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1
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[girl] And action!
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[slate snaps] Okay, guys, so...
3
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You've gotta edit this one... [man] Oh.
4
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[boy] Mm-hmm.
5
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[sniffs]
6
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Uhh!
7
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I feel so stupid talking to something while you're in here.
8
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It's not bad. I'm just saying, like, it's nothing here, so I'm, like, talking to myself.
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[girl] You're just making more shit for you to edit. I know.
10
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Okay. So...
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[girl laughing]
12
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You're making me nervous. Look at me, I'm blushing.
13
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You are blushing. Mm-hmm.
14
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[girl, indistinct]
15
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[inhales] Okay, so, I have a funny story to tell.
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[engine starts]
17
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[wind whistling]
18
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[up-tempo music playing]
19
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[siren wailing]
20
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[man on TV] Know you're getting the superior clean...
21
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[woman on TV] I'm never going back to my old...
22
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[man] Wrangler Advanced Comfort jeans.
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The durability you expect, the comfort you can count on.
24
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Made with four-way flex technology for maximum comfort
25
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and the reinforced fibers are 20 percent stronger than traditional denim.
26
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Wrangler, real comfortable jeans.
27
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[TV continues, indistinct]
28
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[telephone rings]
29
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[ringing continues]
30
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[beeps] ECT, Jamie.
31
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[man] Dr. Anderson, Dr. Stehouwer, you have Dr. Burgess on the phone.
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[beeps] Hi, um, Amy, one-month-old boy here.
33
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He's an ex-34-weeker, he's a twin.
34
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Um, presents with what sounds like an all T.
35
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Mom had laid him down for nap.
36
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Um, went to check on him about 5:00 p.m.
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Noticed his head was jerking.
38
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He seemed to be choking, having difficulty breathing.
39
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[siren wailing]
40
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[machine beeping]
41
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[man] 1.1 milligrams. [Jamie] Right.
42
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[siren wailing continues] [horn honking]
43
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[male, indistinct]
44
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All right.
45
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He's still seizing. Hurry it up.
46
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Okay. All right, all right.
47
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I like it, I like it.
48
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All right.
49
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Yeah, it looks good.
50
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[machine beeping]
51
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3.3. 3.3 x 11.
52
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Can you start it there? Yeah, just getting it out.
53
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I'm gonna put them all right here. All right.
54
00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:16,153
We have them all out.
55
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Here's a half a dose. Okay.
56
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[indistinct]
57
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Hold another half. Okay.
58
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Another half. All right.
59
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21-59. Clear that.
60
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All right. All right, buddy.
61
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Good morning. Good morning.
62
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Hi. You guys run all night?
63
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Yeah, we got out late. Had a long trip.
64
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Really? Where to?
65
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Pontiac.
66
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Oh, my God. Of course.
67
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Oh, my God. [sighs]
68
00:05:25,229 --> 00:05:28,982
Well, I'm running late too. Um... Oh, shoot, here comes somebody.
69
00:05:28,983 --> 00:05:32,443
All right. The birds just need fresh food.
70
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I fed the dogs, they've been out.
71
00:05:34,405 --> 00:05:36,823
Um, the fire's good though. Okay.
72
00:05:36,824 --> 00:05:39,118
You may need to push the damper in a little bit.
73
00:05:39,119 --> 00:05:40,744
Okay. It wasn't burning really well.
74
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Sounds good. I'll see you, basically...
75
00:05:44,624 --> 00:05:46,375
Later. Bye. Tonight. Later.
76
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Love you. Love you too.
77
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[dog barks]
78
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[beeping] [sets parking brake]
79
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[dog barking, whines]
80
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Good morning, good morning, good morning.
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[barking continues]
82
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Good morning. [dog whines]
83
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Good morning.
84
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[alarm beeps]
85
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[beeps]
86
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[woman on radio] We're just a few minutes past the hour at 5:00 o'clock.
87
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Another freezing cold afternoon here in your city by the lake, Cleveland, Ohio.
88
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But never fear, WKMH radio is here to warm you up
89
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with a few hits from today's top artists.
90
00:07:02,876 --> 00:07:06,545
If you're on your way home, or stuck in rush-hour traffic
91
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or out there freezing your butt off, shoveling snow,
92
00:07:09,342 --> 00:07:15,764
DJ Kool is here for you, and ready to drop the first track leading into your evening.
93
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A classic.
94
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[man on radio] ♪ Don't need no special flare To start a love affair ♪
95
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[razor buzzing]
96
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[Coby] Hey, guys, what's up?
97
00:08:32,722 --> 00:08:35,767
I had an interesting thought the other day.
98
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I'm not quite sure where it came from,
99
00:08:38,145 --> 00:08:40,813
but, um, I'm really into dreams,
100
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not like interpreting dreams,
101
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but I... I find them really fascinating...
102
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and can vividly remember most of my dreams
103
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,579
and have some control over them.
104
00:08:54,580 --> 00:08:55,747
Um...
105
00:08:55,748 --> 00:08:58,459
I thought it was interesting that I'm starting to have dreams
106
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where I am either male or transgendered in my dreams.
107
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Um, I find myself being really exposed
108
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but also having had top surgery,
109
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and going by my male name
110
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and it's kinda interesting
111
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to see the change, in my thoughts even.
112
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Um, obviously, if I'm dreaming about it,
113
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it's something consciously in my brain,
114
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and it's actually changing and making an effect,
115
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which I thought was really interesting.
116
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Um, I don't know. Some of you might think I'm crazy for that,
117
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but I thought it was pretty fascinating
118
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that my body is beginning to recognize itself
119
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in its subconscious?
120
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[chickens clucking]
121
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[ducks quacking]
122
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[woman] I'm sure I tried to treat her more like a girl.
123
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Oh, ho, ho. Here's an example.
124
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One time I was talking to the mother of that little boy
125
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that she played with all the time, Valerie,
126
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and I said... At 12. She was 12.
127
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And I said, "Boy, Valerie,
128
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there's never gonna be a boy for this one, a guy for this one."
129
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I... I mean it was like right there, right in front of my face.
130
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But I didn't realize the truth of it, you know, what I saw.
131
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We had... You know, there's a lot gone in my head,
132
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probably pushed out on purpose, cause I was here all the time.
133
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I was working all the time. Cooking, cleaning, working with the kids.
134
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In the house, out of the house, making appointments, you know.
135
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Busy, busy. Um...
136
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,511
Yeah, we ha... I think we had a difficult relationship.
137
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But I don't know how to describe it.
138
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I remember she and her brother would get into these fights,
139
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and I had to develop a way...
140
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I mean she'd get really, really angry.
141
00:11:51,897 --> 00:11:54,983
And I think we saw the roots of some of the things
142
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that were responsible for her wanting to change.
143
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Um, I would have to sit down with the two of them.
144
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I had a technique of punishing them for getting into fights.
145
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I would sit down and we would excruciatingly discuss what happened.
146
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"So what did Andrew say to you?" "Well, he said such and such."
147
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"Where exactly was he standing when he said this?
148
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Where were you, and what was the expression?"
149
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It'd just push it right into the ground
150
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until they don't wanna talk about it anymore.
151
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But it also discharged their anger
152
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'cause it allowed them to describe in great detail what was going on.
153
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But that's a little bit of a side trip,
154
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because she was so short-tempered,
155
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and it was like she was not at ease in the world
156
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and I think kinda unhappy.
157
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My mom's always had an issue
158
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opposing my gender changing, I guess.
159
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Um...
160
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So she sat me down, she...
161
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What was it, like, um, probably like last week sometime...
162
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Sat me down in the morning, down at the kitchen table.
163
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"I need to talk to you, and you're not gonna like it."
164
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And I said, "Oh, shit." [sniffs]
165
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She basically told me I'm not allowed to transition in her house.
166
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That she thinks it's gonna make me into a weird person,
167
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and she doesn't like that.
168
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And she's not okay with it at all,
169
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and she won't... call me Coby or anything pretty much.
170
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Although she was being an ass and said,
171
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"If you just stay like you are now, a boyish girl,
172
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I'll call you Coby.
173
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But if you start transitioning, I will not call you Coby."
174
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And I thought that was kind of straight-up mean.
175
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[man singing] ♪ For all in bloom are you My love ♪
176
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♪ In your youth ♪
177
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[humming] ♪ And the roses Are coloring your cheeks ♪
178
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♪ And though I say to myself ♪
179
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♪ "Get ahold of yourself" ♪
180
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♪ My defenses Are all in retreat ♪
181
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♪ And you should see ♪
182
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♪ The man I was ♪
183
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[humming] ♪ I hope you'll show him ♪
184
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♪ To the door ♪
185
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♪ The man I was Just isn't there... ♪
186
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[hip-hop music playing]
187
00:15:11,907 --> 00:15:13,364
[sets parking brake]
188
00:15:13,365 --> 00:15:15,452
[engine off] [music stops]
189
00:15:19,498 --> 00:15:21,876
[beeping]
190
00:15:31,636 --> 00:15:33,470
[sizzling]
191
00:15:33,471 --> 00:15:35,933
[bells jangling]
192
00:15:40,687 --> 00:15:43,606
Good morning. Hey. How are you today?
193
00:15:43,607 --> 00:15:44,983
Good. How are you? Whatcha got?
194
00:15:44,984 --> 00:15:47,443
I brought you a giant stack of the newspaper article.
195
00:15:47,444 --> 00:15:51,113
Whoa! This is exciting. [laughing]
196
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I haven't gotten a chance to look at it.
197
00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:54,785
I haven't seen it yet. Ours doesn't come till late.
198
00:15:54,786 --> 00:15:57,496
I haven't either. I just grabbed it from the store.
199
00:15:57,497 --> 00:15:59,289
Let's see what it says. I see you!
200
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:01,793
Look at this. I see you right here on the front page.
201
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:06,924
Holy cow! Front page. [giggling]
202
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,092
Wow. If I don't drop it all.
203
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,469
All right, all right. What do we got here?
204
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,348
[gasps] That's a very nice headline.
205
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:15,975
"Journey to Manhood."
206
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:19,980
"Filmmaker captures brother's life-changing decision."
207
00:16:19,981 --> 00:16:22,273
Nice. Woo-hoo hoo-hoo! [laughs]
208
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:25,276
This is exciting. You know what I did the other day?
209
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:28,947
I remember the time you were on the front page when you were 18.
210
00:16:28,948 --> 00:16:31,074
Guess what. I went in the scrapbook and got it.
211
00:16:31,075 --> 00:16:32,450
Let me show it to you. Okay.
212
00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:34,202
You've forgotten it, probably.
213
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:37,790
'Member? When you were 18 years old? [chuckles]
214
00:16:37,790 --> 00:16:41,168
Back on the... You were skating behind the house here?
215
00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:42,670
Oh, yeah. Wow.
216
00:16:42,671 --> 00:16:44,088
It was like 60 out, wasn't it,
217
00:16:44,089 --> 00:16:46,465
'cause I remember everything melted... Right.
218
00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:49,511
And right after this, I actually fell through the ice.
219
00:16:49,512 --> 00:16:51,388
Yep. But it looks fancy.
220
00:16:51,389 --> 00:16:52,681
There you are and there you are.
221
00:16:52,682 --> 00:16:54,851
The two you's, only it's all you, isn't it?
222
00:16:54,852 --> 00:16:58,353
Look, it's the same paste-up. Yeah. I know.
223
00:16:58,354 --> 00:16:59,939
Same profile. Absolutely.
224
00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:02,567
Except for less makeup in this picture. [laughing]
225
00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:04,069
You actually had makeup on here? Mm-hmm.
226
00:17:04,069 --> 00:17:07,571
Yeah, I remember. Wasn't it Ada Margot that took that picture?
227
00:17:07,573 --> 00:17:08,574
Yeah, right here. Yeah, right.
228
00:17:08,575 --> 00:17:13,329
My mother made pancakes for us before we went to school.
229
00:17:13,329 --> 00:17:15,705
And she used to make 'em in shapes. Mm-hmm.
230
00:17:15,707 --> 00:17:17,540
She'd make a bunny and a cat
231
00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:19,961
and serve us breakfast when we were little girls
232
00:17:19,962 --> 00:17:21,963
before we had to go out and get the bus.
233
00:17:21,964 --> 00:17:24,549
She did all kinds of fun things for breakfast.
234
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:26,885
I made Sara breakfast in bed the other day.
235
00:17:26,886 --> 00:17:28,054
Yay. Just for fun?
236
00:17:28,055 --> 00:17:30,014
I went and made... Yeah, she was really sleepy,
237
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:33,391
and I was bored from waiting for two hours for her to wake up.
238
00:17:33,392 --> 00:17:35,436
[laughing] So I made breakfast and had it all ready,
239
00:17:35,437 --> 00:17:38,522
brought in a tray and woke her up and made her eat in bed.
240
00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:40,358
Good. And she loved it. Good.
241
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:44,071
I think that's the first or second time I've done it. Ah, how sweet.
242
00:17:44,072 --> 00:17:45,656
I woke her up, and I was like, "I have breakfast."
243
00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:47,491
She's like, "Mm-hmm," and went right back to sleep.
