All language subtitles for 6 Jennifer Smith—Finding Christ in an Unlikely Place pb

good morning what a privilege to be able

to attend my third true woman and what a

privilege and honor it is to be able to

share a God's story that he has written

in my life and to share when the sin and

the cross of Jesus collided in my life

and the result of that or as dr. Moore

shared last night how when the gospel

wrecked and rebuilt my life or as Blair

shared how when I went from a captive to

being captivated with Jesus Christ

or as Mary shared when I found that

place where Jesus became enough and so I

want to share with you briefly this

morning that I'm a former inmate so I

spent eleven and a half years in the

Arkansas Department of Corrections and

before I go any further I just want to

stop and say I know I don't look that

old

so I know you're thinking there's no way

you've spent that many years in prison

but you try being canned for about 12

years

see if it doesn't preserve your youth

you know what I mean you guys got that

usually I have to explain that joke so

this is encouraging already but how many

of you have ever heard the saying sticks

and stones may break my bones but what

words will never hurt me I remember the

first time I actually heard that saying

I think I was probably around third

fourth grade was in recess bullying this

girl that I was picking on this is pre

Christ so don't don't uh don't judge me

too harshly so I was bullying her and

she just strolled up to me and said this

same I never heard it before and then

she just walked off and kind of stopped

me in my tracks kind of stopped me from

saying anything I have nothing to say

after that I was like huh well that's

that's cool I can't wait to try that and

so it wasn't long that I got that

opportunity and I was on the school bus

and this boy was picking on me and I

thought this is my chance I'm gonna I'm

gonna try that so I I said it she's

probably not as good as she did and he

didn't have the same reaction that I did

so he just kept on and then I just

started crying because his words are

really hurting my feelings but on a

serious note we know that words they do

hurt don't they they awaken a host of

different emotions within us we know

that some words can offend us they can

insult us they can awaken insecurities

when they're spoken to us they can

awaken fears they can awaken anger they

can cause your blood pressure to rise

and that vein in your your temple to

start pumping fast rapidly in your jaws

to Clint's clinch and sorry I'm getting

carried away I was thinking about when I

heard about Weston not having a

Starbucks this year but anyway they can

they can create they can awaken

different emotions within us and at the

same time they can they can encourage us

words can awaken security they can

awaken joy encouragement they can bring

peace

the words that are spoken to us and as I

look back in my life I was raised in

Northwest Arkansas if you can't tell

that already I'm from the south but I

was aware he's in Northwest Arkansas I

had an older sibling and back then they

don't have the four D it's by five D I

don't know what it is that where they

can go in and see the gender of the baby

and actually it's like all kinds of

dimensions they have now but I don't

think they had that in the 70s so my

parents they wanted they already had a

girl they wanted a boy and that's what

the doctors told him I was supposed to

be and of course surprise I wasn't and

of course they were disappointed and

because I was going to be Bobby Joe jr.

