580 --> 00:50:30,714
I'll show you
the wide angle lens.
1079
00:50:31,483 --> 00:50:35,185
And this is Natalie,
she is recently available
1080
00:50:35,187 --> 00:50:36,686
and a very spirited young lady.
1081
00:50:36,688 --> 00:50:39,489
Aw, hi, Natalie.
1082
00:50:39,491 --> 00:50:41,525
I'm Harper, and this
is my husband, Doug.
1083
00:50:42,094 --> 00:50:44,094
You two don't look married.
1084
00:50:44,463 --> 00:50:46,730
Well, they are married, so.
1085
00:50:47,332 --> 00:50:48,231
I don't think they are.
1086
00:50:49,301 --> 00:50:50,834
Yeah, they are.
1087
00:50:50,836 --> 00:50:53,470
-No, they're not.
-They are, okay.
1088
00:50:53,472 --> 00:50:55,605
What do you know?
You're just a kid.
1089
00:50:55,607 --> 00:50:58,708
I know chemistry,
and you two don't have it.
1090
00:50:58,710 --> 00:50:59,709
Who the fuck are you?
1091
00:50:59,711 --> 00:51:01,178
[gasping]
1092
00:51:01,180 --> 00:51:03,713
I'm Ross, who are you?
1093
00:51:03,715 --> 00:51:06,650
I'm the girl who knows some
shady shit is going on here.
1094
00:51:06,652 --> 00:51:09,252
[upbeat music]
1095
00:51:09,588 --> 00:51:12,155
[camera snapping]
1096
00:51:20,332 --> 00:51:22,365
[gentle music]
1097
00:51:34,313 --> 00:51:36,480
Thanks for doing
literally all of the work.
1098
00:51:36,482 --> 00:51:37,848
[chuckling] You're welcome.
1099
00:51:38,450 --> 00:51:40,550
-This looks really good.
-Thank you.
1100
00:51:40,552 --> 00:51:43,687
Yeah, you should, uh,
add this to your cookbook.
1101
00:51:43,689 --> 00:51:45,355
[chuckling] What cookbook?
1102
00:51:45,824 --> 00:51:47,624
The one you're going
to write someday.
1103
00:51:47,626 --> 00:51:49,793
[gentle music]
1104
00:51:49,795 --> 00:51:52,796
-What is this?
-[chuckling] Just
something I got you.
1105
00:51:53,499 --> 00:51:55,332
All you got to do is
fill in the pages.
1106
00:51:55,334 --> 00:51:57,434
Ross, this is amazing,
I love it.
1107
00:51:59,304 --> 00:52:00,470
And I love you.
1108
00:52:03,842 --> 00:52:06,276
[chuckling] Did you
just say I love you?
1109
00:52:06,278 --> 00:52:08,311
-I did.
-Did you just say I love you?
1110
00:52:09,515 --> 00:52:12,415
Sorry, sorry, I love you too.
1111
00:52:13,218 --> 00:52:15,418
Phew, okay.
1112
00:52:15,420 --> 00:52:17,320
-Now we should kiss.
-Mm-hmm.
1113
00:52:28,901 --> 00:52:31,434
[suspenseful music]
1114
00:52:42,414 --> 00:52:44,447
[upbeat music]
1115
00:52:46,351 --> 00:52:47,384
Oh, shit.
1116
00:52:48,554 --> 00:52:50,387
Move over, I'm coming in.
1117
00:52:50,389 --> 00:52:52,289
-Get the fuck out of here, man.
-What are you doing?
1118
00:52:52,291 --> 00:52:54,257
There's agents out
there watching you two
1119
00:52:54,259 --> 00:52:55,959
-whores obviously copulating.
-Fuck!
1120
00:52:55,961 --> 00:52:58,528
Now, we only have one choice.
1121
00:52:58,530 --> 00:52:59,796
We have to make it
look like a threesome.
1122
00:53:00,933 --> 00:53:02,933
-Doug, no.
-Yeah.
1123
00:53:02,935 --> 00:53:03,967
No.
1124
00:53:06,805 --> 00:53:08,738
-[Ross] No, no!
-Let's do it, baby.
1125
00:53:08,740 --> 00:53:13,610
No, no, no, no, no, no! No! No!
Stay the fuck away, man!
1126
00:53:13,612 --> 00:53:15,545
All right, well, I just
want to go on the record,
that this does not
1127
00:53:15,547 --> 00:53:17,314
look like a threesome,
we're all going to jail.
1128
00:53:17,316 --> 00:53:19,783
Geez, it's ridiculous.
1129
00:53:21,787 --> 00:53:24,321
They're fucking taking
pictures, right now.
1130
00:53:24,323 --> 00:53:26,289
Come on! Do something!
1131
00:53:26,858 --> 00:53:28,892
-Do something, pussy!
-Fuck it.
1132
00:53:28,894 --> 00:53:30,760
-Fuck it what?
-Let's do it.
1133
00:53:30,762 --> 00:53:31,861
Come on, let's go.
1134
00:53:32,998 --> 00:53:35,966
Come on, kiss me, come here.
1135
00:53:38,470 --> 00:53:40,770
Um, this, this still doesn't
look like a threesome.
1136
00:53:43,342 --> 00:53:46,309
No, no! Oh! [mumbling]
1137
00:53:49,314 --> 00:53:51,548
-What the fuck?
-What the fuck?
1138
00:53:53,285 --> 00:53:56,886
-What the fuck, man!
-You pressed your tits
against me, what do you expect?
1139
00:53:56,888 --> 00:53:59,789
-So?
-So, I get a boner,
I feel tits, I get a boner.
1140
00:53:59,791 --> 00:54:03,493
-It's totally natural.
-Don't you fucking blame
your boner on me, man!
1141
00:54:03,495 --> 00:54:04,828
I mean, do you guys
even need me here?
1142
00:54:04,830 --> 00:54:06,763
Hey, they're taking
pictures of us right now,
1143
00:54:06,765 --> 00:54:08,331
-so you better give me
that belly button.
-No!
1144
00:54:08,333 --> 00:54:10,367
-Fuck that shit.
-No, God!
1145
00:54:10,769 --> 00:54:12,535
Is he fucking his belly button?
1146
00:54:12,938 --> 00:54:15,805
Oh, God, no! God, no!
1147
00:54:18,443 --> 00:54:21,711
I should be mad at you
'cause technically
you cheated on me.
1148
00:54:21,713 --> 00:54:23,847
-My belly button's
been deflowered.
-[chuckling]
1149
00:54:24,716 --> 00:54:27,651
But he did save us,
so you can't really be that mad.
1150
00:54:28,887 --> 00:54:30,020
I guess.
1151
00:54:30,756 --> 00:54:33,056
-[lips smacking]
-Ah! What the fuck, man!
1152
00:54:33,058 --> 00:54:34,791
-What?
-You just kissed me.
1153
00:54:34,793 --> 00:54:36,426
Ah, come on, don't be prude.
