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1
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,536
I'm leaving you.
2
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:12,197
- What's the difference?
- Speed.
3
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:16,270
This is faster?
4
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:26,280
Much faster than a wheelchair.
5
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,784
Walking on your knees?
6
00:01:31,993 --> 00:01:33,961
It's faster.
7
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:39,299
At intersections and stations...
8
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:48,969
I'm slow, but much faster
than a wheelchair.
9
00:01:49,744 --> 00:01:57,981
GOODBYE CP
10
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,063
I was so scared.
11
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,407
How?
12
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:31,404
I was afraid it'll turn red.
13
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,909
My life was on the line.
14
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,018
I was desperate.
15
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:50,590
CP stands for cerebral palsy.
16
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:58,601
On April 18, 1948, my
first son was born.
17
00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:04,605
He was kept in a hospital
for a week.
18
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:11,945
He was diagnosed with
Cerebral Palsy...
19
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:18,623
when he was 18 months old.
20
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:23,796
We took him to many different
doctors and...
21
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,127
did everything we could.
22
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:33,296
I even gave up cigarettes
and alcohol...
23
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:38,805
praying for his recovery.
24
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:43,813
When I first learned that
my son had CP,
25
00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:50,317
I was shocked and didn't
know what to do.
26
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:55,321
But I had to do something.
27
00:04:55,696 --> 00:05:00,156
I thought there must be
something I can do for him.
28
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:03,002
I was determined to do
everything I can do.
29
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:10,334
My husband and I studied all
about CP at the library.
30
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,339
Some CP patients are
killed at birth or...
31
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,511
become victims of
family suicides.
32
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,852
But I believe it's my duty
as a parent...
33
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:22,348
to find him a way to survive
in this world.
34
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:25,521
That's what I believe and
we're continuing to do that...
35
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:31,521
so that he can live normally
once we're gone.
36
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:37,360
Like everyone else, I did all
I could, as any parents do...
37
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:41,029
and tried very hard.
38
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:44,378
Once I learned that nothing
could be done,
39
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:49,205
I did everything so that he
could have a happy life.
40
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:53,542
He was given life.
41
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:57,220
He deserves everything
a normal person does.
42
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,890
I think that all the time.
43
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:07,231
I am prepared to do everything
I can do for him.
44
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,899
I mean everything.
45
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:15,572
Since I had this child,
46
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:21,074
I've gained a lot of knowledge.
47
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:26,910
If it wasn't for my son, I would've
been a reclusive mother.
48
00:06:27,288 --> 00:06:28,585
Through my son,
49
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:35,418
I met many people I would
otherwise not have met.
50
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:39,425
People from different social
groups in our society.
51
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:45,261
We don't keep him in the house.
We take him everywhere.
52
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:51,433
When I see students protesting
and using violence,
53
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,940
I feel very proud of having
my son as he is.
54
00:06:55,983 --> 00:07:00,943
I've always been a little shy...
55
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:06,615
about having a child with CP.
56
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:13,126
My husband complained a lot
when he got drunk.
57
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:17,460
I thought about divorcing him
so many times.
58
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,636
But looking at my child...
59
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:27,641
gave me the will to move on.
60
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:33,146
So I tried my best to keep my
family together.
61
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:36,149
My son...
62
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:42,326
I'm truly grateful to my son...
63
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:50,659
for our happiness and keeping
my family together.
64
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:56,506
I don't treat him differently just
because he is handicapped.
65
00:07:56,877 --> 00:08:00,506
But as a parent,
66
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,179
just like the old saying goes...
67
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:10,354
''a flawed child is that much
more adorable.''
68
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:18,225
It's only natural for parents.
I really think so.
69
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:24,368
Being in a wheelchair is like...
70
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:39,375
being attended and
protected by angels.
71
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,381
We might...
72
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,220
be killed...
73
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,391
tomorrow.
74
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,727
We want...
75
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,401
to live...
76
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,239
freely...
77
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:15,744
as human...
78
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,687
beings.
79
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:25,688
So please support...
80
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,438
The Green Lawn Movement.
81
00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:45,384
The Green Lawn was...
82
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:56,128
established by the disabled
themselves.
83
00:09:56,497 --> 00:09:59,955
- Why did you donate?
- Just wanted to help.
84
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,629
- Did you donate?
- I gave 00 yen.
85
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,142
I just felt bad.
86
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:16,139
I'm interested in social problems.
87
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,811
My child felt sorry.
88
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:25,147
- I felt sorry.
- No special reason.
89
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,994
I just felt bad.
90
00:10:28,529 --> 00:10:31,760
I heard it on the news.
91
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,827
- Why did you donate?
- I don't know.
92
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:39,671
I drove by earlier and
saw them.
93
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:46,673
I went out again, so I wanted
to give them something.
94
00:10:50,551 --> 00:10:52,018
I felt sorry.
95
00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:54,521
My friend's child is handicapped.
96
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,782
Some people are unfortunate.
97
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,450
I felt sorry.
98
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:04,855
- How?
- They're human, like us.
99
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:09,032
But I wonder why they
are handicapped.
100
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:14,033
All these problems with
medical practice....
101
00:11:14,408 --> 00:11:18,208
religion, pollution...
102
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:22,712
and all these heartless problems
of the human race...