244
00:17:47,492 --> 00:17:48,742
And I was like, "No, I have it right here."
245
00:17:48,743 --> 00:17:53,538
She had just gotten her first period the month before, right?
246
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,499
Female, you know, menstruation,
247
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,085
when we were on vacation in Florida,
248
00:17:57,086 --> 00:18:00,922
and I was excited for her, and she was devastated.
249
00:18:00,923 --> 00:18:01,757
She didn't wanna have that.
250
00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:04,676
To me, when I got mine, I was like, "Wow, I'm a woman,
251
00:18:04,677 --> 00:18:06,929
I get to grow up and be a mom."
252
00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:08,097
But she didn't like it.
253
00:18:08,098 --> 00:18:09,347
So the next month in September,
254
00:18:09,348 --> 00:18:13,936
I'm studying Italian at my desk upstairs in the master bedroom,
255
00:18:13,937 --> 00:18:17,523
and she comes up and says, "I have something to tell you."
256
00:18:17,524 --> 00:18:19,943
But she didn't tell me anything, so I just started guessing.
257
00:18:19,944 --> 00:18:25,281
I said, uh... I just started guessing things that could be bothering her.
258
00:18:25,282 --> 00:18:26,574
And the last thing I says...
259
00:18:26,575 --> 00:18:28,160
I don't know why, I don't know where this came...
260
00:18:28,161 --> 00:18:31,789
I said, "Do you think you like girls better than boys?"
261
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:33,874
And she started crying and said, "Yes."
262
00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:35,918
And I said, "Oh, okay."
263
00:18:35,919 --> 00:18:38,462
Now, I didn't necessarily feel okay.
264
00:18:38,463 --> 00:18:39,880
But I knew I could accept that. You know?
265
00:18:39,881 --> 00:18:44,260
I've lived a crazy life, and I've lived with all kinds of people of all types.
266
00:18:44,261 --> 00:18:48,265
But, um, so then we talked about it for a few minutes,
267
00:18:48,266 --> 00:18:53,270
and we came down and told Dad, and, eventually, brother Andrew
268
00:18:53,271 --> 00:18:54,646
that she thought she was gay.
269
00:18:54,647 --> 00:19:00,570
And, um... That's the word we used "lesbian, gay." Gay is sort of general.
270
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,739
And Dad said, "Okay,
271
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:07,285
let's keep this information inside the family for one year
272
00:19:07,286 --> 00:19:08,829
to see if this is really who you are.
273
00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:12,040
You get to try it out, but we're not gonna tell everybody in the world
274
00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:16,045
until you try it out, you know, for a while and see how you feel."
275
00:19:16,046 --> 00:19:21,968
Um... I was... I'm sure I was disappointed, you know.
276
00:19:21,969 --> 00:19:23,762
But she was still a girl, you know.
277
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:27,808
She was still my daughter, so that didn't change that.
278
00:19:33,190 --> 00:19:38,486
She had things driving her about that same time she decided to come out as gay.
279
00:19:38,487 --> 00:19:42,741
She was very... unhappy,
280
00:19:42,742 --> 00:19:45,786
and I was very aware of that.
281
00:19:45,787 --> 00:19:50,166
And I was... I would spend time talking with her
282
00:19:50,167 --> 00:19:52,960
about how whatever is wrong,
283
00:19:52,961 --> 00:19:56,965
we can work out different arrangements to...
284
00:19:57,508 --> 00:19:58,342
make life bearable for her.
285
00:19:58,343 --> 00:20:03,138
She found living with us unbearable, I think, and I don't know why.
286
00:20:03,139 --> 00:20:05,641
But, uh, but...
287
00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:07,810
She... I got the inklings that she was...
288
00:20:07,811 --> 00:20:10,562
This is one of my stock stories about her...
289
00:20:10,563 --> 00:20:13,065
But I had inklings that she was gonna run away.
290
00:20:13,066 --> 00:20:17,237
So I had a long talk with her which she may or may not remember now.
291
00:20:17,238 --> 00:20:23,409
But I said to her, "You know, children do divorce their parents.
292
00:20:23,410 --> 00:20:25,246
This is an option.
293
00:20:25,247 --> 00:20:26,329
And short of that option, you know...
294
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:30,626
If this is really intolerable, and short of that option, you know,
295
00:20:30,627 --> 00:20:34,463
if you have another family you'd rather be living with,
296
00:20:34,464 --> 00:20:35,923
we could accommodate that.
297
00:20:35,924 --> 00:20:39,928
But bear in mind they would be your parents.
298
00:20:39,929 --> 00:20:41,763
It's not gonna be a free run.
299
00:20:41,764 --> 00:20:45,433
But if you really, really can't live with us,
300
00:20:45,434 --> 00:20:49,563
there's a lot of options available other than running away."
301
00:20:49,564 --> 00:20:51,356
Hey, YouTube, what's up?
302
00:20:51,357 --> 00:20:56,572
It is July 16... Sorry.
303
00:20:56,697 --> 00:21:00,992
Um, which means I am two weeks on T.
304
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,618
Changes:
305
00:21:02,619 --> 00:21:06,455
I have started feeling like I'm sick,
306
00:21:06,456 --> 00:21:08,333
so I'm assuming... [clears throat]
307
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:12,297
Obviously. My voice is starting to drop a little bit.
308
00:21:12,298 --> 00:21:13,798
Um...
309
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:17,135
It... It itches more than anything.
310
00:21:17,136 --> 00:21:19,679
And, um, my voice is starting to crack
311
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,140
if I, like, laugh and shit
312
00:21:22,141 --> 00:21:25,312
when I'm being tickled or whatever.
313
00:21:25,394 --> 00:21:29,982
Um... my dick has gotten even bigger.
314
00:21:29,983 --> 00:21:34,695
Um, there's a huge distinction between hard and soft now,
315
00:21:34,696 --> 00:21:36,323
which is awesome.
316
00:21:36,324 --> 00:21:40,451
Um, also, Sara has dated guys before,
317
00:21:40,452 --> 00:21:42,996
and she said that I now taste like a guy.
318
00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:47,667
That might be a little too much information, but whatever.
319
00:21:47,668 --> 00:21:48,669
I don't care.
320
00:21:48,670 --> 00:21:52,715
[woman on TV] And so I... I know!
321
00:21:52,716 --> 00:21:53,883
This is what I'm saying.
322
00:21:53,884 --> 00:21:58,764
[voices continue on TV, indistinct]
323
00:22:00,974 --> 00:22:02,851
Which side do you want it on?
324
00:22:02,852 --> 00:22:04,519
Try the right one.
325
00:22:05,437 --> 00:22:07,898
[woman on TV] So, he's at home and he's vegetarian,
326
00:22:07,899 --> 00:22:11,526
he's gonna make some changes in his diet because of gout.
327
00:22:11,527 --> 00:22:12,903
And they're just easier for him.
328
00:22:12,904 --> 00:22:16,032
And so now I'm balancing more veggies and everything.
329
00:22:16,033 --> 00:22:21,037
So if I want to cook something for him, it's always lighter.
330
00:22:21,038 --> 00:22:21,997
You know, so...
331
00:22:21,998 --> 00:22:24,291
[man stuttering] I put in some white wine,
332
00:22:24,292 --> 00:22:27,086
[dog whines] I put in a little bit of canned tomatoes.
333
00:22:27,087 --> 00:22:29,797
I'm gonna fill this with kale. I'm gonna put the chicken back on top.
334
00:22:29,798 --> 00:22:34,386
It's gonna go in a 375 degree oven for 20 minutes. So it's gonna be delicious.
335
00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:36,096
What do you guys have going on this show?
336
00:22:36,097 --> 00:22:38,681
[woman] Well, look, we can't talk about 500 calories or less
337
00:22:38,682 --> 00:22:43,311
without having Heidi and Chris Powell from Extreme Weight Loss.
338
00:22:43,312 --> 00:22:44,146
[crowd cheers]
339
00:22:44,147 --> 00:22:46,899
[woman continues, indistinct]
340
00:22:48,859 --> 00:22:50,319
Thank you. Mm-hmm.
341
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,405
[dog whines]
342
00:22:52,406 --> 00:22:54,825
[TV continues]
343
00:22:56,243 --> 00:22:57,369
You have hair all over you.
344
00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:59,954
Now you're gonna go into work looking like a mess.
345
00:22:59,955 --> 00:23:01,957
I got it, thanks to you.
346
00:23:01,958 --> 00:23:04,043
Come on. [chuckling]
347
00:23:04,168 --> 00:23:05,585
Oh, you're... [dog barks]
348
00:23:05,586 --> 00:23:08,255
Where are we gonna drive today?
349
00:23:08,256 --> 00:23:10,383
[barking] Hey.
350
00:23:10,384 --> 00:23:14,595
Hey, hey, hey. Quiet down.
351
00:23:14,847 --> 00:23:16,848
All right. All right.
352
00:23:16,849 --> 00:23:18,599
[dogs growling]
353
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:19,851
[Sara, indistinct]
354
00:23:19,852 --> 00:23:20,977
Have fun with the crazy people.
355
00:23:20,978 --> 00:23:23,938
Have fun with the crazy two boys.
356
00:23:23,939 --> 00:23:27,151
Come here! You wanna take me out? Wanna walk me out?
357
00:23:27,152 --> 00:23:30,029
Go tell Daddy bye. Go tell him bye.
358
00:23:30,030 --> 00:23:32,283
[Coby] Bye, Dad. Bye.
359
00:23:34,452 --> 00:23:35,995
[chuckles]
360
00:23:37,913 --> 00:23:39,289
[Coby] Love you!
361
00:23:39,290 --> 00:23:40,958
Love you.
362
00:23:41,792 --> 00:23:42,461
Very squishy.
363
00:23:42,462 --> 00:23:45,837
I mean, you can basically turn these things inside out.
364
00:23:45,838 --> 00:23:49,341
Um, and very, like, stretchy and everything,
365
00:23:49,342 --> 00:23:51,634
very flimsy, so that they mold,
366
00:23:51,635 --> 00:23:53,763
um, and hang different ways.
367
00:23:53,764 --> 00:23:57,058
Coby hangs to the left in case you're curious.
368
00:23:57,059 --> 00:24:00,312
So if he has, you know, one that has the hole,
369
00:24:00,313 --> 00:24:06,318
um, another prosthetic is an STPE, a stand-to-pee device.
370
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:12,241
Um, they make these specifically, you know, for trans guys
371
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:15,161
or for women for camping and everything.
372
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:17,789
Um, this is just made out of medicine spoons.
373
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:21,460
You get it at a drug store. It's, like, a couple bucks.
374
00:24:21,461 --> 00:24:25,214
You'll cut the tip off at an angle, burn it,
375
00:24:25,215 --> 00:24:28,675
so, you know, the flow comes out smoothly.
376
00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:34,390
This part goes up under the urethra and out she flows.
377
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:37,268
And, so, you know, this seems like a small hole,
378
00:24:37,269 --> 00:24:40,688
but, you know, it just...
379
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:45,194
You know, it just fits... right in there...
380
00:24:45,195 --> 00:24:45,861
Okay, it does.
381
00:24:45,862 --> 00:24:48,948
It goes straight in there, straight through here,
382
00:24:48,949 --> 00:24:50,324
um, will come out the other end.
383
00:24:50,325 --> 00:24:58,334
And this is really good for, um, public, um, urination and everything.
384
00:24:58,376 --> 00:25:00,878
So, you know...
385
00:25:05,551 --> 00:25:06,925
[dog barking]
386
00:25:06,926 --> 00:25:11,180
I pushed him a lot to make this transition happen.
387
00:25:11,181 --> 00:25:15,935
Um, at first, it almost felt like a lost cause,
388
00:25:15,936 --> 00:25:17,604
um, through that summer.
389
00:25:17,605 --> 00:25:18,439
It was almost immediate.
390
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:23,318
After the conversation we had, I said, "Okay, well, let's go."
391
00:25:23,319 --> 00:25:24,403
Action.
392
00:25:24,404 --> 00:25:25,737
I'm gonna start calling you "he,"
393
00:25:25,738 --> 00:25:26,947
I'm gonna start calling you "him."
394
00:25:26,948 --> 00:25:28,073
I'm gonna start calling you "Coby"
395
00:25:28,074 --> 00:25:31,578
once we figured out what his name could be.
396
00:25:31,579 --> 00:25:34,830
I helped him pick his name, um,
397
00:25:34,831 --> 00:25:40,837
because he said he had always played video games when he was younger,
398
00:25:40,838 --> 00:25:43,633
and his name was always Jake.
399
00:25:44,008 --> 00:25:49,263
And skateboarding games, any kind of game, his name was Jake.
400
00:25:49,264 --> 00:25:50,556
I said, "What about Jacob?"
401
00:25:50,557 --> 00:25:55,102
I felt so awkward because... I loved it.
402
00:25:55,103 --> 00:26:00,025
On one hand I loved it, but on the other hand it was so new for me.
403
00:26:00,026 --> 00:26:02,612
That is was like... I would, like, smile
404
00:26:02,613 --> 00:26:03,487
and be, like, uncomfortable.