1154
00:54:36,895 --> 00:54:38,795
Hey, I know how
you two can repay me
1155
00:54:38,797 --> 00:54:40,363
for that genius
threesome idea I had.
1156
00:54:40,365 --> 00:54:41,831
By buying you pants?
1157
00:54:43,769 --> 00:54:47,470
The annual Lidinski family
reunion is tomorrow.
1158
00:54:47,472 --> 00:54:49,906
There's going to be
Lipinskis flying in
1159
00:54:49,908 --> 00:54:51,441
from all over the country.
1160
00:54:52,377 --> 00:54:55,011
I'm a little nervous,
but the idea of going with
1161
00:54:55,013 --> 00:54:59,749
a looker, such as my wife,
and watching four generations
of Lidinskis
1162
00:54:59,751 --> 00:55:01,918
shit their pants
is kind of appealing to me,
1163
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:03,486
you know what I mean?
1164
00:55:03,488 --> 00:55:05,588
So, what do you say,
let's do it.
1165
00:55:07,359 --> 00:55:08,758
You know what, Doug, I think
it's the least we can do.
1166
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:11,428
-I'll totally go.
-Yes, yeah.
1167
00:55:13,432 --> 00:55:15,432
I'm a way better slow dancer
when I have a partner.
1168
00:55:15,434 --> 00:55:17,534
[chuckling] Cool.
1169
00:55:17,536 --> 00:55:19,969
-You gotta come.
-Yeah.
1170
00:55:19,971 --> 00:55:21,504
-No.
-Stop.
1171
00:55:21,940 --> 00:55:23,907
Your brother's going
to kick my ass if I go.
1172
00:55:23,909 --> 00:55:25,809
No, he won't.
1173
00:55:25,811 --> 00:55:27,944
Smooth it over with my mom,
ask her to dance,
1174
00:55:27,946 --> 00:55:29,813
call me an idiot. You'll be back
1175
00:55:29,815 --> 00:55:31,881
in the family circle of
trust before you know it.
1176
00:55:36,521 --> 00:55:38,521
-[blowing]
-Fine, I'll go.
1177
00:55:38,523 --> 00:55:40,623
-[rock music]
-Yes.
1178
00:55:40,625 --> 00:55:42,726
Now, put on some god damn pants.
1179
00:55:42,728 --> 00:55:43,760
Not a chance.
1180
00:55:49,401 --> 00:55:52,068
There you are,
with your beautiful wife.
1181
00:55:52,637 --> 00:55:54,838
-I'm so proud of you.
-Thanks, Mom!
1182
00:55:55,774 --> 00:55:57,974
Hello, Miss Lipinski.
1183
00:55:57,976 --> 00:55:59,042
You look amazing.
1184
00:56:01,012 --> 00:56:04,647
Um, I'm really sorry about
how I acted at the wedding.
1185
00:56:05,016 --> 00:56:06,149
You were being a douche.
1186
00:56:06,718 --> 00:56:08,818
I was being a total douche.
1187
00:56:08,820 --> 00:56:11,521
Um, I was thinking, maybe
I could make it up to you
1188
00:56:11,523 --> 00:56:12,155
by asking you to dance?
1189
00:56:16,428 --> 00:56:17,160
All right.
1190
00:56:17,162 --> 00:56:19,129
[suspenseful music]
1191
00:56:22,134 --> 00:56:23,533
Hi, how's it going?
1192
00:56:24,102 --> 00:56:27,604
You'll get this back
when you've earned it.
1193
00:56:27,606 --> 00:56:29,706
There are too many trees around.
1194
00:56:32,077 --> 00:56:33,410
A lot of trees.
1195
00:56:34,780 --> 00:56:36,846
You want to go for a dance?
1196
00:56:38,617 --> 00:56:40,083
[belt creaking]
1197
00:56:41,019 --> 00:56:44,053
[upbeat country music]
1198
00:56:47,125 --> 00:56:49,759
¶ Should of been gone ¶
1199
00:56:49,761 --> 00:56:51,194
¶ By now ¶
1200
00:56:52,697 --> 00:56:54,431
¶ I Don't know why... ¶
1201
00:56:54,433 --> 00:56:55,632
[hand smacking]
1202
00:56:55,634 --> 00:56:56,900
You step on my foot,
1203
00:56:56,902 --> 00:56:58,902
the next one won't be so gentle.
1204
00:56:58,904 --> 00:57:00,603
Eyes on your partner.
1205
00:57:01,673 --> 00:57:03,873
-Yes, ma'am.
-[sighing]
1206
00:57:04,509 --> 00:57:06,776
Ah, man, this is great.
1207
00:57:07,479 --> 00:57:11,147
Oh, shit, there's Crystal
McAllister, in the flesh.
1208
00:57:11,149 --> 00:57:12,849
Quick, take this off,
you look slutty.
1209
00:57:12,851 --> 00:57:16,186
Ow, God, why do you care,
who's Crystal?
1210
00:57:16,188 --> 00:57:17,787
Isn't she, like,
your High School crush,
1211
00:57:17,789 --> 00:57:19,989
-why is she even here?
-She's my cousin.
1212
00:57:19,991 --> 00:57:21,858
-What?
-Yeah, I know.
1213
00:57:21,860 --> 00:57:23,226
You'd think it'd make
it easier, right?
1214
00:57:23,228 --> 00:57:25,628
But it's surprisingly tough.
1215
00:57:25,630 --> 00:57:26,729
I don't really even know
what to say right now.
1216
00:57:26,731 --> 00:57:29,499
-Say you'll be my wing wife.
-No!
1217
00:57:29,868 --> 00:57:33,036
-We're not related by blood.
-I don't believe you, I think
you want to fuck your cousin.
1218
00:57:33,038 --> 00:57:35,605
-No, she married my cousin.
-Why isn't he here?
1219
00:57:35,607 --> 00:57:39,142
He died on a boating accident
with his secret family.
1220
00:57:39,144 --> 00:57:41,077
I don't know, that's just weird.
1221
00:57:41,079 --> 00:57:42,946
Holy shit, she's coming
over here, just act normal.
1222
00:57:42,948 --> 00:57:44,681
Oh, my God.
1223
00:57:44,683 --> 00:57:48,585
Doug, oh, my God! [laughing]
1224
00:57:49,554 --> 00:57:50,687
Hey.
1225
00:57:50,689 --> 00:57:53,223
[laughing]
1226
00:57:53,225 --> 00:57:55,592
You must be Doug's wife?
1227
00:57:55,594 --> 00:57:59,262
That's me, this is
the best husband ever.
1228
00:57:59,264 --> 00:58:00,964
I could've guessed that.
1229
00:58:00,966 --> 00:58:03,633
The notes that he used
to pass me in class
1230
00:58:03,635 --> 00:58:06,803
were always so creepy, but they
had the sweetest undertones.
1231
00:58:06,805 --> 00:58:09,172
You picked up sweet undertones?