103
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,551
sadden me very much.
104
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:30,555
What the Buddha predicted
500 years ago...
105
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:33,222
is now starting to happen.
106
00:11:33,594 --> 00:11:35,221
Mankind has lost its soul.
107
00:11:36,597 --> 00:11:41,227
Our society faces problems
and afflictions.
108
00:11:41,602 --> 00:11:47,234
I just wanted to help
people in need.
109
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,070
We're on our way home from
visiting the family grave.
110
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:52,742
Why did you donate?
111
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,082
Well, the thing is...
112
00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:01,915
they can't work like we do.
113
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:09,252
So we should at least try to help.
114
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:14,093
No special reason, but things
must be difficult for them.
115
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,935
That's why I donated.
116
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,871
This is our problem.
It could happen to us.
117
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:30,609
I don't know.
118
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,119
I felt sorry.
119
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,122
How?
120
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:44,692
I just imagined if that happened
to one of my children.
121
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,795
I have three of them.
122
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,294
Why did you donate?
123
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,129
I dunno.
124
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:58,141
Well, my child died
as a result of CP.
125
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,644
So I wanted to help.
126
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,977
I know someone who has CP.
127
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,979
So I felt really bad.
128
00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,483
They're helpless.
129
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:18,992
I wanted do whatever I can.
130
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:24,326
I've been interested
in such problems.
131
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,164
- I felt sorry.
- Why?
132
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:34,677
I don't know.
133
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,679
- I felt bad.
- Why?
134
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:43,957
No reason.
135
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,848
Just wanted to help.
136
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:49,457
It must be tough for them.
137
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:54,959
But they do what they can.
138
00:13:57,571 --> 00:13:58,697
Poor thing.
139
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,976
I'm from the countryside.
140
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:06,868
I've never seen anything
like this before.
141
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,481
I feel so sorry for them.
142
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:14,387
I feel sorry.
143
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:22,392
Well...I mean their bodies.
144
00:14:24,832 --> 00:14:28,598
I felt sorry. We're blessed.
145
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,398
I felt sorry.
146
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:39,138
It must be difficult to do
so many things.
147
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,073
Why did you donate?
148
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:44,077
My Mom told me to.
149
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,746
Why donate?
Well...
150
00:14:48,856 --> 00:14:51,586
Because my life is stable.
151
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,085
That's it.
152
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,589
Well, I feel sorry for them, too.
153
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:06,430
We're the same human being.
But they were unlucky.
154
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,267
Isn't that right?
155
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,438
Why did you donate?
156
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:17,113
I was very much moved...
157
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:22,717
by their strong desire to live.
158
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:29,895
Me? My child is in good health,
so I feel blessed.
159
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:35,233
I want them to be
in good health, too.
160
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:39,127
I want them to cheer up.
161
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,303
Yes, he's there now.
162
00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:44,974
- At the facility?
- Yes.
163
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,903
You don't want to live together?
164
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:52,077
Well, it's for my child's future.
165
00:15:53,587 --> 00:15:57,921
- Being at the facility is better?
- Yes, I think so.
166
00:15:58,692 --> 00:15:59,659
For him, it's better.
167
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,994
You think they should be
institutionalized?
168
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:06,594
My child's been there for 5 years.
169
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,162
It was all for the better.
170
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:15,338
It's a real struggle for them.
171
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:20,043
And the government doesn't
do enough.
172
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,178
That's why I wanted to help.
173
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,848
I'm lucky to have what I have.
174
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:31,680
They would never be cured.
175
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:35,187
I thought they needed
some money.
176
00:16:38,966 --> 00:16:40,695
In my opinion...
177
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,199
we're the object of pity
for them.
178
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:50,373
They make their kids
give donations.
179
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:55,545
That's fine with me.
180
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,215
Besides...
181
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:02,483
it's better to feel pity...
182
00:17:02,990 --> 00:17:07,359
than not have any...
183
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,223
interests at all.
184
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:17,059
Giving their kids
money for donations...
185
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,740
out of pity...
186
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:33,241
makes them feel better,
187
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,853
that's fine with me.
188
00:17:42,963 --> 00:17:45,761
I'd rather quit...
189
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,602
if we're operating under
the principle...
190
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:56,437
that we are the weak ones.
191
00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,271
I would quit.
192
00:18:00,981 --> 00:18:05,111
When I talk to the crowd,
193
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,953
I always think about...
194
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:15,621
what separates the handicapped
from the healthy ones.
195
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:20,031
When I hold a microphone...
196
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:25,464
and talk to the crowd,
197
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:28,239
I can't help myself...
198
00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:32,869
from feeling that I'm miserable.
199
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:46,655
How can I say it?
200
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:52,093
I try to resist the idea...
201
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,329
inside my head.
202
00:18:56,369 --> 00:19:02,399
But I always find myself
asking for sympathy.
203
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,344
Oh, no.
204
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:18,348
- You must be relieved.
- Yes, I am.
205
00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:21,959
- Did it hurt?
- Of course.
206
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,199
The baby is premature.
207
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:32,863
00 grams short of normal
weight. A bit too light.
208
00:19:36,143 --> 00:19:38,202
Who does he take after?
209
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,406
He's yawning.
210
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,251
A sweet little boy.
211
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:05,389
I tried hard,
212
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:10,466
but catching someone's
eye line...
