Original subtitles

Good evening and welcome to the Alfred Hitchcock Hour.

This object plays an important part in a new television series we are in the

process of creating.

Since the public, or at least the producers, relish stories about the

military, we will soon launch our own series about World War II.

World War II BC, that is.

As wars go, I can't say this is a favourite of mine.

I had hoped to get one with a catchy title, like the Wars of the Roses or the

Whiskey Rebellion, but of course they were snapped up long ago.

This trend is not difficult to understand if you know it is an

established fact that situations are more dramatic and jokes are funnier if

the characters involved are dressed in uniforms.

This explains a large number of shows about nurses, maids, butlers, etc.

Naturally, these remarks have nothing at all to do with tonight's story.

They are only meant to divert your attention so that our sponsor can sneak

up on you. And here he is, ready to pounce.

Oh, the hangover.

What happened?

Must have blacked out.

This is the worst one yet.

Sandy's going to raise you like yesterday morning at

breakfast.

Hurry up, Hatt. You're late already.

Three times this week.

I feel so lousy.

A little sympathy, huh?

It's your own fault. You don't have to go through it every morning.

If I don't, who will?

I couldn't find my lucky necktie, the one with the... the stripe.

Start your breakfast.

I'll find it.

I love wine. Not first thing in the morning.

Cooking, Sherry.

I'm cooking with it.

Old Purvis family recipe.

Hadley Purvis's instant morning joy.

I don't think you're very amusing.

I needed an eye-opener.

There's nothing else around the house.

I suppose not. You managed to drink everything up the night before.

Here's your tie.

Thank you, my little helpmate.

What would I do without you?

I don't know, but you may have the chance to find out.

Sandy!

Don't be so serious.

I am serious.

And you should be, too.

You're ruining your life and you're ruining your career with your drinking.

Now, just a minute.

It's my idea, my campaign the agency's presenting to the client today.

It's just about your last chance, and you know it.

Pat, I can't take any more of it. You're drinking and carrying on.

You make me sound like an alcoholic.

You are.

Don't say that. Don't ever say that.

I'm not.

You won't face it, but I have to.

The next time, the very next time you go on a binge, I'm leaving you. For good.

Sandy.

Oh, come on, don't be so mad.

Sandy?

You can't!

You can't!

Sandy? Well, I should hope not. I'm marrying.

Where'd you come from?

Nice present, huh?

Sandy didn't bring me.

You did.

You want me to fix you some eggs, Sonny?

You better get out of here fast before my wife finds you. Or has she already?

Your old lady?

Why worry?

You weren't worrying last night.

Catch you on the rock.

Easy on the rock.

We're closing up. It's close to three.

I won't tell anyone if you don't.

I want a drink.

Get out of here. We don't want any trouble.

You're a fink.

I'll take care of the drunk.

It's all yours.

Here, old finks.

I'll buy old finks drinks.

Hey. Hey.

Set him up.

I'll buy old finks drinks.

Hello, honey.

I hear you want a drink.

I'll get you one right at the bottle.

Lady, you must have pull around this joint.

It's just my good looks.

Where are we going?

Let's sit down. We have to be careful about the drinks.

It's dark in here.

Be careful. Don't worry. I'll take care of you.

Now you sound like Sandra.

Don't want to sound like no one except myself.

What's your name, honey?

Had.

Had?

That's a real mad name. What is it? Had one, had two, had how many? Had enough.

I didn't mean to make you sore, honey.

You haven't even told me that you like me yet.

Haven't I?

It's my error.

My oversight.

My loss.

I think you're lovely.

You're gorgeous. You're adorable. You're desirable.

You're the eternal woman.

You're all women rolled up into one.

Yet, I don't even know your name.

Marion.

Oh, that's a beautiful name.

Marion.

Shades have made Marion herself.

Let's run away someplace.

We'll start life anew in a forest dell or a desert island.

You know, it's really no fun at all being alone, is it?

No.

But we'll go away.

Have plenty of money. No worries.

What do you think of that, Sandra?

I think you're stoned.

You've got to tell me the truth.

Tell me what happened.

You don't remember?

When we got back here, did you have a fight with Sandra?

No, honey, I sure didn't. She wasn't even here.

You know what?

I don't miss her a bit.

to get to the office.

I have to get to the office. I'm late now.

It's okay, honey.

No, it's not okay.

When I get back, I want to find you gone.

Now, there's no way to talk, honey.

Marianne, be a sweet child. Be reasonable.

If Sandra finds you here, she could sue me for broke.

No dough, no fun.

You wouldn't like that, would you?

No.

But I like you.

See you at the club.