1232
00:58:09,174 --> 00:58:11,975
'Cause my thoughts were
entirely creepy. [laughing]
1233
00:58:11,977 --> 00:58:14,844
[all laughing]
1234
00:58:14,846 --> 00:58:17,247
[Doug laughing alone]
1235
00:58:19,117 --> 00:58:20,216
Well...
1236
00:58:21,086 --> 00:58:22,652
it was so great
to see you, Doug.
1237
00:58:26,157 --> 00:58:28,191
-And, and a pleasure
to meet you.
-You too.
1238
00:58:29,628 --> 00:58:32,028
[mimics camera clicking]
1239
00:58:34,533 --> 00:58:35,832
[nervously chuckling]
1240
00:58:37,869 --> 00:58:39,002
Please stop.
1241
00:58:42,107 --> 00:58:44,007
Thank you so much.
1242
00:58:44,009 --> 00:58:45,241
-[mimics camera clicking]
-Don't.
1243
00:58:46,745 --> 00:58:48,177
[mimics camera clicking]
1244
00:58:48,179 --> 00:58:50,046
[gentle country music]
1245
00:58:52,217 --> 00:58:55,685
-Why do you keep staring
at me like that?
-You told me to look at you!
1246
00:58:55,687 --> 00:58:58,121
I told you to look at your
partner, not eye fuck her!
1247
00:58:58,123 --> 00:59:01,591
I'm just looking at you,
there's no eye fucking
going on here.
1248
00:59:01,593 --> 00:59:03,793
You need to go throw some
cold water on your face,
1249
00:59:03,795 --> 00:59:05,895
back down that eye horny.
1250
00:59:07,198 --> 00:59:11,234
-Why don't we get a drink.
-Oh, you want to liquor
me up, you rapey fuck.
1251
00:59:11,236 --> 00:59:13,136
Stay the fuck away
from my mom, man.
1252
00:59:13,138 --> 00:59:15,204
Stay the fuck away
from her, okay?
1253
00:59:15,206 --> 00:59:18,675
You know what?
Here's your belt, bro, go nuts!
1254
00:59:22,847 --> 00:59:23,913
[fingers snapping]
1255
00:59:26,051 --> 00:59:27,750
-[Douglas] Hey, you see
that guy right there?
-Yeah.
1256
00:59:27,752 --> 00:59:29,752
That's Paul, he's the
coolest guy in my family.
1257
00:59:29,754 --> 00:59:32,221
Doug, thought you'd be
in jail or rehab by now.
1258
00:59:32,223 --> 00:59:34,157
How the hell did you pull her?
1259
00:59:34,159 --> 00:59:35,959
'Cause he's got the dick
the size of an elephant trunk.
1260
00:59:35,961 --> 00:59:37,627
And he's a very active listener.
1261
00:59:39,631 --> 00:59:41,297
Wow, Doug, nice work, man.
1262
00:59:42,267 --> 00:59:43,666
So, you're married, Paul?
1263
00:59:44,836 --> 00:59:48,071
Uh, yeah,
she's over there. Honey!
1264
00:59:48,073 --> 00:59:49,706
-Ugh, enough, God!
-[people cheering]
1265
00:59:49,708 --> 00:59:52,709
Crush, crush, crush!
1266
00:59:52,711 --> 00:59:54,677
Oh, yeah, that was perfect!
1267
00:59:54,679 --> 00:59:57,780
-Can you come over here?
-Fuck you!
1268
00:59:57,782 --> 00:59:59,882
-[crushing can]
-[people cheering]
1269
00:59:59,884 --> 01:00:02,785
-Fuck you, man, fuck you!
-Fuck you.
1270
01:00:02,787 --> 01:00:04,921
-[people cheering]
-[Paul's wife] Take
the can and go home!
1271
01:00:04,923 --> 01:00:07,323
She crushed a whole
30-pack last night.
1272
01:00:08,259 --> 01:00:12,095
Anyways, congratulations,
you guys look really happy.
1273
01:00:12,097 --> 01:00:13,796
I'm going to go.
1274
01:00:13,798 --> 01:00:16,232
Oh, God, I love being
married to you.
1275
01:00:16,234 --> 01:00:18,635
I love it, I love it, I love it!
1276
01:00:18,637 --> 01:00:20,737
[laughing] Yes!
1277
01:00:21,706 --> 01:00:24,374
You know, Doug, I love
being married to you too.
1278
01:00:24,376 --> 01:00:27,010
And this whole thing
has actually brought Ross
and I a lot closer together.
1279
01:00:27,012 --> 01:00:28,745
So cheers, to us.
1280
01:00:29,214 --> 01:00:30,246
To us.
1281
01:00:32,117 --> 01:00:33,249
[gentle music]
1282
01:00:33,251 --> 01:00:35,184
Oh, thank you.
1283
01:00:35,186 --> 01:00:37,153
-Well, we lucked out with you.
-[Harper laughing]
1284
01:00:37,155 --> 01:00:38,187
You guys want one?
1285
01:00:47,966 --> 01:00:51,167
Rossy, she's amazing,
what a great girl.
1286
01:00:51,870 --> 01:00:54,037
I know, man,
I was just thinking that.
1287
01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:58,408
God, I mean, look at this,
look where we are right now.
1288
01:00:58,410 --> 01:01:00,276
You know? I mean, look at all
she's done for me.
1289
01:01:00,278 --> 01:01:03,046
Oh, careful. [laughing]
1290
01:01:03,048 --> 01:01:05,148
In all this craziness,
it's really made me realize
1291
01:01:05,150 --> 01:01:06,382
how I feel about her.
1292
01:01:08,019 --> 01:01:09,318
I'm going to propose
to her soon.
1293
01:01:11,389 --> 01:01:14,023
And thank you,
thank you so much...
1294
01:01:14,025 --> 01:01:18,127
¶ Don't waste your time I know the story ¶
1295
01:01:21,266 --> 01:01:25,768
¶ Heard you tell so many times ¶
1296
01:01:29,708 --> 01:01:32,475
I think I'm going to go ask her
to dance, brother sister style.
1297
01:01:32,477 --> 01:01:33,743
Watch my corn?
1298
01:01:37,048 --> 01:01:41,317
¶ Hiding behind Those empty eyes ¶
1299
01:01:41,319 --> 01:01:42,785
-Hey, sis.
-Hey.
1300
01:01:42,787 --> 01:01:44,087
Would you like to dance?
1301
01:01:45,857 --> 01:01:50,493
¶ Rain clouds And heavy heartbeats ¶
1302
01:01:53,098 --> 01:01:55,498
¶ Waiting for change... ¶
1303
01:01:55,500 --> 01:01:57,433
Oh, Weezy, not today.
1304
01:02:00,338 --> 01:02:05,441
¶ But you're going to do ¶
1305
01:02:06,978 --> 01:02:08,511
¶ What you want to ¶
1306
01:02:14,385 --> 01:02:16,886
¶ Oh, what you want to ¶
1307
01:02:16,888 --> 01:02:18,254
[distant chattering]
1308
01:02:18,256 --> 01:02:21,057
-After you.
-Merci beaucoup.
1309
01:02:21,793 --> 01:02:22,925
Yo.