213
00:21:13,173 --> 00:21:16,973
is very difficult.
214
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:23,078
When I point a camera at people,
215
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,475
they all look away.
216
00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:29,420
I expected that.
217
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:35,492
Pointing a camera and...
218
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:40,991
taking a shot in front of them
was very scary.
219
00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:43,836
I was really scared.
220
00:21:49,042 --> 00:21:52,443
If they are far away,
it's easy.
221
00:21:54,047 --> 00:21:56,515
To get close within 1 meter...
222
00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:02,343
when I walk up to them or...
223
00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:11,595
when they walk down the steps,
224
00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:22,364
I feel this enormous pressure.
225
00:22:25,412 --> 00:22:29,872
When I took shots
at the bus stop,
226
00:22:31,084 --> 00:22:33,985
I was very scared.
227
00:23:12,292 --> 00:23:15,022
I walk slow and look pathetic.
228
00:23:16,963 --> 00:23:20,763
What's wrong with that?
229
00:23:22,035 --> 00:23:25,198
Walking on knees...
230
00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:29,667
doesn't liberate me from
not being able to walk.
231
00:23:31,244 --> 00:23:33,610
We're outsiders.
232
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,547
We really are.
233
00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,776
We can never...
234
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:44,956
be insiders.
235
00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:50,455
Those who think...
236
00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:55,400
they are insiders...
237
00:24:00,340 --> 00:24:02,467
may end up being...
238
00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:05,808
outsiders.
239
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:13,585
Why don't they realize that?
240
00:24:14,521 --> 00:24:19,151
That's the point we're
trying to make.
241
00:24:19,692 --> 00:24:20,989
No dinner tonight?
242
00:24:21,461 --> 00:24:23,827
We should take tangerines home.
243
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:31,994
That's a problem.
244
00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:37,175
You dropped it.
245
00:24:37,544 --> 00:24:38,772
You'll do better next time.
246
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:42,273
- It tastes good.
- That's great.
247
00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,173
You're sharing it?
248
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,525
Eating is the most fun.
249
00:25:05,572 --> 00:25:08,473
That's disgusting.
250
00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:15,537
That is scary.
251
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,823
My stomach feels strange.
252
00:25:34,167 --> 00:25:35,725
I ate too much.
253
00:25:47,614 --> 00:25:49,912
They have fish, too.
254
00:25:50,283 --> 00:25:56,017
They have everything.
Tea, fish, fruits.
255
00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:58,755
Fish is no good these days.
256
00:26:02,128 --> 00:26:05,586
- Because of pollution.
- Yes, the pollution.
257
00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:09,698
Industrial sludge is a big problem.
258
00:26:25,818 --> 00:26:27,945
This one is sour.
259
00:26:43,570 --> 00:26:44,730
Sorry.
260
00:26:47,507 --> 00:26:50,635
You have to eat this one
in 40 minutes.
261
00:27:10,530 --> 00:27:11,827
Come over here.
262
00:27:22,375 --> 00:27:23,342
Go ahead.
263
00:27:25,311 --> 00:27:26,437
Eat up.
264
00:28:32,779 --> 00:28:36,875
I started smoking...
265
00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:40,742
when I was 16.
266
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:47,423
I slept with a woman
when I was 18.
267
00:28:47,794 --> 00:28:50,524
It was then that I realized...
268
00:28:52,465 --> 00:28:54,763
I was a man.
269
00:28:57,470 --> 00:29:00,928
I went...
270
00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:10,442
to a red light district.
I went there.
271
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,448
I kept going for four years.
272
00:29:17,824 --> 00:29:20,122
The first time I went,
273
00:29:21,327 --> 00:29:24,125
How can I put it?
274
00:29:25,998 --> 00:29:30,799
I didn't exactly...
275
00:29:31,838 --> 00:29:34,898
sleep with a woman.
276
00:29:36,676 --> 00:29:40,476
I must say that...
277
00:29:42,682 --> 00:29:47,142
I wasn't able to give them
pleasure at all.
278
00:29:51,524 --> 00:29:56,154
I just...
279
00:29:58,431 --> 00:30:01,923
satisfied myself.
280
00:30:05,872 --> 00:30:09,968
The second time,
281
00:30:16,716 --> 00:30:20,618
I slept...
282
00:30:21,053 --> 00:30:25,854
with a different woman.
283
00:30:26,893 --> 00:30:29,862
This woman...
284
00:30:31,063 --> 00:30:34,294
She was very good.
285
00:30:38,571 --> 00:30:39,799
And she...
286
00:30:40,173 --> 00:30:44,542
made me come with her sighs.
287
00:30:45,178 --> 00:30:49,376
That may be...
288
00:30:50,850 --> 00:30:52,317
because...
289
00:30:52,919 --> 00:30:56,047
I was handicapped.
290
00:30:59,659 --> 00:31:07,794
I've been told to speak
honestly about myself.
291
00:31:08,267 --> 00:31:13,728
I left the facility when I was 16.
292
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:19,070
With a friend of mine...
293
00:31:21,747 --> 00:31:24,181
from work training program,
294
00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:28,680
I went to a red light district
and lost my virginity.
295
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,919
I kept going there for a while.
