Original subtitles

This is the jungle.

The vast wilderness of giant, lush foliage...

Of tropical birds and fierce animal life... the killer

tiger... the cunning hyena... the deadly python

that can crush a giant elk... the proud lion...

A fierce lioness stalking her pray to feed her young.

And the buzzards... the scavengers of the jungle.

Soaring lower, ever lower, eager to devour

the dead or the dying.

Kill or be killed... this is the law of the jungle.

And here... what have we here?

Who are these men, and what could they possibly

be doing in this cruel, tropical wilderness?

Father, don't let him kill them.

No, no...

No!

Have you discover who is these men?

Well not yet, Father.

Look, Father... I think one of them is named Mervyn.

Mervyn?

Mervyn?

Who said that?

Which one of you is Mervyn?

Aw, lady, you got us mixed up with two other guys.

My name is Nona.

Hi-ya, Nona... I'm Duke Mitchell.

How you do?

Where are we?

What place is this?

This is the most southern fringe

of Zambians Group... the Island of Cola-Cola.

Cola-Cola?

Sounds like a commercial for some bubble water... ha-ha.

How did we get here?

Some of our men found you lying in the jungle

and carried you here.

Yeah, what do we owe 'em for carrying charges?

Get it... carrying charges... funny line...

Let's laugh it up here, lady.

Oh...

Come here.

How did you get lost in the jungle?

Well we were on our way to do a show for the boys in Guam.

We were in a plane high over the Pacific.

Sammy goes to look for the powder room,

and he couldn't find it.

I went there to show him.

I walked through the wrong door... like a dope

he follows me.

Yeah... lucky thing we had our parachutes.

There we were... lost in a vast wilderness.

We lived on wild berries and raw fish.

It was much better than the raw fish living on us.

You have nothing to worry about.

My father, the chief, will see that you're well cared for.

Me, Chief Rakos... King of this island.

Well, gee... you sure look super,

Chief... Super Chief... Get it?

Hi-ya, Chief... I'm Duke Mitchell.

This is my partner Sammy Patrillo.

You know Mitchell and Patrillo...

Songs, Dances and Snappy Patter.

Have tuxedo, will travel... but not this far.

Welcome to our island.

We are honored.

Our house is yours.

Yeah, well remind me to get some now

wallpaper in here, will ya?

Shh!

Tonight we have great luau... to celebrate you.

My people will sing and dance for you.

Gee, that sounds great.

We'll do likewise, I'm sure.

Ah, this wamba... To-do-do... shake it, toots,

shake it... go... Go... go... dad... go.

Hey, cut it out.

Don't mind my friend.

He's young, He's foolish.

No doubt... come.

See that?

You made the Chief mad.

That's OK, he wasn't a good dancer anyway.

You know some day I'm going to let you fry in your own grease.

Can you make it chicken fat, maybe?

Why are we eating off the floor?

What's the matter... Can't they afford chairs?

Shh

Hmm?

What's that?

OK, bonga-bonga.

Since when do you talk a native language?

I just started today.

Well, what did he say?

What'd he say?

I don't even know what I said.

No, don't hit me, Dukie... It hurts me in the head.

That's a wonderful dance they're doing.

My people are happy to entertain you.

Well Sammy and I really appreciate it.

Yeah, well I'd be more entertained

if I had a pretty girl to talk you.

Yeah, why should Duke have all the meat and potatoes?

Meat and potatoes?

Don't mind my friend.

He speaks in a vernacular.

I do?

Gee... I wanna girl just like the girl the other...

That's easy... I'll call my sister.

You have a sister?

Yes.

Oh boy... ha-ha.

Saloma?

Yes?

Come here.

Wow-wee, she's got a sister, and she's all for me, Dukie.

Yeah... lots of luck.

Yes?

I have very nice friend for you.

Oh?

See... the little one.

Dukie... and it's all for me... Dukie... no, no, no.

Oh, I like.

Go.

This is Saloma.

This is your sister?

My baby sister.

Saloma, this is Samuel.

Well it's been nice knowing you.

So long, Salami.

Saloma like you.

Saloma think you beautiful.

Saloma needs glasses.

You eat.

I don't wanna eat, thank you.

You eat.

No, I told you I don't want to eat.

Hey Dukie, I gotta get away from this blimp

or she'll kill me.

Well you asked for it.

I got it.

When locked in a corner, do a routine.

Go.

Great.

You eat.

Oh, that's what I get for... please...

Would you let go of my shirt?

What are you trying to feed me for?

You're not my mother.

You can't feed me.

Saloma!

Aw!

After all, I've been eating for a long time.

I know how to feed myself.

I've been feeding myself ever since I was a little boy.

Do you understand?

Oh, well good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome to showtime at the Royal Tiasian.

And what a wonderful show we have lined up for you tonight.

You know... as you know, this is my first visit

to your beautiful island of Cola-Cola.

And I want to tell you that the climate's wonderful.

It really makes a guy feel full of Pepsi.

Get it... cola-Pepsi... Pepsi-Cola?

Ha-ha.

Gentlemen of the jury, I'd like to ask

the prisoner one question.

Have you ever been up before Judge Schmidt?

I don't know... what time does Judge Schmidt get up?

You want to hear a funny one?

On the way over the island, a fella stopped me

at a coconut tree and he said, I haven't

had a bite for three days.

You know what I did?

I bit him.

What he say?

Ha!

I knew you'd get on of them eventually.

All I ever mean in 'em... wow-wee.

Listen to this one... Listen to this one.

Did you take a bath this morning?

Why is there one missing?

I thought I told you to wait in the truck.

You dance with Saloma?

Aw, this is ridiculous... I got...

Oh, come... dance.

You left your motor runnin', kid.

I don't want to dance with you.

You're breaking my arm.

Will you let go of my arm, already?

Saloma!

Wait... let go of me.

Don't get physical.

I.

Saloma!

Don't hate me, please.

ARGH!

Do you think, perhaps, she is too rough?

Probably doesn't know her own strength.

Ahh-don't take me... ahh...

Saloma?

My father says, do you wish to dance for us?

Well I don't dance, but I'll do eight or ten tunes for you.