1310
01:02:24,462 --> 01:02:27,029
-Everything okay, Doug?
-Yeah, uh, sure.
1311
01:02:27,432 --> 01:02:31,300
-What's that?
-This? It's nothing,
nothing at all.
1312
01:02:31,302 --> 01:02:33,770
What is this,
what are you hiding?
Is this a love note for Crystal?
1313
01:02:33,772 --> 01:02:36,973
Oh, fuck, what the fuck, Doug!
1314
01:02:36,975 --> 01:02:40,409
I threw that away!
Babe, I am so sorry, okay?
1315
01:02:40,411 --> 01:02:43,846
-I wrote that a long time ago.
-Cool, so, I married
a whack job for you
1316
01:02:43,848 --> 01:02:45,848
and you made a list of things
you don't like about me.
1317
01:02:45,850 --> 01:02:48,785
Pros too,
look at all those pros.
1318
01:02:48,787 --> 01:02:51,287
-[Douglas] Whack job
is very offensive.
-You shut the fuck up, Doug!
1319
01:02:51,289 --> 01:02:53,956
"My ravioli is too cheesy.
1320
01:02:53,958 --> 01:02:56,959
I like Dubstep, is from Canada.
1321
01:02:56,961 --> 01:03:01,264
Has kissed men before me,
nipples are too dark,
1322
01:03:01,266 --> 01:03:04,200
I have big knuckles," I don't.
"I like you too much."
1323
01:03:04,202 --> 01:03:06,836
Okay, cool, well,
you don't have to worry
about that anymore, Ross.
1324
01:03:06,838 --> 01:03:09,338
-Fuck you.
-Okay, that was a long time ago.
1325
01:03:09,340 --> 01:03:13,009
All right?
I don't even understand
what any of that means now.
1326
01:03:13,011 --> 01:03:15,878
You think it's okay
to just construct a list
of somebody's flaws.
1327
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,414
-No, it was stupid.
-Okay, cool, let me
try it for you then.
1328
01:03:18,416 --> 01:03:22,084
Um, you can't decide on
anything, you don't even
have a cell phone plan,
1329
01:03:22,086 --> 01:03:25,188
-'cause you're a pussy.
-Okay, wow.
1330
01:03:25,190 --> 01:03:27,890
Your legs are way too long
and your torso is super short.
1331
01:03:27,892 --> 01:03:30,326
You have a southern accent
and you're from Baltimore.
1332
01:03:30,328 --> 01:03:32,461
When you smile, it looks like
you have a piano in your mouth,
1333
01:03:32,463 --> 01:03:35,198
and your face is so
fucking generic and bland
1334
01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:37,500
I can't even describe what
you look like to my friends.
1335
01:03:37,502 --> 01:03:39,569
Your hair always looks like
you just took a bike helmet off.
1336
01:03:39,571 --> 01:03:42,338
And your dick looks like
it's half circumcised,
I don't understand it.
1337
01:03:42,340 --> 01:03:44,941
You're not funny,
and you do have man boobs, Ross,
1338
01:03:44,943 --> 01:03:48,377
I know I said that you don't,
but you fucking do,
and they're huge, titty boy!
1339
01:03:50,915 --> 01:03:54,483
Okay, I'm glad we got
that off our chest.
1340
01:03:56,855 --> 01:03:59,355
Listen, Harper,
I just wasn't sure.
1341
01:03:59,357 --> 01:04:02,158
Sure, I know you weren't sure.
You don't have to be
sure anymore, Ross,
1342
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:04,927
'cause this is fucking over.
So, get the fuck out.
1343
01:04:04,929 --> 01:04:07,930
-You too, get out.
-But this is my houseboat.
1344
01:04:07,932 --> 01:04:09,298
Get out!
1345
01:04:09,868 --> 01:04:11,133
-Please let me--
-Get out!
1346
01:04:11,603 --> 01:04:13,236
And Dubstep is fun.
1347
01:04:14,505 --> 01:04:17,240
[gentle music]
1348
01:04:42,967 --> 01:04:45,034
I can't believe
my marriage is over.
1349
01:04:45,403 --> 01:04:48,137
Do you think she's going
to take 50% of the houseboat?
1350
01:04:48,139 --> 01:04:50,573
-Would joint custody--
-Are you kidding me, man?
1351
01:04:52,176 --> 01:04:55,378
I love her, you just ruined it.
1352
01:04:55,380 --> 01:04:58,214
-Why would you do that to me?
-I'm sorry, I just
kind of freaked out.
1353
01:04:58,216 --> 01:05:00,316
You know, when people
saw me with Harper,
1354
01:05:00,318 --> 01:05:03,386
a girl that beautiful and that
smart, and she would marry me,
1355
01:05:03,388 --> 01:05:06,289
I mean, I felt incredible.
I finally felt like
I could tell my mom,
1356
01:05:06,291 --> 01:05:10,026
"Fuck you, I'm not a loser,
you're wrong about me."
1357
01:05:10,028 --> 01:05:13,296
I got you into all this, man,
this isn't your fault.
1358
01:05:13,298 --> 01:05:16,933
You know, you need to stand up
to her, man, your mom's a dick.
1359
01:05:16,935 --> 01:05:20,436
She should be proud of you.
Sometimes I wish I was like you.
1360
01:05:20,438 --> 01:05:24,006
You know, maybe if I was like
you, all this fucking bullshit
1361
01:05:24,008 --> 01:05:25,608
with Harper would
have never happened.
1362
01:05:28,046 --> 01:05:29,278
I'm such a fucking idiot.
1363
01:05:38,456 --> 01:05:41,324
-Okay, enough.
-[Ross] What?
1364
01:05:41,326 --> 01:05:44,493
I have come to your Dad
and your super hot Mom
1365
01:05:44,495 --> 01:05:46,495
to stage an intervention.
1366
01:05:46,497 --> 01:05:48,331
I'm depressed,
I'm not on heroin.
1367
01:05:48,333 --> 01:05:50,599
This is an intervention
about a substance
1368
01:05:50,601 --> 01:05:53,235
you're not abusing, fresh puss.
1369
01:05:55,573 --> 01:05:58,674
Look, it's the only way
you're, you're going to get
over Harper and move on.
1370
01:05:58,676 --> 01:06:01,077
I don't want to get over Harper.
1371
01:06:01,746 --> 01:06:04,313
-I love her.
-[all laughing]
1372
01:06:04,315 --> 01:06:06,048
So stupid.
1373
01:06:06,050 --> 01:06:08,117
[dad] Look, I know you're sad,
but trust us,
1374
01:06:08,119 --> 01:06:11,053
you dodged a big whiny bullet.
1375
01:06:11,622 --> 01:06:13,622
[Tammy] It's like you
forget how much you used
1376
01:06:13,624 --> 01:06:16,292
to complain about Harper,
like, all the time.
1377
01:06:16,294 --> 01:06:19,462
Remember? She posted
pictures of her food.
1378
01:06:19,464 --> 01:06:21,063
[mom] I don't know you want
to marry into that family.