296
00:31:38,297 --> 00:31:41,425
When I was twenty,
297
00:31:43,736 --> 00:31:48,435
I fell in love with a woman
who had polio.
298
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:51,933
She got pregnant.
299
00:31:53,312 --> 00:31:58,545
But her family opposed
and we had to split.
300
00:31:59,151 --> 00:32:02,177
I attempted suicide.
301
00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:06,949
They still didn't want me
to marry her.
302
00:32:07,927 --> 00:32:09,292
Then...
303
00:32:10,162 --> 00:32:15,259
I had a big fight with my friend...
304
00:32:15,835 --> 00:32:17,860
over a woman who later
became my wife.
305
00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:21,298
I did act out of my own ego.
306
00:32:22,475 --> 00:32:26,969
It was a big fight.
307
00:32:27,346 --> 00:32:29,644
I fought as hard...
308
00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:38,485
as any man can.
309
00:32:41,527 --> 00:32:44,928
I felt...
310
00:32:46,699 --> 00:32:49,099
very strongly...
311
00:32:50,202 --> 00:32:57,005
about making her mine.
312
00:32:57,977 --> 00:33:00,343
I think it was...
313
00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:03,782
when I was fourteen.
314
00:33:04,717 --> 00:33:06,446
I had many brothers.
315
00:33:07,553 --> 00:33:09,851
They played a trick on me.
316
00:33:12,224 --> 00:33:14,522
From then on,
317
00:33:15,561 --> 00:33:17,859
I realized this feeling...
318
00:33:19,332 --> 00:33:25,202
that I want to sleep
with a woman.
319
00:33:25,738 --> 00:33:31,540
There was a cute girl...
320
00:33:32,078 --> 00:33:33,705
who lived nearby.
321
00:33:34,246 --> 00:33:37,147
I really wanted to have her.
322
00:33:37,917 --> 00:33:39,942
But she...
323
00:33:42,254 --> 00:33:46,156
totally avoided me.
324
00:33:48,427 --> 00:33:52,056
When I was sixteen,
325
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:56,728
I joined a gang and...
326
00:33:57,269 --> 00:34:00,238
I raped a girl.
327
00:34:01,273 --> 00:34:03,400
That was the first time...
328
00:34:04,110 --> 00:34:10,071
I fulfilled my sexual desire.
329
00:34:11,150 --> 00:34:17,248
Later, I realized that
I shouldn't have.
330
00:34:20,292 --> 00:34:26,026
Because I suffer from CP...
331
00:34:27,967 --> 00:34:32,404
it never occurred to me...
332
00:34:32,972 --> 00:34:37,272
that I can fulfill my desire
with a normal woman...
333
00:34:38,778 --> 00:34:41,212
That's all I can say.
334
00:34:45,584 --> 00:34:48,451
Nothing more to say.
335
00:34:49,655 --> 00:34:50,781
Stop filming.
336
00:34:53,325 --> 00:34:56,783
I can't say anymore.
337
00:34:58,097 --> 00:35:01,794
I really can't.
338
00:35:02,768 --> 00:35:09,037
I was 8 when I slept
with a woman.
339
00:35:09,842 --> 00:35:12,902
It was much later than others.
340
00:35:13,846 --> 00:35:19,045
She was a year older.
341
00:35:22,855 --> 00:35:26,791
When we tried to do it,
342
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:29,423
for some reason,
343
00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:34,662
I couldn't get it up.
344
00:35:35,201 --> 00:35:40,662
That's probably because...
345
00:35:43,576 --> 00:35:49,811
I suppressed it for
such a long time.
346
00:35:54,153 --> 00:35:58,351
We tried a few times.
347
00:36:01,894 --> 00:36:04,522
But it didn't work.
348
00:36:05,564 --> 00:36:08,863
I thought I wasn't a man.
349
00:36:11,237 --> 00:36:14,798
I thought I was impotent.
350
00:36:17,743 --> 00:36:20,371
I had no idea...
351
00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:28,119
how or where...
352
00:36:31,590 --> 00:36:33,990
to put it in.
353
00:36:34,693 --> 00:36:37,890
We tried a few more times.
354
00:36:41,934 --> 00:36:45,233
I started to get the hang of it.
355
00:36:45,871 --> 00:36:48,738
It finally worked.
356
00:36:50,776 --> 00:36:55,907
I thought I was OK.
357
00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:04,345
I asked the woman if
I was getting better.
358
00:37:06,125 --> 00:37:07,683
She said...
359
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:14,255
I could do better.
360
00:37:16,535 --> 00:37:19,766
I was really disappointed.
361
00:37:22,308 --> 00:37:23,775
Really.
362
00:37:25,411 --> 00:37:26,935
For me...
363
00:37:27,813 --> 00:37:34,116
thinking about sex was taboo.
364
00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:44,286
Something I shouldn't think about.
365
00:37:47,166 --> 00:37:51,398
So I didn't dare.
366
00:37:54,006 --> 00:37:57,464
I was told I was not capable...
367
00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:01,143
and I can't get married.
368
00:38:01,513 --> 00:38:05,916
I can be in love with someone,
but no marriages.
369
00:38:06,785 --> 00:38:12,018
People think my body
is not capable...
370
00:38:12,791 --> 00:38:15,157
to have sex.
371
00:38:16,528 --> 00:38:19,156
That's what they think.