Well that's fine.

All righty.

OK, fellas... let's wrap it.

You... now you... you.

Do I want you?

Oh my do I. Baby, indeed I do.

Do I need you?

Oh my do I. Baby, of course I do.

You know that I'm the one who found you.

That's why I'm always hanging around you.

Do I love you?

Oh my do I. Baby, indeed I do.

Come on will ya?

Saloma think you're beautiful.

Do I want you?

Oh my do I. Baby, indeed I do.

Do I need you?

Oh my do I. Baby, of course I do.

You know that I'm the one who found you.

That's why I'm always hanging around you.

Do I love you?

Oh my do Baby, indeed I do.

Baby indeed I do.

Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Babe... because I do.

'Cause Baby, yes sir, Baby... 'cause Baby indeed I do.

Boy look at the moon.

You wouldn't think it was the same one that was shining

over the Bronx, Brooklyn, Coney Island.

But it is.

Yeah, but it's so much bigger and better out here.

You sure have a beautiful place to live in.

I've heard about places like this.

Read about them.

In fact, I've even seen them in movies.

Never really expected to be here, though.

Yes, we have everything here to make

us happy... a calm, peaceful atmosphere.

No noisy streetcars or automobiles.

No rushing around in and out subways.

No smoky factories smudging up the air we breath.

Say, how come you know about these things?

And how come you talk like a college girl?

Perhaps it's because I went to college.

Come again?

I was sent to your country to be educated.

Someday I will be queen of this island.

My people would like their queen to be smart.

Well what do you know?

Sammy!

You know, I kinda hate to leave this place.

Then why go?

Huh?

Do you have to go?

Well, we're part of an entertainment group.

We're due to entertain the boys on Guam.

In fact, we're overdo.

How do we get off this island?

Do any ships stop here?

Oh yes.

A ship stops once every two months.

Oh, we'll have to do better than that.

Perhaps Dr. Zabor can help you.

Dr. Zabor?

Yes, he's the only white man on the island.

Well how come we haven't seen him?

Where is he?

He lives on the other side of the island.

He's a scientist working on an experiment in evolution.

He's very clever, and we are in the midst of a series of...

Did you say "we"?

Yes, you see, he hired me as his assistant.

Oh.

Tomorrow I shall take you to him.

He'll be very glad to see you both, I'm sure.

Oh, great.

Hey Duke... Dukie...

What?

Oh, never mind.

He went that away.

Run for your lives.

Go on... get out of here.

Run for your lives.

Sammy?

Maybe I should run for mine, too now.

Sammy!

Sammy!

Oh, pardon me.

Help!

Sammy!

Sammy!

Leave me alone, will ya'?

Get out of here and leave me alone.

Here we are.

Well, thanks for seeing me home.

That's the custom of the islands.

No kidding?

Yes, that's right.

Well, there's a switch.

What other customs do you have?

Oh, many quaint ones.

I shall tell them to you sometimes.

Well that will be peachy.

I must go.

It's getting late.

Good night.

Wait a minute.

You can't take a guy home and then

leave him with just a good night.

No?

No.

Ahhh... Dukie... ahhh... Dukie!

Let me go!

Let me go, will ya?

See, Saloma bring you home, yes?

Yeah, thanks loads.

But you didn't have to go out of your way.

Shut up, Cuckoo.

It's a custom of the island.

Right?

Right.

Well, we better go.

Until tomorrow?

Come, Saloma.

Good night, my little one.

Get her out of here.

Get her out... get away... get out of here.

Bye.

Yeah, wait for me in the glove compartment, will ya'?

Well?

Well what?

Well aren't you going to carry me across the threshold?

Get out of here.

How much further do we have to go?

Oh, not very much.

Boy now I know how Livingston felt

when he couldn't find Stanley.

You have that wrong.

It's just visa versa.

Visa what?

Visa versa... Livingston didn't find

Stanley... Stanley found Livingston.

This is visa versa?

That's right.

What are you looking for?

I expect Two-Ton Salami to come out

here charging after me at any minute.

Oh, don't worry about that.

She won't.

None of my people venture very close to the castle.

It is forbidden.

Castle?

What castle?

The castle where Dr. Zabor lives and works.

Well, how come you go there and work?

I don't share all the beliefs of my ancestors.

Where is this castle?

There it is.

Cozy little shack.

I wish it was on 42nd Street and Broadway.

42nd and Broadway?

What kind of a crack is that?

Well if it was on 42nd and Broadway,

we'd be standing in front of the Automat.

And boy, could I use a good cup of coffee right now.

Come on, Duke.

Hey-hey-hey... wait for me.

This looks like death not only took a holiday,

but he got a hangover from taking it.

Oh, this looks like Sing-Sing.

I got to get out of here.

What are you worried about?

What me?

I ain't worried.

Just wish I was back in Brooklyn playing the Loew's Pitkin,

that's all.

Good morning, Chulak.

Morning.

Tell Dr. Zabor I am here, and I bring two white visitors.

I tell master.

Close the door.

Close the door.

Close the door.

Oh, that's me.

Master... no what is it, Chula?

Why do you disturb me?

The girl... she is here.

Since when does she have to be announced?

She has two men with her... white men.

White men?

Who are they?

I not know, Master.

Come on, Dukie, let's go.

The doctor's probably busy.

And besides, I forgot something at the hut.

What?

I forgot to stay there.

I'm getting out of here.

Relax cuckoo you want to get off this island, don't you?

Sure, I want to get off the island.

Well the Doctor's going to help us get off... isn't he?

Yes, Dr. Zabor's a very brilliant man.

Brilliant man, huh?

Anybody who'd live in a creep joint like this

must be a moronic idiot.

Good morning.

I'm Doctor Zabor.

Welcome to my creep joint.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry Mr. Idiot... I didn't mean

to call your creep joint a creep joint.

Ah, think nothing of it.

Doctor, I would like you to meet my friends.

Yes.

Hi-ya, Doc.

I'm Duke Mitchell.

This is my partner, Sammy Patrillo.

We were on our way to do a thing.

Don't I know you from someplace?

I don't think so.