1379
01:06:21,065 --> 01:06:23,299
[dad] Yeah, you got
to move on, all right?
1380
01:06:24,702 --> 01:06:27,336
You got to stay
single, and you know
how long you should stay single?
1381
01:06:27,338 --> 01:06:28,604
[mom] Forever.
1382
01:06:29,273 --> 01:06:30,740
-Forever.
-[dad] Oh, boy.
1383
01:06:30,742 --> 01:06:32,475
[mom] Don't even,
don't even start.
1384
01:06:33,378 --> 01:06:37,013
Son, let me, um, let me
give you a little advice.
1385
01:06:38,683 --> 01:06:41,150
I don't want any of
your shitty advice.
1386
01:06:41,152 --> 01:06:43,419
Okay? I don't know why
I've listened to you
three in the first place.
1387
01:06:43,421 --> 01:06:45,454
The only thing scary
about commitment
1388
01:06:45,456 --> 01:06:48,324
is when you use bad judgment
like you did.
1389
01:06:48,326 --> 01:06:50,393
There's nothing scary
about loving Harper.
1390
01:06:50,395 --> 01:06:51,560
I want to be with her.
1391
01:06:53,131 --> 01:06:54,196
I want to marry her.
1392
01:06:55,633 --> 01:06:57,266
[sighing]
1393
01:06:57,268 --> 01:06:59,368
[bright music]
1394
01:07:02,306 --> 01:07:04,140
[knocking on door]
1395
01:07:06,744 --> 01:07:08,310
Hi, honey!
1396
01:07:08,813 --> 01:07:11,514
-Where's Harper?
-That's actually why I'm here,
1397
01:07:11,516 --> 01:07:13,082
it's not really going
to work out between us.
1398
01:07:13,084 --> 01:07:16,185
Well, then, honey,
you better fix it,
1399
01:07:16,587 --> 01:07:19,455
I mean, just landing
her was a fluke.
1400
01:07:20,324 --> 01:07:24,126
Ross isn't Harper's brother,
he's her boyfriend,
1401
01:07:24,128 --> 01:07:26,495
-and he paid me
to marry her so that--
-[hand smacking]
1402
01:07:26,497 --> 01:07:28,831
I knew she was
too good for you. I--
1403
01:07:28,833 --> 01:07:32,535
-[hand smacking]
-You don't deserve
to be a mother!
1404
01:07:32,537 --> 01:07:35,638
-How dare you!
-You had it coming.
1405
01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:39,208
You're a bully.
And just because Harper
wouldn't marry me for real,
1406
01:07:39,210 --> 01:07:40,409
doesn't mean that
somebody else won't.
1407
01:07:41,145 --> 01:07:43,379
Yeah, right!
1408
01:07:43,381 --> 01:07:44,680
-[fist punch]
-[Douglas groaning]
1409
01:07:44,682 --> 01:07:45,848
The fuck, Mom!
1410
01:07:45,850 --> 01:07:48,451
-[fist punching]
-[yelping]
1411
01:07:48,453 --> 01:07:50,152
I'm sorry, Mom,
I had to do that.
1412
01:07:50,154 --> 01:07:51,320
You needed to be punched.
1413
01:07:53,224 --> 01:07:55,458
[suspenseful music]
1414
01:07:56,861 --> 01:07:58,260
[agent 1] Look at this.
1415
01:08:00,865 --> 01:08:03,699
Harper, let me in,
I want to talk to you.
1416
01:08:04,435 --> 01:08:07,303
Let me in, I want
to talk to you, come on!
1417
01:08:07,638 --> 01:08:09,438
-Please!
-Hey, buddy.
1418
01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:11,841
Hey, man.
Why do you look so happy?
1419
01:08:11,843 --> 01:08:14,743
Why are you here?
I don't want to talk to you.
1420
01:08:14,745 --> 01:08:17,713
I screwed up, okay, Harper.
I love you.
1421
01:08:17,715 --> 01:08:19,782
-[Harper] Whatever,
you're such a lying asshole.
-[agent 2 laughing]
1422
01:08:19,784 --> 01:08:22,118
I don't know what this fucking
is, it's not a relationship.
1423
01:08:22,120 --> 01:08:24,420
Plus, Loren's going to
be here in five minutes,
to take me to the airport.
1424
01:08:24,422 --> 01:08:25,688
So you should probably
leave before he gets here,
1425
01:08:25,690 --> 01:08:27,690
'cause he doesn't really
like you very much.
1426
01:08:28,559 --> 01:08:30,893
-Loren?
-Yeah, Loren, the one
person who's actually cared
1427
01:08:30,895 --> 01:08:33,863
about me the entire time,
unlike you two fucking assholes.
1428
01:08:33,865 --> 01:08:35,664
[agent 1] All right, do you want
to make this hard or easy?
1429
01:08:35,666 --> 01:08:37,700
Huh? Hard or easy, your choice.
1430
01:08:38,636 --> 01:08:40,236
Round them up.
1431
01:08:40,538 --> 01:08:42,771
All right, guys,
you're under arrest.
1432
01:08:42,773 --> 01:08:44,273
I'm so sorry.
1433
01:08:44,775 --> 01:08:46,675
[agent 1] You going to make
this hard or easy?
1434
01:08:46,677 --> 01:08:49,712
[suspenseful music]
1435
01:09:02,660 --> 01:09:03,859
[jail door slamming shut]
1436
01:09:03,861 --> 01:09:05,694
I'm such an idiot.
1437
01:09:06,597 --> 01:09:08,564
Sorry for roping you
into all this, Doug.
1438
01:09:08,566 --> 01:09:10,599
[door alarm buzzing]
1439
01:09:10,601 --> 01:09:11,600
It's okay.
1440
01:09:13,304 --> 01:09:15,171
I got to be cool
for four months.
1441
01:09:15,173 --> 01:09:17,239
That's more than
most guys get to be.
1442
01:09:18,743 --> 01:09:21,410
Plus, I got so many girls
being married to Harper,
1443
01:09:21,412 --> 01:09:23,312
it was like a vag-a-lanche.
1444
01:09:25,249 --> 01:09:26,949
Wasn't it just that one
girl from field day?
1445
01:09:27,785 --> 01:09:30,619
Yeah, but for me,
that was like a vag-a-lanche.
1446
01:09:31,222 --> 01:09:33,956
[sighing] I should have
just married her
when I had the chance.
1447
01:09:34,525 --> 01:09:36,559
I can't believe a girl like
her would ever even like me
in the first place.
1448
01:09:36,561 --> 01:09:37,960
You know? I could never wrap
my head around it.
1449
01:09:37,962 --> 01:09:39,428
I couldn't believe it either.
1450
01:09:39,764 --> 01:09:43,399
Okay, well, now it's over, so.
1451
01:09:43,968 --> 01:09:45,668
-Done.
-She's out in Canada.
1452
01:09:45,670 --> 01:09:46,969
She can't come here.
1453
01:09:46,971 --> 01:09:48,904
And here I am, stuck here.