405
00:26:03,488 --> 00:26:06,616
And I'd be like, "You called me "him.'"
406
00:26:06,617 --> 00:26:07,576
She was like, "Really?"
407
00:26:07,577 --> 00:26:12,121
She actually got mad at me. She... Not mad, but she argued with me.
408
00:26:12,122 --> 00:26:15,542
"If you want me to do this, you have to... You have to be in it too.
409
00:26:15,543 --> 00:26:20,880
I can't just be calling you "him, he, male, Jake'
410
00:26:20,881 --> 00:26:22,424
and you laugh about it and giggle about it.
411
00:26:22,425 --> 00:26:24,968
Is this... Are you giggling because you think it's funny?
412
00:26:24,969 --> 00:26:27,221
Or are you giggling because it's uncomfortable?"
413
00:26:27,222 --> 00:26:29,014
And I told her it was because I was uncomfortable.
414
00:26:29,015 --> 00:26:33,561
And then she realized that it's... it's from my perspective.
415
00:26:33,562 --> 00:26:34,480
It's a huge change too.
416
00:26:34,481 --> 00:26:37,065
Like, all these things I've always wanted are finally happening.
417
00:26:37,066 --> 00:26:40,151
So I'm, like... It's like a kid in a candy shop. [chuckles]
418
00:26:40,152 --> 00:26:46,325
I was getting a pair of black flip-flops from Famous Footwear,
419
00:26:46,326 --> 00:26:48,285
and we went up to the cash register,
420
00:26:48,286 --> 00:26:50,454
and I had to pay with my card,
421
00:26:50,455 --> 00:26:52,415
and I'm dumb enough
422
00:26:52,416 --> 00:26:56,670
to have put "See ID" on the back of all my cards about a year ago.
423
00:26:56,671 --> 00:27:00,465
Um, I'm getting cards, new cards, obviously, soon, once I get my name changed,
424
00:27:00,466 --> 00:27:04,094
but, until then, half the people who, like, get the card
425
00:27:04,095 --> 00:27:06,222
have to look at my ID or remember to.
426
00:27:06,223 --> 00:27:11,185
Um, so I gave her my card and she asked if she could see my driver's license...
427
00:27:11,186 --> 00:27:14,397
You really did not say, like, where we were.
428
00:27:14,398 --> 00:27:15,940
I did. Oh.
429
00:27:15,941 --> 00:27:19,944
Anyway, I gave her my driver's license,
430
00:27:19,945 --> 00:27:22,364
and she looked at it and laughed.
431
00:27:22,365 --> 00:27:23,782
She was like, "Huh!"
432
00:27:23,783 --> 00:27:26,243
And... No, it was more like a...
433
00:27:26,244 --> 00:27:28,912
[laughing] and shook her head.
434
00:27:28,913 --> 00:27:31,291
Not like a "huh!" Anyway...
435
00:27:31,292 --> 00:27:33,042
More like a [laughing]
436
00:27:33,043 --> 00:27:36,462
Great. I didn't say anything.
437
00:27:36,463 --> 00:27:38,381
But I did. Mm-hmm.
438
00:27:38,382 --> 00:27:40,300
I straight up looked at this...
439
00:27:40,301 --> 00:27:42,219
Like, she was an older woman too.
440
00:27:42,220 --> 00:27:45,847
I looked at her, and I was, like, "Was something funny?"
441
00:27:45,848 --> 00:27:48,892
And she was like, "Nothing." Or, no, I said, "What was funny?"
442
00:27:48,893 --> 00:27:50,562
I'm like, "What's funny?"
443
00:27:50,563 --> 00:27:55,568
And she's like, "Nothing." I'm like, "That's right."
444
00:27:56,444 --> 00:27:58,403
Literally, that's what I said.
445
00:27:58,404 --> 00:28:01,489
So, you know, we finished the transaction.
446
00:28:01,490 --> 00:28:03,908
Nothing else was said and everything.
447
00:28:03,909 --> 00:28:07,538
Um, she said, "Just need your signature here."
448
00:28:07,539 --> 00:28:10,374
Did we get a like, "Have a good night"? Mm-mmm.
449
00:28:10,375 --> 00:28:14,086
No "Have a good night." Slid the shoes toward us.
450
00:28:14,087 --> 00:28:17,006
So as I was, you know, walking away from the register,
451
00:28:17,007 --> 00:28:20,761
I just looked back at her and, literally, just like,
452
00:28:20,762 --> 00:28:24,098
"You better watch who you're laughing at."
453
00:28:35,152 --> 00:28:39,114
[clock chiming]
454
00:28:52,253 --> 00:28:54,131
[alarm blaring, stops]
455
00:28:57,385 --> 00:29:03,140
[clock striking hour]
456
00:29:11,608 --> 00:29:13,610
[Sara] It'll be nice and warm in here.
457
00:29:13,611 --> 00:29:16,488
[Coby] Careful, it's slippery. Ooh.
458
00:29:16,489 --> 00:29:17,572
[Sara] Hi. Hello.
459
00:29:17,573 --> 00:29:19,157
How are ya? Good. How are you?
460
00:29:19,158 --> 00:29:20,700
Good. What can I get you?
461
00:29:20,701 --> 00:29:24,162
We want two hot chocolates. Yeah.
462
00:29:24,163 --> 00:29:28,251
And what size...? Medium, medium kettle corn.
463
00:29:28,252 --> 00:29:30,254
Medium corn. Yeah.
464
00:29:33,048 --> 00:29:35,508
Oh, I can't wait. I'm so cold. I know.
465
00:29:35,509 --> 00:29:38,178
[machine whirring] It's gonna be delicious.
466
00:29:39,179 --> 00:29:40,515
[sighs]
467
00:29:42,350 --> 00:29:46,520
I feel that we do look heterosexual.
468
00:29:46,521 --> 00:29:50,733
I feel like maybe sometimes
469
00:29:50,734 --> 00:29:58,116
I look at you and envision you having a penis,
470
00:29:58,117 --> 00:29:59,534
and you don't.
471
00:29:59,535 --> 00:30:01,872
Every dream I have of you...
472
00:30:03,164 --> 00:30:06,710
a sex dream, you have a penis.
473
00:30:07,335 --> 00:30:07,920
I don't know why.
474
00:30:07,921 --> 00:30:10,629
It's not something that I'm actively thinking
475
00:30:10,630 --> 00:30:12,632
or wanting you to have. Mm-hmm.
476
00:30:12,633 --> 00:30:16,051
But it's... When you grow up in society
477
00:30:16,052 --> 00:30:20,056
where a man is a man and a woman is a woman,
478
00:30:20,057 --> 00:30:22,225
you just... I don't know.
479
00:30:22,226 --> 00:30:25,730
My brain subconsciously gives you a penis.
480
00:30:25,731 --> 00:30:26,898
Mm-hmm. It's a nice one.
481
00:30:26,899 --> 00:30:30,276
You're pretty big in my dream. [laughing]
482
00:30:30,277 --> 00:30:32,195
[laughing]
483
00:30:32,196 --> 00:30:33,321
Yeah, you're funny.
484
00:30:33,322 --> 00:30:36,116
[laughing] You make me blush.
485
00:30:36,493 --> 00:30:37,618
[Sara] It's random.
486
00:30:37,619 --> 00:30:38,702
It just happens.
487
00:30:38,703 --> 00:30:41,330
It's nothing particular that happens.
488
00:30:41,331 --> 00:30:42,248
Just... I don't know.
489
00:30:42,249 --> 00:30:46,754
I go to bed and I have this dream, and like, "Hey, there."
490
00:30:47,170 --> 00:30:49,798
I mean, I don't... I don't mind...
491
00:30:50,508 --> 00:30:51,132
being me.
492
00:30:51,133 --> 00:30:53,259
In fact, I think it's kind of interesting to be me,
493
00:30:53,260 --> 00:30:55,512
because I get to be a little bit of everything.
494
00:30:55,513 --> 00:30:57,765
I get to have the experience on both sides.
495
00:30:57,766 --> 00:31:01,267
Granted, I don't get the experience I had before now,
496
00:31:01,268 --> 00:31:03,270
because people don't see me as female.
497
00:31:03,271 --> 00:31:05,481
So I can't live under that little umbrella.
498
00:31:05,482 --> 00:31:09,694
Although, people that know me and have known me for many years
499
00:31:09,695 --> 00:31:12,739
and know me now and know that I'm out,
500
00:31:12,740 --> 00:31:14,658
I think they do treat me a little bit differently
501
00:31:14,659 --> 00:31:17,912
because they know that I'm a little bit...
502
00:31:19,622 --> 00:31:21,623
I don't even know how to explain it.
503
00:31:21,624 --> 00:31:23,626
I-I understand them.
504
00:31:23,627 --> 00:31:26,963
I understand the women that I'm around at work.
505
00:31:26,964 --> 00:31:28,923
And they know that I get it on a different level than men.
506
00:31:28,924 --> 00:31:34,303
Like, I'm more sensitive, and I-I can have a conversation with any of the nurses
507
00:31:34,304 --> 00:31:35,806
about something that's a lot more intimate
508
00:31:35,807 --> 00:31:39,017
than they would ever have a conversation with to just a man.
509
00:31:39,018 --> 00:31:41,645
Because they wouldn't expect a man would understand it.
510
00:31:41,646 --> 00:31:43,815
But do you need a penis to do that, or...
511
00:31:43,816 --> 00:31:45,984
No, but if... You just need to be the way you are.
512
00:31:45,985 --> 00:31:49,988
Right. And that's what I'm... Like, like me as a person,
513
00:31:49,989 --> 00:31:51,990
who I am right now,
514
00:31:51,991 --> 00:31:53,783
people wouldn't know a difference.
515
00:31:53,784 --> 00:31:57,871
But people... Knowing I haven't had bottom surgery,
516
00:31:57,872 --> 00:31:59,039
people knowing that I haven't,
517
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,001
because everybody pretty much knows that,
518
00:32:02,002 --> 00:32:04,879
they... I think they still see me as...
519
00:32:05,338 --> 00:32:10,176
somebody that's not fully male or fully female.
520
00:32:16,976 --> 00:32:20,562
[video game: gunfire]
521
00:32:20,563 --> 00:32:24,025
Double points. Uh, I'm gonna need to reload soon.
522
00:32:24,026 --> 00:32:26,777
All right, let's do this. Yeah, now, now.
523
00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,279
[video game noises]
524
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:29,948
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck.
525
00:32:29,949 --> 00:32:31,700
There's a guy on you.
526
00:32:32,076 --> 00:32:33,492
I'm just stabbing him.
527
00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:35,369
How're you doing for ammo there? I'm out now.
528
00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:38,290
All right, that's fine. I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.
529
00:32:38,291 --> 00:32:40,000
Reload. All right.
530
00:32:40,001 --> 00:32:41,376
Oh, I mean I'm out out.
531
00:32:41,377 --> 00:32:43,712
Okay, uh, guy behind you, guy behind you.
532
00:32:43,713 --> 00:32:45,757
Yeah, I'm down. Shit.
533
00:32:45,758 --> 00:32:48,134
[gunfire]
534
00:32:49,595 --> 00:32:50,262
All right, I got it.
535
00:32:50,263 --> 00:32:53,556
There's tons of guys around you. I know, I know, I know.
536
00:32:53,557 --> 00:32:57,436
I... Oh, fuck, I gotta reload. Ah!
537
00:32:57,687 --> 00:33:00,648
And I think you and I have kinda maybe touched on the subject
538
00:33:00,649 --> 00:33:03,984
of how Sara doesn't wanna really have a baby.
539
00:33:03,985 --> 00:33:07,822
Personally, she does not wanna carry a child.
540
00:33:07,823 --> 00:33:08,948
It makes her very uncomfortable,
541
00:33:08,949 --> 00:33:12,452
so if anybody's gonna do it, it would be me.
542
00:33:12,453 --> 00:33:14,037
Oh, that's complicated.
543
00:33:14,038 --> 00:33:15,747
Yes, yes, it is.
544
00:33:15,748 --> 00:33:18,416
So, on top of everything else,
545
00:33:18,417 --> 00:33:21,419
since she has pretty much 100 percent said,
546
00:33:21,420 --> 00:33:24,757
"I do not wanna have a child inside me,"
547
00:33:24,758 --> 00:33:26,175
all the pressure's on me.
548
00:33:26,176 --> 00:33:29,428
That's another reason to kind of... I keep pushing it off
549
00:33:29,429 --> 00:33:32,683
because that might be the only way for us to have a kid...
550
00:33:32,684 --> 00:33:35,102
Mm-hmm. Between the two of us.
551
00:33:35,103 --> 00:33:36,603
Mm-hmm. But, okay,
552
00:33:36,604 --> 00:33:40,607
so you don't really have like a timeline for that kind of thing.
553
00:33:40,608 --> 00:33:42,026
Have you talked about that with Sara?
554
00:33:42,027 --> 00:33:44,319
We've talked about not wanting to have kids. Okay.
555
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,782
And not being sure if we wanna have kids, especially not right now.
556
00:33:47,783 --> 00:33:49,033
All right. So... So...