Psst... hey Dukie... come here.

I think I know where you know this guy from.

Where?

Ain't this the fellow with the hand and the face...

Biting people on the neck and wearing capes?

You're crazy.

Watch out for bats.

Wait a minute... I'll prove it you... watch.

Doctor Zabor?

Yes.

Would you do me a favor?

What is it?

Make a face.

What?

Thanks... see... What did I tell you?

No go over and apologize.

I ain't going to do it.

Come on, you embarrassed me.

Go over and apologize.

Come on.

Doctor Zabor?

Yes.

What do you go around scaring little children for?

What are you doing?

What's the matter with you?

Don't mind him, Doc.

He thinks you're the guy that goes around biting little kids

on the neck... you know what I mean?

It's him.

Doctor, my friends fell out of a plane

and landed on the island.

They would like to get back to civilization.

I told them you could help them.

That's possible.

Thank you, Doctor.

It may take several days to make arrangements.

In the meantime, please, accept my hospitality.

Allow me to furnish you with suitable clothes.

Gee, thanks Doc... But no capes, huh?

Oh, Chula...

Yes, Master?

Take these men to my room.

Yes, Master.

Pick out anything you want from my wardrobe.

When you have changed, Chula will bring you to the study.

Follow Chula.

Come.

The most interesting cranium.

Strange... but interesting.

You really think so?

Oh, what a charming compliment.

It was very thoughtful for you to bring these men here.

I'm sure I can help them.

I was hoping you would.

I would do anything for you in my power.

Please, Doctor Zabor... I'll be in the laboratory, Doctor.

Why do treat me so cold, my Dear?

Don't you know I love you?

I want you.

Oh, what is wrong?

Why do not accept my love?

Please, Doctor, must we go over that again?

Yes, we must.

You shall love me.

Certainly nice of you to fix us up like this, Doc.

Yeah, I always wanted a Palm Beach suit, thanks.

Very happy to do it.

It's quite a drug store you got here, Doc.

This is my laboratory.

Laboratory?

No kidding.

Hey, Duke, look... looks like the monkey house in the Bronx Zoo,

doesn't it?

Only it's more, of course.

They are my guinea pigs.

Guinea pigs?

They look like monkeys to me.

They are monkeys... silly boy.

They are so monkeys.

Certainly they are monkeys.

But they also guinea pigs... for the reason I

use that I use them in my experiments.

You understand, yeah?

No.

Hey, Doc, what's this?

Streptococcus.

Yeah, no kidding.

Hello Strept-eye and Cock-eye... ha-ha.

Don't mind my friend.

He has a one syllable brain.

I can see that.

What kind of experiments are you making, Doctor?

Oh, I'm performing a series of experiments in evolution.

Evolution?

What's evolution?

Scientists have proven that all living things

originated in a process of evolution.

They also know that there is a growth force that tends to make

genetic changes physiologically or morphologically.

Chimpanzees and gorillas are the highest members of the ape

family and are the ancestors of man.

Darwin, in his "Provisional Hypothesis of Pangenesis"

assumes that every living cell contains a gemmule,

which is a hypothetical granula.

I have found the chemical formula

that simulates the growth force.

But nature takes years.

I can, in a matter of hours, make

a complete embryonic metamorphosis...

Both physiological and morphological.

Do you understand?

Well, uh...

Sure.

What?

Yeah.

You mean you understood him?

Mhm-hm.

What'd he say?

What'd he say?

Well he was just trying to say that due to the great lines

of Swedium, which have been perplexed by the fact that

the last type dog had it's first origin...

You can't confuse tyrannical and spasmodic

conditions when it is never...

Shut up.

Confused as a satellite of inconvenience.

Shut up.

With physical embryonic physical morphesis

and... methods... period.

Master, Pepe Bordo here to see you.

And in conclusion, I'd like to add that if you took

the embryonic metamorphosis, the only thing...

Shut up.

What's she so mad about?

Oh, Ramona isn't mad.

She just wants to play.

Come... I'll show you.

Well, Ramona... do you like our friends?

Do you want to come out?

No, don't let her out... don't let her out.

Oh, Ramona's a pet.

She's very tame... watch.

All right, Ramona, open the door.

Open the door.

Open the door, Ramona.

That's a good girl.

Come on out now... come on.

That's a good girl.

I want you to meet my friends.

Shake hands with Dukie. Shake hands.

Hi Ramona.

Good girl... and now I think I want you to kiss Sammy.

No, no, no... get her out of here.

Get her... I don't want to know.

I don't... I don't want to.

No, no... get her out of here.

Aw, she won't hurt you, Sammy.

Hey, you know something Dukie?

What?

She looks a little like our agent, huh?

Yeah.

Pepe has come for some acid for his batteries, Nona.

Very well, doctor.

Come on, Ramona... That's a good...

Into your cage... that's a good little girl.

All right, Pepe.

Thank you.

This is Pepe Bordo.

Mr. Mitchell... Mr. Patrillo...

Hi-ya, Pepe.

How are you, Mr. Bordo?

Please to meet you.

Ah, Pepe is representing the law on the island.

Oh, a cop, huh?

You call them a cop.

My friends are from America.

How did you get here?

There has been no boat for months.

Oh, we just dropped in... ha-ha.

They parachuted from a plane.

Oh.

Pepe has the only means of outside communication

on the island... a small, wireless outfit.

Gee, maybe you can get us off this island

while there's some passing ship or something.

Yeah, you know Morris Code- da-da, da-da, da, da, da.

What does that mean?

Da-da, da-da, da, da, da.

What does that mean?

Well, my transmitter only carries to the neighboring

islands... a little over 100 miles.

But some ship my pick her up.

I shall try.

Well, thanks a lot.

Gee, that'll be peachy.

Here you are, Pepe.

Oh, thank you.

And thank you, too, Doctor.

My pleasure.

Gentlemen. It has been a pleasure.

Same...

And don't forget... Da-da, da-da, da, da, da.

I see you to the door.

Wow, it will great if we can get a ship to stop here,

won't it?

Sure will... sooner the better.

Gee, Nona, why didn't you tell us there

was a wireless outfit on this island?