1454
01:09:48,906 --> 01:09:50,206
Can't go there. [chuckling]
1455
01:09:50,942 --> 01:09:52,641
[sighing]
1456
01:09:52,643 --> 01:09:54,743
Hey, your friend, Tammy,
just posted your bail,
1457
01:09:54,745 --> 01:09:55,678
you're free to go.
1458
01:09:58,549 --> 01:10:01,951
-[keys jingling]
-[door opening]
1459
01:10:01,953 --> 01:10:04,787
[gentle music]
1460
01:10:13,531 --> 01:10:15,698
Without Harper, this isn't
any better than jail.
1461
01:10:17,768 --> 01:10:19,501
-You know what?
-What?
1462
01:10:19,503 --> 01:10:20,736
Fuck it.
1463
01:10:20,738 --> 01:10:24,373
I'm not going to let a little
federal indictment stop me.
1464
01:10:24,375 --> 01:10:26,909
I'm going to go up to Canada
and I'm going to see Harper
1465
01:10:26,911 --> 01:10:28,277
and I'm going to show her
that I love her
1466
01:10:28,279 --> 01:10:29,845
and prove to her
that I've changed.
1467
01:10:31,449 --> 01:10:34,350
Yeah, yeah, let's kidnap her,
I'll help you.
1468
01:10:34,352 --> 01:10:36,485
-What?
-I mean, let's get her,
get her back!
1469
01:10:36,487 --> 01:10:39,955
Yeah, okay, all right.
1470
01:10:40,658 --> 01:10:43,726
We can't get on an airplane
because we're on a no fly list,
1471
01:10:43,728 --> 01:10:46,962
and they're not just
going to let us drive
across the border, so.
1472
01:10:46,964 --> 01:10:48,631
[laughing]
1473
01:10:51,402 --> 01:10:52,534
-Hot air balloon!
-Boat!
1474
01:10:52,536 --> 01:10:54,403
Oh, I was going to say boat.
1475
01:10:54,839 --> 01:10:56,939
We're on a boat,
we can take the boat.
1476
01:10:56,941 --> 01:10:58,874
We're on a boat,
we're on a boat.
1477
01:10:58,876 --> 01:11:00,476
[upbeat rock music]
1478
01:11:00,478 --> 01:11:02,811
-Come on!
-Come on!
1479
01:11:02,813 --> 01:11:04,513
-[engine starting]
-Woo!
1480
01:11:04,515 --> 01:11:07,016
-Yes!
-Yeah, oh, man,
we're going to haul ass.
1481
01:11:07,018 --> 01:11:09,418
I'll get this boat up
to fifty fucking knots.
1482
01:11:09,420 --> 01:11:11,287
We should be there by nightfall.
1483
01:11:11,289 --> 01:11:12,955
I'm so happy
I could kiss you, man.
1484
01:11:13,924 --> 01:11:15,391
Really?
1485
01:11:16,560 --> 01:11:17,826
Maybe I should go untie us.
1486
01:11:20,331 --> 01:11:22,031
Be swift and fast.
1487
01:11:22,033 --> 01:11:24,466
[boat chugging]
1488
01:11:30,741 --> 01:11:33,375
[gentle music]
1489
01:11:33,377 --> 01:11:34,777
[boat honking]
1490
01:11:44,322 --> 01:11:46,789
Five fucking days, man,
I'm fucking losing my mind.
1491
01:11:47,625 --> 01:11:49,358
Harper's probably
already moved on by now, man.
1492
01:11:49,360 --> 01:11:50,759
What the hell am I going to do?
1493
01:11:51,996 --> 01:11:53,862
Well, Harper is white, correct?
1494
01:11:54,598 --> 01:11:55,998
Yes, she's white, Doug.
1495
01:11:57,835 --> 01:11:59,768
You know, you really messed up.
1496
01:11:59,770 --> 01:12:02,371
That's no way to court
a white woman.
1497
01:12:02,373 --> 01:12:03,906
Did you learn that in your book?
1498
01:12:03,908 --> 01:12:06,575
It's all about making
amends, making right
1499
01:12:06,577 --> 01:12:07,976
what you have done wrong.
1500
01:12:08,646 --> 01:12:10,679
If you want to make
amends to Harper...
1501
01:12:11,649 --> 01:12:13,682
you need to say
sorry in a big way.
1502
01:12:16,587 --> 01:12:17,986
You know, you're right, Doug.
1503
01:12:18,656 --> 01:12:20,889
That's actually some
pretty good advice.
1504
01:12:20,891 --> 01:12:22,691
[Asian accent] Us Asian men
need to stick together.
1505
01:12:24,362 --> 01:12:25,861
I need to do something that
shows Harper that I love
1506
01:12:25,863 --> 01:12:27,463
everything about her,
and that I can make big
1507
01:12:27,465 --> 01:12:28,731
permanent decisions.
1508
01:12:36,807 --> 01:12:39,775
Oh, my God,
what are you doing here?
1509
01:12:42,546 --> 01:12:44,880
I'm here to prove to
you how much I love you.
1510
01:12:44,882 --> 01:12:47,416
-Everything okay, babe?
-I--
1511
01:12:47,418 --> 01:12:50,986
[chuckling] Who's
the Canadian enthusiast?
1512
01:12:50,988 --> 01:12:54,056
I'm Ross, and you don't call
her babe, that's our thing.
1513
01:12:56,060 --> 01:12:58,627
Harper, I've loved you
ever since I thought
you were a robot.
1514
01:13:03,134 --> 01:13:05,401
Oh, my God, Ross.
1515
01:13:05,403 --> 01:13:08,437
Uh-huh. It hurt, it hurt a lot.
1516
01:13:10,541 --> 01:13:13,642
I just wanted to show you
that I can make big
permanent decisions.
1517
01:13:13,644 --> 01:13:15,811
And this is the most permanent
thing I could think of.
1518
01:13:16,714 --> 01:13:18,046
Oh, my God.
1519
01:13:18,783 --> 01:13:19,715
-[Ross wincing]
-Sorry.
1520
01:13:19,717 --> 01:13:20,916
It's okay.
1521
01:13:20,918 --> 01:13:22,017
[Harper] "The list of things
1522
01:13:22,019 --> 01:13:23,752
I love about Harper.
1523
01:13:24,622 --> 01:13:29,858
Her hair, her eyes,
her cute sneezes,
1524
01:13:30,428 --> 01:13:32,127
her really great grammar,
1525
01:13:33,864 --> 01:13:36,165
the way she thinks dogs
can understand her
1526
01:13:36,167 --> 01:13:37,633
when she talks to them."
1527
01:13:37,635 --> 01:13:38,600
They can.
1528
01:13:40,905 --> 01:13:44,039
You love answering
my questions during movies?
1529
01:13:44,041 --> 01:13:46,742
I mean, if anybody else ever did
it, I'd find it insufferable,
1530
01:13:46,744 --> 01:13:48,777
because it's you
though, I, I love it.