and it just didn't work now but instead

I became Jennifer Jo so but they said

one little sentence to me and teasing

throughout my childhood and it was you

were a mistake

God was supposed to give us a boy and

you know those words they created

insecurity within me

they created anger within me they

created doubts a lot of different things

would come to the surface when I would

hear those words growing up and then

they became my own I began to believe

them and rehearse them to myself and so

I had a view of God from a small child

that he made mistakes and that I was one

of them and I didn't want really

anything to do with him and so although

I grew up going to church with my

grandma knowing the facts about God

never really knew God and so as I began

to to grow older and a 10 years old I

had something else in my life that

happened

from within the church I was actually

sexually molested by a sunday-school

teacher within the church and that

happened for about four years of my life

and the words he spoke created different

things within me as well and so now I

have this heart that is very angry very

cold very bitter toward anything that

has to do with the Lord then I heard

some other words as I was about eleven

years old I heard these words if you try

this it'll make you feel better I wanted

to feel better I wanted to feel

something different than what I had felt

to that point in my life and so I did I

tried it and it made me feel better

temporarily but you know when it wore

off for the next morning the same misery

was there the same emptiness the same

despair and so I began a lifestyle then

of drug use and everything that goes

with that lifestyle sin relationships

that were not healthy living life on the

streets leaving home at 15 years old

disrespecting not valuing any one that

spoke any kind of guidance into my life

and I found myself just in a cycle that

I could not get out of now there were

times in that cycle I would look back

and say how did I get here how did I get

to this place because I don't ever

remember when I was like 4 thinking I

can't wait to grow up to be a drug

addict everybody nobody ever thought

that can't wait to grow up to be a

criminal that was never the case I had

other dreams and but then that thought

would come well you're stuck this is

your life so words again they're

powerful and long story short I ended up

being arrested several times for drug

possession of drugs been to three

different rehabs

became a felon before I was ever 18 so I

will not get political on you up here

because I can't even vote so I won't

even do that but at age 22

I found myself being sentenced to the

Arkansas Department of Corrections for

drugs and robbery and I can tell you

that that was the best thing that could

have ever happened to me the best thing

although at this point I still did not

know Christ but he knew and his

sovereignty where he was going to

strategically allow the direction of my

life to go so that I would hear the

gospel of Jesus Christ that would one

day set me free

and so I entered Macpherson at an

Arkansas maximum-security unit for women

at 22 years old having what I knew 12

almost years to do before I was even

eligible for parole and I really didn't

know much about prison I've been in out

of County Jail just what you see on TV

so I had a game plan I thought if I go

in and act really crazy then people will

leave me alone and I just will not have

any problems so that was my game plan so

I entered in prison and I did that for a

minute and I quickly realized there were

crazier people than myself there so the

Lord had a different game plan so but

there was also another group of people

that I discovered in this place of

darkness in this place were murders her

house rapists drug addicts those people

that dr. Moore was referring to last

night in his message those people were

housed there and there was a group

within those people that they had found

something they had found Christ they had

found Jesus and there was a barracks

within there that was a faith-based

program where you could volunteer to

sign up and live in that barracks and

and just become a student of the Word of

God and be taught how to live those

things out and of course I wasn't going

to join them because I hated God still

but still his enemy I was still living

in my life the way I wanted to live and

so I just started making fun of him like

everybody else did but secretly I was

watching them secretly I was observing

the joy that they had in the midst of

prison and that haunted me because I had

never experienced that and I didn't

understand how some of these ladies

could have this joy in the midst of

doing a life sentence and

ever gonna be able to walk outdoors I

never understood that and so it haunted

me but it drew me at the same time and

so after about a year of making fun of

them and persecuting them I decided to

join them you know if you can't beat

them you join them right so I signed up

to come into this program and I began to

hear things I had never heard in my

entire life I began to hear the good

news

I began to hear of a gospel that said

that it wasn't anything that I could do

I couldn't clean myself up enough in

order in order to be accepted by this

Savior but I began to hear about a

savior who knew no sin at all but yet he

became sin so that I could be made in

His righteousness I began to hear about

a savior who died a criminal's death my

death and the wrath of God for my sins

was placed upon him that day and he bore