Mr. Purvis, you can't go in there.

What do you mean, Albert, I can't go into my own office?

I'm sorry, Mr. Purvis, those are Mr. Driscoll's orders.

He told me himself.

Right, Albert, get me Mr. Driscoll on the phone.

And he said he didn't want to talk to you.

Let's see about that.

Pad, why not save yourself further embarrassment?

He wouldn't believe me, Mr. Hunter.

Well, my old colleague.

What are you doing in my office, Bill?

If you don't remember, you'd better come in.

Well, Bill, I always knew you wanted my job.

I didn't think you'd get it overnight.

I didn't get your job had. You kicked yourself out of it.

I'm fired.

That's it.

And you can't blame Dave Driscoll.

What happened? The Colton bunch didn't like the campaign?

Well... Don't interrupt me, Bill.

Hold kit and caboodle.

Newspapers, magazines, radio, television.

It's all my idea.

I worked on it for a full eight months.

Do you mean to tell me that you don't remember that you were staggering drunk

at the presentation?

What?

Are you putting on an act?

Bill, I don't remember.

I don't remember.

If you say so.

It doesn't make any difference.

Not anymore.

You've really ripped it.

You've ripped it for good.

It started in a bar.

In the convention room at the hotel.

Dry martini, please.

Sorry, sir, but the bar was closed and the meeting started.

That's odd. I'm the meeting and I just got here.

Well, maybe they don't know that.

And, uh, gentlemen, the chart indicates the best available estimate in the

various media, as you can see for yourselves.

Now, in magazines, we have 14,270,616.

Newspapers, $174,922,707. Radio spots,

$68,000... $68,919,445.

Ever seen me make a $10 bill appear?

Nope.

I need a glass.

You have one on your hand.

Yes, sir.

I may not be Houdini, but I'm working at it.

Outdoor, billboards and so on, $7,243,555.

Television, $337,780,000.

322,

making a grand total of 603,136

,641. And with this combined impact in all the media,

confined to the post-announcement period of six weeks, then the cost per viewer

or listener is reduced to a very respectable minimum.

Are there any questions?

Oh, well, good. I thought there wouldn't be. I think the little pamphlet we

passed out is very explicit.

We've tried to indicate exactly what we have in mind for the entire campaign.

And, of course, we intend to give everyone a certain amount of leeway in

his own area.

Well, let's all turn to page 19, shall we? Out of the little booklet that you

have in your hands there.

Now, on page 19, which is in reference to billboards, outdoor spots,

we are carrying on, I think, a rather subtle campaign there. We are carrying

on a campaign to do away with billboards sponsored by the cosmic gods.

Where the devil have you been? Good evening, William.

Driscoll's been looking all over for you. He's beginning to get pretty sore.

That meeting's been going on in there for about two hours. Yes, I heard

Cushman putting everybody to sleep.

You know, next year, we've got to get an alarm clock account to keep our other

clients awake.

There may not be a next year. Oh, don't be so grim. What you need is a drink,

old man. Fix this fellow up.

Not now.

All right, Had.

You can't pretend not to know how important this is.

I know.

Then act like it.

All right, Had. You're here. The whole ball of wax is yours. We've been

stalling till you got here.

On with the dance.

Now, everything's riding on this. If you have any doubts... Bill, old buddy, take

me to your leader.

Okay.

I'll tell Driscoll you're ready.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Then lay off the Inquisition.

that everyone concerned... Oh, shit.

...a certain amount of initiative in the campaign in his own area.

However, there are certain guidelines that we've tried to put down so that

there'll be more or less a unanimity of approach throughout the entire country

on our latest campaign.

Do you have a pitcher?

Oh, yes.

Yeah? Ordinary water glass?

I recommend you to all the youth hostels.

Thank you.

Well, gentlemen, we've heard from marketing and merchandising, and now we

come to the high point of our campaign, the sales messages themselves, which

will blast out additional sales from a highly competitive market for Colton

cars.

And now the man who is responsible for this campaign, our creative director,

Mr. Hadley Purvis. Pad?

on the way to the office.

It rained.

Not enough to stop the drought, though.

Supposed to have a flip-flop here. Where's the flip-flop?

It's backstage, Had.

Are you sure?

Yes, I saw it.

Well, if you saw it, that's good enough for me.

Oh.

and a grand piano.

Try taking that home on the subway sometime.

Rush hour.

Now this agency client presentation is important

because it will determine what will later be shown in the dealer meetings

throughout the country.

The dealers...

As I was saying...

As

I was saying, we considered and discarded 31 different themes for this

new campaign before finally determining upon the Colton Cosmic opening

the space age to the highways.