372
00:38:20,466 --> 00:38:22,991
My uncle is the same.
373
00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:26,262
When I fall in love,
374
00:38:27,039 --> 00:38:29,337
he tells me I can't.
375
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:38,182
When I tell him I want
to get married,
376
00:38:39,885 --> 00:38:43,446
he tells me I can be in love,
but I can't get married.
377
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:49,624
When I tell him I want kids,
378
00:38:51,163 --> 00:38:56,533
he tells me I can get married,
but I can't have kids.
379
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,264
What is he thinking?
380
00:39:03,409 --> 00:39:08,369
I suppose he will tell me...
381
00:39:09,348 --> 00:39:17,551
I can have one kid, but not two.
382
00:39:23,595 --> 00:39:29,727
That's what healthy ones think.
383
00:39:31,103 --> 00:39:35,506
We have to show them that...
384
00:39:35,941 --> 00:39:38,569
we can get married and have kids.
385
00:39:40,112 --> 00:39:41,409
Even then,
386
00:39:42,715 --> 00:39:46,913
they will deny us...
387
00:39:50,622 --> 00:39:54,922
the next step.
388
00:39:56,128 --> 00:40:00,588
My uncle is not a bad person.
389
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,702
He treated me very well.
390
00:40:07,139 --> 00:40:10,438
I'm grateful.
391
00:40:11,410 --> 00:40:18,509
But his behavior typifies the
way healthy ones look at us.
392
00:40:18,884 --> 00:40:21,114
Alcohol is like a friend to CP.
393
00:40:21,487 --> 00:40:25,947
It relaxes muscles and
makes talking easier.
394
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:57,645
Who is looking up
at the barren sky
395
00:41:02,861 --> 00:41:10,495
What impressed you so
is now a ghost town
396
00:41:11,703 --> 00:41:14,604
After the love has been lost
397
00:41:28,220 --> 00:41:35,683
All that's left
is a song of farewell
398
00:41:40,232 --> 00:41:51,040
As you fly away
across the galaxy
399
00:46:27,853 --> 00:46:32,813
I'm not saying that we should
forget about this film.
400
00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:34,656
I'm saying...
401
00:46:36,528 --> 00:46:38,155
my family...
402
00:46:39,865 --> 00:46:45,167
has a problem.
403
00:46:46,538 --> 00:46:51,498
I shall no longer...
404
00:46:53,044 --> 00:46:57,845
walk on my knees.
405
00:47:00,552 --> 00:47:04,283
I really shouldn't.
406
00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:07,018
No matter what.
407
00:47:10,996 --> 00:47:16,901
If we continue filming like that,
408
00:47:19,905 --> 00:47:22,533
my wife will divorce me.
409
00:47:24,409 --> 00:47:26,468
That's the situation.
410
00:47:27,579 --> 00:47:29,911
She said she will divorce you?
411
00:47:31,183 --> 00:47:33,048
It's not just a threat.
412
00:47:37,088 --> 00:47:38,715
She understands...
413
00:47:40,025 --> 00:47:45,895
what it's like to walk on knees.
414
00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:50,897
She knows...
415
00:47:52,103 --> 00:47:57,063
how miserable it is...
416
00:48:00,111 --> 00:48:02,238
to walk on knees.
417
00:48:06,618 --> 00:48:09,678
She feels miserable...
418
00:48:11,223 --> 00:48:16,092
when she sees me...
419
00:48:19,731 --> 00:48:22,825
walking on my knees.
420
00:48:56,968 --> 00:48:59,630
You're compromising yourself.
421
00:49:00,338 --> 00:49:04,138
How can you resign yourself...
422
00:49:06,845 --> 00:49:09,143
just like that so easily?
423
00:49:11,349 --> 00:49:14,910
You're the man in the family.
424
00:49:15,687 --> 00:49:21,148
You're the one to make rules.
425
00:49:21,860 --> 00:49:25,921
No need to listen to her.
426
00:49:27,198 --> 00:49:32,500
You're the head of the family,
or aren't you?
427
00:49:38,710 --> 00:49:40,177
I was being patient.
428
00:49:45,717 --> 00:49:48,053
If she wants to divorce you
like that so easily,
429
00:49:48,053 --> 00:49:50,954
you should never have married her.
430
00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:52,353
That's right.
431
00:49:52,724 --> 00:49:58,594
I'm sure they took the marriage
seriously and...
432
00:49:59,698 --> 00:50:03,600
it's not going to be that
easy to separate.
433
00:50:05,737 --> 00:50:10,640
We're telling Yokota all this.
434
00:50:11,743 --> 00:50:15,509
But we're convincing
ourselves, too.
435
00:50:19,084 --> 00:50:24,078
We have to consider his place
as well as ours.
436
00:50:30,095 --> 00:50:33,895
You want to abandon this
film project.
437
00:50:35,100 --> 00:50:37,830
But us the Green Lawn,
438
00:50:39,604 --> 00:50:41,834
talking about money again,
439
00:50:43,441 --> 00:50:48,401
we all put money in the film.
440
00:50:48,780 --> 00:50:51,908
But you want to quit for your
personal reasons.
441
00:50:53,785 --> 00:50:59,587
That is what I call...
442
00:51:00,291 --> 00:51:02,589
cheating.