1531
01:13:50,014 --> 01:13:51,914
-Really?
-With all my heart.
1532
01:13:54,485 --> 01:13:56,885
You know what?
I did this for you.
1533
01:13:58,989 --> 01:14:00,856
Wow, that's impressive.
1534
01:14:00,858 --> 01:14:02,191
A thousand crunches a day.
1535
01:14:02,193 --> 01:14:03,792
-[sprinklers turn on]
-[Douglas] Yes!
1536
01:14:03,794 --> 01:14:06,195
Look at him,
he's all wet, he sucks!
1537
01:14:08,165 --> 01:14:09,932
-That was me.
-Loren, I'm so sorry.
1538
01:14:09,934 --> 01:14:12,234
Oh, come on, look at me.
1539
01:14:12,903 --> 01:14:15,871
-I'm so good looking.
-I've never really
been that attracted
1540
01:14:15,873 --> 01:14:17,773
to, like, super good
looking people.
1541
01:14:18,175 --> 01:14:22,678
I'm kind of into, like,
the soft gawky, like, weird,
big teeth type.
1542
01:14:22,680 --> 01:14:24,780
-I don't know.
-Thanks.
1543
01:14:25,483 --> 01:14:28,550
I mean, I'm not sure if
that was a compliment,
but it sounded sweet.
1544
01:14:30,154 --> 01:14:32,187
-[gentle music]
-[Ross sighing]
1545
01:14:32,189 --> 01:14:33,121
Harper...
1546
01:14:34,558 --> 01:14:35,891
-[chuckling]
-...will you marry me?
1547
01:14:38,596 --> 01:14:40,562
No, get up.
1548
01:14:40,564 --> 01:14:43,265
You're so weird,
I don't want to marry you yet.
1549
01:14:43,267 --> 01:14:44,933
You blew all that up yourself
in you're own head.
1550
01:14:44,935 --> 01:14:47,069
I just want to be
your girlfriend.
1551
01:14:47,071 --> 01:14:48,937
And, like, maybe live in
the same place as you,
1552
01:14:48,939 --> 01:14:51,673
so we can watch the shows
we like, and snuggle a lot.
1553
01:14:53,878 --> 01:14:55,611
I'm so lucky.
1554
01:14:55,613 --> 01:14:57,880
But seriously, we need
to get fucking married,
1555
01:14:57,882 --> 01:15:00,215
Doug and I got
into some deep shit.
We weren't supposed to leave
1556
01:15:00,217 --> 01:15:01,817
the country while we're on bail.
1557
01:15:02,620 --> 01:15:05,721
-I'm a fugitive now, baby.
-You're a fugitive?
1558
01:15:05,723 --> 01:15:07,222
That's right, honey.
1559
01:15:07,224 --> 01:15:09,858
I don't know why,
but I'm so into that.
1560
01:15:09,860 --> 01:15:11,627
Fine, I'll marry you,
but only 'cause
1561
01:15:11,629 --> 01:15:12,761
it's for the greater good.
1562
01:15:16,133 --> 01:15:17,266
I need kale.
1563
01:15:17,902 --> 01:15:19,067
-[fist punching]
-[grunting]
1564
01:15:19,069 --> 01:15:21,570
-Holy fuck!
-What are you doing?
1565
01:15:21,572 --> 01:15:22,938
This is usually when
the losing guy
1566
01:15:22,940 --> 01:15:24,873
gets mad and tries
to kick your ass,
1567
01:15:24,875 --> 01:15:27,042
so I decided to knock him out
before he got the chance.
1568
01:15:27,912 --> 01:15:29,778
-That's actually pretty smart.
-Well, hey, thank you.
1569
01:15:29,780 --> 01:15:32,080
Hey, since we're not going
to be married anymore...
1570
01:15:33,551 --> 01:15:34,616
can I be your best man?
1571
01:15:36,854 --> 01:15:38,320
Tammy will be devastated...
1572
01:15:42,259 --> 01:15:43,609
but sure.
1573
01:15:43,610 --> 01:15:44,960
[officiant] Do you, Ross Ruben,
take this woman
1574
01:15:44,962 --> 01:15:46,962
to be your lawfully wedded wife.
1575
01:15:48,032 --> 01:15:48,897
I do.
1576
01:15:50,234 --> 01:15:53,101
Do you, Harper Reynolds,
take this man
1577
01:15:53,103 --> 01:15:54,970
to be your lawfully
wedded husband.
1578
01:15:54,972 --> 01:15:57,773
I do, reluctantly.
1579
01:15:58,208 --> 01:16:01,243
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
1580
01:16:01,245 --> 01:16:04,913
-Oh, shit, Crystal,
what are you doing here?
-Oh, come on.
1581
01:16:05,282 --> 01:16:10,152
[whispering] Oh, um,
Harper told me that you guys
weren't really married,
1582
01:16:10,754 --> 01:16:12,754
and that you didn't have
a date for this wedding,
1583
01:16:12,756 --> 01:16:14,289
so I just thought I'd swing by.
1584
01:16:16,994 --> 01:16:18,860
You came all the way to Canada?
1585
01:16:19,930 --> 01:16:20,829
Yep.
1586
01:16:22,166 --> 01:16:23,966
Are you with the black kid?
1587
01:16:24,335 --> 01:16:27,002
I don't know him, we just
met in the parking lot.
1588
01:16:27,938 --> 01:16:30,739
-Fuck yeah.
-Wing wife for life.
1589
01:16:31,041 --> 01:16:35,344
Okay, that's, that's great,
now let's, let's move on,
shall we?
1590
01:16:35,346 --> 01:16:38,280
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
1591
01:16:38,282 --> 01:16:39,681
You may kiss the bride.
1592
01:16:40,951 --> 01:16:42,884
[upbeat music]
1593
01:16:42,886 --> 01:16:45,954
[guests cheering and applauding]
1594
01:16:49,126 --> 01:16:52,294
Yes! Woo-hoo!
1595
01:16:59,069 --> 01:17:02,337
Hey, anybody want to
turn this wedding party
into a fuck party?
1596
01:17:05,409 --> 01:17:07,009
Let's go!
1597
01:17:07,011 --> 01:17:09,277
[upbeat music]
1598
01:17:15,986 --> 01:17:18,754
¶ She's moving up Down, all around ¶
1599
01:17:18,756 --> 01:17:20,389
¶ She's moving up Down, all around ¶
1600
01:17:21,158 --> 01:17:23,225
¶ She's moving up Down, all around ¶
1601
01:17:23,994 --> 01:17:26,662
¶ In a high class place With a white girl ghetto ¶
1602
01:17:26,664 --> 01:17:28,864
¶ Up, down, all around ¶
1603
01:17:28,866 --> 01:17:30,365
¶ She's moving up Down, all around... ¶
1604
01:17:30,367 --> 01:17:33,402
[laughing]
1605
01:17:33,404 --> 01:17:35,837
[crew member] Ask him
who makes his jacket.
1606
01:17:35,839 --> 01:17:38,140
Okay, who makes this jacket?