I... I just didn't think, I guess.

Well, if a ship stops here, we can go right out to Guam.

Gee, Honey, what's the matter?

Nothing.

Come on Baby, don't feel that way.

Come on Baby... smile.

It's getting awful sticky around here.

What do you want?

What... what... what are you doing?

Ha-ha... that's pretty cute, you know.

What are you doing?

Help, Dukie... Get me out of here.

Help Dukie... Dukie, get me out of here, will ya?

You know something?

I don't like the way that Doctor Zabor

looked at you a couple times today.

And do you know something?

I don't think Doctor Zabor liked the way you looked

at me a couple of times tonight, either.

Well it's just too bad.

And I don't know if I like the idea of living here or not.

Why not?

Well, it's too far from the village... and you.

But I'm there every day.

Yeah, but you're always busy.

You can always take me home at night.

Well... I guess that'll have to do until

I can think of something better.

I shall have my father invite all of you

to dinner some night soon.

Would you like that?

I can hardly wait.

Anything else, Master?

No... go to bed.

Good night, Master.

Good night.

Fine thing... he knows I'm afraid to be left alone.

Well I wouldn't think of letting you go home alone.

I'll see you home.

Well, thank you very much.

But wouldn't Sammy like to come along?

Oh no... Sammy wouldn't like to come along.

Sammy's tired.

Sammy's tired... Sammy's tired... How does he know if I'm tired?

Come to think of it, I am a little tired.

Is that you, Duke?

It's about time you got home.

Lie still... will you go to sleep.

Cut it out, will you... go to sleep.

Hey Duke... what's with the angora patch?

Ramona... how did you get up here?

Come on... you got to go back to your cage.

Come on, Ramona, let's go.

Atta baby, come on.

What are you doing with Ramona?

What am I doing with Ramona?

Are you kidding?

I'm upstairs sleeping in my own bed... and very

peacefully, mind you.

The next thing I know this is staring me right in the kisser.

The whole thing's very ambiguous.

Take her back to her cage.

What?

Take her back in her cage!

All righty.

All right, Ramona, now it's time to go beddy-bye.

Get into your cage.

Oh, no you don't.

You're not going to lock me in again.

All right... going to hang on to that tonight.

Now what do you want?

Oh, you want I should sit down and rock you to sleep, huh?

Oh, OK.

Come on, Ramona... Up we go... and over.

Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top.

When the wind blows... cut Ramona,

you got to go to bed... The cradle will rock.

Do I want you?

Oh my... do I... baby.

Indeed I do.

Do I need you...

Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top.

When the wind blows the cradle will rock.

Boy what a night... what a moon...

Could reach right up and touch it.

Well, good night.

Sammy in bed?

No... still in the laboratory.

In the laboratory?

What's he doing in there?

Humph... putting Ramona to bed.

Babysitting the chimp?

This I got to see.

Oh no... now I've seen everything.

Good night, Cuckoo.

Chief Rakos' honored to have great Doctor

visit his humble abode.

And how goes the scientific work?

Good, I hope.

Huh?

Oh yes... fine, fine.

Everything is progressing satisfactorily.

That is good.

Mhm, this is great.

Try this.

Hey... I like that.

Hey Duke... get a load of that, will ya'?

Does he sleep with that thing on?

You eat.

Look... I told you 40 times... get out of here.

I know how to feed myself.

You gotta eat to grow fat.

Wait... will you get out of... get out of here.

I know how to eat my own food.

Duke, will you make her stop already.

Fight your way out of it, kid.

She outweighs me.

Oh, I get it... you're going to go out that door.

I'm going to go out this door.

And then we're going to meet over there.

Right?

Oh, that's a very good idea.

Oh, by the way, here's the bowl...

You get two cents back for it.

Excuse me.

Sammy!

Sammy!

What are you laughing about?

I was just thinking... I had the fall

out of a plane to meet you.

Baby, when we get back to the States,

we're going to have a big wedding...

With all the trimmings.

But Darling, my father will probably

wish me to be married here with a full tribal ceremony.

OK, OK... we'll get married in a Carbond by a motormen

if you want... just so it's you.

This belonged to my great, great grandmother.

In your country, it is the custom for the man

to give his sweetheart an engagement ring.

Here... this is the custom.

Where'd you learn that tune?

That used to be my favorite tune in college.

No kidding?

That's right.

Well it's one of the tunes in our act.

Really?

Too soon... it was only

part of the game you played.

You're smile only added life to your masquerade.

Too soon... I'll be more than willing to give my heart.

Too soon... for a kiss that offers a world apart.

And just like a fortune teller, I take your hand.

But only misfortune beckons at your command.

You promise a future bright with the early dawn.

But when I awake tomorrow, will you be gone?

Am I waiting in vain?

May I kiss you again?

Please don't hurt me or ever dessert me.

Am I too late too soon?

To your health, my good Doctor.

To yours.

Mighty Chief Rakos... I thank you for your hospitality.

But it grows late and I have much to do tomorrow.

Good night.

My pleasure you come.

Goodnight.

Many kisses... she talked marriage...

She give boy necklace... Very serious.

Very interesting... Very interesting.

Chula?

Yes Master?

Open the cage.

All right... open it.

Pick her up.

All right... lay her down.

She will be big like gorilla, no?

No... I think not.

I think not.

Master... she is back to little monkey.

What is wrong?

Nothing is wrong, Chula... nothing.

Now I can change a man into a gorilla.

A man to a gorilla.

Not me, Master... Not Chula... please.

No Chula... not you.

Good morning, Chula.

Morning.

Good morning.

Good morning... I'm sorry I'm late doctor.

Perfectly all right, my dear.

I slept late myself this morning.

I have a surprise for you.

It wasn't strong enough.

It worked... but it wasn't strong enough to hold.

What did you say, Doctor?

It wasn't strong enough.

I thought I... nothing my dear.

Good morning, Ramona.

Come and shake hands.

How are you today?

Aw... I forgot to bring you something.

When are we going to get out of here, Duke?

How should I know?

Yeah... fat lot you care.

You're happy here... You've got Nona.