557
00:33:49,034 --> 00:33:53,122
So the challenge is the time is not now for kids
558
00:33:53,123 --> 00:33:55,165
and the time is now for...
559
00:33:55,166 --> 00:33:57,793
Getting rid of the ability to have kids. Yeah.
560
00:33:57,794 --> 00:33:59,378
Yeah. And it's a final decision.
561
00:33:59,379 --> 00:34:02,214
I mean, it's not like I can say, "I'll have a hysterectomy
562
00:34:02,215 --> 00:34:04,591
and later I'll go back and have a baby."
563
00:34:04,592 --> 00:34:05,634
No. Yep.
564
00:34:05,635 --> 00:34:09,098
It's all or nothing. So...
565
00:34:09,222 --> 00:34:13,143
So, even though I look like crap and I'm sick,
566
00:34:13,143 --> 00:34:14,643
I have to be in this video.
567
00:34:14,645 --> 00:34:20,109
And can we start out by saying this is my seven-week-on-T video?
568
00:34:20,110 --> 00:34:22,154
So, yeah.
569
00:34:22,821 --> 00:34:24,572
Now, Pinky, go.
570
00:34:24,906 --> 00:34:26,824
[sighs]
571
00:34:27,201 --> 00:34:33,748
It's often said that trans guys get dried out when they're on T.
572
00:34:33,750 --> 00:34:37,128
They have lubrication problems.
573
00:34:38,463 --> 00:34:42,257
Jacob's having the opposite problem,
574
00:34:42,257 --> 00:34:43,177
which is fine.
575
00:34:43,178 --> 00:34:44,301
[giggling] Yes, it is.
576
00:34:44,302 --> 00:34:46,637
But he doesn't know how to talk about it
577
00:34:46,638 --> 00:34:50,056
and doesn't know what to say. Or how to say it.
578
00:34:50,058 --> 00:34:53,393
So, basically, he probably just wants to know
579
00:34:53,395 --> 00:35:00,194
if anybody else has had the same issue, opposite issue,
580
00:35:00,195 --> 00:35:03,072
of the normal issue.
581
00:35:03,073 --> 00:35:04,365
Um...
582
00:35:04,491 --> 00:35:08,578
That's it. He just couldn't talk about his...
583
00:35:08,579 --> 00:35:09,370
Downstairs issues. Yeah.
584
00:35:09,371 --> 00:35:13,541
I can talk about them. I just don't know what to talk about.
585
00:35:13,542 --> 00:35:16,880
He orgasms differently too.
586
00:35:17,881 --> 00:35:19,423
I can tell.
587
00:35:20,717 --> 00:35:23,261
All right. It's just, uh...
588
00:35:23,262 --> 00:35:26,223
harder, deeper, kind of feeling...
589
00:35:26,224 --> 00:35:28,641
Better. For him. Yeah.
590
00:35:28,642 --> 00:35:30,518
Mm-hmm. Yay.
591
00:35:30,519 --> 00:35:32,897
Better's always good.
592
00:35:33,231 --> 00:35:36,066
[radio: women singing opera]
593
00:35:36,067 --> 00:35:39,445
[humming]
594
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:51,000
[humming continues]
595
00:36:03,931 --> 00:36:06,432
[ducks quacking]
596
00:36:07,935 --> 00:36:10,771
You want some help? Nope.
597
00:36:15,026 --> 00:36:17,027
Do we need the wheelbarrow anymore?
598
00:36:17,028 --> 00:36:19,655
Yeah, I was gonna mix it in here.
599
00:36:19,656 --> 00:36:20,282
Ah.
600
00:36:20,283 --> 00:36:24,827
It is... I'm amazed at how much I am just used to you being a guy.
601
00:36:24,828 --> 00:36:26,787
You're my son. I have three sons.
602
00:36:26,788 --> 00:36:28,290
You know what I mean? Yeah.
603
00:36:28,291 --> 00:36:29,875
It's just the way it is.
604
00:36:29,876 --> 00:36:30,710
And it... Well, you know,
605
00:36:30,711 --> 00:36:33,753
the beginning was hard, 'cause you kept going back and forth
606
00:36:33,754 --> 00:36:35,797
on the wrong name and the wrong gender
607
00:36:35,798 --> 00:36:37,716
every time I was talking about you.
608
00:36:37,717 --> 00:36:40,385
You know what I mean? "He, she, it."
609
00:36:40,386 --> 00:36:42,013
[laughs] To friends.
610
00:36:42,014 --> 00:36:43,806
"Oh, my son... Oh, my daughter, my son."
611
00:36:43,807 --> 00:36:45,641
You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Right.
612
00:36:45,642 --> 00:36:48,520
Now I don't have that problem anymore.
613
00:36:50,731 --> 00:36:51,857
Everybody always thinks it has to be like,
614
00:36:51,858 --> 00:36:55,777
"Well, you used to be like this and now you're like this. So what's the difference?"
615
00:36:55,778 --> 00:36:57,154
Nothing. There's no difference. You're right.
616
00:36:57,155 --> 00:37:00,073
It's literally the clothes I put on my body. Right. Exactly.
617
00:37:00,074 --> 00:37:03,286
The... The face that I'm shaving. Or... Or anything else you do.
618
00:37:03,287 --> 00:37:05,163
Right. That's it. But you feel like...
619
00:37:05,164 --> 00:37:09,667
Okay, here's the question. About being in your skin:
620
00:37:09,668 --> 00:37:12,670
When you were a girl, were you in your skin?
621
00:37:12,671 --> 00:37:13,505
Why did you change? I mean...
622
00:37:13,506 --> 00:37:17,259
'Cause every time I looked in the mirror, I saw somebody else.
623
00:37:17,260 --> 00:37:18,302
Ooh!
624
00:37:18,303 --> 00:37:19,970
Every time I walked by my reflection,
625
00:37:19,971 --> 00:37:21,513
I forgot that I looked the way I did.
626
00:37:21,514 --> 00:37:24,683
And it wasn't how I imagined myself looking. [gasps]
627
00:37:24,684 --> 00:37:27,561
'Cause you didn't feel like that on the inside, even though you were a girl.
628
00:37:27,562 --> 00:37:30,815
But when you were little, you didn't care 'cause you were just a person, right?
629
00:37:30,816 --> 00:37:34,069
No, I didn't care. Right. Wow, this is big.
630
00:37:34,070 --> 00:37:35,528
Yep. Every single time.
631
00:37:35,529 --> 00:37:36,489
Every time you looked in the mirror,
632
00:37:36,490 --> 00:37:39,574
you didn't see the person you felt like inside? No.
633
00:37:39,575 --> 00:37:40,993
[gasps] You know how you imagine how you look
634
00:37:40,994 --> 00:37:43,537
and you see yourself, and you're like, "Okay, I look good today."
635
00:37:43,538 --> 00:37:46,874
I was like, "Oh, I look like that still."
636
00:37:46,875 --> 00:37:47,876
Not what I thought I looked like.
637
00:37:47,877 --> 00:37:51,129
How old were you when you were thinking like that? Fifteen.
638
00:37:51,130 --> 00:37:52,715
Yeah. Right.
639
00:38:00,682 --> 00:38:03,394
[thunderclap]
640
00:38:05,854 --> 00:38:07,940
Still not working out.
641
00:38:09,191 --> 00:38:10,484
Um...
642
00:38:14,571 --> 00:38:17,283
So, I got everything ahead.
643
00:38:18,034 --> 00:38:19,744
[clears throat]
644
00:38:20,078 --> 00:38:21,913
Um, yeah.
645
00:38:29,213 --> 00:38:31,673
I mean, I am 19 weeks on T now,
646
00:38:31,674 --> 00:38:37,263
and... I pass, obviously, all the time.
647
00:38:37,264 --> 00:38:41,267
I started passing the day I started T essentially.
648
00:38:41,268 --> 00:38:43,602
Um, but in the past couple days,
649
00:38:43,603 --> 00:38:46,063
I've actually gotten called "she."
650
00:38:46,064 --> 00:38:49,192
But it had absolutely nothing to do with passing.
651
00:38:49,193 --> 00:38:51,446
It had to to with people...
652
00:38:51,779 --> 00:38:56,950
that have known me for a while since before,
653
00:38:56,951 --> 00:38:58,661
and they just...
654
00:38:59,537 --> 00:39:02,373
haven't figured it out even though they've been told.
655
00:39:02,374 --> 00:39:07,128
So, that was... That was that fun.
656
00:39:07,129 --> 00:39:09,339
This is physical change. This is taking hormones.
657
00:39:09,340 --> 00:39:16,013
This is doing something really... I didn't know it was safe, you know.
658
00:39:16,014 --> 00:39:17,181
Is this gonna shorten your life?
659
00:39:17,182 --> 00:39:19,975
Is this gonna... Is this good for you in the long term?
660
00:39:19,976 --> 00:39:23,980
Do I... And, of course, I'm sure the biggest thing was no more daughters.
661
00:39:23,981 --> 00:39:28,777
Okay. Now I have not even a daughter, you know.
662
00:39:28,778 --> 00:39:32,072
So... [exhales deeply]
663
00:39:32,073 --> 00:39:34,908
I tried to talk her out of it.
664
00:39:34,909 --> 00:39:37,660
She did counseling for a year,
665
00:39:37,661 --> 00:39:42,249
which you have to do to get any... to have any... to get the hormones,
666
00:39:42,250 --> 00:39:43,335
to get any operations.
667
00:39:43,336 --> 00:39:47,005
And she had to dress as a boy all year and cut her hair short.
668
00:39:47,006 --> 00:39:52,177
And so that's when she took the name "Coby," which is a transitional name.
669
00:39:52,178 --> 00:39:56,682
Um, and then here's what I did, which...
670
00:39:57,351 --> 00:39:59,768
I told Will, I said, "We gotta tell her
671
00:39:59,769 --> 00:40:03,523
they can't live here anymore if she's gonna become a boy,"
672
00:40:03,524 --> 00:40:04,690
which, this isn't even me.
673
00:40:04,691 --> 00:40:07,319
I got about that much of me in the end, you know.
674
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,073
So we sat down at the dining table in the other room,
675
00:40:11,074 --> 00:40:14,159
and... Will and me and Coby, just the three of us...
676
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:15,828
And I said, "Look, if you're gonna do this...
677
00:40:15,829 --> 00:40:18,288
I don't want you to do it, so you can't live here anymore."
678
00:40:18,289 --> 00:40:21,334
I was hoping that would mean that she wouldn't do it.
679
00:40:21,335 --> 00:40:25,004
Well, she started crying within four sentences. We didn't get very far.
680
00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:29,594
And I said, "You know what, you have to do what you have to do."
681
00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:34,307
[chattering]
682
00:40:45,361 --> 00:40:47,820
Ready? Yes, we are. We're ready to eat.
683
00:40:47,821 --> 00:40:50,073
[speaking French]
684
00:40:50,074 --> 00:40:51,700
Now the salad, you wanna dress it?
685
00:40:51,701 --> 00:40:53,910
Or we can pass the dressing around. As you wish.
686
00:40:53,911 --> 00:40:55,912
Pass it. Okay, let's do it that way.
687
00:40:55,913 --> 00:40:58,665
Should the dressing be on a plate?
688
00:40:58,666 --> 00:41:01,335
Yeah, if it leaks. Oh, it's fine, it's fine.
689
00:41:01,336 --> 00:41:03,504
Dead silence. Well. [chuckles]
690
00:41:03,505 --> 00:41:07,925
How about we do our silly little grace? The Waldorf grace.
691
00:41:07,926 --> 00:41:10,220
Can we do that? Sure, okay.
692
00:41:10,221 --> 00:41:12,598
Thank you for the wind and rain,
693
00:41:12,599 --> 00:41:14,433
[others joining] and sunny pleasant weather.
694
00:41:14,434 --> 00:41:19,355
Thank you for the food we eat, and that we are together.
695
00:41:19,356 --> 00:41:23,027
Yes, mangia, mangia. Bon appétit.
696
00:41:28,782 --> 00:41:32,287
[wind whistling] [dog barks]
697
00:41:42,964 --> 00:41:45,134
[whoops]
698
00:41:51,807 --> 00:41:53,808
[father] We had to deal with the consequences issue.
699
00:41:53,809 --> 00:41:55,852
Everybody would say,"Well, you know, if you tick all these...
700
00:41:55,853 --> 00:42:01,234
If you have these physical changes in your body, it's going to be doing things to your body
701
00:42:01,235 --> 00:42:02,985
that may have consequences in the future."
702
00:42:02,986 --> 00:42:06,657
And I had to go back and try to do that supportive thing
703
00:42:06,658 --> 00:42:08,408
that I did with her when she was little.
704
00:42:08,409 --> 00:42:11,829
And I said,"Well, there's consequences...
705
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:17,502
for not doing something that your heart is set upon,
706
00:42:17,503 --> 00:42:21,880
you know, that you feel is so essential for your life,
707
00:42:21,881 --> 00:42:24,550
and you choose not to do it.
708
00:42:24,551 --> 00:42:27,513
Well, there's going to be consequences for that too.
709
00:42:27,514 --> 00:42:32,016
And so, what do you need to do to live better?