1607
01:17:38,709 --> 01:17:42,844
What? Mine who fucks
your mother in the ass,
1608
01:17:42,846 --> 01:17:45,247
that's the fucking
man that does it, okay?
1609
01:17:45,249 --> 01:17:47,215
-[laughing]
-[woman laughing]
1610
01:17:51,188 --> 01:17:53,822
I didn't expect that. [cackling]
1611
01:17:55,292 --> 01:17:57,059
-[crew member] Rolling!
-[laughing]
1612
01:17:57,061 --> 01:17:59,394
Oh, my God, I hate your laugh.
1613
01:17:59,396 --> 01:18:02,431
Hey, uh-- Sorry. Just got
my own mail, just got my--
1614
01:18:02,433 --> 01:18:04,966
[spitting] Fucking flies!
1615
01:18:06,336 --> 01:18:08,170
Just got my own mailing address.
1616
01:18:08,172 --> 01:18:11,773
I wish she had a 57 label
on his face, so I could just
1617
01:18:11,775 --> 01:18:14,776
smack-- Ow.
1618
01:18:14,778 --> 01:18:16,978
So I could just smack--
What is it?
1619
01:18:17,448 --> 01:18:20,082
Um, I still don't know how
this looks like a threesome.
1620
01:18:25,022 --> 01:18:27,022
-[laughing]
-Fuck!
1621
01:18:27,024 --> 01:18:29,758
-[yelling]
-Go for it, man!
1622
01:18:29,760 --> 01:18:33,495
Shut the fuck up and show
some fucking respect,
1623
01:18:33,497 --> 01:18:35,363
you fucking cunt!
1624
01:18:35,365 --> 01:18:37,799
[laughing]
1625
01:18:38,469 --> 01:18:40,102
I don't like when words
come out of your mouth.
1626
01:18:40,104 --> 01:18:41,737
I don't like your stupid hair!
1627
01:18:42,406 --> 01:18:43,371
Sorry.
1628
01:18:43,373 --> 01:18:44,940
[crew member yelling]
1629
01:18:44,942 --> 01:18:47,175
[both laugh]
1630
01:18:47,945 --> 01:18:49,478
-[crew member] Go even bigger.
-You...
1631
01:18:52,382 --> 01:18:54,483
-[agent laughing] Sorry.
-[crew members chattering]
1632
01:18:54,485 --> 01:18:56,852
[director] Let's just
start with,
"Miss Lipinski, you scored a--
1633
01:18:56,854 --> 01:18:59,921
-Mrs. Lipinski,
you scored a perfect 50."
-Yeah, let's just-- [chuckling]
1634
01:18:59,923 --> 01:19:01,823
You know what?
It might be funny,
1635
01:19:01,825 --> 01:19:03,358
but don't fucking crack up
when you're doing it.
1636
01:19:03,360 --> 01:19:04,760
-[clears throat]
-[crew members laughing]
1637
01:19:04,762 --> 01:19:06,862
Let the audience laugh.
1638
01:19:06,864 --> 01:19:09,231
Don't you start laughing
and breaking the whole
fucking scene.
1639
01:19:09,233 --> 01:19:10,499
-Robert....
-[director] Here we go.
1640
01:19:10,501 --> 01:19:12,934
...I'm just a-- I'm just
a new green actor, okay.
1641
01:19:12,936 --> 01:19:14,369
You're just a little
green horn, aren't you?
1642
01:19:14,371 --> 01:19:17,272
-Yeah.
-Love the little green horns.
1643
01:19:18,408 --> 01:19:20,442
-Really?
-You can kick me in
the balls, let's do it.
1644
01:19:21,145 --> 01:19:22,310
Just get it over with.
1645
01:19:24,882 --> 01:19:26,214
Oh, that hurt.
1646
01:19:26,950 --> 01:19:28,483
-You got me.
-Come back.
1647
01:19:28,485 --> 01:19:29,885
Fuck!
1648
01:19:32,322 --> 01:19:33,388
Whoa!
1649
01:19:35,526 --> 01:19:37,392
What the fuck is
that little thing?
1650
01:19:38,829 --> 01:19:40,095
Oh, there you are.
1651
01:19:40,097 --> 01:19:42,130
Shit, let me get
him out of here.
1652
01:19:42,132 --> 01:19:44,332
Actually, do you know what?
Do you mind if I let him finish?
1653
01:19:44,334 --> 01:19:46,868
If I don't, he's going to
be in a bad mood for weeks.
1654
01:19:46,870 --> 01:19:49,304
[mouse squealing]
1655
01:19:54,278 --> 01:19:56,144
Never mind, we're all good.
1656
01:20:01,919 --> 01:20:03,518
Stop, I don't want
to kiss anymore.
1657
01:20:06,957 --> 01:20:08,089
Let's get the fuck out of here.
1658
01:20:10,060 --> 01:20:13,061
Dammit, Lou, why did you
turn away the nice gay man.
1659
01:20:13,063 --> 01:20:16,198
Now get out of here!
I'm very disappointed
in all of you,
1660
01:20:16,200 --> 01:20:19,000
I'm going to go drink for
a while. Just be quiet.
1661
01:20:19,870 --> 01:20:22,938
I'll be back in, like, five
hours, can you put everybody
to bed, Brittany? Great.
1662
01:20:22,940 --> 01:20:25,307
¶ Thousand feet in the air Looking up ¶
1663
01:20:25,309 --> 01:20:27,576
¶ Walking on a high wire ¶
1664
01:20:29,913 --> 01:20:32,380
¶ Don't look back Whatever's down below ¶
1665
01:20:32,382 --> 01:20:35,016
¶ Oh, it won't help you now ¶
1666
01:20:36,920 --> 01:20:39,120
¶ Baby, playing with fire ¶
1667
01:20:39,122 --> 01:20:42,490
¶ And when you get burned It's still better than never ¶
1668
01:20:42,492 --> 01:20:46,194
¶ Taking a turn, oh ¶
1669
01:20:48,232 --> 01:20:51,566
¶ Climb out on a limb My darling ¶
1670
01:20:51,568 --> 01:20:55,203
¶ Bet against The chance of falling ¶
1671
01:20:55,205 --> 01:20:58,640
¶ Climb out on A limb my darling ¶
1672
01:20:58,642 --> 01:21:02,277
¶ Don't live in The fear of falling ¶
1673
01:21:02,279 --> 01:21:07,549
¶ Oh ¶
1674
01:21:07,551 --> 01:21:12,520
¶ You're a gold mine ¶
1675
01:21:12,522 --> 01:21:14,890
¶ No ¶
1676
01:21:14,892 --> 01:21:19,461
¶ You're a gold mine ¶
1677
01:21:19,463 --> 01:21:21,897
¶ Oh ¶
1678
01:21:21,899 --> 01:21:26,968
¶ You're a gold mine ¶
1679
01:21:26,970 --> 01:21:29,070
¶ Oh ¶
1680
01:21:29,072 --> 01:21:31,373
¶ You're a gold mine ¶
137723
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