After all... where you going to find a Nona in the Bronx?

You know, you got something there, Chump?

Me... the two-legged blimp's got me crazy.

I nearly froze to death last night

in those trees trying to get away from her.

Imagine me trying to do a Tarzan.

I ain't got the build for it.

We'll, I'll go look up this guy,

Pepe... see if he's contacted any ships.

You want to come along?

And run into Salami?

No thanks.

Oh... try to keep out of Ramona's cage will you?

Very funny... very funny... ha-ha-ha-ha!

Keep out of Ramona's cage.

What does he think I am... An idiot or something?

Hi-ya, Baby.

Well, so early in the morning?

Well I'm on my way to see Pepe.

We got to get back to the States.

I'll go with you.

All right.

Why Nona?

Yes?

I need you in the lab.

Very well... you'll never find Pepe's place by yourself.

Go to my father.

He'll get you a guide.

All right... I'll see you later.

Morning everybody.

Where is everybody?

Hello... hello... hello... Hello... good morning.

Good morning.

Hi-ya, Pop.

Good morning.

And how you today, my little anthropoid?

Anthropoid?

Where'd I get that one?

Oh well.

How about a little streptococci... streptococcai.

Never mind that.

When you get through with that, will you make a malted?

Master?

I think will be all for today Nona.

I want you to take our guest along with you

to the village to me your friend, Duke.

All right, Doctor.

Come along, Sammy.

Good Chula... very good.

First we make sure he does not come to until we're finished.

There... put him into the cage.

Take off his clothes.

Remember Noni... you promised to protect me from Salami.

You mustn't be afraid of her.

She's only a baby.

Yeah... a baby elephant.

Hey look... the funniest things grow on these trees,

don't they?

Why it's my necklace.

Yeah... that's right.

The one Dukie had on.

I wonder how it got here.

He's awful careless with his jewelery.

Don't tell him found it.

I want to tease him about losing it... make him worry a little

before I give it back.

Serves him right.

That's it.

How long it take, Master?

I don't know... quiet.

Oh, you are back, my little one.

Remember Noni... you promised.

No Saloma...

Just a little?

Not a little.

Aw.

Did our father supply Duke with a guide to go to Pepe's?

Duke not come here.

You're sure?

I'm sure.

He must have gone to find Pepe alone.

That's bad.

Dooga?

Asmo?

What'd you tell them?

To look for Duke.

Good... and hurry!

Fradosh now!

Let's go back to Doctor Zabor's.

He may have turned back looking for this.

All right.

Come on.

Me go to.

No Saloma.

No, No... a thousand times, no!

No, no... a thousand times, no.

Now let's see if my lovely Nona will prefer you to me.

Suppose he ain't here... then what?

Then he must be lost in the jungle,

and we better go find him before it's too late.

Dukie... come out, come out wherever you are.

Maybe he's hiding.

Duke!

Hide his clothes in there.

And put Ramona in there, too.

Oh, have you seen Duke?

No.

Dukie!

Maybe he's in the laboratory... come on.

Doctor did Duke come...

Where'd he come from?

Another step in my experiment, my dear.

Ramona is now a gorilla.

Ramona?

This is Ramona?

Yes.

Boy... I'd hate to have to rock her to sleep now.

Do you intend to advance her one more step?

To the human level?

No.

I don't blame you, Doc.

That's the stupidest looking gorilla I ever saw.

Did Pepe have any good news for our friend, Duke?

I don't know.

We can't find him.

He must be lost in the jungle.

Some of my people are searching for him.

Sammy, I think we better go back to the village.

Not me.

I'm tired of chasing around.

I'll wait here.

I will be glad to go with you, my dear... come.

Well, well, so long, Ramona.

And don't take any wooden bananas.

Chula... if Duke should return, bring him to the village.

Yes, Master.

Let's go, dear.

What... what... what are you trying to say, Ramona?

What... what are you trying to do, Ramona?

I don't understand you... what?

Oh, a charade.

Oh good... oh... oh... uh-huh... Three words... three words...

First word... first word... uh, pupil... pupil.

A lash... eye lash?

Oh no... a brow... brow... Brow... eye... I... I...

Second word... second word... ear?

No, no... sounds like... sounds like... sounds like... a bang.

Huh?

Uh-huh... h... h... h... Head... head... no...

No... no... a bang... bang... ramp?

Sounds like ramp... ramp.

Sam... ha... ha... ham?

Ma'am?

Leg of lamb... lamb... lamb...

Wait a minute, Ramona.

I can't hear you with all that noise.

You wait right here.

I'll be right back.

Look... will you cut out all that racket there?

Now you're confusing me, and I don't... Ramona?

Then who are you?

Duke's clothes... How'd they get there?

And where'd he go... without them?

Oh... this is all very confusing.

What... what... what are you trying to tell me?

I don't understand a word.

Wha-wha-what am I, dumb or something?

Don't... don't answer that.

If only Duke were here.

He'd figure it out.

He's the smart one.

Little Ramona, big Ramona, apes, gorillas, jungles, natives,

mad doctors... what an interesting cranium.

Make me nervous with all this stuff.

I'm a young kid... I got a lot of talent.

I don't want to go through all this stuff.

Do I love you?

Oh my do I. Baby indeed I do.

Do I need you?

Oh my do I. Baby, indeed I do.

Dukie?

Dukie, what have they done to you?

How did you get like that?

Oh Dukie, what?

What?

No, I don't understand, Dukie.

What am I going to do with you?

Key... key... we got to get the key.

Where... where's the key?

Oh, Duke... ah, take it easy.

You don't know your own strength.

Come one, we got to get out of here.

All right... all right... all right...

Stop making with the Tarzan stuff.

Now let's go upstairs and hide until I

can figure this thing out.

Hey Father?

They have not found Duke?

No.

He no come to my place.

We must find him, Father.

Oh, Father... something had happened to him.

We will find him.

I'm sure he's safe, my Dear.

Father... we've got to find him.

When you human, you did all the thinking for the both of us.

Fine jam to have to get out of.

And with nothing but my poor little brain to help us.

And don't look at me, will ya?