443
00:51:13,805 --> 00:51:14,863
You bastard.
444
00:51:21,646 --> 00:51:22,704
It's the truth.
445
00:51:23,648 --> 00:51:27,880
Go ahead and hit me.
446
00:51:31,322 --> 00:51:32,346
I tried.
447
00:51:33,324 --> 00:51:36,782
I tried my best so far.
448
00:51:40,265 --> 00:51:43,632
We know you did.
449
00:51:47,839 --> 00:51:49,966
Will you please leave?
450
00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:53,801
Yoshiko, shut up.
451
00:51:55,346 --> 00:51:56,313
No one...
452
00:51:57,682 --> 00:52:00,242
can accuse me of cheating.
453
00:52:06,691 --> 00:52:08,818
I mean no one.
454
00:52:17,969 --> 00:52:21,666
How dare you in my house!
455
00:52:26,211 --> 00:52:27,337
This is too much.
456
00:52:28,379 --> 00:52:29,846
I'm calling someone.
457
00:52:36,387 --> 00:52:38,014
How dare you!
458
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:55,433
How can you!
459
00:52:57,909 --> 00:52:59,706
Please calm down.
460
00:53:01,012 --> 00:53:02,775
This is unlawful entry.
461
00:53:05,717 --> 00:53:07,207
I'll get someone.
462
00:53:11,923 --> 00:53:14,824
How can you behave like this?
463
00:53:18,930 --> 00:53:20,227
Don't hit her.
464
00:53:21,432 --> 00:53:26,233
I don't want Hara
to see us like this.
465
00:53:32,443 --> 00:53:34,570
Let's talk this over.
466
00:53:34,946 --> 00:53:39,906
You went too far.
467
00:53:42,287 --> 00:53:44,585
Mom, you're bleeding.
468
00:53:52,230 --> 00:53:53,595
What do you want?
469
00:53:58,636 --> 00:54:00,365
You're not a woman.
470
00:54:02,073 --> 00:54:04,268
Let me ask you.
471
00:54:05,476 --> 00:54:07,603
I've been so patient.
472
00:54:10,148 --> 00:54:14,278
What about your own family?
473
00:54:14,652 --> 00:54:17,382
I didn't want to bring this up.
474
00:54:18,823 --> 00:54:22,452
How about you, Koyama?
475
00:54:23,428 --> 00:54:30,459
You want to break up a family
to continue this film?
476
00:54:30,835 --> 00:54:34,794
What we're asking...
477
00:54:35,173 --> 00:54:39,132
is why filming should interfere...
478
00:54:39,510 --> 00:54:43,469
with your family life.
479
00:54:59,030 --> 00:55:00,497
Please leave.
480
00:55:02,533 --> 00:55:03,830
Please.
481
00:55:08,039 --> 00:55:09,336
Go away.
482
00:55:43,908 --> 00:55:47,036
Dad, don't come in.
483
00:55:49,113 --> 00:55:51,138
Don't hit your father.
484
00:55:59,590 --> 00:56:02,388
Please call my sister.
485
00:56:47,305 --> 00:56:49,205
You in the middle should stand.
486
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:53,041
Then another row.
487
00:57:00,418 --> 00:57:02,113
Please hurry.
488
00:57:06,591 --> 00:57:09,788
Over here.
Hurry up.
489
00:57:14,665 --> 00:57:16,929
Running out of time here.
490
00:57:27,845 --> 00:57:29,312
Come over here.
491
00:57:34,852 --> 00:57:37,650
Don't worry about the camera.
492
00:57:42,193 --> 00:57:43,160
Yes, stand over there.
493
00:57:44,629 --> 00:57:46,654
Step up here.
494
00:57:50,868 --> 00:57:51,835
Hurry.
495
00:57:57,375 --> 00:57:58,342
One more time.
496
00:58:35,746 --> 00:58:36,713
That's it.
497
00:58:49,494 --> 00:58:51,724
One hour free time.
498
00:58:58,202 --> 00:59:00,568
Before my child was born,
499
00:59:00,938 --> 00:59:05,170
we talked about if we want
a boy or a girl.
500
00:59:05,877 --> 00:59:08,402
I wanted a girl.
501
00:59:12,116 --> 00:59:14,584
I said I didn't really care.
502
00:59:15,119 --> 00:59:17,178
But I wanted a girl.
503
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:27,727
Then, I imagined...
504
00:59:30,134 --> 00:59:31,863
my baby girl...
505
00:59:33,804 --> 00:59:36,602
growing up.
506
00:59:40,077 --> 00:59:44,776
But I didn't...
507
00:59:48,753 --> 00:59:52,120
picture her...
508
00:59:55,593 --> 01:00:00,121
with CP.
509
01:00:02,500 --> 01:00:04,730
I just pictured her...
510
01:00:06,737 --> 01:00:08,295
with long hair...
511
01:00:10,608 --> 01:00:12,303
and a mini skirt.
512
01:00:12,677 --> 01:00:14,770
An ordinary cute girl.
513
01:00:16,347 --> 01:00:20,647
That's how I imagined her.
514
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:28,820
I just couldn't help it.
515
01:00:31,295 --> 01:00:35,322
What I imagined ...
516
01:00:35,700 --> 01:00:39,261
was different from
what we advocate.