that he bore my sin and he paid that day

and all I had to do was accept what he

had done and believe and trust and the

work that he did on the cross was enough

to free me from a lifetime of bondage of

sin and the blood was enough to cleanse

me and to forgive me and that in that

moment when my sin in the cross collided

I became reconciled with the holy God

and I'll never forget December the 21st

mm after hearing the gospel over weeks

that for the first time his spirit

interacted with me I realized that I was

a sinner and I needed a savior and I

went to my cell and to 10b and I fell on

my face and I cried out to a holy Living

God and asked him to forgive me of who I

was and what I had done and if he could

use my life and he could salvage

anything that was left that it was his

and he's been working me ever since

but you know it doesn't stop there

now that I had a new life in Christ and

his spirit resided within me I still had

the memory of who I was still had the

memory of what I had done and that's

where his word is so precious because

it's the very thing that he says will

renew our minds and bring transformation

in our life which I'm so desperately

needed and still need today and so as I

began to learn truths and I began to

become hungry for the word of God and

and realize that yes the gospel it's

great and it saved me and it it

reconciled me and it rescued me from my

sin but that was almost 16 years ago

what is it doing still today in my life

is it still doing that and so when we

forget that when we forget what God has

rescued us from the gospel isn't good

news anymore it's just news that doesn't

bring that brokenness and that that all

that he would save someone like each of

us we have all fallen short and sinned

so just because I was in a physical

prison that's there's no difference than

being in a spiritual prison and so when

we forget that when we forget that

gospel that we were rescued by and we

don't rehearse that when it comes to

maybe you're within the church and

someone took your seat

or maybe the committee just did not vote

in the direction that you wanted or

maybe that person just never shows up to

serve but always wants to be served and

those little small offenses and

irritations happen the gospel says

forgive not just forgiveness from here

to here but from here to here and I

wasn't going to learn those things I did

take responsibility

I could not excuse anymore and justify

the decisions I've made in life because

of the way I'd been talked to or because

I had been taken advantage of and sinned

against greatly I could not use that

anymore as an entitlement to continue to

make bad decisions but now the gospel

looked different to me because after

forgiveness now I had to forgive and

that was a challenge but I needed the

gospel I needed the grace of God to be

able to do that and so as I began to

practice that in my life

then I realized I became even more free

freedom began to multiply in other areas

and so even today when I get offended or

I get mad because Starbucks is not in

the Western

I have to forgive them because I don't

want to be bound in prison of

unforgiveness and there's two times in

Scripture that those two are mentioned

in the same passage and I'm not going to

quote them all but Matthew five is one

Mary hit on that last night where she

was talking about if you bring your gift

before the altar they remembers that

brother has something against thee

he says first go your way be reconciled

then come again offer your gift

you'll be reconciled with them and he

tells you what's going to happen if you

don't that he's going to put you in

prison until all it's paid and the other

is in Matthew 18 or the story of the the

two servants one owed the huge debt the

other owed the small debt 1 forgave the

other didn't and how quick we are to be

like that servant that wicked servant

and not realize what God has forgiven us

from and then we're quick to hold

someone else's debt when they offend us

and not release that forgiveness so as

we rehearsed the gospel to ourselves we

have to realize that forgiveness has to

be released to others just like it's

been given to us and so that was a

challenge that I began to learn in

prison and I'm running out of time so

I'm fixing to wrap it up but uh the Lord

used prison as a mission field for me

and he began to birth a desire for women

coming out of prison to have something

like what was in prison and he began to

birth a desire to be a missionary and me

in my heart when I was released from

prison and I was released May 31st 2011

and the Lord has not ceased to amaze me

with his goodness and His mercy and

prison was the best thing that could

have ever happened to me

because it's there I met Christ it's

there the gospel transformed my life and

it's there that I've learned how to live

a life free in Christ full in Christ and

know that I'm not you're not going to

believe this but I just forgot the third

one what

Virgil nursing cries zzc I still need I

still need help and a life that's

fruitful in Christ so I'm so thankful

for the opportunity to be able to share

with you today God's a part of God's

story in my life and where he set me

free and how the gospel impacted and

still impacting my life thank you don't

you love her and love this story

for the food

I have to I have to ask you we're gonna

bring we're gonna bring some friends of

yours up here in just a minute but I

have to ask you forgiveness has had to

extend to people who said hurtful things

to you when you were growing up