We got to get that screwy Doctor to change you back again.

What if he hasn't got the combination?

Oy vey.

Aw... don't cry, Dukie.

Just think what a sensation we'll be when we get back home.

I can see it all now... Sammy Patrillo

and Duke Mitchell... The Singing Gorilla.

Why... we'll kill 'em.

We may even play the palace.

Don't cry, Nona... They find Duke.

For real they find him.

Everybody look for him.

They find him... honest.

Don't cry, my child.

Master.

It's about Duke?

No, my dear... Ramona is, uh, lose.

She's dangerous... If she comes here,

you have my permission to kill her.

Look, don't worry.

We can get a nice apartment near the Bronx Zoo,

and you can over to the monkey house

and visit any time you want.

Look... will you cut out the hysterics?

We got to think now.

Quiet... quiet... quiet... quiet!

Now sit down... we got to think this over.

Can't stay here forever.

If I take you the village, they're

liable to kill you before I can explain.

Explain?

We're going to explain this?

They'll probably think I'm a meshuga... then

they'll kill me, too.

Well, we got to take a chance.

Come on, get up.

Wait a minute... I'll put some clothes on you.

Maybe that'll fool 'em.

Here's some that ought to do it, Dukie.

Here, this will cover you up... put it on.

What are you doing?

What are you clowning?

Here, put it on.

Will you put it on?

No look Duke Mitchell... I'm running this game,

you understand?

And don't talk back.

There... not put it on because we got to get out that door.

Dukie?

Dukie this is you over here, ain't it, Dukie?

Th-Th-Th-this is you, ain't it Duke?

Aw, come on Dukie... tell me it's you, will ya'?

Duke... Dukie... Dukie please... tell me

it's you, will you, Duke?

Aw, come on... sing... dance... Do something will ya'?

Do I love you?

Oh my, do I, Baby.

I give up!

Come on, Dukie... come on.

Come on, Dukie... Let's... let's go...

Come on Dukie, come on... hurry up, boy.

You hurt this time, Master?

No... no... get my rifle.

We must kill him.

Come on, Dukie... Let's go for it.

Hurry up, will ya?

Come on... Come on, don't let them get us, boy.

Come on, let's go.

Hurry up will ya?

Don't let him bluff ya', Duke.

Don't let him bluff ya'.

Aw...

Come on, Dukie... this is not time for romance.

Look!

Come on... tell her you'll see her

later, and let's get out of here.

No... no... no... wait... wait... Get out of here... wait.

Dukie Mitchell... Look, it's only

my partner, Dukie Mitchell... come on, Dukie.

No... no... no... wait... Wait... put that away.

It's only Duke.

Oh no.

What crazy things this?

It was Duke that Doctor Zabor changed into a gorilla...

Not Ramona.

Duke, is it really you?

Oh, Duke, my Darling... What have they done to you?

We'll find Doctor.

He'll pay for this.

You won't have to find me.

A very touching scene, my dear.

Step aside, my dear.

Oh no!

No!

Step aside.

No... no... Duke... Duke... What are you nuts.

Come on back, Dukie.

Sammy... Sammy...

Duke... Duke, I don't want to die, Duke.

I'm too young, and I have too much talent.

I don't want to die.

Come on... wake up, will ya.

Let's go.

Hey... come on... come on.

Duke... Duke... you're not a gorilla anymore.

Gorilla?

What are you talking about?

Where am I?

Where are you?

You're in our dressing room at the Jungle

Hut in Passaic, New Jersey.

And we're on next.

Let's go... come on.

Boy, what a dream.

Hurry up... straighten up.

Come on, will ya?

Come on.

Hush up, Dukie... I'm going.

Nona?

Hello Dukie.

Hi Baby... how'd it go?

Sensational... what a crowd.

We really killed them.

Really?

Good luck, Honey.

Chief Rakos.

Hot work huh, Pop?

Oh yeah... you're not kidding.

Bye-bye.

Baby.

Cuckoo... come on.

Watch it, bub... watch it.

Pepe?

What?

Nothing, nothing.

Ch-Ch-Chula?

Hurry it up... you're on next.

What kept you?

Aw, Dukie, the most awful thing happened.

And you'd better get some laughs this time.

Or you'll be collecting unemployment insurance.

Doctor Zabor!

What's the matter with you?

Aw, Dukie... I just saw everybody in my dream.

Chula, Pepe... and that's the guy that

said, "What an interesting cranium."

Right over there... That's the fella.

Oh no!

Where's by little Tarzan?

Hi-ya Doll.

And now ladies and gentleman... Those two fireballs of fun...

Duke Mitchell and Sammy Patrillo.

Come on, Cookoo.

Come on, break it up... come on.

Gee-you're not so bad.

Good evening, ladies and gentleman...

Hey, Dukie... Dukie... look... There's a Newark Bird.

Newark bird?

Yeah, don't you know what a Newark bird is?

No, what's a Newark bird?

That's a bird that lays square eggs... then

he goes oh, ah, oh, ah.

Play it, boys.

Do I love you?

Oh my do I. Baby, indeed I do.

Baby indeed I do.

Baby... Baby... Baby... Baby... Baby... because I do.

'Cause Baby... yes sir, Baby... 'cause Baby... indeed I do.

Those men are on duty. All leaves were canceled today.

Senator Hawk and Senator Winkle have come out of the reviewing stand.

- Good. Good. My car here, Baker? - I'm certain it is. I'll check.

Abel, check and see if those idiot officers are on hand to be decorated.

Yes, sir.

Two did not return.

Two did not return.

In the shattered tail of the plane...

...all that remained were two charred flight helmets...

...and a handful of dust.

Excuse me, sir, I...

What the devil are you men doing here?

Well, you see, sir, we come to...

Your uniform is filthy, boy.

I know, sir. We hitchhiked some, but we had to walk a lot and...

People are coming from miles around.

Generals, senators to do homage to two enlisted men.

Your brothers-in-arms.

And you don't even have enough courtesy and respect...

...to put on a decent uniform.

- Sir, please, I'd like to turn myself in. - He didn't jump, sir.

I pulled him out.

The car is ready, sir.