710
00:42:32,017 --> 00:42:32,727
What do you want to do?
711
00:42:32,728 --> 00:42:37,774
Because no matter what you do, there's gonna be consequences."
712
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:49,869
I'm scared. I'm excited.
713
00:42:49,870 --> 00:42:54,791
I don't know what I'm afraid of. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not afraid of anything like that.
714
00:42:54,792 --> 00:42:56,210
That's not even an issue.
715
00:42:56,211 --> 00:43:00,047
And I'm not afraid of not wanting it done.
716
00:43:00,048 --> 00:43:01,676
But...
717
00:43:02,175 --> 00:43:04,761
it's just fear of the unknown, I think.
718
00:43:04,762 --> 00:43:06,472
Um...
719
00:43:06,723 --> 00:43:10,851
I have always seen my own self as I am right now,
720
00:43:10,852 --> 00:43:13,395
and it's gonna be so different.
721
00:43:13,396 --> 00:43:14,355
And there's nothing wrong with that,
722
00:43:14,356 --> 00:43:16,940
because I would rather it be different than what I have right now.
723
00:43:16,941 --> 00:43:23,906
But I'm so familiar with my own body that it's gonna be odd to see something different,
724
00:43:23,907 --> 00:43:26,703
and I know I'm gonna be critical.
725
00:43:27,286 --> 00:43:30,038
So... we'll see.
726
00:43:30,039 --> 00:43:33,459
I'm sure I'll love it as soon as I get to see it.
727
00:43:33,460 --> 00:43:36,211
Um... It's funny 'cause I'm sitting here, and I'm like,
728
00:43:36,212 --> 00:43:39,382
"It's my last time doing this and doing that and doing this with boobs."
729
00:43:39,383 --> 00:43:42,677
It's hilarious. I already started putting up pictures and stuff.
730
00:43:42,678 --> 00:43:45,889
Like "My last puzzle with boobs."
731
00:43:45,890 --> 00:43:48,934
[laughs] So...
732
00:43:50,144 --> 00:43:51,936
I don't know.
733
00:43:51,937 --> 00:43:52,606
I'm gonna miss 'em,
734
00:43:52,607 --> 00:43:56,442
not because I want them, but because they're familiar.
735
00:43:56,443 --> 00:44:00,615
Sara is gonna miss 'em for the same reason.
736
00:44:01,114 --> 00:44:05,118
But I'm sure I'll like my chest more.
737
00:44:05,787 --> 00:44:09,331
It's so close. I'm so close.
738
00:44:09,332 --> 00:44:11,794
I'm so... excited.
739
00:44:27,685 --> 00:44:32,774
[wind gusting]
740
00:44:45,831 --> 00:44:48,834
[thunder rumbling]
741
00:44:51,001 --> 00:44:54,798
- [thunder rumbling] - [rain pelting]
742
00:45:01,221 --> 00:45:04,891
[thunderclap]
743
00:45:04,892 --> 00:45:07,395
[thunder rumbling]
744
00:45:13,485 --> 00:45:15,863
This is why I shaved. [chuckles]
745
00:45:17,573 --> 00:45:20,742
Oh, that's a bloody fucking mess.
746
00:45:22,077 --> 00:45:24,954
[winces]
747
00:45:24,955 --> 00:45:26,875
[groans]
748
00:45:29,919 --> 00:45:32,882
Oh, they're so swollen, it's so cute.
749
00:45:39,220 --> 00:45:41,640
Holy shit, that's tiny.
750
00:45:45,561 --> 00:45:47,898
[Sara] Turn to the side.
751
00:45:49,273 --> 00:45:50,567
Wow.
752
00:45:50,650 --> 00:45:52,776
I wish I would have taken "before" pictures,
753
00:45:52,777 --> 00:45:54,278
because he made them, like,
754
00:45:54,279 --> 00:45:56,781
almost a quarter of an inch narrower.
755
00:45:56,782 --> 00:46:00,745
Boy nipples, yay! I get it.
756
00:46:00,870 --> 00:46:02,871
I gotta be careful.
757
00:46:02,872 --> 00:46:05,333
Don't wanna stretch 'em out.
758
00:46:06,751 --> 00:46:07,919
[groans] Ow.
759
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:09,670
[forced chuckle]
760
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,757
[sharp groan]
761
00:46:15,928 --> 00:46:17,512
Oh, my God!
762
00:46:17,513 --> 00:46:19,680
I didn't know you could make them this small.
763
00:46:19,681 --> 00:46:22,851
You're swollen a little under. I'm extremely swollen.
764
00:46:22,852 --> 00:46:26,356
All of this swelling. I don't have boobs.
765
00:46:28,399 --> 00:46:31,946
Phew. [whispers] Wow.
766
00:46:32,905 --> 00:46:34,949
That is so cool!
767
00:46:36,617 --> 00:46:40,329
[laughs, exclaims]
768
00:46:40,663 --> 00:46:43,332
[softly] Yes. Yay.
769
00:46:51,007 --> 00:46:54,011
[motor running]
770
00:47:06,399 --> 00:47:10,319
[motor running]
771
00:47:11,153 --> 00:47:15,826
[lawn mower approaching, louder]
772
00:48:02,125 --> 00:48:04,920
[suctioning]
773
00:48:13,096 --> 00:48:15,766
[suctioning continues]
774
00:48:24,692 --> 00:48:25,901
[motor powering off]
775
00:48:25,902 --> 00:48:28,362
I'm at the end. [Coby] Okay, I'll pull back.
776
00:48:28,363 --> 00:48:32,241
[motor on, suctioning]
777
00:48:52,263 --> 00:48:54,432
[suctioning continues]
778
00:48:56,102 --> 00:48:57,560
[Coby] Is it good? [father] I got it.
779
00:48:57,561 --> 00:49:01,690
Okay. I said the most awkward thing to Sara last night.
780
00:49:01,691 --> 00:49:03,608
[father] Oh, you did? [Coby laughs] Yeah.
781
00:49:03,609 --> 00:49:07,195
Um... We were trying to fall asleep, and we were lying there,
782
00:49:07,196 --> 00:49:09,573
and she said that she didn't feel beautiful at all.
783
00:49:09,574 --> 00:49:12,493
Mm-hmm. I laughed my ass off at this.
784
00:49:12,494 --> 00:49:16,455
[both chuckling] To which I replied, "You should. It's dark."
785
00:49:16,456 --> 00:49:18,249
[chuckles] Ouch.
786
00:49:18,250 --> 00:49:20,043
I'd... [laughs]
787
00:49:20,044 --> 00:49:23,630
Oh, my God, as soon as it came out of my mouth, I was laughing...
788
00:49:23,631 --> 00:49:26,550
You should use those sparingly, I think. [laughs]
789
00:49:26,551 --> 00:49:29,846
[Coby laughs] She did not find it nearly as funny as I did.
790
00:49:29,847 --> 00:49:31,596
Not exactly good marital politics.
791
00:49:31,597 --> 00:49:35,143
I laughed, like, literally for five minutes straight.
792
00:49:35,144 --> 00:49:36,394
Yes, I know, it is funny.
793
00:49:36,395 --> 00:49:39,814
Because it came out of my mouth. I was like, "I can't believe I just said that."
794
00:49:39,815 --> 00:49:44,570
To say "All women are beautiful in the dark" is not... [laughs]
795
00:49:44,571 --> 00:49:48,324
what you call a very diplomatic... [chuckles]
796
00:49:50,744 --> 00:49:53,997
[father mutters] Your hands are very strong, actually.
797
00:49:53,998 --> 00:49:56,124
See. My hands are a little ethereal.
798
00:49:56,125 --> 00:50:00,336
I might've been a piano player. But you have very strong... Chunky hands.
799
00:50:00,337 --> 00:50:02,255
Basic, chunky hands, right.
800
00:50:02,256 --> 00:50:06,135
There we come upon the palm as compared to the fingers.
801
00:50:06,136 --> 00:50:08,554
It's where the length of mine come from.
802
00:50:08,555 --> 00:50:10,389
Look at all these lines in the hands. Hmm.
803
00:50:10,390 --> 00:50:15,686
You can see every cut, and everything on my fingers. Mm-hmm.
804
00:50:15,687 --> 00:50:18,522
My scar's here. And this one's pretty much...
805
00:50:18,523 --> 00:50:23,069
That one sticks up like a sore thumb. [chuckles] No pun intended.
806
00:50:23,070 --> 00:50:24,905
Because nothing sticks to it. I remember that, yes,
807
00:50:24,906 --> 00:50:26,782
'cause that's when you broke your finger. Right.
808
00:50:26,783 --> 00:50:30,285
You broke your... That was on Andrew's birthday.
809
00:50:30,286 --> 00:50:32,538
You fell out of a tree. Every tiny scar shows up,
810
00:50:32,539 --> 00:50:37,252
because nothing sticks to it, 'cause it's not rough, they're all smooth surfaces.
811
00:50:37,253 --> 00:50:39,630
That's why this is like that.
812
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:45,177
[father] Yeah, I could come up and come up with two or three things
813
00:50:45,178 --> 00:50:49,723
that I might think have been critical things about what we did wrong in raising him.
814
00:50:49,724 --> 00:50:53,728
But the implication is then that something's wrong.
815
00:50:53,729 --> 00:50:55,897
There's nothing wrong with Jake.
816
00:50:55,898 --> 00:51:00,568
I don't think... I don't think I can attribute it to a parental failure.
817
00:51:00,569 --> 00:51:05,991
[man] Okay. If anything, I could think that I... our actual, um,
818
00:51:05,992 --> 00:51:11,413
the way we raised our children, in semi-isolation from the culture at large,
819
00:51:11,414 --> 00:51:16,044
through homeschooling and the absence of television,
820
00:51:16,045 --> 00:51:16,921
may have actually gave...
821
00:51:16,922 --> 00:51:21,842
Allowed him to manifest what he really wanted to be, you know.
822
00:51:21,843 --> 00:51:24,845
If we had put him in school, and he had been ridiculed
823
00:51:24,846 --> 00:51:29,599
all the way up through eighth grade for being "kinda not like a girl,"
824
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,270
you know, that might have rigidified him in such a way,
825
00:51:32,271 --> 00:51:34,897
if it didn't put him in juvenile detention...
826
00:51:34,898 --> 00:51:38,776
'cause that's the way he would respond to things...
827
00:51:38,777 --> 00:51:42,363
Might have rigidified him to the point where he couldn't make a change like this.
828
00:51:42,364 --> 00:51:47,828
I mean, actually, that's part of the functions of schools, to make people fit in. Um...
829
00:51:47,829 --> 00:51:50,789
At least, that's my opinion of schools.
830
00:51:50,790 --> 00:51:53,542
Ah, that's black-and-white. That isn't psychological.
831
00:51:53,543 --> 00:51:57,255
She was born that way. She didn't have a choice. She had no choice.
832
00:51:57,256 --> 00:52:00,259
She didn't learn that. And that I know from all my study here.
833
00:52:00,260 --> 00:52:04,763
People used to think, like, being gay was psychological. No, you're born with it.
834
00:52:04,764 --> 00:52:09,101
She had no choice whatsoever. So, that's... You don't have to study it.
835
00:52:09,102 --> 00:52:12,813
There's no psychological reason, Christian. [speaks French]
836
00:52:12,814 --> 00:52:14,357
There's no such thing. Um...
837
00:52:14,358 --> 00:52:19,403
It was in her body from the beginning, or in her mind, or wherever it was.
838
00:52:19,404 --> 00:52:21,573
Right from the beginning. I mean, a doctor told me that.
839
00:52:21,574 --> 00:52:26,370
He said, "There's a change in utero, there's phases you go through,
840
00:52:26,371 --> 00:52:28,706
and one of 'em didn't do just quite right.
841
00:52:28,707 --> 00:52:31,375
It did something different. And there's no choice."
842
00:52:31,376 --> 00:52:34,712
So why... what's to study? Nothing. It is.
843
00:52:34,713 --> 00:52:39,508
I know you guys in France think you can figure everything out. Mm-mmm.
844
00:52:39,509 --> 00:52:41,846
[laughs]
845
00:52:43,848 --> 00:52:46,141
I need to figure out how this... How does it go?
846
00:52:46,142 --> 00:52:48,394
[laughs] I know. Is it like...
847
00:52:48,395 --> 00:52:49,478
There. A shirt or a vest?
848
00:52:49,479 --> 00:52:54,526
Like a vest. Your pink warrior vest.
849
00:52:55,069 --> 00:52:58,029
You know. Like a shirt-vest.
850
00:52:58,030 --> 00:52:59,822
Mmm. Yeah. It's a good look.
851
00:52:59,823 --> 00:53:01,992
It's nice.
852
00:53:01,993 --> 00:53:06,705
That looks like an interesting instrument. Yeah.
853
00:53:06,706 --> 00:53:10,669
If you look closely at it. Yeah. Mm.
854
00:53:12,587 --> 00:53:14,047
[knocking] Ready?
855
00:53:14,048 --> 00:53:14,924
I am. Hi, how are you?
856
00:53:14,925 --> 00:53:17,676
Good, how are you? Yeah? Good. Good to see you again.