517
01:00:45,543 --> 01:00:48,341
Since I was a child,
518
01:00:49,714 --> 01:00:51,682
I was very shy.
519
01:00:55,386 --> 01:01:01,188
I was always scared
of being looked at...
520
01:01:02,326 --> 01:01:04,692
on the streets.
521
01:01:11,902 --> 01:01:15,963
When I felt that I was
being watched,
522
01:01:17,742 --> 01:01:20,370
my body got really tense.
523
01:01:22,079 --> 01:01:25,014
It made walking very difficult.
524
01:01:32,757 --> 01:01:34,384
I developed a phobia
525
01:01:39,030 --> 01:01:42,158
toward normal people.
526
01:01:46,370 --> 01:01:48,838
Everything we do,
527
01:01:49,774 --> 01:01:52,072
we had to be assisted.
528
01:01:53,678 --> 01:01:56,340
We can only be passive.
529
01:02:00,785 --> 01:02:03,379
People ask us questions,
530
01:02:05,623 --> 01:02:08,091
and take pictures of us.
531
01:02:14,065 --> 01:02:17,762
We hardly do anything
ourselves.
532
01:02:18,969 --> 01:02:20,937
I didn't want that.
533
01:02:26,243 --> 01:02:27,608
I thought about...
534
01:02:31,315 --> 01:02:35,775
what I can do.
535
01:02:37,655 --> 01:02:39,384
I wanted to reverse roles.
536
01:02:48,099 --> 01:02:55,028
When I was with Hara, he always
took pictures of me.
537
01:02:57,174 --> 01:02:58,300
Damn him.
538
01:02:58,843 --> 01:03:00,470
Why can't I do that?
539
01:03:00,845 --> 01:03:08,308
Why can't I be the photographer?
540
01:03:09,286 --> 01:03:11,481
So I started taking pictures myself.
541
01:03:20,598 --> 01:03:23,829
The reasons why I take pictures...
542
01:03:27,538 --> 01:03:31,838
stems from the fact...
543
01:03:34,445 --> 01:03:37,608
that I have CP.
544
01:03:38,549 --> 01:03:41,643
But I don't know how...
545
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:45,546
that relationship has anything
to do with problems of CP.
546
01:03:46,023 --> 01:03:48,514
I don't really care.
547
01:03:51,896 --> 01:03:55,525
This is about my feelings.
548
01:03:59,069 --> 01:04:02,197
I used to try to hide myself...
549
01:04:05,676 --> 01:04:10,375
on the train or on the bus.
550
01:04:11,248 --> 01:04:15,480
I didn't want to be
seen by the public.
551
01:04:18,856 --> 01:04:21,654
The more I tried,
552
01:04:22,593 --> 01:04:26,654
I felt even more exposed.
553
01:04:28,199 --> 01:04:29,996
But having a camera...
554
01:04:33,437 --> 01:04:36,406
I may be exaggerating...
555
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:38,665
changed my world.
556
01:04:40,444 --> 01:04:45,746
But being behind the camera
is not so easy.
557
01:04:48,285 --> 01:04:50,845
No matter how hard I try,
558
01:04:51,121 --> 01:04:54,750
it doesn't get easy.
559
01:04:57,328 --> 01:05:01,560
It's much more difficult...
560
01:05:01,899 --> 01:05:06,836
than I first expected it to be.
561
01:05:12,543 --> 01:05:15,273
The first time, I was so scared.
562
01:05:20,251 --> 01:05:24,620
My legs were shaking.
My hands, too.
563
01:05:27,591 --> 01:05:32,619
I haven't drunk a drop
of water since last night.
564
01:05:34,598 --> 01:05:40,298
I didn't want to have to
go to the bathroom.
565
01:06:18,309 --> 01:06:25,511
That's what I always do when
I know I have to go out.
566
01:06:28,319 --> 01:06:29,013
How much do you weigh?
567
01:06:30,154 --> 01:06:31,678
Under 40kg.
568
01:06:35,893 --> 01:06:41,695
Just like that anorexic actress.
569
01:06:48,172 --> 01:06:49,662
Your glasses are all scratched.
570
01:06:51,075 --> 01:06:54,135
I drop them too often.
571
01:07:00,117 --> 01:07:02,517
The lenses are really thick.
572
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:05,147
You can't see anything
without them?
573
01:07:14,198 --> 01:07:16,496
Can you recognize me?
574
01:07:17,434 --> 01:07:18,560
Not at all.
575
01:07:59,476 --> 01:08:04,846
You say people don't
understand what you say.
576
01:08:06,850 --> 01:08:07,942
You really think so?
577
01:08:09,420 --> 01:08:12,583
How can they?
578
01:08:14,825 --> 01:08:20,263
So you'll be doing this
just to satisfy yourself?
579
01:08:21,165 --> 01:08:23,895
No, that's not it.
580
01:08:24,935 --> 01:08:32,740
I think they will understand
something...
581
01:08:34,078 --> 01:08:38,242
even if they don't understand
every single word.
582
01:08:38,615 --> 01:08:39,582
How's that?
583
01:08:40,184 --> 01:08:43,210
They'll wonder what I'm doing.
584
01:08:44,788 --> 01:08:48,246
You don't want them to know
you're reciting your poems.