Colton Cosmic.

Out of this world with the Cosmic.

Of course.

Had, uh, Mr. Blake would like to ask you a question.

Certainly.

I'm a little confused, Mr. Purvis.

You said the new theme was going to be the Colton Cosmic, opening the space age

to the highways.

But now you indicate out of this world with the Cosmic.

I don't understand.

Yes.

I did say that, Mr. Blake.

And there's a good reason.

A very good reason.

Let me explain to you in just one minute.

Now.

You ask me.

two different themes.

We don't have two different... We don't have two different themes.

But the same theme put differently. Is that clear?

No.

I'm sorry, but it isn't.

Well.

Let me see if I can put it a different way, then.

We have Golden Cosmic opening the space age to the highways.

Then we have the other one.

Out of this world with the cosmic.

Now.

Here we have again, as you can see,

opening the space age, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Mr. Blake, I had a saying that the theme opening the space age to the highways is

for magazines and newspapers.

The other is for radio and TV.

That's one way of putting it.

As a matter of fact, it's correct.

I guess that answers your question, Mr. Blake.

Not quite, Mr. Purvis.

Why use another slogan for radio and TV?

Right.

Now... You asked me a very good question.

Mr. Blake, the theme, Out of This World with a Cosmic, is better adapted to

music. Exactly.

I'll thank you, Mr. Hunter, to let me handle the explanations.

Miss Blake!

Who would ever try to sing with music?

Out of this world... No.

Colton Cosmic!

Opening the space age to the highway!

Voice isn't very good.

Now we try.

Out of this world with a cosmic...

You know what I mean?

Well, gentlemen, we may as well continue this meeting after dinner. It's late and

I'm sure we're all hungry.

Anything you say, David.

I could also use some fresh air.

And a drink.

See you later, Bob.

Go home, Purvis. You're through.

And don't bother to clean out your desk.

We'll send your things and your check.

I didn't think you had enough nerve to fire me, Patsy.

I'm not worried.

But a lot of other people whose job you've put in jeopardy are.

You're a clever man, Parvis.

A real personality kid.

But this town is full of clever men who can hold their liquor.

Completing the first half of our play has so exhausted our actors that they

need a rest.

However, in television, it is a cardinal sin to allow the viewer a single moment

when his ears and eyes are not assaulted by sound and fury.

Therefore, we shall now ask your local stations to take up the battle.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, a commercial.

after which we shall show a few scenes from this week's show.

Oh, yes.

Now I remember.

There isn't anything more to say, is there?

Albert, to what do I owe the intrusion?

Well, I didn't get a chance to talk to you before you left the office.

I wanted to tell you how sorry I was about how all this worked out.

Thank you very much, Albert. That's very, very kind.

Well, when Mr. Driscoll came in so angry this morning, I... See, I didn't want to

tell you you couldn't go at all. I understand, Albert. That's very nice of

you to tell me. Thank you very much.

You know, we're going to miss you around there.

You've helped me an awful lot.

You've been very nice to me.

You know, I've learned something from you.

I've taught you abstemiousness.

Beware of demon rum, Albert.

You know, Mr.

Driscoll doesn't believe in paying us very much.

I don't know how to say this. I don't want to trouble you with this at this

time, but...

Well, do you remember the errand you sent me on?

Yes,

you know, that day that you had a cold.

Oh, you remember. You came to me and you told me you had a cold and you sent me

out to the liquor store?

Yes.

Well,

I had to pay for that out of my own pocket.

How much do I owe you, Albert?

Oh, well, I have a receipt right here. I don't want the receipt. Just tell me how

much I owe you.

$7.70.

Buy your mother a present.

Thank you, Mr. Purvis.

You're a nice man, Albert.

I'm sorry I bothered you at a time like this. Thank you, Albert.

Mr. Purvis!

I don't want the receipt, Albert.

Oh, this isn't mine. It fell out of your wallet.

The Sweaterama.

What did I buy for ten dollars?

What is it?

Can't make it out.

I must have bought it sometime last night.

Thank you very much, Albert.

Well, thank you, Mr. Purvis, and good luck.

Hello? Good evening.

This is Sweaterama, isn't it?

You must have gotten to appear.

What do you want to do?

Exchange it?

I'm not surprised. I thought you would.

Say, you two look... Have I seen you before?

You certainly have.

Last night.

That's right.

You waited on me.

Good evening, sir.

May I help you?

May I ask you a question?

Certainly, sir.

Do you think I'm drunk?

Why, no, sir.

Not necessarily.

Oh, a drink or two before dinner, perhaps.