857
00:53:17,677 --> 00:53:18,885
Hi. You must be Sara. I'm Sara.
858
00:53:18,886 --> 00:53:22,722
I'm Mary Frances Haerr. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, Dr. Haerr.
859
00:53:22,723 --> 00:53:24,058
Yeah, nice of you to come.
860
00:53:24,059 --> 00:53:26,227
So how are you doing? Good, how 'bout you?
861
00:53:26,228 --> 00:53:27,979
Good, thanks, yeah. Thank you.
862
00:53:27,980 --> 00:53:30,106
So no new concerns or complaints for me?
863
00:53:30,107 --> 00:53:34,194
Have you had any new medical problems in the last year
864
00:53:34,195 --> 00:53:37,530
that you've been treated for, hospitalized for?
865
00:53:37,531 --> 00:53:39,408
Any... I'm pretty healthy.
866
00:53:39,409 --> 00:53:40,326
[laughs] Okay.
867
00:53:40,327 --> 00:53:41,702
No new surgeries? No.
868
00:53:41,703 --> 00:53:43,870
And no broken bones? No.
869
00:53:43,871 --> 00:53:46,249
Okay, and any new drug allergies?
870
00:53:46,250 --> 00:53:49,460
Not that I'm aware of. I'm sure eventually.
871
00:53:49,461 --> 00:53:52,380
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. [Sara] That's all and that's it.
872
00:53:52,381 --> 00:53:53,756
Yeah, that's all. Okay.
873
00:53:53,757 --> 00:53:55,467
And any, um...
874
00:53:55,468 --> 00:53:57,760
I have to say, Jacob, I've known long enough...
875
00:53:57,761 --> 00:54:00,888
The next time you come, you don't have to wear that pink vest.
876
00:54:00,889 --> 00:54:01,640
[all laughing]
877
00:54:01,641 --> 00:54:04,018
It does look a little ridiculous on you.
878
00:54:04,019 --> 00:54:06,311
[Sara laughs] Yeah, you know.
879
00:54:06,312 --> 00:54:09,106
And now, in your family history,
880
00:54:09,107 --> 00:54:12,152
um, anything new in your parents, siblings?
881
00:54:12,153 --> 00:54:16,740
I don't think so. I think Mom's last mammogram came back clean finally.
882
00:54:16,741 --> 00:54:19,909
[Haerr] Okay. Yeah, nothing's new. Yeah.
883
00:54:19,910 --> 00:54:22,496
Okay, so no new...? It's still, still doing.
884
00:54:22,497 --> 00:54:23,913
Okay, great. Um...
885
00:54:23,914 --> 00:54:26,292
And you're still taking testosterone? Yeah.
886
00:54:26,293 --> 00:54:27,877
And what dose are you on right now?
887
00:54:27,878 --> 00:54:30,546
200 milligrams every two weeks. Okay.
888
00:54:30,547 --> 00:54:33,716
She's the one that actually gives me the injection. 'Cause I can't do it.
889
00:54:33,717 --> 00:54:36,303
Okay, great. Five years. I still can't do it.
890
00:54:36,304 --> 00:54:37,762
Okay, okay. No, that's great.
891
00:54:37,763 --> 00:54:40,098
And, okay, and you said no bleeding with that?
892
00:54:40,099 --> 00:54:42,893
'Cause that's one of things you always... always report to me, just...
893
00:54:42,894 --> 00:54:46,314
-No, no. Since my first shot, I've never had any problems. -Okay, great.
894
00:54:46,315 --> 00:54:52,779
Good, so, I'm gonna have you lie back, and let me pull the stirrups out for you.
895
00:54:52,780 --> 00:54:54,655
[metal clanging]
896
00:54:54,656 --> 00:54:55,325
Okay, here you go.
897
00:54:55,326 --> 00:55:00,162
And then if you'll put both hands back behind your head, and...
898
00:55:00,163 --> 00:55:01,997
Hey, guys, what's up?
899
00:55:01,998 --> 00:55:04,166
Um, I have good news.
900
00:55:04,167 --> 00:55:06,503
I just got a paramedic job.
901
00:55:06,504 --> 00:55:09,129
After a year of studying,
902
00:55:09,130 --> 00:55:12,008
I finally get to do what I actually want to do.
903
00:55:12,009 --> 00:55:15,845
I just got off the phone with my dad, and he basically spent, like, 20 minutes
904
00:55:15,846 --> 00:55:20,809
telling me how excited he is and how proud he is of his son, and blah-blah-blah.
905
00:55:20,810 --> 00:55:22,811
It was really, really cute.
906
00:55:22,812 --> 00:55:27,108
Um... But, yeah, I got a paramedic job.
907
00:55:27,109 --> 00:55:32,322
It's not really an update having to do with anything trans,
908
00:55:32,323 --> 00:55:35,534
but it's still a cool update for my life.
909
00:55:35,535 --> 00:55:37,078
Um...
910
00:55:37,370 --> 00:55:39,287
They also only need
911
00:55:39,288 --> 00:55:42,916
my social security card and my photo ID,
912
00:55:42,917 --> 00:55:44,042
actually, to hire me.
913
00:55:44,043 --> 00:55:45,794
They don't need my birth certificate.
914
00:55:45,795 --> 00:55:52,009
Um... And that might mean that I would be male, technically,
915
00:55:52,010 --> 00:55:54,513
under their, um... database.
916
00:55:54,514 --> 00:55:56,806
I don't know how it works. So, that's kind of cool.
917
00:55:56,807 --> 00:56:03,565
So there was the one moment where he was able to check out without anybody batting an eye.
918
00:56:03,566 --> 00:56:08,236
He was just some guy going through the register line like any other guy.
919
00:56:08,237 --> 00:56:10,238
And, like, he was ecstatic in the parking lot.
920
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:14,659
He was so excited that, you know, that that had happened,
921
00:56:14,660 --> 00:56:16,327
that there was no, like, awkwardness,
922
00:56:16,328 --> 00:56:18,705
there was no, like, people didn't know what to do with him,
923
00:56:18,706 --> 00:56:22,917
that he was just a guy, you know, like, he was himself.
924
00:56:22,918 --> 00:56:26,255
Everybody else was just... with that, you know,
925
00:56:26,256 --> 00:56:30,428
like, all the cultural cues were right for him, so...
926
00:56:31,178 --> 00:56:32,596
That was a cool moment.
927
00:56:32,597 --> 00:56:35,641
That was... That was pretty awesome.
928
00:56:35,765 --> 00:56:37,934
You know, like, things that, you know,
929
00:56:37,935 --> 00:56:44,065
things I don't even have to deal with, right, like, in my simple life where...
930
00:56:44,066 --> 00:56:46,776
Where I just, you know, I am who I am,
931
00:56:46,777 --> 00:56:49,238
and society accepts me exactly as I am,
932
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:54,329
and I've never had to push boundaries at all, like, you know,
933
00:56:54,703 --> 00:56:56,497
I don't know.
934
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:02,588
[woman singing opera]
935
00:58:48,745 --> 00:58:53,080
[Sara] I really didn't see anything too drastic,
936
00:58:53,081 --> 00:58:58,713
because I was around him all the time, and it was just happening before my eyes.
937
00:58:58,838 --> 00:59:04,552
The moods and emotions,
938
00:59:04,553 --> 00:59:06,721
his personality in his brain,
939
00:59:06,722 --> 00:59:11,434
that's more what I saw and affected me the most.
940
00:59:11,435 --> 00:59:15,271
The focus is very much taken off of you.
941
00:59:15,272 --> 00:59:17,816
You don't practically exist.
942
00:59:17,817 --> 00:59:20,069
What exists are the changes.
943
00:59:20,070 --> 00:59:22,363
What exists are the research.
944
00:59:22,364 --> 00:59:24,531
Anything having to do with the transition.
945
00:59:24,532 --> 00:59:28,286
All... All revolves around the transition.
946
00:59:28,287 --> 00:59:30,288
You know, "Look at this hair here,"
947
00:59:30,289 --> 00:59:32,290
or "Do you think my voice is deeper?"
948
00:59:32,291 --> 00:59:35,795
or "Oh, I saw this research on this surgery,"
949
00:59:35,796 --> 00:59:41,258
or "I saw this research on this type of testosterone."
950
00:59:41,259 --> 00:59:43,719
It became all of our conversation.
951
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:47,890
It became, you know, all of my day-to-day life:
952
00:59:47,891 --> 00:59:54,649
helping him with picking out things for his transition, um...
953
00:59:56,984 --> 00:59:57,985
It's hard.
954
00:59:57,986 --> 00:59:59,695
And I wish I could say
955
00:59:59,696 --> 01:00:05,701
that it wasn't as dramatic as I'm making it sound, but it is.
956
01:00:05,702 --> 01:00:09,206
Everything really is about that.
957
01:00:17,257 --> 01:00:18,841
[woman singing opera ends]
958
01:00:18,842 --> 01:00:20,551
[man on radio] He called and said that he needs help.
959
01:00:20,552 --> 01:00:23,220
We're not sure what that means, but I can tell you this, man:
960
01:00:23,221 --> 01:00:25,931
When my friend said he needs help, I'm there.
961
01:00:25,932 --> 01:00:28,601
I get to see you, my brother. What's goin' on? [man 2] What?
962
01:00:28,602 --> 01:00:32,313
What's goin' on with the bike? The bike is beautiful. Yeah, isn't it?
963
01:00:32,314 --> 01:00:35,150
Yeah, it is. It's a great bike. What year is it?
964
01:00:35,151 --> 01:00:36,359
It's uh, a '03.
965
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:38,737
Nice. Yeah, and it's a Street Glide, right?
966
01:00:38,738 --> 01:00:40,906
No, it was... it was a standard.
967
01:00:40,907 --> 01:00:41,908
A standard.Yeah.
968
01:00:41,909 --> 01:00:43,033
This bike is beautiful.
969
01:00:43,034 --> 01:00:44,785
Harley got their start way back in 1903
970
01:00:44,786 --> 01:00:49,708
and became the world's largest motorcycle manufacturer just 50 years later.
971
01:00:49,709 --> 01:00:51,376
This Harley Ultra Classic was released
972
01:00:51,377 --> 01:00:54,254
during Harley-Davidson's one hundredth anniversary.
973
01:00:54,255 --> 01:00:56,925
[dog whining] [radio continues]
974
01:01:05,184 --> 01:01:10,605
Before I was on testosterone, I was really emotional all the time.
975
01:01:10,606 --> 01:01:16,570
Um... I was very concerned with how I came across.
976
01:01:16,571 --> 01:01:22,034
I was very quiet and reserved, and kind of, like,
977
01:01:22,035 --> 01:01:22,745
I had to make sure...
978
01:01:22,746 --> 01:01:26,205
"Am I doing the right thing? Is everything okay? Are you mad at me?" Like...
979
01:01:26,206 --> 01:01:30,001
Even to Sara. Like, "Are you mad?" "No." "Are you sure?"
980
01:01:30,002 --> 01:01:32,587
Like, really quiet, meek. [whimpers]
981
01:01:32,588 --> 01:01:34,924
Um... And I would cry all the time.
982
01:01:34,925 --> 01:01:36,216
Like, I was just very emotional.
983
01:01:36,217 --> 01:01:41,680
And then, as soon as I started testosterone, you become flat.
984
01:01:41,681 --> 01:01:47,646
People think men are a certain way because men are just "Me-me-me."
985
01:01:47,647 --> 01:01:48,855
Men are assholes.
986
01:01:48,856 --> 01:01:53,110
No, really, it's actually true.
987
01:01:53,236 --> 01:01:55,279
[inhales] Um...
988
01:01:55,613 --> 01:01:57,280
You don't... I don't care. I really don't.
989
01:01:57,281 --> 01:02:00,785
Sara could be sitting in front of me, sobbing her heart out,
990
01:02:00,786 --> 01:02:03,078
telling me that I'm making her upset,
991
01:02:03,079 --> 01:02:08,209
and I... I'll be, like, "Oh, I'm sorry.
992
01:02:08,210 --> 01:02:10,294
I'm really sorry."
993
01:02:10,295 --> 01:02:13,130
Because it's just not there.
994
01:02:13,131 --> 01:02:16,635
So it's not, like, I don't care, because I care, a lot.
995
01:02:16,636 --> 01:02:18,804
I'm-I'm concerned that she's upset.
996
01:02:18,805 --> 01:02:24,184
I want to do something for her, but you just don't have the same reaction.
997
01:02:24,185 --> 01:02:28,439
And that is the absolute hardest part of transitioning:
998
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:32,485
getting used to feeling different.
999
01:02:32,486 --> 01:02:33,904
Not... Not feeling different,
1000
01:02:33,905 --> 01:02:36,865
but the way you feel about everything is different.
1001
01:02:36,866 --> 01:02:42,454
You don't care as much about certain things. You care more about other things.
1002
01:02:42,455 --> 01:02:43,581
I...
1003
01:02:43,582 --> 01:02:46,042
If I'm upset, I wanna punch holes in the walls,
1004
01:02:46,043 --> 01:02:50,005
and I wanna be a gorilla and just destroy everything around me.