585
01:08:48,692 --> 01:08:53,254
Well, if they're really listening,
586
01:08:53,530 --> 01:08:55,157
they'll understand.
587
01:08:56,133 --> 01:08:57,191
You think so?
588
01:08:58,769 --> 01:09:00,964
So we don't need to set up?
589
01:09:04,942 --> 01:09:08,901
Should we make a sign that
says Poem Reading?
590
01:09:12,816 --> 01:09:13,942
No need?
591
01:09:18,889 --> 01:09:22,950
Yokota Hiroshi Poem Reading...
592
01:09:26,330 --> 01:09:28,195
Meeting?
593
01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:31,331
Poem Reading Meeting?
594
01:09:31,735 --> 01:09:35,364
I guess not a meeting.
595
01:09:40,410 --> 01:09:44,107
Yokota Hiroshi Reads Poems.
596
01:09:49,987 --> 01:09:51,784
Shinjuku Station
597
01:13:59,669 --> 01:14:03,127
He's going to read poems.
598
01:14:04,841 --> 01:14:08,038
He's reading poems.
599
01:14:10,113 --> 01:14:14,846
Everyone, he is a poet and is going
to read his poems.
600
01:14:16,286 --> 01:14:19,983
Please everyone listen.
601
01:14:36,807 --> 01:14:39,776
''Poem''
602
01:14:43,880 --> 01:14:46,849
''Hiroshi''
603
01:15:14,744 --> 01:15:17,713
''Yokota''
604
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:28,223
Please listen to my poem.
605
01:15:35,832 --> 01:15:40,235
It's called Legs.
606
01:15:47,444 --> 01:15:52,677
You who stand there
all around me
607
01:15:57,787 --> 01:16:02,247
You have legs
on which to stand
608
01:16:03,793 --> 01:16:05,090
You...
609
01:16:08,932 --> 01:16:15,770
You forbid me to walk
610
01:16:17,307 --> 01:16:20,606
That is how...
611
01:16:22,245 --> 01:16:24,941
you keep your legs
612
01:16:32,088 --> 01:16:33,885
All the people around me
613
01:16:35,825 --> 01:16:37,793
All the legs surrounding me
614
01:16:46,269 --> 01:16:47,463
You
615
01:16:51,107 --> 01:16:53,473
for what reasons
616
01:16:56,947 --> 01:17:01,748
forbid me to walk?
617
01:17:02,586 --> 01:17:03,712
Who is in charge here?
618
01:17:07,924 --> 01:17:09,414
Who is it?
619
01:17:14,197 --> 01:17:16,495
Sure. OK. Fine.
620
01:17:17,033 --> 01:17:18,159
What are you doing?
621
01:17:18,535 --> 01:17:19,502
I'm recording.
622
01:17:20,637 --> 01:17:21,604
Recording what?
623
01:17:22,606 --> 01:17:24,335
You're bothering people.
624
01:17:26,209 --> 01:17:30,339
This is a freak show.
Please stop.
625
01:18:24,934 --> 01:18:28,563
We set out to make this film...
626
01:18:30,940 --> 01:18:33,408
to show that we can't
do anything.
627
01:18:34,477 --> 01:18:36,911
But I was hoping...
628
01:18:37,881 --> 01:18:39,576
I could do something...
629
01:18:42,118 --> 01:18:45,349
to make a different...
630
01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:50,852
kind of film.
631
01:18:51,995 --> 01:18:53,189
That was...
632
01:18:54,397 --> 01:18:56,262
what I...
633
01:18:58,968 --> 01:19:04,702
what I thought.
634
01:19:10,580 --> 01:19:14,243
But while we went through...
635
01:19:16,152 --> 01:19:18,780
the process of making the film,
636
01:19:21,925 --> 01:19:23,222
my hopes...
637
01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:30,222
were completely shattered.
638
01:19:37,941 --> 01:19:39,306
How can I say?
639
01:19:41,177 --> 01:19:42,906
After all...
640
01:19:47,917 --> 01:19:49,817
in many levels...
641
01:19:51,287 --> 01:19:53,152
I require...
642
01:19:54,124 --> 01:19:56,592
some form of protection.
643
01:19:58,228 --> 01:20:03,495
That's the only way...
644
01:20:05,368 --> 01:20:08,997
I can survive.
645
01:20:11,207 --> 01:20:16,611
I could never be on my own.
646
01:20:22,018 --> 01:20:23,952
In that sense,
647
01:20:27,657 --> 01:20:33,357
that realization made me feel...
648
01:20:34,564 --> 01:20:36,964
totally empty.
649
01:20:41,571 --> 01:20:43,630
To be honest,
650
01:20:46,676 --> 01:20:48,541
I'm not sure...
651
01:20:51,748 --> 01:20:54,546
how I can move on.
652
01:20:57,086 --> 01:21:03,514
That's how I feel.
653
01:22:31,514 --> 01:22:34,483
Produced by Shisso Production
654
01:22:34,851 --> 01:22:37,820
With the cooperation of
The Green Lawn and
655
01:22:38,187 --> 01:22:41,156
Japan CP Association
656
01:22:43,026 --> 01:22:46,325
Directed and photographed by
Kazuo Hara
657
01:22:46,696 --> 01:22:49,995
Produced by
Sachiko Kobayashi
43107
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