What squadron are you men in?

- The ninth squadron, sir. - The ninth?

Stackpole and Whitehead's own outfit.

- Stockdale and Whitledge, sir. - Stockdale and Whitledge, sir.

Well, whoever they were.

Now, you two are going right back into that conference room...

...until I finish this ceremony.

And then we'll see if we can put a little decency...

...and esprit de corps into you.

Dirty uniforms. Today of all days.

Well, you men heard the orders. Get in there.

Well, we turned ourselves in, I think.

Yeah, wait until he finds out that besides wearing dirty uniforms, we're deserters.

[WHISTLING]

[MUSIC PLAYING O VER RADIO]

Ah-ah.

What's the matter?

Lieutenant Bridges on the back cover.

I wished you would look.

[DRUMROLL PLAYS O VER PA]

MAN [O VER PA]: General Bush has just taken his place on the reviewing stand...

... and now the four lieutenants who braved the atomic blast...

... and will receive the Air Medal, are bravely mounting the platform.

The lieutenants. They're alive. They're getting medals. They're heroes.

Golly.

If we'd have stayed on, we'd have been heroes.

It is a solemn moment, ladies and gentlemen.

The many visiting dignitaries standing at attention...

... the flag at half-mast in honor of the two men...

... who gave their lives in Operation Prometheus...

... Privates Stockdale and Whitledge.

- Stockdale and Whitledge? - Stockdale and Whitledge?

Yes, Stockdale and Whitledge.

Names that will live as long as men are free.

We are heroes, Ben.

But we ain't dead.

Well, that makes it even better, don't it?

They think we're heroes and we're a couple of rotten, no-good deserters.

[LAUGHS]

Golly, will they be surprised.

They'll kill us, that's what they'll do. They'll kill us.

Hi.

[MUTTERING]

You've gone crazy.

Seeing things.

Howdy, sergeant.

Private Whitledge reporting for duty after an unforeseen delay, sir.

I bet you never expected to see us again, but here we are.

No, no, no.

Didn't I tell you he'd be surprised, Ben?

- Why ain't you dead? - No excuse, sir.

- You ain't dead. You ain't dead. - Well, see, I had my parachute on.

I was the one who identified your remains.

Two charred helmets and a handful of dust.

- They're having a big ceremony down there. - Yeah.

BUSH: Ten days ago, in Operation Prometheus...

... the power of the atom bomb was challenged...

- Is that the general? - The general.

- Is he giving us medals? - Medals.

- Now, there you go, Ben. - General. Medals.

Now, get back in that room.

- Hey, that's no way to act, sergeant. - Just get in there.

Ben and me is alive and you...

Stay where you are.

Oh, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve...

Captain. Captain. Captain!

We'll be shot.

No, it's just he's kind of surprised right now.

Later on they'll all be glad we're here. You'll see.

Sergeant, will you...? Will you...? What's the matter? Sar...

Are you nuts?

No.

Oh...

Don't move, you understand? Just don't move.

Don't move or I'll have you shot!

You, get over to that reviewing stand on the double.

Tell the general to stop proceedings.

There's radio, television and newsreel cameras there.

If he gives out posthumous medals to two men who are in his own office...

...he'll be the laughing stock of the whole country.

Step on it!

Stay away from those windows, you understand?

Stay away from those doors.

And if anybody comes in here, you tell them you're...

John Jones and Jack Smith. You got that?

Yes, sir.

They're gonna kill us.

- They're gonna kill us. - No, they ain't.

Breathe deep.

What's going on here?

Sergeant King just jumped an air policeman and stole his motorcycle.

The two men who are getting the posthumous medals, they're inside.

- The medals? - No, the men.

- You're drunk. - Go ahead. Look.

- Who are you? - I'm John Jones...

...and this here is Jack Smith.

Jim, if you're trying to be comical, it'll be the last time...

...because jokes about the dead is carrying it a little bit too far.

Well, did you stop him in time?

Sir, I informed him of the situation and advised him that contrary to intelligence...

In English, you idiot.

Had he presented the medals or had he not?

Yes, sir, he had, sir.

- Holy. - Well, what did he say?

Well, sir, he said...

BUSH: I'll court-martial everybody in the whole damned Air Force.

That's what he said, sir.

Where are they? Where are they?

Where are those two privates who hold my career in the palm of their hands?

In there, sir.

You two.

Yes, sir.

We got back as quick as we could.

And I sure do appreciate you giving us medals and all...

...and setting the flags at half-mast.

Well, I got the whole thing figured out too, sir.

Well, you know that handful of dust Sergeant King was talking about?

Well, that's all it was. A handful of dust. Heh.

If I'd had known you all was gonna think it was us, I'd have swept it under a seat.

But, anyhow, what it comes down to is we ain't dead.

[MUTTERING]

Ten minutes ago, in front of half the brass in the continental United States...

...I awarded the Air Medal to a handful of sweepings.

Do you know what this is gonna do to me when this story gets out?

Sir, I didn't know.

Tomorrow I will probably be known throughout the entire Pentagon...

...as old Dustpan.

I've got to get those two men off my base.

If anybody sees them, if anybody hears them...

Sir, couldn't you transfer them to another base?

Shut up. What?

Oh. Oh.

Yes.

You go over to S-1 and get as many DD-613 forms...

...as you can lay your hands on. - Yes, sir.

You, go out and get another car and bring it around back.

- Quietly. - Yes, sir.

Get a command car and put the curtains up all around.

WILL: Well, they put us in this here command car...

... and took us way out here in the woods, real secret like...

... with all kinds of guards around us and everything.

You know what to do. Challenge everybody.

The password is: Nightmare.

Nightmare.

If anybody fails to give it, shoot.

Okay, sentries, take your posts on the double.

Are you sure we've got the whole area surrounded?

I think so, sir. I've never done anything like this before.

Well, do you think I have?

General, it sure is exciting, ain't it? Where's Ben?

Look, you just stand right over there and let me handle this, please.

What the devil is keeping General Pollard? Are the forms ready for him to sign?

Corporal's working on them, sir.

[CAR APPRO ACHING]

- That must be Pollard's car now. - Yes, sir.