1005
01:02:50,006 --> 01:02:51,339
And I'd never wanted to do that. I mean...
1006
01:02:51,340 --> 01:02:55,510
Granted, I've punched many holes in walls before I was on testosterone.
1007
01:02:55,511 --> 01:02:57,847
But it's a different feeling. You get the adrenaline rush.
1008
01:02:57,848 --> 01:03:02,059
You get that "man" feeling, where you just, like... [chuckles]
1009
01:03:02,060 --> 01:03:04,895
It's testosterone. You wanna break everything.
1010
01:03:04,896 --> 01:03:09,525
And it's interesting, it's 100 percent different than I was before.
1011
01:03:09,526 --> 01:03:14,865
I got a letter from Dr. Medalie in the mail probably like a month ago.
1012
01:03:14,866 --> 01:03:19,370
Um, it's stating that I am...
1013
01:03:19,495 --> 01:03:23,667
male... [chuckles] to put it lightly.
1014
01:03:23,876 --> 01:03:24,543
Um...
1015
01:03:24,544 --> 01:03:28,671
It basically says that I have gone through counseling,
1016
01:03:28,672 --> 01:03:35,055
I have had surgery, and I should be considered a man.
1017
01:03:42,145 --> 01:03:45,231
[siren blares, wails]
1018
01:03:45,357 --> 01:03:47,859
[woman] Am I one of the guys? [Coby laughs]
1019
01:03:47,860 --> 01:03:49,569
Yeah, yeah. I do.
1020
01:03:49,570 --> 01:03:51,780
That's interesting, 'cause I think the exact opposite.
1021
01:03:51,781 --> 01:03:58,203
When I work with you, and not Tucker, obviously, because he's the only man,
1022
01:03:58,204 --> 01:04:00,331
but I feel like the whole tone of the room is different,
1023
01:04:00,332 --> 01:04:03,751
like, it's just more relaxed, and there's not as much, like, manly...
1024
01:04:03,752 --> 01:04:06,004
Don't you feel like when me and you are on and we're chatting,
1025
01:04:06,005 --> 01:04:12,511
don't you feel like the other guy that's on is not really joining in the conversation?
1026
01:04:12,512 --> 01:04:13,929
No, and I think that's, like,
1027
01:04:13,930 --> 01:04:17,182
when I'm working, say, the two of you,
1028
01:04:17,183 --> 01:04:19,351
I feel more feminine now
1029
01:04:19,352 --> 01:04:23,313
than I would if I was working with Mike Mascol, or whatever, you know?
1030
01:04:23,314 --> 01:04:26,484
Because, like when I'm working with women, I get excited.
1031
01:04:26,485 --> 01:04:30,864
"Oh, it's an all-women team today. Oh, and me." I'm like, "Oops. Isn't me."
1032
01:04:30,865 --> 01:04:34,785
But I, like, I revert back to feeling
1033
01:04:34,786 --> 01:04:37,830
female when I work with all women.
1034
01:04:37,831 --> 01:04:39,206
From the inside, I'm still the same person,
1035
01:04:39,207 --> 01:04:44,087
and I still have the same feelings and the same qualities that I did
1036
01:04:44,088 --> 01:04:46,715
before I was a man, if that makes any sense.
1037
01:04:46,716 --> 01:04:52,846
So, looking at the two of you, I'm still... female... [scoffs]
1038
01:04:52,846 --> 01:04:55,598
I guess, to be very, very blunt about it.
1039
01:04:55,599 --> 01:04:57,685
I'm still feminine inside,
1040
01:04:57,686 --> 01:05:01,939
but I connect with my masculine outside and my appearance outside.
1041
01:05:01,940 --> 01:05:06,527
I don't feel like a woman. I don't feel like I should look like a woman.
1042
01:05:06,528 --> 01:05:09,114
And I don't feel... female.
1043
01:05:09,115 --> 01:05:14,494
But I feel comfortable in my feminine self as a man.
1044
01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:17,497
I was gonna say, there's... And there's such a broad range.
1045
01:05:17,498 --> 01:05:23,504
There's such a range, and if you had to ask any person if they have a...
1046
01:05:23,505 --> 01:05:28,718
If they feel like they have a range, if you look at masculine and feminine...
1047
01:05:28,719 --> 01:05:30,888
It's never... There's-There's never... Yes.
1048
01:05:30,889 --> 01:05:35,768
If people are honest with themselves, there's always a range of,
1049
01:05:35,769 --> 01:05:40,106
sometimes I feel... if I'm gonna classify it or qualify it...
1050
01:05:40,107 --> 01:05:47,071
Sometimes I feel more masculine, and other times I feel more feminine, and...
1051
01:05:47,072 --> 01:05:48,198
I don't understand it. Well...
1052
01:05:48,199 --> 01:05:50,325
So, it's not 50/50. It's not a man, it's not a woman.
1053
01:05:50,326 --> 01:05:54,454
I don't understand. "Masculine, feminine." What-What are you talking about?
1054
01:05:54,455 --> 01:05:56,165
[man speaks on PA] What are you talking about?
1055
01:05:56,166 --> 01:05:58,542
You say you feel feminine. What do you mean by that?
1056
01:05:58,543 --> 01:06:01,630
You still feel feminine. [Coby] I feel...
1057
01:06:01,713 --> 01:06:03,965
I mean, do you feel like...? I mean, is it...?
1058
01:06:03,966 --> 01:06:06,425
I don't feel like a female body.
1059
01:06:06,426 --> 01:06:07,886
I don't feel like I should have...
1060
01:06:07,887 --> 01:06:09,429
Look like a girl, feel a girl, act like a girl.
1061
01:06:09,430 --> 01:06:14,434
I feel like I still have my gentle qualities, and I still have my...
1062
01:06:14,435 --> 01:06:16,062
I'm sensitive, and I get women.
1063
01:06:16,063 --> 01:06:19,899
I just get it because I was a woman, and I still am a woman.
1064
01:06:19,900 --> 01:06:24,862
Technically, forever, I will have had this past.
1065
01:06:24,863 --> 01:06:26,156
Twenty-one years I was a woman.
1066
01:06:26,157 --> 01:06:28,909
I relate more to women than I do to men. Right.
1067
01:06:28,910 --> 01:06:31,579
I've only been a man for five years.
1068
01:06:41,548 --> 01:06:42,299
I've noticed that my hands...
1069
01:06:42,300 --> 01:06:45,760
I don't know how detailed this picture is or the video is gonna be,
1070
01:06:45,761 --> 01:06:48,264
but I have a bunch of hair growing on my hands now,
1071
01:06:48,265 --> 01:06:52,017
which is kind of grossing me out, um, just 'cause I don't like hairy hands.
1072
01:06:52,018 --> 01:06:55,563
But I guess it could be worse, 'cause you can't even really tell.
1073
01:06:55,564 --> 01:06:57,481
You can see the hair here, and that's it.
1074
01:06:57,482 --> 01:07:02,195
But I have comb-overs on all of my toes.
1075
01:07:02,196 --> 01:07:06,700
All of them. And I didn't know that until recently.
1076
01:07:06,701 --> 01:07:07,993
And it's a little weird.
1077
01:07:07,994 --> 01:07:12,372
I mean, I don't... I don't dislike feet at all. They don't really bother me.
1078
01:07:12,373 --> 01:07:18,297
And hair doesn't really bother me, but it's just strange, 'cause it's my own toes.
1079
01:07:19,131 --> 01:07:21,842
[panting]
1080
01:07:47,245 --> 01:07:51,332
[whispers] You're shivering. You're shivering.
1081
01:07:51,333 --> 01:07:53,668
Are you cold?
1082
01:07:57,005 --> 01:07:59,299
[whistling]
1083
01:07:59,300 --> 01:08:02,845
[hens clucking]
1084
01:08:03,012 --> 01:08:07,224
[whistles] [clucking]
1085
01:08:10,354 --> 01:08:10,811
Harriet.
1086
01:08:10,812 --> 01:08:14,982
[father] Mostly it's a matter of divesting myself of habitual thoughts,
1087
01:08:14,983 --> 01:08:19,987
like stopping callinghimSuzanne, or Suzanna.
1088
01:08:19,988 --> 01:08:22,991
I always use the full name with him.
1089
01:08:23,075 --> 01:08:26,871
Um, stopping...
1090
01:08:29,082 --> 01:08:31,541
picturing him as my daughter,
1091
01:08:31,542 --> 01:08:33,001
and my memories of him as the daughter.
1092
01:08:33,002 --> 01:08:35,671
Like that running memory, that one's not gone away,
1093
01:08:35,672 --> 01:08:38,925
but there's a whole constellation of those memories.
1094
01:08:38,926 --> 01:08:43,179
And what happens is they just fade as they get replaced by new memories.
1095
01:08:43,180 --> 01:08:46,890
I don't know, I've had two or three years, or has it been eight years? I don't know.
1096
01:08:46,892 --> 01:08:50,229
I can't even give you a chronology of it right at the moment.
1097
01:08:50,229 --> 01:08:54,149
It's been years now of having Jake as a man,
1098
01:08:54,149 --> 01:08:56,903
and seeing him as...
1099
01:08:58,571 --> 01:09:00,281
a well-functioning,
1100
01:09:00,282 --> 01:09:03,827
good-looking, strong man,
1101
01:09:03,827 --> 01:09:07,247
who's definitely a man when you look at him, all right?
1102
01:09:07,247 --> 01:09:08,540
So what it is, it's just sort of like,
1103
01:09:08,541 --> 01:09:13,962
it's a process where all those memories just gradually overlay the other ones.
1104
01:09:13,964 --> 01:09:17,258
The other ones don't go away, but they sort of fade in time.
1105
01:09:17,259 --> 01:09:21,011
There's sort of an exponential fading process with your memory, like.
1106
01:09:21,013 --> 01:09:26,809
My incidents that I remember early in our marriage are pretty far back there.
1107
01:09:26,810 --> 01:09:28,770
They're there if I wanna remember them,
1108
01:09:28,770 --> 01:09:31,314
but the things that are going on now in my marriage
1109
01:09:31,315 --> 01:09:35,611
just sort of fill it and supersede the memories.
1110
01:09:36,696 --> 01:09:40,908
It's kind of crazy how powerful the mind is
1111
01:09:40,908 --> 01:09:42,326
in that you can make this transition,
1112
01:09:42,327 --> 01:09:47,707
and something that feels like it's gonna be, like, hopelessly awkward
1113
01:09:47,707 --> 01:09:49,625
and hard to get right every time,
1114
01:09:49,626 --> 01:09:51,295
and you'll have to constantly make the mental shift,
1115
01:09:51,296 --> 01:09:56,384
and, like, in months of just saying "he" and saying "Coby," like,
1116
01:09:56,385 --> 01:10:00,263
it became easy, and now it rolls off the tongue, right?
1117
01:10:00,264 --> 01:10:02,807
Now I don't even think about it. He is my brother.
1118
01:10:02,808 --> 01:10:04,976
And I guess that's interesting too, right?
1119
01:10:04,977 --> 01:10:09,647
There's no... It's not that I am, like, remembering that he's my brother,
1120
01:10:09,648 --> 01:10:13,486
or thinking here, now, that he's my brother who's actually my sister
1121
01:10:13,487 --> 01:10:15,237
pretending to be my brother, or something like that.
1122
01:10:15,238 --> 01:10:19,658
He is my brother. On a really fundamental level, that just sort of...
1123
01:10:19,659 --> 01:10:25,499
Oh! Here's what Suzanna said after I guessed that she was gay.
1124
01:10:25,500 --> 01:10:28,502
She said, "I was born in the right family, wasn't I?"
1125
01:10:28,503 --> 01:10:29,961
And that one makes me wanna cry.
1126
01:10:29,962 --> 01:10:34,883
Because, yes, you were, Suzanna, you were born in the right family.
1127
01:10:34,884 --> 01:10:38,513
This family will accept you whoever you are.
1128
01:10:38,514 --> 01:10:40,598
And that's... that's perfect.
1129
01:10:40,599 --> 01:10:43,352
It couldn't be any better than that.
1130
01:10:43,353 --> 01:10:46,356
She was born in the right family.
1131
01:10:46,481 --> 01:10:49,901
I mean, heck, we let her do a billion things.
1132
01:10:51,193 --> 01:10:52,820
I think that's the... Yeah.
1133
01:10:52,821 --> 01:10:56,491
And so we worked with her. I mean, we let her be who she was.
1134
01:10:56,492 --> 01:10:58,826
And she had this girlfriend, and we told everybody.
1135
01:10:58,827 --> 01:11:03,790
We didn't care anymore, "Hey, this is our gay daughter. Whoopee!" You know.
1136
01:11:03,791 --> 01:11:09,548
"If you don't like it, stay away from us, 'cause this is our family now."
1137
01:11:24,981 --> 01:11:29,234
[mother] What are your next issues? 'Cause I don't know. You don't tell me.
1138
01:11:29,235 --> 01:11:30,068
[Coby] Hysterectomy.
1139
01:11:30,070 --> 01:11:31,945
Yeah. How do you feel about that?