Is that all you want? Drunk can't go shopping, right?

A drunk can't buy anything.

I'm sober. I'm perfectly sober.

I'll buy something to prove I'm not drunk, right?

Well, I suppose if you... And Sandra can't say I was drunk?

Proved at Driscoll and Blake I'm not drunk?

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

A nice present.

Here we have a string of genuine cultured pearls.

Exquisite. Solid gold clasp.

Only $50.

No, that's too much.

Everybody say I was drunk.

What's that over there?

That's a silk scarf. It's only $10.

Okay.

Oh, that's very pretty.

I'll take it.

Would you like me to gift wrap it?

No, thanks. I don't have time.

I'll put it in the bag.

That'll be $10.

Would you like to exchange the scarf for something else?

Would you like to exchange the scarf for something else?

No.

I'll keep it.

I, uh... Did I say where I was going last night?

No.

I didn't use your telephone.

You didn't. No.

Thank you very much

Andy

Sandy Sandy oh, I thought I heard you honey And

I tell you to get out

again though

May I speak to Mr. Hunter, please?

Hello, Bill.

Had purpose. I'm awfully sorry to bother you at home like... No, I just wanted to

ask you one question.

Did either you or Driscoll call Sandra last night? Give her the bad news?

No, I didn't think you had.

Well, I haven't seen her since yesterday morning.

Pretty pajamas Sandra left behind.

Thank you very much, Bill. I'm awfully sorry to bother you. Guess she got sore

and went to some hotel.

She runs out of money. She'll come home.

But you won't be here, will you, honey? You'll be with Mary, won't you?

I told you this morning to get out. Now pack and get going.

Where's all your cab?

Not so fast, Mr. Prentice.

Who do you think you are ordering me around?

Oh, get lost.

And after all the lousy time I've wasted on you.

You make me sick.

Let me tell you, you creep, you drunk.

When you loaded your revolting, disgusting.

No woman arrived and I would spend two seconds with you. Oh, shut up.

And I don't blame your old bag of a wiper running right on you.

Cab is here.

I said, your taxi's out front.

I heard you.

Marion, I'm awfully sorry I lost my temper.

I should say you did.

I've never done anything like that before.

Nerves, I guess, and losing my job.

All I can say is that you sure have an awful mean way of taking things out on

people. Well, I'm trying to make it up to you.

No, I want you to keep it.

But you want it for me not to go to the cops.

Cause any trouble.

Afraid your wife will find out about it.

All right.

I know when to keep my mouth shut.

Birthday party.

That extra bottle left over.

I hid it from Sandra.

Sandra? Sandy?

Out of your head.

Head.

How'd things go at the... I don't need to ask that, do I?

I came home early.

It's only one o'clock.

I told you, head, what I was going to do if you got drunk again.

I'll pack my things and leave in the morning.

Oh, if you can, Sandy, you can. Why can't I? Give me one good reason why I

have to live like this. You're my good luck without you, Sandy. I've cried for

nearly ten years. It's hopeless.

Now I'm going to bed.

You've got to stick with me.

Stick with you? What do you mean?

I wasn't drunk, Sandy. Can you understand that?

I can prove it.

I'll show you. Did you lose your job? Is that it?

Driscoll's an oaf.

Blake's words, afraid of facts, can't face the truth.

I asked, did you lose your job?

I'll find a better one. You stick with me, Sandy. You won't be sorry.

It's the beginning of the end, and you don't know it. From now on, there'll be

a lot of jobs. Each one less and less until one day. There won't be any job at

all. No, don't say that. It's not true. Listen, wait, Sandy.

It wasn't my fault.

I wasn't drunk.

I just had two drinks. I can prove it.

It doesn't matter. We're through, Harry. Look, Sandy, look. I went shopping. I

bought it just for you. I couldn't have gone shopping if I was drunk, could I?

It's real genuine silk.

Try it. Put it on. I don't want it. You've got to want it!

It's yours!

It proves that Driscoll was wrong!

And Blake was wrong! And all of them were wrong!

And it proves that you're wrong about my drinking!

And it proves that I bought it! It proves that I love you!

Can't you understand that? Can't you realize you've got to put it on?

What are you doing? Take it off!

I detested! Just wear it, that's all.

You're beautiful, Sandy, and the scarf is beautiful.

It's just for you.

This concludes tonight's story.

Of course, there was a legalistic footnote, but the jury was charitable.

I customarily close on a light note, but I feel that tonight's subject is an

unsuitable one for humour.

Alcoholism is being recognised as one of the most serious diseases of our

society, and I hope this programme has helped dramatise some of the frightening

aspects of the problem.

Good night.