- Speed him up. - Yes, sir.

SENTRY: Halt. Advance and give the password.

[GUNSHOTS]

Great Scott, they've shot Pollard.

POLLARD: Stop. Stop. Eugene, tell these idiots to stop shooting.

It's me. Vernon.

[GUNSHOT]

Give the password.

POLLARD: I've forgotten the damned thing.

Nightmare.

Nightmare!

[GUNSHOT]

POLLARD: Nightmare, you stupid...

Come back here, you.

Look, here, Eugene, you're carrying this thing a little too far.

I'm sorry, Vernon, the sentries are nervous.

No reason for that.

[LOUD POUNDING]

- Nightmare! - Nightmare!

What's that?

I'm sorry, Vernon, it's the other dead hero.

The talkative one.

I put him in the trunk for total security.

Ben's in the trunk? How about that?

- Get him out, Stockdale. - Yes, sir.

Listen, Eugene, they could lower the boom on us, pulling a deal like this.

We are in trouble, Vernon.

Clear up to our pensions.

Now, come on and sign those papers.

Howdy, Ben.

Oh...

I knew it. I knew it.

They got us out in the middle of no man's land.

Oh, I don't know. I think it's kind of pleasant.

Goodbye, Will.

- We just got here, Ben. - And we ain't never going back.

Will, I know you didn't do it on purpose...

...and I know there wasn't no meanness behind it.

I forgive you.

- Then we're buddies again? - For a little while.

All right, Whitledge, you first.

Sentry, take him in there, have him sign everything in triplicate.

- Bye, Will. - Bye, Ben.

Golly, is he gonna be surprised.

You know, everybody's all the time saying how sergeants is mean and tough.

So I'm right glad you was my first one because you showed me different.

Why, thank you, Will.

All right, Will, I'm gonna give you the watch anyway.

- Oh, gee, I never held that against you. - Oh, go on and take it.

My mother would be glad for you to have it.

We're square now.

I don't owe you nothing and you don't owe me nothing.

We're square.

- King? - Yeah.

What's the matter with that Whitledge?

He keeps saying he's sorry he has only one life to give for his country.

He figures you brought us out here to get shot.

- Shot? - Shot.

Ridiculous.

All these witnesses, Vernon.

Take a smoke. Ahem.

All right, Stockdale, I just have a couple of letters for you to sign...

...and then we'll be through with this whole mess.

This one's to your folks...

...saying that you're on a very important secret mission.

This one certifies you've never heard of Operation Prometheus...

...and have never been on my base in your entire life.

Sign here.

But, if we never heard of Operation What You Call lt...

...we don't get no medals, do we? - Medals? Of course not.

Sign here.

Ben, he sets a whole lot of stock in medals and things like that.

You want me to present a medal out in the woods in the middle of the night?

That's right.

Hey, we can get everybody standing up all around and turn one of the cars around...

...so the lights are shining.

- Hey, maybe get a little music on the radio. - No, no. I don't have any medals.

WILL: Hey, driver, would you mind turning...? - Come back.

- How long is this going to take, Eugene? - I didn't bring any medals.

Now what? I wanna get to bed.

You hear me? I said I didn't have any...

Oh...

What are you staring at?

Vernon, old man, I wonder if you'd give me...

...one of your medals?

What?

Just one, Vernon, please.

You've got so many of them.

- What are you talking about, Eugene? - Stockdale wants a medal.

That does it. He goes to Leavenworth.

No, no.

We might go with him.

Vernon, if you give me one of yours, I'll give you two of mine.

- I swear I will. - But these medals are sewn on.

BUSH: Sewn? POLLARD: Yes, by heavens.

His medals are sewn on.

I got my mumblety-peg knife.

Just a small one, please, Vernon?

I'll do this in private, if you don't mind.

ANNOUNCER [O VER RADIO]: This is radio station WQUID...

... now presenting a medley of your favorite band music.

There's nothing else you can think of at this moment, is there?

You do realize why we don't have a brass band, don't you?

I wouldn't worry about that none, sir. This here'll do fine.

I'll just get everybody lined up over here.

[BAND MUSIC PLAYING O VER RADIO]

- Y'all come on in! KING: Resist! On the double!

Everybody come on in!

KING: On the double. SENTRY: Come on.

KING: Line up, boy, right here. Come on.

Come on, give me the papers. Line up on the double.

I've been blackmailed, I've been shanghaied, I've been shot at...

...and now I've been robbed.

By dog.

Boy, Ben's gonna pop his shirt when both of you generals snap to attention.

- Do what? - Vernon, please.

Never.

BUSH: I'll stand at attention.

I'll stand on my head if you'll just sign these papers.

I'll go fetch Ben.

- Have the orders to read? - Yes, sir.

- Good. - I'll get Ben.

Come on, Ben.

No, Will. Don't they give you one last request or something?

BUSH: All right, you asked for it. Come out and get it.

That's right, Ben. Now, strut right up to the general and salute.

He's got something he's gonna give you.

I know.

Goodbye, Will.

King.

"The following enlisted men are hereby relieved of duty...

...and removed from the records of Major General Eugene Bush...

...and transferred to the command of Major General Vernon Pollard...

...U.S. Army infantry."

- What? - Private Benjamin B. Whitledge.

- Private Will Stockdale. - We're in the infantry, Ben.

- The infantry? - Yeah.

Well, so long, boys.

It's been swell knowing you.

- So long, sergeant. - So long, sergeant.

Wish I could be going along with you, but that's life.

Hey, couldn't he, sir? Couldn't he go along with us?

Brilliant idea, Stockdale. Brilliant.

No, no, no.

- We are still gonna be together. - In the infantry.

What happened?

Detail, attention.

That's one thing I won't do.

ANNOUNCER: Station WQUID signing off.

[DRUMROLL O VER RADIO]

It gives me great pleasure to award this Air Medal...

...which through a regrettable error...

...was previously awarded posthumously...

...to Private Benjamin B. Whitledge...

...U.S. Army infantry.

MAN: Present arms.

["THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" PLAYS O VER RADIO]

[ENGLISH SDH]