1140
01:11:31,946 --> 01:11:35,366
I... Sara doesn't wanna have kids. Mm-hmm.
1141
01:11:35,367 --> 01:11:39,704
And then that leaves it to me to bear children. Mm-hmm.
1142
01:11:39,705 --> 01:11:40,913
And if I get rid of...
1143
01:11:40,914 --> 01:11:43,333
But if she doesn't want kids, why would you want kids?
1144
01:11:43,334 --> 01:11:48,088
She doesn't want to physically have kids. She doesn't want to be pregnant.
1145
01:11:48,089 --> 01:11:48,672
Okay.
1146
01:11:48,673 --> 01:11:51,884
So if I get rid of that ability, then we're not having any.
1147
01:11:51,885 --> 01:11:53,218
But you can't last that years and years. Right.
1148
01:11:53,219 --> 01:11:57,681
You'd have to make a decision sooner rather than later. We don't want kids right now.
1149
01:11:57,682 --> 01:12:00,268
I know. You got a big problem. So I have to do it, which is...
1150
01:12:00,269 --> 01:12:04,856
It's just gonna have to happen. And the more I talk about it, the more I realize...
1151
01:12:04,857 --> 01:12:05,609
It makes sense for you.
1152
01:12:05,610 --> 01:12:10,778
But my other main issue is the money part of it.
1153
01:12:10,779 --> 01:12:14,158
Because I have to be off weeks for up to 12...
1154
01:12:14,159 --> 01:12:16,076
Or off work for up to 12 weeks. Yeah.
1155
01:12:16,077 --> 01:12:22,292
And I only get paid 60 percent of my salary for eight of those 12 weeks.
1156
01:12:22,293 --> 01:12:25,587
And 60 percent of my salary and Sara's salary,
1157
01:12:25,588 --> 01:12:27,464
there's no possible way we can live.
1158
01:12:27,465 --> 01:12:31,092
We cannot afford our house. Who pays for the whole surgery?
1159
01:12:31,093 --> 01:12:33,845
Insurance would cover after $3,000.
1160
01:12:33,846 --> 01:12:35,097
Okay. Probably.
1161
01:12:35,098 --> 01:12:38,768
Well, so then you gotta talk to your parents about what to do. Yeah, exactly.
1162
01:12:38,769 --> 01:12:41,647
Well, that's possible. We're not exactly off the map here.
1163
01:12:41,648 --> 01:12:46,401
No, but that's a lot of money, because I don't know exactly how much I'm gonna need.
1164
01:12:46,402 --> 01:12:47,735
I can't be, "Hey, can you loan me this amount?"
1165
01:12:47,736 --> 01:12:50,864
It's gonna be like, "Hey, I'm not going back to work this month.
1166
01:12:50,865 --> 01:12:53,242
Can you give me this amount of money to pay for rent,
1167
01:12:53,243 --> 01:12:54,535
and we'll cover everything else?"
1168
01:12:54,536 --> 01:12:57,997
And it wouldn't be all of rent. Well, your rent isn't that bad.
1169
01:12:57,998 --> 01:12:59,624
1200. I know.
1170
01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:01,042
To me, that's a lot of money.
1171
01:13:01,043 --> 01:13:02,628
To you, it's not, because you're an adult,
1172
01:13:02,629 --> 01:13:07,007
and you've had a lot of money throughout the years, but...
1173
01:13:07,384 --> 01:13:08,841
Your ovaries stop producing eggs.
1174
01:13:08,842 --> 01:13:12,763
Well, I mean, of course, they're already there. But they stop working.
1175
01:13:12,764 --> 01:13:15,849
Your uterus and your ovaries stop working.
1176
01:13:15,850 --> 01:13:18,645
So your uterus starts atrophying,
1177
01:13:18,646 --> 01:13:24,943
which is the same as, like, if you stop using your muscles, they go away.
1178
01:13:24,943 --> 01:13:27,238
So... [dog whines softly]
1179
01:13:27,698 --> 01:13:29,030
when that happens,
1180
01:13:29,031 --> 01:13:33,077
it's not being... Not doing anything, it...
1181
01:13:33,412 --> 01:13:38,332
it can cause cancer, um, because it's not being used.
1182
01:13:38,333 --> 01:13:40,377
If you don't use something, you lose it, basically.
1183
01:13:40,378 --> 01:13:43,338
"You don't use it, you lose it," is the saying.
1184
01:13:43,339 --> 01:13:45,257
Millie. But...
1185
01:13:45,258 --> 01:13:49,679
the longer you have nonfunctioning body parts in your body,
1186
01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:53,267
the more chance there is for the cancer to develop.
1187
01:14:01,776 --> 01:14:04,902
So, with the hysterectomy, usually, what we try to do,
1188
01:14:04,903 --> 01:14:06,613
especially in somebody like you,
1189
01:14:06,614 --> 01:14:10,785
who hasn't had any abdominal surgery before,
1190
01:14:10,786 --> 01:14:13,580
and your uterus is nice and small,
1191
01:14:13,581 --> 01:14:16,999
is to do it laparoscopically.
1192
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:18,668
So, through the vagina,
1193
01:14:18,669 --> 01:14:24,132
um, an instrument will be placed that goes to the cavity,
1194
01:14:24,133 --> 01:14:26,843
so that way the uterus can be manipulated.
1195
01:14:26,844 --> 01:14:30,138
Again, I think leaving the ovary is a good idea,
1196
01:14:30,139 --> 01:14:35,186
because of the concerns long-term for having some sort of
1197
01:14:35,187 --> 01:14:40,107
sex hormone that can help protect your bone strength. Right.
1198
01:14:40,108 --> 01:14:44,488
Rather keep it in now than... We can't put it back in later. We can't put it back in,
1199
01:14:44,489 --> 01:14:48,241
and you don't want to take an estrogen supplement, so... No. Preferably not.
1200
01:14:48,242 --> 01:14:54,665
Yeah. So, you-you-you will have the estrogen production to help protect your bones.
1201
01:14:54,666 --> 01:14:59,629
And estrogen actually gives some cardiac protection too. So... Right.
1202
01:14:59,630 --> 01:15:02,382
That makes sense. Um, so keeping an ovary.
1203
01:15:02,383 --> 01:15:08,515
And one ovary is no less effective than both ovaries.
1204
01:16:05,033 --> 01:16:06,536
[car door shuts]
1205
01:16:07,077 --> 01:16:08,538
[car door shuts]
1206
01:16:21,761 --> 01:16:23,344
Mama's boy. What happened to your hand?
1207
01:16:23,345 --> 01:16:27,223
I burned it yesterday when I was cooking dinner. [laughs]
1208
01:16:27,224 --> 01:16:29,768
I'm pretty good at that. I haven't done it for a long time.
1209
01:16:29,769 --> 01:16:31,061
Did you put anything on it? No.
1210
01:16:31,062 --> 01:16:34,231
You should. All right, I will when I get home.
1211
01:16:34,232 --> 01:16:37,151
Yeah, my baby. This is my baby.
1212
01:16:37,152 --> 01:16:41,574
It's the only one I got left. [giggles]
1213
01:16:43,159 --> 01:16:45,745
Wow! He's mine too, isn't he?
1214
01:16:45,746 --> 01:16:46,747
I know. [Coby laughs]
1215
01:16:46,748 --> 01:16:49,832
Just checking. Just checking. Mama's baby and Daddy's baby.
1216
01:16:49,833 --> 01:16:51,626
Andrew's yours and I'm hers, apparently.
1217
01:16:51,627 --> 01:16:54,378
[snickers] But we're the farmers. No, actually, you're all hers.
1218
01:16:54,379 --> 01:16:56,965
[Coby laughs] Right. I'm ancillary.
1219
01:16:56,966 --> 01:16:58,926
[all laughing]
1220
01:16:58,927 --> 01:17:01,260
An accessory device. Yes.
1221
01:17:01,261 --> 01:17:03,054
[chuckles softly] Yeah.
1222
01:17:03,055 --> 01:17:06,476
[chattering]
1223
01:17:08,102 --> 01:17:11,355
[machine beeping]
1224
01:17:11,356 --> 01:17:16,570
We talked about, um, um, ovary.
1225
01:17:16,695 --> 01:17:18,363
Which? Whichever one you want.
1226
01:17:18,364 --> 01:17:20,741
Come on, you gotta pick one. Which one looks better?
1227
01:17:20,742 --> 01:17:24,160
[machine beeping] Well, here's... You have your appendix?
1228
01:17:24,161 --> 01:17:25,621
Mm-hmm. So, here's my thought:
1229
01:17:25,622 --> 01:17:29,500
is that we would take the right ovary so that, in the future...
1230
01:17:29,501 --> 01:17:31,962
[Coby, indistinct] Yeah, so you would know,
1231
01:17:31,963 --> 01:17:35,381
"Okay, this is the right side, I don't have my right ovary right here."
1232
01:17:35,382 --> 01:17:37,968
[Coby agreeing] I've been thinking about it.
1233
01:17:37,969 --> 01:17:40,303
There's no really rhyme or reason of which one to take,
1234
01:17:40,304 --> 01:17:42,055
but I think, medically, you can say,
1235
01:17:42,056 --> 01:17:46,184
"You know, I don't have an ovary on that side, so it's not my ovary that's hurting."
1236
01:17:46,184 --> 01:17:48,270
[laughs] So, okay? That makes sense.
1237
01:17:48,271 --> 01:17:52,817
So, um, if I get in there, and one looks, you know... Sketchy? [chuckles]
1238
01:17:52,818 --> 01:17:55,653
I'll make that... If one looks sketchy, I'll take the other.
1239
01:17:55,654 --> 01:17:57,657
We're gonna keep the left...
1240
01:18:00,535 --> 01:18:02,662
[loud beep]
1241
01:18:06,457 --> 01:18:08,543
[second beep]
1242
01:18:19,722 --> 01:18:23,518
[family, staff chattering]
1243
01:18:29,523 --> 01:18:33,695
[father] Okay. The EMR and stuff that goes along with it is not so great.
1244
01:18:33,696 --> 01:18:35,321
No. [chuckles] [chattering continues]
1245
01:18:35,322 --> 01:18:37,782
Bye. You folks know where our waiting area is?
1246
01:18:37,782 --> 01:18:41,161
[mother] Yeah. I'm going out with him. Thank you.
1247
01:18:41,162 --> 01:18:45,082
[chattering]
1248
01:18:45,083 --> 01:18:47,669
Take care. Bye. Bye.
1249
01:19:00,307 --> 01:19:05,271
[Sara] So, you're like, what, a half-hour on T?
1250
01:19:05,563 --> 01:19:07,564
40 minutes. 40 minutes on T.
1251
01:19:07,565 --> 01:19:09,273
How do you feel? Awesome.
1252
01:19:09,275 --> 01:19:12,570
How was it? My voice is already deeper. [clears throat]
1253
01:19:12,571 --> 01:19:13,530
[laughs] It was awesome.
1254
01:19:13,531 --> 01:19:16,324
It wasn't painful at all actually. I thought it was gonna hurt a lot more.
1255
01:19:16,325 --> 01:19:21,997
The only part that hurt was when the nurse shoved the needle back in.
1256
01:19:21,998 --> 01:19:23,916
That sucked. That did suck.
1257
01:19:23,916 --> 01:19:24,709
I saw it on your face.
1258
01:19:24,710 --> 01:19:29,464
Any thoughts, emotions running through your head?
1259
01:19:31,092 --> 01:19:36,304
I feel a nice sense of relaxation now, oddly enough.
1260
01:19:36,305 --> 01:19:39,849
It's like all this time I've been hyping it up,
1261
01:19:39,850 --> 01:19:41,102
and now it's done, and I can just relax.
1262
01:19:41,103 --> 01:19:45,107
I'm on T. Like, I've already started. I have a prescription.
1263
01:19:45,439 --> 01:19:47,108
Now I can start. Yes.
1264
01:19:47,109 --> 01:19:50,487
Start the rest of my life. It's nice.
1265
01:19:57,912 --> 01:19:58,454
This is Jacob.
1266
01:19:58,455 --> 01:20:05,170
It is July 3, 2010, and I am one day on testosterone.
1267
01:20:08,381 --> 01:20:09,799
[voice lower] This is Jacob.
1268
01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:12,844
Today is August 2, 2010,
1269
01:20:12,845 --> 01:20:16,306
and I'm one month on testosterone.
1270
01:20:19,309 --> 01:20:20,978
[voice deepening] This is Jacob.
1271
01:20:20,979 --> 01:20:23,772
Today is August 27, 2010,
1272
01:20:23,773 --> 01:20:27,318
and I am eight weeks on testosterone.
1273
01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:32,198
[voice deeper] This is Jacob.
1274
01:20:32,199 --> 01:20:35,660
Today is January 14, 2011,
1275
01:20:35,661 --> 01:20:39,248
and I am 28 weeks on testosterone.
1276
01:20:42,460 --> 01:20:44,211
[voice deeper] This is Jacob.
1277
01:20:44,212 --> 01:20:47,840
Today is April 1, 2011,
1278
01:20:47,841 --> 01:20:51,386
and I'm 39 weeks on testosterone.
98063
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