including your parents yes Lord restored

that relationship with my parents

Wow we're gonna ask we've got three

friends of yours who are coming up here

and we'll ask these ladies to come up

and as they come why don't you just

introduce each of these three ladies all

right okay well first here we have Tamra

Cohen Deborah and we have Stephanie

Hankins Stephanie and we have Amy

naughty and these ladies actually the

depart didn't just share but I'm now a

chaplain back in the same unit I was

once incarcerated and these ladies were

incarcerated there some of them I was

their chaplain and actually all of them

except for one we just came at different

times but I was their chaplain so it's

kind of weird

Tamra welcome tell us a little bit of

your story how did you wind up in

McPherson God put me there on purpose he

loved me so much that he took me to set

aside a time just for me I don't know

about the other eight or nine hundred

women there but he put me there in a

place where he could talk to me

one-on-one

and show me how much he liked me what

what was your crime it was many charges

they I think the official title was

fraudulent use of a credit card but you

don't get five years for that but it was

really embezzlement and it was money you

had to in that moment be at the lowest

point in your life absolutely absolutely

I could not go any lower there was

nothing else had you

had any spiritual foundation in your

life yes

when I was 8 years old I made a

profession of faith I have a name my

name is written in a Bible that was

given to me on that day I grew up in a

Christian home I raised my children my

husband and I in a Christian home I was

a Sunday school teacher

what was the church treasure married to

a deacon you sound like the Apostle Paul

and so so what was the what was the

spiritual wake-up call that came in

prison bring it it came before prison

some what it was coming but you know I

was that religious person that we hear

about I was that church lady mm-hmm I

was that church lady but when you don't

have the Lord Jesus Christ in your heart

you can say all the things you can talk

all the talk you can walk the walk as

you've heard so many times before till

he takes over your heart it's nothing

I'm sorry for the emotions but I'm

thankful for them because for so long I

was

so God gave me back my emotions and my

husband keeps telling me you cannot cry

and eat at the same time stop so me you

know I have a wonderful family

a husband will be married in 40 years

next year two beautiful daughters and

son in-laws six right wonderful two

grandchildren but for ten and a half

months God set me aside but the moment

that I knew that I did not really have

Jesus in my heart it was on July 1st

sitting in a cell in Fort Smith Arkansas

and those church ladies came to talk to

those other ladies that were there and

the scripture that they talked about was

depart from me I never knew you and not

everyone that says Lord Lord will enter

in the kingdom of heaven and at that

moment I knew that was me that was me

that turnaround led you to a different

understanding of the gospel and a

different kind of life than the church

life you had been living absolutely and

the things that I learned while I was at

McPherson I have to practice today but

the the very first thing that I learned

was Authority if you don't know what

Authority is you will learn it in a

physical prison yeah I could not be

under anyone's authority I didn't want

that Authority I was my own authority

and if I couldn't do it

so when young get done and but I

controlled my life and you see where

that led me so the authority another

thing it takes away as all your judgment

because as Jennifer alluded to I was in

a maximum-security prison with murders

with rapists with people who had

committed other many charges drugs

alcohol

no one knew unless you told them what

you were there for everybody's the same

place at the foot of the cross aren't

they absolutely so your husband your

daughter's your family today they all

look back on your prison experience is

the best thing that happened to mom and

say mom came home a different person

than when she left

Stephanie welcome tell us a little your

story how'd you wind up in prison well

sir

I just want to let you know that who I

was yesterday is not who I am today and

who I am today is nothing compared to

who I am in God's eyes that's right

that's good but I committed a horrible

crime and 2011 I confessed to my crime

and I went to jail

and I lived there for 13 and a half

months and then I went to prison I went

to McPherson and when I got there I

thought I was saved I had had a lot of

false doctrine and false teaching and I

had come from a background of paganism

so paganism paganism well sir you know

rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft

right but I was actually a practicing

witch I was all I know right yeah but I

I went to prison and I thank God for

jail and for prison because when I got

there for me it was just one step closer

to home you know you had to come in with

a pretty hard heart Oh sir I did you see

I actually cast my first spell when I

was about 11 years old

and it worked so at a very tender age I

had that first taste of self exaltation

and that pride just began to grow when

you heard women in prison talking about

Jesus what did you think

well I knew about him but I didn't know

he was real right so I wanted what they

had that you know they had peace and

comfort and joy and they had things that

I had seen on my life in church ladies

and I was pretty sure I wanted some of

that but I didn't really know how to get

it your spell's didn't didn't nothing

work yeah didn't work so where was the

turning point for you in prison what

happened well the most amazing thing

happened one day after I had moved into

the Powell barracks

our chaplain was standing up at the

front and there wasn't an altar call

given he was just teaching about the

cross of Jesus Christ that it was the

the free gift of God for all mankind you

know that Jesus what he did on that

cross is a finished work he took care of

all sin past present future all of it

even for me so I literally knelt down a

witch but Sir I stood up a child of God

ami let me ask you to share a little of

your story what got you to prison myself

got me yeah that's right

I was extremely unhappy with life and I

was searching for something that I

wanted I knew I wanted something I just

didn't know what it was I wanted

happiness mm-hmm so I started doing

drugs at a very young age and started

drinking and that became my life drugs

and alcohol were my whole entire life

that was the most important thing in my

life and because of that my bills came

last so because my bills came last I did

whatever I had to do to get him paid

yeah

so I started stealing and I started

stealing not only to pay my bills but

also to buy my drugs in my alcohol and

it caught up with me and I ended up in

prison which was the best thing that

ever happened to me mmm did you have any

spiritual background I grew up in a

Christian home I was in the church I

played Church very well I knew Church I

played Church I could do it with the

best of them

but I never had a real experience I

always said I wanted what I saw in other

people you know what they had I see that

happiness and in prison I would see

these girls from three barracks walking

down the hall and I was there in prison

how are they walking around with such

smiles on her face how are they so happy

I wanted that and I found that in prison

I found exactly what I had been looking

for all those years in the drugs and in

the alcohol and you know I had a lot of

anger in my heart I was mad at the world

I had been abused for many years as a

child both mentally physically and

sexually and so I had a lot of anger a

lot of hatred towards myself but towards

the people that did it and towards the

world I hated the world hated people I

was ready to just give up on life and as

a matter of fact the night before I got

arrested to go to prison I didn't

necessarily want to kill myself I just

want to go to sleep so I took a bunch of

pills and it backfired I woke up at 5

o'clock in the morning with a smile on

my face

but it very well could have killed me

and I ended up in prison that day so I

found in prison a lot of happiness and I

was able to find forgiveness I was able

to not only forgive the people who had

hurt me but also forgive myself I'm

still working on some of my forgiveness

issues especially with myself but I I

found a true happiness a true peace that

I had never felt before I've never never

knew what true happiness could actually

be and now I see life so much different

life is so good life is so positive and

there's so much good in this world and

that's what I want to do now is help

people was there a moment or a message

or something that was a turning point a

spiritual breakthrough for you

it just started whenever I hit the door

at prison um I looked around and I was

like oh my goodness I'm in prison I

never thought I would be in prison I

said all my life I'll never go to prison

I'm never gonna do anything wrong guess

what you're a bruisin I was in prison it

was kind of a wake-up call when I walked

through the gate so in nineteen barracks

I started reading my Bible and started

talking to one of the guards and I

started hearing about the PALS program

and November the 22nd I believe that it

was brother Jared that was preaching

that night and he was preaching on

Jeremiah 29:11 which is now my life

Scripture and I realized that that was

what I was looking for that somebody out

there cared enough about me

to die but somebody also cared enough

about me to want the best in life for me

and to give me my heart's desire and

everything that I could possibly ever

need want anything anything take all my

pain away take all my sadness take all

my everything

and that night I went back to my

barracks and I I went in and I closed my

door I was in the close barracks I asked

my roommate to step out I closed my door

I literally got on my knees and cried

out to God and begged God to forgive me

and to please come into my heart and

change me and changed the way I thought

the way I walked the way I talked

changed everything about me and to fill

me with him and he did just that

jennipher all three of these women have

referenced the palace program that's a

discipleship program that is in the

Macpherson unit in Arkansas and and

you've added to that now a new phase

there's a there's a home that's a

transition house tell everybody a little

bit about the cornerstone house correct

cornerstone is going transition home is

a faith-based home that ladies that we

hope they are graduates of the PAL

program or that or Christians on the

compound that they really don't have any

where to go or that they go back home to

the same environment you know there's

drugs still there there's no

accountability responsibility they can

come to Cornerstone and they can stay up

to a year and they can learn how to live

this Christian life now on the outside

you